As the family gathers together to watch Jesse’s cheesy ass doo-wop group perform, everyone is delighted except for Stephanie.
You might think she’s become cognizant of the horrible nightmare world she’s come to inhabit, but it turns out that she just feels “yucky.” Upon closer examination it is discovered that she has chicken pox, which everyone in the family has already had except for Joey, who claims to be immune, and Michelle, who is a baby.
Stephanie is all pissed because a ballerina is gonna visit her class tomorrow and she’s gonna miss it. The family all gather to help her out but none of their efforts are anywhere near as remarkable as Jesse’s outfit.
Everyone stands around discussing how they’re going to help out and listing their plans for the weekend, which has got to be one of the clunkiest deliveries of exposition I’ve ever seen. Danny is going to interview the Golden State Warriors, Jesse has his dumb ass doo-wop bullshit, DJ has her first ever slumber party, and Joey has no plans because he’s a fucking loser. For some reason I couldn’t help but wonder while watching this scene how this chicken pox situation might effect all their plans…
The next morning Danny busts out his Golden State Warriors suit, most likely in an attempt to rival Jesse’s suit for its garishness.
Jesse and Joey enter the scene and, despite what you may have been expecting, they both have chicken pox! Danny’s all upset because he really wants to interview the Warriors but he doesn’t want to leave Michelle with the Uncles because she’ll catch chicken pox.
Now, call me crazy, but I always remembered chicken pox being less problematic if you caught it as a baby. Shouldn’t he want her to catch it? If the whole plot is that everyone’s plans are foiled by an ailment, perhaps the writers could have chosen something more fitting? Like maybe Jesse has a big open sore on his lip and Joey gets his head stuck up his ass?
Anyway, Danny wants DJ to watch the baby but he feels bad about asking her to miss her slumber party so he lets her go.
Meanwhile, Stephanie dons a disguise and tries to sneak out of the house so she can see that ballerina.
Even if she can sneak out, how’s she gonna get to school? Anyway, it doesn’t matter because Jesse catches her and gives her a heartwarming pep talk about how we all have to miss out on things we like to do sometimes.
Down in the basement, the Uncles have a stand-off to see who can go the longest without itching. Lots of irksome physical comedy ensues, and in the end the Uncles decide that it doesn’t count if they scratch each other and not themselves. They start rubbing their faces together and the family, yet again, walk in on the Uncles engaging in overtly homosexual behavior.
Anyway, everyone is itchy and Danny sings a song about tuna fish and soup and then DJ comes home so Danny can go to his stupid basketball game. The music comes on while Danny praises DJ for being such a grateful and responsible child. Yeah, that’s it.
therealfullhousereviewed.wordpress.com 
no wonder jesse’s band sucks. find a genre you fuckstick.
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I snorted so hard I hurt my nose. Well done, sir.
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why is that damn mannequin dressed as a hockey player??
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Coulier is a big hockey fan.
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Chicken pox rarely causes problems in children, but in a young baby it can lead to dangerous secondary infections like pneumonia. Joey and Jesse have more to worry about. The same virus that causes chicken pox can cause shingles in adults, which can cause long-lasting nerve pain and even death.
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So you’re saying Danny made the right decision, trying to spare the life of his youngest while hoping these two mooches are afflicted with a lifetime of pain. I can see that.
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My dad had shingles back in 1976 when he was in his 30’s and he was in so much pain, he thought he was dying. My older brother Burke was 6, I was 3, and my younger brother Jeff was newborn. My dad kept saying that he was glad Jeff was his mini me because if he died, Jeff would be a reminder of him.
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What do you mean, rarely? Seems that everyone these days remembers some family friend’s unnamed kid dying of it, and the kids next door becoming deaf over it. *sarcastic eye-roll
But yeah, TV shows don’t use illnesses for laughs if there’s any real cause for concern. It would suck more for the guys, but the chance of serious harm is so, so slight. My own case was particularly bad (autoimmune disorder + chicken pox = HELL), and I pulled through without any lasting consequence other than one scar that faded.
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cheesy ass –> cheesy-ass
dumb ass –> dumb-ass
might effect –> affect
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You asked in an earlier post what the point of Joey was. I think he functions as a disruption to Jesse and Danny’s relationship. Now, most of the time Jesse and Danny are exasperated with each other or ruining each others happiness, so I’m not claiming that they have intense romantic chemistry or anything. (Intense romantic chemistry is missing entirely from this show.)
But Jesse and Danny’s unique dynamic is, I think, worth looking at when asking why the fuck Joey is even a thing. Jesse is the brother of and a reminder of the woman Danny loved and so recently lost. Danny is Jesse’s lonely, awkward brother-in-law. Presumably they were friends before Pam died. Their shared grief would likely connect them in a special way: they both knew a Pam that neither DJ nor Stephanie nor Michelle would have access to.
In any event, they’re close enough that Danny invites Jesse to stay at his house pretty much indefinitely — and Jesse accepts. If there was no Joey, there’d be fewer astoundingly awful jokes (one can only hope), but because the show would so closely mirror the “traditional” childrearing household (‘member Jesse in the apron, complaining about feeling unappreciated?), the writers would probably have to go overkill in affirming masculinity and heteronormativity.
As Jesse’s basically a penis who occasionally strums the guitar, this would basically mean Danny having to prove his attraction to women. Considering his wife’s recent death and the limitations of the show, it would be out of place for him to be intensely interested in any woman and tonally discordant for him to frequently mention how much he misses his wife. Who was a woman. With a vagina. Which he loooooved.
Basically, a Danny and Jesse living together would face more scrutiny — would perhaps demand it — from a certain audience. This is why we need a Joey, a robotically cheerful character who only becomes more inane over time. He provides a distraction from the real emotional connection hinted at in the Thanksgiving episode. As it turns out, three is the perfect number for avoiding the perceived stigma of an alternative childrearing lifestyle. And, Joey, as it turns out, has the interesting ability of being able to make everything unsexy.
So you see stuff like Joey and Jesse moaning and rubbing on each other. While Joey and Danny doing something like this would be similarly horrific, it’s doubtful that Danny and Jesse would do something like this so early on in the show (though I’m sure gay “humor” between Danny and Jesse is a thing at least by the time Rebecca shows up)– or ever, actually, if the show lacked a Joey. Without Joey, the writers would have to work harder to avoid mentioning the emotional connection these two men have. And they clearly do not even give a fuck.
Sorry for this half-assed dissertation, god. I spent too much time thinking about awful fucking characters who would probably not be any less awful even if they were actually fucking.
Also, Nicky? You’re the worst.
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Nicky is a grammar fag.
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People like you are the epitomy of ignorant.
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Please tell me you did that on purpose!
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Wow. I think you hit the nail on the head.
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just wanted to give props to l’archer’s essay here. and this whole blog too. thanks!
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I much prefer Jesse’s cheesy doo-wop group to all his dumbass bands in later seasons. Their rendition of “Hodja” is by far my favorite part of this episode.
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Why even run a full house reviewing blog when you’re so biased from the start? All your reviews are different versions of “I hate it and everyone should hate it”. I will admit I am a full house fan but I also see some flaws in the show like the overuse of the sappy music, and Michelle and Stephanie’s brattiness in the last two seasons. But still, the point of reviewing to give more objective opinions. If you hate it, then stop watching.
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I can’t help but wonder why you would take the time to read and analyze this, Alex. I don’t care for a lot of things, so I just don’t engage in any type of website or blog regarding these things. Are you an attention seeking/sad person? Cause…you sound miserable.
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I don’t get why you’re reading this blog then. I loved the show when I was younger, but I didn’t know any better back then. I was little. However, I’ve seen reruns of the show, and I wanted to watch it since I liked it when I was little and I found out how horrible it really is. I’m sure if you look hard enough, you can find a blog that will write about how “good” it is. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. This blogger doesn’t like the show, it’s his right.
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He HATES every person on this show and wish them dead as if he were some kind of a fascist.
That’s a bit more than just “not liking the show” and making really funny sarcastic posts about it. This blog is not even sarcastic, only rude and hateful.
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I don’t think the reviews are meant in earnest (at least not the majority of the time). It’s just that most links/blogs/articles about Full House refer to a wholesome, heartwarming, funny, cute family with the adorable Olsen twins in the starring role. You rarely ever hear about Jesse and Danny’s closeted gay yearnings, or Aunt Becky’s gaping-mouthed twin potatoes who got away with everything, or the idea that Michelle Tanner had the face of a baby monkey and the worst attitude of entitlement. The only genuinely good episode was ‘The Last Dance’, because many of us have our own Papouli story and because Joey was mercifully solemn for a change. This blog is hilarious, and allows the rest of us to get together and make fun of a show that is really just asking for it!
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I love how all these people have outfits for every occasion. Who has a golden state warriors warmup suit, or a suit made out of wrapping paper and sequins? I also like how Stephanie has a fitted trench coat, sunglasses, tie, and hat, to make her look like a detective or something. Wow steph you really blend in with the background… She should of dressed as an ugly piece of furniture.
Is it just me or does the state of California on Danny’s jacket look like a crooked penis?
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Okay…I’m confused. Stephanie didn’t want to miss the ballerina visiting the class so she tried to sneak out. That means it was a school day. But right after breakfast D.J was picked up to go to a slumber party! Did she skip school? I mean, D.J and Stephanie go to the same school so obviously if Stephanie was missing school because she was sick, D.J should have still gone to school.
And D.J ended up coming home in the middle of the day and babysitting! She still didn’t go to school!
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It was a Saturday I believe. A ballerina was coming to Stephanie’s dance class, not her school.
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I’m torn between judging the singers for being so into themselves and being jealous because I am that passionate about literally nothing.
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I’m proud and saddened to be the first person to recognize that Joey has a Laffun Head wizard on his wall.
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Swinging back by on this one as I realized that the Laffun Head is the perfect thing for Joey to have on his while. If you’ve never encountered a Laffun Head before, the gimmick is that they spit water on you when you pull on their tie.
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