Season 3, Episode 5, “Granny Tanny”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Stephanie tries to teach Michelle how to tie her shoes but it turns out that Stephanie is just being manipulated into tying them for her.

Michelle crawls all over Uncle Jesse as he’s sleeping and reminds him that Grandma’s coming to visit.  He realizes that she must have escaped from her crib in order to come into his room and when he asks if this is the case, she says, “you got it, dude.”  Although this isn’t the first time she’s uttered this catch phrase, it is the first time the audience totally flips their shit when she says it.  Why was that ever a thing?  That little girl saying that phrase and giving the thumbs up is more annoying than the entire cast of Blossom combined.  I defy you to find a more annoying catch phrase in the entire history of television.  Anyway, Jesse tells Danny that Michelle’s able to escape her crib now and then Danny announces that it’s time for Michelle’s first big-girl bed.

DJ alerts everyone that Grandma’s car has pulled up and then there’s a ring at the doorbell and then this person walks in:

For those of you who have better things to do than cultivate an encyclopedic knowledge of Full House in your spare time, here is a brief history of grandma’s throughout the show so far:  The pilot of Full House actually opens with the original Grandma, Danny’s Mom, Claire, as she is booted out of the full house so the Uncle’s can move in.  She appears once more a few episodes later wherein she teams up with Joey and Jesse’s Mom’s and tries to usurp the Uncle’s to create a more structured, grandma-centric full house.  After that plan failed her days were clearly numbered and she was occasionally referred to but never shown onscreen again. For example, if the girls weren’t in an episode it was because they were “with Grandma.”  Season 2 brought in a new Grandma, Jesse’s Mom, Grandma Katsopolis, who was played by a different actress than the Jesse’s Mom who previously teamed up with Danny’s Mom.  Grandma Katsopolis was joined by Grandpa Katsopolis and the two of them showed up occasionally throughout Season 2, which never really added much to the show.  We haven’t seen them yet in Season 3 and I’m willing to bet that they’re gone for good.  This brings us to this episode, where Danny’s Mom, Claire, returns at long last to the full house, but the original actress has been replaced by Doris Roberts, who is probably best known for her later role on Everybody Loves Raymond.  I wonder what happened to the o.g. Grandma?

The family congratulates Grandma on her recent retirement but then she just goes into a whole spiel about how lonely and bored she is and how she can feel the icy hand of death slowly reaching out for her.  Later she makes everyone pancakes and then insists on cleaning up.  Danny decides that taking care of him and his family brings Grandma joy and meaning in her otherwise hollow life and so the family should all act like they can’t live without her while she’s there.  What the fuck kind of sense does that make?  The kids are all confused at the prospect of telling a lie, even if it’s to make Grandma happy.

Amidst cleaning up after everyone and taking Stephanie to the zoo, Grandma picks out Michelle first bed.  Many of you who are familiar with this show must surely have that pencil bed deeply embedded into your subconscious.

The family all rave about Grandma as they eat a big ass dinner that she’s prepared.  They give her such praise that she decides that the only logical state of affairs would be for the Uncle’s to move out and for her to come live at the full house.  Now that’s the kind of statement that really calls for a musical cue and a commercial break!

I’m surprised they didn’t milk this scenario more before Grandma made the decision to move in.  You think there’d be some more scenes of the family feigning ineffectiveness so Grandma would help them out or something.  That seems like grounds for some wacky comedy to me.  All they really do is tell her that they think she’s hella rad for like 5 minutes and then she starts tellin’ muthafuckas they gots to move out.  It’s also kind of weird how this is pretty much the same thing that went down the last time we saw Grandma.  Could they not think of a single scenario for Grandma Tanner other than her trying to invade the full house?

The Uncles, sensing that their meal ticket is at stake, quickly tell Grandma to back the fuck up.  She then replies that they can stay but they have to share a room.  Dang, y’all, Grandma’s callin all the shots!  The Uncle’s try to get Danny to give Grandma the boot but of course Danny’s a big fuckin mamma’s boy so he doesn’t do shit.  Grandma leaves the scene to get the baby ready for bed and then the kids scold Danny for making them lie to Grandma about how rad she is, thus resulting in Grandma’s presumptuous invasion, and the Uncles further pressure Danny to give Grandma the old heave ho.

Michelle has trouble adjusting to her new bed so Jesse helps her out in what’s gotta be the longest scene ever.  First he performs wacky physical comedy to help her get comfortable and then the scene takes on a more serious tone as he agrees to sit with her while she falls asleep.  I guess this scene is in there to emotionally manipulate us into caring about the bond between Jesse and Michelle, what with it being in jeopardy because of buttinski ass Grandma and all.  I wasn’t really buyin it until the long slow pan of them holding each other as the scene faded out and gentle music played.  That shit melted my heart.

Danny continues to avoid telling his mom to get up out his house but Joey really stays on his case about it.  Seriously, what the fuck would Joey do if he had to leave the full house?  He’s the most useless man on the planet!  You can see the fear in his eyes as he tries every psychological technique he can think of to get Danny to make his mom leave.

Danny finally confronts his mom and tells her that they were all just pretending to need her there and she can’t move in.  Dang, he might as well punch her in the face while he’s at it!  Grandma gets upset and then gentle music plays as Danny explains that he mislead her before because he’s so desperate to make her happy.  They quickly work out their issues with one another and then Danny suggests that instead of moving into the full house, Grandma should get an apartment in the neighborhood.  I’m always kind of at a loss for words when characters arrive at a reasonable compromise on this show.

Just to wrap things up, Danny goes into the girls room to fill them in on the Grandma situation and to tell them once again that lying is hella shitty.  He then informs them that they should never spare his feelings by lying to him and then they start spouting off about all this lame stuff he does.  Best ending ever!

So I’ve got about ten million bucks that says we never see Grandma Tanner ever again.  I’d even go so far as to wager that this is the last attempt on this show to feature any grandparents at all.  Seriously, every iteration of the grandparents on this show was totally unremarkable and this has gotta count as the third strike.  I did kind of like how this latest Grandma just rolled up on the full house and started making decisions for everybody.  It kind of gives you a sense of where the Tanner family’s relentless sense of entitlement comes from.  But then how did Grandma get like that?  I wonder where you’d end if you traced the Tanner family along their lineage of imposing behavior?  My guess is that they were descended from the Pilgrims.  I guess if you think about it, the Tanner family are sort of a characterization of everything that’s horrible about white people throughout history.  They’re loud and anal retentive, pushy, self-righteous, judgmental, don’t listen, act entitled, have no empathy, have way more money than they deserve, have bad fashion and terrible taste in music and dancing, and they’re fucking corny as hell.  I can’t believe I never realized this before.  This is my Full House epiphany:  Full House is anti-white people propaganda.  You can file this shit on a shelf at a video store next to Seventh Heaven and The Brady Bunch and call it the Kill Whitey section.

Firsts:  Michelle’s pencil bed

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59 Responses to Season 3, Episode 5, “Granny Tanny”

  1. Targus says:

    Oh. No.

    Not the pencil bed…

    Like

  2. Alexis Alexander says:

    well no wonder these children have issues, with this constant changing kaleidoscope of grandmas.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Teebore says:

    Stephanie tries to teach Michelle how to tie her shoes but it turns out that Stephanie is just being manipulated into tying them for her.

    Boy, that’s kinda a microcosm for Michelle’s role on this show, isn’t it?

    You can file this shit on a shelf at a video store next to Seventh Heaven and The Brady Bunch and call it the Kill Whitey section.

    Ha! Brilliant!

    Like

  4. Mary Kate says:

    Hah, I adore this blog. I’ve read every single episode review, but this is the first time I’m leaving a comment. I really should have a long time ago. Thanks for making me laugh. The whole “kill whitey” thing here is great, too. I completely agree.

    Like

  5. Joan Crawford says:

    Everyone in the world should follow this blog. “Why don’t you eat the peanuts out of my shit?” has become a saying between my sister and I now – how we ever communicated before learning that one, I do not know.

    Like

    • billysuperstar says:

      aw, thanks! while i cant help but agree with your point that everyone in the world should read this blog, i feel obligated to admit that the line about peanuts and shit was lifted from a little movie entitled, “Full Metal Jacket.” credit where it’s due…

      Like

  6. Oh Christ… The anti-white propaganda bit made me choke on my soda. Beautiful work, man.

    Like

  7. ilovethisamphibian says:

    Full House as a white minstrel show… pretty astute analysis. I think it is also the first show I’d rather read about than watch.

    Like

  8. Scott says:

    I first read the name of this episode I was more than a little shocked to see they named an episode “Granny Tranny”. I had to go reread it again and realized the true title. However, this does make me wonder if you’re not giving the shows writers enough credit. C’mon, seriously? Tell me at least a few people didn’t think it said tranny. Casting Doris Roberts as the granny/tranny only serves to reinforce my theory that someone was in on the joke.

    Like

    • Scott-
      I read it as “Tranny” too! I like the idea that someone would be in on the joke, but who knows? Maybe each week the writers would get together and see who could come up with the lamest ideas and see if they would get through. Maybe this is all one huge joke on the North American viewing audience? – Jenn

      Like

      • Jen Woodward says:

        I did too! And thought that Bob Saget was going to do the whole cross dressing thing and star as both Danny and his mother. Though I still feel like I have seen that somewhere…. Is cross dressing Danny going to show up in later episodes? I fucking hope not but with this show who the fuck knows?

        Like

      • Amanda says:

        You are correct. I have no idea what season, but Danny and Joey do, in fact cross dress in a later episode. It’s the one where they’re trying to steal back the mascot thingy from the sorority at the college reunion.

        Like

    • Some guy says:

      Hahaha, oh man, I read it that way as well. If only that DID call it that just to fuck with people.

      Like

    • Kenny says:

      Once again no offense but transgenders are the butt of enough jokes as it is so I dont get the humor in that regard im afraid.

      Like

      • A. R. F. Jerk says:

        ahahahahaha

        come on, they aren’t looking down on transgendered people and expressing any sort of superiority over them (and I’m sure they’re thinking about transVESTITES more than anything), they’re just making childish observations about how “tanny” looks like “tranny” especially when placed next to the word “granny” like that.

        oh, but I’m an ignorant, cisgendered (whatever that means), white, privileged male, so what do I know. Clearly I could NEVER empathize with the likes of you.

        Like

  9. tinribs27 says:

    Things I thought I’d blocked out from my childhood: That god damn pencil bed. Thanks..

    Like

  10. meow says:

    One of my friends had a dream where she was raped by Uncle Jesse under the pencil bed while Danny sat and watched in the tree outside the window…

    Like

  11. Mario Speedwagon says:

    This got me wondering of the whereabouts of Grandpa Tanner. My guess is that he died one day and the family were too self absorbed to notice.

    Like

    • Mario Speedwagon says:

      Oh, and didn’t Stephanie lose a tooth two episodes ago? It seems it’s grown back! That family may have many problems, but calcium ain’t one of them.

      Like

  12. Leroy Cook says:

    too bad doris roberts didnt replace joey.

    Like

  13. Dalif says:

    I’m a little saddened by the fact, that you didn’t comment on that blanket Uncle Jesse is getting cozy with in the second screencap. If that doesn’t scream lewd 70s porn, I don’t know what does.

    Like

  14. Jordan says:

    This is my favourite part of your blog, specifically.

    “I can’t believe I never realized this before. This is my Full House epiphany: Full House is anti-white people propaganda. You can file this shit on a shelf at a video store next to Seventh Heaven and The Brady Bunch and call it the Kill Whitey section.

    Firsts: Michelle’s pencil bed”

    I can hear you (without knowing what you sound like) saying this, getting all worked up in the paragraph above, and then “BAM… ‘Firsts: Michelle’s pencil bed”. The change in tone is great, and whether you meant it to flow like this or not, it’s masterful, and I thank you for it.

    In fact, I kind of want to read these aloud, in podcast form or something.

    Like

  15. Kitty says:

    You cannot really think Michelle’s “you got it, dude,” is more annoying than Joey’s, “cut it out,” complete with terrible hand gestures each time he says it. Which is at least once every scene he is in. I throw up in my mouth every time he says it. Which is probably why I shouldn’t watch the show as much as I do.

    Like

    • PuppetDoctor says:

      Thank you.

      Whenever I watch Full House and Joey says “Cut It Out” I just cringe.

      Michelle’s “You got it, dude” I can live with even though many of those repeated sayings on the show are annoying. Joey’s takes the cake though.

      R.I.P. The original Grandma Tanner I will miss you.

      Like

  16. Lisa says:

    The grandmother should already be living there! Hear me out– if your wife dies, and you’re now left to raise 3 little girls on your own, who do you call to help you? Your MOM. She’s raised kids before (granted, the kid she raised turned out to be the Danny Tanner we know today, but that’s beside the point), she’s retired and has not much else going on in her life, and she is most likely a widower. Raising her grandchildren would be the perfect gig for this chick. Instead, brilliant decision maker Danny calls upon his retard friends who have zero experience with kids and have their whole lives ahead of them. They finally get an out and they want to STAY?? Get a life! No, seriously, both of you are living Pam’s life. Get one of your own.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Lisa, I think Danny’s mom would have made a better addition than 2 guys who have no idea how to raise 2 small girls and a baby! I think a high quality day care would also have suited Michelle as well!

      Like

  17. erin says:

    Oh man, I love your “white people” Full House epiphany. The most disturbing aspect of this, however, is if the Tanner family’s behavior was not interpreted that way (as ironically “anti” this kind of terrible person) by the writers / the cackling audience, thus suggesting that American contemporary society has “evolved” to such a horrifying degree as for people acting so goddamn awful like that does not seem out of the ordinary. And adults let their kids watch this!

    Like

  18. Santanaonfire says:

    OK, so I totally misread the title of the episode as “Granny Tranny”. Haha, now THAT would have been an interesting episode!
    (Scott – I had not yet read your comment when I wrote/interpreted this. I have gotten in the habit of logging thoughts while reading through the post/comment, and THEN posting my comment.)

    “He realizes that she must have escaped from her crib in order to come into his room and when he asks if this is the case, she says, “you got it, dude.”

    This is because there are like 5 mattresses in her crib that take it up to pretty much the top of the rail. I’m surprised (and disappointed) that she didn’t fall out and break her neck while escaping. Though I’m undecided if I would prefer for her to have died, or to become a quadriplegic toddler. Does that count as being a toddler if she wheels around instead of toddling?

    “I guess this scene is in there to emotionally manipulate us into caring about the bond between Jesse and Michelle, what with it being in jeopardy because of buttinski ass Grandma and all. I wasn’t really buyin it until the long slow pan of them holding each other as the scene faded out and gentle music played. That shit melted my heart.”

    Amazing!

    “My guess is that they were descended from the Pilgrims. I guess if you think about it, the Tanner family are sort of a characterization of everything that’s horrible about white people throughout history.”

    OMG – This. This, right here.

    I hate white people (and I am one). I also love white people hating on white people who are some of the whitest people themselves. Like me. I read the blog-to-book “Stuff White People Like” and own and/or am passionate about 75% of the things in there. So yeah, I’m pretty white.

    BTW, listen to the Type O Negative song “Kill All The White People”. Says it all. R.I.P. Peter Steele.

    Like

    • Kenny says:

      No offense but I notice you seem to always have a negative comment to say about gay people or even transgenders for that matter.

      Just curious as to why? Im not angry just genuinely curious.

      Like

  19. kp199 says:

    So not only did they change the actress who played Jesse’s mom, they pulled the same shit with Danny’s mom. It was VERY obvious, to regular viewers, that they blatantly changed the actress. I’m assuming they were trying to pull in viewers, as Doris Roberts was very popular at this time.

    Like

  20. Chuck says:

    In regards to your question early on, Alice Hirson (Granny Tanny #1) later turned up as Ellen’s mom, as well as the maternal grandmother on 7th Heaven (who reveals in the first ep that she has leukemia,then is briefly seen in the 2nd ep, at the end of which we learn that she’s passed away)…also, she had a recurring role on Dallas around the same time as her FH gig.

    Like

  21. Take-away:
    “I’m always kind of at a loss for words when characters arrive at a reasonable compromise on this show.”

    Like

  22. SteveInSanDiego says:

    “All they really do is tell her that they think she’s hella rad for like 5 minutes and then she starts tellin’ muthafuckas they gots to move out.”

    You never disappoint.

    Like

  23. Kenny says:

    This is my Full House epiphany: Full House is anti-white people propaganda. You can file this shit on a shelf at a video store next to Seventh Heaven and The Brady Bunch and call it the Kill Whitey section.

    OMFG haha!

    Like

  24. Nat says:

    I donno, “Excuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess” from the Legend of Zelda cartoon was a pretty terrible catchphrase. I’d definitely score that right up there with “you got it dude.”

    Like

  25. jannghi says:

    Uncle’s = Uncles!
    Mom’s = Moms
    Apostrophes are not used for plurals!!!

    Like

  26. Lindsay says:

    Not sure if it’s been mentioned before but that pencil bed is totally different than the one on later episodes! This one has the primary colors, the other is more pastel-y. Wonder why they changed it?

    Like

  27. BOTR says:

    Granny Tanny #3 might as well be called “Marie Barone the Prequel”; they’re pretty much the same character. At least Danny doesn’t have a nasally whine like Raymond.

    Like

  28. Livvie says:

    The only reason I remember this episode is because I totally thought Doris Roberts and Bob Sagat were going to kiss in their confrontation scene in Jesse’s room. How fucked up is that? What is it with him and the women that play his mom?

    Like

  29. Cee says:

    “I defy you to find a more annoying catch phrase in the entire history of television.”

    “Whachoo talkin’ ’bout, Willis?” Stupid, unfunny, and he said it every. single. episode.

    Like

  30. The Flying Monk says:

    I think I would go with Chachi on Happy Days’ “Wua wua wua!” As the most annoying catchphrase of all time. Was he actually supposed to sound cool saying that? What were the writers thinking?!

    Like

  31. Penny says:

    I didn’t see the point of a pencil bed. It was totally different in style from the quilt bedspread and those puffy animal things on the sickly pale blue walls. It seems a lot of viewers were disturbed by that pencil bed.

    Like

  32. Sid says:

    I don’t care if she was on Everybody Love Gaymond, she will always be Mildred from Remington Steel to me (goddamnit, I’m old)

    Like

  33. Martin Tanner's Ghost says:

    “That shit melted my heart.”

    When it comes to comments like that, I can never tell if you’re being sincere or sarcastic.

    Like

  34. laura says:

    I can not believe that in 4 years no one has stumbled across this website and called you out for your blatant racism.

    For a guy who previously lectured his audience about, “how dare they use the word gypped because racist,” you have no compunction about going on a tirade about the horrors white people and literally saying “Kill Whitey.”. There is something seriously wrong with you if you do not see a problem with an entire paragraph degrading white people. Imagine anyone writing a similar paragraph about another race.

    But, then again, you watch Full House for a “living.” For a guy who hates those layabout uncles, you seem to live in a glass house.

    (BTW Joey was no one’s uncle and is never referred to as such until Jesse’s kids are born. The girls never call him Uncle Joey.)

    I think rather than looking for deeper meaning about the so-called evils of the white man in a bad 25-year-old TV show, maybe you should examine how you are so high-handedly moralistic when it suits you (gypsies, gays), but have no problem just ripping on an entire race and don’t see that as racist. Talk about imposing. You literally decide which groups to lash out to protect and which groups to attack, and somehow it’s ok when you do it.

    Like

  35. JG says:

    You know what always bugged me about the show- if Danny is such an OCD clean-freak, then why did he allow shoes worn in the house? Do you know how gross the bottom of shoes are?! On top of that, why would he let Michelle jump on her brand new & clean bed with shoes on??

    Like

  36. kitty says:

    Eh. I’m tired of Americans saying “people” when they mean “Americans”. There is no “white people” and no “white culture” because there is a bigger difference between a blond American and a blond Albanian than there is between a blond American and a black American.

    Like

    • Sarah says:

      Uh, what are you talking about? The differences between White Canadians, White Americans, and even White English people are not that vast.

      Like

  37. Dan says:

    RIP Doris Roberts.

    Like

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