Season 2, Episode 16, “Baby Love”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Kimmie Gibbler brings over a bunch of puppies.  There are lame jokes involved but it’s hard to hate on it because look at those adorable puppies!

Uncle Jesse tunes in to Wake Up, San Francisco to see whether or not Rebecca Donaldson gives him the secret signal that says if he’s gonna get to bang her later.  As if using her morning talk show to plan her sexual rendezvous wasn’t bad enough, she also decides to feature her 2 year old nephew as a guest.  Danny actually calls her out on how self-serving that is, probably because he must be pretty desperate to make someone else look like a shitty host for once.  He immediately ruins his own credibility again by taking the opportunity to give shout outs to his own family, including his mother who mysteriously disappeared from the series, and Cousin Ed, who you may remember because he appeared briefly in Season 1, Episode 11.  I wonder if we’ll ever see Cousin Ed on camera again?  Anyway, as Rebecca Donaldson’s nephew, Howie, mindlessly waves at the screen, Michelle gets a huge boner for him.

In the very next scene the dad’s bring Howie home to meet Michelle.  Danny refers to Howie as Michelle’s boyfriend and then Stephanie points out that all of the Tanner sister’s have boyfriends except DJ.  Dang, DJ Tanner has no game!  There’s also some stilted baby acting as Michelle and Howie interact.  You can actually see the babies looking offstage for cues and they always look confused.  Babies acting on tv is a lot like how regular tv would be if everyone was on prescription pain medication all the time.  So I guess it’s a lot like reality tv.

Kimmie Gibbler comes over with a VHS copy of The Wolfman for her and DJ to watch.  Stephanie tries to horn in on their fun and protests their claims that it’s too scary for her.  She complains to Uncle Jesse, who decides to let her watch it even though Rebecca Donaldson advises him otherwise.  Back in Uncle Jesse’s room, he and Rebecca Donaldson get into a discussion about the Wolfman decision, which leads to a heated argument over what they would name their hypothetical children.  It kind of seems like, as Rebecca Donaldson becomes a more solid cast member, they’re sort of initiating her into the series by having her occasionally act like a big corny lunatic.

The Dad’s all gather around to stare at Michelle and Howie, all tuckered out, post-coitus.  Howie’s Mom enters the room and, sensing her son’s feeling that it’s time to bail, takes Howie home.  Michelle gets all upset and starts saying, “Howie no go” over and over again.  Everyone just laughs about how cute it is but after the baby is left alone she sits up in her crib and says, “Howie no bye bye” over and over until the scene fades out for a commercial.  What a bizarre act break.  They don’t even play their usual, manipulative music, it’s just the baby talking in a real sad voice in a quiet, dark room.  It kind of leaves you feeling empty inside.

Michelle refuses to go to sleep because she’s so distraught over the loss of Howie.  Meanwhile, Stephanie is all freaked out after watching the movie and is convinced that every sound she hears is the Wolfman.  After a lot of screaming, the dad’s all enter the scene and decide to console Stephanie by doing a corny routine about what the Wolfman’s family is like instead of just telling her to shut the fuck up and go to bed.  Yet another example of the dad’s accommodating behavior being a clear source for the kid’s totally obnoxious sense of entitlement.

In the morning the family discovers that Michelle is inconsolably depressed over the loss of her man.  After the family makes some feeble attempts to cheer her up, Jesse decides to take her into his room and sing a song he wrote for her.

Well, shit, you guys.  Here we are, at another one of those segments that’s just so fucking shitty that it hurts my little heart to have to write about it.  What could possibly be worse than an acoustic guitar song about the character of Michelle sung by John Stamos?  Well, I’ll tell you what:  if it also had a long musical break in the middle with a montage of clips of Michelle from throughout the series.  Remember when she ate poo?  How about that time she rode Bubba the turtle?  I get all choked up thinking back on those days…

After Jesse’s horrible piece of shit song the baby’s just like, “where Howie” right away again so there wasn’t even any fucking point to any of that shit.

So finally Rebecca Donaldson shows up with a video she shot of Howie at the airport and Michelle is consoled by the idea that they can be “video pals.”  Well alright.

Rebecca Donaldson then suggests that they put Michelle into a play group to help socialize her so she doesn’t act like such a fucking obsessive weirdo every time she meets another baby and everyone agrees.  Wow, that was the first time on the whole show that a sensible exchange is had in an effort to solve a problem.  Not wanting to ever end on a high note, the episode wraps with Michelle requesting to watch the Howie video again and the family all chanting, “Howie” as the credits come on.  Howie, y’all.  Howie.

This is the first episode that really focuses on Michelle as the central character.  They really tried to squeeze some dramatic baby acting out of her and the results were pretty unsettling. I wonder whose idea it was to make a whole episode about her being all obsessed with some other baby?  Weird.

Firsts:  Episode about Michelle, a sensible exchange is had in an effort to solve a problem

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56 Responses to Season 2, Episode 16, “Baby Love”

  1. mrs says:

    bingo or bubba!?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. christopherwilson says:

    Is this the episode where DJ snips Stephanie’s paddle ball toy with scissors?


  3. Woooooolhouse says:

    I always wondered how Joey got up to the girls’ bedroom so fast from his room in the basement. Either he just sits at the foot of his bed, waiting for the slightest cry for help/attention… or he was in one of the other dads’ bedrooms already. Which… is the most logical answer.

    Just found the site last week, and am having to ration how many I read a day so I don’t blow through the entire blog at once! Epic… epic.


  4. Lauren H says:

    Damn, the fucking “Michelle Smiling” song. I fucking hated that song then, and I can’t stand thinking about it now. Thank God this song is never sung in any other episode.

    And if anyone is wondering, I’m 99% sure Howie NEVER makes another appearance again.


  5. Kayla says:

    Jesse first says “one wink for yes, two winks for no”. Then on the show she winks twice. And Jesse says “hot dog, a double wink”. So apparently two winks was supposed to be yes? I don’t know why I care but these little screw ups bother me!


    • Joe says:

      Maybe he thought the two winks meant “yes, yes”?


    • santanaonfire says:

      C’mon. For a guy like Jesse, no means yes.

      I agree, wink wink, to Jesse, meant “yes, yes”.


    • JohnMo says:

      My 12 year old caught that too, I could only say “I don’t fucking know why.”


      • dtoy says:

        OK I am so glad I was not the only one who thot “He’s happy about getting shot down, or he just doesn’t know what no means?”…and thinking back on the Uncle Jesse & Rebecca D relationship in this show, I’m pretty sure it’s the 2nd choice.

        Best…blog…EVER!! My younger sister introduced me to this blog and it is my favorite thing about Fridays! 🙂


      • Alison says:

        I caught it too.

        I’m late coming to this blog by the way, but I found it about two weeks ago and I’m in love with it. I actually watch the show while I read the corresponding blog. It’s hilarious and makes up for the fact that there’s nothing good on tv this time of day. So today, while watching the horrible episode where the goblin chooses a cardboard cut out of Big Sid instead of something useful as a reward for finding that parrot that was obviously voiced by Joey, I thought about all the other times they obviously didn’t pay attention to detail while making this show and remembered the wink thing. So I had to look it up and make sure I wasn’t the only loser to notice.


    • lauren says:

      michelle is such a cry baby and the point of the show is waiting till michelle crus


  6. Lisa says:

    The worst part of that song (aside from the fact that it’s now stuck in my head) are the shoddy lyrics. They don’t even fit into the song. The song goes “When MICH-elle’s smiling…” The name Michelle is not pronounced MICH-elle. Write a better song, Asshat.


  7. lillian fitzroy says:

    that baby freaked me out!


  8. kp199 says:

    “You can actually see the babies looking offstage for cues and they always look confused.”

    YES! The young Olsen twins do this ALL the time on this show, and later on, you see it with *SPOILER ALERT* Becky and Jesse’s twins. And let me mention how incredibly happy I am that they didn’t choose either Jesse Jr or Prescott as names for their future kids.


  9. Damn, rebecca was sexy in this one! “later you and I can play!” at that point my dick exploded! you don’t usualy see that on a G rated show!


  10. Take-away: “…as Rebecca Donaldson becomes a more solid cast member, they’re sort of initiating her into the series by having her occasionally act like a big corny lunatic.”


  11. Dave Wollenberg says:

    hard to believe that the producers couldn’t find twin BOYS to play the role of Howie.


  12. kimdragon says:

    Howie was played by TWIN GIRLS!! I just googled it, jeez why on earth would they have girls play Howie, that’s setting everyone up involved for lifelong personality disorders… good thing everyone turned out A-Ok and definitely no one murdered Heath Ledger.

    I love this blog, just stumbled upon it when I started to watch syndicated episodes of FH on Nickelodeon, I used to watch the show all the time as a kid, even had the dorkus majorkus books which were written about Stephanie and Michelle.

    Weirdly as a kid I used to despise the early seasons and enjoy the later ones, I guess because they centered primarily around the kids so more relatable? easier to comprehend for my crappy kids brain?
    However rewatching so many years later, the seasons do get more and more insipid, and the adult characters are actually marginally more interesting then the kids, at least during the onset.

    Rewatching the show now actually makes me really appreciate John Stamos, he’s the least embarassing of the bunch and he is genuinely musically talented (despite all the terrible “bands” Jesse is in which change members and music genres in every ep.) It’s no wonder the show seems to shift to focus more on him than Danny or Joey in the later episodes. Remember the (SPOILER ALERT) “Smash Club”?

    It’s funny how episodes blur together, like the one where they are onstage at the Beach Boys concert always blended in my head with the one where they are (again) onstage at that random show in Hawaii… I thought they walked through the brush and ended up on stage at a Beach Boys show…oh those Beach Boys, always seemed to be lurking around the full house, until the later days when Little Richard would show up with his diddlin fingers a’ready.

    Creator Jeff Franklin left after a few seasons to start another TGIF gem – Hangin with Mr Cooper, which isn’t on dvd or netflix or in syndication- my vote is to bring it back by having it be the next show for Billy Superstar to recap!!


    • Sid says:

      In response to the first paragraph of your unnecessarily long comment; It’s called acting, dipshit.


    • Dressing a girl in boy stuff or a boy in girl stuff doesn’t cause problems. What does is when bigots like you send the message to children that they better toe the gender line, or else they’re screwed up.

      Also little girls often play boys because it’s easier to use a slightly older girl and pass her off as a boy whose younger than her age because girls tend to be smaller.


      • Bridget says:

        Alys, did you see “The Messengers” with Kristen Stewart? In that movie, a girl named Jodelle Micah Ferland played this boy named Michael. She had short hair and no breasts or figure. She made the movie before puberty came around and before she re grew her hair again. I was wondering if the producers of the movie were having a hard time finding a preteen boy to play Michael and maybe they were! In the time of Shakespeare, male actors used to dress like the women in plays because actresses at that time were on the same level as prostitutes.


      • Simone C. says:

        Slay Alys!


  13. Jamie says:

    Fun fact: the chick who plays Howie’s mom was in a previous episode where she went on a shitty date with Danny. He folded her socks while they made out.


  14. Emily says:

    “all tuckered out, post-coitus” …still laughing!


  15. Brandi says:

    Isn’t this also the first time that the pre-credits stuff doesn’t involve Michelle? Looking back that should have been the tip off that this was an entire episode dedicated to her.


  16. Molly says:

    Is it me or does Howie have freakishly big hands for a baby?


  17. Charles says:

    Jesus, the Olsens have never been cute, have they? At least they were a healthy weight back then.

    You know what would have been awesome? If Michelle referred to herself as a plural all the time–“We want Howie”, and such. It would have been creepy and way more meta (and clever) than this show ever got, but it would have made for an interesting watch at least.


  18. Odotry says:

    Howie was played by a girl? Talk about weird, I mean the show doesn’t have high standards for acting, so I don’t see how they couldn’t have found a boy for the role.

    I guess it adds more fuel to the theory that Full House is gay propaganda of some sort.


  19. Liz says:

    Very interesting story line, But I loved the puppies during the pre gags, I liked the puppies more than the babies (In reality I would rather have both babies and puppies in my house LOL)


  20. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    This family has literally no shame. They fucked over the lil’ princess. Then they take away her gender neutral partner. That’s beyond mean.

    Save the lil’ princess. Everyone else in this household can die in a fire.


  21. I can’t stand Michelle, but even when this show was first on, I felt bad for her in this episode because it’s really clear how much the character has no friends and is just a prop to everyone. Finally she makes a friend, and Howie goes away, and it’s clear she knows her only friend is gone.


    • Bridget says:

      She should have been in a decent day care with other children her own age and not at home with 2 guys who had no idea of how to care for a small kid!


  22. The person who wrote this, and many of the people who left these replies must have no friends, kiss their own butts, and their mothers dropped them from 10,000 feet, permanently leaving their faces disfigured. Too bad, so sad!


  23. The guy who wrote this review must live a pretty miserable life to badmouth Full House. That *really* makes me angry!😡


  24. MaryB says:

    That last photo of Michelle is the first time I’ve seen her look almost cute


  25. Jen says:

    Kimmy’s sweater looks like Sheldon Coopers ‘Doppler Effect’ costume.


  26. Monica says:

    I find it amusing how you took time out of your day to actually watch the entire episode, write it out very detailed and talk shit about it. Are you that pathetic & have nothing else to do with your life that you have to bash on a TV show? Pathetic.


    • Waxoo says:

      “It’s pathetic to write about something you don’t like” said a person writing about something they don’t like.

      People get bent out of shape about the dumbest things.

      Liked by 1 person

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