Pre-Credits Gag: As Joey moves the last of his shit into Jesse’s old room, he directs Michelle as she carefully carries his Popeye figurines, which leads her to ask him, “how come you play with dolls?” Joey evades answering her by doing a routine with his Popeye toy and then he gets her to sing along to the Popeye theme with him and then they both do lame Popeye impressions. Dang, Joey, it’s bad enough that you gave these kids scabies, now you gotta infect them with whatever personality disorder causes you to do terrible impressions all the time, too?
Jesse comes into Joey’s new room and tells him that he just shut the water off, which cues Danny to come in with shampooey hair and his bathrobe on, looking hella pissed. Jesse responds to Danny’s annoyance by taking out a big squeegee and running it over his head. What!??! Why didn’t he check with anyone before he turned the water off? And not only is he not sorry at all, he’s downright antagonistic! Also, where’d he even get that big squeegee?
As DJ and Kimmie Gibbler practice getting gussied up like hoes so boys will want to touch their emerging bosoms, they lament the fact that Stephanie’s moving back into DJ’s room because Stephanie is so young and lame and doesn’t even have any friends who get their period.
Meanwhile, up in the attic, Becky starts to show signs of annoyance towards Jesse’s insistence that he’s going to build their entire attic apartment himself.
For crying out loud, now he’s building their new attic apartment? They might as well have a fucking animated spaceman that lives up there with them, this shit’s gotten so preposterous. Remember when Joey moved out of that creepy alcove in the living room into that slightly less creepy basement apartment? Danny paid to have that shit done in like 2 days or something. Plus now, among the 7 people that live in the full house, there are 2 people with actual income, one of whom is impatiently awaiting the attic renovation project. Anyway, who cares about anything, right? Jesse’s building his fucking apartment in the attic, with his own two hands.
There’s a gag where Jesse turns the electricity off and then Danny comes up and he’s all mad because he can’t use his hair dryer. And yet, it is not dark in the full house. Anyway, Joey eventually realizes that since he, too, is unemployed and just sits around the full house all day making sandwiches for himself and laughing about what a sucker Danny is, he might as well waste a bunch of time being terrible at renovating the attic along with Jesse. And that, my friends, is how comedy gold is forged.
Stephanie tries to show off how cool and mature she is by wearing a long shirt over some tights and putting a Nelson poster on her wall.
DJ comes in and says, “Oh my lanta!” when she’s sees Stephanie’s new digs. What does that even mean? It sounds like something a race horse would be named. Anyway, DJ sees that Stephanie is sporting clothes like hers and she’s like, “quit bitin’ my steelo.” DJ and Kimmie Gibbler then make plans to go hang out at the mall, but first DJ goes into Danny’s room to borrow something to wear and all the girls follow her.
As the girls enter Danny’s eerily well kempt room, DJ warns Kimmie Gibbler not to touch anything because Danny is all obsessive compulsive and will notice if anything’s been changed in any way, then she goes into his closet to borrow some clothes. She picks out a shirt of his to wear because that will make her look cool at the mall for some reason and then Stephanie says that she wants to borrow one of Danny’s shirts, too, and they start fighting over it until the rod that the shirts hang from is pulled down. DJ grabs the rod to fix it but then Stephanie starts grabbing at it and the ensuing struggle sends the rod right through the wall.
As she always does when shit starts to go down in the full house, Kimmie Gibbler cuts the fuck out immediately. You know, there are a lot of reasons to like Kimmie Gibbler, but the fact that she never has DJ’s back at all is probably the biggest one for me. Anyway, DJ starts really freaking out and trying to come up with a solution while Stephanie just sort of stands around, noticeably less perturbed. At first I found Stephanie’s reaction odd but then I remembered that they already did an episode where she drove a car through the dining room, so I guess after that a hole in the wall doesn’t seem like such a big deal.
Joey complains that Jesse is just giving him bitch work to do on their attic-building project but Jesse seems pretty aware of Joey’s uselessness in this particular scenario and sticks to his guns. The girls come up and ask the uncles about what they would do, hypothetically, if they knocked a hole in the wall and Jesse explains how he’s fix it as Joey makes mocking gestures behind him.
The girls create a diversion and then they sneak a bunch of repair supplies out of the attic. Jesse continues to boss Joey around until Joey decides that he’d rather just go back to beating off to The Grind on MTV all day than put up with Jesse’s shit.
Just as Joey’s leaving, Jesse mishandles the wiring to the electric murphy bed he’s building and gets stuck behind it. He calls to Joey for help and, naturally, Joey is a real dick about it and refuses to help him until he admits that he learned a valuable lesson about accepting help from others. Wait, I’m sorry, I just glossed over the fact that Jesse is building an electric murphy bed, which is a totally amazing detail. I wonder if it’s just going to be used for this one gag and then disappear or if he and Becky will conceive their ugly children on it.
The girls do a really shitty job of spackling the hole, although I’m pretty impressed that they managed to find paint that matched Danny’s wall. They decide to push Danny’s dresser in front of the hole to cover it up but just as they start to move it they hear Danny announcing that he’s come home. They enlist Michelle to stall him, prompting one of those never-worth-watching bits where someone does a terrible job of distracting someone else while some mischief is going on in the other room. They must have done like 50 of those by now, and this one might be the least inspired of all as Michelle recites her phone number to Danny to avert his attention. Danny realizes that something’s up and heads upstairs, where he finds the girls in his room, looking guilty as hell.
They stammer through the most obvious impromptu lie in the world about how they’re in his room because they’re doing research for a song they’re writing about him. Danny skeptically requests that they perform the song and then the girls struggle through a shared improvisation of a song about Danny which is mostly made up of them droning on with, “Dad, Dad, he’s our Dad…” I can actually see how a routine like this would be pretty funny if it was performed on a different show, but all I can say about it here is that it’s about as funny as Full House gets when it’s actually trying to be.
Danny says that he can tell that there’s some bullshit going on but since he can’t figure out what it is he’s not gonna sweat it. The girls run back into their room and bond over pulling one over on Danny and celebrate by singing the “Dad” song again. Michelle comes in and tries to sing it with them and Stephanie starts talking about what an annoying pain in the ass she is because she’s always bitin’ her steelo. DJ points out to Stephanie that that’s how she feels about her and then Stephanie pulls a classic Urkel move by getting all butt hurt about being called out on being an obnoxious asshole. The music comes on as DJ explains that she likes her and everything but Nelson totally sucks, even in 1990, so maybe she should just stick to being a lame kid who plays with dolls and stuff. Their gentle reconciliation is cut short by Michelle entering the scene with a wig on, which is really bizarre not only because she just went and got a wig from who knows where, but also because this isn’t the first time that’s happened.
In the final moments of the episode Danny comes in and requests that the girls sing the “Dad” song and then they all sing it together as the credits come on, and that’s it! They actually got away with putting that hole in the wall! They didn’t learn a valuable lesson about being honest or not putting holes in walls, Stephanie just learned to stop bitin’ DJ’s steelo.
Firsts: the girls get away with something
Congrats on the new site and shirt.
Also, after seeing that first screen cap, this couldn’t NOT be done:
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YES!
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Hooray, somebody else noticed the total Trollface Michelle’s pulling! Never has a meme been more appropriate, I think, because that damn baby does nothing but troll, all day long.
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Michele looks like a retard making that face 😛
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And also, DJ says “Oh, Mylanta,” (I was wondering which episode was going to see the genesis of that catchphrase; I seem to remember her saying that a lot), which is for “heartburn, acid indigestion, sour stomach, or gas”.
I suppose if I grew up with Danny and Uncle Joey, I’d have ulcers and stress farts at 14, too.
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she’s said it a few times before, it just never struck me enough to mention until this time.
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The first time I remember her saying it was to the paper boy at the notorious picnic with the love letter.
I totally forgot Uncle Jesse was building their attic apartment!
And it was unfortunately way cool to wear your dad’s flannels.
I can’t wait for Stephanie to get her ass handed to her by Gia.
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Oh man, poor Gia is going to get RAILED by this site. I’m anxiously awaiting the “Girl Talk” episode where she, Stephanie and motherfucking Kimmy Gibbler form the most epic girl band ever.
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Oh…my…god…
Girl talk was hot shit..Gibblers outfits?…true full house style takes kimmy over….
I don’t remember this episode specifically, but I’m pretty sure they hav a different bed when those horribly ugly zack and cody twins are birthed to replace the olsons as they became stephanie-ized….
Was thinking a boy meets world blog should be soon…
I hated that show so much I loved it….
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yesss. so much to look forward to. gibbler outfits and hair, the god damn girl band, the smash club takeover! those stupid f*cking boy twins. VIPER!!!! dear god, sweet sweet Viper!
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I hate to fucking do this, but the first time I remember “Oh Mylanta” was when it turned out that Mr Greek Cousin walked around the table with Deej and got married.
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The best part of my day was realizing you would have a new episode up. I really enjoy how they casually put Michelle in a terrifying toddler wig. I wonder how many more times we will be seeing her in wigs? I’m going to start a wig tally. Anyway, hilarious as usual. I had a grand time reading through your archives and wanted to cry when I realized there were no more, so I’m looking forward to getting my fix every Friday. My terrifying toddler wig is off to you for doing this.
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Congrats on the new site!
“I can actually see how a routine like this would be pretty funny if it was performed on a different show…”
Have you ever seen Garth and Kat on SNL’s Weekend Update (played by Fred Armisen and Kristen Wiig)? They’re a badly synchronized duo who perform songs they’re obviously making up on the spot. It’s really stupid but for some reason it cracks me up. You can find it on Hulu if you’re unfamiliar with the skit.
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PS: First comment on the new blog! I wanna T-shirt. 😉
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Yeah, I was thinking the same thing, though my reaction was “actually, another show has done this gag, and it’s not funny there either”, but to each their own. 🙂
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Once again, I question the placement of this episode at the end of the season. It seems like their goal is to end the season with the Full House fully configured for the new season, with everyone in their new sets and roles within the house. Just seems like the sort of thing that would happen at the beginning of a season…
Also, where’d he even get that big squeegee?
Same place Michelle gets her wig, later. The prop department, dur! 😉
Jesse’s building his fucking apartment in the attic, with his own two hands.
Again, I question the logic (shocking, I know). Are Jersey and Becky just living in the unfinished attic while he’s doing this, sleeping on piles of insulation or something, while Becky’s Rebecca Donaldson sex pad still sits unused? Is Jersey so unable to be apart from the Full House that he can’t even live in his wife’s house until the attic is renovated?
Stephanie tries to show off how cool and mature she is by wearing a long shirt over some tights and putting a Nelson poster on her wall.
In Stephanie’s defense, this does seem to be the show’s idea of what “cool” is.
then I remembered that they already did an episode where she drove a car through the dining room, so I guess after that a hole in the wall doesn’t seem like such a big deal.
Ha! How great would it have been if she’d just rolled her eyes and been like, “yeah, get back to me when you’ve put a car through the house Deej.”
Also, that little hole in the wall is nothing. Back in high school, my brother and I had one of those horsing around brother fights brothers have, and I ended up throwing him into a wall and leaving a twelve-year-old boy-sized indent in the wall. Now THAT was a hole in a wall.
Just as Joey’s leaving, Jesse mishandles the wiring to the electric murphy bed he’s building and gets stuck behind it.
Do Murphy beds even exist for any reason other than for lonely private eyes in movies and sitcom hijinks on TV?
I wonder if it’s just going to be used for this one gag and then disappear or if he and Becky will conceive their ugly children on it.
Ha! I would suddenly find those ugly, ugly moppets more tolerable if they were indeed conceived on a Murphy bed, surrounded by Jersey’s shoddy renovations.
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Oh, they definitely were. Jesse makes some kind of comment in poor taste to that effect when they bring the kids home from the hospital.
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PS: Congrats on the swanky new digs!
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I’ve been waiting for this episode … Kept going back through the archives thinking I’d missed it.
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Me too!
I could have sworn this was like a season 2 episode or something…
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Am I missing something? I know that the basement eventually becomes the studio … but would Joey be so easily pried out of the basement? Wouldn’t it provide more privacy than having a room sandwiched between young girls …
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They needed the basement stage for Jesse and beckys swanky attic apartment….and keep eyes open on later episodes….that attic?…become like a 3 bedroom apartment with crazy ass neighbors below…
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So that explains why they had this episode. It allowed them to be lazy, only having to tear down the first set before the next episode.
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Just found this blog about a week ago and have never seen anything so brilliant! For some reason I grew up punishing myself by watching this god-forsaken show pretty frequently. You deserve a reward for doing this…perhaps a lobotomy upon completion? Keep up the hilarious work. I’ll be purchasing a t-shirt soon
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Oh man! Murphy beds. I actually did find it funny in this episode when they move everything in the room 6 inches or whatever, so Danny won’t notice the dresser has been moved and he comes in and keeps missing the mark, throwing his coat on the floor and whatever. It amused me a little.
Regarding the Murphy bed, I think it did stay a Murphy bed … but I seem to recall it was down most of the time. I always thought it was weird that Becky and Jesse seemed to have a bed that was in the middle of their apartment … which was fine when they lived alone, but then the boys came and the boys had their separate room. So, like, every time the boys got up to to go the bathroom, they’d be in their parents bedroom? I sure hope they put doors on it at some point so they could get busy without a kid walking in on them. (I know the twins were not old enough to be potty trained on the show, or just barely, but for the fake future).
It seems a little crazy that the Full House has extra space for an entire apartment and a basement bedroom, but 2 of the girls were sharing a room? Did DJ have that huge room to herself? Danny’s room was way smaller … the hell? And downstairs consisted of a living room and kitchen?
Also something I have always wondered … so when Joey got that sweet bedroom apartment, Jesse still stayed in Steph’s old room right? I’d have been pissed! Joey can totally sneak women in the house for some hot fucking, and Jesse is stuck in a little girl’s old room right next to his nieces’ bedroom?!
I would love an architect’s layout of the Full House! Because before renovations it appeared to only have 1 bathroom which is insane. It should have had at least 2, there would HAVE to be one on the first level?!
I have clearly overthought this. Nice new digs 🙂
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I’m really late to this party, but okay, here’s how the house is laid out:
Basement which used to be a one-car garage. Consists of bedroom and bathroom, but later a music studio instead of bedroom.
First floor: living room, kitchen w/ laundry area. No bathroom (this is mentioned several times, that guests have to go upstairs to use the bathroom).
Second floor: Master bedroom (Danny), two guest rooms (Jesse, Michelle, then later DJ, Joey), large bedroom (DJ and Stephanie, then later Stephanie and Michelle), 1 bathroom. In some episodes, it is mentioned that Danny has a bathroom in his room, and in other episodes it’s mentioned that he has to fight for the main bathroom w/ everyone else, so who knows there?
Attic: living area/makeshift master bedroom, 1 bathroom, 1 small bedroom (for the twins).
It makes nooo sense, but when you also remember that people can drive cars into the backyard which, if you look at the house’s address on Google Maps make NO SENSE because there is no accessible back/side entrance a car could fit through, you just give up thinking about it eventually.
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I’m even later to the party, but simply had to join!
Eventually, Jersey & Joey pull a full size cement truck into the completely inaccessible back yard and proceed to pour a DRIVEWAY. In the completely inaccessible back yard. That does not lead to the garage. Which isn’t used as a garage anyway. I can’t wait to get to that one. They couldn’t go with a patio ….
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Could they have found a less sexy outfit for Aunt Becky in this episode? Sheesh.
New site looks great. Congrats!
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Is this the first time we hear the Tanner phone number, “five-five-five two-four two-four?”
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yep. is that gonna be a recurring thing?
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I can’t remember; I’ve made diligent efforts to forget about this show (but I love your reviews! )
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George Michael, Milli Vanilli, Nelson, Stacey Q….the Tanner sisters were never short on their horrible taste in music.
New site looks awesome, btw.
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To be fair, Milli Vanilli got boned by that producer of theirs.
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Finally caught up after hours and hours of going through the archives. Well worth it. Also, did the music never come on in this episode?
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I received this weekend – the FULL HOUSE BOARD GAME!
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holy shit! you should send it to me. it’s rightfully mine!!! i’ll review it…
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I totally would lend to you if you sent it back! It was a gift! Or I could review for you and give you the lowdown. There are things called Joey Joke cards! I’m a comedian and I am contemplating reading these at a show and seeing how long it takes people to notice I’m doing shitty Joey jokes!
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you should make a youtube video out of that! ill totally post it!
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Oh good plan! I totally win – I produce my own show so I’ll so it there, probably not until next month!
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Totally WILL, not win.
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This is the best blog that I have ever read. Within the past two days, I have read every single entry.
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When is the ‘Seventh Heaven’ blog going to debut???
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I whole-heartedly second that.
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I hope people in the Full House have good legs and love walking up stairs because it would be a pain to walk up from the basement to the attic all the time.
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Oh, man. We’re starting to get into the episodes that I remember very well…
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“DJ goes into Danny’s room to borrow something to wear and all the girls follow her.”
Correct me, but is this the first time we’ve seen Danny’s room? If not, its the first time you’ve mentioned/screen capping it, I’m sure.
“I can actually see how a routine like this would be pretty funny if it was performed on a different show, but all I can say about it here is that it’s about as funny as Full House gets when it’s actually trying to be.”
This is very suggestive that you found this funny. You’re cracking up man. You are going to need serious therapy to undo what you are putting yourself through.
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Correct me, but is this the first time we’ve seen Danny’s room?
We also saw his room at least one other time in the “DJ’s 13th birthday” episode.
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And the Stephanie Gets Therapy After Earthquake episode.
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WWKGD? She’d get the fuck out of there, the Gibbs doesn’t have time for those Tanner girl’s bullshit, Hey Dude! is about to come on.
It’s a rare commodity when children on a 80s/early 90s sitcom got away with anything without having a very stern talking to, either this was done intentionally, or the writers just forgot about it, or simply just didn’t care.
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Ah! The one where Jesse gets stuck behind the bed and Joey takes the opportunity to mess his hair up and Jesse goes “JOSEPH! JOSEPH! JOSEPH!” over and over again. Comedy gold, man.
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the dad song that Stephaine and Dj make up for Danny was funny and cute . i like when Steph sings and she says “he keeps it that way with a mop and a broom” since the dad is a clean freak LOL. i just love Stephaine Tanner!
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just to let you all know i rather Stephaine alot better than Dj. she is nicer funnier alot prettier and she can dance and she’s down to earth and easy going.
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Michelle totally looks like a mini-streetwalker in that last screencap.
DJ comes in and says, “Oh my lanta!” when she’s sees Stephanie’s new digs. What does that even mean? It sounds like something a race horse would be named.
If I’m ever at the racetrack and I see a horse named “Oh, Mylanta” I would totally bet on it no matter what.
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Candace Cameron says that she said “Oh, Mylanta!” to avoid saying “Oh, my God!” She claims to never have taken the Lord’s name in vain on Full House, but in a later episode she does. What a hypocritical, smug piece of shit.
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If you’re going to call people names, provide proof of what you’re accusing them of. When did she say she was avoiding taking the Lord’s name in vain (since I believe she wasn’t a Christian during the filming of the show) and when did she actually do it?
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These little spoiled shits should have been caught. No act. I hope that Dad finds the evidence.
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The wedding episode, when Stephanie read the letter from Jesse saying he had to go do something before getting married, and now in this episode when she thinks that she and D.J are gonna get busted for smashing a hole in the wall, she acts like a total, crazy, drama queen! And next episode, when she likes that one boy, she goes kinda nutty too. “SHOULD I DYE MY HAIR!?”
My question is…does being the middle child make you feel like you aren’t getting enough attention and do other middle children become loud and dramatic too?
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That’s a really lame idea for DJ and Stephanie to try to fix that hole they made in the wall before their dad finds out by smoothing, sanding and painting it when they know that stuff is not gonna work. Why don’t DJ and Stephanie just be straight with their dad? I mean tell him the truth. He’d probably be so proud of them for telling him the truth that he won’t explode at them for ruining his wall.
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Did Danny ever discover the hole in a later episode? For some reason I seem to remember him finding out, but I can’t find any evidence of this. Was this my imagination?
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