Season 6, Episode 6, “Educating Jesse”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Pretty much all of the pre-credits gags now have to do with someone in the full house doing something with the twins before Michelle comes in and says some dumb ass nonsense.  This time it’s Joey.

DJ and Kimmie Gibbler are working on a stay-in-school campaign and make the preposterous claim that all of their friends at school listen to Jesse and Joey’s shitty radio show so they ask them to be spokesmen for an event.  Jesse refuses to help out and everybody’s like, “what the fuck?  He never says no to anything.  Usually he just shows up and does a terrible job.”

Michelle tells Stephanie to tie her shoes and Stephanie’s like, “bitch, it’s time for you to learn to tie your own muthafuckin shoes.”  Danny comes in and tries to teach her a shoelace tying song but before he can get very far, Stephanie starts debating the specifics of the instructional lyrics.

Michelle goes downstairs and OH MY GOD WHAT’S WRONG WITH AUNT BECKY’S HAIR!??!  Is this a dream sequence?  Why does she look like that?

Becky tries to teach Michelle a bunny-themed shoelace tying song and then Danny and Stephanie come down after having compromised on the lyrics to their own instructional song. At least I think that’s what happened.  I was too distracted by the hair.

Joey and DJ come in and are like, “hey, what the fuck’s up with Jesse?  He didn’t do something that DJ asked him to do.  Usually he’s totally down to make any event all about himself.  We thought for sure he was gonna sing ‘Forever’ again.”  Jesse comes upstairs and every single person in the full house surrounds him and is like, “why won’t you volunteer to help at DJ’s stupid stay-in-school bullshit rally?”

They’re so unwillingly to allow Jesse to abstain from providing an explanation that they actually physically block him from leaving the kitchen.  Given no alternative, Jesse admits that he dropped out of school and then he runs upstairs like a little girl as sad music plays and the audience goes, “aww.”

Ok, so let’s just go ahead and address how totally ridiculous this scenario is.  First of all, we’ve already seen Jesse attend his high school reunion, in an episode that included a flashback that took place one week before he graduated, no less.  So how are you gonna try to tell me that he never graduated?  But, hey, let’s just go ahead and acknowledge that I’m some weirdo who writes about every episode of this shitty show, so maybe normal people who watched this shit wouldn’t bother to remember something like that.  Hey, it’s ok, I get it.  So how about we turn this into a basic logic problem, where based on everyone’s ages we can determine that Jesse would have been in high school at the time that Danny married his sister, so how would Danny not know about Jesse dropping out?  It’s not like these people were respecting each others privacy in the past.  But, hey, let’s just assume that Jesse has been keeping it a secret from everybody somehow, just to keep this going.  Why would that prevent him from telling kids to stay in school?  Does he fundamentally believe that kids should not stay in school, or are we supposed to accept that he has some sort of a conscience in this one particular instance?  It’s not like being a terrible musician has ever stopped him from calling himself a musician.  I don’t buy it, you guys.  This whole scenario is nonsense.

Jesse has a very special moment with his kids where he admits to them that he’s a high school dropout and they just kind of stare off because what the fuck do they care, they’re babies.  At the end of the scene he kisses each of them and the audience goes, “aww” each time.  Shit, they sure are free and loose with those “awws” these days.

Becky asks Jesse to explain the gigantic plot hole of him being a high school dropout and he starts to tell her about a teacher he had named Mr. Pearson.  Apparently Mr. Pearson was a real ball buster, and he shamed Jesse so greatly when he was unable to recite, “Oh Captain, My Captain,” that Jesse excused himself to go to the bathroom and never came back.  Becky explains that it’s pretty easy to make up a single high school class if that’s all you need to get your diploma and urges him to go to night school so he can become a slightly less humiliating trophy husband.  Jesse struggles with the idea but since neither of them consider that he could just take a GED test, he finally decides to go back to school.  Congratulatory hugs follow.

As the family all gather together to hang a banner congratulating Jesse for going back to school, Steve comes over and asks DJ if Jesse has left for school yet.  What an awkward piece of exposition.  Why would Steve care about that at all?  It’s the first thing he says when he enters the house.  Regardless, DJ explains that Jesse’s still getting ready.  Michelle comes in and recites a shoelace tying song and then the audience bursts into applause and the whole family is like, “fuck yeah!”  Michelle explains that she has only learned the song and still doesn’t know how to tie her shoes and then Kimmie Gibbler pulls her shoe off so she can share her own shoe tying method, which results in everyone being appalled at the stinkyness of her feet.  Oh, Kimmie Gibbler’s stinky feet!  It’s been a while!

Jesse comes downstairs on his way to night school, which would have been really confusing if Steve hadn’t asked about him earlier.  Jesse tells everyone that he memorized “Oh Captain, My Captain” in anticipation for his first day back at school and then everyone tells him that they’re really proud of him because that’s what you tell a sorry ass loser when he’s trying to achieve some meager pathetic goal.

One of the other students in Jesse’s class recognizes him from Jesse and the Rippers, which prompts Jesse to get up and demonstrate some of his stage moves.  He’s so involved in his demonstration that he pays the teacher no mind when he comes into the classroom, but once Jesse sees who it is he’s quite dismayed.  Hey guys, before I move on, I want you to guess who Jesse’s teacher is.  No, really, guess.  Who could it possibly be?

It’s Mr. Pearson, the teacher who convinced Jesse to drop out.  Seriously, who the fuck else could it have been?  Let’s just skip all of the conceivable logic problems about this guy being Jesse’s night school teacher and move on to the fact that this course seems to be pretty far along as Jesse’s entering it.  Can you just sign up in the middle of the course like that?  Well, whatever, the real problem here is that Jesse says everything out loud that he writes down and constantly interrupts with inane questions.  Mr. Pearson points out what an annoying pain in the ass Jesse is and then he gives him an outline for all of his upcoming coursework.  For some reason this prompts Jesse to stand up in front of the class and recite, “Oh Captain, My Captain,” I guess because it’s the only thing he knows.

Mr. Pearson asks Jesse to explain the meaning of the poem and then Jesse is humiliated in front of everyone when it’s made clear that he has no idea.  Jesse feels himself reliving his old days of being dissed by Mr. Pearson so he decides to make the same childish move by leaving class and never coming back.  You know what would have made this whole problem easily avoidable?  If Jesse had just shut the fuck up and sat in his chair like you’re supposed to do in school.  He totally did this to himself by being such a loudmouth and drawing all that negative attention.  I’m amazed that we’re supposed to believe that this is the only class that he had trouble with back in high school.  Every single person in that classroom is better off if he never comes back.

Back at the full house, Michelle tries to hold her shoelaces together with bubblegum and Danny tells her that she’d better keep practicing her shoe tying.  DJ and Kimmie Gibbler can’t agree on a stay-in-school slogan so they make everyone vote on whose is better.  Everyone picks DJ’s, which makes it seem kind of unfair that the voting is entirely determined by DJ’s family.  Actually, the only person that doesn’t pick DJ’s slogan is Steve, presumably because he had nothing to lose.  It’s not like DJ can get mad and withhold all those blow jobs she never gives him.

Jesse comes home and tells the whole family that he hates school and he’s never going back.  Never!  As he’s heading upstairs to cry and not take care of his children, he finds Michelle throwing all of her shoes into the hallway.

Jesse goes into Michelle’s room and finds out that she’s going to quit learning how to tie her shoes even though there was just a scene of her saying that she was going to keep practicing like 2 minutes earlier and she didn’t even seem upset or discouraged at all.  Jesse says that it’s fucking lame to be a quitter and then the music comes on as he realizes that he shouldn’t quit night school, just like Michelle shouldn’t quit learning how to tie her shoes.  Man, that’s kind of a stretch.  That’s really what makes him decide to go back?  That’s like the most uninspired stitching together of plot threads ever.

I wonder if they’ll ever mention Jesse going back to school ever again.  I also wonder if these quick fix lessons about not quitting and shit like that will ever evolve into the actual practical lessons that these fucking people need to learn, like how to shut the fuck up for 5 minutes and stop bothering everyone.  When’s that very special episode going to happen?

Firsts:  Apparently we’re supposed to believe that Jesse never graduated from high school

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62 Responses to Season 6, Episode 6, “Educating Jesse”

  1. Bridget says:

    When I was in school, I wanted to go up and tell those kids who tormented me in class to shut the hell up so I could concentrate and how unfair they are being to themselves as well because they are denying themselves something they should learn as well.


  2. Jordan says:

    I really believe that, despite not actually being able to recall seeing this episode when it was airing back in the day, this has to be the worst episode.

    Has to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    • loungeshep says:

      Oh no, the series finale has to be the worst of all.


    • Tess says:

      I remember this one quite well. But I must be mixing it up with another episode in parts, because I totally thought that Jesse decides to go back to class because DJ follows him into the men’s room when he leaves the class and tells him to not give up. Does this ever happen? I swear I remember this from some episode or something.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Angela says:

        I honestly have no memory of DJ doing that. But yeah, if it did happen it must’ve been in some other episode.

        Really love the way you tried to figure out the, um…logic?…of this episode. Everyone else already discussed the bizarre storyline perfectly, so all I’ll say is this-that dollhouse you see in the background in the last screencap? I used to have that same dollhouse as a kid. I LOVED that thing.


  3. I think the writers, with this episode, have reached a new low in disregard for continuity. You’re absolutely right, they totally retconned the whole thing about Jermsey being a high-school drop out. And for what? To churn out one more episode of this shitty show? They sold their souls for that?

    Even if Jermsey actually was a highschool drop out, he would have had to drop out just before graduation, based on the past information that has been revealed about it. But if he was actually eligible for graduation, with only a week to go, even if he did drop out, I bet they would have given him his diploma anyway.

    There are many glaring plot holes in this episode, but there was one that was not pointed out that I’d like to address. Becky Donaldson-Cochran-Katsopolis says something about how if that was the only class he has to finish, it wouldn’t be that hard. Yeah, except, if he dropped out of high school, he walked out on ALL his classes, not just that one. He didn’t say he just quit going to that class and passed all his other ones, he said he fucking dropped out. So yeah, he’d have a lot of classes to make up, not just that one, and getting a GED would make the most sense.


    • Sally says:

      Yeah, and on top of all of the glaring plot holes in this episode, the thing that urks me the most (and even urked me as a child when watching this) is that this fact really affirms that he never had to have a resume to get a job! Because otherwise, wouldn’t this come up time and time again when he was trying to get a job??


      • Sarah Portland says:

        They don’t actually check that very often:/ My sister dropped out of HS, but lied to potential employers. Never got caught. Charming, huh?


      • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

        My buddy works as the Assistant Athletic Director for a local high school here in Massachusetts. He checks tooth and nail regarding any misinformation on your resume. Most kids have the attitude of “if they’re doing to exploit my labor, then I’ll just exploit theirs.”

        Fortunately, for most of you riff raffers out there, unless you put down Ivy League U. or one of the “Seven Sisters” colleges, many employers won’t check your past. As long as your resume doesn’t leave obvious red flags. In other words, don’t be an overreaching dick on your resume. You did NOT receive tenure at Colby College while working with JobCorps.


    • Allison says:

      If they wanted to do this sad excuse for a storyline, why not just have it be that Jesse dropped out of college? I mean, sure, it’s not high school which is what they wanted to campaign for, but he still would’ve lost out on an education and I think he even stated that he never went to college (could’ve gotten around that by stating he lied about that). I mean, nowadays (not as much in the 90s) a college education is highly sought after by employers and whatnot. …Not sure if I’m making sense. Full House does that to me.


    • Lisa says:

      Yeah, that’s exactly the problem I always had with this episode too! (As if there weren’t many to choose from.) Are we to believe that Jesse missed ONLY THIS ONE CLASS, sneaking in to attend all the others for the rest of the year?


  4. Ryan says:

    I think there’s an episode later in the season where everyone goes to his high school graduation. I only remember it because Michelle makes everyone take the subway and it breaks down or something.

    For some reason I remember a lot about this episode.

    When do we get to the really shitty two-part Disney one?


    • Uncle Jersey says:

      omg, I can’t wait for the disney episodes. So shitty!


    • Sully says:

      Please, please, stop giving away story lines. My favourite thing is when Billy is truely surprized by an episode’s shittiness. When he’s not surprized, he seems kinda down, like some kid who’s been kicked in the nuts. Like he really really wants things to be shitty, but then he knows how shitty it’s going to be… like the exact oposite of a good movie… ya know?


      • The Venerable Bede says:

        I agree with you, I wish people would stop with the spoilers, even if they don’t think of them as such because they assume it’s widely-known information. But only if you’re someone who’s already seen all these episodes, and Billy hasn’t!

        I feel like shit now because I mentioned Jersey being a high school dropout in a comment on a previous review because I thought it had already been mentioned on the show, but actually it had just been mentioned in the comments, so I became a fellow spoilerer.

        Oh, wait, no, I just realized that I left my comment last week, months after he wrote this review! Shit, never mind, I feel better! Never mind me.


  5. Ozymomdias says:

    This episode was the catalyst for me learning to tie my own shoes. True story.


  6. I remember this episode as the one that made me SUPER angry. I’m not even sure I watched it the first time it was on – but believe me, I remembered the one about Jesse going to his high school reunion and I was like, “the fuck?”

    In the Nevada ep where Jesse and Rebecca do not get married, Danny says that Jesse was 13 when Danny and Pam eloped. Meaning Danny DEFINITELY would have known about Jesse dropping out of high school, as he would have been part of the family by then. Unless there was some estrangement that, you know, Nick and Irene Katsopolis have never, ever referred to anytime we’ve seen them.

    God, I think way too much for this show.

    You crack me up, Billy. Keep on keepin’ on.


  7. SaCha1689 says:

    If Jessie honestly thought that class was too hard, and that teacher was a hardass, then it’s a good thing he never attempted college.


    • Allison says:

      Did he also not look at his registration papers or any other documents? Those usually have the first initial and surname of the professors/teachers. Wouldn’t it have been a huge hint he was getting that guy again if he saw (whatever) Pearson on the sheet? I guess he was too careless to look at that.😛


  8. Karen says:

    It’s not like DJ can get mad and withhold all those blow jobs she never gives him.

    Love this line.


  9. cerebralPaulz says:

    Seriously, what did that house do to Aunt Becky?


  10. Mike Brown says:

    So far there hasn’t been an episode you’ve critiqued that I have not remembered. And boy, when I read your critiques, I realize how shitty these episodes really are.

    I seem to remember having a conversation with my brother one time after watching this episode about Jesse being a high school drop out. We both remembered the episode with his 10 year reunion. But we all know that continuity is not important on this show.

    Excellent work as usual, Billy. Excellent work. Thank you for helping me waste 15 minutes today. And every Friday, for that matter.


  11. Jane says:

    Here’s my theory: the show’s producers wanted to do an episode that covered dropping out of school, so they needed a main character to provide an example to bring it home for the viewers. I’m sure they thought Jesse was the obvious choice, with his slacker, bad-boy ways, but I think they should have chosen Joey to be the drop-out. Since we don’t know as much about his past, it would have been more plausible. But John Stamos was more popular than Dave Coulier, so Jesse it was.


    • The Venerable Bede says:

      Also, we know that Joey went to college, so he would’ve either had to say he dropped out of college (which they could’ve done with Jersey just as easily), or we would’ve been told that he dropped out but eventually got his GED or something like that. Which wouldn’t really have been much of a story, I guess, although I don’t know why that would’ve stopped the writers. Most of their “stories” aren’t really stories.


  12. Bridget says:

    I just imagined myself doing that, but never had the guts to actually do that. I also never reminded the teacher to give us homework and I do remember Derrick S. Boyd doing that on “Full House.”. Jesse’s lack of HS diploma reminds me of the “Married with Children” eppy when Peg had to take Home Ec with Kelly to get the HS school credit. Peg’s assignment was Crown Rack of Lamb and Kelly had to make Jello. Peg collapsed from the pressure and it took Kelly hours to figure out that you have to add water to Jello. Peg made a wonderful lamb and her eternally starving husband Al work up because he couldn’t sleep with her in the same bed. He ate her project and she tricked Kelly into giving her the Jello for her final grade and she got the credit. MwC is way more funnier than “Full House” and Christina Applegate as Kelly could out funny Joey on her best day!


  13. DawnieP says:

    Great review Billy!


  14. Mackenzie says:

    Sometimes, when I’m tying my shoes, I remember this episode. And then I hate myself.


  15. TayciBear says:

    Nick shows an hour or two of Full House every weeknight and even though I have not watched them, I think of you when I see they are on.


  16. Teebore says:

    Stephanie’s like, “bitch, it’s time for you to learn to tie your own muthafuckin shoes.”

    True story: I didn’t learn to tie my shoes until second grade, which apparently means Michelle is smarter than me. Fail.

    Why would that prevent him from telling kids to stay in school?

    If anything, you’d think it would make him a BETTER spokesman, but who needs logic when whacky hijinks are about to ensue?

    Jesse struggles with the idea but since neither of them consider that he could just take a GED test

    Of course not, because a sensible GED test wouldn’t be nearly as “hilarious”.

    Let’s just skip all of the conceivable logic problems about this guy being Jesse’s night school teacher

    I’m just glad there’s other adults in the class, and the show avoided the temptation to, I dunno, send Jermsey to school with DJ or something.

    It’s not like DJ can get mad and withhold all those blow jobs she never gives him.

    Quite possibly one of your best lines ever.


  17. Ruby Lee says:

    Wait a second… Didn’t Steve break up with DJ in the last episode? I thought he couldn’t take it anymore after Danny showed up at his school and insisted on wrestling him.
    Was he lured back to the Full House with promises of an Uncle-Jesse-goes-back-to-school storyline?


  18. jbeeee says:

    As a teacher, I have to ask what kind of a class bases an entire grade on reciting one poem? Didn’t they have to write any essays? Book reports? A final exam? No way. Just adding another level to the lameness that is this story line.

    Fun fact: the teacher is the same actor who portrayed a tough History (I think) teacher on the original Beverley Hills 90210 who gives Brandon a hard time. Then they have a heart to heart talk where the teacher tells Brandon he wears out of fashion clothes because his wife bought them for him before she died. I can’t believe I remember all that but still can’t recite “O Captain, My Captain.”


  19. Melody says:

    I’m an adult trying to graduate high school, too. I’m not as old as Jesse, and I hope to be done before I reach his age – but still, it’s sort of offensive to have it in writing here that everyone ought to be smart enough to graduate by 17.

    In all honesty, some people are forced into situations that seriously hinder their progress in school. My lack of success, school-wise anyway, is exactly that story – I was dumped (that didn’t stop me), I was grieving (that slowed me down), my parents split up (that stopped me cold for a month) and then my father died, just recently actually. I’m still trying to work through that one. This is all not to mention the very unsafe situation some new tenants in the other half of our house brought with them and the fact that 8/11 people that lived in our tiny house (yes, eleven people, and not much money) were disabled! (Not to mention, two were little kids and another member was in his 70s.)

    So while we can sort of poke easy fun at Jesse for being “uneducated” (I never thought of him that way) I have to think there are reasons. I don’t think pursuing a musical career counts as a great reason for not finishing school. Grief and hardship, among other things, are good reasons. But still, you can’t paint everyone without a diploma with the same brush; now I just want a Jesse-centric episode in which we find out the real reason why he dropped out. I don’t think tough-guy Jesse would *really* let a downer of a teacher stop him from doing anything. He spends 99% of his time doing whatever he wants, anyway.


  20. tageslicht says:

    So, Stephanie is in what, 5th grade, and still doesn’t know how to tie her shoes? Shouldn’t Michelle be learning at her age?


  21. ally says:

    “First of all, we’ve already seen Jesse attend his high school reunion, in an episode that included a flashback that took place one week before he graduated, no less. So how are you gonna try to tell me that he never graduated?”

    Yes, this does imply that Jesse graduated, but we never knew for sure. He probably was just there to pick up his old, unibrowed girlfriend, Carrie, from her graduation.


  22. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    They forgot to put the shoes on the lil’ princess? That’s like one of the first things that you need to do after you put on all of her clothes and shit. She OWNS that house.


  23. Gibbler! says:

    I didn’t even realize how crazy Becky’s hair was….WTF? Why did her stylist make that decision?


  24. Lisa says:

    The student who recognizes Jesse in class is the guy who played Selena’s brother in the Selena movie … my brain cells are being put to good use, obvi.


  25. Gia says:

    I always hated this episode. The man has a right to say no to anything he doesnt want to do . He doesnt have to do everything the kids tell him to do. He isnt their slave.

    It is crazy they chased him everywhere until he had to give a reason why he wouldnt volunteer. He has a life, a wife, 2 kids and a job. He doenst have time for your stupid shit.


  26. Melody says:

    Jesse tells everyone that he memorized “Oh Captain, My Captain” in anticipation for his first day back at school and then everyone tells him that they’re really proud of him because that’s what you tell a sorry ass loser when he’s trying to achieve some meager pathetic goal.” — As someone who only graduated high school last year (and I’m nearly 24), I can’t say I agree with it being a ‘meager pathetic goal’ . . . but that’s only because you can’t drop out in Grade 3 and still get a job these days. It’s hard enough trying to get a job with Grade 12!

    I’m surprised it’s not mentioned that Jesse feels okay about going back to high school since he’s clearly in a class with a bunch of other former dropouts who have aged into balding adults. If he was put into DJ’s class, or any class of seventeen-year-olds, then we’d have some seriously funny potential, especially since kids like Kimmy would have a thousand jokes on the spot.

    . . . Was that an English class that Jesse dropped (twice)? I could understand it if it was science or math, but English?

    I think Jesse’s high-school problems are mentioned at least twice more: once in that episode where Becky’s rich, snobby cousins come for a visit and everyone gets awkward when Jesse (accidentally, I think) reveals that he’s still trying to earn his high-school diploma. I’m pretty sure it’s mentioned that Jesse misses his high-school graduation when he gets trapped on a train in a tunnel in one episode . . . but I’m not sure about that. Thanks to FHR, I’ve had to re-watch a bunch of episodes of the show!

    I hate people who can’t leave other people’s business alone. But I’m really enjoying FHR!


  27. cjenkinssax says:

    This is like the 500 millionth time that one of the adults (loosely applied term) has realised they shouldn’t quit something after telling one of the kids that they shouldn’t quit something.


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