Season 5, Episode 3, “Take My Sister, Please”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle commands Jesse to come into her room so he can cure her of the hiccups.  He gives her a glass of water and tells her to drink it and then say, “have mercy,” which, unsurprisingly, doesn’t work.  Is that why he says that all the time?  Because he thinks it prevents him from having hiccups?  I guess that’s just as logical as saying it because he thinks it’s charming.  Jesse then tries to scare her to cure her hiccups, which makes her go and tell on him to Danny.  If he really wanted to scare her, he should’ve shown her a picture of herself from the year 2012, where she’s only a foot taller and weighs the same.

While the three of them study in the girls’ room, Kimmie Gibbler plays wingman for DJ while she tries to put the moves on some stupid looking kid named Rick.  Just as Rick’s about to give in to DJ’s overt desperation, Stephanie barges in and starts addressing Rick by plagiarizing Rob Schneider’s annoying SNL schtick where he would say a million annoying variations on everyone’s names.  How did nobody get sued for this?  And if they were going to blatantly rip something off, you’d hope that they’d at least pick something better.  Anyway, Stephanie won’t shut the fuck up or leave the room and proceeds to salt DJ’s already rickety game until Rick finally cuts out.  After he leaves, DJ gets pretty fucking pissed off and tells Stephanie that she’s going to find a way to get her own room.

Jesse comes home from the store with a bunch of chips for Becky, who is making lots of requests due to her pregnancy cravings.  She tells him that she wants a different kind of chips and he says that he figured that when she kept paging him while he was at the store (remember pagers?  Although they’re completely obsolete now, I still think they’ve aged better as a reference than that plagiarized Rob Schneider schtick) and so he brought home a whole shitload.  He dumps all the bags of chips all over the table as if to say that the joke about her being pregnant and eating a lot was too understated in the last episode so now they have to overdo it as much as possible.

Becky makes more plans for Jesse to get her some additional food later but first they have to prepare for their childbirth class which, naturally, takes place in the living room.  After they leave the kitchen, Michelle shows up and is excited by the large quantity of chips she finds on the table but then she quickly discovers that she is unable to open the bags.  Yeah, I don’t understand why, either.

Becky invites Danny and Joey to attend her childbirth class but they decline because they’ve got tickets for a Warriors game.  Then they see Lisa, the childbirth class’s instructor, and since they both want to fuck her they decide to stick around.

While they both ineptly hit on her, Joey does an impression of Daffy Duck that includes him spitting in Danny’s face, and Danny finally comments on this being a recurring problem that Joey has.

DJ comes downstairs and tells that dads that she has an important presentation for them.  They all go into the kitchen, where Michelle is collaborating with the dog in a further attempt to open one of those bags of chips.  I thought that this might evolve into a whole tertiary storyline but that’s actually the end of it.

DJ launches into an engaging presentation, complete with visual aides, about how she needs to have her own room because Stephanie is a gigantic pain in the ass and also because why the fuck does Michelle have her own room anyway?

Stephanie protests by saying that she shouldn’t have to share a room with Michelle because she’s a “4-year-old baby,” but after hearing both arguments the dads all huddle together and do that muttered whispering thing that they usually only do in cartoons.  After their brief, inaudible meeting, the dads all agree that DJ can switch rooms with Michelle, which is a rare instance for the show in which logic prevails.

Becky comes into the kitchen and tells Joey and Danny that Lisa needs help setting up for the childbirth class and they both run into the living room with their dicks out.  Becky then asks Jesse if he’ll get her wool socks out of storage because she’s cold and he makes a big deal out of what a pain in the ass it is to do things for his pregnant wife.  I guess that when you don’t have to work or do anything that normal adults have to do, getting some socks from upstairs is a pretty big hardship.

Stephanie tells Michelle that they’ll be sharing a room soon and Michelle says that she’s hella pissed about it and gives her a raspberry.  Michelle then heads upstairs in protest, leaving Stephanie to sit in the kitchen to feel sorry for herself as sad music plays.  Aww.

Stephanie expresses her woes to the dog, which is actually a pretty frequent occurrence.  She communicates her perceived victimhood at no one wanting to share a room with her, willfully ignoring the fact that it’s because she’s a total asshole.  During this self-pity session, she’s packing her things, apparently planning to move out and find her own room somewhere else.

I really don’t understand why the childbirth class is taking place in the living room of the full house.  I’d just assumed that Becky was taking a private class at home, but there’s a whole room full of couples in attendance.  What the fuck?  The instructor tells all of the couples to choose an object to focus on while the woman’s in labor and Jesse pulls out an Elvis doll.  Becky’s like, God damn it, can we please just have one fucking thing in our lives that isn’t Elvis themed?  Jesse then pulls out a giant turkey leg, playing off of the brilliant joke about how hungry she is all the time, and I have to say that I’m really surprised that it wasn’t fried chicken.  Way to branch out, Jesse!

As the couples practice deep breathing, Joey and Danny shamelessly hit on the instructor.  Over the course of their conversation, it becomes clear that Lisa shares Joey’s one-dimensional love of cartoons, making the two of them a more fitting match.  As if that wasn’t already implausible enough, Lisa actually ends the class abruptly just so she can go out on a date with Joey.  Take that, pregnant women!

After the class, all of the pregnant women engage in an eating frenzy that horrifies their husbands.  Becky makes some more requests for Jesse to get them some other kinds of food and then he launches into a whole diatribe about how it’s total bullshit that he should have to put in any extra effort to comfort his pregnant wife.  Becky becomes extremely emotional, resulting in Jesse feeling obligated to comfort her, and then she becomes apologetic and says that she doesn’t deserve him.  Jesse agrees but then acquiesces that he’ll make an effort to accommodate her needs just as long as he still never has to get a job.

As DJ measures Michelle’s room in preparation for moving in, Michelle comes in and tells her that she doesn’t have to bother with that anymore because Stephanie has moved out.  After a brief investigation, DJ discovers the Stephanie has moved into the bathroom, which is pretty much a direct reenactment of the first episode, where DJ moved into the basement, except even more ridiculous.  Not only would this arrangement prevent anyone in the full house from having a proper place to take a shit, but how the hell did she get carpeting put in there?

Danny comes into the bathroom to rub one out but is deterred by the presence of his three arguing daughters.  Stephanie tells Danny a big sob story about how none of her sisters want to share a room with her and he is effectively manipulated into rethinking DJ’s proposal.  DJ protests and then Danny tells her that he’s confident that she can work it out herself and then leaves the bathroom so he can go rub one out in the hall closet instead.  DJ’s like, “damn, Stephanie, do you think just once you could stop being such a fucking pain in the ass?  Seriously, you’re not cute anymore and you’re really not contributing anything to the show at all anymore.”  Stephanie remains uncooperative until the music comes on as she tells DJ how much she’s valued invading her personal space over the years.  She says that she’ll miss the comfort of listening in on her conversations and being lulled to sleep by the mysterious vibrations that emanate from under her covers at night.  DJ tells her that she can still invade her personal space even though they won’t be sharing a room anymore and then there are hugs.  I guess that settled it, although I still think it would have been more effective if DJ had just started shitting in the toilet to drive her out of there.

This still leaves the problem of Michelle not wanting to room with Stephanie, but it’s quickly resolved when they offer her some cookies.  What a fucking idiot.

Firsts:  Joey’s spitting problem is addressed, DJ having her own room, Stephanie and Michelle sharing a room

Announcement Follow-Up:

Have you guys checked out the FHR forum yet?  It’s pretty neat.  I’m trying to get a haiku competition going on over there.  I wrote the first one, now you go.

Also, thanks so much for clicking the ads!  I’m trying to think of a good way to continue to encourage you guys to do this without writing an annoying reminder at the end of every post.  I’m kind of stuck between being a person that hates advertising and being a person that could really benefit from it.  What do you guys think?  Maybe we could talk about it on the FHR forum.

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76 Responses to Season 5, Episode 3, “Take My Sister, Please”

  1. PuppetDoctor says:

    “If he really wanted to scare her, he should’ve showed her a picture of herself from the year 2012, where she’s only a foot taller and weighs the same.”

    If only we could see what the Olsen Twins looked like in the future at that time.

    I look forward to the reviews every week. Keep up the great work.

    Like

  2. Hebrewersfan says:

    “the dads all huddle together and do that muttered whispering thing that they usually only do in cartoons”

    A blatant rip-off of the Beach Boys huddle without the humming.

    Like

  3. liza says:

    I always read your posts in a reader so I for one appreciate the reminder to come click on the ads — which I am happy to do, JUST FOR YOU (rawr!), but would never remember on my own.

    Like

  4. scott blevins says:

    i absolutely love the screen cap of all the husbands standing there in the kitchen of the full house. take a good look at the guy standing right next to jesse. he looks like he just came from a photo shoot for lee stonewash jeans. seriously, where the hell do they find these extras?

    Like

  5. Navarro says:

    DJ and kimmy are, what, 14 in this episode? That guy they were studying with can be no younger than 23

    Like

  6. Scruugy says:

    Has anyone seen John Stamos’ Greek yogurt ad on TV? It’s hecka creepy! Uncle Yogurt.

    Like

  7. Starved Dog says:

    Is that instructor the same woman who played the nurse that Zack had a hard-on for in one of the SBtB episodes?

    Like

    • Doyle says:

      Great eye, Starved Dog! Wasn’t her husband or a boyfriend a professional wrestler or something in that episode?

      Like

    • Teebore says:

      Without checking IMDB, I’m 90% sure that is indeed the nurse who gave Zack a boner right after Kelly agreed to go steady with him in that one SbtB episode.

      Like

      • furburger says:

        And Rick will later become “Ted” in “Hey Dude”, a series about idiot fake cowboys. sweet, sweet crossovers.

        Like

      • furburger says:

        Actually, totally just checked imdb. Rick had already played Ted. I bet he thought he couldn’t stoop much lower. Boy did the Full House show him. (And i agree with you about the nurse)

        Like

      • Starved Dog says:

        I sure do remember Ted from Hey Dude! Holy Shit, I didn’t catch that until you mentioned it! He was the one crushing for the brunette girl on the show; I think her name was Brad?

        Like

      • Sally says:

        He also plays Blossom’s long-term boyfriend on Blossom shortly after. He’s a true champion of 90s cornball television….

        Like

      • Livvie says:

        He was also on BH 90210 as Kyle,the only guy to never get an STD from KellyTaylor.

        Like

    • Lisa says:

      Nancy Valen was the name of the actress.
      David Lascher (Ted/Rick) was also in an episode of Roseanne around this time. Ah, memories.

      Like

      • Terrence M. Clay says:

        Nancy Valen recently blocked me on Facebook! This came after I kept trying to get her attention back in April in regards to a Facebook fan page that I made about her:
        https://www.facebook.com/pages/Nancy-Valens-Smile/279822262122611

        I’ve had the biggest crush on her ever since I saw her play the new school nurse that Zack fell head over heels over (despite previously asking Kelly to go steady w/ him) at Bayside on Saved by the Bell.

        She more than likely interpreted what I was doing as borderline creepy and “stalkerish” (or whatever constitutes that sort of behavior online) and an invasion of her privacy (maybe I did go too far when it came towards sharing photos from her account to give material towards my aforementioned page), and proceeded to immediately block me (although, it took me a long while to finally realize it). I’m actually surprised that she had gotten around to what I was doing, since she hardly ever updates her Twitter account for instance.

        I’ve ironically, was actually able get into contact w/ Kathy Ireland via Twitter a few months ago (I had stumbled across a recent photo of Dennis Haskins reuniting w/ Nancy Valen on his Twitter account), who was originally going to play Nurse Jennifer. She was really nice and she told me that she was fired because the producers felt that she wasn’t up to par acting-wise.

        Like

  8. Wilkins says:

    Man, you could just feel the laziness wafting off of this one: ripping off Rob Schneider, tired old “pregnant wife eating” jokes, the childbirth class taking place in the living room (although, to be fair, that’s probably more due to cheapness than laziness). Just lazy, lazy hack writing on this one. Terrible.

    “If he really wanted to scare her, he should’ve showed her a picture of herself from the year 2012, where she’s only a foot taller and weighs the same.” BURN!

    “I thought that this might evolve into a whole tertiary storyline but that’s actually the end of it.” I’m kind of shocked that it didn’t myself.

    “and he makes a big deal out of what a pain in the ass it is to do things for his pregnant wife. I guess that when you don’t have to work or do anything that normal adults have to do, getting some socks from upstairs is a pretty big hardship.” The lazy writer of this episode is clearly channeling his frustration at being a lazy writer into the character of Jesse, by making him a lazy expectant father. Of course, this only further compounds his problem, since it only further contributes to the laziness of the episode.

    “Over the course of their conversation, it becomes clear that Lisa shares Joey’s one-dimensional love of cartoons, making the two of them a more fitting match. As if that wasn’t already implausible enough, Lisa actually ends the class abruptly just so she can go out on a date with Joey.” If I were a pregnant woman, I wouldn’t want anyone who found Joey attractive coaching me on how to give birth, or anywhere near my unborn baby, for that matter. There’s clearly something wrong with her, on a deep psychological level.

    “but how the hell did she get carpeting put in there?” HA! And, wait, they had the budget to put a carpet in the bathroom set, but they couldn’t throw together a few walls for a different location for the childbirth class? WTF?

    Like

    • Sally says:

      Consult other Full House episodes, that bathroom is sometimes carpeted…but not always, for some reason….

      Like

      • RachWho? says:

        The backstory on the disappearing/reappearing carpeting for me is as follows: Joey is clearly the kind of guy who drops frequent, giant, foul deuces. This leads to the toilet clogging. Being the inconsiderate asshole that he is, he continues to flush over and over, leading to flooding of shit-water all over the bathroom floor. Danny, compulsive neat freak that he is, promptly has the bathroom professionally disinfected and then buys a new rug. Repeat this cycle ad nauseum.

        Like

      • hugh jasso says:

        / HaHaHA!!!!!!!
        Billy’s work is always superb, but that backstory is spot-on hilarious!!!!

        Like

      • jannghi says:

        This wasn’t the only sitcom to have a childbirth class taking place in the family’s living room. “Family Ties” did this too when Elise was expecting. Alex fell for a single mother who was in the class with Elise.

        Like

  9. Teebore says:

    Becky makes more plans for Jesse to get her some additional food later but first they have to prepare for their childbirth class

    Ah, the childbirth class. Another sitcom staple. I wonder if there’s a single sitcom cliche this show won’t hit before it’s over?

    Then they see Lisa, the childbirth class’s instructor, and since they both want to fuck her they decide to stick around.

    This isn’t the first “Danny and Joey both want the same woman” story, is it? I feel like that happened a lot, and it must have happened at least once already and I’m just forgetting the specifics, right?

    Stephanie protests by saying that she shouldn’t have to share a room with Michelle because she’s a “4-year-old baby,”

    Yeah, well, that’s what you get for being the middle child, Steph. Nut up.

    she’s packing her things, apparently planning to move out and find her own room somewhere else.

    She really has a “if things sucks, runaway” mentality, doesn’t she? This isn’t the first time she’s runaway from her problems.

    I really don’t understand why the childbirth class is taking place in the living room of the full house.

    Look, they can pay for the people in the class, or they can pay for a new childbirth classroom set, but they can’t pay for both!

    although I still think it would have been more effective if DJ has just started shitting in the toilet to drive her out of there.

    That is the time honored tradition for clearing a bathroom, though, since the approximately 22 people living in the full house seem to share, at most, two bathrooms, they’re probably all used to the lingering stench of their own crapulence.

    Like

  10. paddles says:

    Danny’s OCD seems to be pretty inconsistent. I would think your daughter throwing all of her possessions into the bathroom would be the kind of thing that would put you over the edge. Not only are things out of place, but your child is living in a room generally associated with dirtiness. He, not DJ, should have been the one to just take a big old dump in the toilet while staring deeply into her eyes. Saying ‘Is this what you want? Is this what you want your life to be?’

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Wondercat3000 says:

    Wait, I remember this one. Doesn’t Jesse have to go to Mexico to get Becky watermelon, or something along those lines? Or is that a near-future episode?

    And I forgot about the fried chicken, or lack-thereof. Sadly missed, that was the glue that held his character together

    Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      yeah, that was in this episode. sometimes i have to skim over things because there’s just so much to shit on. every now and again i skim over a moment that stands out in someone’s memory and i feel a little bit bad about it.

      Like

      • Jae says:

        This was ingrained in my memory so badly, that when I was pregnant I was constantly worried about turning into some asshole demanding super random food while manipulating my husband into resentment.
        Thankfully, pregnancy cravings were greatly exaggerated. If only someone had explained that to me as a kid.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Ocean Doot says:

    “Rickory dickory dock!” The only thing I remember about this episode was the ripping-off-the-Rob-Schneider-bit.

    I suppose you could charitably call it an homage. Aren’t they kind of acknowledging the source material by having Stephanie riff on the name “Rick” of all names? (The character was named Richard on SNL, right?)

    Like

  13. Allison says:

    Well, Danny’s room and Jesse’s apartment each have a bathroom. So it’s not like there’s a shortage of bathrooms in the Full House.

    Like

  14. Ruby Lee says:

    Did Joey’s life-sized, plastic, identically-dressed duplicate get his own spin-off show? He’s never around anymore, but it’s hard to believe he was written out of the series without so much as a going away party in the living room.

    Like

  15. Kate says:

    Can you please publish this blog into a coffee table book? It’s amazing. Thank you for doing what you do.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Erica says:

    I just wanted to say that I finally finished reading all of the reviews as of right now, and I am simply in awe. You rock — I can’t wait to keep up with this every Friday!

    Like

  17. Zozo says:

    You know I love this blog, right? And so what I say, I am saying with mucho love. However, it seems there were more spelling and grammar mistakes in this entry than usual. I understand that you were probably in a hurry to get done writing this lame episode before you had to puke from the grotesqueness of it, but good spelling and grammar are more pleasing to the eye. I’d be happy to proofread. I enjoy reading these. Please keep up the good work.

    Like

  18. Andrew says:

    I’m finally caught up after discovering the site a few weeks ago.

    This is brilliant, sir. I applaud you.

    Also it seems that asshole parthenons has died out. I want to bring it back. Let’s do this.

    Like

  19. LiveStudioAudience says:

    I, too, just finished reading through all the archives; I’m sure you are getting tired of the onslaught of similar comments, but I still have to say it: hats off to you, sir! This is the funniest shit I’ve read in a long time; I just wish I hadn’t gotten caught up to the most recent review in a few days, because now comes the agonizing wait each week! Have mercy!

    Like

  20. Nicky says:

    should’ve showed –> shown
    girl’s room –> girls’
    Kimmie –> Kimmy
    stupid looking kid –> stupid-looking
    Stephanie wont –> won’t
    schtick.) –> no full stop
    friend chicken –> fried
    measure’s –> measures
    first episode, where DJ –> in which DJ
    they wont be –> won’t
    more effective if DJ has –> had

    Like

  21. Christie says:

    Is it me, or does “Rick’s” profile look disturbingly like Candace Cameron’s real-life bro (and full-time crazy person), Kirk?

    Like

  22. Multirachael says:

    “Stephanie barges in and starts addressing Rick by plagiarizing Rob Schneider’s annoying SNL schtick where he would say a million annoying variations on everyone’s names… and proceeds to salt DJ’s already rickety game until Rick finally cuts out.”

    Did she ever use “rickety” as an annoying variation of his name? Because if she didn’t she should have. You just one-upped her, homeslice.

    Like

  23. “If he really wanted to scare her, he should’ve showed her a picture of herself from the year 2012, where she’s only a foot taller and weighs the same.”

    OMG amazing!

    “While the three of them study in the girl’s room, Kimmie Gibbler plays wingman for DJ while she tries to put the moves on some stupid looking kid named Rick.”

    Dude, Rick looks like he’s 30 years old in that screen cap. What’s up with that?

    “He dumps all the bags of chips all over the table as if to say that the joke about her being pregnant and eating a lot was too understated in the last episode so now they have to overdo it as much as possible.”

    Seriously, that’s like 40 bucks worth of chips, even back in the early ‘90s. Whatever, its Rebecca Donaldson-Cochran-Katsopolis’ money, so what does Jesse care?

    Like

  24. Nerf says:

    the carpeting in the bathroom bit had me rolling.

    Like

  25. Jade says:

    lol you said “Friend” chicken not “Fried” chicken

    Like

  26. TayciBear says:

    These writers apparently have never been around pregnant women. We get so hungry because the baby scrunches everything so we can only eat a tiny bit at a time.

    Like

  27. kp199 says:

    Ugh, the thought of throwing my bed blankets into a tub where Joey and Danny spunk all over, makes me gag.

    Like

  28. Corey says:

    I remember the scene where Michelle tries to open the chips, then laments, “Aw, nuts! Childproof!” Yes, childproof chips. I guess we are to assume that Jesse bought the brand of chips laced with opiates.

    It also bothers me that anytime Joey or Danny pursue a woman, they are successful. There is the occasional storyline where they go for the same girl and one has to lose, but basically every time a hot piece of ass enters the scene, you can bet she wants to fuck one of those losers. Are we really expected to buy that?

    Like

  29. smallwonderrobot says:

    man i’m losing it at work over Danny trying to rub one out

    Like

  30. The Venerable Bede says:

    In the fourth screen cap from the bottom, the guy in the background looks kinda like Tom Hanks.

    Like

  31. ” I guess that settled it, although I still think it would have been more effective if DJ had just started shitting in the toilet to drive her out of there.”

    Like

  32. catwalkspy says:

    I love how the writers make it a point to represent every race and culture in the pregnancy class. It’s like the Model UN up in there.

    Like

  33. Slim says:

    Why is Joey wearing a Detroit jersey to a Golden State Warriors game ??? Wears his blue and gold?

    Like

  34. Kenny says:

    Stephanie remains uncooperative until the music comes on as she tells DJ how much she’s valued invading her personal space over the years. She says that she’ll miss the comfort of listening in on her conversations and being lulled to sleep by the mysterious vibrations that emanate from under her covers at night. DJ tells her that she can still invade her personal space even though they won’t be sharing a room anymore and then there are hugs. I guess that settled it, although I still think it would have been more effective if DJ had just started shitting in the toilet to drive her out of there.

    LMFAO!

    Like

  35. RaikoLives says:

    “Danny comes into the bathroom to rub one out but is deterred by the presence of his three arguing daughters.” – This, sir, is pure gold.

    “… and then Danny tells her that he’s confident that she can work it out herself and then leaves the bathroom so he can go rub one out in the hall closet instead.” – This part is pure gravy. It’s almost 2am and I’m sure I just woke up our neighbours with my laughing.

    Like

  36. williec29 says:

    I was also fond of the nurse from SBTB. I think because she got all sexied up for Zack to scare him off. Nice!!

    Like

  37. Ashley says:

    Normally as a kid I never had any issues with Stephanie, but wow she was over the top in this episode. Although now I am viewing her as an adult now instead of a kid. I was Michelle’s age when this show was on, so I always liked DJ and Stephanie just because they were older. I always looked up to older people. I wanted to slap her in this episode though. No wonder neither DJ or Michelle wanted her as a roommate. She was actually worse than Michelle or Joey, and that’s usually hard.

    Like

  38. Jeanne says:

    I like how Jesse is ready with a glass of water before he even knows Michelle has hiccups. I mean she’s gotta be 5 at this point, and she’s never had hiccups?
    “If he really wanted to scare her, he should’ve shown her a picture of herself from the year 2012, where she’s only a foot taller and weighs the same.” -amazing.
    I always love seeing “products” on TV. The chips here are literally called “chips,” but since it’s full house at least the lack of creativity is understandable.
    I believe the carpeting in the bathroom was always there.. Because having carpeting in a bathroom makes perfect sense.
    This is one of my fave episode reviews thus far.

    Like

  39. kt says:

    Growing up, we lived in a house built in the 70’s and it had carpet in the bathroom too. Stupidest idea ever. The air just felt wet and there was always a faint moldy smell. The area in front of the tub was permanently wet from stepping out of the shower because we just used a towel there but of course the towel didn’t do much to stop all the water from getting to the carpet. Seriously, who the fuck had the brilliant idea to put carpet in a bathroom??

    Like

  40. Bubba the Turtle says:

    “She says that she’ll miss the comfort of listening in on her conversations and being lulled to sleep by the mysterious vibrations that emanate from under her covers at night.”

    That’s gold, Jerry…gold!

    Like

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