Season 3, Episode 21, “Just Say No Way”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle makes Joey a sandwich for lunch and he is unsettled to discover that it is filled with disgusting ingredients.

As the family enjoys milk and cookies together in the kitchen, Joey gifts Michelle with a Raffi recording of “Baby Beluga.”  Danny and Stephanie add to the entertainment by singing and dancing along to the music, and Joey joins them by spitting all over the kitchen.

Seriously, why’s Joey always spitting all over the place?  I hate it.  This is not an isolated incident.  I can think of at least one previous Joey-Spitting-out-water routine that I’ve bitched about, plus he did that Sylvester impression a few episodes ago where he kept spitting in Jesse’s face.  Why does this man work so hard to be obnoxious?  Is there anything left for him to do to make me hate him?  I guess he could start shitting his pants all the time and walking around with shitty pants, but actually I wouldn’t be surprised if he isn’t already.  I mean, really, would anyone in the full house even react if he did?

DJ and Kimmie Gibbler come home in a tizzy because they’re planning a dance at school.  The Dads ask DJ if she’s done her homework and she says she’s almost done with it, but when they ask to see it she admits that she hasn’t started it yet.  It may sound like a menial detail, and it happens very quickly on the show, but the astute observer will note careful story building at work.

Up in DJ’s room, she and Kimmie Gibbler book a high school band called Dog Face to play at their dance.  They then try to scrounge up some hot dick for after the after party and Kimmie Gibbler suggests that DJ call up Kevin, that awkward kid she made out with at her birthday party a few episodes ago.  As always, DJ has zero game whatsoever and is too plagued with self-doubt to do anything so Stephanie calls Kevin and asks for her.

A week goes by, as indicated by Stephanie, who bellyaches about having to listen to that fucking Baby Beluga song all week.  DJ gets all dressed up for the dance and when the doorbell rings she perfectly positions herself to give Kevin a rock hard boner the second he opens the door and takes in this perfect view of her.  The only problem is, she forgets that Joey’s sitting behind her.


Anyway it turns out to actually be Kimmie Gibbler at the door so it doesn’t even matter.  There’s a pretty hilarious moment where she sees that Danny is recording everything with a video camera and immediately starts singing “The Right Stuff,” with dance moves and everything.  Anyway, Kimmie Gibbler tells DJ that Dog Face broke up so now there won’t be any jams to grind to on the dance flo.  DJ bugs Jesse until he agrees to play at the dance with a back-up band that DJ promises to arrange.  While all this is going on Kevin shows up but nobody even really gives a shit.

At the dance, DJ and Kimmie Gibbler shoot the shit with Kathy Santoni, who’s got 3 dates.  I like how any time they need some other kid for DJ and Kimmie Gibbler to interact with they bring back Kathy Santoni.  She’s like one of the only other consistent people outside of the Tanners in the Full House universe, and her whole character is that she’s got big titties and all the boys at the junior high are on her jammy.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the dance floor, Kevin is greeted by the two most ridiculous children I have ever seen.  Based on the way that they swagger onscreen and their rebellious attire, I can only assume that they’re hooligans.  They tell Kevin to loosen up and invite him away from the set for something that is sure to be naughty.

Jesse’s backup band arrives in the form of the school marching band.  Jesse gets pretty pissed and tries to back out of the performance but DJ manages to guilt him into going through with it.  So, what?  DJ saves the dance by getting Jesse to perform his classic rock with the school marching band?  Nope.  All the kids totally hate it.  It seems like having no performance at all would have been better than this.  At least it goes on for a really long time.

DJ goes to find Kevin and catches him drinking beer with those naughty boys!  DJ acts exactly as square and disapproving as you’d expect her to and then the kid with the mullet sprays her with beer.

Kevin goes to get DJ some towels while DJ proceeds to give those naughty boys a stern talking to.  She decides to show them how stupid they look by grabbing the beer from them and repeating what they said earlier when they were trying to persuade her to drink beer and, wouldn’t you know it?  Uncle Jesse happens to be standing behind her at this precise moment and since the naughty boys see him first they act like she’s really offering them beer and run away.  Jesse immediately reaches the conclusion that DJ is a beer swilling menace and will hear no reasoning that says otherwise.

Michelle wears out her Baby Beluga tape and everyone makes a half-hearted attempt to act like they’re not happy about it.  The baby then protests until Danny, Joey and Stephanie are all forced to sing and perform their Baby Beluga routine.  And that is how the Baby Beluga subplot ends.

DJ and Jesse come home and shout their differing views of events at Danny and Joey.  Joey actually tries to act all cool and understanding about it, which is kinda weird, and Jesse stresses the point that if she was lying about doing her homework and getting him a halfway decent back-up band, then surely she must be lying about this as well.  You see there how paying attention to the story pays off?  Danny has trouble knowing what to believe and DJ goes up to her room, feeling persecuted.

Up in her room, DJ has a dramatic crying scene, not dissimilar to the one Stephanie had in the previous episode.  What’s up with that?  Are these kids trying to win an Emmy?  Anyway, DJ tells Stephanie that nobody believes her and there’s a really touching moment where Stephanie tells DJ that she believes her even though she doesn’t even know what she’s talking about and there’s hugging and crying at the same time.  It really made my asshole clench because it was so moving.

Down in the kitchen the Dads wonder how they could be such shitty Dads that they’d have a kid who would drink a beer one time.  There’s a bunch of heavy handed dialogue about how drinking is glamorized in the media and that kids are getting the wrong message and Danny stresses the point that he wants to find the best way to help DJ.  What the fuck?  Stephanie interrupts their pity party to tell them that she’s sure that DJ is innocent and that DJ snuck out of the house and got a ride back to the dance from Kimmie Gibbler’s Mom in attempt to clear her good name.

When DJ arrives at the dance she’s greeted by Kimmie Gibbler, who tells her that Kevin and those naughty boys got busted and are in big ass trouble.  DJ finds Kevin and tells him that he has to clear up what happened and that drinking is bad and don’t do drugs and stay in school.  As he’s leaving, Kevin sees Danny and Jesse coming into the school and confirms DJ’s innocence, which leaves them feeling like a couple of dickheads.  Jesse finds DJ and apologizes for not believing her and then they have a really lengthy exchange where they talk yet again about how awful drinking is.  The music comes on and Jesse tells DJ that he hopes that she’ll never get laid or drink a beer or grow up in any way and then they hug.

What a heavy-handed story!  The thing that really made it completely pointless is that DJ never at any point expressed anything other than a complete intolerance towards drinking, so there’s not even a lesson to be learned from any of this.  The closest thing I could find was, “don’t ironically mock people’s behavior when they’re doing something they shouldn’t be because someone else might see you and think that you’re doing what you’re mocking those people for doing.” Wait, what?  I need a drink!

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59 Responses to Season 3, Episode 21, “Just Say No Way”

  1. Teebore says:

    Michelle makes Joey a sandwich for lunch and he is unsettled to discover that it is filled with disgusting ingredients.

    What moron eats a sandwich made by a baby? Serves him right…

    Joey gifts Michelle with a Raffi recording of “Baby Beluga.”

    Oh god, it’s the “Baby Beluga” episode!

    DJ gets all dressed up for the dance and when the doorbell rings she perfectly positions herself to give Kevin a rock hard boner the second he opens the door and takes in this perfect view of her.

    Hopefully parachute pants do it for him.

    her whole character is that she’s got big titties and all the boys at the junior high are on her jammy.

    Kathy Santoni might be my favorite character at this point.

    Jesse’s backup band arrives in the form of the school marching band.

    Yet everyone looks like they’re in their forties…

    DJ goes to find Kevin and catches him drinking beer with those naughty boys!

    Oh god, it’s the “don’t drink booze” episode!

    DJ acts exactly as square and disapproving as you’d expect her to and then the kid with the mullet sprays her with beer.

    That seems like a waste of perfectly good beer, especially for kids for whom acquiring said beer is probably a hassle.

    “don’t ironically mock people’s behavior when they’re doing something they shouldn’t be because someone else might see you and think that you’re doing what you’re mocking those people for doing.”

    Especially if you’re in a sitcom.

    Is this the first big, heavy-handed “moral” episode we’ve gotten (on the level of “don’t do drugs/smoking/teen pregnancy/etc.)? Seems like it, but I could easily be purging my memory of some earlier episode.


  2. DrBitz says:

    This episode features two sitcom cliches in one! First, we get the “don’t drink booze/do drugs” episode. Beyond that, we get the scenario where a character has some ham-fisted dialogue specially designed so that another character can overhear it at just the right moment to completely misinterpret what is going on.

    There are a ton of sitcom cliches, I’m starting to wonder if Full House hits them all?


  3. billysuperstar says:

    yeah, it’s really a show wrought with cliches. i wonder if they had a handbook of them that they picked from or something? as far as pointing out how this is such a heavy handed, moralistic episode that it may deserve some special categorization, i actually put some thought into that. a friend and i were talking about labeling it as a “very special episode” but then the qualifier for that became so unclear. sure, this one’s a little more topical than most episodes, but as far as things hitting a more serious tone and getting all preachy, that seems to be happening in at least a third of the episodes lately. so was the one where Stephanie goes to therapy a “very special episode”? Or what about the previous episode, where Stephanie drove the car into the house? The ending was very somber, but was it “very special”? Eventually I gave up.


  4. psychic_hits says:

    Remember Blossom? That thing’s entire raison d’etre was Very Special Episodes. Makes Full House look like, um, I dunno….. ALF.

    Also, I can’t believe I jut used the term “raison d’etre” in discussing Full House.


  5. kw says:

    this is one of those episodes that I VIVIDLY remember. oh man, baby beluga. kevin and the beer, and the ironically repeating the dumb incriminating phrase you just used in order to show how stupid you are. oh man.


  6. The Complexities of Full House says:

    Even when I was a little kid and thought this show was all that was good and holy the Baby Beluga thing made me want to pop my eardrums with a shrimp fork.


  7. Megan says:

    Alert the church elders! Send that crazy beeyotch to AA!


  8. Ah, Dog Face. In the halcyon days of horrible junior high bands, before Human Pudding.


  9. Jeff says:

    I don’t care what anyone thinks, I was born in 87 and growing up Raffi was the fucking man. Baby Beluga was the shit, along with 5 little frogs, and mother fucking Evergreen Everblue!


  10. SpideyTerry says:

    I’ll never forget my first beer. It was after watching this episode for the first time.

    And I didn’t so much mind Baby Beluga, but really – are you gonna tell me you’re gonna have adults do that silly dance in an episode where they condemn drinking twenty minutes later? No way that scene was performed sober. C’mon!

    I also object to the notion that a kid like DJ would immediately be disbelieved without a second thought. That’s right, kids, you’re family will immediately suspect the worst of you and condemn you no matter how squeaky, infuriatingly clean your record has been.


  11. Lisa says:

    Does DJ really think that the best way to clear her name is to do more things that would get her in trouble (i.e. sneaking out of the house)? If Danny and Jesse hadn’t randomly run into Kevin, what was going to be DJ’s Plan B?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Patrick Jackson says:

      For that matter, does Stephanie really think that the best way to clear DJ’s name is by Aiding and Abetting (i.e. waiting several minutes before telling the guys she sneaked out of the house)? Moreover, do Danny and Jesse really trust Kevin further than they trust DJ (not even considering the possibility that he’s lying to protect her)? Not scary or anything.


  12. Santanaonfire says:

    “It really made my asshole clench because it was so moving.”


    “There’s a bunch of heavy handed dialogue about how drinking is glamorized in the media and that kids are getting the wrong message”

    In a few moments I’m going out to get my weekend whiskey. Maybe I’ll broadcast me drinking it on my Youtube channel so all the kids can see how fun it is!

    If I’ve seen Kathy Santoni so clearly in a screen cap before, I don’t recall. However, her hair is much frizzier than I would have expected. Its probably just part of the style of the era, but for they way all the kids want her “jammy” (BTW, love that term, Billy) I really would have though she was more attractive than she is, IMO.


  13. kp199 says:

    OMG that dress on Kathy Santoni: WOOF!


  14. kp199 says:

    Why didn’t they just smell DJ’s breath? You can’t hide that shit. But of course, what would this show be if the morons didn’t jump to conclusions?


  15. michmich says:

    No wonder Kathy Santoni scored three hot dates, what with that sweet denim dress and all


  16. flower says:

    Quit swearing so much!!


  17. Bender says:

    Was there a tampon in that sandwich?


  18. Sarah Portland says:

    Vividly remember this episode, with DJ’s mockery of the naughty boys, and her getting blamed for drinking. Also vividly recall that Kirk Cameron did a “very special episode”, wherein he actually preached as himself after the show ended, talking straight to the camera. It makes me wonder if he coached Candace on this.


    • Pivitor says:

      Was that the Growing Pains episode where Carol’s boyfriend, played by Matthew Perry pre-Friends, died in a drunk driving accident?

      Add Growing Pains to the list of shows I loved as a child and suddenly realized were awful as an adult (Full House is at the top of the list of course)


      • lugnut says:

        I think Sarah was probably referring to an earlier episode where Mike and Boner wind up at an awesome ’80s coke party, but leave before doing any even though some totally bitchin’ chicks want them to. At the end it cuts back to the party scene and the whole party stops and turns at the camera while Kirk delivers his drugs aren’t cool speech.


  19. Stephen says:

    “Seriously, why’s Joey always spitting all over the place?”

    because he’s acting like a whale? A beluga is a whale. just saying. lol.


  20. Robbie says:

    For a better version of this same story in an 80s lightweight sitcom, check out Punky Brewster — the Just Say No episode.

    It actually deals with the issue at hand instead of just sidestepping it the way this episode does by having DJ get roped into a teenage drinking story despite being completely innocent and downright sanctimonious about it. In the PB version, eight year old Punky Brewster and her friend Cherri are offered some pills, weed, and crack cocaine by some older, cooler girls they look up to. Unlike the Full House version, the situation is portrayed both more realistically and has a real point and message. The girls are actually tempted by the offer and unlike in FH, they seek the advice of a non judgmental adult in a proactive fashion, instead of trying to hide it from every adult after the fact as they do here. The big difference is that in PB the characters resolve the situation by mediating between their desires and their value systems — the FH kids have no real desires to speak of, so there is never anything at stake for them.


  21. e_x_i_t says:

    I’m surprised they didn’t accuse Stephanie of drinking after she hugged a beer drenched DJ after their heart to heart. I mean with their logic, she smells like alcohol, so obviously she has a drinking problem and has a stash hidden inside Mr. Bear. I mean it makes sense really, they orchestrated the whole “Mr Bear got fucked up by Comet” incident, so DJ could turn him into Stephanie’s secret drugs and alcohol spot.

    Speaking of DJ, why the fuck didn’t she change her clothes? I’ve had plenty of beer and alcohol spilled one over the years and the first thing I always did was try to get the fuck out of the beer reeked clothing. I wonder what impression she left with Kimmy Gibblers Mom when she snuck out and asked her for a ride back to the dance, but she must have been one of those party Moms, since the first thing any normal parent would do is call the parent of the beer stenched child and inform them of the situation.

    After writing that, I think I’ve been reading too much of this blog at once.


  22. astrowaffle says:

    omg the baby beluga episode! I was the same age as stephanie but for some reason that year my grandma decided to buy me a raffi tape for christmas, I was so disappointed cause what I wanted was milli vanilli.

    This blog is fucking excellent by the way, I found it a few days ago and have been devouring all the old reviews.


  23. crea014 says:

    This is surely the first time sex is mentioned on FH? Pretty awkward when Uncle Jesse brought it up with DJ at the end there


  24. Kenny says:

    Rolls eyes goddamnit another fucking VERY SPECIAL EPISODE ABC was overrun with these back in the mid 80’s and early 90’s.

    I got to say I love Kimmy she fucking rocked this shitty show.

    It was always hilarious how her facial expressions could always make you laugh your mofo ass off especially the parts where she was picked up and dragged out or picked up and taken out her facial expressions were always priceless.


  25. Kenny says:

    It really made my asshole clench because it was so moving.

    This show was always great for a bowel movement. 😛


  26. Megan says:

    DJ was telling the truth i mean those guys were jerks its good her Uncle believed her later on when she went back to the dance.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. amanda says:

    gibler is wearing the same outfit as she wore to dj’s 13th birthday party


  28. flower says:

    Didn’t your mother tell you not to use curse words? Maybe you should take her advice…


    • Tee says:

      Flower maybe you don’t realize it but not everyone’s parents told them not to curse, some have parents that curse who don’t have an issue with their kids doing it also. It may be unpleasant to you but some people don’t mind it, everyone is different. Instead of demanding that everyone who posts on this blog not curse, I think you’ll be much happier and a lot less frustrated if you stop trying to impose your values on others and just worry about yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Ashley says:

      You’re commenting on every comment or post about swear words. Get over it. He is an adult.


  29. Laura says:

    Didn’t DJ’s mother die in a drunk driving accident? You’d think that when discussing drinking that that incident would come up at least once.


    • Lisa says:

      Oh, I think it does, in a later episode where Kimmy gets drunk at some frat party or something like that. Although I kind of like the innocence of this show where drinking one beer is a really big deal, I admit I thought the college party episode was totally ridonkulous in terms of its cheesy portrayal of what it THOUGHT college parties were like. I knew it was absurd and I hadn’t even gotten to college yet.

      Liked by 1 person

  30. Mekii says:

    A Full House VSE AND the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie on the same day?! The older generation was spoiled!

    But seriously, I don’t know what to say about this episode. I usually take your posts with a grain of salt because analyzing a show like Full House will just give you headaches, but this episode was done wrong. I understand Jesse not trusting D.J. due to her lying about that other stuff, but come on now! Anybody with a working brain could see that D.J. was trying to make those boys look stupid for drinking. And what made Jesse think D.J. was interested in drinking? This is what happens when you grow up in a clean-cut white family in the 20th century.

    I really don’t like it when shows say “all drinking is bad, don’t do drugs because you’re a criminal if you do.” That makes them come off as campy, cliched, and misinformed. I’m straight-edge. I’m not now, nor will I ever, take a drink or smoke a joint. But I’m not going to persecute you if you drink in moderation or take some weed to mellow out. It’s your choice just like it was mine.

    In the fifth season of Who’s the Boss? (another ABC show), they aired one of my favorite episodes from the show, “Boozin’ Buddies.” In an attempt to fit in with the older kids at a party, Sam drinks and has way too many. Tony is naturally upset, not just because Sam drank illegally, but irresponsibly. You would think that they take the predictable route, right? Nope. Sam points out that Tony drinks but he says he’s a responsible adult. Feeling hypocritical, Tony convinces his beer-loving friends to watch their boxing match without beer. Eventually, his friends can’t take it and drink. Tony absentmindedly takes a beer and Sam catches him. It leads to a great conversation: Tony tells Sam that he was wrong to persecute her for drinking when he can’t keep himself from beer either. He lets her know not to give into peer pressure. If she drinks, it’ll be because she wants to. Drink responsibly. And if she’s going to drink, don’t drive. I thought this was very well-done. If you’re going to do a VSE about drinking, look at what Who’s the Boss? does. They pointed out that Tony drank as well, peer pressure, and that Sam should drink because she wants to, not because she was told to. Instead of simply telling you that even if you’re not an alcoholic, drinking is poisonous and you’ll die so don’t do it. Then again, Full House and Who’s the Boss? aren’t very comparable.


    • Odotry says:

      There was also an episode of Boy Meets World where Cory and Shawn were caught drunk and were rightfully scolded. Cory pointed out that his dad gets to drink, to which he lets him know that he’s of legal drinking age to do so.

      At least there, the parents come off as actual human beings and not nuns brought up in the safest place in the Vatican. Plus Cory and Shawn were actually drinking, so there was an actual dilemma.


  31. Ashley says:

    Even if DJ had been drinking, I still find it an overreaction. They’re going on about how they need to get her help and everything. If a kid like DJ is drinking, she is likely just experimenting with the beer just to see what it’s like. Yes, she should be punished and talked to about it. But it’s not at the level where she needs help. It’s not like she is an alcoholic or a drug addict at 13. She isn’t even smoking. This family takes things to the extremes sometimes.


    • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

      Do you want a thirteen year old drinking? I would be getting my kid help if I caught my kid with a beer without my permission. I don’t blame the fathers for this.


      • Ashley says:

        Of course I don’t. You just twisted what I said into something you wanted. I never once said: “I want a thirteen-year-old to drink! That’s such an awesome thing!” Thirteen-year-olds shouldn’t be drinking, but they do experiment. You’ve obviously been sheltered if you think otherwise. When they do that; you talk to them about why it’s wrong. They don’t need professional help though. That would mean most teenagers should be in therapy then since a lot of them try it out to see what it’s like. I love when people latch onto one thing in a comment. It’s like they want to get offended by something that isn’t even there.

        Liked by 2 people

  32. Odotry says:

    Any moron can tell if someone is drinking by smelling their breathe. Hey Danny, parenting requires having some common freakin’ sense!


  33. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    It’s always funny (not funny HA-HA) how they (the people in charge) never bring up Pam’s death in the vein that it was a drunken driving accident. It’s almost never talked about. Which is very disturbing for this type of family considering that an accident where a six-time convicted drunk driver can hit Pam as she’s out buying some baby formula for the lil’ orangutan, and the next, she’s hit, she and the drunk exchange info before driving off and dragging Pam to her grizzly death. Yup, this is a family that needs some serious help.


  34. Liz says:

    Maybe it was just me but Danny and Jesse overreacted about DJ having a beer, I mean wouldn’t you have questioned those other boys and said what really happened? Maybe they would have lied but still I think Jesse overeacted


    • ANoelle says:

      I don’t blame him, but it’s a time like this where the incident responsible for their mother’s death would’ve been beneficial to the motivations of the characters.


  35. Needles1987 says:

    Kathy Santoni’s dress is a nightmare.


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