Season 5, Episode 21, “Yours, Mine and Ours”

Everyone in the full house is all cranky and bickering so Danny decides to institute a Tanner family fun night to bring them all together.  Man, we haven’t seen Tanner family fun night since like the first Season or something.  It’s weird how the Tanner’s now consist of Danny, his daughters, and for some reason, Joey.  I mean, I know it’s ridiculous that Jesse and his wife and children all still live in the attic, but at least they’ve kind of got their own shit going on. This Joey guy’s just hanging out for like no reason, and his biggest development since moving into the full house is that he carries a woodchuck puppet around all the time now.  What a piece of shit!

Becky and Jesse enter the living room and get into an argument about how to raise their incredibly boring children.  Danny invites them to Tanner family fun night but they decline in favor of having a really lame subplot about their stupid mashed potato babies.

Naturally, Tanner family fun night takes place at the most ridiculous fucking restaurant imaginable.  It’s pirate themed, you guys.  PIRATE THEMED!  Their waiter is played by that comedian, Bruce Baum, who’s actually had a few other bit parts sprinkled throughout the series.

Everyone pretty much hates the restaurant, which I wasn’t sure whether to expect because who the fuck knows what these people think is cool?  DJ gets all freaked out about the possibility of being seen there by kids from school and then the waiter only takes orders from like 2 of them before leaving abruptly.

Danny makes everyone put on pirate hats and then the waiter comes back.  Stephanie orders some sort of elaborate, expensive seafood assortment and Michelle orders chocolate cake and nobody tries to stop either of them.  And then the fucking waiter abruptly leaves again!  He just says, “excuse me” and walks away!  I guess they do it for staging reasons, because a bunch of kids from DJ’s school walk by and the focus shifts to her not wanting to be seen by them, but even still, what the fuck?  Waiters do not order incrementally.

Jesse comes home and Becky gives him shit about taking one of the babies out without a hat on.  Jesse’s like, “of course I didn’t do the one thing you asked me to.  That’s, like, my whole thing.” and then the fighting escalates until they end up both calling their mothers.  I’m kind of surprised to see Becky putting up a fight here.  For the last bunch of episodes it really seemed like she’d given up completely.

After Jesse insults Becky’s mom over the phone and then hangs up on her, he goes into a big tirade about how he’s a better parent than Becky is.  The fucking nerve of this guy!  Anyway, they speculate about what would happen if they each raised one of the twins on their own, which leads to a fantasy dream sequence.

In the fantasy dream sequence, Alex is a total punk bitch after being coddled by Becky.

Jesse’s all paunchy and has hair plugs even though he’s actually older in real life now than he would be in this fantasy dream sequence and still looks pretty good, and also how could she possibly stay married to him if he aged poorly?  There’s also this really weird gag about how his pants don’t fit that I don’t even understand at all.

So then we see Nicky, who’s some fucked up biker guy after being raised by Jesse.  How’d he even get a motorcycle in his room?  And why would he want to?  Anyway, after the fantasy about how shitty their kids are going to turn out, Becky and Jesse continue to argue until she discovers that one of the babies is sick and the scene takes a serious, sobering tone.

Everyone continues to have a terrible time at the pirate restaurant.  DJ is humiliated when kids from school see her there with her lame family, Stephanie hates the expensive food she’s ordered, Michelle’s pissed that she can’t have chocolate cake, and Joey’s food wont come for some reason.  When the waiter finally does bring his food, he recognizes Joey as Ranger Joe and immediately alerts a bunch of kids in the restaurant to come bother him.  What a shitty waiter!

So Danny finally acknowledges that his family is having a really shitty time and decides to leave.  Suddenly and without logic or reason, the waiter grabs Danny and tells him that since the weird shit that Stephanie ordered wasn’t all eaten, he has to “walk the plank.”  A big bell goes off and lights flash as Danny is escorted against his will to a big plank above a ball pit.  No, but really though, is there actually any restaurant on Earth that’s like this?  I don’t even know what they’re going for here.

Before walking the plank, Danny insists on giving a big lame speech to the whole restaurant about how he just wanted to have a fun night out with his corny family.  Stephanie is so touched by his contrivances that she offers to walk the plank instead, and then each of the rest of the family members follow suit.  After each family member has had an opportunity to bother everyone in the restaurant, they feel a new sense of family togetherness and joyously jump into the ball pit.  Tanner family fun night!

Becky and Jesse wait around with their sick baby for the doctor to call.  When he finally does he doesn’t really have anything to tell them because a sick baby’s no big deal.  They put the baby down and then he’s not sick anymore all of a sudden for some miraculous reason and then gentle music comes on as Becky and Jesse agree to listen instead of argue.

This is probably the most incidental episode of Full House ever.  The Tanner’s went out to dinner and Jesse and Becky argued about how to raise their kids.  That’s like 2 B-stories at best.  It’s also interesting to me that they seemed to be trying to make the Tanner’s seem less corny or something by showing them having a shitty time.  Well, I didn’t buy it for a second.  Those fucks are the corniest bunch of cobs that ever lived.  They make the Brady Bunch look like the fucking Rat Pack.


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59 Responses to Season 5, Episode 21, “Yours, Mine and Ours”

  1. Hebrewersfan says:

    “Those fucks are the corniest bunch of cobs that ever lived.”

    Best one-sentence description for this show I’ve ever seen.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. SZA says:

    What is that on Joey’s dinner plate? Did he order pancakes & sausage at a seafood restaurant???


    • Moe Greene says:

      …and why is Stephanie holding a mangled penis? Seriously, guys, what kind of restaurant IS THIS???


      • Lisa says:

        I’ve been reading her autobiography and it seems like she’s held a lot of mangled penises since this episode. In all seriousness, being a child star really fucked her up. She kissed at least five guys on screen during the course of this show and the show ended when she was 13.


      • Melanie says:

        It’s kind of perverse how much making out there is on this show in general. And honestly is opened mouth kissing a thing people do in front of small children?


      • Stacy Hirsh says:

        Ahahahaha”wht is Stephanie holding a mangled penis?” that is funny!😀


    • John Q says:

      Yeah, Joey is eating pancakes and german sausage and they never really explain why they would have this at a seafood restaurant. And there’s some odd & lame running gag about Joey’s food not coming out and then when it finally does some kid sneezes on it.


      • Kona says:

        Why wouldn’t they? There are meals that don’t contain seafood in case a family member or friend can’t eat it.


  3. cerebralPaulz says:

    I was just saying last week that these episodes have devolved away from any kind of story arc. You used to wonder how this would get worse, well here you go. They stopped writing stories and just have the actors play house.


  4. SZA says:

    I am betting this entire episode stemmed from a single question posited by a cigar-munching script writer during a brainstorm session in a smoke-filled conference room:

    “How can we get those Tanners into a ball pit together?”


  5. motoxchick says:

    I was hoping that was a real shark heading for Danny’s leg, but alas sharks can’t survive in a tank filled with plastic whiffle balls.

    And WTF is up with Joey’s shirt? Did they run out of fabric during manufacture, or did someone actually design a shirt that screams “I HAD NO IDEA THIS SHIRT WOULD LOOK SO SHITTY, IT OBVIOUSLY LOOKED GREAT ON THE MANNEQUIN.” I guess I can thank my lucky stars he didn’t show up at the stupid pirate restaurant in his Ranger Joe uniform though.


  6. Mike Brown says:

    That is by far one of the creepiest dream sequences I have ever seen. And I don’t get the pants not fitting either.


    • Mario Speedwagon says:

      Could the pants thing be because he wants desperately to wear the pants in the relationship but is clearly failing at it?

      Liked by 1 person

    • John Q says:

      I think the pants bit is a reference to a time when men used to wear their trousers up to their belly button. Think of Fred Mertz on I love Lucy. When blue jeans became popular for casual/everyday wear after WW2, men’s started wearing their trousers/pants at the hip level.

      So it was still kind of common to see an old man wearing his pants at the belly button in the 70’s-80’s.


  7. Teebore says:

    It’s pirate themed, you guys. PIRATE THEMED!

    I wish a restaurant like that existed in the real world. I’d eat there and not care who saw me.

    Becky gives him shit about taking one of the babies out without a hat on.

    Was the hat somehow uncool? I bet the hat was uncool.

    DJ is humiliated when kids from school see her there with her lame family

    Um, they were at the same restaurant, so they couldn’t have that much ground to stand on.

    When he finally does he doesn’t really have anything to tell them because a sick baby’s no big deal.

    Also, he must be an amazing diagnostician, being able to tell them that without ever actually seeing the child.


    • Billy Superstar says:

      teebore, when this project’s over, you and me are going out to dinner at a pirate themed restaurant!


      • Rebecca says:

        DJ’s friends eat at a lameoid pirate-themed restaurant, but at least they go there with their kick-ass friends and not their cornball family.


      • Rebecca says:

        Sorry for the double reply, but this didn’t occur to me until after submitting. But maybe her friends are there ironically, and she’s afraid they’ll laugh at her for being there sincerely.


      • Lisa says:

        They mentioned in the episode that they were just there to make fun of the families that go there, so you are right.


      • Corey says:

        So, we have Full House to thank for hipsters? It just keeps getting worse and worse…


      • Dr. Bitz says:

        Wait, really? The kids go to stupid theme restaurants solely to make fun of people? That’s some dedicated bullying right there. Why wouldn’t the restaurant have an issue with this?

        Also, thank God for spell checker. I don’t think I’ve ever successfully spelled restaurant in my life.


      • Teebore says:

        Wow, that is indeed some dedicated bullying. My hats off you, random proto hipsters from DJ’s school.


  8. Bridget says:

    In regards to her baby son, Rebecca stood up to Jesse because he kept saying that the baby should suck it up and act like a man which is ridiculous. Little kids who are sick and miserable don’t understand why their bodies are acting up on them. Even grown people who have lived inside their bodies for decades have a hard time dealing with it when their bodies crap out on them. Many like Davy Jones think it is indigestion when it’s a fatal disease. As for the restaurant, hasn’t Danny ever heard of a buffet?


  9. PuppetDoctor says:

    Why would DJ be afraid to be seen at the restaurant because her friends may be there? Wouldn’t her friends be embarassed as well. The whole thing makes no sense.


    • Moe Greene says:

      I have to admit, when I was DJ’s age, I had those same fears. Looking back, it was quite silly.


    • Angela says:

      I always wondered about that, too. I know they’re supposed to be the “cool” kids and all, but still… Plus, what the hell kind of friends are those who make fun of you for being dragged somewhere you clearly don’t want to be to begin with?

      Bah. Anywho, only other thing I’ll say about this episode: I like Rebecca’s big ol’ red sweater. It’s pretty.


  10. I’m not sure which episode shows less effort on the part of the writers, this one, or a fucking clips show episode.


  11. navarro says:

    Oh wait until the episode where Michelle thinks her feet are too big. yup that’s the whole plot


  12. JerrBear says:

    Don’t you wish that ball pit was one of the ball pits hiding junkie needles and used baby diapers?


  13. Penny says:

    What also gets me — the Pirate recognized Joey as Ranger Joe, but not Danny from Wake Up, San Francisco? Seems Danny would be easier to spot than Joey out of uniform and that stupid woodchuck on his hand. But what do I know.

    Also, what kid gets an entire chocolate cake for their birthday at a seafood restaurant, not to mention can eat the whole thing? Seeing the way the dads spoil Michelle, I’m surprised they couldn’t just do the same for her.


  14. Jessica says:

    God, Michelle always has her face buried in cake, no wonder Mary-Kate had an eating disorder.


    • snb19 says:

      Exactly! Imagine being a young girl from the ages of infancy to adolescence and every time you take a bite of anything an entire room full of people laughs at you. Full house ruins lives!!


  15. Recovering Fan says:

    Nooo! I’m the next in line in the group of “I just got caught up and now what”s. For the last few weeks, I read a few entries a day, and now that’s it.

    I was sending excerpts I found particularly hilarious to my sister, only to find I’d be doing that all day! She’s just gotta read it herself.

    Also, I’ve dressed like DJ before. I hope I wasn’t getting hints from the show.


  16. Ian says:

    Jesse’s has never made any goddamn sense to me. He’s like a off-brand Danny Zuko but also a white-trash biker, and the only thing those two cultures have in common is they’re on motorcycles sometimes.

    Also, Elvis has not been a signifier of rebellion since the late fifties, so the person writing these shows must have been old enough to feel threatened by Elvis in his heyday, which would make him what, eighty?

    Octogenarian writer, come to think of it, is the best explanation for pretty much every aspect of this show, right down to the non-sensical, disjointed plot lines and prudish professed morality undercut by odd fascination with pre-teen sexuality.


  17. morelikefoolhouse says:

    Didn’t Will Smith work at a cheesy pirate-themed restaurant for a few episodes of Fresh Prince? I know what was in Bel Air (or somewhere shitty in LA), but maybe it was some alternate-TV-reality chain business.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Dalya says:

    The teenage twins have gone on to much better things. They are in an avant garde metal band by the name of Stolen Babies. You may have already known this, but if not, you should check them out.


    • Pasghetti says:

      Thank you SO much for enlightening me about Stolen Babies! I ran across this comment a few months back and have been listening to their music everyday ever since. Simply amazing. Who thought there’d be actual talent on this show?


      • Ollie Hondro says:

        I, too, am so glad you mentioned this! I looked them up and saw that they are influenced by, are friends with and have recorded with members of Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, who I love. I must check them out!


  19. Dawn says:

    “Those fucks r the corniest bunch of cobs that ever lived” lmfao! I love You! That’s up there with the 1st time u blessed me with the use of ‘jammy’ FHR vocab I love it : ) One thing Everyone knows how u take a baby’s temp. At the end wen Becky looks at the thermometer & says ‘the temp is down!’ It just sickened me the way the two of them wer handling that thing & hugging each other wiping the rectal goo on each others back! Maybe I’m looking too much into it or maybe FHR has really corrupted the way I watch this show LOL


  20. Jenny says:

    The best line of this episode is spoke by Jessie: “If he has a diaper rash, he needs to take it like a man” lol The best part is that there wasn’t even a laugh track after he said it.


  21. Odotry says:

    In the 7th screenshot, Stephanie is finally introduced to tentacle porn.


  22. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    I actually felt bad for the little princess when Shaquana denied her the cake. You don’t do that to the lil’ princess.

    Had they had iPhones back in 1992, I would’ve called immigration on that young lady.


    • Bridget says:

      LT, the girl’s name was Sarah or Sara without the H. Do you remember the pirates coming to the table the Tanners were sitting at and they started to sing, “Happy Birthday, dear Sarah” to Michelle until Stephanie said, “Her name’s not Sarah.”. They took the cake away and Michelle told Stephanie she had a big mouth. Michelle asked the little black birthday girl Sarah if she was going to eat that huge chocolate cake and Sarah nodded.


      • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

        I just watched the episode again. Her name WAS Sarah. Thank you for saving my soul.

        In actuality, I blame Dawn for ratting out the little princess by saying that her name wasn’t “Sarah.” Yes, it was. Michelle’s name is Sarah. Sarah likes chocolate cake, so for TFFN, Michelle gets to be Sarah. I don’t see how that’s so hard for a wait staff to ascertain.


      • Lisa says:

        Are these people for real?


  23. Martin Tanner's Ghost says:

    The Tanners are cornier than my shit.


  24. Anoyomous says:

    You know that episode title was the title of a movie Yours Mine and Ours, It was about a widower with 10 kids who married a widow with 8 kids. the first movie was made in 1968, the second remake was 10 years ago in 2005 That was based on a true story! Anyways I hated this episode as a kid who goes to a sea food restaurant and orders pancakes there? It makes no sense

    and what the hell was on Stephanie’s plate?


  25. Stacy Hirsh says:

    Jesse is looking really “hung” in the third picture hehe. ;P


  26. I found this blog a few weeks ago when I was attempting to go back through old Full House episodes around the time Fuller House came out. I’ve made it this far and finally joined – because this episode is one that I remember vividly from childhood, but only because this restaurant looks amazing and I want to eat a pirate themed meal and jump in a ball pit.


  27. I kind of like the idea of Jesse and Becky arguing over how to raise the twins and imagining what each kid would be like if raised by the other parent. I think lots of parents find that reality slaps them hard when they’re sleep-deprived and one of them thinks the other one is too strict and tries to make up for it by being too lenient. At least this scene injected some humor.


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