Pre-Credits Gag: DJ and Steve make out while the audience goes, “WHOOOOOO!” Michelle walks up to them and tells them that their mouths are filled with germs, effectively ruining the mood. Man, I haven’t seen cock-blocking like that since I moved out of that house full of dudes when I was in college.
Jesse practices his piano playing until his wife and kids come home, at which point he chases the kids around and tickles them for about a full minute. Although there is some sense of authenticity to these kinds of ordinary, everyday family moments that we’ve seen on the show more and more often lately, I can’t help but feel that they don’t belong on a tv show. They really do feel like they’re just there to fill up space.
Becky pulls Jesse aside and tells him that the twins wouldn’t socialize with any of the other kids at their playgroup and worries that they’re all fucked up. Jesse vehemently denies that there’s any sort of a problem but Becky insists that they should join a parents-of-twins support group to enlist help with the problem. Jesse ignores her wishes and concerns, just like he has for the entire series, but then Becky tricks him into agreeing to host the playgroup at the full house next week, both to teach Jesse a lesson and so they wont have to use a new set.
Michelle walks into her room and asks Stephanie, “Shouldn’t we ask DJ before we borrow her stuff?” which is totally out of character for her. Since when does she give a shit about asking anybody for anything? I don’t care if it’s obviously for the purpose of exposition, I don’t buy it at all. DJ comes in the room and gets hella mad about her stupid ugly sisters taking her shit and then Danny comes in and is all, “what’s the big fucking problem this time?” They give him the skinny and then he busts out some real democratic dad advice and then leaves.
Why is Joey involved with the play group? I don’t understand why he isn’t just ostracized from everything all the time. Anyway, everyone sings “The Wheels On the Bus” while the twins sit there looking confused and then they get up and stand together on the other side of the room. Jesse tries to get them to rejoin the group but they protest in a disaffected manner. Joey suggests that if the twins wont join the group then they should get the group to focus on the twins, which is exactly the kind of self-absorbed thinking that is the basis of every problem on this show. Maybe they should worry about all the other kids in the group and what they might need for 5 fucking seconds. The twins continue to shun the group and then one of the other kids in the playgroup starts arguing with Jesse. I don’t know why Jesse arguing with little kids is such a commonly used routine on this show. It always makes me feel sorry for him, and not just because he invariably loses the debate.
DJ comes home with Steve and Kimmie Gibbler and recaps the experience that they all shared together a few minutes earlier, as if they’d forgotten. Apparently Kimmie Gibbler was airing out her feet while DJ was driving, which led to DJ receiving a ticket for having her view obstructed. As if Kimmie Gibbler’s stinky feet wasn’t already an overdone enough bit on its own, there seems to be a new routine based around her where she misinterprets words. In this case it’s when DJ says that she’ll have to be a pedestrian and Kimmie Gibbler thinks that she’s talking about religion. Yeah, I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean. There was a similar joke in a recent episode, which leads me to believe that there will be one like it in pretty much every episode with Kimmie Gibbler in it from now on. Go on and kick that dead horse, Full House. Anyway, at the end of the scene Stephanie and Michelle approach DJ and blackmail her, telling her that they’ll narc on her to Danny about the ticket if she doesn’t let them use her stuff. Maybe that’ll teach DJ not to expound superfluous expository dialogue all the time.
The twins continue their asocial behavior until Jesse lures them over to the other kids with gummy bears. Becky comes home and sees the twins socializing, or at least that’s what I think was happening. I was pretty distracted by the way that her shirt frames her titties.
So then the twins separate themselves from the other kids again but Jesse still wont admit that there’s a problem. Jesse tries to coerce them into joining the group but they just clutch each other and mumble “brudder” while sad music plays, which finally convinces Jesse that there is a problem.
The parents-of-twins focus group is run by this sort of hippy dippy guy who comments on Jesse’s aura after Jesse is hesitant to discuss the issues that the twins are having. The floor is then opened up to another couple who have teenage twins that are all fucked up and say that their problems started when their kids were little and exhibited pretty much the exact same behavior as Nicky and Alex.
Jesse is able to recognize the astoundingly unsubtle parallels between his kids and the other couples’ and finally asks for some guidance. The instructor tells him to focus on the twins’ individual interests and plan separate activities for them so that they’re not just clinging to each other all the time and, with that, the Full House tradition of complex emotional issues being resolved in less than 3 minutes once again rears its hackneyed head.
Danny notices that Stephanie and Michelle are getting away with borrowing DJ’s shit all the time and asks them all what the fuck is going on. DJ confesses about the ticket and the younger girls confess about exploiting DJ so Danny doles out an ironic punishment by saying that for the next few weekends, DJ can only use the car to drive the girls anywhere they want to go but that Stephanie and Michelle are also grounded. And that is the end of the Stephanie-and-Michelle-blackmail-DJ-into-into-letting-them-use-her-shit subplot.
Becky and Jesse convene at the full house after taking the twins to their separate activities and confirm that their quick-fix solution was completely successful. Jesse acknowledges that going to a support group for 3 minutes was the right thing to do and then the music comes on as he admits that he didn’t want to go to the group because he felt like it would expose what a shitty dad he is. Becky tells him that it’s important to admit it when problems arise and that if he’s gone this long without being called out on his cartoonishly inept parenting (not to mention his cartoonishly inept work ethic, musical talents, and ability to pay rent, to name a few) then he’s probably in the clear. Then they make out while the audience goes, “WHOOOOO!” which is an occurrence that actually bookends this episode. I wonder if someone actually planned that or if it just happened that way. I can’t think of any reason that it would be planned… I mean, it was an episode about parenting. Also, it’s not like any thought goes into this show at all.