Season 7, Episode 7, “High Anxiety”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle’s two front teeth fell out.  Eww, gross!  Since Michelle is played by twins and the odds of them both losing their front teeth at the same time are pretty slim, I’d bet that the one who didn’t lose them naturally had to have them knocked out by the producers.

DJ and Stephanie come back from shopping at the mall and Michelle is sad that she didn’t get to go because everything that ever happens is all about her.  She then goes on to lament the fact that Danny still picks all of her clothes out for her because she’s just a stupid little kid, plus Danny really enjoys picking out dresses, and the older girls recall how much it sucked ass for them to deal with that when they were younger.  Suddenly, as if on cue, Danny walks into the room and makes Michelle wear a really stupid hat that he’s just picked out for her, which causes her to make the bitchiest face I’ve ever seen.

I would pay thousands of dollars to punch that face.  I really would.  I would work 12 hours shifts in a factory for years with no pay if it meant that I got to punch that face just one time.  Actually, I bet that the producer who got to knock her teeth out took on this shitty tv gig for just that reason.

After Steve and Kimmie Gibbler snake the last of the bacon in the full house, leaving Danny to wonder why he even lets them in his house that is already overrun with people, Jesse comes downstairs and starts bitching and moaning about how he has to pick a paint color for the club that he had willed to him for no good reason.  Wow, continuity!  It seems like Jesse’s reopening of the Smash Club is actually going to be an ongoing storyline.  Everyone stresses the importance of choosing the right colors for the club, which makes Jesse nervous.

As the girls prepare to leave for school, Danny gives them each money for lunch, except for Michelle, who has to bring her lunch in a lunchbox like a stupid baby.  She asks why she can’t buy her lunch, too, and Danny gives her some patronizing answer about how she’ll lose it.  Adding insult to injury, Danny puts Michelle’s humiliating hat back on her head as he ushers her off to school.

Smoldering with frustration because of Danny’s patronizing treatment, Michelle abandons her lunchbox in the backyard and leaves her hat on the dog.  I don’t know why she’s goes through the backyard to catch her ride to school, though.  Seriously, if they just built a set for the front porch it would make so many scenes like this make a whole lot more sense.

Jesse ignores his children as he pores over more paint samples for his club.  One of them utters a bunch of gibberish that is apparently a request for him to read them a story so he pulls them up on his lap and starts complaining about how much trouble he’s having with all of the decisions that he has to make for the club.  The phone rings so he pushes his children aside and then he complains to the guy who’s calling about the plumbing about how overwhelmed he is.  Becky comes in and reassures him that everything will be fine because that’s pretty much all she ever does anymore.

As Michelle plays frisbee on the school playground with Denise and Derek, Derek throws it over on to the top of the backstop.  A backstop is that tall fenced dome thing that you bat inside of when you play baseball.  I know that because I just spent like 5 minutes googling it to figure out what it was called so I didn’t have to call it a “fenced dome thing” a bunch of times.  Yeah, sorry, I don’t know shit about dick about sports.

Anyway, Denise bravely volunteers to climb up onto the backstop to retrieve the frisbee and then she goads Michelle to climb up, too, but then Danny appears on the school yard and intervenes.  He tells Michelle that she forgot her lunch and her stupid hat and I guess he just called off that day’s episode of his morning show so he could bring them to her.  She tries to blow him off and then climb up onto the backstop but then Danny’s like, “don’t climb up onto that thing, Michelle, because you’re just a stupid little baby and you’ll hurt yourself.”  He proceeds to help Denise climb down and then he makes Michelle wear her stupid hat and tries to give her a goodbye kiss while all the other kids crowd around and laugh at her.  I don’t know if they’re laughing because her dad’s trying to kiss her or just because of what her dad is like in general.  Michelle tells him not to kiss her and to stop treating her like a baby and then she walks off as Danny is left alone on the school yard to gaze ponderously at the stupid hat as sad music plays.

Back at the full house, Danny totally tunes out a story that Vicky tells him while he stews over how Michelle wouldn’t kiss him.  The most disturbing thing about it is that he’s shining a fork the whole time in a remarkably masturbatory fashion.  Vicky tries to console him but then Michelle comes home from school and snubs him all over again.  Incidentally, that’s the only time we see Vicky for the entire episode.

Jesse comes home and asks for advice about what kinds of cups to use at the Smash Club and then DJ comes into the room and says that a delivery guy just dropped off more samples in the living room.  What she neglects to mention is that the samples are toilets.

Oh!  Toilets!  Now that’s comedy!  The arrival of the toilets is the final straw for Jesse, who spirals into despair at his inability to make any decisions.  He is supported and consoled by Becky and Joey, who are able to guide him into picking a toilet for the club.  After finally making that initial decision, Jesse feels a renewed confidence towards picking out a bunch more tacky and gaudy trimmings for his stupid lame club for weiners.  I guess the moral here is that it’s ok to be totally dependent on others in order to succeed, even when you’ve already had everything handed to you.

As Danny goes into Michelle’s room to say goodnight to her, the tension in the air is palpable.  He admits that he’s been having a hard time adjusting to her growing up and is going to start treating her more like a big girl.  The music comes on as he says that he’s going to try to respect that she’s embarrassed when he kisses her and then there’s this incredibly awkward moment of tension as he says goodnight to her, starts to lean over to kiss her, and then stops himself.

He then stands in the doorway looking really needy and disappointed as he waves goodnight to her, which is one of those rare moments where the shows actually makes me laugh.  It’s not funny “ha ha,” but more funny “oh my god that’s the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever seen.”

Back on the school yard, Michelle plays frisbee with Denise and Derek again and he immediately throws it up back up onto the backstop.  Michelle rushes to climb up the backstop and triumphantly retrieves the frisbee.

Derek calls up to her that she shouldn’t look down but she immediately does and is petrified with fear.  Danny appears on the yard that very second and, upon discovering Michelle’s predicament, reassures her that she is in fact a big girl and then coaxes her down the fence as tense music plays.  Once she gets down she thanks him for his help and then he reminds her that part of being a big girl means not doing stupid ass bullshit like putting yourself in danger for no good reason.  Then Michelle kisses him and he totally jizzes in his pants.

He tells her that she didn’t have to kiss him if it made her embarrassed and she says that she’s a big girl and it was her decision, which is yet another moment that makes what should be representative of the love between a father and daughter seem deeply creepy and uncomfortable.  This is compounded by the fact that a group of kids is standing around watching this entire interaction for some reason.

Danny takes Michelle’s hand and hurriedly escorts her home before some yard monitor sees how inappropriate their interactions are and calls child services.

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110 Responses to Season 7, Episode 7, “High Anxiety”

  1. Sally says:

    Well, I think you’ve single-handedly found a solution to our failing economy. I am willing to bet that there are thousands of people who would also be willing to work for free in order to punch Michelle in the face and I’m one of them. Just tell the big corporations to hire those people and with the lack of overhead spending we could be back on our feet in no time! I, personally, want to punch that “duh” expression right off her face…

    Like

    • ListenUpFives says:

      What do you think the chances are that someone DID punch one of the Olsens in the face, resulting in two lost teeth, and then some lucky producer just HAD to punch the other one in the face to even things out?

      Like

  2. Lisa says:

    You make a very good point about that backyard being used so incorrectly so many times. It just doesn’t make sense how so many times people came to their back door instead of the front door. The paperboy from one of the earlier seasons came to the back door to collect money or something. Did he deliver newspapers to the back door, too?

    Yet with all of these inconsistencies, I remember reading that they gave the Olsen twins fake teeth to put in their mouths so they will match. So when you watch the next episode, look closely at their teeth. I bet both twins will have two front teeth. The adult teeth sure grow in fast.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      They give small beauty queens the fake teeth and they call that a flipper. At least they didn’t show the bloody aftermath of Michelle losing teeth! They showed the bloody wisdom teeth of Jana and Jill Duggar on 19 Kids and their then 11 year old sister Joy brought them Popsicles and meds after the surgery. I have seen the births from Jackson to Michael, but they didn’t show the stillbirth of Jubilee. Michael’s birth happened on the toilet because his mom Anna had the urge to go! I saw women give birth on the toilet on “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” and one baby girl literally used her cord as a bungee and she came out of her mom that way and she hit the floor! The mom was panicked because the public bathroom floor wasn’t very clean and the kid hit her head, but thank goodness this baby had no brain damage and she was fine! Somehow, I think Joey made his entrance to the world through a toilet and that would be fitting!

      Like

  3. Bridget says:

    I hate climbing anything big like trees or that thing Michelle climbed. My reason is a family tragedy that happened to my family 80 years ago. My maternal grandmother’s then 11 year old brother Archie fell from a tree and died. Grandma was a teenager then and it devastated my great grandparents and Archie’s six brothers and sisters. Gigi (great grandma) could not be a basket case for long because her older son Chester and my great grandpa were both invalids who needed her. Chester joined Archie when he was still young and my mom thinks the 2 uncles she never met are angels. In the pictures of Archie I saw, he was a cute kid and you never had the urge to punch him like Michelle! Billy, I would smack Michelle for a million bucks!

    Like

    • max says:

      wow, i’ve never been tempted to say “cool story bro” while reading this site before…

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        I keep 2 little angels on a small bench in my room and I call them Chester and Archie. The only sister left in the Miller clan (Grandma’s maiden name) is Aunt Lavern, the mother of Tommy Bruce, Gary, Verna Lynn and Uncle Tom’s wife. When Grandma was alive, we visited her brothers and sisters at the cemetery and this golden retriever came out of nowhere and started grabbing the flowers. Grandma said “Shoo Doggy” and I was almost laughing.

        Like

      • max says:

        I see. Please go on.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Joey’s father probably didn’t believe Mindy when she was in labor and she delivered him in the toilet is what I think.

        Like

      • Ruby says:

        Is Mindy Joey’s mom? that is pretty incredible that you know that. Props!

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Thank you. I don’t know the names of Joey and Danny’s fathers because they never mentioned them. DJ called grandfather Tanner Grandpa once, but he was never shown. Joey’s dad was on Viva Las Joey but they never mentioned his name. I have a weird memory for names and I still remember Tom Skerritt as Evan Drake on “Cheers.”

        Like

  4. lovetolaugh says:

    Again with the kissing nonsense on this show! I am a huge hugger and kisser, as are some of my family members, but kisses seem to be used as weapons in the full house. I swear, I bet Danny and Jesse have an ongoing competition over who can score more smooches off of Michelle on a given day (at least Danny doesn’t do it on the mouth).

    Regarding Danny’s rhetorical question of “Isn’t that the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?”, which he delivers a couple of times after putting the hat on Michelle, please allow me to answer: HELL NO. I wish the someone in the audience could have stopped swooning long enough to yell that out. Wouldn’t that have been awesome?

    I actually feel kind of bad for Danny in this episode. The reason being, Michelle suddenly being too “grown-up” to show her father some affection or wear that hat is total rubbish, considering she plays the baby card to get her way ALL THE TIME. You can’t have it both ways, Michelle.

    The scenes that involve Danny showing up at Michelle’s school draw more attention to the fact that he, Jesse and Joey seem to be the only three adults on the planet that are put in charge of children, ever. Seriously, where were the recess aides when Michelle and Denise were climbing the backstop? Teachers? Teachers’ assistants?

    Billy, your fingernails must be bitten down to the quick after watching that scene of Michelle trying to climb back down the backstop. So suspenseful I can barely stand it!

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Lovetolaugh, Michelle’s hat reminded me of the nightcaps the Ingalls girls wore on “Little House.”

      Liked by 1 person

      • lovetolaugh says:

        Haha good call Bridget! 🙂

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Thank you, lovetolaugh! I saw the same ugly hat on Joy Duggar when that family was building their new house. The Duggar girls dress cooler now and they don’t wear those flowered, beribboned ship wrecks they call dresses and jumpers. Whenever Michelle wears dresses with big collars or jumpers I think of the Duggar dresses of the past. Michelle makes me think of ugly Duggar fashions and it is frightening to me!

        Like

    • Angela says:

      Good point about Michelle always using the baby card.

      I about spit out my food/drink at the screencaps towards the end of this review involving Danny hugging Michelle, as well as the running commentary for that scene. So much creepiness. So much.

      Also…

      He tells Michelle that she forgot her lunch and her stupid hat and I guess he just called off that day’s episode of his morning show so he could bring them to her.

      I love it when you bring attention to little details like this.

      Like

      • DawnieP says:

        I thought the same thing when he just showed up at the school. Why isn’t he at work? Does he not have a business meeting to go to? And I guess he also walks out the backdoor to get into his car to go to work.

        Like

      • Propanehead says:

        I’m a straight dude, and I admit to being a romantic, but I totally agree that kissing goes way out of hand in the “Tanner household”!

        Like

      • Michelle's acting coach says:

        Danny would be parked out back on the recently-installed-driveway but that’s where Jesse parks his motorcycle, car and Michelle’s bicycle so Danny has to park in the street.

        Like

    • Bridget says:

      Lovetolaugh, have you ever seen that family on SNL who is always kissing each other? I don’t mean nice kisses, I mean full on French kissing assault! The amount of kissing on FH reminds me of that family!

      Like

  5. Kefka says:

    Who thought climbing would be a good idea for this episode

    Like

  6. Stephen says:

    The last screencap just cracks me up. The kids are just standing there watching. lol

    Like

  7. Becki says:

    Well, we now know when the Olsen twins started using the duck lips look the teen girls make on all their Facebook pics. (when Michelle has that hat on that Danny got her.) I also saw this episode on tv a few months ago and it is so obvious that Michelle is wearing knee pads under her jeans. I also think she had on butt padding, but the knee padding really sticks out if you watch the episode. It was so glaringly obvious that it caught my attention. I guess the producers didn’t want the star of the show to be injured by scraping her knees by claiming a fence.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. jbeeee says:

    “Smoldering with frustration because of Danny’s patronizing treatment, Michelle abandons her lunchbox in the backyard and leaves her hat on the dog. I don’t know why she’s goes through the backyard to catch her ride to school, though. Seriously, if they just built a set for the front porch it would make so many scenes like this make a whole lot more sense.”

    Billy!! Just please tell me if there is any sign of the giant paved parking pad in the backyard that they put in a few episodes. I really want to know if that was a one off or not.

    And why can’t Jesse just hire a decorator or even ask DJ and Kimmie for advice since he’s marketing to them? He is such an idiot.

    Bonus: this seems to be an episode with very little Joey in it. I like it when Comet is featured more than one of the main characters.

    Like

  9. Meg says:

    “After finally making that initial decision, Jesse feels a renewed confidence towards picking out a bunch more tacky and gaudy trimmings for his stupid lame club for weiners.”

    Literally just burst out laughing in my office. The show keeps getting worse and this blog keeps getting even more amazing.

    Like

  10. Bridget says:

    Meg, the black toilet gave Jesse a warm feeling and he was able to go on from there.

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      Oddly, I was going to ask what color toilet he had chosen, as I really don’t have the stomach to go back and watch these episodes. Thank you, Bridget.

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        You’re welcome. I also remember Al Bundy picking out a white Ferguson toilet for his new bathroom and when Peg redecorated the bathroom, she put a pink toilet cover on it and he called it a Fergie. Really, I have no interest in toilets or plumbing of any kind!

        Like

      • JMo says:

        Jesse didn’t just pick out any old toilet, remember that it was the Flushmaster 2000 (as pointed by the very annoying Joey in his stupid commercial guy voice)

        Like

  11. kate says:

    i am SO glad i found your blog! i looooove (hate) full house. and i hate michelle. i was always so creeped out by the relationships they all had with each other. you know there was molesting going on in that house.

    Like

  12. Toilet samples? Really? I’m pretty sure they don’t deliver a dozen toilets as samples for you to choose from. That’s they the toilet store has a goddamn show room! Do you know how much it would cost to have all those toilets delivered? And I sure as Hell hope they charged a hefty deposit for them, especially considering where and with whom they left these “samples”.

    Isn’t Danny showing up at the instant that Michelle is having vertigo at the top of the back stop and then calling her a “big girl” even more condescending and embarrassing than anything else he’s done this episode? “Come on, Michelle, you can climb down! You’re a BIG GIRL, Daddy loves you”! And I mean, did he skip his morning show again so he could lurk in the bushes just so he would watch in case Michelle needed him? Why was he there? It doesn’t make any sense! Not like anything ever does on this show.

    Like

    • *That’s why the toilet store has a goddamn show room.

      Like

      • lovetolaugh says:

        Santanaonfire, I know, right?? What was Danny’s excuse for showing up the second time? Maybe there was one, I just don’t remember it.

        There were always at least two recess aides watching the kids on the playground when I was in elementary school. Danny should enroll Michelle in a school where the educators value the children’s’ lives a little more.

        Like

    • Bridget says:

      “Where did you get your suits? From the toilet store?”
      —-Brick from “Anchorman.”

      Like

      • Non-Jerk Michelle says:

        I’d like to think Jesse was such a pain in the ass to whoever worked at the toilet store that they shelled out their own money to send those toilets to the Full House just to mess with him.

        Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      Danny Tanner was the original Helicopter Parent.

      Like

    • DawnieP says:

      I agree. What kind of business would deliver a dozen toilets to the full house. I am surprised they didn’t feature a scene where the twins and Joey were pissing in the toilets as they watched cartoons together.

      Like

  13. lovetolaugh says:

    This morning I actually found this episode online and inexplicably decided to watch it. Michelle was really inconsiderate of Danny’s feelings. I actually never really went through a face when I was embarrassed by my parents (to me, I am a separate entity from my parents and no one is going to judge me based on how they act), but even if I ever had been, I couldn’t imagine being as tactless about it as Michelle was.

    I can see it now:

    “How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by Michelle Tanner?”

    (Danny, Joey, Jesse, DJ, Stephanie, Aunt Becky, Nicky, Alex, Comet, Steve, Kimmy, Denise, Derek, Aaron Bailey, Teddy, Vicky, Kathy Santoni, Gia, Mr. Strowbridge, Granny Tanny, Grandma and Grandpa Katsopolis, Papouli, and Billy Superstar all raise their hands vehemently).

    Liked by 1 person

  14. aaron bailey would’ve told Danny how creepy his kissing was.

    Like

  15. pxilated says:

    I’ve been waiting for this all week and I was not disappointed.

    Like

  16. Lynne says:

    The second screenshot of Michelle is going to give me nightmares. And how the hell can you get a dozen toilets delivered to your house?

    Like

    • Propanehead says:

      Andy Warhol from the afterlife called the Tanner Household and he pretty much wants his toilets back, so that he could make them into his new painting(s).

      Like

  17. Minnie says:

    Denise is totally in a new sexy movie called Temptation!

    Like

    • Propanehead says:

      Jurnee Smollett! She’s really pretty, actually. And she seems to be like a really cool person to hang out with, too!

      Like

  18. Ryan says:

    Isn’t there also a bit in this episode where one of Jesse’s kids say they have to take a shit and they go over to one of the sample toilets and Jesse runs over and stops them, saying something like “this one is a loaner”? Or is that the next episode? For some reason I remember that bit more than almost every other episode.

    Also, that hat is the ugliest thing I’ve seen in a long time.

    Like

  19. Rudy Zoltec says:

    “Then Michelle kisses him and he totally jizzes in his pants.”

    Somehow I always imagined Danny looking like that during orgasm.

    Like

    • Sarah says:

      I don’t think I wanna know why you were imagining what Danny looks like during an orgasm…. *shudders*

      Like

    • Sarah says:

      Different Sarah here but I agree with the other Sarah-seeing that expression on Danny’s face pretty much says it all. He totally finished when he was hugging Michelle. Sticky zipper. Ewwww.

      Like

  20. Bridget says:

    Maybe Vicky could wear that ugly hat! Billy said the woman had no personality trait or even an article of clothing she wore like Mike Nesmith did with his knit hat. His hats grew on me and he wore the hats to keep the hair out of his eyes.

    Like

  21. Witness says:

    Billy, you have achieved a new level of smoldering hatred for this show. It’s sustained through the entire review in this one, and quite justifiably. Don’t try to temper your fury. Let it grow as the show nourishes it. I am beginning to think it will blossom into something larger than all of us.

    Like

  22. kenzington says:

    Um, Billy, you left us hanging on the most important detail—WHICH TOILET DID JESSE CHOOSE?

    (I’d have picked the teal one, for supreme early-mid ’90s coolness.)

    Like

  23. Bridget says:

    He picked the black toilet. I did think the teal one or even the red one looked cool too!

    Like

  24. Stacy says:

    Holy crap, that very first screencap of Michelle baring her missing teeth is downright terrifying. She looks like something out of a horror film. That is definitely a kid you’d work for no pay to punch in the face.

    Like

  25. Bridget says:

    That is a kid Mr. Boogie in “Sinister” would not want because her soul is so evil, so corrupt, it would make him sick! This picture would make an excellent Halloween card for your enemies or something!

    Like

  26. Non-Jerk Michelle says:

    Poor Comet, he’s the only cast member with any talent. Just look at the disdain in his eyes wearing that baby vomit in a flower bed hat Michelle slapped on him. Michelle should have just taken the stupid hat, stuffed it in her backpack and called it a day!

    Like

  27. Sarah Portland says:

    I gonna have to side with Michelle here (Oh God, whhhyyyy?): that is the worst hat ever. It’s straight-up Holly Hobbie, which is about 10 years out of date for this show at the time. And didn’t Danny go shopping with his older girls? They complained that Danny had dressed them in lame clothing like he was now doing to Michelle, yet they allow him to purchase that ugly-ass hat? They must hate her more than I suspected.
    Also, here is a tl;dr break-down of the plot: toilets in the living room, Michelle climbs a backstop. Thank God for Billy, filling in those plot holes with unbridled hatred. It makes this blog worth reading, cuz I’m sure as shit not tuning in same Bat time, same Bat channel for the exploits of the Tanner family.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      My friend had a Holly Hobby comforter and pillowcase when she was younger. I think anyone could have predicted the choosing of a black toilet because Jesse said black was his favorite color. I saw “Halloween” by Rob Zombie and Malcolm McDowell’s doctor character said black was an absence of color. Speaking of which, I am half done with the owl on black Aida cloth and I’ll have a strong drink when I am done. I also heard that brides are choosing black over white for wedding dresses. As for Comet, that hat looked better on him than Michelle, and I do try to put hats on our dog, but he won’t have it! He does wear different color bandanas and he likes them very much! I also wanted Billy to comment on Stephanie’s new hair style like he did Joey’s because I remember her getting bangs.

      Like

  28. Pivitor says:

    Hey, I’ve been reading through the backlogs for weeks now and just now caught up, so count me in as a loyal reader who will be back every Friday to lament the further adventures of the Tanner family! Thank you so much for this essential service, Billy!

    I have really vivid episodes of this one. I mean, I remember all these episodes, unfortunately, but this one especially sticks in my brain for some reason. I remembered the hat, but then you posted the picture of the backstop and immediately my brain went “OH NO NOT THIS ONE.” A commenter already mentioned it, but I too wondered why she just didn’t stick her hat in her backpack. That’s sure what I would have done.

    Like

  29. Sarah says:

    Jbeeee hit the nail on the head-this is a bonus episode as there’s little to no Joey!!!!! He ruins everything.
    Speaking of ruining things Michelle is getting older and is becoming an even bigger asshole in every single episode. It’s a fun drinking game to take a shot or sip every time that little brat makes a stank face or a snide comment like “duh!!” Do it. You’ll be wasted right after the pre credits gag!
    Great recap , as always 🙂

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      We would all need rehab for alcoholism if we had a drink every time Jesse made a fuss about his hair or his twins’ hair, when Joey does Popeye, when Stephanie gets into DJ’s business, and when Danny makes his long-winded lectures. I think before anyone has a kid, they should watch the horror that is Michelle Tanner. Watch Michelle Duggar to keep the number of kids to less than 3 or so.

      Like

  30. Oh Mylanta says:

    Yeah… This episode is a clusterfuck. And it only gets clusterfuckier from here on out…

    Like

  31. UncleJersey says:

    I just wanted to say I have been reading this site for over a year now and it is truly amazing. I caught up about 6 months ago after reading through all the seasons so now when Friday rolls around I literally get excited, it’s like “Yay it’s FHR day!” This whole site is hilarious. Just wanted to say this is yet another person who is a first-time commenter who LOVES this site!!

    And Michelle only gets worse man, I know everyone’s been saying it but man, she gets excruciatingly worse. She really became an asshole Parthenon.

    Like

  32. Kyle C. Haight says:

    That scene where Danny waves good-bye to Michelle always seemed better fit to me if it was set in a hospital and a doctor just told him to say good-bye to her because she was about to succumb to some horrible illness.

    That would have made for a much better episode.

    Like

  33. magellan333 says:

    I think this the first review of an episode I have no recollection of. The delivered toilets is beyond stupid. The idea they would be delivered and set up in the living room is absurd. Would have been much better if a bunch of hot strippers had been sent to sample for the club in some typical whacky Full House before like we have endured before.

    Like

  34. Michelle's acting coach says:

    Jesse: Deej, I just want this club to be cool, to be rad, to be liked by teens and tweens, but I’ve got so many design decisions to make, plus my radio show, my hair, my band…I just don’t know if I have time.
    DJ: Why don’t you ask Vicky’s mom to help? She designed our bedrooms.
    Jesse: Who?
    DJ: Vicky’s mom.
    Jesse: I heard that part, huhhh. I meant who is Vicky?
    DJ: She’s Dad’s fiance.
    Jesse: Danny got engaged?
    DJ: Yea, at DisneyWorld, remember?
    Jesse: Oh I remember DisneyWorld. Deej, you should have been there I played the best set ever, really rocked the place. Plus Beck was there and she was so impressed with how romantic I was and how much effort I put into our anniversary.
    DJ: I was there, and so was everybody else. It was during your show that Danny asked Vicky.

    Like

    • Michelle's acting coach says:

      Jesse: Have I met Vivian?
      DJ: It’s Vicky. And yes. She cooked us all dinner like a week ago. Remember?
      Jesse: Is that who that was? I thought Danny hired a maid or something.
      DJ: No, she sometimes cooks dinner.
      Jesse: What else does she do?
      DJ: Well, she uhh…has a job doing the weather or something and she uhh…travels for work a lot.
      Jesse: Well do you have Vanessa’s number? I’ll call her and ask about her mom.
      DJ: Vicky, and no.
      Jesse: Well what’s her last name? I’ll look her up in the phone book.
      DJ: You know, I’m not sure.
      Jesse: Well never mind. I’m sure Ricky is very nice but I’ll just do what I usually do and call the Beach Boys or something. It’ll all work out.

      Like

  35. katie says:

    I don’t even understand why Jessie is taking on the responsibility of decorating the place. Why not get a designer like…oh hey! Vicki’s mom!? On second thought, bringing in a bunch of toilets is probably easier for the writers to do than actually committing to memory that Vicky has a mom…or that Vicky even exists.

    Like

  36. Bridget says:

    Happy Easter to my people! I always wondered why they never did an FH Easter, but maybe Michelle would pull a Sally Forth and eat the ears off the chocolate bunnies! Another factor could be Bob Saget’s Jewish faith in real life! He had no problem with Christmas, though. I also find it weird that the Jackson 5 did a Christmas album because the family was Jehovah’s Witnesses. I also found it a bit humorous in “War of the Roses” when Michael Douglas sat in front of a Christmas tree because his dad’s a Jew. When I saw “I Know My First Name is Steven” real-life Jewish actor Arliss Howard was Kenneth Parnell and he was trying to get people on the Jesus bandwagon when he passed out religious tracts. I think if Jehovah’s Witnesses were to come to the Tanner house, they would sneak out when Danny brings them coffee!

    Like

  37. Bridget says:

    We should call ourselves the I Hate Michelle Tanner Club, but I Love Kimmy Gibbler and Aaron Bailey Club!

    Like

  38. Smash says:

    omg… reading the line about Danny jizzing in his pants and then seeing the two screen shots of him and Michelle just made me choke on my sandwich.
    You’re so friggin awesome Billy!

    Like

  39. Teebore says:

    Actually, I bet that the producer who got to knock her teeth out took on this shitty tv gig for just that reason.

    I’m totally picturing a to-the-death style rumble amongst the producers for the opportunity to be the person who knocked out those teeth.

    Seriously, if they just built a set for the front porch it would make so many scenes like this make a whole lot more sense.

    Right? If they were smart about it, they could just flip it around, shoot it from a different angle and call it the deck in the backyard. Saved by the Bell did that crap all the time.

    Incidentally, that’s the only time we see Vicky for the entire episode.

    Thanks for stopping by, Vicky! How’s the wedding plans going?

    Then Michelle kisses him and he totally jizzes in his pants.

    Further proof that your super power is hilarious screen capping. 🙂

    Like

  40. Amanda says:

    I haven’t seen this episode in years, but I have a really random memory of Nicky/Alex trying to use one of the toilet samples. Anyone else? or did I dream that?

    Like

  41. Jack says:

    Comet + hat = really cute! :3

    Like

  42. Rachael says:

    I am SO glad I was referred to this blog. Hilarious! I’ve probably seen every episode but never caught any of these details, since I was just a kid. Next we just need one of Saved by the Bell. 😉

    Like

  43. Chuck Damage says:

    I just used google to try and find toilets in those bright primary colors and I was not able to find much.

    Like

  44. SavaFiend76 says:

    Honestly, why is Michelle just now worrying about what she is wearing? Danny has been dressing her in frilly-looking gaudy-print Little House on the Prairie dresses for years!

    And those toilets are for the Smash Club? Those are not even commercial-grade toilets, those are residential-type toilets! What, the bar is gonna have a cozy, at-home environment in the bathroom? Somehow, I think not!

    Like

  45. dawn says:

    Again verbal genius! Ha! Shining a fork in a remarkably masturbatory way..ha ha I Love that line one of ur best…I didn’t even know masturbatory was a word Another genius word to add to my vocab from the Superstar! And id like to add I thought the same thing when I saw Michelle had lost her front teeth they had to hav ripped those suckers out of one of those troll children Ur right who ever got that job must’ve been touched by an Angel LOL BTW I Am loving the lavender toilet & the red one too Who new toilets could be so cool

    Like

  46. Kenny says:

    Jesse ignores his children and he totally jizzes his pants lmfao.

    This site gets better and better do more after full house man seriously.

    Like

  47. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    That has to be kinda shitty for someone to have their father come and embarrass the fuck out of them like that. Regardless of whether or not it was the lil’ princess. This father should know better, but apparently judgement skills are not his strong suit (seeing that he hired those two sea urchins to raise his kids).

    Like

  48. Lisa says:

    “Danny takes Michelle’s hand and hurriedly escorts her home before some yard monitor sees how inappropriate their interactions are and calls child services.”

    Billy, I am planning to move into your attic and raise my family there when I lose my job due to laughing like a hyena over some of these entries. Just giving you a heads-up.

    Like

  49. Annika says:

    I really don’t get it, why would you think they beaten her teeth out? There was only one episode where Michelle lost both teeth, so in that episode was only mary kate. Not Ashley! So shut it and get a life

    Like

  50. redhed311 says:

    That first screencap is going to haunt my nightmares. Shudder.

    Like

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