Pre-Credits Gag: Becky, Jesse and the twins come downstairs in the morning to find Joey passed out on the counter. They make several attempts to wake him up but Joey just responds with cartoon character impressions before immediately falling back asleep. He eventually wakes up and tells them that he was up all night inventing, which still doesn’t explain why he was sleeping on the counter. He shows them his new invention, Silly-Doh, which is sort of a cross between Play-Doh and Silly Putty, then he gives it to the twins to play with.
Michelle comes downstairs and demands that Danny makes her an elaborate breakfast but he’s like, “tough shit. I’m in a hurry, so your ass is eatin’ a bagel.” Michelle’s like, “fuck all y’all, I’ma get up early tomorrow an’ make my own muthafuckin’ breakfast,” but then she realizes that she doesn’t know how to cook. Becky offers to teach her how but then Jesse’s all, “bitch, yo’ ass can’t cook for shit,” and then Becky’s like, “fuck you, asshole. Who are you to criticize me when I’ve been supporting your worthless ass all these years, you greasy bastard?” Becky mentions a fine dinner that she made for them in the past but then Danny and Jesse allude to all of the horrible shits that they took after they ate it, then Becky makes a very clear allusion to the fact that she’s not gonna fuck Jesse later because he’s being such a shithead, which is actually pretty awesome.
Since when is Becky a shitty cook? It’s weird that they’re busting out these 11th-hour character traits, and always for the sake of some weak ass storyline. It’s like they’re just totally out of things to do with these incredibly 1-dimensional characters so they’re just sitting around the writers room like, “well, we need some kind of story… what could someone by bad at?”
Becky and Michelle make plans to prepare dinner together later and then everyone but Jesse leaves because they all have actual responsibilities. Kimmie Gibbler comes over and DJ tells her the idea that she thought up for their senior prank, which is to print up a fake school newspaper with joke articles. Jesse tells her that her idea’s tame even by this show’s standards and then he briefs her about how, when he was a student at her school, he stole the principal’s toupee and sent it up the flag pole. DJ and Kimmie Gibbler both say that they’ve heard all about that legendary prank but didn’t know that Jesse was the culprit and then they’re inspired to think up a really good prank of their own. DJ says that she’s super nervous about trying to pull off an ambitious prank because pranksters could potentially be expelled and not get into college if they’re caught, plus she’s, like, a total fucking square who never does anything remotely naughty.
Michelle and Becky join forces to make a meatloaf based on Becky’s Grandmother’s recipe but all of the measurements are ambiguous, like, “a smidgeon,” or “an inkling.” Is that why Becky’s supposed to be a shitty cook? Because her Grandmother wrote abstruse recipes?
Kimmie Gibbler comes into DJ’s room with her boyfriend, Dwayne, because we really needed to see that guy again. Kimmie Gibbler explains that Dwayne has access to a big crane due to some plumbing gig he has (a perfectly reasonable explanation) and when they ask him about it he just says, “whatever.” DJ, in a meta-moment, asks Dwayne if all he ever says is “whatever” and he says, “I guess,” adding further complexity to his character. Kimmie Gibbler says that she wants to use the crane to hoist the principal into the sky, which would pretty likely kill him, but then DJ says that she has a better idea.
DJ has Dwayne lift the principal’s car onto the roof of the school with the big crane, which has got to be the most conspicuous prank imaginable. Regardless, it goes off without a hitch and all the kids are pretty excited about pulling off the greatest prank ever.
Back at the full house, everyone praises Becky’s meatloaf. Wait, so it came out well? So what was the point of all that confusion over measurements? Well, I guess it is pretty hard to fuck up a meatloaf…
Everyone says that they’re hella full but then Becky busts out the rest of the meatloaf, which has to weigh like 80 pounds. She explains that she made so much because the recipe was designed to feed their entire trailer park, which makes perfect sense considering that the recipe had completely ambiguous measurements. Anyway, everyone’s too full to eat anymore so she feeds some to the dog.
DJ and Kimmie Gibbler come home and tell Jesse about their prank and he swells up with pride. DJ is all high off of doing something exciting for the first time in her incredibly boring life but then a storm starts a-brewin’ and she realizes that they left the car with the top down so the interior will be destroyed by the rain. DJ remembers that the car has an automatic top so there’s no way to put it up without the car keys because it’s not like you can just throw a tarp over it or anything but then Jesse says that he can hotwire it so they all head back to the roof.
Back on the roof, Jesse hotwires the car and raises the hood with ease. Kimmie Gibbler warns Jesse and DJ that a security guard is approaching so Jesse urges the girls to hide and let him take the rap. Where was this security guard when they were lifting the car onto the roof with a big ass crane? Jesse is apprehended and DJ is filled with guilt, but Kimmie Gibbler doesn’t give a shit at all.
Back at the full house, everyone continues to kiss Becky’s ass about how good her meatloaf was. Stephanie comes in with the dog and tells everyone that he’s been barfing hella hard in the back yard. Everyone speculates about what the cause could be for about 2 seconds before deciding that it must have been the meatloaf.
Everyone starts clutching their stomachs and wondering what they’re going to do because there’s like 30 of them and only one bathroom. Becky tells them that they’re all being a bunch of dicks and that their symptoms are psychosomatic. The twins come in from the other room and tell Becky that someone took all their Silly-Doh (Joey’s stupid invention from the pre-credits gag, remember?). Becky then deduces that Comet ate it, which is why he got so sick. Becky tells everyone to go fuck themselves for being hypochondriacs and shit-talking her meatloaf, and that’s the end of the Becky-is-a-shitty-cook storyline.
The security guard takes Jesse to the principal’s office, which doesn’t really make any sense, and then the principal comes in and scolds him. This guy’s not really that old, considering that he’s supposed to have been the principal since Jesse was a student.
Jesse tries to nonchalantly exit the scene but the principal tells him that he’s going to have him arrested. Jesse tries to weasel his way out of this but then DJ comes in and admits that she was the perpetrator of the whole incident. Jesse, in his first unselfish act, continues to attempt to take the blame but DJ persists. The principal asks DJ why she would do such a thing and the music comes on as she explains that she wanted to leave a legacy, which is kind of hard to do with an anonymous prank. DJ didn’t even know that Jesse was the perpetrator of the previous legendary prank, and they’re close ass family members. Anyway, in typical sitcom cliche fashion, the principal acts all angry before completely switching gears and saying that he loved the prank and only pretends to hate senior pranks because it’s part of the fun of it.
DJ doesn’t get in any trouble at all and then Jesse’s like, “what the fuck? You were gonna arrest me when you thought I did it,” and the principal explains that he was going to press charges against him because he hates his stupid guts. In the final moment, Kimmie Gibbler comes in and says that she found the culprit. She pulls Dwayne in, who has apparently agreed to take the blame, and he says, “whatever.” Whatever, indeed!
Alright, y’all, I hope to see you at the El Rio in San Francisco tomorrow night, Saturday the 21st, at 7 PM! I’m not gonna be doing any documenting but it would be real cool if some of y’all would take pictures or video or something. Ok super cool see you soon!