Season 2, Episode 17, “El Problema Grande de D.J.”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Stephanie and D.J. argue over who gets the last cookie and then the baby gets it.  THE BABY GETS THE COOKIE!!!

Stephanie comes home with a hella good ass report card but then Danny sees a comment from her teacher about how she needs to control her talking in class.  He suggests that she finally learn to shut her fucking mouth for five goddamn seconds just one time in her shameful burden of a life and then she gets all offended for some reason and declares that she’ll never talk ever again.

DJ comes home the very next moment and complains about how she got all A’s except for a D in Spanish.  She convinces Danny that she got the shitty grade because her teacher, Senorita Mosley, has a bias against her and so Danny agrees to set up a parent/teacher meeting.  Anyway, enough about the plot:  I know I’ve already mentioned the gigantic hair that Kimmie Gibbler’s been sporting lately but can we just take a minute to look at it?

That shit is magnificent.  She looks like one of the American Gladiators.  I swear, if it wasn’t for Kimmie Gibbler there’s just no way I’d ever be able to sit through this lousy piece of shit show.

The Uncle’s boss, Mr. Malatesta, comes by the full house and Stephanie answers the door but won’t provide him with any information about where the Uncles can be found because she’s fulfilling her vow to never speak again.  What the fuck does Mr. Malatesta have to do with her passive aggressive campaign against her family?  Does everyone who comes over to the full house have to be subjected to whatever petty bullshit’s going on over there?

Mr. Malatesta eventually finds the Uncles and tells them that he needs them to write an emergency campaign for a marshmallow company.  They pull a lame slogan out of their asses that Mr. Malatesta loves and then they talk him into hiring their hideous baby for the marshmallow commercial.

Danny visits Senorita Mosley to talk about DJ’s shitty grade.  When he gets there, she’s all star struck by him because she apparently watches his awful morning show even though it really seems like she’d be at work when it was on, but anyway never mind logic because the point is that she clearly wants some of that hot and steamy Danny Tanner action.  It’s always weird whenever they do scenes where a woman is supposed to be attracted to Danny because, besides the basic concept just being appalling, the only way they can even attempt to create any onscreen chemistry it is to have her laugh at all of his lame ass jokes, which immediately makes you assume that she’s crazy.  Anyway, Senorita Mosley clarifies that DJ got a bad grade in Spanish because she wasn’t doing any of the work and then offers to come by the full house later to set up a study program with Danny. And of course by “study program,” she means “hot fucking.”  As Danny leaves the classroom she bids him “hasta luego” and he replies, “el pollo loco,” which was a popular fast food chain at the time.  Man, if I was teaching someone English and I said, “see you later” and they said, “burger king,” I’d be downright offended.  After the meeting’s over, DJ gets all pissed when she finds out that Danny didn’t get her grade changed for her.

The Uncles help Michelle rehearse for her marshmallow audition, which is probably the only time in the Olsen Twins’ whole career that someone scrutinized their line reading.  The Uncles then split with the baby while Danny and Senorita Mosley enter the scene, labeling various objects with their names in Spanish to help DJ learn the language.  Danny continues to make jokes that casually degrade Latino culture and, as if that racism were just a little too subtle, Senorita Mosley holds a sign in front of herself for a significant portion of the scene that says, “perro,” which means, “dog.”

As she teaches Danny to roll his r’s, the two say “perro” back and forth to each other, which leads to them leaning in for a smooch.  Isn’t that fucking bizarre?  Imagine two people saying, “dog” over and over to each other and then having their first kiss.  Couldn’t they have picked a sexier word for them to say to repeat?  Anyway, DJ and her friends walk in on Danny and Senorita Mosley making out and DJ is, quite naturally, humiliated.  It’s almost like Danny consulted a guidebook on how to be a more embarrassing dad.

Danny and DJ have a talk about how he wants to fuck her teacher.  She manipulates him into thinking that he shouldn’t be allowed to get down on that sexy Spanish chocha because, as you may remember, Danny’s kids are pretty dedicated to the cause of him never getting laid.  Even though he demures about banging her teacher, Danny still maintains that it’s fucking bullshit that she wants her grade changed because she earned a D by not doing her work.  DJ avoids responsibility by sticking to being mad about Danny embarrassing her and storms off.

The Uncles get ready to film Michelle’s marshmallow commercial and then Grandma and Grandpa Katsopolis crash the set, presumably because we haven’t seen them in a while.  Anyway, Michelle refuses to say the marshmallow slogan because she’s sick of eating marshmallows from all of that rehearsing and then she gets fired.

Stephanie is still giving the silent treatment to everyone in the full house so the Uncles begin to devise a plan to get her to speak again.  Seriously, why would they do that?  Anyway, DJ enters the scene and tries to weasel out of going to school because she can’t face her friends after they saw Danny getting it on with their teacher.  Joey tries to solve the problem with the same thing he uses to solve everything:  shitty ass jokes.  He tells DJ that if she preempts the other kids jokes by making light of the situation herself, everything will be fine.  Poor old Joey, so conditioned towards a life of being shunned and ridiculed.

Danny tells Senorita Mosley that he can’t bang her until she’s done being DJ’s teacher so they agree to put things on hold.  Yeah, like that ever happens on this show.  Sorry folks, but that’s the last we’ll be seeing of ol’ senorita mosley.  Anyway, their parting words are interrupted by the school bell and Danny finds that he doesn’t have time to leave the classroom before the kids come in so he hides in the closet.  Yep, it’s come to this.

DJ totally disrupts her class by telling horrible and awkwardly delivered jokes about her Dad and the teacher.  Just as things start to cool off DJ decides to put her coat in the closet and wouldn’t you know it, Danny’s in there!  Oh Danny, when were you planning on coming out of the closet?  Danny sort of inelegantly excuses himself from the room but the kids don’t even seem to react to him being there at all.  What a weird device…  there was only like 30 seconds of build-up and then like no payoff whatsoever.

Back at the full house, Danny explains to DJ that he’s not gonna bang her teacher anymore but she still needs to take responsibility for her shitty ass grade.  You know, this was going to be the last Full House Reviewed installment because watching this terrible show every week has been ruining my life, but then I watched Danny’s inspiring speech about how you shouldn’t give up doing something just because it’s hard and I realized that I have to keep watching and reviewing every single episode of this horrible piece of shit show until I get through the whole fucking series.  I do this for you, the people who fuck around all day at a desk job.  This is my poem to you.

Sorry, I kind of went off on a tangent there… Anyway, the episode wraps up with the Uncles pleading with Stephanie to speak to them again.  Yep, that’s how they resolve the problem of Stephanie giving them the silent treatment:  they ask her to stop.  She then goes into a long account about a bunch of banal nonsense as the credits come on.  See, that’s the problem right there:  why does she either have to be totally silent or talk their ears off?  This whole problem started when she was talking too damn much in class, but that problem was never resolved because the resolution got totally blown out of proportion.  Why doesn’t anyone ever devise a reasonable compromise on this show?  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WON’T SOMEONE TEACH THESE CHILDREN MODERATION!??!

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42 Responses to Season 2, Episode 17, “El Problema Grande de D.J.”

  1. DrBitz says:

    Is it just me or do kids on sitcoms show way more follow-through than in real life? Stephanie stayed silent for, what, three days or something? When I was a kid I’d pull stunts like “not talking” but it’d last about 10 minutes before I’d get bored with whatever childish antics I was trying to pull.

    But perhaps the “dads” are paying way more attention to their kids’ stupid stunts than my parents did to mine.

    Like

    • billysuperstar says:

      that’s the whole problem with this show! this show should be called, “why ignoring your kids sometimes is important.” thanks for all the comments! i put gentlemen of leisure on my blogroll!

      Like

      • DrBitz says:

        Thanks for the shout out! I hope I can one day post something half as funny as these posts.

        My friend and I also started talking about Family Matters and I’ve decided that, if they come out on DVD, you should totally do that show once you’re done with Full House……..but that may lead to your suicide. I don’t want that on my conscious.

        Like

      • billysuperstar says:

        if you look at the first entry, you’ll see that this was originally going to be a family matters blog but it wasn’t on dvd yet. im pretty sure the first season’s out now… anyway, in hindsight full house is the better choice. i have my reasons for thinking so but youll have to wait until the episode where urkel guest stars to read what they are. as for doing family matters, or any other series next, all i can say is, “fuck no.” once full house is done i will be free! FREE!!!

        Like

  2. The Pizza says:

    lol. thanks for entertaining me at my desk job every week. if you make it to the last episode of the final season, I will personally send you a gift basket.

    Like

  3. Teebore says:

    I do this for you, the people who fuck around all day at a desk job. This is my poem to you.

    And we thank you for the magnificent epic you’re crafting. At least you’re making hilarious commentary lemonade out of this show’s crappy lemons.

    Like

  4. “I do this for you, the people who fuck around all day at a desk job. This is my poem to you.”

    No shit! I just spent an entire afternoon reading every single blog post. I had to come up with clever excuses once in a while, as to why I had just laughed out loud and snorted (used the excuse that I’m high a couple times).

    This blog is amazing

    Like

  5. Chuck says:

    Glad I wasn’t the only one who wondered how Senorita Mosley could watch WUSF, considering she’d most likely be at work when it airs…

    Like

  6. bit of trivia- the teacher was played by same actress who was the blonde daughter in “Too Close for Comfort”. sad that I know that and remember it after all these years.

    Like

  7. Megan says:

    “…there was only like 30 seconds of build-up and then like no payoff whatsoever.”

    That’s what she said.

    Like

  8. Please never stop doing this blog. This is my favourite thing on the internet right now.

    Like

  9. Mumu says:

    First- hot Latina poo nana

    Like

  10. PuppetDoctor says:

    “Just as things start to cool off DJ decides to put her coat in the closet and wouldn’t you know it, Danny’s in there! Oh Danny, when were you planning on coming out of the closet?”

    That was a great line. I love this blog so thanks for not quitting it. I know this is two years after the entry but I still wanted to say that =P.

    Like

  11. Andrew says:

    She looks like one of the American Gladiators.

    Holy shit! As someone who was a gigantic American Gladiators fan back in the day, this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. And it’s absolute 10000000% true. Goddamn.

    Like

  12. santanaonfire says:

    “As Danny leaves the classroom she bids him “hasta luego” and he replies, “el pollo loco,” which was a popular fast food chain at the time.”

    I learned on a Spanish class trip to Mexico when we would say “queso” while taking a picture (like saying cheese in the US) that queso is slang for vagina there.

    Likewise, “pollo” is slang for penis (also learned on that class trip). So maybe was really trying to entice her with his crazy dick.

    Like

  13. kp199 says:

    The person who plays Senorita Mosley is gorgeous, so her showing any sort of attraction for Danny is just downright hilarious. Not only is Bob Saget totally unattractive, but he’s always got the personality, on the show, of a pedophile. Boy, I’d jump him in a heartbeat!

    Like

  14. Tonko says:

    I’m so happy you kept doing this because discovering this blog was like a gold mine.

    Like

  15. DawnieP says:

    Thanks for all your suffering by having to watch this shitty show! Your efforts are not in vain.

    Like

  16. Erin says:

    “Stephanie comes home with a hella good ass report card but then Danny sees a comment from her teacher about how she needs to control her talking in class. He suggests that she finally learn to shut her fucking mouth for five goddamn seconds just one time in her shameful burden of a life and then she gets all offended for some reason and declares that she’ll never talk ever again.”

    I feel like I should probably just die now because nothing will ever be as funny as this again.

    Like

  17. take-away: “Why doesn’t anyone ever devise a reasonable compromise on this show?”

    Like

  18. Corny Robot says:

    @Billy Superstar: I just realized that Senorita Mosley is Lydia Cornell, the co-host of Basham Radio!

    Like

  19. Courtney says:

    ” I do this for you, the people who fuck around all day at a desk job. This is my poem to you.”

    Thank you!

    Like

  20. Frank says:

    I haven’t seen this episode in a while, so I may be forgetting something, but why was DJ just not doing her work in this one class, anyway? Were the rest of her teachers just giving out A’s like candy, and Senorita Mosley was the only teacher who was actually making her students do any work? I dunno’, it seems like if she were getting straight A’s in all of her classes except for one, that it’d be because she was struggling with learning in that one class, for whatever reason, and not just because she just didn’t feel like doing any work in only that one class.

    Basically, it seems more like DJ had a problem with the teacher, and didn’t do the work in that one class to spite her, because kids think weird like that. “I’ll show HER! I’ll just not do any work, that’ll get revenge on that teacher, mwahaha!”

    Like

  21. Megan says:

    its funny when Danny and the Spanish teacher kissed then Danny says ”Corobma” lol to funny.

    Like

  22. Ginny says:

    “Man, if I was teaching someone English and I said, “see you later” and they said, “burger king,” I’d be downright offended”

    Diet Coke totally came out of my nose on that line. I’m so glad I accidentally discovered this blog. Sure beats doing the pile of work on my desk. Thanks, Billy!

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Ginny, I took Spanish and I made up memory tricks to help me: el tenedor means the fork as in this meat is so tender I can cut it with a fork. Maybe Danny should have said, “See you later too” in Spanish and Billy is a funny dude!

      Like

  23. williec29 says:

    Senorita Mosley is hot. That is the only reason to watch this episode. Stephanie is uber annoying in this one.

    Like

  24. Kate says:

    Okay first of all, I have to say that as a person that loves “Full House” for all its cheesy glory, I think this site is BRILLIANT. I just found out about it now because someone posted a link to it on Buzzfeed’s article about “The 19 Most WTF Moments From ‘Full House”. Now I must add something that always stuck out to me with this episode: at one point, DJ is wearing this ugly ass shit brown blouse with black sleeves that makes her look like she joined the world’s ugliest armed force (for some reason, she’s worn it more than once: you can see her wearing it in one of the screen caps you used for your review of “Pal Joey”). At the end of the episode, Jesse is wearing a noticeably similar shirt (which you can see in the last screen cap). I know that this was a bad time for fashion, but did they all think, hey, let’s get this ugly ass shirt and make them all wear it!!

    Like

  25. Ant says:

    The marshmallow plot is straight out of a 1976 episode of “What’s Happenning?!??”, where Rerun is trying to do a burger commercial, but they chose the cute little girl instead, who,in turn, ruins it. I always thought that show was dated and odd, until seeing the terrifying realities of the Tanner Family.

    Like

  26. Jeanne says:

    Ok.. Who gets all A’s and 1 D? Who goes above and beyond in every single class, but does absolutely nothing in another class? Not very believable.

    Like

  27. Liz says:

    I noticed during the scene when DJ’s spanish teacher is teaching Danny spanish he is saying the words in english

    Also who says el pollo loco when someone says Hasta Luego?

    Hasta Luego means see you later in Spanish

    El Pollo Loco means The Crazy Chicken and to this day is still a local fast food restaurant at least in Hayward CA.

    My friend from Spain knows Spanish and when I showed her Danny Tanner learning Spanish she laughed and said that isn’t the correct saying he is supposed to say Perro not Perro The word Perro is spoken with the r’s rolling

    Thank God, I paid attention to Spanish for a year in high school and in college I’m going to take beginning spanish in the spring semester

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Liz, do you use memory tricks like I do? Debil means weak in Spanish for debilitating which means weakening in English, verde is green for green, verdant pastures, and tenedor is fork for tender meat. My teacher in Spanish showed us “Batman” with Michael Keaton in English with Spanish subtitles and that helps!

      Like

  28. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    That’s one fucking ugly girl. The lil’ princess deserves better.

    Like

  29. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    It’s odd, because while I cannot stand the oldest burden, she isn’t an anomaly

    I was in special needs all throughout high school (and my entire life). So, I didn’t take a language course until later in college. At my first college, I was r@ped and pickpocketed and thus was forced to transfer to any school that would take me.

    After I transferred to another school, I took a Spanish course. It started out great but as the work became harder, and I had yet to confront what had happened a year prior, my grades dropped. I passed with a D, but I could have passed with a B. But I wasn’t trying at that point. I’m shocked that I even graduated.

    Like

  30. Randi B says:

    “I do this for you, the people who fuck around all day at a desk job.”

    Thank you. I recently came across this site and it has been my source of entertainment at work for the entire week. I look forward to finishing it in the coming weeks, and am sad to think about it ending. You are hilarious.

    Like

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