Season 1, Episode 19, “The Seven-Month Itch-Part 1”

Jesse is really excited because the entire family is going to Disneyland and leaving him home alone to bang his girlfriend in peace.  He has trouble shooing everyone out except for Stephanie, who’s so excited about her upcoming trip to the magic kingdom that she’s having a manic episode.

As soon as the family’s finally gone, Jesse calls up his woman, Samantha, who he has apparently been dating for a month even though she’s never been on the show before.  They play tennis and then he takes her home and offers to make her fried chicken.  Ok, so that’s the third Uncle Jesse fried chicken thing in as many episodes, which I think qualifies it as a character trait.  Man, I thought that Uncle Jesse was a shallow character because it seemed like his whole persona could be summarized by his hair, his love of Elvis and his constant pining for hot poonana.  But I just wasn’t looking deep enough.  He also likes fried chicken.

So Jesse and his woman are preparing to get down and get nasty when, unbeknownst to them, the family returns to the full house.  Apparently their flight was cancelled because of fog.  Why were they even flying?  Disneyland’s not really all that far from San Francisco.  For all the cost and trouble of flying your whole family, I think you’d just as soon drive.  It wouldn’t even take much longer.  But anyway, whatever.

Stephanie is all mopey so Danny tries to cheer her up by promising “family fun night”.  Stephanie is inconsolable and runs up to her room, prompting the audience (with the help of a big teleprompter, I’m sure) to go, “aww.”

Jesse discovers that the family has come home when he walks in on Joey and the girls eating his romantic dinner spread.  That’s right, they just walked into the kitchen and immediately started eating Jesse’s dinner.

So not only does Jesse get robbed of his only opportunity to shout expletives when he busts a nut, but his dinner gets eaten, too.  Shitty.

So Jesse and Stephanie are both all bummed out because of the cancelled trip to Disneyland. They both sulk during family fun night, although you can’t really blame them for not having a good time when everyone else’s idea of family fun is a group sing-a-long of “If You’re Happy and You Know It.”  That’s seriously what they do for fun.  That’s fucking crazy.

Stephanie runs up to her room again and DJ goes to talk with her as family fun night officially disbands.  Meanwhile, Jesse is trying to make a plan with Samantha about when he’s finally gonna get to give her the business when the baby rolls up.   Nothing spoils a woman’s reproductive urges quite like an ugly baby.

DJ gives Stephanie a pep talk about not getting what you want and the episode with the cereal commercial is mentioned.  Wow, they sited an incident from another episode!  I’m amazed!  Anyway, DJ has a talk with Stephanie and then Danny comes in and talks with her, too, and then the music comes on.  One thing that’s interesting about this talk is that Danny is really assertive about making both DJ and Stephanie say that they enjoyed family fun night even though it’s pretty clear that Danny’s idea of family fun sucks ass even when there’s not a canceled trip to Disneyland involved.  I mean, a fucking sing-a-long?  Who does that?

So Stephanie’s problem is resolved but Jesse’s persists.  He parleys with Joey about the quality of living in the full house.  One of Jesse’s points is that living in the full house is like having three kids but without the tax write-off, to which Joey replies, “technically you could if you married Danny.”  Oh, poor, innocent Joey, so blissfully unaware of the plight of the oppressed…

Jesse details his existential angst but Joey’s not much help because he’s a useless idiot.  In the next scene Jesse is sleeping when Samantha comes in all ready to bang him.

All of a sudden the girls come in one by one, making demands, and then the other dads enter the scene and it quickly becomes clear that Jesse is having a dream.  Each of the characters appears and repeats a single line over and over again, (“Help me with my homework,” “You’re their Uncle,” etc.), so there’s not much too it, but the sequence goes on like they had minutes of airtime to kill.  First they all enter the room, then they keep disappearing and reappearing, then they’re all grouped together in front of a fisheye lens, then each of them has an individual fisheye lens shot, then they’re all in front of the lens together again, all the while repeating the same line of dialogue over and over again.

The only other remarkable thing about this scene is that both of the Olsen twins appear at once, I guess because in Jesse’s mind, two of the baby would be even more anxiety inducing than just one. Or maybe the director just thought, “since we got two of this kid, we might as well use ‘em both.”

In the morning the other Dads come in to Jesse’s room only to find a note that says he’s left and he doesn’t know when or even if he’ll be back.  Oh, man, what a cliffhanger!

Firsts:  Audience goes, “aww,”  an incident from a previous epsidoe is acknowledged, both Olsen twins onscreen at once.