Season 4, Episode 5, “Good News, Bad News”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Joey teaches Michelle how to tell knock-knock jokes and then she tells one to Danny. AWW!!!!!!!!

DJ refuses to play with Michelle because she’s hella busy with her new job as the editor of the school newspaper.  Stephanie enters the room and Michelle decides to bug the shit out of her by repeating everything she says.  Naturally, this is a big hit with the live studio audience, who get all yucked up every time Michelle says anything.

Now that I’ve had to watch all 3 stupid Tanner sister act like idiots for a few minutes, I am rewarded by the onscreen presence of the one and only Kimmie Gibbler.  Kimmie Gibbler decides to use her new foot in the door to bum a job on the school newspaper but DJ tells her that the only one that’s not taken is sports editor.  Kimmie Gibbler says she wants the job but is forced to make sad puppy dog faces before DJ is convinced to give it to her.  Ugh…  I know that I’ve developed this unwavering dedication to Kimmie Gibbler since she’s the only rad character on this show, but this scene…  that puppy dog face…  I don’t know…

Now that they’ve convinced Danny to move all of his stored memorabilia out of the attic so they could use it as their new studio space, the uncles waste all their time up there waiting for the phone to ring and messing around with the dog.  Rebecca Donaldson comes up with Danny who, instead of asking these guys why they’re draining all of his resources while contributing nothing in return, tells them that he got them the job as the directors of the new promo ad for Wake Up, San Francisco.  Let that be a lesson to all of you hard workers out there:  put all of your efforts into meeting famous people and mooching off of them.

As they begin to plan the promo, it comes to light that Rebecca Donaldson is pretty sick of Danny being the headliner of the show because he’s completely incompetent and the majority of their viewers tune in exclusively to stare at her hot ass.  You go, girl!

Meanwhile, down at school newspaper headquarters, DJ gets the school lunch report from Bitterman.  Hey, it’s Bitterman!  Remember him?  He was that kid with the really shitty haircut who got it on with Kimmie Gibbler at DJ’s birthday party last season.  I sure never thought I’d see that guy again…  Anyway, I guess he and Kimmie Gibbler had a pretty messy break-up, because he immediately starts trying to convince DJ to fire her as sports editor and hire him instead.

Just then, Kimmie Gibbler comes in with her sports article, an interview with the equipment manager of the basketball team that’s all about why Kimmie Gibbler wants to bang him.  DJ says the article is a big piece of shit and needs to be rewritten and Kimmie Gibbler’s like, go fuck yourself, at which point Bitterman’s claims of unfair hiring practice are validated and DJ looks like an asshole in front of her new staff.  DJ tries to save face by telling Kimmie Gibbler that she’s shitcanned if she doesn’t rewrite the article and Kimmie Gibbler says that they are no longer friends and storms out.

I like the parallel that’s being worked into this episode, with both plots seeming to follow the theme of facing the consequences of hiring your idiot friends.  Usually this show’s structure isn’t that thought out.  I wonder how the uncles will inevitably fuck up the Wake Up, San Francisco promo…

Michelle continues to plague Stephanie by repeating everything she says.  DJ comes home and declares that she’s never speaking with Kimmie Gibbler ever again and Stephanie’s like, “fuck yeah” and then Michelle’s like, “fuck yeah.”

Kimmie Gibbler comes over to taunt DJ with her new paper, The Gibbler Gazette, which is all about what an asshole DJ is.  Oh, man, I would totally subscribe to that newspaper!  Can you imagine a weekly article about how stupid and lame the members of the full house are?  Man, that would be amazing…

How many scenes on this show are there going to be where something is being filmed and it goes really poorly?  I don’t even want to talk about it anymore, but, guess what?  Danny and Rebecca Donaldson get into a big argument while the commercial is being filmed and the uncles have absolutely none of the skills required to handle the situation.  Also, it goes on for like, forever.

DJ works on the school paper in the dining room while all the subplots of the episode orbit around her.  Stephanie continues to be tormented by Michelle repeating everything she says (this has been going on for DAYS now), and the uncles come home to report that the commercial went well despite the large numbers of takes that were necessary because Danny and Rebecca Donaldson were acting like assholes.  Wait, what?  So I was just projecting when I said that I liked the parallel lesson about don’t hire your shitty friends?  That’s not what this episode is about at all?  Apparently the uncles being terrible at their job has no effect on the storyline…  That’s what I get for ever trying to read anything into this show.  Man, just forget it.

So what’s this episode even about?  Well, Danny and Rebecca Donaldson enter the full house and continue arguing, because I guess they’ve just been arguing in close proximity to each other for hours now, like we saw them arguing on the set, then I guess they got in the car and argued with each other the whole time they drove back to the full house, then they walked up to the back entrance and opened the door and were still arguing.  The only thing that can make them stop arguing is when DJ tells everyone that she’s writing a lengthy editorial for the paper about what a shitty jerk Kimmie Gibbler is.  Everyone gets all concerned and says that she and Kimmie Gibbler have always been homies so they shouldn’t be such assholes to each other, which reminds Danny and Rebecca Donaldson that they shouldn’t be assholes to each other, either.  So I guess this episode is about forgiveness?  Or putting up with your shitty friends?  I don’t know, and why would I even care at this point?  But I like how no one ever mentions that it’s totally wrong to use your editorial power to publish a bunch of shitty stuff about someone just because you’re mad at them.  I guess no one in the full house has any respect for editorial integrity whatsoever, or morning show integrity, or directorial integrity, or just any kind of integrity at all.

So, wait, this shit’s not even over yet?  I know, I kind of thought it was, too.  Kimmie Gibbler comes over to give DJ all her shit back, plus she wants all her shit back that DJ has, too.  The items returned include:  A Bannanarame tape, a fanny pack, legwarmers, pineapple lip gloss, and an Eric Estrada CHiPs action figure, and it’s hard not to make some lame joke about these being hot items for Williamsburg hipsters, or Portland hipsters, or just any kind of hipsters.  So, yeah, Kimmie Gibbler and DJ’s stuff is the same kind of shit that hipsters like.  There, that’s the joke.

So all of these items stir up warm memories, and so DJ and Kimmie Gibbler settle their differences and have a hug.  Kimmie Gibbler is given a new job as the author of the school gossip column and Stephanie is hella pissed that their friendship has been salvaged.  Stephanie then gets Michelle to copy everything that Kimmie Gibbler says instead of her and that’s it.

So I hope you all learned a valuable lesson about forgiveness.  Never mind that Rebecca Donaldson really does deserve equal billing on Wake Up, San Francisco, and never mind that Kimmie Gibbler totally deserved to be fired from the school paper.  Forgive your friends, and give them hugs.