Pre-Credits Gag: Stephanie gives Michelle a ride to the kitchen on her tricycle.
Danny comes home from the grocery stores all aflutter and prancing around like an asshole because he met some broad named Denise in the produce section. He actually managed to talk her into coming over for a dinner date, and if that’s not implausible enough, she’s bringing her two single friends with her. The dates are named Cheryl and Zoey, who are to be paired up with Jesse and Joey, respectively. The Uncles begin to prepare a nice dinner in anticipation of an evening of serious fucking.
Danny sits his daughters down and explains that the Dads are all gonna get down on some hardcore fucking with a bunch of strange women this evening so he wants them to go to the Gibbler’s. DJ, being very mindful of the fact that in order to do that the producers would have to hire some actors to play the Gibblers and build some interior sets of their house, suggests that she act as babysitter for the evening instead. Danny’s like, sure why not? Just so long as they don’t interrupt all the nasty ass fucking that will be taking place downstairs.
The Uncles groom Danny for his date, making sure that he’s not too sweaty and his mullet’s just right. Anticipating some after dinner finger-banging, Danny wonders if maybe it’s finally time to take off his wedding ring. The Uncles offer emotional support and then some manipulative music plays as he removes his ring, letting us know that it’s a big deal.
As the dates arrive at the full house, Jesse and Joey are introduced to Cheryl and Zoey. As an ice-breaker, Joey asks Zoey if she has such a unique name because she’s one of Frank Zappa’s kids. Zoey totally shuts him down and gives him a really bitchy reply about how her name was her Grandmothers dying wish. Even though she comes off as a total bitch, it’s kind of great to see somebody point out how obnoxious and unfunny Joey is. When Denise is introduced to Jesse it turns out that they know each other, and even used to date. Danny exclaims, “you’re that Denise?” and you can tell by his terrified, knowing expression that she’s the Denise that Jesse did in the butt.
Stephanie and Michelle dress up in Danny’s clothes and play in the bathroom. DJ comes in and starts flipping out, commanding Stephanie to take off all of their Dad’s stuff. When she sees that Stephanie is wearing Danny’s wedding ring she takes it away and immediately drops it down the sink. Irony!
The kids come up with a brilliant plan of fishing the ring out with some gum on the end of a tie. When that doesn’t work, they hatch a plan to take the sink apart.
The triple-date dinner starts out awkwardly, with Danny perturbed by his knowledge that Jesse gave it to his date in her butt. Joey tries to bring levity to the situation by doing his impression of Jimmy Hendrix playing guitar but Zoey shits all over him again. What a wonderful woman!
Jesse’s date, Cheryl, seems enamored by all of Joey’s annoying behavior. Abruptly, Stephanie barges in and demands that everyone join her in an impromptu performance of, “If You’re happy and You Know It.” She’s actually creating a diversion so DJ can sneak through the kitchen to grab a tool box, but it’s seems kind of odd to me that the girl’s method of not disturbing anyone is to aggressively disturb them. Regardless, the kids get the tool box.
The girls take the sink apart and water pours out everywhere. There is a lot of shouting and flailing around and it’s kind of like a Laurel and Hardey routine except without the skillful performance.
After dinner, Danny tells Denise that he’s kind of grossed out by the idea of going after Jesse’s sloppy seconds. He decides to try to get past it but when he goes in for a smooch she turns away, proclaiming that she can’t stop thinking about Jesse. Once you’ve had Jesse inside of your butthole, a little piece of him stays there forever. Anyway, Danny cuts his lip on her earring when she deflects his smooch. As he cleans his lip in the kitchen, he commiserates with the Uncles about how shitty all their dates are. Suddenly, water begins to leak through the ceiling.
The dad’s discover the girl’s situation with the flooding bathroom, which is quickly fixed when Jesse turns the water valve off. DJ confesses, bringing the Dads up to speed, and then Danny escorts her to her room for some serious heart-to-heart talking. Meanwhile, Denise tells Jesse that her back door is always open for him but he does his boy Danny a solid by turning her down.
Cheryl’s vagina moistens as she watches Joey do muppet impressions for the baby. Incidentally, did you know that Dave Coulier was the voice of Animal on the animated Muppet Babies tv series? No shit.
Danny is too demoralized by his crappy date to give DJ a music-inducing lecture. DJ reassures Danny that he’s totally fuckable and they hug. Zoey enters the room having found Danny’s wedding ring and expressing a compulsive cleaning tendency that gets Danny all hot and bothered.
Finally, everyone says goodnight to their dates. Each assigned couple parts amicably and then exchanges sloppy kisses with someone else’s date. They all make plans to bump uglies in the near future, except for Jesse and Denise because he turned her down.
See, it’s ironic because usually Jesse’s the only guy who gets laid and this time he’s the only guy who didn’t.