Pre-Credits Gag: Stephanie works with the twins while they try to make a collage of animals that they saw at the zoo. One of them holds up a picture of a hot dog, which I assume to mean that he saw a lot of pig lips and anuses. DJ comes in and tells them all to get the fuck out of the living room because some lady from some college scholarship fund is coming by later and she really needs the financial boost because her worthless uncles have drained all of the families resources, and that’s not even considering all the egregious property damage that’s been wrought upon the full house over the years (remember that time the dining room was completely destroyed? And remember the other time it was, too?).
As DJ anal-retentively prepares the living room for her interview, Joey waltzes in after being on the road doing comedy for several weeks (never mind how he was able to miss his radio DJ job all that time, or if he even still has that job) and sits down to watch the Super Bowl. DJ tells him to get the fuck out of there because he’s already been enough of a hindrance on her life and she really doesn’t need him fucking up her scholarship interview on top of everything else but he pleads with her and mentions that her dad and Becky are going to be hosting the Super Bowl pre-game show because of course they are. DJ says that’s cool and everything but she’s gonna tape it and watch it later and then Joey finally agrees to watch the game up in his room.
Before he can get up the stairs, Joey is accosted by Jesse and Michelle, who remind him that he’d agreed months ago to take Michelle’s science club to the museum that day. Let’s just take a minute to unpack all that, shall we? Ok, so I can buy that Joey is a big enough idiot that he agreed to take a bunch of kids to a museum on Super Bowl Sunday even though he really wanted to watch the game. But what’s up with Michelle having a science club all of a sudden? We know that it can’t be school related because they’re getting together on a Sunday. So this is just some independent organization that she’s spearheaded due to her love of science, I guess. The craziest part of all of this, though, is that Michelle’s science club apparently books events months in advance, which is just total fucking nonsense. This is a club that’s run by 7 years olds.
Joey tries to weasel out of his obligation by asking Jesse if he can’t just take the kids to the museum by himself and then suddenly, as if on cue, all of the kids run in all at once (never mind why some other parent was able to transport that many kids all together but is unwilling to help with the museum trip. Also never mind that that’s way more kids than you could possibly fit into one car) and start crowding around Jesse and pulling on him, which is pretty weird.
After Aaron Bailey makes an unsettling remark about how his dad likes to peep at women with a telescope, Joey tries to reason with the kids and convince them that they should just stay at home and watch the Super Bowl. They staunchly refuse and then Joey says that there’s a way for the kids to learn science while he watches the Super Bowl and then they cut to a scene of Joey and all of the kids in some shitty sports bar, which is pretty fucked up if you ask me.
Who even let him bring all those kids into a bar? That’s gotta be illegal. Joey fails to convince the kids that the sports bar has any educational merit but then he offers them a bunch of quarters so they can play games. Naturally, he borrows the money for quarters from Jesse. As they sit down to watch the Super Bowl, I couldn’t help but notice that the bartender is played by the same guy who played Rigby the Rhino’s bodyguard in an earlier episode. I guess they brought him back because he had such a charismatic onscreen presence. Actually, I also noticed another extra who looked familiar and after a quick IMDB search it turns out that he’s played bit parts on the show in 3 previous episodes, so I guess they’re just reusing actors for small parts because it’s convenient.
Before the game starts, Danny and Becky appear on air for some Super Bowl pre-game programming. They’re supposed to be showing the audience the room that operates the scoreboard but end up opening a janitorial closet, which is pretty much how shit goes down every time they’re supposed to do anything on tv.
Seriously, who invited the hosts of Wake Up, San Francisco, a show where nothing ever goes smoothly, to host the Super Bowl pre-game show? Even though Becky and Danny are the ones who fuck up on air, the person that booked them is to blame if you ask me. They seriously should have known better.
Michelle and her little friends, left wholly unattended in a creepy sports bar, try to find ways to keep themselves entertained. They decide to grab a remote so they can try to find a science channel on one of the tv’s because they’re all really into science as of this episode. Derek changes the channel and then there’s some pretty sweet footage of the majestic blue-footed booby doing its distinctive mating dance on screen. Anyone who knows anything about science knows that the blue-footed booby loves to fuck.
It turns out that the remote changes the channel of every tv in the bar so all the patrons get really aggravated because they’d rather watch the Super Bowl than the sensual mating dance of the majestic blue-footed booby and then for some reason the kids decide to run around with the remote instead of handing it over. Aaron Bailey drops it behind the control podium thing and then when the uncles try to reach behind it to get the remote back, they tip the whole thing over, which I totally did not see coming at all.
After all of the tv’s are totally ruined, everyone in the bar gets super pissed and for one hopeful moment it seems like they might beat Jesse and Joey to death. Michelle suggests that they all go to the science museum with them and for another moment it seems like they might because that idea’s just dumb enough to fly on this shitty show. Instead, Joey invites them all to watch the game at the full house, which is just as dumb an idea, really.
When everyone pours into the full house, DJ is like, “what the fuck are you assholes all doing here? Don’t you remember that this whole premise began with me asking you to watch the game someplace else?” Jesse takes the kids upstairs to try to find some sort of scientific activity to make up for the fact they they got totally cheated out of their museum trip and Joey and all the barflys take the tv into the kitchen to watch the game.
Becky and Danny come back onscreen again and make another attempt to check out the room that the scoreboard is operated from. They find the correct room this time but then the alarm goes off when they try to open the door because I guess that they didn’t think to coordinate anything with anyone. Who even gives a shit about seeing the room that the scoreboard is operated from anyway? The best part is that after the onscreen folly, Stephanie denies to the barflys that Danny is her father. I guess she’s finally getting to that age where she’s cognizant enough to be ashamed of Danny.
Jesse puts together a demonstration for the kids about haircare and they’re like “fuck this shit” and decide to go downstairs to watch the Super Bowl. DJ shoos them into the kitchen with the barflys but then the scholarship lady shows up at the back door, which DJ probably should have anticipated because people seem to come in through the backyard for no reason pretty frequently. DJ hastily ushers everyone back out to the living room and then opens the door for the scholarship lady, who’s played by Mimi from the Drew Carey show.
Mimi sits DJ down and tells her that she hopes that she’s serious about college because a lot of kids just expect it to be one big party but DJ’s like, “no way, man, I’m a total square,” which is pretty inarguable. Just then, Kimmie Gibbler comes in and blows up DJ’s spot for a minute before DJ shoves her back into the living room. Mimi asks if there’s a Super Bowl party going on in the other room and DJ assures her that there isn’t even though it totally doesn’t make any sense that it would effect her chances of getting a scholarship if people were watching the Super Bowl in her house during the interview. I mean, really, this whole premise is just completely ridiculous. Anyway, it turns out that Mimi is a big football fan so she hastily awards DJ the scholarship so she can watch the game in the other room, which is such a delightful twist, isn’t it?
Now that everyone is finally watching the game in peace, Michelle decides to go sulk in the kitchen, so Joey follows her for a very special talk. He explains to her that sometimes things don’t turn out the way that you planned and that she needs to learn how to handle that, which is actually the best advice that anyone’s ever given her. Being the evil mastermind that she is, though, Michelle just turns Joey’s moral around on him by pointing out that he had an obligation that he shirked because he wanted to watch the Super Bowl, making him a hypocrite. The music comes on as Joey realizes that he was a real shithead for putting some little kids field trip that could have easily been rescheduled aside so that he could watch the biggest sports event of the year instead. He apologizes and they agree to go to the museum the following weekend, which they should have just done in the first place, for sucks sake, and then they go back into the living room to watch the Super Bowl with everyone.
New and Updates: I’m having a real hard time finding a venue for the FHR close-out party in San Francisco. Does anyone know of a bar that would let me do a slideshow and give a little talk or something? I’m currently planning on doing an event on December 20th in San Francisco and then doing the official close-out party on the last day of the blog in late January in Portland, OR. The Portland event should be real easy to put together but the SF one’s not going so well…
Also, I’ve gotten about ten million messages about a few articles over the past few weeks. Apparently the Full House sequel series is a hoax, which is all the same to me because there was no way I was gonna watch that shit anyway. And, yes, I have seen the articles about Derek growing up to be a gay go-go dancer. I can’t say that I was surprised. See, i wasn’t razzing him for being gay, I was just stating the obvious. Maybe we could all go see him and have that be the close-out party? I’ll stuff the Season 8 DVD box set in his little banana hammock.