Season 1, Episode 19, “The Seven-Month Itch-Part 1”

Jesse is really excited because the entire family is going to Disneyland and leaving him home alone to bang his girlfriend in peace.  He has trouble shooing everyone out except for Stephanie, who’s so excited about her upcoming trip to the magic kingdom that she’s having a manic episode.

As soon as the family’s finally gone, Jesse calls up his woman, Samantha, who he has apparently been dating for a month even though she’s never been on the show before.  They play tennis and then he takes her home and offers to make her fried chicken.  Ok, so that’s the third Uncle Jesse fried chicken thing in as many episodes, which I think qualifies it as a character trait.  Man, I thought that Uncle Jesse was a shallow character because it seemed like his whole persona could be summarized by his hair, his love of Elvis and his constant pining for hot poonana.  But I just wasn’t looking deep enough.  He also likes fried chicken.

So Jesse and his woman are preparing to get down and get nasty when, unbeknownst to them, the family returns to the full house.  Apparently their flight was cancelled because of fog.  Why were they even flying?  Disneyland’s not really all that far from San Francisco.  For all the cost and trouble of flying your whole family, I think you’d just as soon drive.  It wouldn’t even take much longer.  But anyway, whatever.

Stephanie is all mopey so Danny tries to cheer her up by promising “family fun night”.  Stephanie is inconsolable and runs up to her room, prompting the audience (with the help of a big teleprompter, I’m sure) to go, “aww.”

Jesse discovers that the family has come home when he walks in on Joey and the girls eating his romantic dinner spread.  That’s right, they just walked into the kitchen and immediately started eating Jesse’s dinner.

So not only does Jesse get robbed of his only opportunity to shout expletives when he busts a nut, but his dinner gets eaten, too.  Shitty.

So Jesse and Stephanie are both all bummed out because of the cancelled trip to Disneyland. They both sulk during family fun night, although you can’t really blame them for not having a good time when everyone else’s idea of family fun is a group sing-a-long of “If You’re Happy and You Know It.”  That’s seriously what they do for fun.  That’s fucking crazy.

Stephanie runs up to her room again and DJ goes to talk with her as family fun night officially disbands.  Meanwhile, Jesse is trying to make a plan with Samantha about when he’s finally gonna get to give her the business when the baby rolls up.   Nothing spoils a woman’s reproductive urges quite like an ugly baby.

DJ gives Stephanie a pep talk about not getting what you want and the episode with the cereal commercial is mentioned.  Wow, they sited an incident from another episode!  I’m amazed!  Anyway, DJ has a talk with Stephanie and then Danny comes in and talks with her, too, and then the music comes on.  One thing that’s interesting about this talk is that Danny is really assertive about making both DJ and Stephanie say that they enjoyed family fun night even though it’s pretty clear that Danny’s idea of family fun sucks ass even when there’s not a canceled trip to Disneyland involved.  I mean, a fucking sing-a-long?  Who does that?

So Stephanie’s problem is resolved but Jesse’s persists.  He parleys with Joey about the quality of living in the full house.  One of Jesse’s points is that living in the full house is like having three kids but without the tax write-off, to which Joey replies, “technically you could if you married Danny.”  Oh, poor, innocent Joey, so blissfully unaware of the plight of the oppressed…

Jesse details his existential angst but Joey’s not much help because he’s a useless idiot.  In the next scene Jesse is sleeping when Samantha comes in all ready to bang him.

All of a sudden the girls come in one by one, making demands, and then the other dads enter the scene and it quickly becomes clear that Jesse is having a dream.  Each of the characters appears and repeats a single line over and over again, (“Help me with my homework,” “You’re their Uncle,” etc.), so there’s not much too it, but the sequence goes on like they had minutes of airtime to kill.  First they all enter the room, then they keep disappearing and reappearing, then they’re all grouped together in front of a fisheye lens, then each of them has an individual fisheye lens shot, then they’re all in front of the lens together again, all the while repeating the same line of dialogue over and over again.

The only other remarkable thing about this scene is that both of the Olsen twins appear at once, I guess because in Jesse’s mind, two of the baby would be even more anxiety inducing than just one. Or maybe the director just thought, “since we got two of this kid, we might as well use ‘em both.”

In the morning the other Dads come in to Jesse’s room only to find a note that says he’s left and he doesn’t know when or even if he’ll be back.  Oh, man, what a cliffhanger!

Firsts:  Audience goes, “aww,”  an incident from a previous epsidoe is acknowledged, both Olsen twins onscreen at once.

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28 Responses to Season 1, Episode 19, “The Seven-Month Itch-Part 1”

  1. K says:

    Wouldn’t this also be the first “To Be Continued” episode?


  2. SC says:

    It’s a 7+ hour drive from SF to Disneyland. Do you want to be trapped in a car with Joey for that length of time?


  3. Guest says:

    Audience already “aww”d in the third episode.


  4. Leroy Cook says:

    suddenly everyone is a critic. my question is why didnt they wait for the fog to go away at the airport…and take a later flight? you are still, in my opinion, the certified full house expert.


  5. Zozo says:

    You can see Stephanie’s cavities in the fisheye shot of her. Maybe it was an inspiration for the episode about her trip to the dentist?


    • Zozo says:

      Also, it looks like you can see the shadow of the camera behind them in the fisheye shots. Plus, Danny looks extra creepy in the fisheye.


  6. Also, Samantha was played by Chelsea Noble, also known as Mrs. Kirk Cameron. Jesus loves Full House.


  7. Vee Langs says:

    anyone else get the feeling that the olson twins mother only brought the cute one with her for the audition and then told the producers “oh hey! there’s two of her!”

    seriously, i know they’re very similar as kids and now adults but as babies that one was disguting


  8. Kristin says:

    Jesus, Dave Coulier has one pointy ass chin.

    The fish eye shots are horrifying.

    The Olsen on the right making the “mean face” is seriously channeling a kewpie doll version of Chucky.


  9. Austin says:

    Mother of God, that fish eye of Danny will be in my nightmares…


  10. SteveInSanDiego says:

    At least Nicky hasn’t corrected the grammar on this one. All other corrections are appropriate. It wasn’t the first “aww,” and Disneyland is a hella long way from San Francisco.


    • dum fuk says:

      yea fuk broads who corect grahmer fucken dumass bitch shuld shut her face and get back in the kitcen fucking idot get a brain morans


  11. LisaIhatefreakinbobsaget says:

    Dear God in heaven- the picture of those Olsen twins-the child on the right…..I laughed for 10 minutes straight. Then I copied it, cropped it to just the one diabolical looking one, and text pictured it to my kids with the tagline “Obey your master!”

    Oh yeah that’s a meme waiting to happen. Could even surpass Grumpy Cat in popularity.


  12. Stephen says:

    I should watch this episode again because I don’t remember what caused Joey and Danny to say “it’s your turn” or “you’re their uncle.” lol “you’re their uuuuuuuuuuuncle”


  13. Penny says:

    How nightmarish for those poor kids to have to pretend they liked a family sing-along with creepy Danny after a cancelled trip to Disneyland. And D.J. was suspiciously mature about it, even giving Stephanie a lecture about not always getting what you want. She was ten years old! I’m forty-two and I would be seriously down if my Disneyland trip got cancelled.


  14. Jeanne says:

    Jesse is a dick. He lives in that house because his sister died and helps out his poor sad brother-in-law with 3 small daughters, and leaves because he can’t hump everything in sight. I like how he doesn’t discuss his problems, either. I like how a lot of these people don’t discuss their problems, they just hack up some scheme, and when it doesn’t work then they attempt to talk things out. Wouldn’t it just be easier to talk in the first place? For a family that’s so obsessed with family values, you’d think they’d behave a little better.


  15. Ashley says:

    Samantha’s eyebrows are just as bushy as Danny’s are.


  16. Stacy says:

    That picture of Stephanie from the fish eye thing is scary but funny at the same time ;D


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