Season 2, Episode 6, “Beach Boy Bingo”

Over the last few weeks, Full House Reviewed seems to have inexplicably found an audience.  I’d like to welcome all of you new readers, especially, “The Pizza,” who left a comment a few weeks ago in anticipation of this very episode, which guest-stars the Beach Boys.  This one’s for you, “The Pizza”.  It’s really nice to know that some people are actually reading this terrible, terrible car crash of a blog.  Your comments are always welcome, and there are some reader-based features I’d always thought of doing on here that might actually be possible if this traffic keeps up.  Be sure to like us on Facebook if you’d like to be a more active fan of this blog.

Pre-Credits Gag:  As Stephanie finishes reading Michelle a bedtime story, the baby insists that she read it again.  Stephanie hastily skims through a second reading and then the baby’s all, “what the fuck?”

Danny comes to breakfast wearing an outfit that makes you want to punch his stupid face in even more than usual.  He’s all excited about having the Beach Boys appear on his dumb ass morning talk show and his warped perception of reality has led him to believe that dressing like the world’s biggest chump will somehow enhance the experience.

The whole family expresses their love of the Beach Boys and the Uncles eagerly anticipate coming to the set of Wake Up, San Francisco to meet them.

Moments later, on the set of Wake Up, San Francisco, the Uncles wait offstage and conspire to slip the Beach Boys a demo tape of their suntan lotion advertising jingle with the hope that the band will want to sing it for the ad.  Right when the Beach Boys are supposed to arrive, Danny gets a note that says that their plane still hasn’t landed due to fog so they won’t be appearing on the show.  It’s kind of weird that they just sprang that on him on live tv, but whatever.  Being a quick thinker, Danny picks up an acoustic guitar and starts singing, “Good Vibrations,” into the camera.  Can you imagine if this was a real morning show?  That shit would be cancelled in 2 seconds.  It’s totally amazing to me that Danny is somehow able to use his “talent” to support his 3 obnoxious daughters and 2 live-in worthless assholes.

Later, back at the full house, the Dads try to win 2 tickets to the Beach Boys show along with a ride in a limousine with the band members in a radio call-in contest.  The Dads fail to get through but quickly discover that the winning caller is none other than DJ.  Well, who else was it gonna be?  I guess it coulda been Kimmie Gibbler, or maaaaaybe Rebecca Donaldson, but after that there’s no one in the entire universe who could have won those tickets.  The family rejoices at the acquisition of the Beach Boys tickets but soon remember that there are only two tickets and like a zillion people in their cheesy family.  What a conundrum!

Everyone kisses DJ’s ass so she’ll take them to the concert.  After a lot of shameless manipulation, the family all crowd around her and force her to pick her guest while they all stare intently at her.  She picks Uncle Jesse and everyone is pretty amicable about it except for Danny, who acts like a complete bitch about the whole thing.

In the next scene DJ asks Danny for advice on what she should wear to the concert and he lays on the pettiest guilt trip I’ve ever seen.  He asks why she picked Uncle Jesse and she gives the perfectly reasonable explanation that he’s a musician but Danny’s just like, “But I like the Beach Boys!  What, just cause I’m not a musician?  I took you to see Smurfs On Ice.”  He seems completely comfortable with ruining her whole experience because she didn’t pick him.

Meanwhile, in the next room, Joey pressures Jesse into trying to slip the Beach Boys their jingle when he meets them.  Jesse doesn’t really seem to want to go along with the plan but it’s not like Joey has ever respected anyone’s boundaries before.  Joey leaves and then Danny enters the scene, quickly followed by DJ, who claims that she doesn’t want to go the concert anymore and insists that Danny and Jesse go together.  Jesse wonders what the deal is and Danny continues his relentless campaign of butt-hurt shamelessness.  He says that he felt slighted by Jesse being chosen and that he can’t compete with, “Uncle Rock’n’Roll.”  Jesse says that he’s equally jealous of Danny and his special relationship with his daughters and then I’m pretty sure they trade hand jobs right after the scene ends.

Soon no one wants the tickets because they all feel like some other family member ought to have them and there is a lot of senseless arguing until the Beach Boys suddenly arrive at the front door.  Holy fuck, you guys, it’s the Beach Boys!

Boy do they look old and withered!  I wonder if Brian Wilson even knows where he is?  They actually seem really concerned about whether or not DJ will come to their concert and offer to stick around for as long as it takes to sort everything out.  Mike Love suggests that they order a vegetarian pizza, which gets a big laugh.  Is that even a joke?

A shot of the front of the house suggests a passage of time and then there’s a cut to the whole family sitting around and having a sing-a-long with the beach Boys.  Oh, come on!  I mean, really?  It’s been established in earlier episodes that the full household enjoys corny sing-a-longs in the living room together but why the fuck would the Beach Boys stick around for this shit? There’s even an empty pizza box on the table, so it really seems like they’ve been there for a while. Don’t they have a concert to go to?

Eventually Brian Wilson asks DJ who she wants to take to the concert and when she still can’t decide, the band calls a “Beach Boy huddle,” in which they gather together and sing a harmony from “Good Vibrations” and then disband immediately afterwards, having made a group decision.  What a bizarre joke.  It’s not even that it’s bad, it’s just really cartoonish and out of place.

So, naturally, they decide to invite the whole family along to the concert.  The last 5 minutes of the episode is just concert footage of the Beach Boys performing while the Tanner family dances around and sings along on stage and stuff like that.  I guess that this was part of some live event or something.  It looks like it takes place in a stadium, so I’m guessing it was a halftime show at some sporting event.  There’s a shot of Joey slipping the ad jingle demo tape into Mike Love’s pocket, so there’s at least a morsel of story here, but it’s not like there’s any follow-up or anything.  They just perform until the credits come on, then there’s even more concert footage while the credits roll.

This has to be the most inane guest appearance I’ve ever seen on a tv show.  It really just doesn’t make any sense at all.  It actually would have been logical to get the Beach Boys on the show as guests on Wake Up, San Francisco and then have it parlay into the concert sequence, but instead they don’t even show up on Danny’s show and then the whole radio contest thing is totally unrelated.  Maybe the Beach Boys failure to appear on Danny’s show could have explained why they were willing to come to the full house and sit around sitting songs before featuring the Tanner’s at their concert, but, again, there’s no mention of the morning show fiasco whatsoever.  Also, what exactly is the moral here?  DJ has to decide which family member she can bring to the show and then her dad acts like a big fucking baby when she doesn’t pick him and then what happens?  Everyone gets to go. So what’s the message?  That everyone should just get everything they want all the time?

The Beach Boys were one of the most innovative and influential singing groups of their time but they really seem to be more remembered for their corny radio hits than the experimental psychedelic rock masterpieces they created in their heyday.  I’ve always wondered why that is, but now I know.  This episode of Full House single-handedly ruined the Beach Boys for an entire generation.

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61 Responses to Season 2, Episode 6, “Beach Boy Bingo”

  1. Carrick says:

    Woo! New episode! I can’t believe I actually have to wait a whole week instead of plowing through a bunch like I did when I first discovered this. 😦 Anyway, I am one of said new readers; freaking love it.

    It’s insane that this show is so heavily based on them being a bunch of manipulative assholes! Who thought that was funny??? “Dude, it’d be SO hilarious if someone guilt tripped someone else.” Um, no, it’s just annoying!


  2. Audrey says:

    This blog is the funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life. Ever.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The Pizza says:

    wow man thanks for the shout out. I fell behind in my fullhousereviewed reading, but I’m caught up now.

    I love how you always point out these moments in the show that just make no sense — like of course it would never announced on live television that the musical guest’s plane was held up. lol.

    Brian Wilson fucking made Pet Sounds. I can’t believe he was doing this cheesy ass shit. Thank God Paul McCartney never showed up on Step By Step.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Spanny Tampson says:

    I was hoping you’d address the yellow sportcoat that DJ is wearing at the concert.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. jannghi says:

    “We heard you’re not going to the concert. Bon Jovi in town?”

    Liked by 2 people

  6. bobkipper says:

    I’m just now reading this blog. It is amazing. I don’t know if anybody will ever even read this comment, but you’ve helped me work some stuff out here.

    It wasn’t until the past decade or so that I learned how great the Beach Boys truly were. Pet Sounds and Surf’s Up are two of the best albums of the era. Sadly, thanks to this episode of this terrible show, my absolutely favorite Beach Boys song growing up was fucking Help Me, Rhonda. What a waste, but I think I can come to terms with it now.


  7. JB says:

    And to think, this is what lead Stamos to become their drummer…


    • Kerissa Ward says:

      No, no, no, no. Stamos was their drummer waaay before this episode. You see, before Full House Stamos was on a show with Jack Klugman called You Again? On that show there was an episode where Stamos’ character (who is a teenage drummer) auditions for The Beach Boys. He auditions for them and it’s going well until they ask him to play on a new song. They give him the sheet music and he’s all stupid-faced because the dumbass doesn’t know how to read percussion sheet music! He doesn’t get the gig as their new drummer =(

      In real life, though, Stamos does become their drummer (as seen in the 1988 video for ‘Kokomo’)!


      • JohnMo says:

        I actually saw them in concert back in 1988 or 89 when Stamos was on stage with the band. I didn’t realize till watching this episode that these events were related in some strange way. Kokomo was such a horrible song, ultra cheeze, just like Stamos was in this show.


  8. jaspermarie says:

    I gotta say I’m so happy you did Full House instead of Family Matters! Full House is just… awful. And I watched it religiously when I was a kid. And I actually am laughing out loud when I’m reading this blog, it’s so good and so addictive!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ren says:

    Thank you. I love you for this.


  10. JB says:

    I don’t know why this has just stared to bother me, but if you work on a show called “Wake Up San Francisco,” don’t you need to be on set at like 6 am? Danny should be getting up before dawn every day. He should not be there for breakfast with the family.

    (By the way, love the blog. Decided to read it from the beginning. Keep up the good work!)

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Mumu says:

    Seriously, how gay is Dannys outfit? In the second screen shot, I imagine him saying, “fabulous!” a hundred times.


  12. mellowpsycho says:

    Could that ‘joke’ about them ordering a vegetarian pizza be a reference to the beach boys song Vegetables?

    Oh who am I kidding, this is full house we’re talking about…


    • Amanda says:

      The “joke” Mike NoLove made was in reference to him being a strict vegetarian since the 60’s. Somewhere Dennis Wilson is laughing at this, not laughing with it.


  13. In every memory I had of this episode, I always erased Brian Wilson, figuring that his big fight with Mike Love had already happened because of course there was no way Brian Wilson would do this, right? He doesn’t even play on “Kokomo,” does he? Shit, I gotta read up on this now. Regardless, as much of a fan as I am of the Beach Boys and Brian Wilson, I have been giving consideration over the last few years that Bri is not as huge a genius as everyone makes him out to be. His appearance in Full House would seem to support that.


  14. PuppetDoctor says:

    It seems that in the world of Full House planes are always stranded because of fog. First the family can’t go to Disney Land which causes a conflict for I believe it was Uncle Jesse and now another occurrence of fog has ruined the day for the whole family.


  15. Brad says:

    I think Brian Wilson suspiciously peering over that other guy’s hat pretty much says it all….


  16. santanaonfire says:

    How did the Beach Boys even hear about (or care) that DJ only had one extra ticket and couldn’t decide who to take? I would have thought maybe Danny had the ability to contact their manager due to his work on Wake Up, San Francisco, but if that were the case, he probably wouldn’t have been such as ass about DJ not picking him. And again, why would the Beach Boys even care?

    Second, isn’t the fact that they showed up at the full house (completely unexpectedly) and had a private sing along even bigger than going to their concert? The perspective seems a little skewed here.

    True, they all wound up on stage with them (if I were an audience member, I’d be pissed that this ridiculous family was running around on stage with them), but at the time, they didn’t know that would happen. They expected only two people to go and be regular old audience members with the added bonus of a meet and greet later.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Katie says:

    Not that this is a big mystery anyone is trying to solve, but that was filmed during a short (random!) concert after a USC football game at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum (you can see the Trojan mascot head on the screen behind John Stamos, as well as the outline of the Coliseum). I have this fantastic information because was actually at that game (and was about 8) and remember being super excited to see the Beach Boys performing. The more you knoooow!


  18. motoxchick says:

    I’m still tripping on Danny playing a BC Rich acoustic, hockey stick headstock and all. I had no idea such an animal existed, and that such an animal played guitar. I guess you really can teach a monkey to do human shit, huh?


  19. Bridget Hainline says:

    One thing has me puzzled, if DJ is such a Beach Boy fan how come she didn’t know the tune “Help Me, Rhonda” one of their big hits?


    • williec29 says:

      Good point. It’s Full House. It doesn’t have to make any sense. I believe that the writers for this show here hacks at best and probably threw each show together in like 15 minutes.


      • Bridget says:

        Willie, “Wings” did a better job with a character loving a band but being ignorant about one of the members. Helen got a bunch of money after her house burned down and she went to New York and ended up at a music auction. She wanted the Monkees Mobile and Peter Tork, one of the Monkees was there, betting on the car because of all the memories it gave him. Joe, Helen’s husband tried to stop her betting. She said she could get the car if that “jerk” Peter stopped betting as well. Joe recognized Peter and said, “Honey, that’s Peter Tork.”. Helen asked who Peter was. Peter practically begged Helen for the car and she caved and let him have it. I do think “Wings” was better than “Full House” in every way! Any music fan of any band or kind of music would know the songs and the FH writers seemed not to know that!


  20. jannghi says:

    “Uncle Jesse’s a musician. You’re a talk-show host. If I won a night with Oprah Winfrey, I’d definitely invite you.”


  21. Claire says:

    Just in case y’all haven’t seen this:

    Tom Hanks is always awesome, but Tom Hanks doing slam poetry about this particular episode of Full House is particularly great. Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Katie says:

    The only thing that would have made this episode any good was if Kimmie Gibbler showed up at the full house to explain the Beach Boys’ connection to Charles Manson.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Niamh says:

    I’ve recently discovered this website and even though I’m a fan of Full House, I love it! Thought I’d comment on this cause like, they’re at this concert, jumping around on stage and shit, and Michelle is no where to be found. Where’d the leave her? They couldn’t have arranged a babysitter in such short time so is she crowd surfing or what? Wouldn’t surprise me.
    Also, I think they managed to get the Beach Boys on the show so much cause John Stamos used to drum for them at concerts. Isn’t that nice.


  24. For what it’s worth, as a dude who works in media, it ACTUALLY does seem legit that Danny’s informed right then and there that they won’t be on the show. (Admittedly, they probably would have done it during a commercial break rather than on camera…) The recurring joke in the industry is “Communication is our business, it’s not what we do”, and I figure that’s true for whatever terrible TV station runs “Wake Up, San Francisco”.

    I also like this episode because it’s really, really clear that Brian Wilson would rather be anywhere else in the world. Like, he’s about 75% out of it anyway, ’cause he’s Brian Wilson, but that other 25% is like “oh, no, not this, anything but this.”


  25. Amanda says:

    The only reason Brian did this was because he avoids confrontation at all costs. He is a sweet, sweet guy. The Beach Boys died along with Dennis Wilson in my honest opinion. Dennis would have never done Full House. This is all about Mike NoLove. Dennis refused to play or sing on their disco song because well… disco sucks for the most part. The three Wilson Brothers- Brian, Dennis and Carl are the heart and soul of the band. The Beach Boys today are just remembering the good ‘ol days. Mike NoLove is also a no-talent. He wanted Stamos to replace the love and admiration everyone had/has for Dennis. Didn’t work.


  26. Matt says:

    ” Can you imagine if this was a real morning show? That shit would be cancelled in 2 seconds. It’s totally amazing to me that Danny is somehow able to use his “talent” to support his 3 obnoxious daughters and 2 live-in worthless assholes.”

    Apparently you’ve never seen that much morning television…It’s all crap.

    Especially “TODAY” on MSNBC 😛


  27. Sora says:

    Sorry, I don’t know the name of any of the Beach Boys, but did anyone notice how Jesse is leaning all over him like “Oooooooaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhh” while he(the one with the white hat and blue pants) is just looking at him like “What is this guy doing?” It’s strange and very bizarre. He looks really uncomfortable.


  28. Daisy says:

    Lololol!!! Omg this is the funniest shit ever! I have been watching Full House because I have to wake up obscenely early in the mornings and I am amazed at how self-righteous and spoiled all the characters are! I thought I was the only person out there who just wants to reach into the tv like ghost dad and slap all of them. The crying, whining, corny singalongs, & stupid ass arguments are ridiculous; but yet I’m still watching. This episode came on tonight and I almost Danny is so childish, but it’s hilarious you just can’t turn the channel.


  29. Mary Jo says:

    In that top photo, the baby doesn’t even look human. She looks like a relative of Chaka the monkey man from Land of the Lost. Did anyone honestly think those two were cute, or was this some sort of Emperor’s New Clothes story where people say “aren’t they adorable?” while thinking “damn, they’re ugly”?
    And how hard up for money were the Beach Boys to be on this show?

    Liked by 1 person

  30. harrison fake says:

    Not to mention that the stadium that they sing in is in Los Angles.


  31. Jeanne says:

    I haven’t seen this episode in years, but after reading, I will say, I feel a little badly for Danny. Single, wife tragically dies, he supports 3 daughters and 2 other losers, and instead of dj picking him so they could have quality time together, and also so she could show SOME appreciation for everything he does, she picks the “cool” uncle who could give a crap about her. I can see his point of view. He was also clearly excited about meeting the beach boys and having them on his show.. Dj’s excuse that Jesse is a musician.. I guess that depends on your definition of “musician”… He has a sporadically-meeting doo wop band, and is a horrible, broke jingle writer.


  32. Sally French says:

    I like the part in the episode when one of the Beach Boys ask, “Why not, is Bon Jovi in town?”


  33. Sally French says:

    I like the part in the episode when one of the Beach Boys ask, “Why not, is Bon Jovi in town?” I LOVE BON JOVI!!!!!!!!!!!


  34. Charles says:

    I never want to think about Jesse slipping anyone his jingle again.


  35. CathySantone says:

    In the very last photo, Danny is clearly giving the finger to us all


  36. The ashley says:

    1) is danny flipping us off in that photo from the concert? 2) why didnt danny wear his super-cool hawaiian outfit instead of a stupid suit to a freaking concert 3) is anyone else going to see that photo of jesse laying his head on that beach boy’s shoulder in their nightmares?


  37. Stephen says:

    I love how you call Jesse and Joey and Danny “The Dads” when Jesse and Joey clearly aren’t parents, yet. lol. Other episodes, you call them “The Uncles.”


  38. Austin says:

    If you watch the video of the sing-a-long, Brian is the only one not clapping or something. He just kind of rocks back and forth while his face lights up at hearing musical notes of some kind. I think that’s a real therapy they do with the mentally ill.


  39. Susan says:

    Just watched this episode and found this blog. Wonderful!


  40. Imapanda says:

    I am a few years late with this, but if you watch the concert in some of the stock footage of the band you can see John Stamos on far left of the stage playing drums. In other scenes someone else is there.


  41. Eric says:

    Soooo Danny wore a Hawaiian shirt (which actually makes sense,with the beach boys) on the show..then a regular shirt and pants at home…THEN changed into a full suit,best and tie for a BEACH BOYS concert?! And seeing as how he was wearing the shirt and pants at dinner,one can only assume he forced them to wait,while he put on the suit?! Oh and where’s Michelle during the concert?! Surely they didn’t find a sitter that quick!!


  42. Robin says:

    Imagine how the audience at the concert feels. They bought tickets to see The Beach Boys. They don’t want to hear some random family sing and watch them dance around.


  43. Nothing is more punchable than Danny’s face in the picture with the guitar. His face is always pretty punchable to me but that picture is next level!


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