Season 6, Episode 11, “Designing Mothers”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Becky tries to feed the twins lima beans and then Michelle feeds them to the dog.  The lima beans, not the twins.  If only!

The Uncles come home all bummed out because their station is getting a new manager who is known for firing people. Becky does her best to cope with the fact that her husband can’t ever keep a job for more than 5 minutes by consoling him.  Ah, codependency!  Danny comes in and explains to everyone that Vicky’s mom is in town and then Joey reminds him to check her out because that’s what Vicky’s gonna look like when she gets older.

Vicky’s mom shows up lookin’ pretty muthafuckin good, which leads to Michelle making a pronounced reference to what Joey said earlier.  That’s become a pretty prominent bit on this show:  someone will be like, “hey, Bill’s coming over later.  Don’t anybody mentions his tiny ears.” and then as soon as Bill shows up, either Michelle or Stephanie will be like, “oh shit, Bill does have some tiny ass ears!” hella loud right to Bill’s face.  I guess they’ve always done those sorts of gags, as they fit right in with the overtly abrasive and insensitive tone of the whole show, but lately it feels like they do this specific bit in pretty much every episode.

Vicky’s mom checks out Stephanie and Michelle’s room and starts making interior decorating tips because, by the way, she’s an interior decorator.  The girls get all excited by her suggestions but then Danny says that he wants to keep the girls’ room the way it is because he does not like new things.

Kimmie Gibbler tries to get Steve to hook her up with one of the dudes on the wrestling team but he can’t think of anyone who’d be interested.  Seriously?  I guess they’ve never seen her in those tight ass dresses that she wears over at the full house sometimes.  Danny comes in with Vicky and her mom but then Vicky’s gigantic, incredibly dated pager goes off so she goes into the other room to take a work call.  Everyone attempts to keep Vicky’s mom entertained while Vicky’s in the other room so Kimmie Gibbler starts saying a bunch of stupid shit about Danny and Vicky getting married until Steve carries her out of the house while she makes comments about how hot his ass is.

Once they’re left alone, Vicky’s mom brings the subject of marriage back up, which makes Danny nervous.

Joey interrupts Jesse while he’s trying to eat fried chicken in peace in the living room by telling him that he thinks that they’ll be able to adjust to the station’s supposed switch over to classical music.  He then does an extended rendition of “Flight of the Bumblebee” with his lips, which makes no sense.  If the station actually was going to switch to classical music, I don’t think that they’d expect their DJ’s to perform the music with their mouths.

Danny comes home with the girls and then Vicky’s mom reveals that she completely redesigned the girls’ room while they were out.  How many time now has a room in the full house been refurbished with impossible speed and efficiency?  I can’t tell if this new room is supposed to look better or worse than the last one.  They both are surely rooms I’ll spend thousands of years in if Purgatory is a real thing, but I couldn’t tell you which one is supposed to be the cooler one.  I’ll never understand the aesthetics of this show.  Anyway, the girls love it but Danny gets super pissed that the room was changed without his consent.

Danny pulls Vicky into DJ’s room so they can argue, which is pretty weird.  Why didn’t they go into Danny’s room?  What if DJ was in her room?  Anyway, Danny and Vicky argue until she storms out of the room and then sad music plays.

Stephanie and Michelle try to sleep in DJ’s room at night so DJ goes and gets Danny to help her kick them out.  Danny comes in and wants to know what’s going on and then they say that they don’t like their new room because it made Danny and Vicky fight, which makes the audience go, “aww.”  Danny says that it’s no big deal and that he’s on the outs with Vicky because it will give him time to learn how to scuba dive and then he tells them to go sleep in their own room, for fucks sake.

The uncles complete what they think might be their last radio show and then they see their new boss giving what they perceive to be a pink slip to one of their co-workers.  She comes into the booth and hands the uncles ominous envelopes and then, before opening it, Jesse gets all irate and quits.  After Jesse storms out of the booth, the new boss explains to Joey that the envelopes have parking passes in them and then she gets all upset and starts crying and hugging Joey because that’s what having a woman boss is like.  Joey grabs Jesse and explains the situation to him and then Jesse comes back to the booth and makes up with their new boss.  They explain that they thought that she was firing their co-worker and then she said that she did, indicating that she is in fact some sort of a hard-ass.  I guess this is supposed to be an introduction to a new character here but I wouldn’t be surprised if we never see her again.  If she ever does show up again I bet she ends up bangin’ Joey.

Danny comes home and tells Stephanie and Michelle that he just bought a bunch of gear for his new scuba class.  After Danny goes upstairs, the girls explain to DJ that they’ve concocted a plan to get Danny and Vicky back together.  They called Vicky up and told her that Michelle got her head stuck in the fence, which leads to Vicky arriving at the full house seconds later, with a fire truck.

Stephanie pulls Michelle into the backyard and convinces her to stick her head in the fence.  On the other side of the fence, Michelle finds Kimmie Gibbler grilling sardines in her own backyard. I wish we got to see more of Kimmie Gibbler’s house.  Her fence has all these weird paintings all over it but that’s about all you see.  What an intriguing enigma you are, Kimmie Gibbler.  Why do you do the things you do?

Some firemen enter the backyard, followed by Danny in full scuba gear.  Ok, I’ll give it to him that he was too alarmed to remove his wetsuit, maybe even his snorkel, but I refuse to believe that he wouldn’t have taken his flippers off.  That’s just impractical.  Anyway, one of the firemen notices that Michelle is just kneeling on the ground with her head between two extremely loose boards in the fence so he tricks her into getting out herself by saying that he’s gonna use his axe.  Once the ruse was over I kind of expected the firemen to give Danny some sort of a ticket for having such shitty daughters that made a mockery of valuable public services but instead they just accept Danny’s apology and leave.

Danny gets all pissed at the girls but then they admit that their hijinks were an attempt to get him and Vicky back together.  Why do the girls even give a shit about Vicky, anyway?  The woman has no personality whatsoever.  The other new character, Steve, has like 5 personality traits already, making him maybe the most developed character in the series, but Vicky’s got jack shit.

Danny and Vicky are left alone together and then he explains that her mom was putting marriage pressure on him and it freaked him out.  The music comes on as they discuss growth and change in relationships and then they say they love each other and hug.  Do you think they’ve done it yet?  Probably not.

Damn, you guys, that was an episode about Vicky’s mom coming to visit.  I’d say that they’re really tapping the well by now but it’s not like they had good storylines before this.  They’ve just gotten even worse somehow.

Oh also thanks so much to everyone who donated money for web hosting!  I was able to buy two more years of hosting for the site so it’ll be up until well after the project is done and then I’ll figure out some other cheap or free way to stash it on the internet, like I’ll go back to wordpress or something.  Thanks so much for your support, everyone!  You guys are the shit!