Season 6, Episode 4, “Radio Days”

Pre-Credits Gag:  It’s just some inane pandering scene with Michelle and the new babies.  I thought I’d take this opportunity to mention that I think I may have been a little quick to call the new babies hideous.  The original babies that played Nicky and Alex last Season were definitely pretty potato-like in their appearance, but I wouldn’t really call them hideous, and these new kids aren’t even really all that bad.  The main reason I feel a need to point this out is that I think that being all free and loose with insulting the appearance of the new babies on this show really detracts from what a legitimately ugly baby Michelle was.  I remember being hesitant to point out how unsightly she was back in the early days since it seemed like a pretty mean thing to do, but that was over 100 episodes of Full House ago, before my heart turned to shit.  Nowadays I can’t wait to call a baby hideous,  but every now and then I have a moment of clarity and am able to step back and view things with less than overwhelming hatred.  So, for the record:  Baby Michelle:  legitimately ugly.  Replacement Baby Nicky and Alex:  Not really all that bad.

Stephanie wont let Michelle help her with the short story she’s writing, so Michelle feels sorry for herself and the audience goes, “aww.”  Such heavy-handed emotional pandering, not 3 minutes into the episode?  That might be a record.  Anyway, Stephanie reads her story to everyone and they all agree that it sucks dick.  Becky suggests that Stephanie writes about something she knows and then Steve, DJ and Kimmie Gibbler all walk in as DJ busts Steve’s balls about giving Kathie Santoni a ride home.  I’ve gotta back DJ on this one.  Kathy Santoni has big titties and is loose with boys.  Steve should not be driving her home.

Jesse comes in and tells everyone that he’s gonna be interviewed on the radio because he’s doing some sort of a benefit concert.  Danny mentions that the radio station is looking for a new DJ and Jesse says that he’s going to try to get the job because he’s always wanted to be a DJ, ever since he was a little kid.  Wait, what?  I thought his dream was to be a terrible musician, which he finally kind of became successful at last episode and then immediately gave up to be with his family.  Now he’s always wanted to be a radio DJ?  Man, whatever.  Oh yeah also Joey is pissed because they’re trying to force him to have a co-host on the Ranger Joe Show.

Stephanie listens in on DJ and Steve as DJ’s all, “come on, Steve, whose titties are better, mine or Kathie Santoni’s?  You can be honest.  I wont get mad.  Who has better titties?” and then Steve manages to convince her that he doesn’t actually want to bang Kathie Santoni so they get back to studying.  Oh, man, they’re actually studying up in DJ’s room?  Shit, no wonder he’s giving Kathie Santoni rides home.

On the set of the Ranger Joe Show, Joey meets his new co-host, Jungle Jenny, and immediately hates her guts.  She wants to do all this stuff with the show that Joey’s not down with so Joey complains to Mr. Strowbridge, who explains that Jungle Jenny’s his wife so he’s gonna let her do whatever she wants.  Dang, it’s kind of amazing that Mr. Strowbridge is still making sporadic appearances on this show.  He and Kathie Santoni, whose titties were mentioned just moments ago, are like the champions of Full House tertiary characters.

Just before Jesse goes on the air, Joey meets him down at the radio station to give him some bro love and complain about Jungle Jenny.  Jesse mentions again that he really wants to be a radio DJ and then he goes into the booth for his interview.  About 30 seconds into it, the host is like, “hey, who’s your friend lurking outside?” and Jesse says that it’s his hilarious friend Joey so the host invites him to be a part of the interview.  Don’t you love it when radio interview shows bring in people who are lurking in the hallway?  Happens all the time.  So then Joey upstages Jesse by making a bunch of jokes about his stupid hair and then Jesse gets all pissed.

The two of them are left alone after their interview and Jesse starts getting all up in Joey’s grill about ruining his big dream of being a radio DJ.  Joey gets defensive and walks out, but not before things escalate to the point where they are exchanging the hurtful names “Dippity-doo head” and “Bullwinkle-brain.”  As soon as Joey’s gone, the radio show hosts comes back in and says that the audience reaction to the interview was so positive that they want Jesse to be their new DJ.  Jesse is elated by this news until the host adds that they only want Jesse if Joey will be his co-host.  It’s kind of a low-drama moment since Joey and Jesse are best friends and have worked together in the past and it’s only in this one brief particular circumstance that Jesse wouldn’t want to work with him.  This might just be the most easily resolved dramatic act-break so far.

Later, back at the full house, Jesse goes into Joey’s creepy room and tries to make peace with him by bringing him ice cream.  As soon as they patch things up, Jesse mentions the radio show gig and then Joey gets all mad for no clear reason.  I guess because Jesse’s only being nice to him to get him to go on the show?  It’s a pretty forced conflict, but they start arguing again regardless until Michelle comes in and tries to make them hug.  They refuse and resort once again to exchanging those deeply hurtful insults of “Bullwinkle-brain” and “Dippity-doo head.”

In an evil conspiracy to acquire material to write about, Stephanie plants a fake love note from a guy named Henry in DJ’s school book.  Steve finds it and gets hella pissed, calling DJ a “cheap whore” and a “cocksucking tramp.”  I couldn’t believe it!  The two of them take their argument upstairs while Stephanie revels in their misery and then Danny comes in and reads the story she’s writing.  He congratulates her on her creative writing and then tells her to go empty the dishwasher.  As soon as she’s gone, DJ and Steve come back downstairs and continue their argument and then Danny recognizes the circumstances of it from Stephanie’s short story.

Jungle Jenny shows up on the Ranger Joe show and immediately starts giving Joey a hard time.  Hey, who are all these kids?  They just recently established that the kids on the Ranger Joe show are all Michelle’s friends, but she’s still there and I don’t recognize any of the other kids.  Where’s Aaron Bailey when you need him?

Steve and DJ decide to get back at Stephanie by pretending that they’re going to resolve their conflict by getting married.  Why doesn’t DJ just hold Stephanie down and act like she’s gonna spit in her face and then suck it back up at the last second, like a real big sister gets revenge?  Anyway, Danny comes downstairs and Stephanie tells him what’s going on but he’s in on the joke so they all play up the impending nuptials as a cause for celebration.

After Stephanie experiences a range of shocked emotions at this preposterous circumstance that she couldn’t possibly care about or take seriously, the music comes on as Danny explains that they were just fucking with her and it’s not cool to manipulate people for story purposes even though that’s all this show ever does.  Remember that “aww” 3 minutes into the episode?  Also, it’s kinda odd that they’d bust out the music for a b-story like this, especially when the moral is so esoteric.  But at least Steve has proven himself as corny enough to fit right into the full house and all of the zany schemes within it, so much so that Danny and Steve celebrate by making corndogs.

Jungle Jenny runs rampant on the set of the Ranger Joe Show, which apparently has no script or rehearsals whatsoever.  Seriously, this scene plays out like a power struggle at a daycare center, and yet it is supposed to be televised programming.  Jungle Jenny leaves Joey tied up upside down at the end of the show and then Mr. Strowbridge walks onto the set and doesn’t try at all to help him get down.  Joey tells Mr. Strowbridge that he’s going to have to fire either himself or Jungle Jenny, which brings about the end of the Ranger Joe show.  Really, that’s it?  I thought that shit was gonna go on for the rest of the series.  Oh well, I can’t say I’ll miss it.

Back at the full house, Joey tells Jesse that his humiliating experience on the Ranger Joe show has taught him not to be such an antagonistic asshole.  The music comes on again as they rekindle their flaming boners for one another and agree to start a new career as radio DJ’s.  Hey, that’s two musics in a single episode.  What the fuck?  Was that first lesson not valuable enough or something?  I also find it pretty irritating how these two worthless pieces of shit can just stumble their way through life, ending up in one successful career after another.  I bet Jesse could take a shit in a public toilet and then get hired to be the official public toilet shitter of San Francisco or something.  What a tremendous insult to every hardworking person on the planet.