Jesse has been sneaking in and out of the full house with a mysterious blue duffle bag and the rest of the family wants to know what it’s all about. Their bombardment of invasive inquiries is cut short by an abrupt entrance by Joey, who announces that his mom has just cashed in a savings bond for him and he got a wad of cash. It’s literally in a big wad, which is pretty weird. I wonder what it’s held together with? Sweat, I’d guess.
Joey buys all the kids fancy presents and promises gifts for Jesse and Danny, too. Later, Jesse eats a big bowl of fried chicken and speculates with Danny about what their gifts are. Danny replies with confidence that he’s sure that Joey will take this occasion to pay him back $800 he borrowed 11 years ago. Apparently this is the first time in history that Joey’s been good for it. Danny regales Jesse with a touching scenario he’s imagined in which he’s such a gentleman that he refuses Joey’s repayment. Danny seems to really look forward to this premeditated saintly gesture.
Meanwhile, in the other room, DJ is compelled to go through Jesse’s blue bag so she can find out what the big secret is. She tries to lure Michelle into opening it by planting cookies inside, which really isn’t any better than just opening it herself. DJ’s plan is foiled but the baby gets the cookie anyway, which causes to audience to really lose their shit. What’s so applause worthy about a baby finding a cookie? I mean, really, what’s the big fucking deal?
Joey returns bearing gifts, and it turns out that he got Jesse and Danny the same thing: lifetime passes to some amusement park.
Danny gets all annoyed and then he really loses it when he finds out that Joey bought an expensive ass pinball machine. He starts lecturing him about not being such a fuckhead with his money and then he starts to lay into him about old debts. Joey claims he has no old debts and at this point it becomes clear that the money-lending incident from 11 years ago hasn’t really come up since it happened. Joey apologizes and immediately offers the money but Danny refuses, claiming that he only wanted the offer of the money. What the fuck? It’s like, Danny was just having a daydream about a touching moment that could have transpired between himself and Joey and then he gets all pissed off when it doesn’t happen just like he imagined it even though it was based on some shit from 11 years ago. The worst part about it is that it makes me feel sympathetic towards Joey.
So it turns out that Uncle Jesse is a secret Elvis impersonator. He’s been trying to save up money so he can record some demo tapes and this is what he’s resorted to. The family is actually pretty supportive when they find out and insist that they come see his show.
In the very next scene, they see his show. There’s a crappy Marilyn Monroe impersonator and Danny and Joey bitch at each other. Pretty soon Jesse comes out and does his Elvis performance, which is an extended medley that goes on for-fucking-EVER! All the schticks on this show always feel like they’re just for killing time.
As the family reenters the full house, the girls do their own Elvis impressions, both of which are infuriatingly obnoxious and not cute at all.
As soon as the girls take their grating performances upstairs, Danny and Joey immediately start fighting over the money again. They’re interrupted by Jesse’s coming home with the Marilyn Monroe impersonator on his arm.
I think we might be learning a new interesting fact about Jesse here because I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of a Marilyn impersonator in San Francisco that wasn’t packin’ a little surprise. Jesse reports that he’s been offered the Elvis gig permanently and wonders if he should take it.
Joey and Danny have a fight in the kitchen over how to make a sandwich and I guess it’s supposed to be reflective of their personalities (I’m really digging deep here). They continue their argument and Joey begins to confront Danny about his boring and anal-retentive ways.
It was already pretty evident that Danny was a big corny nerd but this seems to be the start of the neat-freak persona his character develops (ooh, character development AND foreshadowing… Way to pull out all the stops, Full House.)
So anyway, Danny and Joey keep bitching at each other until Jesse comes in asking for advice about whether or not he should take the Elvis job.
They both think that he should take it but they argue over the reasons for it. Jesse thanks them for the advice and then they argue for another minute and then the music comes on and they begin to exhibit tender emotions. This time it’s like the music actually came on and was the cause of them not being mad anymore. Finally Joey and Danny remember that, despite their differences, they have immortal boners for each other.
Firsts: Jesse’s Elvis impersonator job, Danny’s anal retentiveness