Season 8, Episode 16, “Air Jesse”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Stephanie comes home and shows Michelle and Becky a sweater she made in her sewing class.  Michelle tells her that it looks like fucking garbage but Becky insists that it’s beautiful.  One problem that’s been prevalent throughout the series is that, since everything in it is terrible, you can never tell when something is bad on purpose.  If Stephanie had shown them that sweater and they both said it was great I wouldn’t have even thought twice about that shit.  After Stephanie leaves, Michelle asks Becky why she lied to Stephanie and Becky tells her that it’s not necessary to be such a fucking bitch all the time.  Ok, so I guess the sweater really is terrible on purpose.

DJ and Kimmie Gibbler come home and tell everyone that they got Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to referee their school’s fundraiser basketball game.  How’d they get such a big celebrity to agree to this?  Don’t worry about it.  Anyway, since the entire fucking world revolves around the people on this show, DJ and Kimmie Gibbler have been picked to coach the celebrity teams.  Kimmie Gibbler’s team is from some random news station and DJ wants the dads to be her team because who else was it gonna be?  Also, they do all have jobs in the entertainment industry, so it does sort of make sense despite the fact that they’re all terrible at said jobs

Danny and Joey immediately agree to play in the game but Jesse is hesitant because he’s not into sports.  This is a relatively new aspect of his character, first alluded to in the Super Bowl episode a few shows back.  So, there you go: 8 Seasons in, these characters are still developing.  You may have thought that Jesse was just an Elvis-obsessed, self-absorbed, fried chicken eating negligent husband and father, but there’s always been an element to his character that was so subtle and nuanced that you never even knew about if for all these years.  He also doesn’t like sports.

Everyone spends about 30 seconds coercing Jesse into participating instead of finding some other d-list local celebrity who actually wants to be involved and wont fuck up their team.  Jesse finally agrees and makes plans with Joey and Danny to practice on the basketball court.

In the living room, Michelle asks Becky what you call a boy ladybug and Becky replies, “confused,” which is a totally trans-phobic joke.  Stephanie comes downstairs and gifts Becky with the terrible sweater that she made and insists that she wears it to the basketball game.  See?  If you give these fucking kids an inch, they walk all over you.  Not only does she force her to take ownership of the ugly sweater, she straight up tells her where and when to wear it.

While on the basketball court, Jesse makes a basket in the twins’ kiddie hoop and the audience loses their shit for some reason.  Joey and Danny show up and try to give Jesse some pointers, which, naturally, doesn’t go very well.

Danny gives some really convoluted instructions, confusing Jesse, and then Joey demonstrates a shot.  When he makes the basket the audience lose their minds again, which is really odd to me.  It’s like they’ve never seen basketball before, ever.  Jesse tries to replicate Joey’s shot but ends up hitting himself in the head with the basket, which is funny because he gets hurt.

After spending an entire minute training and not getting any results, Jesse blames Joey and Danny for being bad instructors so they bet him that they can teach the dog to make a shot to prove that Jesse’s the one who sucks.  Danny sets up the shot for the dog and he knocks it into the basket, which is actually pretty impressive, so it makes sense this time when the audience goes all crazy.  I mean, a dog making a basket?  That shit is remarkable.

One thing I’ve learned from the many interesting contributions that Bridget Hainline leaves in the comments section every week is that Comet is the same dog from the Air Bud movies, so I guess they wanted to make use of his basketball prowess.  I think they’ve made like 30 of those movies now.  Comet’s probably long dead, but they keep spinning them off into movies about puppies or something and I don’t think they’re even about sports anymore.  I always see them at the sale counter at Safeway.  Anyway, the twins mock their father for being shittier at basketball than a dog, which is pretty awesome.  I wish that Jesse got called out about being shitty at everything more often.

Everyone decides to leave the basketball court but Jesse sticks around to practice because now he’s got a big inferiority complex.  He misses another shot and there’s a moment where you can totally see a crew member pick up the ball and throw it back to him.

What a negligent production.  They couldn’t have cropped that out?  I mean, maybe it’s supposed to be some stranger who shows up for 2 seconds to throw the ball back to Jesse, but I don’t think so.

As Jesse sits on the court and laments his total lack of basketball prowess, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar shows up, which gets the audience almost as excited as when they see a ball go through a basketball hoop.

Kareem asks if he can use the court and Jesse gets out of the way to let him practice for about 10 seconds before bombarding him with all his woes about being unable to impress his kids on the court.  I’m not surprised by how self-absorbed Jesse is being here, but it does strike me as odd that he’s so bothered by being terrible at something.  You’d thing he’d be used to it by now.  I guess that if music and parenthood was as easy to quantify as basketball then he’d really lose his mind.  He must really not realize how much he sucks at everything.

Kareem, who must not have anything better to do, decides to give Jesse some pointers.  They putz around for a while and eventually discover that there’s a specific spot on the court from which Jesse can make a basket.  He scores a few shots and the audience lose their shit each time.  Kareem advises him to make shots only from that specific spot during the game because it’s his only chance of scoring.

A photographer from the newspaper wants to take Becky’s photo as she sits on the sidelines of the game and Becky agrees but says she wants to put her jacket on first so she’s not documented wearing the hideous sweater that Stephanie forced her to put on.

Stephanie gets all butt hurt and tries to make Becky feel guilty for lying to her even though she only did it to spare her feelings.  Becky tries to rectify the situation by pointing out the positive qualities of the hideous sweater, which appeases Stephanie enough for them to hug, which makes the audience go, “aww.” Finally, the photographer, who’s just been standing there waiting around throughout this whole dumb ass exchange, takes Becky’s picture as she dons the terrible sweater and has her arm around Stephanie.  So I guess the moral of the story is, “placate Stephanie.”

Jesse sees Kareem sitting on the bench at the charity game and assumes that he’s there to cheer him on because that’s how he thinks.  DJ introduces Kareem to the audience which is the first time that Jesse realizes who he is, which doesn’t really have a pay off or anything.  Jesse’s just like, “oh hey, you’re that guy.”  DJ coaches the dads before the game starts by telling Jesse to stay out of the way and not to try to score any goals because he totally sucks.

After a lively montage, DJ calls a time out and explains that the teams are tied and the next point will win the game because that’s how every sporting event turns out in every tv show ever made.  Jesse pleads with everyone to let him try to make the winning point so he can impress his kids because that’s all he cares about and DJ reasons that it’s such an unexpected strategy that it just might work.  When the time comes, a member of the opposing team is standing on Jesse’s special spot but he tries to make the shot anyway from a slightly different spot and ends up winning the game.

Everyone sings Jesse’s praises and then he goes over to his kids to soak up more glory but it turns out that they were off taking a piss while he scored the winning basket.  One of the twins says, “I went number one,” and then the other one says, “I watched,” which is… pretty weird.  Jesse gets all agitated because he only participated in the game to try to impress his stupid kids in the first place but then the music comes on as Becky explains that it doesn’t matter how much of a ridiculous loser he is, he’s those mentally deficient twins’ dad and they’ll love him no matter how bad he sucks.

There’s a lot of hugging and kissing and the audience goes, “aww,” and then Jesse insists that the kids watch as he makes a basket.  He continues to fail at this endeavor, which carries on throughout the end credits.

I also noticed that they credit “Buddy the Wonder Dog” as making a special appearance playing Comet, so I wonder if they didn’t switch dogs this episode or if they just don’t usually bother crediting him.  Please illuminate us, Bridget Hainline!

Oh hey so I booked the San Francisco FHR close-out party!  It’s going to be at the El Rio on Saturday, December 21st.  I’ll do a slideshow and Q&A from 7-8 PM and then they’re gonna kick us out of the back room but we can hang out and drink all muthafuckin night.  If less than 40 people come they’re gonna charge me for the space so bring your friends and/or maybe throw in a couple bucks on that fee.  I have absolutely no idea how many people are gonna show up to this thing.  I’m also working on the final close-out party in Portland, OR the weekend of the final review, January 17, and will have more info about it shortly.  If you’d like to learn more, please join the official FHR Facebook page.

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117 Responses to Season 8, Episode 16, “Air Jesse”

  1. Richard says:

    There’s a tiny chance I may be able to make it, but I’d have to bring my uncle along, and he’d think the whole thing was stupid and probably be a wet blanket. But who knows, maybe just maybe.

    Anyway, Jesse was definitely a sports fan back in season 1, but Danny was a slob then and Joey was…well he was about the same.

    Like

  2. Ian says:

    So was this the point where the writers knew this was going to be the last season and started phoning it in? These last few episodes have been ridiculously stupid and low-stakes even for Full House. Hey, was Gibbler even on the set for the game at the end? She was supposed to be the coach for the other team.

    Also you would think Joey would be more excited about Kareem for his role in Airplane! than his basketball career. But I guess Joey isn’t down with comedy that’s R-rated, just cartoons for 8-year olds.

    Like

  3. Angela says:

    Sigh. I so wish I could go to San Francisco for this… Sounds like a great party-hope everyone who does attend has a good time!

    As for this episode, ahhhh, I was looking forward to this one :D.

    You mentioned the whole thing about Jesse being bad at sports-and yet, in one of the earliest seasons (the first one, maybe?), Jesse was all gung-ho about sports, in that episode where DJ’s brother plays her cousin. He’s playing football and chanting with Danny and Joey and everything (and dear god, why in the hell do I remember all of that?). And now all of a sudden he’s all, “Duuuuuuuh, how
    sports work?” Maybe he’s into one sport more than another, perhaps, but even so…

    This episode is a big reminder of why I’m generally not one for sports movies or shows. They pretty much follow the same beats every single time. There’s probably been a couple exceptions, where someone practices really hard and yet DOESN’T make that last-minute winning shot, and there’s been a couple episodes of TV where the person or team wins and it feels earned and I can let it side. But for the most part…yeah. Very predictable.

    Also, that end bit with the twins is a definite WTF? moment.

    I think they’ve made like 30 of those movies now. Comet’s probably long dead, but they keep spinning them off into movies about puppies or something and I don’t think they’re even about sports anymore. I always see them at the sale counter at Safeway.

    Aside from the idea of Comet being dead, ’cause, awwwww :(, this whole bit amused me greatly for some reason. I think we’re all agreed that Comet is cool, right? A dog making a basket IS pretty awesome (and the fact that a dog can do something I am god-awful at…*Hangs head in shame*).

    Great review, as always!

    Like

  4. Oh Mylanta says:

    Damn, I wish I lived on the west coast. Somebody PLEASE get this party on video for us eastern folk!

    As others have mentioned, this totally contradicts that firs season episode where Cousin Steve comes to visit and all the men in the house go apeshit over sports. But then again, this show is one big walking contradiction, so whatever.

    Of COURSE Jermsey doesn’t realize how much he sucks at everything! How else would you explain him calling himself a “professional musician” in the last episode? Asshole Parthenon. And it figures, one of few intelligible lines his kids speak in the series is about one taking a piss and the other watching him.

    Maybe they hired Air Bud to play Comet for that one episode and then just decided to keep him for the rest of the series, since the dog isn’t very prominently featured anyway. Bridget, please enlighten us!

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      OM, I didn’t know they hired another golden to play Comet. I think they all look alike! I hoped after they filmed the 222 goldens at that castle in Scotland where the breed originated, no one took home the wrong dog! As for Jesse and sports, well one writer wrote that he liked sports and the other wrote that he hated sports and maybe they don’t read early episode scripts. That could explain why Blanche Devereax on “The Golden Girls” had Elizabeth as a middle name for one episode and Marie for another. On to the twins: perhaps they speak clearly when it comes to biological functions like peeing!

      Like

    • Lisa says:

      Just to put it in perspective, the Air Bud dog was born in 1986 and Comet was a puppy in 1989 (when he joined Full House). Obviously they started out with a different dog or dogs since puppies grow so fast. You can’t be a puppy for 3 years.

      I had always assumed they just used the Air Bud dog for this one episode since all golden retrievers look alike, but wikipedia says Buddy was in 6 seasons of Full House. Of course, wikipedia isn’t always right so anything is possible. We have to track down his former owner to know for sure.
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_Buddy_(dog)

      Like

      • Kayla says:

        When I saw the credit I looked into this as well. “Buddy the Wonder Dog” has only this episode and nothing else listed on IMDB. When I look at “Buddy” from Air Bud’s page on IMDB, it just mentions in the bio that he played Comet in “a few episodes”. So I can’t tell if it’s the same dog with two different IMDB pages or what.

        Like

  5. hebrewersfan says:

    Continuity errors in Full House again?! Never! But yea, Jesse was definitely a sports fan in the early seasons, just off the top of my head, there’s the Kirk Cameron episode where they all play football in the park, or where they all get boners to watch the Lakers game. Next they’ll try to make us believe Jesse never liked Elvis or his hair.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Smackmac says:

    I don’t think my husband would be too happy if I ditched him with three kids to go to a party in San Francisco (especially considering that I live in Calgary and it would cost a lot of money). I would love to, though, and I hope tons of people show up.
    Great review, as always! I am not looking forward to the Fridays when I’m up early with the baby and have no FHR to read.

    Like

  7. Alison says:

    In that picture of Becky and Stephanie having their picture taken by the photographer: It’s now clear why Stephanie forced Becky to wear her ugly sweater. Because she knew that she herself only had a too small shirt and mom jeans to wear that day and didn’t want to be alone.

    Like

  8. Penny says:

    That sweater looks remarkably similar, if I recall correctly, to the one that Stephanie stole from DJ a few years back, spilled mustard on, and shrunk in the wash. This tells me that either a) Stephanie has consistently shitty taste in clothes; b) DJ likes to forget she ever liked said sweater; c) the writers were too cheap to acquire a new wardrobe and/or pay attention to the context in which they used said clothes before. I’m going with d) all of the above.

    Like

    • Amber says:

      I thought the same thing when I saw the screenshot so I had to look it up. In case anyone’s wondering if you google “Stephanie shrinks DJ’s sweater” this is the first result:

      http://www.fullhousereviewed.com/2012/05/25/season-5-episode-15-play-it-again-jess/

      I personally love the fact that this comes up before IMDB.

      Like

      • Lisa says:

        Moral of the story: all purple shirts with unnecessary buttons are ugly.

        Side note: That’s how I found this site originally. I was trying to figure out a specific episode of Full House by typing in a bunch of information and this site popped up first.

        Like

      • Sara Wilson says:

        Same here Lisa! The Disney World episode part 2 review is the first one I found online when I was trying to find it on wikipedia or something. I started reading the blog and halfway through I was like, “omg, he’s making fun of it, this is hilarious!”
        haha

        Like

      • penny says:

        Ah, thanks. Yes, slightly different, still ugly. At least Stephanie has consistent taste?

        Also, that’s a pretty well-made shirt for a seventh grader. I remember sewing a stuffed animal in eighth grade and there were seam sticking out all over the place. Would’ve been funnier had that been the case.

        And ALSO, if Becky didn’t want to wear it, why didn’t she just say she tried it on and it didn’t fit her? I mean, seriously.

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Blargh, agreed. That shirt was most definitely made by a professional. As awful as it is, it’s too well-constructed. Hell, I’ve been making costumes and clothes for years, and my stuff doesn’t look half as well-made as that ugly shirt.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Everyone, DJ borrowed the ugly purple sweater from Kimmy which was why Kimmy wanted a foot massage as payment for Stephanie’s negligence!

        Like

    • Oh Mylanta says:

      Two words: The Nineties.

      Like

    • Smash says:

      Since the writer’s blatantly passed off Pop Tarts as Joey’s disgusting fish tarts, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d used the same shirt. Option C is the most plausible to me.

      Like

  9. teebore says:

    How’d they get such a big celebrity to agree to this?

    I have some ideas, but to keep this blog family-friendly(-ish), I’ll keep them to myself…

    Jesse finally agrees and makes plans with Joey and Danny to practice on the basketball court.

    Don’t they need more than three people to play? Or is this just a three-on-three game?

    Joey and Danny show up and try to give Jesse some pointers, which, naturally, doesn’t go very well.

    1. I love that Danny’s shirt is tucked into his sweat pants
    2. How convenient (on multiple levels) that they can practice on the same court where they’ll be playing the game…

    It’s like they’ve never seen basketball before, ever.

    “Holy crap! Did you see that?!? That man threw that orange round thing at that net-y hoop, and the orange thing totally went through the hoop!!! That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!”

    they keep spinning them off into movies about puppies or something and I don’t think they’re even about sports anymore.

    I’m pretty sure the most recent one involved dogs in space or superhero dogs or something like that. Totally not kidding, either.

    which gets the audience almost as excited as when they see a ball go through a basketball hoop.

    “Holy crap! Do you see how tall that guy is? I’ve never seen anyone that tall before! That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!”

    One of the twins says, “I went number one,” and then the other one says, “I watched,” which is… pretty weird.

    Indeed. I guess the question is, which one is going to grow up to be the serial killer, and which one will grow up to be the one who watches?

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      Which one has the better middle name? Serial killers are always identified by their full names for whatever reason. Personally, I feel like it’s to remind us that this monster has a mother, and that she probably called him by his full name when he was in trouble, so now we should, too.
      Um, I’m not sure where I was going with that.

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        Sarah, I always thought Alex’s full name was Alexander Prescott Katsopolis and Nicky’s full name was Nicholas Dustin Katsopolis. If you remember, their father loved the name Dustin and Rebecca liked Prescott. I am glad they picked the names Alexander and Nicholas!

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        I think Alex has the better middle name, so I’m voting him as the Killer, and Nicky as the Watcher.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        The Krays twins were also a troublesome, identical twosome who ran the London underworld in the 1960s. I think Nicky and Alex are well on their way and they’ll both be trouble!

        Like

      • Lisa says:

        You know, it’s interesting. I think it was Gavin de Becker who said that the media’s habit of calling murderers by three names gives them importance and dignity that they shouldn’t have, and which is attractive to copycats. His suggestion was that we should, as a society, refer to criminals by some unflattering childhood nickname. It sounds silly, but he was serious, and I think he’s right. I mean, which is more humiliating, having headlines scream “John Wayne Gacy” or “Johnny ‘Zitface’ Gacy”?

        Like

    • SavaFiend says:

      Oh, teebore, you’re thinking of the “Buddies” movies, which are totally different than the Air Bud movies. Air Bud was the basketball dog, the Buddies movies are a bunch of random golden retriever puppies who talk and do stupid shit. I know this because my daughter, sadly, loves those fucking Buddies movies and we have all of them here on DVD :/

      Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        I Googled it (because I have nothing better to do with my life) and the Buddies movies are in fact an Air Bud spin-off. Those puppies are supposed to be Air Bud’s offspring.

        Like

      • SavaFiend says:

        I guess that makes sense in a weird, Hollywood-stupid-movie kind of way!

        Like

      • Smash says:

        And where do you suppose the Beverly Hills Chihuahuas fit into all of this? Surely something that stupid must be related as well.

        Like

  10. Stacy says:

    Holy shit, is there anything dorkier than tucking a shirt into sweatpants? Seriously, Danny, are you going out of your way to make yourself look as unfuckable as possible?

    I wish I could go to either or both events, but I can’t financially justify a trip from Atlanta to SF and/or Portland at this point. Would love to see video or read about it after the fact!

    Like

    • I tuck my shirt into my sweatpants, when I wear them.

      And my pajama pants.

      I’m a creature of habit. 😦

      Like

      • Stacy says:

        Sorry, Philip, wasn’t trying to offend the habitual shirt tucker-inners. 🙂 Your pjs? Seriously – that’s rather hilarious.

        But really, Bob Saget/Danny + tucked in shirt with sweatpants = lady boner killer.

        On another note – there was this sketch comedy show out in the 90s called The State (it aired on MTV). I fucking LOVED that show. Anyhoo, one bit was about this guy who had never heard about pants. And they show him in his tighty whiteys – with his shirt tucked into them. Ridiculous as all get out but one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Though I might be biased because I think Michael Ian Black can do no wrong – including tucking a shirt into underwear.

        (I could not find it on youtube. But found it here – video quality is awful. It’s the 2nd one down. http://www.toplessrobot.com/2011/10/the_10_best_sketches_from_the_state.php?page=2)

        Like

      • Haha no need to apologize. I really DO do that, but I didn’t take any offense. I think I was just frightened that Danny and I had something in common…

        (PS – I adore The State. One of my favorite shows growing up, and still one of the best sketch comedy shows ever!)

        Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      He’d only be completely unfuckable if he added black socks and Crocs to that outfit.

      Like

      • Stacy says:

        I guess lucky for our eyeballs the fact that Crocs weren’t out yet in the 90s. Oh, and don’t forget a fanny pack. That would oomph up the unfuckable factor.

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        You know what I’d really like to see now? Danny’s OkCupid profile.

        Like

      • Angela says:

        …god help me, but I wanna see that, too. Updated version of that “Bachelor of the Month” sort of deal, or something.

        Like

    • Sarah says:

      Holy hell I couldn’t stop focusing on Danny’s tucked in shirt so thank you for pointing it out. Everything that they put Bob Saget in was a total fashion NO even for the mid to late 90s.

      Like

  11. Christian says:

    Of course Jesse doesn’t know how much he sucks. This is the first time the family has actually gone out of their way to tell him he sucks. Most of the time they just pretend like his shit don’t stink. Jeez, did it really take eight seasons for them to finally stop giving a fuck and just tell it like it is?

    Driving from L.A. to San Francisco sounds like such a pain but I definitely want to go! I’ll see if I can get some friends to come along so it I can force them to drive, lol.

    Like

  12. Alicia says:

    Why is Joey wearing a t-shirt under his tank top? I mean, I definitely don’t want to see Joey in a tank top but why not just wear a t-shirt? Weird (or just incredibly 90s?).

    As for Comet, I think they just don’t always credit him in the episodes; according to the wise world of Wikipedia he was Comet for 6 seasons. Here is his wiki page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_Buddy_(dog)

    I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it to the party 😦 I will be in SF in 2 weeks but won’t be able to go up again 12/21. Hope it’s a fun night!

    Like

  13. Pink Dork says:

    First things first: Portland, ahoy, yo! December is a long, scary month when you’re a mom and a teacher, so SF is out. But I love me some PDX, so count me in in in!

    How is that weird Peter-Pan-collared, rando-button-covered thing being referred to as a sweater? The show is stupid and hasn’t bought a clue in 8 years, but that garment is clearly NOT knit and the addition of a million buttons, give or take, doesn’t make it look knit. The fuck is that shit? I meant, of course, shirt.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Pink-Dork, I agree with you! A sweater is supposed to be knitted or crocheted and that thing was clearly sewn. Why have so many buttons on it, and why not give it to Kimmy Gibbler to wear since it looks like something she would clearly wear?

      Like

  14. seasoned salt says:

    I hope I can make it up from San Jose. I don’t have a car and I don’t know anyone else who hates this show and loves this blog as much as I do, so IDK about scoring a ride. 😦

    Like

  15. Dr. Bitz says:

    “Danny sets up the shot for the dog and he knocks it into the basket, which is actually pretty impressive, so it makes sense this time when the audience goes all crazy. I mean, a dog making a basket? That shit is remarkable.”

    I’m not sure why you’re surprised that the audience would lose their shit when Joey/Danny/Jermey made a basket. I’m more surprised when they succeed at anything than when a dog does.

    Like

  16. Non-Jerk Michelle says:

    I’m gonna say based on the jumbled history of the show that it’s the Cochran/Katsopolis genes that cause a lack in athletic ability. All the other characters of the full house have had some plot line to establish how good/bad they are at sports: Danny being good at pool, DJ and karate, Stephanie’s magical pitching powers, fuck Joey, even I guess Becky with the go-kart. Only Michelle and Jesse suck at sports, they’re also the biggest assholes in the family (and the biggest sad sacks!).

    “In the living room, Michelle asks Becky what you call a boy ladybug and Becky replies, “confused,” which is a totally trans-phobic joke. ” This little snippet brought so much joy to my day haha.

    I really want to go to the SF party, I think I can convince a friend to come with me. I’d get stupid lost if I went alone.

    Like

    • Non-Jerk Michelle says:

      More proof: Just look at the twins…there’s all the evidence you’ll ever need to know Jesse has shit genes.

      Like

    • Oh Mylanta says:

      Wait! Joey plays hockey! That’s like, his one redeeming quality.

      Like

      • Vamking12 says:

        Joey can fly a plane.

        Was a star player on a D1 hockey team.
        Made tons of money making Horrable jokes

        How the fuck?

        Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        And he has a teaching certificate. Because why the fuck not?

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        I’m staring to think “Because why the fuck not?” was part of the writing process. Kimmie gets kicked out of a frat party for being drunk, because why the fuck not? Jesse comes home with a pet turtle, because why the fuck not? He and Joey start an ad agency, because why the fuck not? Michelle buys a donkey, because – wait for it – why the fuck not?

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Sarah, I wish life would be like that with people who work hard for their dreams and when they accomplish their goals we will say, “Why the f**k not!”

        Like

      • Angela says:

        I like your line of thinking, Sarah :D.

        Like

      • Non-Jerk Michelle says:

        This is true Oh Mylanta, he has proven to be good at sports but doesn’t contribute to the gene pool ; )

        Actually Becky doesn’t either except for having reproduced with Jesse haha

        Like

  17. Carolyn says:

    I’ll be at the event! I wish my sister who enjoys this blog could come, but alas, I’ll have to drink extra beers for her. Time to e-mail all my friends and remind them how much they miss their 90’s TV. Do any folks want to do a hating on Full House day tour beforehand?

    Like

  18. Sarah Portland says:

    My train of thought when opening this post:
    “Becky and Stephanie in the kitchen with a weird shirt. Yeah, looks just like every other lame-ass thing they’ve worn on this show for the last 8 years. But why is Stephanie making that face? Does it smell funny? Oh, she made it herself. And she hates it. She says it’s awful, and later Becky and Michelle admit that they do too. BUT IT LOOKS LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE THEY’VE WORN ON THIS SHOW! Wait, are they actually admitting that things that are Full House-esque actually suck? When did this show get so meta?
    “Jesse sucks at basketball… that doesn’t surprise me. It’s like in Grease when Danny Zuko tries to become a jock, and he just ends up looking stupid in front of Sandy. wait… Wasn’t Jesse into sports back in the day? I guess it’s convenient here for plot that he isn’t anymore or something. So Danny’s good at basketball. I guess that makes sense. But WTF is he wearing? Shirt tucked into sweatpants? I bet he gets tons of old-lady groupies at the stage door after each taping. They want him for his cleanliness and fiscal responsibility. Plus, he looks like the kind of guy who would treat a gal to a 4:30 Early Bird Special. Maybe we’ve been wrong about Danny not getting any tail… maybe the tail just gets AARP discounts…
    Wait, now Stephanie is forcing Becky to wear the admittedly ugly shirt in public? Why would you ask someone to wear a shirt you yourself thought was ugly? WTF does she have against Becky? That’s a bitchy thing to do.”

    Like

    • Terrell says:

      Because Stephanie knew that Becky didn’t really like it. Or, really, she knew that, either she did like it and thus would be happy to wear it, or she’d hate it and then be punished for lying. It’s win-win!

      Like

    • Lisa says:

      “They want him for his cleanliness and fiscal responsibility.”

      Bahahahaa!

      Like

  19. Jenn says:

    Very disappointed I won’t be able to attend the party, but unfortunately that’s about five hours after I leave SF to head to my parents’ place for Christmas. Boo!

    As to why the live audience is freaking the fuck out about the guys making various baskets, it may that this is the 30th take of that shot and they finally fucking made it. Having been to a studio audience taping of a different show, when an actor keeps flubbing a line or whatever, when they finally get it, it’s definitely a cheerworthy moment. But it doesn’t really make sense if you’re just watching at home.

    Like

  20. SavaFiend says:

    Ya know, maybe Jesse could play basketball better during practice if he wasn’t wearing a fucking leather jacket and leather pants! Like seriously, that jacket would really restrict movement, no wonder he can’t make a shot!

    Like

  21. Kimander7 says:

    Gawd. Stephanie knows it sucks. That dumb whorebag.

    Like

  22. RachWho? says:

    I was convinced there was yet another episode where Jesse played basketball, but I was thinking of this one, http://www.fullhousereviewed.com/2010/11/26/season-2-episode-15-pal-joey/, where Joey and Danny were playing together and Jesse came and took Joey away and Danny got butthurt. My mistake. But perusing that review reminded me of the early seasons when the show was actually semi-digestible pablum and not outright shit coated with feces mixed with diarrhea.

    I guess the writers have been building the “Jesse hates sports” thing for a while. Remember when he knew dick about hockey despite announcing a hockey game and didn’t even know what a puck was? http://www.fullhousereviewed.com/2012/10/19/season-6-episode-9-nice-guys-finish-first/

    Like

    • Oh Mylanta says:

      And of course, Nice Guys Finish First completely contradicts the episode where DJ sneaks her sisters into the movie theatre while all three of the dads are off playing hockey.

      Pal Joey sticks out in my mind only because there’s a blooper where Dave Coulier points out how you can see how little Bob Saget’s dick is in the tracksuit he’s wearing.

      Like

  23. KathySantoni says:

    While ‘phoning it in’ is putting it lightly for this 8th season, I feel like the writers just wrote a slapdash script around the fact that they could get an afternoon with Kareem Abdul Jabbar. I mean the guy is the Bo Jackson of sitcom appearances. He will do just about anything. It wasn’t like this was a terribly difficult cameo to obtain. Was anyone else hoping he would kick Jesse in the chest “Game of Death” style? And was anyone else hoping that Jesse would die prematurely like Bruce Lee and leave a lasting legacy that Steve Urkel could bastardize with his transformation machine? No? Alright, moving on…

    It’s hard to make Becky look homely. Even in that sweater. From her convalescent eyes you can obviously tell she’s dead inside. Her cold, black heart dripping of past expired dreams, hopes and aspirations after being calcified and chipped away like weathered, guano covered stalagmites from Jesse and the elephantiasis-caliber, ugly, demonspawn offspring from his chlamydia-doomseed dragging her down into the quicksand of their now Siamese-conjoined worthless life. I gotta say, she still looks good.

    Like

  24. Christie says:

    I really wish you were having your parties on the east coast. NYC would love to have you!

    Like

  25. Melanie says:

    I wish I could go to the SF thing but I’ll be in TX! Will you post pics of it?

    Like

  26. SavaFiend says:

    I don’t understand that sweater either. When I was in high school, the home economics class that chose to do sewing had to make clothing for themselves to wear, like for their proportions. And in the first screen cap, the sweater is clearly Stephanie-size. There is no way Becky would’ve been able to fit into it anyway! She should’ve just kept up with the white lies and told Stephanie, “Oh no, this won’t fit me, YOU wear it.” I would’ve loved to see them make Michelle wear it!

    Like

  27. Megan says:

    Ugh when will you put the eposoide when Steph gets stood up by that guy?! i need that one !

    Like

  28. Sarah says:

    Can I just say that it’s going to be such a sad day in January when this blog comes to and end :-(. It gives me a severe case of the sads. The upsides are I can always go back and re read everything and this site helped me through a breakup. Weird, right? I actually dated a guy who came from a family of self absorbed, egotistical, imposing aholes!! His family was JUST like the Tanners and reading this blog made me laugh as I drew waaaay too many comparisons between the fictional Tanners and the all too real “Jonses.” What a relief to escape that insanity!! Thank you FHR!!! I’m happier now than ever in life. I’m happier than Joey with a full can of Vanilla Weasels!

    Like

  29. Staplerhed says:

    What’s Murdok the pilot from Airplane doing playing a professional basketball player?

    Like

  30. Tee says:

    Aw man. I’m heading out of the city on December 18th to be with my family in LA for Christmas. I was so down for the wrap party!

    Like

  31. lovetolaugh says:

    I wish so much I could attend the finale party! Is there any chance somebody could YouTube it?

    I’m actually starting to enjoy the reviews that rip Jesse apart even more than the ones that rip Joey apart. I guess it’s because, even though Joey is useless and sad, he’s not as much of a straight-up asshole to everyone and Jesse is. He thinks he’s g-d’s gift to the world and, yet, the guy is not competent in one area of his life (except maybe in bed…how else could you explain Becky’s decision to keep him around?).

    Like

    • Stacy says:

      Honestly I wonder how good Jesse really is in bed. I’ve always had this theory (though I haven’t done actual personal research) that the majority of musicians wouldn’t be that great in bed – not that they couldn’t be but because they don’t have to try.

      I’m thinking more in the way of groupies and such – after all, if they constantly have women lining up to sleep with them (I’m envisioning the hair band guys as that’s my favorite type of music and I’ve watched the documentaries where they talked about the CONSTANT line up of groupies – so the Motley Crue, Guns n Roses, Poison, Warrant, Whitesnake, Def Leppard, Skid Row, etc. dudes) they just don’t have to put any EFFORT into it. Also dudes with groupies strike me as the type to be selfish – as in they want to get their rocks off but could care less about the woman’s needs/pleasure, because of the whole “Oh, you didn’t get off? Eh, who cares – NEXT!”.

      Of course this is all theory because even as much as I love the music, I have never been a groupie, so I don’t have any actual research into this.

      All this to say – because of Jesse’s attitude of thinking he’s all that and women were all over him (and they were portrayed as groupie types before Becky), I think he’d be a lousy lay.

      However, you could be right in that he decided to step up his game to keep Becky around because he has nothing else to keep her coming back for more otherwise.

      Like

  32. Corey says:

    Hey, I was the one who enlightened the blog about Comet’s background in Air Bud. I’m no Bridget, but I do know my Famous ’90s Dogs trivia!

    Like

    • Sara Wilson says:

      I made a contribution to that as well a while back, hehe, I think a few of us have brought it up at one point or another! We can all share the credit!

      Like

  33. Jes says:

    What about the fake background in the ball court scenes? It would have looked a lot been better if it were actually filmed outside. The episode where Michelle played soccer and scored for the other team was filmed outside. Not that it’s a big deal, I am just curious

    Like

  34. Mr Goodpart says:

    What an embarrassing episode for Stephanie. This sort of needy inadequacy is such a hallmark of the show, but it’s particularly pronounced here. It’s OBVIOUSLY a piece of shit sweater. It’s disgusting. The fact that Steph doesn’t realize this outright A) says a lot about her horrible taste and B) makes for a cringeworthy setup when we have to labor through Becky pretending it’s not a piece of shit. It’s not like she’s a 3rd grader having some dumbass arts & crafts abomination magneted to the fridge. She’s well into junior high and, one would think, possessive of at least a modicum of discernment. No wonder Gia’s the leader in their group.

    Like

  35. Courtney says:

    On sad note: and this has probably been posted already but I’m too lazy to scroll through all the comments to figure it out.

    Comment , whose real name was Buddy and did play the dog in the Air Bud movies. Passed away in 98′ and also had to have his leg amputated a year before due to cancer. He died peacefully in his sleep at his home with his owner.
    R.I.P Comment , he was probably the beat character on that show.

    Like

  36. Smash says:

    Ooo Danny Tanner with the tee-shirt tucked into his sweatpants. Hot stuff!! LOL.

    Like

  37. Rachel says:

    Personally, I’m amazed it was ever the same dog appearing on screen twice. I noticed small differences in the dogs once in a while and assumed they’d just hire whichever trained dog was currently in the immediate area for each episode.

    But damn, Airbud was my shit back in the day. I loved that dog. I didn’t even like basketball. I STILL don’t know how basketball is played. But everyone was playing basketball, whether it was a dog or a Looney Tunes character. The only person not playing basketball back in the 90s was me.

    Also, pretty sure the story lines are likely getting so nonsensical at the end of the show because the full house has been feeding off the energies of the same people for so long, while failing to bring in any new victims. It tried pretty hard with some of the girlfriends, but alas, only Becky stayed. It even tried with the donkey, but Uncle Jesse’s subconscious mind knew he could stop further feedings of the full house if he recited the theme song to a much better show.

    I wonder if that weird moment a few episodes ago where Uncle Joey vocalizes that he doesn’t have his own girlfriend or apartment was him briefly breaking through the waking-sleep that the full house puts its victims under and then realizing he is in fact still living there. But I suppose it doesn’t matter, because in the full house, you can order a pizza to be delivered to your bath tub.

    Also, Billy Superstar has kept his identity such a secret this entire time that his outright refusal to share his identity with us has me suspecting he is actually just John Stamos.

    Hey wow if you type ‘John Stamos’ into Google the drop down list suggests that you may want to search for the phrase ‘John Stamos belly button’. Why is that?

    …oh.

    Nevermind.

    Like

  38. Sara Wilson says:

    I could never make it from Florida to California for the party and I’m really bummed about that- I’ve loved this blog for so long I feel like I need to be there! 😦
    And I have to agree that I would love to see a little video of it, or at least a few pictures!

    Like

  39. Bridget says:

    Happy Thanksgiving everyone tomorrow! I work tomorrow and I hope I don’t go crazy! I thought of the first Thanksgiving FH episode and when the guys were trying to figure out how to make stuffing, I was thinking, “For God’s sake, buy Stovetop Stuffing!”

    Like

  40. Bridget says:

    I think at Thanksgiving we can all pray for Joseph, Summer, Gianni, and Joseph, Jr McStay. If you remember, this family who was like Jesse’s family all vanished and their bodies were found in a desert this month in California. The 2 boys had longish hair like Nicky and Alex and I did think Gianni was a girl at first.

    Like

    • JCC says:

      That’s horrible and all but you’re really stretching it with it’s relation to FH and it’s not a fun thing to read about in FH razz site comments section.

      Like

  41. Richard B says:

    Billy,

    I started reading this blog from the beginning about a month ago, when it was posted on Reddit. Seriously, it’s one of the best things I’ve ever found on the entire internetz. I’m just sad I didn’t find out about it earlier, since it’s so close to the end now. I also feel shitty about the fact that you had to go through all the pain of watching this terrible series, while I strutted around in life doing nothing to help you through it. I will from now on though!

    I’m thinking that I will watch every remaining episode, as you post them. Don’t have the dvd’s though, but I’ll find a way. A way that doesn’t bring a possible royalty check to Dave Coulier, because seriously, fuck that shit.

    Anyways, you’re a legend, Billy! Full House Reviewed forever! Foreveeeer… I’ve been so happy loving you…

    Like

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