Season 2 Reviewed

I know that it’s pretty standard to thank your readers and credit them with the continuation of an ongoing project like this, but in this case it really is totally, %100 true:  if it weren’t for the support of you readers out there, there’s just no way I’d still be doing this shit.  My sincerest thanks goes out to all of you for continuing to check the site and leaving comments.  As long as you keep coming back, I’ll keep writing these weekly examinations into why Full House sucks so hard.  I’d like to give a special shout out to Carrick, The Surfing Pizza, and the fine fellas over at Gentlemen of Leisure, all of whom have been great friends and early supporters of Full House Reviewed, and all great bloggers themselves.  I’d also like to thank T. Chang for leaving a really nice comment on the season finale that really helped convince me to keep writing this ridiculous blog.  Here’s to you all!

Congratulations are in order for Brandon Rowland, who won our very first contest by getting Dave Coulier to link to Full House Reviewed on Twitter.  I posted that contest really late at night and Brandon had already won it by the time I woke up.  I hope he’s patient with me for the amount of time it’s gonna take to get a Full House Reviewed shirt made up because I never thought in a million years anyone would win that damn thing.  Rest assured, it’s in the works.  I’d be happy to offer up another languidly-produced shirt to anyone else who can achieve the same goal, especially if they can get a response from Kimmie Gibbler because she’s the coolest.

As for Dave Coulier’s actual response to the blog itself, he wrote:  “Wow!  Cool!!!”  I’m guessing he didn’t actually read it at all because you’d have to either be a saint or a complete fucking moron to respond positively to a blog that repeatedly points out what a no-talent fuckhead you are and condones your murder.

Update: Before I posted this he removed the endorsement from his twitter feed, presumably because he got around to looking at the site.

One last note before we move on the actual review:  Dave Coulier’s endorsement brought the site’s heaviest day of traffic ever and with it came our first hateful comment from an actual Full House fan!  Esther writes:

get lost all of u becky and jesse are the best couple on tv i love them togther full house is amazing u sad people just dissing it coz u have nothing better to do get a life bitches

And there you have it, the answer to the question of who actually likes this ridiculous show.  Here’s to you, Esther.  Your eloquent statement absolves me of any guilt I might have felt about trashing this show.

and now, without further ado, here is Season 2, reviewed:

The hardest thing about reviewing every episode of Full House is that every episode sucks.  At what point does one run out of ways of saying that something is awful?  When does it become redundant to point out that the characters stated motivation in a given situation makes no sense, or that their reason for being somewhere completely contradicts their actions from the previous scene?  I guess time will tell, but we’ve got 6 more seasons to get through so I hope it can hold out till then…

My biggest realization as I sat through this crappy season is that Danny Tanner is not the main character of this series.  I always thought that this show was the story of a corny Dad who calls on his out-of-work comedian friend and his brother-in-law to help him raise his obnoxious daughters after his wife dies.  Now that I’ve wasted dozens of hours of my life watching this crap in the order it aired, I’ve finally realized that John Stamos’ character, who is named Jesse Cochran in Season One but becomes Jesse Katsopolis at the beginning of Season Two with no acknowledgement or explanation, is the central character of the show.  Full House is actually the story of a cartoonishly contrived biker/rebel/musician who agrees to help his nerdy brother-in-law raise his obnoxious daughters after the death of his sister.  This change in perspective still does nothing to explain why Joey is invited into this scenario.  Anyway, Jesse learns to embrace the newfound sense of responsibility and the terrible sweaters that come with his initiation into the Tanner family and although he’s not really much cornier than he was when he was a longhaired biker guy, it’s now in a more wholesome, family-friendly way.

Besides enigmatically changing his last name at the onset, Jesse goes through a number of changes in Season Two.  As I just mentioned, his image changes considerably from Season One, and he also quits his family exterminator business to develop an advertising jingle writing partnership with Joey.  Probably the biggest change comes with the introduction of the character of Rebecca Donaldson, who is Danny’s co-host on the morning talk show he is abruptly reassigned to after working as a sportscaster throughout Season One.  After meeting Rebecca Donaldson, Jesse stops spreading his seed all over San Francisco and decides that she’s the woman he wants to settle down with.  Rebecca Donaldson doesn’t take to Jesse right away and Jesse’s pursuit of her and the tension that arises in the early moments of their relationship makes for the closest thing we get to a continuing storyline throughout the season.  The character of Rebecca Donaldson is a welcome addition to the cast if you ask me, as she’s considerably less annoying than most of the other actors and seems to sort of round out the ensemble, although she was probably created for the sole purpose of convincing the audience that the dad’s on this show are not gay.

The characters of Danny and Joey seem even less developed in Season Two than they did in Season One.  The writers completely fail to add anything to them whatsoever, and instead seem to fall back on their token, one-note characteristics:  Joey does lame impressions and Danny has an obsessive-compulsive cleaning habit.  That’s it.

One thing that’s built-into the series is that you get to watch the kids grow up as it progresses.  DJ maintains her position as being a sort of straight-man for the series, as she’s the most “normal” or relatable character.  Stephanie begins to shed her little-kid charm and it’s pretty apparent that it’s just a matter of time before she’s pushed aside to bring the baby to the forefront.  As for the baby herself, this season seems to heighten the creators strategy of shamelessly jumping at any opportunity to have her do as many stupid baby tricks as possible to pander to the audience.  Can you imagine what it would do to you if you had an audience full of people clapping and laughing every time you said anything for the first 8 years of your life?  The Olsen twins upbringing is like some sick sociology experiment.  Still, as tasteless as the baby exploitation seems in these early episodes, it always pales in comparison to what’s to come.

Grandma and Grandpa Katsopolis become regulars in Season Two, which really doesn’t add anything to the series whatsoever.  I’ll be surprised if they return at all in Season Three and consider it safe to assume that they’ll move on to wherever Danny’s mom went after her early appearances in Season One.

Finally, Kimmie Gibbler retains her status as the only tolerable character on this whole show.  Between her incredible fashion sense and total lack of regard towards DJ in any given situation, Kimmie Gibbler remains a bright shining penny that protrudes from a big steaming pile of shit.

So I guess the big question regarding Season Two is how it compares to Season One.  Again, since both are so staggeringly awful, it’s hard to make a comparison.  I guess Season Two deserves some credit for establishing at least a loose form of continuity, whereas Season One just introduced and discarded characters and situations left and right.  Besides Joey’s girlfriend, Cheryl, who makes a return appearance before disappearing forever with no explanation, Season Two seems to almost hold some regard for the elements it introduces.  Still, Season Two has a higher volume of unspeakably awful moments, such as Jesse’s dreaded Christmas speech and the song Jesse sings to Michelle when she gets all obsessed with that other baby.

There are also some pretty great moments, too, like when DJ gets dumped by the kid from the Never Ending Story 2, or Stephanie’s pink spacesuit from the fantasy dream sequence about how her family doesn’t give a shit about her.  So, in conclusion, I don’t really know how to compare these seasons.  It’s like, which pile of shit smells worse?  I don’t know, they just both smell like shit.

And with that, I’d like to put Season Two behind me.  Thanks again for reading this blog and stay tuned next week for the premiere of Season Three!  Something tells me it’s gonna suck!

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43 Responses to Season 2 Reviewed

  1. The Pizza says:

    Congratulations on your first hatemail. You earned it, man.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The Pizza says:

    From clicking around on the cast’s Twitters, I think it’s hilarious that Candace Cameron is now this homeschooling, evangelical prude and one of Andrea Barber’s latest gigs was hosting drag queen bingo at a bar. The spirit of Kimmy Gibbler is ALIVE AND WELL.


  3. Jeannie says:

    I’ve discovered this blog only recently and I read the whole archive in one afternoon. Strange thing is, I am actually a Full House fan, yet I enjoy your blog nonetheless. I see every thing that is wrong/fucked up/plain ridiculous about this show, and yet the amount of emotional, nostalgic attachment doesn’t allow me to stop loving this show. I wonder what it says about me…
    Anyway, I felt like I should leave this comment to let you know that not all of Full House (let’s say) fans are rude, brain-dead morons with bad grammar and even worse spelling. Some of us have some healthy distance to ourselves and the show.

    Kudos to you for writing all this, I’ll certainly keep visiting and reading every week.


    • billysuperstar says:

      thanks, jeannie! welcome to the blog! i think you make a good point and do a fine job of representing a full house fan with a relatable perspective towards the show. your ability to write in complete sentences doesn’t hurt, either.


    • Emily says:

      This is how I feel about the show. I know it’s ridiculous, but I have such an emotional tie to it that I can’t help but love it.


  4. DrBitz says:

    Is there any reason to believe Esther is NOT Dave Coulier?

    The increased traffic from Dave Coulier’s post must be nice, but it’s a double edged sword. It’s increased traffic from people who thought it was a good life decision to start reading what Dave Coulier has to say. Hopefully most of them do it ironically.

    And I think it’s obvious Dave Coulier did not read the blog before posting the link to it. Dave Coulier thinks swear words are evil, vile things that corrupts people souls and turns them gay…or something. I surprised he has a twitter account…I wouldn’t think shitty Popeye impressions would translate well to written text.


    • Mr.Manhattan says:

      Really? He was pretty foul-mouthed in the bloopers. Surprisingly, Bob Saget is even more annoying as himself but Dave seems pretty chill.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lisa says:

        At 4:45, Bob says: “Here’s the cast of Full House – Candace, Jodi, Jon, Dave, MICHELLE.”



      • The Venerable Bede says:

        Oh, wow, this was fun to watch! You’re right, Dave seems pretty chill!


      • Christian says:

        I was always under the impression that all three actors (Stamos, Coulier and Saget) are well aware of how the show is corny and ripe for parody. Especially when one watches the bloopers. Which leads me to believe that Coulier took down the retweet to appease angry full house fans who probably sent him complaints.


      • Uh says:

        That’s what I thought when I saw the tweet. I don’t know why Billy called him a moron for responding like that. He obviously knows how dumb the show was, and it’s so far in his past now that he can admit it was stupid without getting into trouble with the producers or anything. He’s maybe not a good actor, but him realizing that and finding it funny doesn’t make him stupid, in fact it makes me respect him more.


      • rmc says:

        “It takes hours and hours of relentless rehearsal to make it look like we’re having fun.” Hm.


    • JohnMo says:

      As stupid as the Uncle Joey character is and as corny as the show is, I still crack up EVERY TIME he does the Mr. Woodchuck voice!!!!!!!


  5. stuntgranny says:

    This is such an awesome blog, I felt compelled to post here and tell you so. Looking forward to season 3!


  6. Carrick says:

    Woo! Thanks for the shout-out! 🙂 I am definitely still reading this blog, but like I said: if you need to quit for your own mental health, I will totally understand!!

    As bad as season one is, I think season 2 was actually somehow worse. I can’t put my finger on why exactly; I think just there was a greater concentration of infuriating moments. And my average level of infuriation with said moments was a bit higher during this season.

    Can’t wait for the third!! If memory serves me correctly, the Kimmy Gibbler appearances become much more frequent in the later seasons. This season barely had any Gibbler at all!


  7. Gina says:

    Yay for Brandon! I am wondering why we never added Full House to our rotation of shit to watch while we smoked pot in college? Although I’m thinking the music they always play at the end when the “moral story” is revealed would have ruined me.


  8. alexis says:

    helpp~ Kimmy answered me, I hope you have a t shirt for her!

    @alexisalexis0 Are you the writer? I want a shirt. : )


  9. The Pizza says:

    alexis – you’re immortal!


  10. The Pizza says:

    here’s the screen shot


  11. KimanderEvil says:

    I have been spreading this blog around like summer camp herpes. It has been read out loud to drunk folks. If I am feeling blue you have something mean to say about the baby and the world is better. I hope somehow you make a fortune off of this. I love you.


    • billysuperstar says:

      thanks so much! being read aloud to drunk folks is indeed a major achievement! incidentally, you are comment #100! buy yourself a party balloon!


  12. Teebore says:

    You got Dave Coulier to read your blog then turn away in disgust! That’s awesome. That and Esther’s comment (whether Esther or Dave Coulier) must make it all worthwhile…

    My wife saw Dave Coulier perform live once at a work convention she was attending, and I think she was expecting him to be more like Bob Saget (you know, being over-the-top crass in contrast to his squeaky clean Full House persona, and thus, somewhat amusing) but instead his routine was just…Uncle Joey0ish. And apparently, he spent a fair amount of time expressing his dissatisfaction with Bob Saget making a post-Full House career out of being the anti-Danny Tanner.


  13. Chris says:

    Enjoying the blog. Thanks for all the work you’ve put into it.


  14. Jess says:

    I came across this blog tonight and can’t stop reading it. It is by far the funniest shit I’ve read online in a long long time.

    I know it’s tough, but please please keep watching the mindless drivel that is full house and keep entertaining everyone who reads your blog with your super freaking awesome insights


  15. CerebralPaul says:

    I’ve been reading a couple reviews a day for the past week or so. I love this blog so much!

    This is such a great idea for a project. I have the same feeling you describe in your mission statement towards lots of shows. This project makes me want to do a similar thing, only less ambitious. Maybe with another crappy show with only a couple seasons.

    Anyway, love your work thanks for doing this!


    • manos says:

      You want a crappy 80’s show to review that only had a few seasons? Why don’t you look up the atrociously constructed action/drama “Manimal” about this guy that could turn himself into different animals. Horrid, HORRID show…. But if you can’t do it in a funny, entertaining way, leave it to the professionals. cause you’d only make it worse.


    • Christian says:

      Take a stab at Small Wonder!


  16. Dalif says:

    Mr. Superstar, you have inspired thousands already. Will you be able to handle the fame and fortune that must surely follow in the wake of an ambitious project such as this?!

    Just finished the season 2 clincher, moving swiftly on to Season 3. Don’t stop!


  17. Alyssa says:

    do you have twitter?


  18. Santanaonfire says:

    “Kimmie Gibbler remains a bright shining penny that protrudes from a big steaming pile of shit.”

    Sort of like the sword in the stone. I dare you to see if you can pull it out…


  19. kp199 says:

    LMAO at Dave Coulier deleting the tweet. Priceless.


  20. Missi says:

    So, I have posted some comments recently, but I just can’t seem to find as many words as I would like to express my gratitude for a blog such as this. I hate everything about Full House, and as I watch it as an adult, I fantasize about scraping my retinas out with the pointy end of a bottle opener. I just found this blog a few days ago, and I am burning through it so fast. It makes my heart sing that I am not the only person to see Full House as the wretched abortion that it is. I remember a good portion of it from my childhood, when my grandfather would make me watch it with him. He would drink his Old Milwaukee and yell at the dog on commercials, and all the while I was looking around the room for anything that I could plunge into the center of my temple so I could end the misery that is trashing my Friday nights watching these idiots perfect being walking parody’s of themselves. THANK YOU EVERYONE! The blogger mostly, but everyone has some really fantastic comments. I laugh until I cry, and sometimes, I pee a little. This thing is straight from Heaven…. I am not worthy…..


  21. Take-aways:
    “Jesse learns to embrace the newfound sense of responsibility and the terrible sweaters that come with his initiation into the Tanner family…”

    “Can you imagine what it would do to you if you had an audience full of people clapping and laughing every time you said anything for the first 8 years of your life?”


  22. kathy says:

    I just found this blog yesterday and yes im already on to season 3. you are amazing and i cant wait to keep going. will you review another show? recent or other


  23. Chuck Damage says:

    I think it’s worth mentioning that Uncle Jessie breaks both his arms in the first episode and that’s never referanced again.


  24. Ashley says:

    I love how whenever there is hate mail the person can’t spell at all. They also resort to petty insults like: “You must not have a life!” Anytime someone insults anything someone is a fan of you’re guaranteed to find someone who will say that. I said something against Justin Bieber once on a public forum and I definitely got a lot of hate.

    Anyway, I enjoyed reading the first two seasons. I can’t wait to see what you have written for the rest.


  25. Alexa says:

    John Stamos has always been first in the credits, before Bob Saget, though even alphabetically he’s behind. This should have been a big clue as far as character importance.


  26. Kimmy says:

    I started reading this blog on Wednesday and I can’t stop. I’m reading in reverse order and am getting a bit sad that I just made it to Season 2 which means I am almost near the end. I am not sure what to do with myself when I no longer have hours upon hours of entertainment from your blog. Regardless, you rock.


  27. Sid says: This is pretty perfect for this site. Wow and shudder.


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