Season 3, Episode 12, “Joey and Stacy and…Oh, Yeah, Jesse”

Danny tells Michelle to stop blowing bubbles into her chocolate milk.  She diverts each of his assertions with the question of “why?” until he finally concedes that it’s ok after all, going so far as to blow bubbles into his own chocolate milk to support her.  Yeah, that’s right, just go ahead and let that asshole baby do whatever she wants.

Joey interrupts Jesse’s rehearsal for their new commercial with the suggestion that they replace their retarded musical routine with his shitty ass comedy.  Jesse shuts him down and then introduces him to the backup singers he’s hired for the ad, including Stacy, who’s apparently a big fan of Joey’s stand-up and really enthused to meet him.  Incidentally, the other backup singer is played by Cindy Herron, former Ms. Black California and founding member of En Vogue.  She has almost no lines or screen time but I thought it was kind of interesting to see her on here, mostly because I’m pretty desperate to find any genuine points of interest whatsoever on this soul-sucking shitpile of a tv show.  I mean, what else is there to do besides let your brain totally numb itself while you’re watching this?  When you’ve got Joey onscreen in a ridiculous beret doing a terrible impression of Roseanna Barr you get pretty desperate for something else to shift your focus toward.

Kimmie Gibbler comes over to copy DJ’s homework but it turns out the dog ate it.  And as if destroying the homework wasn’t insulting enough, Comet seems to have somehow torn a hole in the paper in the shape of a dick and balls.  Astounding!

Danny and the baby file into DJ’s room one after another, each stating complaints about something of theirs that the dog fucked up.  Suddenly, as if on cue, Stephanie enters the scene with Comet, and upon discovering that everyone’s hella mad at him she casually excuses his behavior.

Joey and Stacy continue their bizarre, cartoon-trivia-based courtship in the living room and then abruptly start making out.  Gross!  One thing that’s really caught me off guard while watching through this series is how much ass Joey seems to get.  He can’t ever get a functional relationship going but he sure does get a lot more action than you’d expect.  Of course, him getting any action whatsoever would be more than you’d expect, but he actually, appallingly, seems to do pretty well with the ladies.  Besides being nauseating, it’s just not very believable, especially in moments like this, where immediately after making out with Stacy, Joey exclaims, “Aye Chihuahua!”  I mean, really, what woman is gonna stick around after that?  I guess the same fucked up weirdo woman who would make out with Joey in the first place.

Anyway, Jesse walks in on their cavorting and tells Joey what suit to wear for their meeting tomorrow and then Stacy immediately starts getting in Joey’s ear about how Jesse’s always telling him what to do.  Just then Jesse summons Joey from the kitchen and tells him about bowling plans for the evening that he’s made for the two of them and Rebecca Donaldson.  Incidentally, what the hell happened to Rebecca Donaldson?  They put her in the opening credits at the beginning of the season, establishing her as a permanent character, but then we hardly ever saw her after that and now she’s not even in the opening credits anymore.  What’s up with that?  But I guess that’s just me digging up diversions again, either because I’m really having a hard time getting through this episode or maybe just because I miss staring at that sweet, sweet morning show hostess ass.

So anyway Joey gets up in Jesse’s shit about always bossing him around but then Jesse cools him down and then the two of them make up by doing annoying Sammy Davis Jr. impressions.  However, things just might not be fully resolved, as once the mood lightens, Jesse immediately starts calling shots again and a somber musical note at the end of the scene suggest further disharmony.

Stephanie follows a trail of Mr. Bears clothes in the hallway and finds him gutted on the floor of her room.

It’s weird how artificial the scene looks, like Mr. bear was carefully cut open and placed on the floor.  It seems like in the ultra-bland pastel world of Full House, even an act of animal violence is carefully arranged and presented in the most vanilla way possible.  Anyhow, Stephanie freaks out and the rest of the family come to see what the big hullabaloo is and then Comet comes in and, not content with simply destroying Stephanie’s beloved childhood stuffed animal, he mounts Mr. Bear right there, in front of everyone.  Dang, I guess I spoke to soon about this scene being vanilla….

Jesse and Joey present their advertising jingle to some stuffy business guys.  I wonder what ever happened to their boss, Mr. Malatesta?  We haven’t seen that guy in a while…  Oh, right, so anyway, they do their presentation, which includes a large, hideous puppet, and the business guys like it but decide that it’s “too safe.”  Stacy then pressures Joey to present his shitty comedy routine and so he pitches to the business guys that they check out his new, “unexpected” approach in the form of a comedy routine, because I’m really sure that Joey is the first guy in the history of radio advertising to think of doing a lame comedy routine to sell a shitty product.  So Joey goes into a bit about a French hockey player and, naturally the business guys immediately agree to buy it. Jesse gets all butt hurt about Joey selling the comedy idea and storms out like a little girl.  In the aftermath of Jesse’s sissy tantrum, Stacy tells Joey that they can’t see each other anymore because it’s causing too much trouble for he and Jesse’s partnership.

While DJ tries to repair Mr. Bear, Stephanie relates her issues with Comet to Jesse’s with Joey.  Danny intervenes and gives them advice about having faith in friends.  What’s kind of weird is that he pretty much tells Stephanie that it’s her own fault that Mr. Bear got fucked up because she left him laying around.  You’d think maybe he’d want to invest in some obedience training for that dog since it’s been actively fucking up everyone’s shit.  Why is the solution just to blame Stephanie instead?  But anyway it doesn’t matter because DJ fixes Mr. Bear so everything goes back to normal.  Just once can’t someone learn a hard lesson on this show?  Every time someone is forced to reconcile with not getting what they want they are rewarding by getting what they want.

After talking with Danny, Jesse recognizes that he has a tendency to be bossy so he confronts Joey in order to patch things up.  Jesse unambiguously apologizes and tells Joey that he was right about everything but Joey just rants at him.  Suddenly and without explanation, Stacy enters the kitchen (seriously, how did she get inside the full house?).  She tells Joey that Jesse called her up to try to help patch things up between them (but still says nothing about him letting her inside the full house) and Joey is so touched that the music comes on.  The uncles declare their undying gay love for each other and then Jesse orders Joey to kiss Stacy.  Joey’s like, what the fuck, I thought we just agreed that you were gonna quit ordering me around, but then Stacy insists that he comply.  Isn’t that fucking gross?

Joey and Stacy have the most fast paced relationship I’ve ever seen.  They’ve known each other for about 2 days and their relationship has already caused a major rift in Joey’s professional life and they’ve broken up and gotten back together.  Although they’ve come so far in such a short amount of time, something tells me that we’ll never see Stacy ever again.  I guess that explains why Joey gets so many girlfriends:  the show provides him with one every time it’ll serve some lame ass plot.

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55 Responses to Season 3, Episode 12, “Joey and Stacy and…Oh, Yeah, Jesse”

  1. KimanderEvil says:

    Is perverse the word, that Jesse is watching them make out? I find that distasteful.

    Jesse as “musician” (whores), Joey is a “comedian” (drugs), Danny’s as “parent”(do what you want and blame others) this going to turn these girls into crazy drug whores. 3 bat-shit-drunk-fake-tittied- bad-dyejob-coked-out-sluts who will wind up in a dumpster at 19 in shinetown. We will be able to point out many moments as to why? WHY! did they end up this way.


    • KimanderEvil says:

      I have spent some time reworking the response. If it could be amended as:

      …coked-out-sluts, who wind up dead in a dumpster smothered with a plastic bag filled with airplane glue at 19 in some sh*tty part of some broke Shinetown, U.S.A or most likely Mexico. We are then able to point out where we, as a nation, went wrong for these girls. We ALLOWED Danny Tanner to invite these irresponsable *ssholes to quote care for unquote his selfish, rotten demon spawn and watched with glee as this baby grew into the evil overlord who split in two to continue to ruin America.


      • manos says:

        Fake-tittied coke whores? You’re describing the perfect women… Carry on, Danny, CARRY ON.


      • Santanaonfire says:

        I find it amusing that with such a graphic description, you felt no need to hold back, but actually a need to add on to it, yet, considered it necessary to censor the letter “i” in shitty, and the letter “a” in ass. In a comment on a blog that is over-fucking-flowing with curses.


      • SteveInSanDiego says:

        First fucking thing I noticed too! 🙂


    • Santanaonfire says:

      Jesse probably watched Joey make out because 1) Joey has stared at Jesse while he makes out plenty of times, and 2) Jesse is gay for Joey, and it gives him a boner to watch his mouth make kissing motions, even if it is on a girl.


  2. carrick says:

    Reading this blog feels like twisting my finger around inside an open wound. It hurts so good…


  3. Rachel says:

    Reading this blog, and seeing these screen caps is making me rethink my entire childhood. I remember watching this show and thinking Uncle Jesse was the coolest guy ever. And I dressed like the girls! I even wore my hair up in a side pony-tail with a big bow, like Michelle does. So many wasted years.
    Although to my credit, I always hated Uncle Joey. ALWAYS.


  4. Teebore says:

    In the aftermath of Jesse’s sissy tantrum, Stacy tells Joey that they can’t see each other anymore because it’s causing too much trouble for he and Jesse’s partnership.

    Wait, wasn’t she the one driving the wedge between them by pointing out how bossy Jesse was? And now she’s bowing out because…she’s driving a wedge between them?

    Wait, am I expecting this show to make narrative sense?


    • billysuperstar says:

      oh! teebore! i have to tell you, i went through an emotional roller coaster when you did not comment on friday! your comments get more comments than my articles do! glad you’re back!


    • JohnMo says:

      Was Stacy the chick from Hello Larry? She sure looked familiar!


  5. Meridith says:

    In searching for a still of the picnic scene in the opening credits, I stumbled across your website. I’ve gotten such great amusement of your recaps! My friends and I just recently visited San Francisco and of course we had to re-enact the scene in front of the Painted Ladies from this wonderfully awful show. I would love to photoshop our faces onto their faces during the picnic scene but haven’t found a good still from the credits. My question to you is, is there a place where you are getting your screen shots for your reviews, or are you making them yourself? If there is a place that you grab them from, would you mind sending me in that direction so that I might find what I’m looking for? If you make them yourself, I don’t suppose you’d mind capturing the picnic scene as a huge favor to a complete stranger? I know this is a longshot and really, our only purpose is to amuse ourselves. We are all fighting over who gets to be who, but of course, I’m the one with the Photoshop skills. 🙂 Thanks in advance for any help you might be able to give.


  6. ilovethisamphibian says:

    “I’m pretty desperate to find any genuine points of interest whatsoever on this soul-sucking shitpile of a tv show.”

    So I guess I am about halfway through the reviews so far and I am concerned. This blog is starting to remind me of that sauna competition where a bunch of people died and everyone got third degree lip burns from their own breath.

    I hope that if your face starts to burn off you will stop watching Full House. For a little while.


  7. bri says:

    Danny’s super lame, but isn’t it shocking how many more girls Joey gets than Danny? I mean, Danny is an uptight dork who spoils his girls beyond belief, but at least he has a job, a house, and a car… plus he doesn’t tell retarded jokes and do impressions all the time. Didn’t Joey end up with the beautiful granddaughter in that auction episode, while Danny got the grandma? WTF?

    I still wanna know what happened to Cheryl, damn it!!


    • manos says:

      Danny has a HIGH PAYING job, to boot, and is somewhat a local celebrity…. he should pull more ass than a washed up freeloader comedian.


  8. Jenn says:

    Again with the cookies and chocolate milk! That kid has the worst diet ever. Cookies, ice cream, cake…gross.


  9. Kerissa Ward says:

    Fun fact (if I remember correctly): Stacy was played by the actress who was the oldest daughter on ‘Gimme A Break’.


  10. Leroy Cook says:

    “asshole baby” i love the baby definitions. and is it not a surprise that the dog is acting like the rest of these attention starved selfish cockclowns? he’s simpley getting in step with the full house atmosphere.


  11. Pete says:

    I’m guessing Bob Saget volunteered to put that hole in DJ’s homework.

    Also, Joey gets ass because they live in California, which always was more laid back, so you can get away with being a goofy fuck and having a decent sex life. He couldn’t pull that crap on the east coast.


  12. Ruby Lee says:

    Joey is probably Kato Kaelin’s personal hero


  13. Jeff says:

    I couldn’t stop laughing at that dick paper and DJ’s expression.


  14. Jordan says:

    I don’t know why, but the “presentation” that Joey and Jesse give is one of those moments that stick with me. The shitty Guy LaFleur impression, and the jingle “Totally radial… Fred’s. Tire. Town.” will never leave my brain. In fact, I thought that, earlier, with Mr Malatesta and Michelle in the office was the scene that all of this took place in, but then I thought “Isn’t there a girl with Joey?”.

    Also, when Joey says “Aie Chihuahua”, Jesse does the whole asking-himself-a-question-but-really-he’s-just-repeating-what-he-heard-and-thought-to-be-ridiculous “Aie Chihuahua??”, and I will always remember his super smug, douchebag voice, and how that sounded when he said it, and it fills me with anger. The worst part is, that part of the scene was considered a joke.



  15. Satan says:

    Of all the “not-bloody-likely” scenarios that take place on this show, perhaps the biggest one is the potential for a woman to cede attention to her boyfriend’s “guy life”, like Joey’s girl does in this episode.

    Never in a million years would this chick just be all, “Well, you’re the man of my dreams, but my existence in your life is ruining your professional and social livelihood, so I can’t, in good faith, continue this relationship.”


  16. kp199 says:

    Just remember, these ladies are getting paid to act like they want Joey.


  17. Chuck says:

    I think they only gave Rebecca Donaldson a mention in the season 3 opening credits on eps where she appeared.


  18. Missi says:

    I love this blog. I just get so annoyed with the lame attempt at moral family values. I have 3 kids, and a fourth on the way. Where is the episode where Danny has to put a suppository up Michelle’s ass because all that garbage she crammed in her pie hole blocked up her shitter? Or the episode where Stephanie goes to gym class with her little triangle tits and all the kids call her jiggly nipples because there was no one to tell her to wear her training bra? These are the things that really happen in families. This show sucks….


    • Peachsiki says:

      HAHAHA! I know, it’s like they touched on Rebecca becoming a substitute maternal figure in the family during the episode where DJ tired to go to school looking like the local strip club’s Monday afternoon lineup but then never even so much as mentioned the feminine basics like training bras and periods, essentially puberty. Though as mentioned in previous posts this one is a world devoid of vaginal mucous, so to expect the writers to touch on anything more problematic than attaining the perfect crimped hair and wearing make up must be asking way too much.


    • JohnMo says:

      OMG, I am crying reading this , and I’ve read it 5 times!


  19. JohnMo says:

    Not sure if this is the beginning of it, but looking at the 2nd to last screen cap reminded me. In the upcoming episodes/seasons, DJ wears some of the HUGEST shirts ever seen on TV. Did girls really wear those huge ass tops so much in the early 90s? Ugh!


  20. alexisofallon says:

    This blog is really harshing my attraction to John Stamos. How could he be in such an atrocious show? I do think tv in general went through a real (what’s the opposite of a renaissance?) around this time. Especially with all the contrived Family “comedies.” Who in work could possible have spent one second with the character of Joey without throwing up in their mouth? I remember my bitter resentment to the way the children, especially Michelle were treated in this show. Even as a child I knew they would be deeply fu@ked if treated this way in real life. This blog is bringing all my suppressed childhood anger to the surface.


    • John Q says:

      The opposite of renaissance would probably be “nadir” or if you want a historical reference, the dark ages.

      I think everybody around this time was trying to cash in on the monster success of family oriented shows like “The Cosby Show” and “Family Ties”.

      NBC owned Thursday nights with their Cosby block so I guess ABC came up with that TGIF so called family programing on Fridays. I think this show was just a rip-off of 3 men and a baby.


  21. BOTR says:

    What’s kind of weird is that he pretty much tells Stephanie that it’s her own fault that Mr. Bear got fucked up because she left him laying around.

    Something that he would not have done if it was Michelle in her place and that it was her bear that was mauled.


    • beautifulsorta says:

      If it had been Michelle instead of Stephanie they would have taken the dog outside and shot him, and then had a parade for Michelle telling her how great she is. After that, we would have a montage of scenes of her ugly face being obnoxious as hell.


  22. Ben says:

    I’ve been going through this awesome blog for about 3 or 4 days straight, and this is the first episode I have absolutely no memory of watching while growing up. Every other episode I’ve remembered at least some moment from in vivid detail, but this one completely escapes me. I don’t know if it’s trauma of Mr. Bear, or what, because I unfortunately happen to remember a lot about this crap show.

    Reading through these recaps, I’ve started coming up with my own twisted theory about this show to make things a little more fun for me. What if the house itself is sentient, and demanded the death of the mother in order to summon the “Uncles” who are much easier to manipulate and the baby is some kind of horrible conduit that the house speaks through. The personalities of everybody that has spent enough time in the house reflect this, in being obnoxious, self-serving assholes. Outsiders like Rebecca and Kimmy seem like pretty normal people by comparison.

    Liked by 1 person

    • DJ Tanner's Diet says:

      Re: forgetting this episode. It’s so odd, I would have bet money that I’d remember every episode, because I know I’ve seen them all (between syndication and my niece having the box set) but I had that weird “what the fuck is this and how much is it going to suck” moment when I started reading the review for Divorce Court. That episode sounds a lot less offensive than others that I remember, so IDK how it dropped out of my conscious memory.


  23. Ashley says:

    ” You’d think maybe he’d want to invest in some obedience training for that dog since it’s been actively fucking up everyone’s shit. Why is the solution just to blame Stephanie instead?”

    It’s funny because I remember this episode and I remember Kimmy suggesting to Danny that they should put Comet in obedience school. Of course since they hate her for no reason, he doesn’t listen.


  24. Jeanne says:

    “Every time someone is forced to reconcile with not getting what they want they are rewarding by getting what they want.”
    I think you just captured the entire premise of the series.
    One thing I will say, and I can’t believe I’m even defending full house, is that in some situations it might be depressing for kids watching if some of the characters didnt get what they want. For example, if Stephanie never got her bear back and they had to throw it away/bury it, or if Michelle never had some sort of birthday party, or bubba was never found, those situations might be a little too sad/intense for a children’s show. Would these be good lessons to show we can’t always get what we want, but life goes on? Of course. But for an afternoon children’s show.. Maybe it just wasn’t worth the risk.


  25. I have to admit Stacey was working that sexy black dress during the pitch, what a woman! *Wolf whistle*


  26. John Q says:

    LOL, it does seem like all these kids ever eat is cookies and chocolate milk etc.

    They never really get too detailed on the whole “meal preparation” situation on this show and there’s 3 adult males and 3 children to feed every day. Just cooking for 2 people can be a huge time consuming pain in the neck.

    John Stamos/Uncle Jessie went into a weird 2-3 year period on this show where he was really into Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. for some unexplained reason. Wasn’t he this big time R&R fan? It always seemed odd to me on a show targeted for pre-teen & teen-age girls and their baby boomer parents to have Uncle Jessie suddenly get into the Rat Pack & Frank and Sammy. It comes across more as a lame-ass parody and makes Jessie even more lame by extension.


  27. JCC says:

    So we’re in the third season here and going by the screencaps I figure we’re in smug, dickhead 1991. I go to Wikipedia and this episode is from glorious 1989! En Vogue hadn’t even released their first album yet. This show was just Innately Awful 90’s.


  28. DJ Tanner's Diet says:

    “Danny tells Michelle to stop blowing bubbles into her chocolate milk. She diverts each of his assertions with the question of “why?” until he finally concedes that it’s ok after all, going so far as to blow bubbles into his own chocolate milk to support her. Yeah, that’s right, just go ahead and let that asshole baby do whatever she wants.”

    Last episode, I quoted a passage that summed up everything that’s wrong with Danny and Joey. This is that moment for Michelle. Doing something messy and pointless, almost being reined by an adult, and then flipping the script so far as to have the adult not only condone her actions, but join in!


    • Mr Malatesticle says:

      At least Michelle has the sense to drink half her milk before blowing bubbles in it. Danny is clearly so retarded that he doesn’t grasp this simple concept and blows his milk all over the table. BTW just revolted myself by using the phrase “blows his milk” in relation to Danny.


  29. DJ Tanner's Diet says:

    Also, Full House runs 4-6 episodes several nights a week on Nickelodeon and this episode gets played SO FUCKING MUCH. As if I hadn’t already hated it for the retarded premise of Joey having a hot girlfriend, I hate it so much more now.


  30. Martin Tanner's Ghost says:

    Wow, I read ” In the aftermath of Jesse’s sissy tantrum,” as “In the afterbirth.” I guess that would also be fitting, since it’s Full House and all.


  31. infinitejenny says:

    Discovered this blog way too late but have been avidly reading since. I’m sure you’re done with the comments on this blog but I promise when I finish reading I’m ordering a shirt. Haha. Your blog reminds me why I related to this show when I was in elementary school. It’s no different than the plotlines I developed when I played house with dolls. When two dolls spoke to each other the others could only stand there and stare because well I only had two hands to hold them and make them move.


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