Season 6

Season 6, Episode 19, “Subterranean Graduation Blues”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle has to do a recycling project so everyone collects recyclables while she sits around and drinks soda.

Everyone continues to gather recyclables for Michelle’s project when Steve walks in, which makes the audience go “ow!” and “woo!”  It’s not an overwhelming reaction, but more like there are a select few people in the audience who just can’t contain their enthusiasm when Steve shows up.  Anyway, Steve brings over a can-crushing device he invented in shop class, which ends up not working very well.

Jesse comes in and pretends like his last paper didn’t go over well, but it’s just a clever ruse.  And with that, Jesse is officially a high school graduate.  Jesse explains that there’s going to be a big graduation ceremony at the Civic Center and he was picked to give the commencement speech, because who else was gonna do it?  Some extra?  Jesse further explains that the commencement speech will be a good way for him to prove to all sorts of people that he’s not actually a giant fuck-up, including the mayor, who is going to be attending Jesse’s stupid unimportant night school GED ceremony for some reason. Everyone offers their support to Jesse, especially Danny, who tells him that if his speech is good, people will remember it for the rest of their lives.  I guess it’s healthy to offer support and validation to Jesse for his meager achievements, but what Danny’s saying is straight up delusional.  Maybe it would be true if Jesse threw up or something during the speech.  I’d definitely always remember seeing something like that.

Jesse struggles with his speech but eventually finds inspiration while watching his kids assemble an Elvis puzzle.

While everyone waits for Jesse to get ready for his graduation, Danny tells Becky that he wants to talk about the plan for the Wake Up, San Francisco anniversary show.  She tells him that she wants to interview a bunch of women senators and do a spotlight on women in politics and then Danny shits all over her idea and says that he wants to spar with George Foreman instead.  This is one of those cases where Becky obviously has the better idea and the only reason that it’s such an issue is because the writers of this show hate women.

Once Jesse is ready to go, Michelle finds out that they’re going to have to take 2 cars so she dictates that they should take the Muni so they can all be together.  Naturally, everyone does what she says without question.  It would have been pretty natural and feasible if the adults had held this discussion and made this decision themselves.  Why does it have to be something that Michelle wanted to do?  Just to remind us that everyone does whatever she wants all the time?

They make the Muni look way too much like the New York Subway but I’ll forgive them because there’s a defaced Wake Up, San Francisco poster on the wall.

Naturally, the Tanner family has no fucking idea how to behave in the outside world and immediately start bugging the shit out of everyone on the Muni.  Michelle sees some guy  littering and tries to get Joey to threaten him into cutting it out.  Becky and Danny are recognized by a Wake Up, San Francisco fan who has obvious mental health issues.  But the worst is the poor guy who has to sit next to Jesse, who Jesse drums all over and then treats as a captive audience to tell about his stupid graduation while sitting way too close.

Meanwhile, back at the full house, Kimmie Gibbler is a shitty ass babysitter.  She just sits and chats on the phone with her grandmother while the twins rub paint all over the refrigerator.

The Muni shuts down and the conductor comes on to tell everyone that they’re gonna be stuck there for hella long.  Jesse realizes that he’s gonna miss his graduation and then the audience goes, “aww.”

After the commercial break, Jesse stomps around the train and yells, not giving a fuck about all of the other people who are also on the train and also very frustrated and don’t need some yelling asshole to add to their stress.

Meanwhile, Kimmie Gibbler finishes cleaning the green paint that got all over the kitchen and then Comet pulls her into the living room where she discovers that one of the twins has gotten green paint all over everything. What a shitty babysitter.

Becky and Danny continue their debate about women in politics vs. Danny sparring with George Foreman for their anniversary show and then the woman who recognized them earlier interjects and says that Danny’s idea is hella better.  She then reacts to a psychic contact she receives from Benjamin Franklin and for once this show acknowledges that only a crazy person would favor one of Danny’s ridiculous ideas.

Jesse mopes around because he’s missing his graduation so Danny decides that the only solution is to bother everyone on the train.  He attempts to get everyone to band together to throw Jesse an impromptu ceremony on the train but then nobody does anything.  Jesse actually acts like he recognizes that this is a stupid idea, even though he pulled the exact same shit during that terrible ass Christmas episode when they were stuck in the airport, plus that time they were stuck in a garage on Michelle’s birthday, plus probably some other corny incident that I can’t remember right now where they were stuck somewhere during an important occasion.

Jesse launches into a big pity parade about how everyone is gonna notice that he didn’t pick up his diploma because in his mind everyone around him is deeply concerned about everything he does all the time.  He then says that he must not be the graduating type even though he really did still graduate, he just missed the ceremony is all, and then this Keanu Reeves guy is like, “yeah, school is a bunch of bullshit.”

Jesse decides to intervene in the Keanu Reeves guys life and give him a big inspiring speech about how school is important even though all he’s ever done his whole life is mooch off of people and it seems to have benefited him a lot more than going to school.  Jesse’s inspiring words rally the people on the train after all, and many contrived lessons are divulged.  Dang, Full House, way to pull a forced message out of your ass at the last second.  Why is the lesson about going back to school happening after Jesse has already gone back to school, and why is it applied to some total stranger that they didn’t even dedicate a whole episode to?  He appears for the bare minimum of time required to establish that he dropped out of school and then convince him to go back.

The Keanu Reeves guy agrees to go back to school and then everyone on the whole train cheers and then a friendly black fellow plays the graduation march on his saxaphone and then, motherfucker!  They have a fake graduation ceremony on the train after all.

After the ceremony, the music comes on and Jesse says that graduation isn’t about people seeing you get your diploma, it’s about learning something, which I don’t really know what to make of.  If you ask me, finishing school is just about fulfilling requirements.  Anyway, Danny says that Jesse really made a difference that day and then Jesse gazes lovingly at the Keanu Reeves guy, then they give each other the dap.

The the train starts up again, then everyone cheers, then Jesse kisses Michelle on the mouth.  Stay in school, motherfuckers!

 

 

 

Standard

59 thoughts on “Season 6, Episode 19, “Subterranean Graduation Blues”

  1. Kamdan says:

    Yep, despite Kimmy’s cuteness, you had to find something wrong with her, being a shitty babysitter.

    Remember the Bonanza joke in this episode and how it got two payoffs?

    Like

  2. lovetolaugh says:

    Great review!

    Jersey was really going to incorporate the story of his kids solving an Elvis puzzle into his graduation speech? Seriously?

    I mean I get that it proves that you have to keep trying in order to succeed, but couldn’t he think of a more profound example that results in something a lot more important than the completion of a puzzle (and one that doesn’t involve toddlers)? It’s better for the audience that he didn’t show up, I would’ve booed the fool who started talking about Elvis’s sideburn when I just wanna see my kid get a diploma.

    Hell, a better speech could be found in his own story! He dropped out of school, thought his life was going well enough, then one day he felt a void and decided to own up to a mistake he had made years ago, which was selling himself short, by going back to high school and proving to himself that he could do it. All kinds of lessons in there: redeeming past mistakes, the importance of a support system, second chances, believing in yourself, the value of a solid education, etc.

    Finishing an Elvis puzzle?? Really, Jersey? Really, writers?

    Like

    • Brad says:

      Yes but the default Jesse characteristic is his hard-on for Elvis. Your idea does make a lot more sense but we’re talking about Full House here

      Like

  3. Bridget says:

    I agree that the accomplishments of famous people would have been better to include in the speech instead of two dull-witted toddlers finally putting together an Elvis puzzle! He could mention Milton Hershey declaring bankruptcy about two or three times before he invented his chocolates. For the ladies, he could have mentioned Bette Nesmith Graham who escaped a bad marriage with toddler son Michael back in the 1940s. She was a horrible typist who made so many mistakes and she invented White-Out. She also set up an organization to help battered women get jobs. I don’t know if her marriage was a catalyst for that organization. Even her son Michael Nesmith admitted he was a train wreck as a young man before he became a successful Monkees!

    Like

  4. Ashley says:

    I don’t recall – was the Kimmy subplot ever tied up? Like she cleaned up the paint and all was well or whatever? Or was it just supposed to be a “LOL Kimmy’s a shitty babysitter and her feet stink!” kind of useless plot?

    Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      there wasn’t any sort of resolve, she just sees them smearing paint and is like, “aw, shit!” i think it was just so there could be some scenes taking place off of the train. why else would the twins have been left home while their dad graduated?

      Like

  5. In the screencap of Jesse looking at the black guy, he totally has the classic “Danny Tanner I’m Going To Kiss You” face that was Bob Saget’s way of conveying sincere emotion in the earlier seasons.

    Off topic, but indirectly related to the blog as a whole…yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine and somehow we were talking about Alanis Morissette and “You Outta Know” and Ryan Reynolds (we both have lady boners for Ryan Reynolds). She was thinking that Alanis wrote “You Outta Know” about Ryan. I said, nope that song was out long before they were ever engaged.

    I very seriously asked her if she wanted me to tell her who the song was actually referring to as it could potentially scar her for life. Finally, she decided that she did want me to tell her and when I told her the song was about Dave Coulier she laughed so hard she about wet her pants. She was also highly amused that I was so serious about telling her. I just know once I found out the song was about Dave “Cut It Out” Coulier years ago, it really changed the whole vibe of the song for me plus it always conjures up some very alarming mental images. Once that bell has been rung, you can’t un-ring it.

    Like

  6. Sarah Portland says:

    They probably only have so many plots that they can use for this show. “Random appearance of a girl we’ll never see again”, “random appearance of a family member”, family gets stuck somewhere while on the way to something important”, ect. They all go into a hat (preferably one that says “Bay Area Tanners”), and the writers pick one. That’s when they actually have to be creative: when they try to figure out how to make this new episode not seem like every other “family stuck somewhere” episode. See how well that works? Billy totally didn’t start this review with a list of all of the other “family stuck” somewhere episodes.

    Like

  7. Bridget says:

    Danny said DJ was on a skiing trip and that is code for sending your teenage daughter to a unwed mother’s home so she could give birth to Danny’s grandchild born out of wedlock. That dress DJ was wearing on Christmas did not really hide her pregnancy. As for Joey, I think he and Pam had sex three times and hit the jackpot with DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle. Joey has a way of satisfying a woman that would sicken a normal man and the fact that the three girls had blond hair like Joey makes sense. I also think Joey fathered Nicky and Alex. DJ came back after the baby was sent home with his new parents. It was a boy she and the parents named Daniel. In regards to Joey, underneath that love of toys and cartoons beats the heart of a name with more sexual experience than Jesse has ever shown! Forgive me for making everyone nauseous, but I was only kidding!

    Like

      • Bridget says:

        Thank you, Billy. I am thinking of the Monkees because Davy was suppose to be 67 yesterday and the Monkees and Beatles had way more talent than Jesse’s band! I only mentioned that racy storyline of mine because I have seen too many Dateline and Court TV episodes about that stuff! Even the book “The Thornbirds” mentions the fact that Meggie’s daughter Justine belongs to her husband Luke while son Dane belongs to Father Ralph, and besides, DJ does have Joey’s hair and stocky build.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I think Steve is the father of the baby. This kid empties out three baby bottles of formula in nothing flat and the nurses are all afraid. My whole theory smacks of “Full House” meets “Peyton Place” meets Full House fan fiction. Maybe a little of “It’s Alive!”. If anyone reads FH fan fiction, Jesse and Rebecca are divorced, Michelle died after falling off the horse, DJ and Steve had a daughter named Pamela Stephanie Michelle, and Danny and Vicky have a daughter named Danielle.

        Like

    • lovetolaugh says:

      I guess with all of the ridiculousness that is present each episode, some stuff has to get cut out, otherwise it would take up too much of his precious time to write :)

      I vaguely remember the Joey sandwich thing, where the littering guy next to him is trying to enjoy his sandwich and Joey gets all lustful looking at it lol. Maybe it wasn’t important enough to the plot to include? Oh well, the less we have to read about Joey’s obnoxious antics, the better, I suppose.

      Although it is hilarious when Billy Superstar rips him to shreds!

      Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      sometimes (actually more and more often lately) there will be some sort of recurring bit throughout the episode that i don’t bother to mention. usually it’s because it doesn’t stand out to me among all of the terrible moments in the episode, so there’s not much more for me to do than casually mention that it happened. a lot of these reviews are filled up with staging and plot summaries, which is the least interesting stuff to write, so if there are little non-essential bits that i don’t have anything to say about then i usually just leave them out. also, as this blog has gone on i’ve learned that i can count on the comments section to bring up stuff like that and it often comes with funny commentary that i didn’t think of.

      Like

      • Rudy Zoltec says:

        Yeah, it was one of those random things I remembered as kid, only because I was hoping the littering guy was going to punch Michelle in the face.

        Like

  8. Casey says:

    Just breaks my heart they played off a Bob Dylan song for the title of a Full House episode. It doesn’t make your show any cooler, writers! SMH….

    Like

  9. Devki says:

    I’ve been reading the archive of this blog for about a month and I’m close to catching up, but after reading the post about the episode I remember most (where the girls fly to Auckland) I felt like I needed to finally comment. I haven’t seen this show since it’s heyday on TGIF, but I’m beside myself with how much BS is on this show that I never realized. I was the prime audience for this show, being between the ages of Michelle and Stephanie. I was young enough to relate to Michelle and think that Stephanie was the cooler older sister and that in my teenage years I could look forward to having a life like DJ’s with an “awesome” boyfriend like Steve. I should also mention that I am an only child so I naturally assumed that all households with siblings operated like the full house did. I haven’t gotten to the point where I feel the need to re-watch any of the episodes, but looking at them all through this blog more than a decade later, I honestly can’t believe how obnoxious Michelle really was or how flamboyant the dads are. You do an amazing job of rehashing this show and I very much enjoy it. I’d also like to say that I accidentally stumbled on this while searching google for “house renovation” and I must have Freudian-slipped myself and typed in “full house renovation” because it linked to the post about when the girls’ room was made over without Danny’s permission. Anyway, this is awesome. Instead of re-watching any of the old episodes I might just spend a day when I finally catch up looking on youtube for all the dream sequences and dance routines. Oh god I remember thinking Stephanie was so cool with her dance moves…

    Like

  10. Stephen says:

    LOL at the defaced Wake Up San Francisco poster on the subway. And that guy could’ve at least let Joey have some of his sandwich. Who can eat all that alone?

    Like

  11. How Rude says:

    This episode is the ‘worst episode’ cringe factor if I ever have to see it again one. I don’t know why, I hate it even more than I’ve hated the ones with Joey centered on his comedy (and that’s saying a lot). Ugh.

    Like

  12. Lisa says:

    It’s just too bad that we don’t get to see the great I-told-you-so moment that Jesse’s Oh-Captain-My-Captain night school teacher had when Jesse doesn’t show up to his own graduation.

    Like

  13. Bridget says:

    Thank you about Bette Nesmith Graham. Her only son is 70 today and Davy would have been 67 today. I hope that doesn’t bother Michael so much. I found the info about his mom on Find A Grave. Maybe he should do a movie about her with Amy Adams or Emma Stone or Sandra Bullock as Bette and some unknown kid actor as Michael. I heard rumors of Robert Pattinson portraying Michael in a movie, but I don’t know about him!

    Like

      • Dawn says:

        How Rude! Y do ppl gotta hate! This is a fun sight with fun comments-u should not b negative towards ur fellow FHR followers! Who cares where she responded? The point is she took the time to kindly comment & add to it! Just chill out & enjoy the comments-No need to hate : )

        Like

  14. Bridget says:

    I can’t wait for the episode called “A House Divided” and I am watching Joey in a bubble bath eating pizza and playing with his bath toys. Everyone is irritated that they have to live in one place like the “Flowers in the Attic” kids or Anne Frank, her family, the dentist, and Peter and his family. Tensions mounted in both attics and everyone was at each others’ throats!

    Like

  15. he was picked to give the commencement speech, because who else was gonna do it? Some extra?

    Ha!

    including the mayor, who is going to be attending Jesse’s stupid unimportant night school GED ceremony for some reason.

    I’m curious why Jermsey gives such a shit about impressing the mayor…

    Michelle finds out that they’re going to have to take 2 cars so she dictates that they should take the Muni so they can all be together.

    This can’t possibly be the first time that’s happened? I mean, there’s approximately 18 people living in the full house; they shouldn’t be able to go anywhere without multiple cars.

    plus probably some other corny incident that I can’t remember right now where they were stuck somewhere during an important occasion.

    Man, when you lay them all out like that, these people really do get stuck in random places an awful lot. It’s like a sitcom cliche bonanza!

    Jesse says that graduation isn’t about people seeing you get your diploma, it’s about learning something, which I don’t really know what to make of

    Even putting aside whether that’s an apt conclusion, I don’t see how it follows from what Jermsey did with the Keanu guy. Shouldn’t it be more like “graduation is about setting a good example” or something like that (which it’s not, either).

    Like

    • lovetolaugh says:

      Yeah I’m confused by the “lesson” that graduating is not about people seeing you get your diploma, it’s about learning something.

      Okay, Jesse…but what about the big speech you were chosen to give, that they specifically set aside time in the ceremony to accomodate, that your teachers and peers are counting on you to present, that will not be present for?

      I think they forgot why he was actually so upset about the bus breaking down in the first place. It wasn’t just that he wanted to get a tangible diploma – it was that he was supposed to give a speech! If he had just been a regular graduate, nobody probably would have even noticed or cared that he didn’t show up. The issue was how excited he was about delivering the speech, and they just completely glossed over that at the end.

      Did it no longer bother him that he was going to miss out on that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and that chance for the spotlight, just because he “learned” something?

      Like

  16. Bri says:

    Wow, Danny’s response to Becky’s idea regarding women senators was SUPER patronizing… “that’s cute. but how about some guy stuff for a change?” That made me so angry. This show NEVER shows respect toward women… what is Danny talking about??

    Like

  17. Smash says:

    I take the subway to and from work every weekday, and sometimes on the weekends too. If someone ever tried to pull this fake graduation bullshit on me when trapped on the train because of a delay, I would go apeshit. Absolutely apeshit. Especially if they then tried to preach to me some stupid ass shit about staying in school. Goddamn those Tanners! They can’t even be stuck on the subway like normal people. They just have to take a shitty situation and make it even shittier.

    Like

  18. Kimberly says:

    It took me three whole days to catch up on the reviews, but I have to say that this is the best shit I’ve read in a while. They’re so amusing.
    I’ve been a fullhouse fan since I was little, yet I never caught on to their bullshit.
    I still like the show though… although now I’ll pay more attention to the small details like Danny’s anal retentiveness or Michelle’s self-centered, demonic being.
    Thanks for continuing on through this torture for the pure amusement of your readers. I kind of want to review a show as well now, but who knows if I’ll actually do it…
    Maybe for fuck’s sake.

    Like

  19. Ella says:

    “…Jesse gazes lovingly at the Keanu Reeves guy and then kisses Michelle on the mouth…”
    So he’s in the closet and a pedophile…?

    Like

  20. Josh says:

    Wait, wait, wait, they live at like Bush and Broderick. What the hell convoluted route did they take to Civic Center that involved Muni underground? Clearly you’d just walk down to Geary and take a 38 to Van Ness, right? The only thing I can imagine is that they took the 24 to Castro Station and hopped on there, but that has to add like 30 minutes to your trip even if the subway doesn’t break down.

    Like

  21. Alright, of all the over-the-top, unbelievable “plots” of this shitty show, this had to be the worst. I lived in San Francisco for 11 years, damnit. Let’s ignore the fact that a family like the Tanners would never hack it in that town to begin with.

    Where the hell is this stupid family supposed to live, anyway? Any Full House nerds know? I’m too lazy to look it up because I don’t care that much. Even though that stupid scene in the credits with Michelle hoisting a giant loaf of fucking bread out of a picnic basket is in Alamo Square (“The Painted Ladies”), you know damn well the family didn’t live on that street.

    The “subway” in SF isn’t much of a subway. It DOES go through Civic Center so at least the writers got that bit right but I highly doubt the Tanners live close enough to a Metro stop to make taking the subway to Civic Center make sense. Of course why the hell does anything on this show have to make sense? Oh, I see Josh before me has questioned this as well. Bush and Broderick, really? That seems borderline close to the Tenderloin for this family. Imagine Uncle Joey’s dipshit ass wandering home from his latest comedy failure through the TL? I would pay money to see him get harassed by a tranny crackhead. REAL money. Extra if he gets his ass kicked by a man with tits over the $5 in his pocket.

    More likely, they’d take a 47 or 38 and there would be at least four crackheads on the Muni in varying states of disrepair. Like one guy jerking off while Jesse is giving his motivational speech to some guy who doesn’t care and a tranny hooker shooting up in the back and maybe another homeless guy taking a piss ON the bus. Really, I can’t picture Danny Tanner EVER taking Muni. *I* am a total slob and it made even me feel dirty and gross when I had to take it every day to and from work. I have a hard time believing he didn’t start wiping down the seats with antibacterial cleaner given how many people piss and shit and whack off on Muni every single day.

    Also, if the Wake Up San Francisco poster were actually a real thing on a real train, someone would have drawn a big dick and hairy balls pointed right at Danny’s face.

    That’s all I have to say about that.

    Like

  22. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    How ’bout the fucking fact that lil’ Michelle intentionally sabotaged her Uncle’s Graduation because she secretly was pissed at her Uncle for moving in after her Mother’s death? Lil’ early 90′s environmentalist wannabe she was being if you axe me.

    Like

  23. Martin Tanner's Ghost says:

    Why is it that I can so easily picture Jesse vomiting during his commencement speech? Like, he starts out his speech all normal, then out of nowhere, BLEH! Then he just goes back to it like nothing happened, even though there’s vomit all over the podium now.

    Also, “then Jesse gazes lovingly at the Keanu Reeves guy, then they give each other the dap.” I read that last bit as “the clap.”

    And I have to mention that I have a high tolerance for bullshit, hence I’m able to sit through this show. That being said, I cannot stand this episode. I don’t know what it is, but I hate this episode with a passion and cannot watch it at all.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s