Just like I did last Season Review, I’d like to start Season 3 Reviewed with mad shout-outs. I can’t thank all you weirdos enough for reading this ridiculous blog. Every week, your loving comments enable me to carry on with this masochistic compulsion. I hope you guys are prepared for 5 more seasons of this shit because this would be a pretty embarrassing hobby if it didn’t have an audience…
A big ass thank you goes out to Teebore of the Gentlemen of Leisure Blog, who leaves me a long gratifying comment every week that is a lot of the reason why this thing’s always done on time. All you guys should check out Teebore’s X-Amining the X-Men series on his blog, which is an overview of old X-men comics, so it’s kind of like this blog except it’s written with reverence instead of vile hatred. Most of you probably don’t know this (because it’s not that interesting) but Full House Reviewed was born out of a comics blog called Giant Size Man-Thing that went on for a year or so until my old blog writing partner got sick of it and I had the revelation that shitting all over Full House is a lot more fun than shitting all over Marvel Comics.
I would also like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to Brandon Rowland, who won our Season 2 contest and never got his shirt. I swear that you will get your shirt, Brandon Rowland! I only know one guy who can print up some shirts and he’s been giving me the runaround all this time… does anyone wanna collaborate on getting some FHR shirts made?
This brings me to something I’ve wanted to put out there for a while, which is that if you guys have any comments or suggestions or would like to help me make a shirt, I set up an e-mail just for this blog at:
So feel free to drop me a line!
So I think that’s enough ass-kissing and cross-promotion for this Season, now let’s get to the harsh criticism!
It’s hard to know what to say about Season 3 that hasn’t been said about Season’s 1 and 2, mostly because in Season 3 NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED! My assumption, without bothering to do any research, is that by this point the show had become a hit, so the creators decided that whatever they were doing was working and they’d better not tamper with it at all. I propose that we hereby refer to Season 3 as, “The Treading Water Season.” As shallow and uninspired as the character arcs were in previous seasons, I defy any one of you to find anything remotely resembling character development in any one of these 24 wayward “narratives.” Other than the inevitable, built-in feature of the kids aging in real-time, everyone exists as cardboard cut-outs of themselves. Danny is an obsessive compulsive cleaner and he sucks at his morning show job, Jesse is an ex-rebel with greasy hair, Joey is a gigantic parasite who does annoying impressions, DJ is boring, Stephanie gets all up in everyone’s face all the time, and the baby is trained to look offstage and repeat phrases that are spoken at her. As far as supporting cast members go, Kimmie Gibbler is an indie rocker who’s trapped in a Twilight Zone-esque world of cornball assholes and Rebecca Donaldson is equally unfit for the Full House universe because she’s sensible and actually somewhat likeable, plus she’s got a hot ass. And that’s it. Aint nuthin else goin on on Full House.
None of the relationships between the characters are developed or changed or explored in any way, either. Even Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson, who got together last season, merely continue the exact same dynamic we’d already seen too many times last season. Jesse and Joey’s dynamic remains unchanged as they continue on with their jingle writing partnership. Besides some moments of tension that came out of a few bland scenarios that were slight variations on virtually the exact same episodes we saw last season, there partnership was pretty unremarkable. As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, we really didn’t see much of their jingle writing career at all for pretty much the last half of the season, and I’m starting to wonder if they’ll just start some new job without ever mentioning it again. I guess that’ll give me something to think about while I trudge through Season 4…
So I guess the question, as always, is, “was this the worst season so far?” The answer is a resounding “fuck yes!” Although the season delivered no plot points or character developments to speak of, the show itself developed a smug sense of self-satisfaction that really upped the intensity of how fucking obnoxious and offensive this show is. There was also an increase in “very special episodes,” some of which were pretty darn preachy, especially the one where DJ gets in trouble for knowing some kids who drank beer.
So, in conclusion, this season sucked. The worst part about is that I’m pretty sure it’s merely a bridge between the shitty episodes we already saw and the even more abrasive, phoned-in and filthy with catch-phrase horror reels that are coming up. Watching this season was like being submerged underwater before being set on fire.
One last thing before I sign off on Season 3 is that I’ve been thinking about maybe moving this wordpress blog over to a website and maybe doing some more stuff with it. Would it ruin it if I tried to run some ads? I seem to have a pretty big audience and so far I haven’t made a dollar off this blog so I’ve been wanting to look into ways to maybe change that. Again, if anyone has suggestions or wants to get in cahoots, drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thanks, as always, for tuning in! See you next Friday with the premier of Season 4!