Season 7, Episode 19, “Love on the Rocks”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle plays Simon Says with the twins.  She tells them to sit on the floor and they do it but then she points out that she did not say Simon Says.  One of them says, “who’s Simon?” and then the other one says some total gibberish that I couldn’t understand at all.  I almost thought that he said, “It’s Farsi,” which is a Persian language.  Anyway, Michelle explains the rules of Simon Says and then Jesse comes in and says to come and eat ice cream in the kitchen.  Michelle runs to go eat it but the twins stay put.  Jesse asks them why they don’t get up and one of them says, “can’t do it” and the other one says “issawoose.”  This is getting really frustrating.

Kimmie Gibbler comes over to the full house with her new boyfriend, Keanu.  When she introduces him to Danny she greets him as “T-Bag,” which is one of those cases where I can’t tell whether the writer is intentionally slipping in a dirty joke or just totally naive.  Steve discuses the movie they all just saw with DJ while Kimmie Gibbler makes out with Keanu and then Kimmie Gibbler comments on how boring and lame Steve and DJ are.  After Kimmie Gibbler takes her boyfriend home for some hot finger-banging, Steve tells DJ that he’s gonna be out of town next week to go to L.A. with his film class.  She doesn’t take the news very well because apparently that week is her vacation from school (I don’t know what vacation that would be but whatever).  He says that he’ll stay in town if she wants him to but she urges him to go, but then there’s a close up on her sad face as sad music plays during their hug.

Everyone in the full house is hella muthafuckin tired in the morning.  Joey comes down and he’s all spry and then Becky comes home and says that while she was driving to the health club she heard on the radio that it was 5 AM, which is 3 hours earlier than everyone in the full house thinks it is (I don’t know why she’d be driving to the health club instead of work but whatever).  Joey reveals that he changed all of the clocks in the house as a hilarious prank and everyone gets super pissed.  Danny tells him to pack his bags and move out and OH MY GOD THEY FINALLY DID IT!  THEY CAME TO THEIR SENSES AND KICKED JOEY OUT OF THE FULL HOUSE!  FINALLY SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT MADE SENSE!!!

Oh wait, never mind, it was just a throwaway line.  I knew it was too good to be true.  Anyway, everyone goes back to bed and then when Jesse tries to round up the twins one of them says “happubrefest.”  Seriously, this is bullshit.  Isn’t the first requirement of being on tv that you can speak coherently?  Every time one of the twins says anything there’s a close-up of them that makes it pretty clear that it’s shot independently of the rest of the scene.  I would be surprised if that kid didn’t do an hours worth of takes to get the highest quality line reading possible and the best he could do was “happubrefest”?  I sincerely have no idea what he’s saying.  “Happy birthday”?

Jesse replies to him by saying, “no, it’s not time for breakfast.”  Oh!  He said, “time for breakfast”?  I would have never figured that out in a million years. It’s weird because these aren’t the original twins so it’s not like they just stuck with the first babies they got and are trying to make due with their total inability to speak.  These kids were actually hired to say this stuff.

Becky notices that DJ isn’t going back to bed and asks her if anything’s wrong.  DJ says that she feels like things have cooled off between her and Steve so Becky tells her that she has to find out if their relationship can continue to develop beyond the initial attraction.  DJ points out that Becky and Jesse are still “hot for each other” and Beckys says that that’s pretty much the entire basis of their relationship but if you want to base a relationship on sex you have to, well, have sex.

Kimmie Gibbler and her boyfriend try to get DJ to come with them to some makeout party but DJ says that she’d feel weird going by herself, what with Steve being out of town and all.  The couple leaves and then everyone in the full house except for Joey surrounds DJ and lays out their revenge plan for Joey’s prank.  They’re going to tape the reading of the lotto numbers and buy what would have been a winning ticket, then they’ll switch the ticket with the one Joey will buy and play the tape when he wants to watch the current broadcast so he’ll think he won (they’ve never mentioned before that Joey plays the lottery ever week but whatever).

DJ stays home on Saturday night to watch the twins and wait for Steve to call her.  Steve calls and says that L.A. is super fucking cool and then he has to hang up abruptly because Suzanne Somers wants to use the payphone.

I guess that she’s supposed to be an impressive guest-star even though she’s just some lame actress from another crappy TGIF show.  Steve is so awed by her that he starts kissing her ass, saying that because of the Thigh Master, his mom has “the cutest buns on the whole block.”  Oh my god, who talks about their mom like that!??!  Anyway, after feeling burned by staying home for some crappy 2-minute phone call, DJ realizes that she needs to start having a life and stop being so lame and boring.

DJ goes mountain climbing with Kimmie Gibbler and her boyfriend.  She gets freaked out by how high up they are and asks them if they’re scared, too, and Kimmie Gibbler says, “I’m too dumb to be scared,” which struck me as pretty odd.  I guess you can just chalk that up to lazy writing.  I mean, it’s not an allusion or anything.  Why would anyone ever say something like that about themselves?

Anyway, DJ has a moment of self-doubt during the climb but then Kimmie Gibbler, through little more than absent-minded indifference, coaxes her to the top.  Once she’s up there, DJ finds the stock images of a beautiful horizon to be quite inspiring.

DJ comes home and finds Steve waiting for her and he’s hella mad because he just got back from L.A. and they had a date that she stood him up for.  DJ says that she’s been doing hella stuff while he’s been out of town and basically forgot all about him.  Apparently a week has passed between the last scene and this one.  It’s usually pretty easy to convey a quick passage of time on tv but this one seems really inorganic and abrupt for some reason.  Steve accuses DJ of being negligent to get back at him for going out of town and then she straight up kicks him out of the full house.

Everyone gathers around to observe Joey as he watches the reading of the lottery numbers, which certainly wouldn’t arouse suspicion.  They all stand around giggling and smiling as Joey grows increasingly enthusiastic while the pre-recorded lottery broadcast rattles off the numbers from the ticket they’ve bought him.  After Joey is fooled into thinking that he’s won, Danny and Jesse argue over who gets to smell the lottery ticket (I’m not even making that up) and then they “accidentally” throw it into the fire (I don’t know why they only ever have a fire in the fireplace at oddly convenient times like this but whatever).  Joey attempts to jump into the fire after the ticket but Danny and Jesse stop him because I guess that severely burning Joey’s flesh wasn’t part of their prank (although it certainly would have made me laugh).

Everyone tells Joey that they played a prank on him but then while they explain how they did it he tells them that there wasn’t a tape in the vcr and that they really were watching the actual current lottery reading.  Even thought that would mean that the exact same lottery numbers won two weeks in a row, everyone believes Joey and then they attempt to get the ticket out of the fire.  Once they realize that it’s too late and the ticket has been destroyed, Joey tells them that he tricked them and knew that it was all a ruse all along because he saw the tape in the vcr earlier, which was labelled, “joke on Joey.”

Wait… if Joey knew that it was all a joke, why did he get all hysterically excited when his numbers were read?  And why did he try to jump into the fireplace?  Just to play up his own ruse?  That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.  Anyway, Joey smugly walks away after declaring himself the king of pranks but then a bucket of water spills all over him as he walks into the kitchen and everyone yells “April fools!” at him.  So, wait… does that mean that they all anticipated that he would figure out their prank and do a retaliatory prank so they set this up as the finale? If they really were able to anticipate this ping-ponging of pranks then you’d think that they’d have come up with something a little more clever for the final outcome.  I mean, a bucket of water?  They might as well have just kicked him in the nuts.

Danny finds DJ up late drinking tea and they start talking about her relationship with Steve.  She says that she feels like they’re not on the same wavelength anymore and that they’ve been together so long that she doesn’t even know who she is anymore.  Danny tells her that she should talk to Steve about the feelings that she’s having, which is the most obvious and redundant advice that he could have possibly given her, and then they hug.

DJ takes Steve on the same climb that she went on earlier (partially because she likes the view, but also because a new spot would require a different set) and he totally doesn’t appreciate it.  She says that they need to talk about their relationship because the magic isn’t there anymore and he’s like, “well, it’s been almost 2 years… Maybe it’s time you let me get to second base?”  They both agree that things aren’t going anywhere between them and DJ still refuses to let him touch even one of her boobs, not even just over her shirt, so they realize that their relationship has transformed into a friendship.  They agree that the idea of breaking up is pretty scary but then the music comes on, which helps them realize that it’s a fear that they’ll have to learn how to face.

They hug each other goodbye (which is their equivalent of break-up sex) and then, as they’re about to head back down the mountain, DJ takes one last look at the stock photo of the view and tells herself, “I’m going to be ok.”

That was actually the most mature and insightful episode of Full House ever.  I mean, it was really dumb and not funny at all, but at least it wasn’t totally pointless.  This show ends every episode with some sort of a lesson and they’re often misguided, sometimes to an insulting or even dangerous degree, but this moral, about how young girls shouldn’t stay in stagnant relationships just because they’re comfortable, is actually a pretty good one.

 

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235 Responses to Season 7, Episode 19, “Love on the Rocks”

  1. xiomara says:

    This blog is amazing! My sister and I watched this show as kids and would always crack up at how corny and cheesy these characters were. Reading your blog made me youtube full house and i found this : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbWDtD_K4dw It’s how Full House should of ended. FUNNIEST thing I’ve ever seen. (:

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Kind of like the Edward Gorey story,
      A is for Amy who fell down the stairs
      B is for Basil devoured by bears
      C is for Clara who wasted away.

      He wrote an alphabet book about 26 kids who all met an untimely end.

      Like

    • Jessie says:

      If that’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen, you need to do more internet.

      Like

  2. deebiedoobie says:

    Another great review. By this point in the series, I’m absolutely sick of the twins. I feel like they’re just there to fill the space as Jesse and Becky’s kids, and they have no like able quality whatsoever. At least with Michelle, younger viewers can get a kick out of her manipulation and spoiled nature because they’re probably just like her, but the twins are absolutely boring and annoying. I didn’t think it was possible to be both. There has to be an award for that.

    Also, another thing that really grinds my gears about parents who “have children” on a TV show: the kids are ALWAYS blonde, unless the parents aren’t white. This pisses me off to no end. Jesse and Becky are both dark-haired. They should have had dark-haired kids. That’s how biology works (Punnett Square, anyone?). This happens in so many TV shows. It’s like a Hollywood requirement that in a white family, there must be at least one blonde. Does Hollywood have a vendetta against brunettes or something? Go on, name one TV show with a white family where no one is blonde. I dare you.

    Sorry for the sudden rant, but it had to be said.

    Like

    • CathySantone says:

      I think Joey secretly fathered all the kids. DJ, Stephanie, Michelle and the twins… Shudder

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        CathySantone, I think you’re right! I waited for season 9 to see if that would be the big reveal! Maybe Joey falls in the same category as Deuce Bigalow! If you saw that movie, Deuce’s john Reggie says, “Deucy, you have a way of satisfying a woman that would sicken a normal man!”

        Like

      • Michelle's acting coach says:

        D.J.’s middle name is Joe. Maybe THAT’s why Joey has been living there all this time. He has a Pop’s Secret.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I thought DJ’s middle name was Margaret! Billy said on the blog about the Oat Boats that the girls called each other “Stephanie Judith” and “Donna Jo Margaret!”. Jesse frowned and said, “Margaret?”. I know my nephew Ryan’s middle name because it’s Alexander and that was my grandfather Eugene and second cousin Jake’s middle name. My niece Lauren’s middle name is Elizabeth and sometimes we call her Lauren Lizard-Breath like Michael did to his sister Elizabeth in “For Better or for Worse.”. My brother Burke doesn’t have a middle name, but sometimes I call him Burke Coco Guesenheit Dennings Hainline. There was an alcoholic movie director in “The Exorcist” named Burke Dennings.

        Like

      • Sara says:

        What the hell are you talking about? That was a weird rant… Do you really think anyone cares what your second cousins middle ne is and what you call your brother? WTF

        Liked by 2 people

      • Bridget says:

        Sara, I’m sorry, but when I get on this name thing, it’s hard to stop me! I own about 3 name dictionaries and when I hear a name I think is cool like Arabella and Eustacia, I read about them a lot!

        Like

      • katie says:

        This response is really to Sara but for some reason it’s not letting me respond directly to her.

        Sara, Bridget is a commenting icon here. Her stories are always entertaining and amusing. No need to be rude to her, she’s a very friendly person and doesn’t deserve it.

        Keep on commenting, Bridget. I love hearing from you every week!

        Liked by 1 person

      • RachWho? says:

        Ditto what Katie said.

        Sometimes I try to imagine what subjects (other than Davy Jones, the Monkees in general, the Duggars, or her former employers) Bridget might touch on but I never get close. She’s commenting gold, baby. She never disappoints.

        Like

      • lovetolaugh says:

        I third what Katie said! Always love Bridget’s comments 🙂

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Katie and Rachel, thank you! The blog cheers me up because job hunting and the rejections are not very nice! I took classes in medical terminology and all that, but haven’t gotten any medical filing jobs. My medical computer class gave me a nervous breakdown, though. The teacher I had for the class is gonna teach a human anatomy class and I don’t want her to remember me as the lady who had a breakdown! I want to go into coding. I remember abdominal mass as 789.30 by thinking, I was 30 years old on July 8, 2009 when I discovered the mass. Thanks to the Duggar family, I passed the childbirth medical terminology chapter on that! I finished the cross stitch owl on black, two black bear cubs, and fishing flies for my brother. I am now in crochet and the hooking is relaxing! I also read and write stories and can find mistakes in job postings as well. I do wish Buy Seasons would not have wound up in the red! I also hope society doesn’t turn into a “Hunger Games” dystopia or like the one in “The Purge” with Ethan Hawke. In that movie, crime and unemployment are at 1% except for one night a year when everyone can break the law however they want to.

        Like

      • Non-Jerk Michelle says:

        Agreed on not being rude to Bridget, or anyone else on here for that matter. We aren’t here to cut each other’s comments up, we’re here to read Billy’s take on the series and to laugh. Respect your fellow readers.

        Like

      • Billy Superstar says:

        bridget hainline is like the wu tang clan around these parts, in that she aint nuthin to fuck with.

        Like

      • Grant Spatchcock says:

        Wow, I really think this is has been the first cutting remark I’ve ever seen on here against a fellow commenter in all the years this blog has been going.
        I’m all for discussion and debate,but I’m also all for tact.

        Makes me proud to be a part of one of the friendliest sites and comment sections I’ve ever experienced.

        Like

      • Angela says:

        Add me to the list of Bridget supporters here. I like her totally random tangents, we get into some interesting discussions as a result.

        If one doesn’t like the comments someone makes, you can always just skip on by.

        Like

      • Laura says:

        I love Bridget’s comments as well! 🙂

        Like

      • Becki says:

        I’m sorry, but I cannot reply to Sara’s comment but I agree. I’m not trying to be rude,but why all the rants about topics that have nothing to do with Full House?

        Like

      • Grant Spatchcock says:

        I can’t reply directly to Becki, but here is my response. Full House may have bought us all together, but it is the camaraderie of the comment section that has helped us form a little community. I like learning little snippets about my fellow FHR fans. I like when people go off on tangents. It would be a boring old world if off topic discussions were never allowed in any situation.
        So Bridget, if you are ever looking back through old comments and see this, just remember that we appreciate you and your contributions.

        Like

      • Full House Expert says:

        I’m actually team Sara. The rant on Bridget’s family names was a little weird. And everyone being so cliquey and talking about commenting icons etc are just annoying. Grow up and get a life outside of the internet! I love Billy’s style of writing and I LOVE this blog, I’m here to discuss Full House and Billy’s hilarity. If you guys like each other so much, exchange phone numbers, start a club and talk about your second cousins middle names all you want!

        Like

      • Lisa says:

        I’m team Sara too. I am all for polite, friendly Internet commenting, and I am sure Bridget is a lovely person and in no way does she (or anyone else) deserve unkindness, but for me her off-topic comments are the only part of this blog that I’m not a fan of. I’m kind of mystified by why she has gotten so much defense when I feel like anyone else who posted so many rambling bizarre self-referential comments would be totally made fun of, even on this kind and friendly blog. I think long-time readers know that Billy defends Bridget, so few will speak up, but I just wanted to put it out there that Sara is not alone in her feelings.

        Like

      • kenzington says:

        My theory is that the only child actually fathered by Danny is Kimmy Gibbler, which is why all the adults are so rude and uncomfortable around her.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Kenzington, that sort of reminds me of “The Thorn Birds.”. Luke fathered Meggie’s baby Justine and Father Ralph fathered Dane. I don’t think Dane knew the truth of his parentage! I will go one better: Kimmy’s mom and Pam were in the same hospital together and Pam gave birth to Kimmy and Kimmy’s mom had DJ. Sometime between baths and feelings, there was a baby swap and the Gibbler baby went home with the Tanner family and the Tanner baby who was Kimmy went home with the Gibblers. I’ll clear this up: in 1978, Kimberly Mays who was born Arlena Twigg went home with the Mays family, while Arlena who was born Kimberly Mays went home with the Twiggs. DJ was supposed to be a Gibbler and Kimmy was supposed to be a Tanner! The switch at birth case of Rebecca Chittum and Callie Johnson is way more confusing, though!

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        I accept this head-canon!

        Like

      • Angela says:

        …this storyline, I like it.

        Only thing I’d say is that Kimmy’s too cool for the Tanner family. But since we only know Pam via what the family’s said about her, maybe she was cool like Kimmy was, too?

        Like

      • Angela says:

        Well, there was that one episode with the love note where Becky thought Joey was attracted to her… I know that note was Rusty’s doing, but still…maybe he sensed something?

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Rusty knew too much and they had to get rid of him!

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        He’s under the slab in the backyard now.

        Like

      • Angela says:

        Yeah! Like most of the guys’ girlfriends, and the gay sex boat, and so on, he’s “mysteriously disappeared”.

        Like

      • Jessica says:

        i know I am super late to this blog, and you may never see this but if you do, Bridget, I love you and all your comments!!! They are amazing!!! I hope the job hunting has worked out for you. I’m in that same boat now!!

        Like

    • lovetolaugh says:

      While I agree that it is a bit strange that all of these dark-haired parents produce blonde kiddies, it is indeed possible, even based on the Punnett Square.

      I apologize, this brings out the science geek in me. As long as both parents carry a recessive gene for blonde hair, there is a possibility of them have a blonde child. Clearly blonde hair is prominent in Jesse’s family, what with his late sister and his three neices all being blonde. So, although it is not likely, it is possible.

      I see what you are saying, though, about so many sitcom kids being blonde, particularly the youngest child. Maybe producers felt that the toe-headed look was the embodiment of American cuteness and innocence?

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        Lovetolaugh, toe headed like a head in the shape of a toe?

        Like

      • lovetolaugh says:

        Bridget, yep, like Joey’s head! 🙂

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I genuinely laughed at that when Joey though towheaded meant head like a toe! On Cheers Woody thought Mr. Gaines called Kelly a butter headed tow ball.

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        My brother, as an infant, was once considered for a part in a movie, but they didn’t cast him because the kid the baby grew into had dark hair and my brother had… slightly blond-ish hair. I find this so weird. Most Caucasians that I know of don’t have the same color hair that they are born with. It changes over time. I guess the producers are assuming that their audience is so dull that they will be confused if they don’t show a dark-haired baby for continuity?

        Like

      • Grant Spatchcock says:

        Can we assume that Pam was dark haired like her brother? And Danny is dark haired. Yet their girls all blonde.
        In my family, my parents are both dark haired, as am I, yet my brother and sister are strawberry blonde, and my grandfather was a redhead.

        Like

      • deebiedoobie says:

        Actually, we learn that Pam was actually blonde. In the season 2 episode, “Goodbye, Mr. Bear,” when the Tanners are watching a home video about Michelle being born, we see Pam briefly, and she was blonde.

        Like

      • Grant Spatchcock says:

        Good catch, DeebieDoobie!

        Like

      • TayciBear says:

        I am half black and half white. My white side are all blondes. My husband has almost black hair and his family all have dark hair. My oldest has tan skin like me and blonde hair. My youngest has red hair, blue eyes, and extremely pale skin. None of my kids have curly hair. Genetics isn’t very cut and dry.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Did you see the Cheerios commercial with the white mother, the black father, and their biracial daughter? It kicked up a hornet’s nest of controversy! My mother went to school in the 1960s or so with a biracial girl named Michael and I always wondered how both sets of grandparents reacted to Michael after her birth? Back in the 1940s when she was born, whites and blacks were separated from each other in restaurants, movie theatres, and bathrooms.

        Like

      • Becki says:

        Love to Laugh, you are correct. As a child I had strawberry blonde hair,while both my parents have almost black hair. By seventh grade my hair had darkened to a dark brown, and now that I am forty years old my hair is almost black.

        Like

      • Full House Expert says:

        True. It’s possible. Lori Loughlin, aka Rebecca Donaldson, is of Irish decent (and looks REALLY good with blonde high lights in real life.) Maybe if she hadn’t gone all dark grunge with her hair in the 90’s, the blonde kids would’ve made more sense. Also, they’re Californians, I think blonde is a way of life out there.

        Like

      • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

        Not to mention that in the Wedding Montage of Jermsey and Rebecca’s Wedding, Hermes had blonde hair as a kid in an early teenage photo. Actually, John Stamos was more of a blonde growing up according to friends and family.

        Like

    • Bridget says:

      Deebiedoobie, it is possible for two dark-haired people to have a blond child. I think of Charles and Caroline Ingalls and daughter Mary. Laura the brown-haired one said Mary had golden hair. It drives me nuts when they have blond actresses play LIW in movies and she had brown hair. At least Melissa Gilbert as Laura had brown hair! In my neighborhood a lot of the towheaded kids have dark-haired parents. I think when they cast movies based on real life events, hair color or lack of it should be taken in mind! I am amused when actors with hair play Anne Frank’s balding father. I am sure Sara Weaver who has long black hair wondered why blond actress Kirsten Dunst played her in “Ruby Ridge.”. Laura Dern who was Vicki Weaver in the movie at least had dark hair like the real lady did! As for the twins, they should subtitle like they do when someone speaks another language like in other shows!

      Like

      • Numbskull says:

        Danny’s wife is blonde if you’ve ever seen the flashbacks from when she was alive. She was Jesse’s sister too so he had some blonde juices in him.

        Like

      • Melanie says:

        I love how absolutely no one else looks Greek in that bloodline BUT Jesse. Which would make sense since John Stamos made up the Greek thing himself, after the fact.

        Like

    • MarkNS says:

      “Jesse and Becky are both dark-haired. They should have had dark-haired kids. That’s how biology works ” No, it isn’t. Both Becky and Jesse could have a dominant dark hair gene and the recessive blond hair gene which would cause them both to have dark hair. If they both happened to pass their recessive blond genes to their kids, the kids would have blond hair.

      Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        Yup. It’s not all that common, but it happens. My cousin and her husband, both dark-haired and brown-eyed, have a blonde, blue-eyed son. Recessive genes. Recessive genes everywhere.

        Like

      • Becki says:

        MarkNS, you are right. I have dark brown hair and brown eyes. My husband has brown hair and blue eyes. Our daughter is blue eyed.

        Like

    • Jenni says:

      Even Stevens.

      Like

    • ChimChims says:

      Two years late to the party, but hubs and I are brunette with two blonde kids. I agree they overuse blondes on TV, but it isn’t impossible for two brunettes to have blondes. 🙂

      Like

    • E says:

      Gilmore girls. All the girls have brown hair except for Paris.

      Like

  3. RoxyHelen says:

    “Go on, name one TV show with a white family where no one is blonde. I dare you. ”
    Gilmore Girls(The Gimore family)
    Parenthood(The Graham family, The Hoyt fam)
    Grey’s Anatomy(Grey-Sheperd)
    Private Practice(the Friedmans, montgomery-riley, turner-wilder)
    Ghost Whisperer(the clancy family)
    Two and a half men(Jake)
    Sex and the city(Samantha’s kid)

    Look I agree it makes no sense that the kids are blond and that a lot of kids are blond on tv, but there are plenty tv shows with no blond kids especially nowadays 🙂

    Like

    • deebiedoobie says:

      Haha, I guess you’re right. I just got carried away there by my biggest TV pet peeve.

      Like

      • catwalkspy says:

        Most of those are not sitcoms. I totally get what she’s saying about sitcom children. Comedy=Blonde Children. Drama=Dark Haired Children. (For the most part)

        Like

      • garrett7m says:

        Samantha from Sex and the City had a kid?!! What the hell are you talking about?

        Like

      • Stacy says:

        I think that was a brain fart and they meant Miranda. Also if you go by the movies, both of Charlotte’s children are dark haired – even the biological one, though we can’t be super sure of what Harry’s hair color is. :-p

        Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        Because blondes have more fun! Duh!

        Like

    • Grant Spatchcock says:

      Modern Family?

      Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        Yup. And The Middle. As for “traditional” sitcoms with a laugh track/studio audience… Eh, I got nothin’.

        Like

      • Memon says:

        Claire’s hair on modern family is blonde, but she’s not a child I guess. Watch them make the baby blonde even though his mother is Columbian.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        The woman who plays Gloria is a natural blond I heard! She just changed her hair color to look more ethnic.

        Like

  4. Jake Bitterman says:

    Great review. The stuff about Nicki and Alex speaking gibberish had me laughing out loud in my cubicle. I remember the one thing I always thought about this episode was how the family didnt realize that for Joey to be reverse-pranking them, that would mean the lottery was the exact same two weeks in a row. Pretty sure if that happened the Feds would be involved.

    Of course D.J. gets mad that Steve is going away. Why would he take an awesome opportunity for his life and career when he could sit on the Tanners couch and not touch D.J.’s boobs? Again, its all about the Tanners.

    I always notice how in the 90’s, the kids in tv shows were super pure like DJ. Now, on all those CW shows, they are huge whores. Why is it one extreme or the other? Has there ever actually been a show where high school teenagers were not opposed to sexual activity if it was with the right person under the right circumstances, but at the same time weren’t huge coked up sluts?

    Finally, the break-up was a good scene, and you are right about the message. Its funny because the last time I complimented a scene was the break-up of Danny and Vicki. Could it be that that is the one thing these writers do fairly competently? Like the upcoming episode where Kareem Abdul-Jabar realizes that Jesse has a sweet spot, and despite sucking at basketball, he can hit that one shot every time? I think I get it, break-ups are the FH writers sweet spot!

    Or maybe audiences just conditioned to have feelings for characters in that situation because we’ve all been there. Its like being happy for the couple in a rom-com when they get together in the end. Its impossible for writers to mess those scenes up unless they are complete morons. Alright, enough of my rambling, great review and I’m already looking forward to next Friday.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Bitterman, Billy will have to blind himself next week and I won’t say why!

      Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        Yup. Get the brain bleach ready, Billy!

        Like

      • lovetolaugh says:

        Bahhh my curiosity over this forced me to look up next week’s episode…ahh! Memories that I have been repressing for years, ones that could have driven me therapy at that tender age….they have all resurfaced 😦

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Kind of like when “The Simpsons” went to Brazil and Homer and Bart walked on the beach in Speedos!

        Like

      • Grant Spatchcock says:

        Oh sweet zombie jesus, I’m afraid now.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Grant, picture the well built male ballet dancers from “Black Swan” and know they are the antithesis of Joey! Have you seen “Black Swan”?

        Like

  5. lovetolaugh says:

    Happy Friday, everyone!

    Nice review, Billy. I completely agree that this is one of the most mature, well-crafted episodes of the series. Not only does it each an appropriate lesson, it elicits more genuine emotion than most of the other episodes do. Maybe it’s because DJ and Steve are the only two slightly relatable characters on this show, but I do genuinely do feel for them here. Sometimes two people who are very much in love outgrow each other for obscure reasons, and the love just dies. It can be hard to come to terms with.

    Also, although I always find the jokes involving DJ and Steve’s seemingly sexless relationship to be hilarious, that’s actually one aspect of the show that I understand. The reviews are, of course, written from a modern-day perspective, so it’s easy to forget that these episodes were filmed in the early 90s. That was before someone realized that, hey, maybe it’s better to preach contraception and safe sex practices than to pretend that sex among teenagers is virtually nonexistent. Back then, they just weren’t going to portray a teenage girl as being sexually active. It wasn’t just Full House: There were never insinuations of Zack and Kelly having sex, and even Cory and Topanga, who pretty much came out of the womb with hard-ons for one another, supposedly waited until marriage. It’s just the way sitcoms were back then.

    ***Okay, and I’m placing my snark cap on real tight****

    Who wants to bet me that, even if Joey had won millions of dollars in the lottery, he would still be shacking up in the full house and refusing to contribute a penny toward food or room/board?

    Danny (in a serious tone): Joey, you know we’ve loved having you here all of these years, but….

    Joey (getting nervous): What, Danny? What is it?

    Danny: Well, now that you’re a multi-millionaire and are probably thinking about starting a family of your own sometime soon, I was thinking that maybe it’s time you start looking for a pl —

    Joey (sweat pouring down his face, panicking): You’re kicking me out? Why?! Danny, once the taxes were deducted I didn’t even get THAT much money from the lottery. Plus I got Michelle that pony, so yeah, I gotta stay here. The twins will continue to need an accomplice in their zany schemes as they get older.

    Danny: Can you at least contribute a bit toward food shopping?

    Joey: I will give you some money for the vanilla weasels, since I’m the only one who eats those. But that’s the best I can do.

    Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend!

    Like

    • Sally says:

      The only justification I can offer for these shows and their inability to acknowledge the slightest bit of sexual activity among their teen characters is the fact that these shows are clearly targeted to very young children. Saved by the Bell and Boy Meets World especially were in no way targeted to the age group of their characters. That being said, very young children would not understand the sexual references and making out really did seem like second base to them. That’s all I can offer. So the other 85% of their viewers had to suffer with the most preachy, condescending and painfully boring relationship storylines because of that. Blah!

      Like

    • Lisa says:

      Since you brought up Cory and Topanga, I’m interested in seeing how their daughter turns out on Girl Meets World. Will the writers make her have sex in high school or won’t they? It’s a different decade, but it’s still going to be a show for young kids.

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        All of you, “Family Ties” had no problem with the parents talking about sex to the children. Mallory wanted to sleep with her boyfriend Jeff and Alex was disturbed by this because she was 16 or maybe 17. He called sex “bringing someone into your teepee” and admitted he lost his V card on Leap Year! She and Jeff didn’t do it. Both of them were afraid and it would have been traumatic for them! Another episode had Masters & Johnson mentioned and the private school girl on the teen trivia show whispered in Steven’s ear what that was! To teach the evils of unprotected sex, one of Mallory’s friends Cindy got pregnant and was scared to tell her uptight mother. Cindy’s mom admitted that she was a teen slut who made so many mistakes! At the end, you didn’t know if Cindy had a boy, a girl, multiples, an abortion or put the kid up for adoption. At least Juno in “Juno” realized she was going to be a lousy mom and she put the baby up for adoption!

        Like

      • Laura says:

        I doubt they will because it’s going to be on Disney Channel and they don’t tend to deal with that kind of stuff there. There’s also the fact that she’s going to be 11 or 12 at the start of the series and it depends on how long it goes on for.

        Like

    • Angela says:

      The vanilla weasels bit. Nice touch :D. That conversation entertained me.

      Fully agreed on DJ and Steve’s relationship. I too totally get what Billy’s saying with the jokes here, but at the same time, their relationship was kind of sweet and cute as it was, too. They did have a nice chemistry together.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Ryan says:

    “DJ still refuses to let him touch even one of her boobs, not even just over her shirt”

    I LOLed.

    The lines about the twins and the “happubrefest” were hilarious.

    Like

  7. I so don’t remember dj and steve breaking up, though with no boobage after 2 years that seems the most-plausible outcome.
    also, I can’t believe u gave full house even a little bit of credit. having to do that must make u hate the show even more, lol.

    Like

  8. I say things says:

    Why would trying to convince Joey he won the lottery even be a good prank? He doesn’t spend money on anything anyway, why would he even care enough to play the lottery? What’s he going to do, not mooch off of people? Doubt it.

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      He’d do the Geoffrey dance. But… then that would be it.

      Like

    • Angela says:

      Yeah, I’m mystified about the whole point of that prank, too. I could think of more…I don’t want to say “mean”, necessarily, but…devilish, shall we say?…pranks that would be better. Maybe one that scares him into thinking he’s going to have to move out, for instance :p.

      Like

  9. seasoned salt says:

    when I first watched the show I remember hating Jesse most of all the characters. now I realize that I hate the twins more. Which can be directly correlated to them being Jesse’s progeny. so it comes full circle.

    Like

  10. Sarah says:

    Why didn’t the family notice how dark it was outside, if they thought it was 8AM and it was really 5. You can even see through the windows how dark it’s supposed to be out there.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      You’re right, Sarah! I mean, didn’t Becky’s car have a digital clock that would light up when it’s dark? I think everyone on this board drives cars with a digital clock in the console. Five AM and eight AM have different degrees of sun. At 5 AM, the sun is trying to come up and at 8 AM, the sun is basically up. There is always the wrist watch factor. I own two watches and if the family is like me, they would check their watch for the right time unless Joey monkeyed with those as well!

      Like

    • katie says:

      More importantly, why are they up at 8am on a Saturday anyways? You can’t drag me out before 10.

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        Katie, read “You Miss Your Familiar Friends” and the one who runs that blog about FH said they would MURDER Joey’s ass if he woke them up at 5 am! We’re all sleep deprived as is! Stephen King says it takes 7 minutes to fall asleep and 30 minutes to wake up, so I guess we’re zombies when we get our coffee or go to the bathroom!

        Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        I love how he refers to Michelle as “Ug”.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        He refers to Stephanie as Methanie, although I think this blog runner is a girl because she talks about the Baby Sitters Club.

        Like

      • Angela says:

        THIS.

        Although there are some Saturdays I do have to be up early, because I have to work-today, for instance, I went into work at 9:30, so I was up around 8 getting ready. But I did get out at 2:30 and don’t have to work the rest of the weekend, so hey… But yeah, if it’s a Saturday where I don’t have any plans, I’m sleeping in as long as humanly possible.

        Like

    • Stacy says:

      When I was in junior high I woke up suddenly and looked at the clock and freaked out – I was going to be really late for school.

      So I get dressed in a rush, go into my parent’s bedroom, and yell, “I’m going to school!” – in a pissed tone because they didn’t wake me up. (I have never been a morning person, so I’d never have gone to school if they didn’t drag me out of bed each morning.)

      I storm off to the front door, with them chasing after me saying it was 5 in the morning (or whatever time it was). I am insistent that it was actually 7 something.

      I fling open the front door and am puzzled by the utter darkness outside. About this time, a parent had grabbed my shirt and was trying to yank me back into the house before I stormed off into the dark.

      Sure enough it was really 5 something and I had read the digital clock wrong.

      Granted, my indignation was clouding my reasoning in the moment regarding the darkness. But I DID notice it and in my total insistence that it was several hours later, couldn’t wrap my head around WHY it was so dark.

      So all that rambling to say, if someone doesn’t notice it is DARK when normally it is light at a certain time, they are way too oblivious/gullible for words.

      Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Or still mostly asleep! 😀

        Like

      • Stacy says:

        Good point. I have NEVER been a morning person. And I’m definitely a 8+ hours per night person. So I was definitely out of it that morning. Though that adrenaline had me moving fast. lol

        Like

      • Angela says:

        LOL, oh, my god, that’s a great story (well, I’ve no doubt it wasn’t that funny at the time, given you were likely tired and obviously freaked out…but looking back it’d be kind of amusing).

        The one upside to those sorts of mistakes? You realize you can go back to bed and still catch a bit more shut-eye.

        Like

      • Stacy says:

        Yeah, it wasn’t so amusing in the moment but it was funny later (and since).

        Though for the life of me, I can’t figure out why I was so damned determined to go to school. I didn’t like school (even though my grades were excellent and the schoolwork part was easy for me) – I mean junior high sucks. You’d think I’d have been eager to roll with my parents accidentally not waking me up and giving me a day off. lol

        Like

  11. RoxyHelen says:

    The twins got hired based on “cute factor”. Their mother practically said so in an interview.Apparently, the casting director gave the kids the job after one of them climbed into John Stamos’ lap and kissed him.They all thought that was sweet and voila, the twins were hired.Screw their (lack of) english speaking abilities :))

    Like

  12. RoxyHelen says:

    I just watched the pre credit gag and I dare suggest that the twin says(read tries to say) “It’s a rouse”(as in Jesse is trying to trick them into losing the game by not saying Simon says before the order) hence the “issawoose”.

    At least the Olsen twins could speak, altough frankly, now that I think about it, I would have preffered they didn’t, considering every word that came out of Michelle’s mouth was ANNOYING to no END!

    Like

    • Richard says:

      “It’s the rules.”

      Like

    • Grant Spatchcock says:

      I love that! The twins are actually super intelligent but lack the ability to articulate themselves. They alone are aware of the insanity in the Full House.

      Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Ahh, God. Now I’m imagining this show from the POV of the twins. What if their unintelligible language skills are actually well-articulated conversations but we can’t figure it out because the Full House is situated in an alternate universe where the inhabitants of said house make some sort of sense.
        I… I think my brain just shorted out. I smell smoke and almonds.

        Like

      • Grant Spatchcock says:

        It’s like something from that zone… you know, the twilighty one.

        Like

      • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

        You brain is filled with almonds? That’s not good for a guy like me who is allergic to almonds.

        Like

      • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

        Your* 🙂

        Like

  13. Michelle's acting coach says:

    Congratulations, Danny. You managed to get Joey’s hair wet. Not only are you going to have to mop up the puddle yourself, but it in no way makes up for the giant prank Joey has played on you the past 7 years: Tricking you into room and board in exchange for NOTHING.

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      But… he’s paying Danny room and board in the form of free entertainment! You know, spot-on imitations and ventriloquism, and super-funny jokes!

      Like

  14. Staplerhed says:

    That looks like the same outdoor rocks and trees set from season 5 episode 22 when Danny rides a donkey up a mountain.

    Also, this late in the series, a non-Michelle-centered episode is quite refreshing.

    Like

    • DawnieP says:

      I agree. An episode that is not centered on Michelle is quite a treat.

      Like

      • RoxyHelen says:

        Sorry to ruin it for you, but the next 2 episodes are pretty much Michelle centered and then there’s the season finale(2 parts) which also features that brat quite proeminently…So, I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted ha ha 🙂

        Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      I agree with all of these things. It’s a little sad how excited we get about non-Michelle episodes 😀

      Like

      • lovetolaugh says:

        But there’s so much more to snark with a Michelle-centric episode than there is with a DJ-centric episode. That’s the only positive 🙂

        Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        Even the Comet-centric episode is really Michelle-centric because her dumbass uncle let her walk him by herself.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I agree how dumb it is to let a small kid walk a large dog by themselves! If Lauren wants to walk our golden Buddy we walk with her. I saw a black 2 year old newfoundland dog named Zappa at the library and my reaction was, “Whoa, did you eat a dog?”. He was a nice dog, but a giant! Imagine if Comet was a Newfoundland!

        Like

      • Becki says:

        Who is Lauren?

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        She’s my 8 year old niece. She has a 9 year old brother named Ryan and they are the kids of my brother Burke and wife Dawn. Ryan looks like Dawn in drag while Lauren favors Burke and her other aunt Julie (Dawn’s sister).

        Like

    • JMo says:

      Don’t forget the episode many seasons ago when Joey and Jesse went up this same mountain to get video of a fox for some stupid shit they were working on.

      Like

  15. Bridget says:

    I always thought the late John Ritter was the most talented one on “Three’s Company” with Suzanne Somers being the least talented! Sophia on “The Golden Girls” once said about the ladies’ interests in singing, dancing, and comedy, “There was more untalented singing, dancing, and comedy than a Suzanne Somers Special!”. I thought John Ritter was wonderful in the dramatic roles he had in “It”, “The Dreamer of Oz” and the true story where he was a man who poisoned his current wife, ex-wife, and almost did the same to his own daughter! It is sad when a performer dies young because you don’t know how much more than they can do! Let’s have a moment of silence for James Gandolfini!

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      John Ritter had a fantastic sense of comedic timing.

      Like

    • Melanie says:

      I don’t even know how you got from Ritter to Gandolfini, but I approve.

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        Both John Ritter and James Gandolfini were middle aged when they died of heart attacks. I guess in heaven the two of them are in the Heart Club with Davy Jones. I don’t say that to be mean, but all three are performing and enjoying themselves! It was determined that John Ritter and dad Tex died of the same heart problem and I think before anyone has kids, they should determine if they are a carrier for a potentially fatal disease that could kill their child! All of these were nice guys. When Jett Travolta died, James stayed with the Travolta family until John told him he could go home. I wish Charles Manson would have dropped dead instead!

        Like

      • Angela says:

        Bridget, my mom says the same thing all the time whenever some decent person dies unexpectedly. “How is it they’re gone and Charles Manson is still alive and kicking?” The world is not a fair place a lot of the time, sadly.

        I remember being truly shocked upon hearing of John Ritter’s death. Same with James Gandolfini. *Has a moment of silence, as requested* It sucks when we’re robbed of true talent.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Angela, as weird as it sounds, I am comforted by what VC Andrews said about death in Flowers in the Attic. She said death is not as terrible as people think and Cathy will always remember her father as young, strong and handsome, not as old and wasting away! In the same story, Carrie said that God took the trees and grass to Heaven because their father loved those things when he was alive. I like to think of Elvis Presley mowing the lawn in Heaven because he was the one who did that job at Graceland when he was alive because he liked doing it.

        Like

      • Angela says:

        I fully agree with this outlook :). I actually think the same thing, too, about doing in death what you loved in life. My dad worked as a radio DJ, and I like to think, if one’s spirit does indeed go somewhere after death, that he’s off in heaven or wherever right now meeting up and hanging out with all the big name musicians, some of which he idolized when he was younger, who’ve passed on over the years :D. It’s just comforting to think that your loved ones are happy and content doing what they loved in some other life.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I like the SNL skit with Will Farrell as Jesus as a music producer of Rock and Roll Heaven. When JC signed up a hot new act, he said, “I listened to them and I was like, Oh my dad!”

        Like

      • Angela says:

        Hahaha, YES! I loved that skit, it was cute.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        That was a cute skit! I wasn’t crazy about the SNL skit of Djesus Uncrossed and so many audience members were laughing uneasily, unsure if levity was needed! I thought the skit was insulting towards the Bible and Quentin Tarantino!

        Like

      • Stacy says:

        Right before my dad died and he was in this sorta comatose state, I asked him to find out if Elvis REALLY died on August 16, 1977 (not to be like Jesse but I’m a big Elvis fan – even have an Elvis room in my house). I told my dad that he could haunt me – just not in the evil chains and moaning way and be sure to let me know what was up with Elvis.

        Unfortunately, he hasn’t gotten back to me on that. And it’s going on 4 years. I guess I’ll never know if Elvis really died on that date.

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Sperm says:

    Five more weeks until Lou Bond.

    Like

  17. Lisa says:

    “I guess that she’s supposed to be an impressive guest-star even though she’s just some lame actress from another crappy TGIF show.”

    The funny thing about Step by Step is that the parents were cast because they used to be on other successful shows (Three’s Company and Dallas) yet I’m sure none of the kids watching knew that. I know I didn’t.

    I’m sure a Three’s Company fan would have been excited to see Suzanne Somers in the 90s. You also have to give the show credit for picking a celebrity that the kids watching would know. If they brought in some Oscar winner, the kids watching Full House would have been like, “Who is that?”

    Like

    • Oh Mylanta says:

      I’m sure none of the kids watching Full House knew who John Stamos was, but their mothers who watched General Hospital were drooling over him…

      Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      I knew about Three’s Company because of the magic of daytime tv reruns (also: Gilligan’s Island, Bewitched, The Addams Family, The Munsters, ect), but I was too young to have watched Dallas, and I had certainly never watched General Hospital. They were probably trying to catch an older demographic there.

      Like

    • Angela says:

      I knew about Suzanne, thanks to my mom constantly watching old shows on Nick at Nite, but I hadn’t known about Patrick Duffy’s previous work right away, no. I know my parents mentioned watching “Dallas”, but I don’t know if they watched it regularly, and I have no real memory of seeing it on TV when I was a kid.

      Like

  18. Oh Mylanta says:

    For fuck’s sake, even the Olsen twins were better actors than Nicky and Alex at that age. They’ve gotta be at least three years old at this point, right? I feel sorry for the child wranglers on that set who had to try to teach the little Asshole Parthenons to talk.

    Even though I remember most of the episodes pretty well, I have almost no recollection of this one. That lottery ticket subplot reminds me of a recent episode of Pawn Stars where Chumlee is supposedly fooled by a prank scratch-off ticket and runs off and later texts Corey to tell him he’s buying a ticket to the Cayman Islands, and then Corey gets all freaked out and apologetic and calls him to tell him it’s a fake, only for Chumlee to come back to the shop and be all like “HA YOU’RE AN IDIOT I KNEW IT WAS A FAKE I JUST TOOK THE DAY OFF”.

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      Chum is rad. They underestimate him because he does stupid things, but every now and again, he’ll trip them up. My sister is the same way: she’s kind of ditzy, but she’ll randomly reply to things with zingers.

      Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        I really doubt he’s as dumb as they make him out to be. I think they exaggerate his lack of intelligence because every reality show needs a butt monkey/village idiot.

        Like

  19. Sarah Portland says:

    Okay, I’m going to be THAT commentor this week, and attempt to make sense of something ridiculous on FH: I taught the toddler set at a preschool for 4 or 5 years so I knew how to talk toddler. I also knew that each toddler spoke their own “dialect”, and that not everyone could understand it. Actually, being that those kids spent more waking hours with me than their own parents, sometimes the parents would have to ask me what their own kid just said. This COULD explain why Jermsey can understand things that his kids say when the rest of us do not. BUT, according to the passage of time, the twins should be at two and half by now, and their language skills should be far more advanced that what we are presented with. At that age, my kids could talk in full (if broken) sentences: “I be a good boy for Mermaids!” So now it begs the question: are the writers doing this because they think that kids that age can’t actually talk? Are they doing this because they think that gibberish is what will get the most “awwws” and laughs? Or do they think that the boys can be talked into saying “happubrefest” easier than memorizing the line “Time for breakfast”?

    Like

    • RoxyHelen says:

      Honestly, I believe the twins had some speech issues.Just ask Billy(since he’s the one currently watching the ordeal) but from what I remember they struggled with every single word.It genuinly seemed hard for them to form words or at least that’s the impression they gave me.Plus I don’t think they were that interested in acting and being on a set…but as always, why would the parents wait until the kids are old enough to see if they are interested in acting and if they have any talent? Let’s just drag them on set and make some money while they’re as small and cute as possible.[sigh]

      Like

      • Ranger Roy says:

        The worst twins of all time were Sam and David from Seventh Heaven. At 6 years old they could barely speak as well as Nicky and Alex.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        It is cute when toddlers try to talk like grown ups, though! I love watching “Pearl the Landlord” with Will Farrell! It’s on YouTube and you’re almost shocked by amused to hear a two year old girl talk that way! My SIL Dawn’s little cousin Kenzie calls Dawn grandma and she looks like a toddler Veronica Lake.

        Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        Pearl the Landlord is HILARIOUS. “You pay… now, bitch!”

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        She also did Good Cop/Baby Cop and retired to enjoy babyhood sadly. She was so funny, but they were afraid she was going to understand the bad language! Unlike Michelle, Pearl doesn’t look like a monkey!

        Like

      • Billy Superstar says:

        i don’t even think that the twins’ speech is that bad for their age. what bothers me is that they’re prominently featured on a tv show. the kid who plays aaron bailey was in a bunch of movies and stuff when he was 2 because he was incredibly articulate for his age. it’s amazing to me that these 2 unintelligible kids were the best they could find.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Billy and everyone, please watch Pearl the landlord on YouTube! You won’t be sorry! Billy, thanks for the compliments!

        Like

      • Laura says:

        I know this is late, but since the twins’ speech issues have come up so many times in the comments sections, I figured I’d chime in (I’m a speech-language pathologist). As a general rule, 2-year-olds should be at least combining 2 words when speaking. By 2 and a half, they should be speaking in short sentences. In terms of how well they should be understood, at age 2, 25% of what they say should be intelligible to others. Age 3, 50%. Age 4, 75%. Yeah, those twins are hard to understand. But it’s not that abnormal, especially for boys. Now, for kids getting PAID, it’s a whole different story. Those kids are terrible actors – and incredibly annoying.

        Liked by 1 person

  20. Dr. Bitz says:

    As stated before, you’d think there’d be more visual clues for the Full House to figure out it was 5AM. But, even so, making someone wake 3 hours earlier is a lame prank. And I’ve never understood the fake lottery thing. I know you can buy fake winning lottery tickets to give as a joke and laugh as the person gets excited thinking they won a crap load of money but that just seems mean spirited…so I guess I don’t mind that it was done to Joey.

    Also, let’s think of the implications of Suzanne Sommers appearing on Full House as herself. Steve Urkle has appeared on Full House and Step By Step (and, of course, is in Family Matters) thus meaning that all three of these shows exist in the same universe. So that means Suzanne Sommers and Carol Foster Lambert exist in the same universe. Are they identical twins separated at birth? Do people constantly mistake Carol for Suzanne Sommers? Does Frank Lambert brag about how he’s married to a girl who looks like Suzanne Sommers? To that end, does Patrick Duffy also exist in this universe?

    Like

    • Richard says:

      Carol’s resemblance to Sommers was referenced several times on SbS. Also Stamos appeared on that show as himself. Obviously, like with everything else, the creative teams of the tgif shows just didn’t care.

      Like

      • Richard says:

        Hell that was the show where Frank and Carol’s daughter was given the surname “Foster-Lambert” despite the fact that Foster was Carol’s ex-husband’s last name. That always bugged me.

        Like

      • Dr. Bitz says:

        Yeah, that’s pretty silly. Then again this is a show whose basic premise is a guy stalks a women all the way to Jamaica and then they end up marrying each other completely disregarding their collective 6 children.

        Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        I would love to read a Step By Step Reviewed blog. That would be fucking hilarious. I swear, that show makes Full House look ingenious sometimes. At least Full House never got rid of any MAJOR characters abruptly and void of explanation (seriously, what the fuck happened to Brendan?). And as lame as Jesse is for shacking up with his wife and kids in his brother-in-law’s attic, Frank’s nephew Cody lived in a VAN in their driveway.

        Like

      • Angela says:

        Yes! This! Even as a kid I remember hearing the story about how they met and got together and thinking, “Wow, that seems kind of…fast.”

        A “Step by Step” blog would be amazing. Cody alone would make for a ton of worthwhile commentary.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Carol Brady didn’t keep her first married name of Martin. Marcia, Jan and Cindy all were the Brady girls. I don’t know why Frank on SBS would want his baby to have the last name of Carol’s former husband myself!

        Like

      • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

        Funny thing about Sasha Mitchell (Cody Lambert) was that he was arrested for a domestic spat with his ex wife at the time that SBS was at its peak. I remember my Mom telling my younger Sister and I about him being arrested and my Mom said “I won’t stop you guys from watching SBS, but just keep this in mind,” and it turned out that Sasha Mitchell was just trying to protect himself from his ex. Nuts, I know.

        Like

    • Comet says:

      And John Stamos appeared on Step By Step as John Stamos where he straight up references “Full House”.

      Mind = Blown

      Like

    • Non-Jerk Michelle says:

      Pretty meta thinking. I’ve have the same feeling I get when I think too much about being alive. :shivers:

      Like

    • Staplerhed says:

      Have you heard of the Tommy Westphal Theory?
      http://home.vicnet.net.au/~kwgow/crossovers.html
      “If St Elsewhere exists only within Tommy Westphall’s mind, then so does every other series set within the same fictional sphere.

      Some of the links are direct – characters cross over from television series to television series all the time, it’s a long-time television tradition. Some series spin off entire other series, obviously expanding their fictional universes.

      Some connections are indirect – fictional places, character names, awards, newspapers, cigarette brands, companies place some shows within the same fictional universe.

      There isn’t necessarily any rhyme or reason with having one series connect to another. There is no attempt to have any crossover consistency either within the series themselves or here as we discover more connections.

      Tommy’s mind is a tricky thing to decipher.”

      “This page began simply as a list of crossover appearances by characters from Homicide: Life on the Street on other programs and characters from other programs appearing on Homicide.

      Then came the realisation that the Fontana-verse (named after Homicide producer and St Elsewhere writer Tom Fontana) was bigger than we had realised. St Elsewhere – which had a direct crossover with Homicide – had many connections to other TV shows. And cross-pollinating Homicide with Dick Wolf’s Law & Order franchise bred even more connections.

      Tom Fontana has increased his own corner of the multiverse by adding sly references to his past series in his current work. It is his hope that one day all of TV will be part of Tommy’s mind. I’m not sure if he’s joking or not, but slowly but surely, Tom’s (and Tommy’s) dream is coming true.”

      Here’s the chart. Full House is on it.

      Like

      • Billy Superstar says:

        i’d love to see a version of that chart that had more details to it. i can’t figure out the connections between most of those shows.

        Like

      • Leshia says:

        There’s a big legend that goes into detail about all the connections!

        http://home.vicnet.net.au/~kwgow/cross_key.pdf

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Billy, I never heard of that kind of TV chart, but I saw this large one that had to do with Stephen King books. All the characters in his books are connected in one way or the other. Andy Dufresne from “The Shawshank Redemption” did some accounting for Kurt Dussander from “Apt Pupil” and the Shop from “Firestarter” is mentioned in many of his books and Tashmore Lake shows up in “Secret Window” like it did in “Firestarter.”. Hemingford from “Children of the Corn” is mentioned in “The Stand” and there are probably millions of others I haven’t mentioned! I do think one of the writers of FH watched 1980’s “The Shining” which is why Jesse had the nightmare of 2 Michelles!

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Author Christopher Moore does that as well. The majority of his stories are set in and around the Bay Area, and characters from his other stories will show up in current ones… though never the ones you assume. On rare occasion the storylines will cross as well. If you haven’t taken a look at his work, I urge you to do so – it’s hilarious, with a supernatural twist.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I’ll look into that! Tomorrow is the premiere of the summer TV series “Under the Dome” by Stephen King. I also like “Carrie” very much and I think Chloe Grace Moretz is a very talented teen actress! She’s Carrie in the new movie and I think she makes a wonderful Carrie like Sissy Spacek and Angela Bettis did!

        Like

    • Grant Spatchcock says:

      Speaking of TV universes, did anyone realise that the X Files/ Law and Order and Homicide: Life on the streets are all in the same universe?

      John Munch is a character that has starred in both Homicide and Law and Order SVU. He also appeared in an XFiles/ Homicide crossover episode.

      So just think when you’re watching SVU and you hear them complain about lack of funding to police programs – it’s because all the money is going to fund secret alien colonies!!

      Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Munch also appeared as Munch on Arrested Development in Season 3, posing as a cop who poses as a scrapbooking class teacher to catch crafty criminals. Tobias obviously signs up for said class.

        Like

      • LiveStudioAudience says:

        There was an X-Files/Homicide crossover episode? How did I miss that? I saw a Law & Order/Homicide crossover, which makes more sense… I’m trying to imagine what possible premise they could use to combine Homicide with X-Files…?

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        There was a Brady Bunch/X-Files crossover! I watched it and it was about a schizophrenic who called himself Oliver after Carol Brady’s nephew and they used the Brady house and it was like the Rose Red House. It didn’t grow extra rooms, it just killed people!

        Like

      • Grant Spatchcock says:

        Did anyone recognise Cousin Oliver in Sharknado? He was the school bus driver who was rescued by Steve Sanders, only to be crushed by a giant letter from the Hollywood sign.

        Like

  21. Amy R. says:

    Not even gonna front: this episode happened to come on over the winter when I was hanging at my boyfriend’s house and I got kind of weepy at the end and sort of hoped it would spur the conversation we’d been avoiding, except he wasn’t paying attention and we’re both grown-ass adults.

    Rock bottom is trying to have DJ Tanner do your emotional work.

    Like

  22. PinkDork says:

    See… the title of the episode is funny because they break up … wait for it… on the ROCKS!

    Dear all you lovely posters and especially YOU Billy Superstar,

    I’ve been obsessively reading this blog all year. You guys, I set my alarm to go off early on Fridays so I’d have enough time to read each week’s edition of FHR. This morning, I forgot to unset my Friday wake-up (I’m on summer break) and I didn’t even care. I read the review and all the comments. That’s how awesome this blog is, you guys. There is a reader amongst you who gets up EARLY just to read it. I can’t be alone in this, can I? Surely there are others like me out there.

    As we grow ever closer to the inevitable series end, and thus, the end of the best blog in the world, I have to wonder: where will we all go for our Friday morning giggles? Billy? Anyone? Suggestions?

    Hugs and kiss,
    PD

    Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      that’s really flattering. thanks so much!

      Like

      • Full House Expert says:

        Ohh and Bob Saget roast/Funniest Home Videos, Candace Cameran’s Hallmark movies, Dave Coulie’s days of basically being Joey Gladstone in his 50’s, and Jodi Sweetin’s marriages.

        Seriously though, I follow Lori Loughlin and Candace Bure on Instagram. They have mildly interesting lives, though Candace is pimping her fame whore kids while trying to pretend to be uber religious. Loughlin has a fab life though she still wants to bone Stamos even though she’s been married for like two decades to some closet gay fashion designer. #beardddd. Regardless, I have a huge cougeresque lesbicrush on her.

        Like

    • Full House Expert says:

      Billy should watch and review every single Olsen straight-to-video, John Stamos yogurt commercial and Lori Loughlin G rated series that followed Full House!!!! >:)

      Like

  23. Melanie says:

    “Okay, DJ, this has been cool, but I’m going to go live off Aladdin royalties now, byeeee.”

    Like

  24. Geonn says:

    I read some of your earlier entries for season 1 repeats that aired on Nick at Nite last week (yes, this blog makes me seek out episodes like a masochist. If you must suffer, we might as well suffer alongside you).

    My point is between then and now you’ve found a balance. You’re in your stride, you know how you feel about the characters and you know who they all really are. You’re comfortable enough to stretch out with new gags and new jokes while occasionally dipping back into the “Joey is a whore’s douche bag/Olsen twins are that whore” schtick we all come here to enjoy.

    Then I realized… this blog’s writing has evolved more than the show it mocks ever did. Where Full House stagnated and became over-reliant on what worked (basically all the annoying crap plus WE MUST MAKE THE OLSEN TWINS ICONIC), you have learned what works and you’re building on it. These latter day posts flow better and are just funnier than the early days (and those were pretty darn great).

    You’ve definitely upped your game. Full House is not worthy. Not that it ever was. 😉

    Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      thanks so much! that’s a really nice evaluation. the reason i started this blog was just to create a writing exercise for myself. much like how artists will make a practice of drawing their cup of coffee every morning, i felt like writing about something that was easy to describe would benefit me as a sustained exercise over time. this week i wrote a review for a media website-which is the first paid thing i’ve written before-and as i worked on it i really noticed how much writing fhr has helped me with writing as a practice.

      and, yes, the hardest thing about writing these reviews is definitely finding ways to work around the complete lack of character development. the show is so repetitive and lacking in growth that i sometimes worry that the writing will be, too. jesse has some life changes and grows up a little, at least, but the characters of danny and (especially) joey are essentially indistinguishable between the first and last episodes of the series. how many ways can i say that joey is a worthless asshole? it’s a real challenge, lemme tell ya!

      Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        You have risen to the challenge, sir.

        Like

      • Full House Expert says:

        Dude, now Full House is getting slammed for being too stagnant? You’re either riiiipping apart their lack of continuity or you’re bashing them for not changing ENOUGH between the first/second season and the seventh/eighth season. Sheesh.

        Like

  25. S. says:

    Those damned twins were always the absolute worst part of the absolute worst show in television history. God, I love this blog; validates my childhood, it does.

    Like

  26. Non-Jerk Michelle says:

    I never thought about how effective the lesson was in having DJ decide to break up. I guess they could have just had Steve disappear and never be mentioned again, like so many of the women of the past. Nice curve ball.

    Okay, I’ve been waiting for the appropriate time to mention a dream I had a few weeks ago about Steve breaking up with DJ. She became so manically infuriated that she started tossing knives everywhere and scaring the shit out of everyone. See, this is what happens when I re-read this blog before bed…

    Anyway, here’s a buzzfeed article about Kimmy Gibbler! Have a fun weekend everyone 🙂

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/leonoraepstein/kimmy-gibbler-is-on-instagram-and-her-90s-pics-are-insane

    Like

  27. SavaFiend says:

    Having a character named T-bag…probably just as intentional as “Growing Pains” having a character named Boner!

    Like

    • SavaFiend says:

      And wait a minute, wasn’t there a character in “Prison Break” named T-bag too – that freaky child molester dude?

      Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      the worst was when the actor who played boner died tragically and it was impossible not to laugh at news stories about it because he was famous for being “boner.” but the characters name actually comes from the old-timey term, which means a mistake. when i was in 8th grade there was a hardey boys book in my english class and one of the chapter titles was “a big boner” and me and my friends never stopped laughing about it (im actually laughing to myself right now while i type about it.). that’s literally the only thing i can remember about that class.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Stacy says:

        I’m laughing at the chapter title being “A Big Boner” and I’m 36, female, and never read that book.

        Despite my age and gender, I am essentially a 12 year old boy in the humor department.

        Like

      • SavaFiend says:

        I seriously don’t know how the actors in “Growing Pains” could say “Boner” with a straight face, I always wondered how many takes they had to do to get it right, LOL

        Like

      • SavaFiend says:

        Also, it was funny because presumably, he got the nickname on “Growing Pains” because his character name on that show was Richard Stabone. Dick Stabone?!? Whoever thought that up had a dirty mind for sure!

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        The thing that I recall about the scene where Boner’s nickname is bestowed upon him is that he and Mike Seaver were like in first grade or something, and when Mike says “I’m gonna call you Boner”, Boner protests “But my underwear says Dicky!” Funny shit made unintentionally funnier because Boner means something dirtier now 😀 It’s like when you’re reading something British, and they use the word “pants”. It’s funny until you recall that “pants” is the British term for underwear. Then it’s fucking hilarious.

        Like

      • Stacy says:

        Then I guess the use of the word “pants” for underwear made my statement “I lost my pants in Amsterdam” (true story) even more hilarious.

        Also while in Rome (literally) and about to go on a tour of the Vatican, our guide said she had “emergency pants” for anyone wearing shorts too short or whatever that would cause them to not be allowed to enter the Vatican.

        I have so many funny pants related stories (most of them involving my month long trip through Europe in 2000) but knowing pants could also mean underwear over there – it just ups the fun for me. 🙂

        Like

      • Teebore says:

        “A big boner”.

        Heh. 🙂

        Like

      • JCC says:

        LMAO “A Big Boner”. Funny as fuck!

        Like

  28. SavaFiend says:

    I have to ask: is it just me, or does Kimmie Gibbler’s boyfriend look like he’s about 26 years old? Whoa, Kimmie!

    And I don’t get it, a fireplace in San Francisco in APRIL (if the April Fool’s thing is making an actual reference to the date and not just used as a stupid plot point)?!? I’ll admit, I’m a Pennsylvania girl so I’m not super familiar with weather patterns on the west coast, but isn’t San Francisco warm in April (or at least too warm for a fireplace)? I mean, DJ is wearing shorts and hiking outdoors, so it can’t be THAT cold, right? Just another example of “Full House” lack of continuity.

    Like

    • katie says:

      San Francisco is kinda cold year round really. But not cold enough to validate having the fire going in April. The fire is going purely for the sake of seeing Joey try to dive into it.

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        San Francisco is cold? I thought if a state was far from Canada, it would be warm! Maybe the ocean makes it cold. I met a Scottish woman in Las Vegas who hated Los Angeles but she loved San Francisco. I wonder if it is a California thing to know street names off the top of your head? I thought of “The Californians” on SNL and Stephanie did know what street she and Kimmy argued on! As for twins, Bob Saget was surrounded by three sets of them. Two of his three daughters are twins.

        Like

      • Stacy says:

        Mark Twain is cited (but he never said it) that the coldest winter he ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

        I’ve been once before (that I remember – was there when I was 4 but don’t remember that time clearly) – on my birthday. My birthday is late September and in most parts of California that’d be nice and warm. There were moments in San Francisco I was freezing. My friends and I didn’t bring coats or gloves with us and we actually went shopping for them.

        I think with the water from the Bay and it being pretty far north is why it gets much colder than what you think of with the California warm weather stereotype.

        Like

      • PinkDork says:

        San Francisco is cold in the summer. In July and August the fog rolls into town right off the ocean and just… lingers. We call that time of year Fogust. So happy to have moved back to Seattle away from the so-called warm California sun.

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Ahahaha, Fogust? In Portland, we have Juneuary 😀

        Like

      • Angela says:

        My mom talked about that once, how people in California react to chilly/cold weather compared to other places. She and my dad used to live in California for a brief time after they got married, and she remembered a woman coming to work one day bundled up in a winter coat and gloves and a hat.

        It was in the 40s. Out here, in Iowa, when it’s in the 40s, we just go, “Oh, okay, gotta grab a light jacket today, then,” and go on our merry way.

        April was pretty cold here in Iowa. And snowy. Hell, we actually had a snowstorm hit on May 1st this year. That is extremely unusual for Iowa-usually when May rolls around we’re preparing for the possibility of severe thunderstorms and tornadoes out here!

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Iowa is beautiful and I went on vacation there with my parents. They filmed 2009 “Children of the Corn” in Iowa and the guy who played Burt said everyone was so nice! I am glad we didn’t spend the night at the Villisca Axe Murder House in Iowa! Ever heard of that place, Angela? It happened just two months after the Titanic sank and when people think of 1912, they think of the ship. Twenty-three years ago on May 10th, Wisconsin had the queen mother of all blizzards! Even the weather men were mystified by that!

        Like

      • Angela says:

        They filmed 2009 “Children of the Corn” in Iowa

        Oh, good! Like I wasn’t already creeped out enough by the cornfields here!

        and the guy who played Burt said everyone was so nice!

        Well, that’s cool to know, at least :).

        I have heard of that house, Bridget, yeah! Sounds like a pretty freaky story-on the one hand I’m kinda tempted to someday drive down there and explore it, but on the other hand, I am a massive wuss. So…*Does balancing movement with her hands*. Ah, well. If I ever find myself down in that part of the state again someday, I’ll see what happens.

        I’m glad you like Iowa and think it’s a beautiful state! It really is-I know a lot of people like to make fun ’cause it’s mostly flat land and it doesn’t have the “excitement” of the big cities like L.A. or NYC, but it has its own charm, it’s a fairly peaceful state to live in overall, and the people are generally really nice-that whole “Midwestern politeness” thing :D. I was born and raised here, so it’s always going to be “home” to me.

        Wisconsin had a snowstorm on May 10th, eh? Yeow. Apparently the latest Iowa saw snow was on May 28th, back in 1947-and it was measurable snowfall at that, not like some light dusting or something. That had to truly weird a lot of people out, I’m sure.

        (I can just imagine people’s reactions: “Hey, it’s Memorial Day weekend, we should have a grillout!”

        *Look outside, see it snowing*

        “Ah, fuck!”)

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Angela, the same producer of 1984 “Children of the Corn” directed the 2009 movie. He was unhappy they did not use Stephen King’s original short story and took it upon himself to direct the movie. The first one was filmed in Iowa as well! I think Stephen King got his story idea from the 1976 Spanish movie “Who Can Kill a Child?”. It followed the premise of CotC, but it took place on a Spanish island and all the kids went nuts and did away with the elders. They weren’t following a denomic deity, they just went crazy! I wonder how the producers of FH felt when Anne Marie McEvoy and Miko Hughes came in to play Cathy Santone and Aaron Bailey after they played Sarah in CotC and Gage Creed in “Pet Sematary”? Probably amused or creeped out! I saw “Sinister” and they mentioned the axe house and how the lady who owns and operates the tour said her husband put a bid in secretly without telling her and he was in trouble! As for the May 10 blizzard, my late grandparents were married on May 10, 1941 and it was a shock to them! I found it creepy that all the characters in “Identity” shared a May 10 birthday! As for my small town, many of them buildings in Mukwonago go back one hundred years ago and I think our beer depot is housed in a 100 year old building. I do think a state generates revenue when a movie is filmed there like Milwaukee did when “Transformers 3” filmed at the art museum and I think Johnny Depp filmed a movie in Milwaukee as well!

        Like

      • Lisa says:

        This is incorrect. Bob Saget does not have twins in real life. Just three single-egg daughters.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I looked up Robert Lane Saget on IMDB and it said he has twin daughters named Aubrey and Lara Melanie Saget who were born on Oct. 16, 1989. He also has a daughter named Jennifer Belle Saget who was born on Nov. 18, 1992.

        Like

  29. Full House Recoveree says:

    They wanted to… smell the ticket? Lmao I don’t remember that bit. And I always hated those twins. They were never cute or funny.

    Like

  30. Mr Goodpart says:

    Look at what DJ looks down on as they climb the mountain:

    What? That’s what they’re climbing? A straight vertical face with zero climbing equipment? This doesn’t even begin to make sense. Are we supposed to believe this for a second? There’s some guy who actually freeclimbs mountains (his name is Alex Honnold….there was a cool 60 Minutes about him) and it’s nothing short of miraculous. A tremendous achievement and testament to enormous skill and balls. But these 3 weak and/or chubby high-schoolers are pulling this off on a casual afternoon? Awful.

    And the “fake lotto ticket” routine is a blatant rip-off of Fresh Prince. Will & Carlton do the same thing to Jeffrey… Of course that show is actually good.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Mr. Goodpart, I saw the little French guy they call the Spiderman who could climb the outsides of tall buildings without climbing gear! One old lady became all motherly and told him flat out how dangerous it was!

      Like

    • Ashley says:

      I wondered the same thing. I’ve always wanted to do mountain climbing, and so I talk to a lot of people about it for when I finally get the opportunity to do it. It’s not something that’s easy to do at all, and most people have advised me that I should have someone experienced. One person even told me that if I can, I should take classes. I didn’t even know they had classes for that. Full House has never made sense though.

      Like

  31. Ryan says:

    I especially loved the amount of “but whatever”s in this review

    Like

  32. Teebore says:

    she heard on the radio that it was 5 AM, which is 3 hours earlier than everyone in the full house thinks it is

    You know what it is at 5 AM? Dark out. Know what it is at 8 AM? Bright out. You shouldn’t need the radio to tell you the difference, Becky…

    I sincerely have no idea what he’s saying. “Happy birthday”?

    Have a pub fest? Happy pup feast? Hippo pube fist?

    I guess that she’s supposed to be an impressive guest-star even though she’s just some lame actress from another crappy TGIF show.

    I wonder if she even knew she was making a guest appearance, or if the producers just filmed her walking over from the Step by Step set?

    DJ goes mountain climbing with Kimmie Gibbler and her boyfriend.

    I dunno, Kimmie; seems kind of hard to make out with your boyfriend while mountain climbing.

    then she straight up kicks him out of the full house.

    Oh sure, STEVE gets kicked out, but not Joey.

    because he saw the tape in the vcr earlier, which was labelled, “joke on Joey.”

    *shakes head*

    They might as well have just kicked him in the nuts.

    Don’t be a tease.

    Like

  33. Bridget says:

    Sigh! Let’s have a moment of silence for the demise of yet another Jodie Sweetin marriage! She is fighting Morty Coyle, 2 year old Beatrix Carlin Coyle’s father for custody of the kid. Jodie should just quit changing husbands like people change their underwear! I feel bad for Beatrix and older sister Zoie! There was also the 25th anniversary get together of the FH cast but MK and Ashley didn’t join in! Oh my God! Disrespect! I mean if they didn’t start doing this show as babies they wouldn’t have their empire and younger sister Lizzie wouldn’t be kicking their butts in the acting arena! Blake and Dylan Tuomy Wilhoit no longer act and they didn’t show up either, but really they didn’t add anything to the show!

    Like

    • Ryan says:

      I was just about to comment on this. I was super surprised when I learned that Jodie Sweetin is 31 and this was her third marriage. Holy damn.

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        I kind of think she wants to unseat Liz Taylor as the queen of marriages or something! I read that Ike Turner who was Tina Turner’s ex-husband had 13 ex-wives or something! I would like to read the stories Jodie’s ex-husbands had of her! I think the custody case judge will have to decide who is the most stable parent for Beatrix and if Jodie loses custody of her to Morty, her claim to Beatrix’s half sister Zoie might be challenged by Zoie’s father.

        Like

    • Oh Mylanta says:

      Of course the Olsen twins didn’t show up to the FH reunion… Sellout little shits. It’s not like you owe your entire lives and careers to that show or anything… I don’t really blame the Tuomy-Wilhoit twins for not showing up, since they haven’t acted since and are just trying to lead normal lives…

      Poor Jodie. She really ought to just give up on marriage and stick with live-in boyfriends if she gets serious with anyone again. I feel bad for the kids having to be tossed around from parent to parent.

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        Oh Mylanta, the Olsen twins should have sent a letter explaining their absence and how pleased they were to work with a group of actors like this! On the Academy Awards, if an actor or actress can’t show up for their award, they always send a regret to the affect that they can’t show up and they thank the Academy! At Davy Jones’ memorial, Micky and Peter didn’t show up, but they sent very touching memorials to be read at the service. I wonder if MK and Ashley will show Bob Saget’s family and fans the same respect when he dies? You would hope so!
        As for Jodie, take a break with the marriage for a bit, huh?

        Like

    • Ashley says:

      Yeah I thought it was pretty cold of the Olsen twins not to show up. From what I’ve read, John Stamos really stuck up for them when they were babies to stay on that show. What a good way to pay him back since they wouldn’t be where they are today without Full House. I can understand the younger twins for not being there, they were maybe 3 or 4 when they show ended. The Olsen twins were 8 or 9.

      Like

  34. Jamie says:

    Billy, I’m not up to this at all but since it’s your most recent post I thought you miiiiiight just see this: I just, for some ungodly reason, searched youtube for an interview of Mary Kate and Ashley when they were little and on Full House. Mary Kate responds when asked what’s her favorite thing: “My favorite thing is eating cake.” The show literally turned them into cake-obsessed monsters in real life! I think this proves the theory that this was the basis of their eating disorders that has been mentioned before in comments. I know this is random. Best blog ever btw, hella laughs of mine are due to your posts.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Jamie, as Donkey said in Shrek, “Cake is the best thing there is!” I think if the show moved onto Season 9, we would have Michelle bringing home a camel and saying, “Daddy, isn’t he cool? Every Wednesday he says it’s Hump Day!” I love that commercial!

      Like

  35. Bridget says:

    Billy, get the vomit buckets ready tomorrow!

    Like

  36. Bri says:

    Those alien twins make me appreciate the Olsen twins’ acting skills. And that’s really sad. I’m pretty sure the kid said “it’s bullshit”, not “it’s Farsi”. I mean, that’s the only possibility. And then I think he said “it’s a rule”? The breakfast line was just straight-up atrocious. I have no idea what the word before “breakfast” was supposed to be. And “good morning” only sounded okay because they both said it. It was more like “muhmornee”. WORST EVER.

    Like

  37. Bri says:

    And that really was probably the best episode this show did in a long time. Not saying it was good or anything, but it at least had a good moral and ending, mostly because it didn’t end with a Tanner being an obnoxious dick and getting everything they want. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: DJ was the only remotely tolerable character on the show. She actually did a mature thing and was slightly selfless, which none of the other characters are capable of. But the Joey/prank subplot was awful and illogical. They couldn’t even come up with a moral of the story when it’s such a simple topic.

    Like

  38. in the first scene Nick ask Who’s Simon and Alex says “yes, boss” i can understand the twins pretty well

    Like

  39. same intro one twin say can’t do it; other says it’s the rules

    Like

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