Season 4, Episode 15, “Ol’ Brown Eyes”

The title of this episode comes from the special name the dads have for when they rub their anuses together.

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle interrupts Joey and Danny’s card game by showing them that she can skip.  The three of them skip around like a bunch of overpaid actors until Jesse shows up and tells Michelle that it’s cooler to strut.

Stephanie hides Michelle’s doll and tries to play the hot and cold game so she can find it but all Michelle gives a shit about are cookies.

Jesse gives Rebecca Donaldson’s wedding ring to Joey and asks him to have it engraved with the inscription, “love me tender.”  Rebecca Donaldson shows up and has to work real hard to convince Jesse not to wear a leather tuxedo with a cobra on the back of it at their wedding.  Have I mentioned enough time’s that I’m completely mystified about why Rebecca Donaldson would ever marry Jesse?  He must be a hypnotist or have a solid gold penis or something.  Although he’s never shown any characteristics outside of a love for shitty rock ‘n’ roll, Elvis and fried chicken, he’s gotta be hiding some kind of amazing secret.  Either that or Rebecca Donaldson just hates herself.

DJ comes home and tells everyone how excited she is about the school newspaper fund-raiser that she’s gonna have at the Smash Club.  Oh, man, remember the Smash Club?  We haven’t seen that place in like 2 Seasons.  Well, I guess we can continue to assume that it’s the lamest club in the universe, because not only do they let Jesse’s shitty band play there, they also host parties for junior high school newspapers.

Apparently the uncle’s are the planned entertainment for the fund-raiser.  Joey prepares by demonstrating some of his new jokes, which are a bunch of lame observations about cartoons with shitty impressions mixed in.  Does Joey ever tell any jokes that aren’t about cartoon characters?  What a waste of human life.  Anyway, after talking to the uncles, DJ confers with Danny about his role as MC and makes a big deal about how he’s lame and should take up as little stage time as possible.  It’s really great to see DJ grow up and finally realize that her Dad’s a big lame piece of shit. Anyway, after DJ leaves, Danny decides to impress DJ by performing a song with Jesse’s band.  That’s right, motherfuckers, Danny’s gearing up for one of the all-time worst moments in the series’ history!  Hold on to your asses!

Michelle enters the scene and asks if anyone will play hot and cold with her and everyone saunters off.  After being left alone in the living room, she finds Rebecca Donaldson’s wedding ring and decides to hide it.  Man, that’s what those fuckers get for letting that child walk around unsupervised all the damn time.

Joey wanders into Stephanie’s room with shit in his pants because he cant find the wedding ring.  Stephanie offers him no help at all, and instead takes great pleasure in preying on Joey’s anxiety.  Reveling in the misery of others has been a really predominant character trait for Stephanie lately.  It’s like, now that she’s not cute anymore, the shows creators were like, “let’s just made her a sadistic asshole.”

Anyway, Michelle comes in and reveals that she hid the ring, then she forces Joey to look for it by playing the hot and cold game.

Jesse gets ready to practice with his band for the school newspaper fund-raiser.  For some reason, every time we see Jesse’s band it has a completely different set of members.  I don’t think I’ve seen a recurring band member, ever.  Was it cheaper to always hire new extras or something?  Anyway, there’s no time to dwell on that because Danny comes out dressed in leather and tells Jesse that he wants to sing, “My Generation,” by The Who.

Danny gets a big laugh from the audience by saying that he’s going to, “bust a move,” which really dates this episode.  I guess that was the hot new phrase of the day, or at least it was until someone said it on Full House.

Danny’s performance is stilted, awkward, and totally painful to watch.  It’s a classic embarrassing-to-look-at-or-even-think-about Full House moment.  I think it’s actually supposed to be painful to watch because DJ comes in halfway through with Kimmie Gibbler and they’re both totally horrified.  DJ tells Danny that he’d better not do that shit at her school event or her life will be ruined and then she storms off to her room and gentle music plays as the camera pans in on Danny’s stupid face looking sad.

After the commercial break, Danny reminisces with Jesse about how embarrassing his own Dad was.  Danny has the shocking revelation that he’s an embarrassing nerd and decides that he shouldn’t perform at DJ’s thing.  I am totally amazed that someone on this show actually felt self-conscious for once and showed some fucking humility.  It wasn’t worth sitting through that performance to see it happen, but at least it’s something.

Danny goes up to DJ’s room and tells her that he’s not gonna sing at her party.  He goes on to explain that he only wanted to do it to prove to her that he was hip and cool, but now he’s realized that he isn’t.  What a great scene!   The best part about it is that DJ doesn’t reassure him at all, she’s just like, “thanks for realizing that you’re embarrassing.”  If only this were the end of the episode!  But no, they never quit while they’re ahead.

Michelle puts Joey through a bunch of bullshit while he’s looking for the ring.  Eventually it turns out that Jesse found it and has been carrying it around.  Jesse seems kinda mad but, really, what did he expect to happen when he asked Joey to do him a favor?  Did he really think that he wouldn’t fuck it up?

DJ’s school newspaper fund-raiser is a big hit!  A bunch of middle aged extras dressed like flamboyant teenagers dance around to Jesse’s shitty band.  The show wraps up pretty quickly and then Danny delivers some brief closing words wherein he congratulates DJ for putting the whole thing together.  DJ goes up on stage and announces that Jesse’s shitty band is gonna play one last terrible song, sung by her nerdy dad.  Danny checks with DJ to make sure she wont be embarrassed by him and she says the only thing she’s embarrassed about is the way that she acted earlier.  And if that’s not enough to make you wanna put your fist through the screen, Danny proceeds to sing, “My Girl” to the audience.

Oh!  It’s so painful!  It’s such a fucking whitebread rendition in every way possible.  “My Girl” has the greatest base line in the history of music and they just totally left it out.  It’s this up-tempo, dance-with-your-arms-locked-in-a-45-degree-angle interpretation that just makes me want to cry.  And fucking Danny Tanner is singing!  I really wonder what the motivation was for this because Bob Saget really can’t sing for shit.  And that’s not just me picking apart and criticizing everything that ever happens on this show;  that man really cannot sing at all.  So much so that it seems really odd that they would put him in that situation.  Why did no one stop this from happening!??!

Once again, the show ends with a totally skewed moral.  DJ was embarrassed about Danny singing at her school event because he’s fucking embarrassing!  Why does DJ have to ask him to sing at the end?  What lesson does that teach us?  It encourages us to coddle people who are overbearing and obnoxious.  That’s all this show’s ever about!

Firsts:  someone shows self-awareness about being lame

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44 Responses to Season 4, Episode 15, “Ol’ Brown Eyes”

  1. Teebore says:

    The three of them skip around like a bunch of overpaid actors until Jesse shows up and tells Michelle that it’s cooler to strut.

    You know, at times, Jersey has the potential to be the best character on this show (low bar, I know), but then he does crap like that and suddenly he’s just as lame as Danny or Joey…

    Stephanie hides Michelle’s doll and tries to play the hot and cold game

    Maybe this is my post-video games self talking, but tese kids have an odd definition of what constitutes a “game”.

    He must be a hypnotist or have a solid gold penis or something.

    It’s gotta be a penis thing, right? Right?

    Anyway, after DJ leaves, Danny decides to impress DJ by performing a song with Jesse’s band.

    Oh god, I didn’t know where we were headed with this episode until right there. Then I knew this was *that* episode.

    Danny comes out dressed in leather and tells Jesse that he wants to sing, “My Generation,” by The Who.

    Which, by the late 80s, was pretty much a song most every teenager would probably classify as lame, right? But I’m not sure if the writers were smart enough to be in on that joke, or if they thought it was just the performance, and not the song choice itself, that would be embarrassing to DJ.

    Once again, the show ends with a totally skewed moral. DJ was embarrassed about Danny singing at her school event because he’s fucking embarrassing!

    Ugh. I see a story where DJ is so embarrassed by Danny that she tries to bar him entirely from the show, but then realizes that while singing isn’t his thing, he has other “talents” and asks him to come back and be a part of the show working. That way, Danny realizes he was being an embarrasment but DJ also realizes she can’t just cut out her dad entirely (which is kind of a good lesson to learn), and we’re spared Danny singing “My Girl”, so everyone is happy.

    This way is just more Bizarro Full House universe morals on display.

    Like

  2. Mr.Panther says:

    i remember seeing bob sagat sing my generation as a kid. even at 8 years old, i could see that it was dreadfully embarassing. i had suppressed this memory

    Like

  3. Dr. Bitz says:

    I didn’t recognize this episode until you mentioned Danny wanted to sing. Then I realized it was the “Danny sings My Girl” episode. I can’t recall watching it anytime in my adulthood, but I remember it as a kid and thinking he sang pretty well.

    Have I ever mentioned that I was a stupid kid?

    Like

  4. OH MY GAWD. I went to youtube to search for the singing scene b/c I wanted to snicker at Saget butchering the song. I found the scene alright but not the comments I expected (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36_8Ywo9SMU)

    A few of the comments: “Bob Saget version made me love this song lol…

    This is probably my favourite scene from the series :)”

    “i agree with a lot of people, i love this version better than the original”

    “the original version of this song is so good but i love this one more!!”

    Death….death to them all.

    Like

    • billysuperstar says:

      some people are really fucked up.

      Like

    • Dalif says:

      I hate you and love you for posting that link. I watched it, and don’t know what to think of anymore…

      Like

      • marino says:

        The song really needs the bass line. I also like how he “plays off” not being able to hit the high notes by laughing about it. Like, maybe Bob Sagat is laughing, but Danny Tanner is serious about those high notes, and we all know it.

        Like

  5. bobkipper says:

    I know the lyrics are tame, but doesn’t anybody else think it’s kind of creepy when a dad takes a song that is originally about a lady a dude wants to bang hell of bad and then sings it to his daughter?

    Like

  6. Kristen says:

    Is that Bradley Whitford dancing in front of Kimmie Gibbler?

    Like

  7. Mandie says:

    I’ve been on this site for almost 2 hours. I forgot to pick my friend up at the airport, I was so entranced. Don’t say you never made a difference. She’s pissed as hell.

    It was worth it.

    Like

    • RachWho? says:

      Mandie, I imagine that immediately after picking up said friend and giving her a beer or two you had her read this blog and she not only immediately forgave you, but realized you were the best friend on earth.

      Like

  8. Suzanne says:

    I can’t get past your analysis of the title.

    Like

  9. kangarara says:

    Is there a difference? You tell me:



    Like

  10. kangarara says:

    Maybe this is better:

    Like

  11. Jeff says:

    “The title of this episode comes from the special name the dads have for when they rub their anuses together.”

    Best opening line ever.

    Like

  12. Dalif says:

    After seeing the Michelle eating cookies screencap, I had to skip the rest of the article, and just post here, as the image filled me with a loathing so great, I had to find and outlet.

    Now that it’s out, I can safely read the rest of it. Carry on.

    Like

  13. Dr.Victator says:

    Rebecca Donaldson shows up and has to work real hard to convince Jesse not to wear a leather tuxedo with a cobra on the back of it at their wedding.

    ****

    In what sick twisted world is that not swank.

    Like

  14. Jordan says:

    Ok, couple things…

    There actually is ONE recurring band member in Jesse’s rock-of-shit band; it’s the guy who’s constantly (well, later on) in the middle of deciding whether or not he’s bald. In the picture of the band in the living room, he’s on the left, singing with the girl. I think he may have gotten a line or two eventually, but yeah… always there.

    Also, the two things that I’ll never forget about this episode was the way Joey places the cookie on his finger (found it weird, I don’t know), and how Danny needed to be “Ultra-hip and Mega Cool”, a phrase I utter at the most in/appropriate time possible, usually in regards to someone trying to be awesome and failing.

    “Well, he was only trying to be ultra-hip and mega-cool.”

    Like

  15. “The title of this episode comes from the special name the dads have for when they rub their anuses together.”

    Seriously, if not this, what was the relevance of the title? I might have guess a twist on the Frank Sinatra reference, ol’ blue eyes, but that doesn’t seem to fit. Oh, and damn you to Hell for putting that visual in my head. I can’t un-see it. Excuse me while I go bleach my brain.

    “Stephanie hides Michelle’s doll and tries to play the hot and cold game so she can find it but all Michelle gives a shit about are cookies.”

    Dude, are those caramel delights/samoas? Can’t say I blame her. They taste like heavenly droppings…wait, no. Never mind.

    “Michelle enters the scene and asks if anyone will play hot and cold with her and everyone saunters off. After being left alone in the living room, she finds Rebecca Donaldson’s wedding ring and decides to hide it. Man, that’s what those fuckers get for letting that child walk around unsupervised all the damn time.”

    And for giving Joey the responsibility of getting it engraved. Why wouldn’t Jersey just do it himself?

    Like

    • Katie Kat says:

      “Dude, are those caramel delights/samoas? Can’t say I blame her. They taste like heavenly droppings…wait, no. Never mind.”

      Haha, no. Those are just those shitty shortbread cookies dipped in chocolate that Keebler puts out. Michelle is still a loser.

      Like

  16. JoeAconite says:

    If I had hidden a ring worth a thousand dollars or more(Just guessing as most wedding rings are horrible overpriced) to play a game of hot/cold, my family would have whipped my ass. Not just a hand whipping, that’s go to your room and await the belt level. You’d find that ring rather quickly when she sees the leather leaving the loops.

    Like

    • Penny says:

      I wanted to see serious harm done to Michelle for that. But, no, the little monkey brat wouldn’t even end up singing that ‘no fun looking at the wall’ song again. I hate that kid like I have never hated any shark-jumping add-on kid in any sitcom ever.

      Like

  17. kp199 says:

    The second screen shot is a great example of the Olsen twins looking off camera to see what to do next.

    And it looks like Joey is giving Jesse a beej in the third picture.

    Lastly, the multiple screencaps with Danny dressed in leather are horrifying. Somebody pass the eye bleach.

    Like

  18. Kristin says:

    After seeing the two screen caps of Bob Saget in tight leather clothing, I just realized that Full House unintentionally causes more second hand embarrassment and cringe worthy moments versus shows that do that shit on purpose (i.e. The Office).

    Like

  19. Megan M says:

    “Does Joey ever tell any jokes that aren’t about cartoon characters? What a waste of human life”

    hahaha! Joey has no life. Somehow he gets laid. Maybe it’s the glorious mullet…I know it’s not the communication skills

    Like

  20. Sarah Portland says:

    The screencap of Grinchy Michelle is horrifying, but the one following – of Stephanie – is the sort of thing that nightmares are made of.

    Like

  21. e_x_i_t says:

    Only part I remember from this episode is Michelle playing a game of Hot and Cold with Joey. So here we go again, Michelle steals shit and the adult (I use that term very loosely, since it’s Joey after all) just gives into her obnoxious nonsense. I mean seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these people, one good slap to the face and she would’ve given up the location real quick.

    No wonder all of these child stars grew up to be such terrible adults, they were practically let loose and did whatever the hell they wanted on set, with nobody off set explaining to them why an normal mannered person shouldn’t act like that. I guess it goes back to the cash cow scenario, it’s a free ride up until they become irrelevant, grow up ugly, or turn 18 and are no longer the parents problem.

    Like

  22. Peachsiki says:

    If you look at this video on youtube, the top comment is about Danny looking sexy in the leather. I could not stop laughing!!! The band couldn’t even keep their shit together! He dances like those limbs don’t bend which reinforces the idea I had as a kid, I thought Danny was a big ol’ Ken Doll!

    Like

    • JohnMo says:

      OMG, that was even more horrible than when I saw it for the first time a couple weeks ago! Ok also, did anybody else notice that Joey was wearing kneepads under his jeans in the scene when he’s crawling on the floor with Michelle? WTF?

      Like

  23. Dawn says:

    HA! “wen they rub anuses together” What a Great Way to start my morning! Hot tea out the nose! I wasn’t expecting that right off the rip! Thank You Billy for makin my mornings truly special & unique!

    Like

  24. Chuck says:

    The White Sox even asked Bob Saget to sing the national anthem at one of their games. This was recently too, not when it was popular. I thought it was a joke until I watched the video http://deadspin.com/5913604/bob-saget-sang-the-national-anthem-at-a-white-sox-game-yesterday-for-some-reason

    This is evidence for the argument that The White Sox are the poor man’s Cubs. Sorry Sox fans.

    Like

  25. matchbox920 says:

    For the record, I was laughing so hard reading this one I was snorting.

    Like

  26. Kenny says:

    Danny goes up to DJ’s room and tells her that he’s not gonna sing at her party. He goes on to explain that he only wanted to do it to prove to her that he was hip and cool, but now he’s realized that he isn’t. What a great scene! The best part about it is that DJ doesn’t reassure him at all, she’s just like, “thanks for realizing that you’re embarrassing.

    ^^^This is why this site is and always be golden.

    Like

  27. williec29 says:

    Michelle needs a good slap upside the head. This is not a little tinker toy or anything. This is an engagement ring Jesse bought off of some shady jewelry salesman. You know how fast my parents would have slapped me into next week if I pulled some foolishness like that? And yes, danny tanner singing My Girl brings shame and disgrace to anyone involved with the classic original.

    Like

  28. jonny says:

    What the fuck is Michelle wearing? I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and I have never dressed either of them in a fancy cloth garbage bag. Maybe they were planning on dropping her off at the curb and San Francisco only excepts especially flamboyant garbage bags? Also, after seeing enough of the show and screenshots, Jersey’s bass player is consistent, but you are right: with only a rare few examples of continuity the band changes every time. I guess maybe Jon Favreau was just too valuable to not cast as the bass player every time

    Like

  29. John Q says:

    Spot on about the show coddling people who are overbearing and obnoxious.

    This is another subtle homosexual nod to Joey and Danny as they “Skip to My Lou” in the Living Room.

    Seriously Michelle’s diet is literally cookies, ice cream, more cookies, fried chicken, cupcakes and more cookies. That kid is going to get diabetes by the time she’s 13.

    I guess Jesse and Joey have just given up on their new production company??

    This is yet another episode where Michelle is left unsupervised and she actually hides a wedding ring this time. Oh Man, Where the hell is her father Danny?? Oh that’s right, he has to put on his black leather pants so he can do the worst rendition of “My Generation” ever performed.

    Doesn’t Jesse have any place better to “rehearse” than the Tanner’s living room?

    I’ve seen teen age kids do a better job of covering “My Generation.”

    Man, they’re really committed to that school newspaper story??? It’s like a 7 day a week job for D.J. complete with fundraising responsibilities. This is Full House so all the fundraising will be done by a 14 year old instead of an adult.

    Bob Saget singing “My Girl” is one of the most cringe worthy moments in the entire series. You basically have to shield your eyes as you watch it.

    Like

    • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

      Actually, his rendition of “My Girl” wasn’t too bad. The version had a semi Elvis Costello “Everyday I Write The Book” vibe going.

      Like

  30. Jen says:

    So DJ can’t have expensive sneakers but Danny will drop several hundy on a leather outfit he wears once? Gee, wonder where the girls get that self-centeredness from. And I never want to see Danny shake his ass like that again. Ever.

    Like

  31. Stacy Hirsh says:

    AHAHAAA ” He must be a hypnotist or have a solid gold penis or something” that line cracked me up!

    Like

  32. Mary says:

    Donaldson is marrying Jesse, because of his looks. I’m sure she will dump him when they fade. That should be one of the episodes of Fuller House, since Stamos is getting on in age. She should trade him in for a newer model.
    Why the Hell did they leave an expensive ring lying around? I forgot logic never applied to Full House.

    Like

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