Pre-Credits Gag: Jesse comes home late after Motocross racing with his friends and Becky is pissed because she was all worried about him, what with Motocross being hella dangerous and all. He’s like, “I never gave a shit about how you felt before, and I’m not about to start now. It’s like that, and that’s the way it is.” He explains to her about how taking risks makes him feel alive but then their conversation is cut short because the twins clog up the toilet by flushing some nondescript item down it.
As the family all sit around watching Jerry Springer, Joey comes in and gives Stephanie and DJ tickets to the Counting Crows concert. Counting Crows, huh? Haven’t heard much about those guys in a while…could they be yet another casualty of being name-dropped on Full House?
Michelle overhears that Stephanie and DJ were given tickets to a concert and she’s like, “why don’t I get to go to the concert? DON’T YOU ALL UNDERSTAND THAT EVERYTHING IS ALL ABOUT ME, ALL OF THE TIME!??!” Danny explains that she, like the majority of America, doesn’t even like the Counting Crows, but Michelle insists that she’s totally a fan. I know that I’ve been listing reasons what I hate Michelle for years now, but I think my intolerance of her can actually be wholly summarized by this fucking shitty face that she makes at least once an episode.
Danny decides that it would only be fair to give Michelle a chance to snake some tickets to a concert that she doesn’t even care about from her sisters who really want to go, so he makes them draw straws. Stephanie gets the short straw, which is almost like a metaphor for her whole character or something. Danny starts telling DJ about all of the new responsibilities she has now that she’s bringing her stupid little baby sister to the concert and then, when DJ complains, he explains to her that life isn’t always fair. But wasn’t the whole pretense for making the girls draw straws that it was the only way to make things fair? So why does that have to be fair, but this other thing doesn’t? Can’t he at least be honest and admit that fairness isn’t the issue and it’s really all just about accommodating what a piece of shit Michelle is? Why does the lesson have to be convoluted by false morality? I’m starting to think that Full House might not be a very good show.
After Danny leaves the scene, Michelle admits that she’s never even heard of the Counting Crows, and Stephanie and DJ get super pissed. They decide that, since no precedent has ever been set for honesty and they can’t just use logic or straightforwardness to resolve the situation, they’d better cook up a zany scheme to get Michelle to give up her ticket.
As Joey and Jesse sit around the house getting ready to watch Wake Up, San Francisco, I couldn’t help but wonder if they’re supposed to be unemployed again. Did they lose their radio DJ jobs? Why else would they be just sitting around eating and watching tv in the middle of the day?
The show’s guest is “the bungee jumping grandma” because I guess they couldn’t score any actual celebrities. They watch a video of her most recent bungee jump and it almost seems like they used a really obvious stunt double on purpose to be funny, but they totally didn’t. Becky becomes inspired by the stunt footage and starts talking about how her husband might be right about the importance of taking risks even though the audience of Wake Up, San Francisco would have no reference for what she’s talking about. The bungee jumping grandma invites Becky and Danny to do a jump with her and Danny outright refuses but Becky’s all about that shit, which makes Jesse, who’s still watching at home, feel perturbed.
When Becky gets home, Jesse straight up forbids her to go bungee jumping. She asks why it’s ok for him to take careless risks and not her and he’s like, “haven’t you been paying attention to anything that’s happened during our entire relationship? I do whatever I want and I don’t care about how you feel at all. Your needs are irrelevant. Go make me a sandwich.”
Becky decides that she wants to actually have some dignity for the first time sine her tragic wedding day and tells Jesse to go suck a dick because she’s totally going bungee jumping whether he likes it or not. You go, girl!
DJ and Stephanie put on their winter coats and crank up the heat in the full house in order to create a ruse to convince Michelle that she has some weird disease. They tell her that it’s super cold in the house and she only feels hot because it’s one of her symptoms and then they make her get in bed before showing her a mirror with spots drawn all over it to convince her that she’s covered in them. I’m not even going to elaborate on why that gag doesn’t make any sense.
DJ and Stephanie convince Michelle that she has this made up disease and that she has to stay in bed and not tell Danny about it and then Kimmie Gibbler comes in and almost fucks it all up but in the end they succeed at suckering Michelle out of her Counting Crows ticket.
As DJ and Stephanie make their way out the door, Michelle delivers this incredibly contrived speech about how she only swindled Stephanie’s ticket out of her because she looks up to her older sisters so much and wants to be just like them. DJ and Stephanie are effectively manipulated and admit that they made up the whole illness because they wanted the ticket back and then DJ offers to take Michelle after all. Michelle insists that Stephanie should go in her place and then the three of them agree to do some fun activity together the following week for the sake of sisterly bonding. Seriously, though, a 2-minute-long straightforward conversation could have averted this entire situation. And who had the idea to convince Michele that she had some obscure disease as a solution? Even for a zany scheme that’s quite a stretch. Oh well. At least it’s over.
As Becky is leaving for work, Jesse rushes downstairs in his bathrobe (a nice detail alluding to how he has no job or responsibilities) and tries once again to convince her not to bungee jump. He says that he understands that she’s just doing it to get back at him for taking unnecessary risks all the time without considering how they effect her but she tells him that she’s actually doing it because she never takes any risks herself and wants to try and live a little. Jesse is unable to comprehend how Becky’s actions aren’t entirely based on responding to his own behavior and then he continues to try to convince her not to do the jump. She tells him that he doesn’t understand her and walks out of the house, which is kind of awesome, although it would be much more so if that meant that they were getting a divorce. I can’t think of a better wrap up for this series than these two getting divorced. Oh yeah, also, if Joey died.
Jesse seeks counsel from Joey, who tells him that he’s worried about Becky because her life means more to him than his own, which is total nonsense. I refuse to believe for one second that Jesse cares about anything in the world more than himself. That’s, like, the whole basis of his character. I also always find it deeply unsettling when Joey steps in as the voice of reason.
Becky prepares for the bungee jump right after the next commercial break and then they cut to a wide shot that shows the whole crew. Since when does Wake Up, San Francisco have a crew? Based on the production value of the series, what with the constant bungling and all, I always assumed it had the same productions standards as your average Youtube video. Who are all these people that actually work on the show all of a sudden? And why haven’t they ever done anything to avoid all of those catastrophes that have taken place on camera over the years?
Becky starts to get all freaked out about bungee jumping even though the bungee jumping grandma tells her that this spot has a perfect safety record. She actually doesn’t seem worried until right after she’s given that information, which is pretty odd. Becky decides to punk out on bungee jumping but the bungee jumping grandma says that she’ll save the show by doing the jump in her bikini, which gets a big laugh. An old lady in a bikini? What a ridiculous idea! Put that old bat in a burka! Or, better yet, don’t let her go outside at all! Anyway, Becky laments not doing the jump but Danny comforts her briefly before saying, “I’m gonna get some danish and some makeup, and…something else. See ya,” which struck me as very odd. Was that moment unscripted? What did he mean by “something else?” Why did that happen?
Jesse rides his motorcycle onto the set and walks right up to Becky, which isn’t a big problem because the show is on a commercial break, not that he knows that, or cares. It’s not like shit like that hasn’t happened on Wake Up, San Francisco a million times before anyway. Inspiring, gentle music plays as Jesse tells Becky that he understands her now and that she should take a risk if she wants to. Becky says that she’s too scared to jump but Jesse tries to convince her that she should do it and then the crew tell him to get off the set because the show’s about to start back up. Seriously, where did this adroit crew come from all of a sudden? I’m completely blown away.
Danny asks Becky whether or not she’s going to jump and then he’s taken back by the site of the bungee jumping grandma in a thong, which is only referred to and never seen. Once the show starts up again, Becky decides on-camera that she’s going to be jumping with Jesse, who she grabs and pulls onto the set. Jesse disputes this but is ultimately forced to do the jump with her.
Right before they jump, they both say, “have mercy,” and then there’s some footage of (less obvious) stunt doubles making the jump. As they hang from the cord, Becky tells Jesse that she loves him and that she’s so glad she did this and then the credits come on.