Oh, sweet, a clips show! I’ve been waiting for one of these! I’m surprised that such a hackneyed series waited until the 5th Season to bust one out. I’ve been looking forward to a clips show because it’s basically a get-out-of-jail-free-card for me. There’s probably about 5 minutes worth of new material here and they don’t even have a pre-credits gag. The flimsy framing device is that it’s Michelle’s 5th birthday and they’re all reminiscing about how great she is.
It’s basically a look-back at the old baby before some new ugly babies become the focus of exploitation for the series. The worst part of the episode is towards the end when they play a Ray Charles rendition of “You Are So Beautiful” over a montage of her growing up. It’s the stuff of nightmares, I tell ya! Anyway, I’m not gonna sit here and describe a bunch of clips from episodes that I’ve already wasted too much of my life writing about so I guess I’ll spend a little more time reading a book or enjoying precious moments with my loved ones or something this week. But first I thought I’d at least offer you guys something since you probably still have that 20 minutes to kill at your desk job, so I went back and looked through all my old screencaps and put my favorite ones together. So here it is, the Full House Reviewed clips show:
Remember when Danny made out with his mom? It was right before Joey moved in.
Remember when everyone used to stare at Jesse when he was making out with chicks? He used to get so much pussy!
I miss Bubba so much.
Why was he standing like that?
Remember when the uncles used chicken pox as an excuse to rub their bodies together? Things were a lot more repressed in the full house back then.
I don’t know if anyone else remembers the time that Danny sang a song about tuna fish and soup, but I sure do.
This is my favorite screencap ever.
This reminds me that if you’re ever having a bad day you should read the comments section of an Enya video on Youtube.
Danny used to always look like he was going to have sex with everybody. He still does it, but not as much.
This was a really serious scene.
Someone got paid a lot of money to make her hair look like that.
See, later on everything was a lot more out in the open.
It’s that muthafucka Duckface!
The first appearance of Kimmie Gibbler’s stinky feet.
Remember when Stephanie ripped shit up on the dance flo’?
Remember that horrible nightmare that Michelle had?
This is like the one time that it felt like I was controlling the show with my mind.
Remember when DJ said, “Dur! Dur! Dur! Dur!”
Remember when Joey got raped in prison?
I can’t think of a better single image that summarizes what this show is like.
Remember when they showed a way better show?
YES! KILL HER!!!
That’s pretty much what it looks like inside of my mind, too.
Like two succulent hams, pressed together.
That’s supposed to be promotional artwork for an animated series.
Danny’s a really shitty father.
Looking back on all these moments makes me realize that this show is way shittier in Season 5 than it was at the beginning. Back when I started writing this blog I didn’t see how that could be possible. How naive I was. How tragically naive.
Firsts: Clip show