Full House, Reviewed

Since this post is going to live at the top of the site until the end of time, I thought I should start with a disclaimer for people that are stumbling onto this page for the first time.  This is a blog that contains scathing reviews of every episode of Full House, the worst sitcom of all time.  It’s written for jokes.  This final post is a sort of retrospective/personal essay about the show and the process of writing the blog, so if you’re just seeing this for the first time, I’d start with pretty much any post other than this one.

Now that we’ve reached the end of this endeavor, I think that there are two main questions left to address.  The first is the central conundrum of the project, which is, “what the fuck was up with this shitty show?”  The other is embedded in the undertaking, which is, “what the fuck is wrong with me that I decided to spend so much time writing about a show that sucks so hard?”  Both questions are probably impossible to answer fully, but I thought that a final attempt to do so would be a proper way to wrap this thing up.

The story of how Full House came to be seems pretty simple, as near as I can tell.  Jeff Franklin, the guy who made “Summer School” and “Just One of the Guys,” two moderately entertaining movies that were on tv an awful lot when I was growing up, got a shot at creating a tv series.  He pitched a show about 3 comedians who all lived together and it got retooled into a series that was more or less a rip-off of the movie “3 Men and a Baby.”  The network was interested in preachy, moralistic, family-friendly programming at the time and that gradually overrode Franklin’s more raunchy and subversive tendencies as a creator.  As the show became successful it started to rely more and more heavily on its established conventions, including terrible catch-phrases and socially tactless characters, and that’s pretty much all there is to it.

So why was this show such a success?  Honestly I think it just hit the right note at the right time.  It was just harmless enough, friendly enough, easily digestible enough.  It’s like junk food.  You always know exactly what you’re going to get when you watch it and it presents no challenge or need to think whatsoever.  You know it’s bad for you but you still engage.  It’s an indulgence.  One thing I didn’t realize going into this project that became clear as I paid attention to the site’s demographics is that an awful lot of young girls watched the show.  That actually explains a lot, because a series about 3 little girls who have 3 doting, non-threatening father figures tending to their every whim and need is a pretty obvious little girl fantasy.  Ultimately, I think that Full House is a product of a unique time, when a combination of low-quality elements somehow came together to create a hit series that couldn’t have endured during any other period.

I think that this blog is a product of a unique time as well.  A comprehensive review of the entire run of a twenty year old tv series that wasn’t any good is something that could only exist at this precise moment (or maybe in the future, if things don’t improve).  I got hooked on reading about stupid bullshit on the internet while working at my last day job.  I found terrible trends in pop-culture from my youth to be particularly appealing for my internet time-wastes, as do many people.  My theory is that this comes from a desire to retread ones youth from a more controlled or empowered vantage point.  Most of us who are so preoccupied with our childhoods and the things that came with it are trying to make amends with all the hardship that we endured growing up.  Our generation had more frivolous stuff than any that came before (a trend that’s certainly continuing, exponentially) and things like Ninja Turtle action figures were a respite from the horrors and difficulty of being a kid.  Revisiting those things as a grown-up is an attempt to recapture that withdrawn escape from real life that was so necessary for us.  Recognizing what was sort of crappy or ridiculous about these artifacts and entertainment that we spent so much time absorbing is a method of revisiting that period in our lives from a place of heightened understanding and control that was beyond our reach at the time.  It’s also an experience we share with so many people.  Although our time spent playing Nintendo or watching crappy tv shows was often a private endeavor, there were millions of people doing the same thing at the exact same time, and the internet allows us to share those experiences in a way that’s both connected and personal but also equally private and withdrawn.

I’ve written a fair amount about how this project came about as a writing exercise, and that certainly had a lot to do with why I started it.  Writing was becoming an increasingly important element of my work and I was seeking a routine for practicing it that wasn’t too demanding, so recapping a shitty show seemed like an ideal assignment.  It was just easy enough and just challenging enough, just creative enough and just mindless enough.  But I was also using the practice as a method of managing anxiety.  When my career became an actual thing that I had to manage, I got fucking freaked out.  When you work so hard for years and years to get your shit together it can be really shocking when it finally happens.  As soon as I was in a state where I wasn’t constantly struggling to stay afloat, and when my professional ambitions became something of a reality, I had no idea what to do with myself at all.  There’s also a strange thing that happens when your creative endeavor becomes your job.  It makes a practice that was purely enjoyable start to feel like work, which is something I’ve been struggling with for some time now.  I think that a need for some new creative diversion was a major reason why I decided to invent a regular writing exercise for myself, and a need for it to be somewhat frivolous was a big part of why it was based around a sardonic revisitation of a crappy show from my childhood.  I should also add that it’s extremely cathartic to vent all your negativity towards an easy target every week, especially if it really doesn’t seem to be hurting anybody.

It’s impossible to spend so much time writing about something without finding, or at least inventing, certain connections.  At it’s core I think that Full House is just a show that strives to be about family values, or a sort of idealistic view of what a loving, morally-superior family is supposed to be like.  Although the fact that these characters are all so obnoxious and inconsiderate makes that idea become a sort of a horror show, I do think that the series’ intentions were good.  Full Houses’s greatest failing is that it features characters that are so incapable of persuasively delivering its intended messages.  When these people tell you that drinking is wrong, what you’re really hearing is that these people are a bunch of fucking squares, so maybe drinking is actually pretty cool.  When Stephanie gets to take a mulligan at the dance competition, what we’re told is that it’s ok to make mistakes and you should always try again, but the lesson in real life would be that sometimes you fuck up and humiliate yourself and that’s all there is to it.  Suck it up, kid.  Better luck next time.  That’s a pretty valuable life lesson, and one you never once hear on Full House.

Full House is, essentially, a series about non-conventional families.  I don’t think that the creators put much more thought into this than, “hey, wouldn’t it be funny if three ridiculous assholes raised some kids together?” but the idea of a unique or non-traditional family structure is still heavily rooted into the series’ foundation.  I think that another one of the series’ greatest failings is a complete disregard for this idea.  I found myself writing about this early on but it took much longer for me to consciously consider the fact that I myself was raised by my lesbian mom in the California Bay Area at pretty much the exact time that this series was on the air and, after becoming aware of that association, I did wonder how much this had to do with what a low opinion I have of this show.  To be fair, the more obvious failings of the series have to do with the poor quality of the writing, acting, set design, costume design, story ideas, etc. etc. etc., so I don’t think there’s much to be salvaged here from any vantage point.  But I also think that this series could have taken a lot more responsibility for its premise and maybe provided some validation or identification for all sorts of kids who came from a non-traditional family structure.  The fact that the homosexual tension between the dad characters is such a comical element throughout the series is a testament to how unwilling the creators were to do anything smart or subversive or even meaningful with the inherent subtext that they’d created.  I don’t think enough thought when into any of this for it to really be considered offensive, and developing a progressive undertone about gay families was probably something that network television wasn’t prepared for (and that the creators weren’t interested in doing), but I do think that all of this creates a very unusual social context for the series.

The other major theme is white privilege.  Full House is essentially a series about a large family of upper-class white people who don’t really work hard or earn anything that they have and who possess virtually no regard for any of the people around them and yet they excel at everything they do and are constantly rewarded and handed incredible opportunities at every turn.  Again, I don’t think that much thought went into this other than that it made the characters more interesting for tv, but I do think that Full House is probably the best example that exists of why people in other countries think that the U.S. is a shitty place.

Beyond those observations, I think I’ve said everything I have to say about Full House.  Regardless, I really am going to miss this blog.  Although I think that the tone was fairly consistent, my relationship with it changed a lot over the course of the project and, like anyone’s does over the course of 4 years, my life changed a lot, too.  I’ll always remember struggling to keep up with weekly posts early on, before anyone was even reading the thing, especially when I moved across the country.  While I was packing up my shit I got a bunch of entries done ahead of time and during the move I scrambled to find ways to post them.  At one point I found myself standing outside of a Starbucks at 1 AM so I could bum the free wifi with my ipod so I could post the new review and I kind of had to wonder what I was doing with my life.  No one would have given a shit if I’d missed a post at that point, but I would have known, and that was enough.

One of the craziest things that happened in a life-meets-art kind of a way is that, while I was writing the episode about Danny’s mom showing up at the full house for the final time, my grandmother died in real life.  I never really wrote about anything personal in the blog but I think that reading that particular entry with that knowledge in your head makes it a pretty interesting post.

When I got about halfway through the series I was feeling like I’d gotten enough out of the project and was seriously considering packing it in.  One day a friend of mine who is particularly internet savvy called me up to tell me that FHR had been posted on something called Metafilter (I still don’t really know what that is) and so I checked the site’s stats.  Before then, the most hits I’d had in a day was about 600 when Dave Coulier accidentally retweeted the sites URL that one of my few readers had sent to him, but all of a sudden I had 30,000 hits in a day.  The site went viral and ended up getting reposted all over the internet and all of a sudden I had an actual sizeable following.  Having a popular blog is a funny thing because it doesn’t really lessen the feeling that you’re just some nerd who’s wasting a bunch of time fucking around on the internet, but it does make it feel a little more valid.

I realized that I couldn’t rent Season 5 on Netflix so I decided to quit the project if fans didn’t buy the rest of the DVD’s for me (which cost about $10 each).  There was definitely some belly-aching about this but the DVD’s were purchased within a matter of hours and I think that I needed that exchange to occur in order to make me feel sufficiently obligated to complete the project. Having a readership definitely helped but for some reason the feeling that I’d be welching on a $10 agreement I’d made with someone assured that I wouldn’t be backing out, ever.

While I was reviewing Season 5, just before I turned 30, a bunch of crazy shit happened all at once in my personal life.  I was woken up one morning and subjected to the most abrupt, uncivil break-up of my entire life.  It was the kind of break-up where you’re not given any explanation but it’s just totally over so you go stay at your friend’s house in their spare room that smells like cat pee and return to the apartment that you’re still paying for during designated times when no one’s there to pack up your shit and find all this really conspicuous evidence that some strange guy’s been having sex in your bed.  Suffice to say, I was a little fucked up for a while, and I came the closest I ever did to having to stop the blog for a while.  Ultimately I decided that I needed to keep doing it to give myself something to focus on, that the routine was good for me, and I think that this decision really changed my relationship with the project.  While I was staying in that cat pee room I watched the episode where Michelle learned how to ride a bike and I found myself cackling with sinister laughter while watching her fall into the bushes, and it was at that precise moment that I knew that everything would be ok.

After I found a new apartment and got my shit settled in I started to feel this incredible euphoria.  For the past several years I’d been trying to make a crappy relationship work and spending all my time getting high and working at home and all of a sudden I felt this wealth of possibility.  I felt like I’d just come out of a coma.  I started going out and doing stuff, I made a bunch of new friends, I started sleeping better, I worked a lot less, I went to the river, I got to be a judge in a sandwich competition, I started dating someone new and it was amazing.  It was actually this period when I found it to be most difficult to maintain the blog but, like I said, a few people had contributed those $10 DVD box sets, so what choice did I have.

Another major event was that the company I’d been doing regular contract work with offered to make me an official employee so I’d receive health benefits but in order to do so I’d be subject to random drug tests.  Just as I was turning 30, I had to make a choice between smoking weed and having health insurance.  I wouldn’t say that this was an easy decision, but I will say that the choice was obvious.  I was worried that after the fact I’d become some preachy guy about how smoking weed is shitty or something but I really don’t feel that way at all.  I think that smoking weed is pretty great.  But I was doing it, like, all the time, for years and years, and totally failing to moderate it, so quitting was probably a good idea.  I haven’t really spent much time going back and reading old entries but I’m curious about how differently the first 6 Seasons read from the last 2, which were the only ones that weren’t written when I was super high.  I will say that reviewing Full House was a lot more of a challenge without the effects of sweet, sweet reefer.

So there you have it.  This blog was the product of being in a shitty relationship and getting really high all the time.  That’s pretty much the entire behind the scenes story.

The main thing that makes this project feel like it was worth doing is the amazing community that accumulated around it.  It’s totally incredible to me that I created a place on the internet where I could be an asshole every week and vent all my hostility and yet I ended up feeling like I did something good.  As the comments section became more active, people started opening up more, and I really felt like I had somehow created a space where people could work out some stuff and find support.  I have no idea how this happened, as it seems so counter-intuitive to the tone of the project (and defies pretty much every comments section I’ve ever seen on the internet), but I do think it’s the thing I’m most proud of.  I really do want to thank every person that shared this experience with me, and who shared their own experiences as well.  We may not know each other in real life but we went through this thing together.  There’s something amazing about that.

One last thing I’ll address before I retire from this project forever is that I think I may have endured this process for one other reason that occurred to me late in the game.  For whatever reason, I was always compelled to watch Full House whenever it was on.  I think I enjoyed the visceral anger it gave me.  The process of watching and reviewing every episode is kind of like that old convention where your dad catches you smoking a cigarette when you’re a kid so he makes you smoke a whole carton, and then you get so sick that you never want to smoke again.  I’m sure that going through this process did irreparable damage to my psyche in ways that will take years to understand, but one positive effect it had was that I’ll definitely never sit through another episode.

Fuck you, Full House.  I’m never watching you ever again.

I thought a lot about what I wanted the final moment on this site to be and the answer occurred to me about a year ago, so when I went home to visit my family over the Summer I made a special field trip just for you.  Before I get to it I just wanted to say thank you one last time.  A lot of people have written to say that I made their Friday mornings better over the last few years and I want you to know that you did the same for me.  Absolutely.

Your pal,

~Billy Superstar~






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141 Responses to Full House, Reviewed

  1. Katie says:

    Oh, Billy cut. it. out. You’re making me all weepy. Thanks for sharing all that personal info. You didn’t even have to do that, but it really makes the blog feel all the more special. For you to continue to write despite all the crap you were going through just shows your professionalism and dedication.

    It’s hard to break habits so I’m sure every Friday I’ll be back here. Maybe I’ll start all over again with Season 1. Now knowing the behind the scenes stuff will make this all the more interesting. Thank you again. –Katie


  2. Oh Mylanta says:

    *soft sappy heartfelt music plays*

    Reading your backstory has made me respect you even for for sticking with this project. It’s very admirable that you stuck it out through a breakup AND a family death AND cat pee just to entertain a bunch of strangers on the internet. I am one of many who looked forward to reading a new FHR post every Friday morning. Guess I’ll have to go back and read them all again…

    I gotta say, finding this blog has made catching a Full House rerun on Nick at Nite even more enjoyable for me. I was watching a Papouli episode a while back and all I could think of was the gay sex boat. Yes, it’s a piece of shit show, but for me it falls into the “so bad, it’s funny” category.

    Thanks for the laughs, Billy. I hope you never have to see another Full House episode ever again.


  3. Kayla says:

    I would watch each episode before reading your review to try to be in a similar mindset, and I’ve gotta say, I agree about never wanting to watch the show again. I used to have a hard time turning it off and would watch it whenever I came across it flipping channels…but now I get annoyed when I even hear the characters’ voices! Watching them all in order can change a person.

    Thanks again for the entertainment!


  4. The Twins' Speech Therapist says:

    Mr. Superstar,

    I hate to sound like a broken record, but I feel it wouldn’t be right to not thank you for all the months of enjoyment you’ve given me. I moved 2,000 miles from home back in July on a Thursday night and stayed temporarily in a hippie commune on an uncomfortable couch in the music room with 17 people, people those people were banging and 3 cats coming in and out and the very first thing I thought of when I woke up the next morning wasn’t “I’m going to go explore this new city” or “I’m tired” or “I’m going to go find a place to live.” It was “I’m going to go check out FHR!” Your blog helped me feel happy in a kind of unsettling situation. As I’ve been here over the past 6 months I went through a very stressful job dealing with people being asshole parthenons and other very tough times regarding health and finances but the blog was always here to bring a smile to my face.

    The fact that I now know that you went through so much while making this blog makes me appreciate it even more. As someone else said, I’m constantly saying that work ethic is a thing of the past and it pisses me off, but you, sir, have great work ethic. We must have that in common because we’re both educators. 🙂

    You made me laugh out loud several times and it’s hard to get me to laugh out loud.

    Like many other people have said, I grew up on the show and loved it and just never realized what moochers and self-centered people lived in the full house or the continuity errors.

    I asked the Full house dads when they were on Reddit the other day why they kissed Michelle on the lips and why there were so many homosexual moments on the show but sadly they didn’t answer. 😦

    I really enjoyed reading the comments on here too and agree that it was a wonderful little community with very few trolls.

    My cat is sitting next to me and purring so I think that means he likes the blog too and thanks you.

    I’m really sad this is the last post but you did a great job wrapping it up– that picture is awesome. I hope the Tanner family looked out and saw you giving them the bird. 😛

    I’ve rambled long enough. Best of luck in the future. We will all miss you and we’ll never forget this blog.

    Thanks again!


  5. Sarah Portland says:

    “At one point I found myself standing outside of a Starbucks at 1 AM so I could bum the free wifi with my ipod so I could post the new review and I kind of had to wonder what I was doing with my life. No one would have given a shit if I’d missed a post at that point, but I would have known, and that was enough.”

    I think this speaks volumes about the creative life. Each week, I drag my DVDs to the public library, within the small-ish window that it is open, because my old computer does not take screen-captures. Sometimes I have to skip things. “No, I’m sorry. I have to blog, and the post is due Monday morning at midnight.” I lose my mind a little if the post is late, even if I have been sick, or real life has intervened. “Why do you care?” asks the roommate. “Just post it the next day.” Because the site says that it updates on Mondays. I have a social contract with my readers, even if it is less than 60 people. Because if I don’t post the link to it on Monday on FB, and link tag certain people, they get upset. Because I set that goal for myself. Because if you don’t practice your drawing/painting/writing/whatever skills, they disappear. Because eight months later, I still have post-thesis let-down and must do something creative each week or I will become another one of those people with an art degree who never makes anything ever again. It is a contract that we make with ourselves, and which will persevere whether we have 5000 readers or 5.
    Each week, I force myself through an hour of Shatner’s shitty acting, and I have you to thank for that, Mr Superstar.
    Much love,
    Sarah Portland
    PS – Go Sloths!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Brendan Noel says:

    Never been a regular commenter around here, but just wanted to stop in and say thanks for all the entertainment. I grew up watching Full House reruns on TBS in the late 90s and even just to read these posts feels like such catharsis, so congrats on completing the project.

    More specifically though, this is a really great final entry. I think you really hit the nail on the head regarding how we view entertainment from our youth today and that Full House’s biggest sin (if I can only choose one) is how it wastes countless opportunities to have an interesting familial premise. Looking forward to your SBTB podcasts, and I hope you keep up some writing in some form (even if irregular) because this was great.

    And that ending…that, sir, is perfect.


  7. Christian says:

    Thanks for giving us some insight into the real you. This made me appreciate you and everything you did even more. It was also nice to see how much we had in common.

    Now I’m going to miss this blog even more. Well, I know it will still be here but you know what I mean.

    Thank you for this wonderful final post!


  8. CathySantone says:

    Thank you so much for opening up and sharing. Thank you for everything.


  9. Ashley says:

    That picture is the most absolutely perfect way to end this blog. Thank you for everything, Billy. 🙂


  10. Sarah says:

    Thanks for the laughs, Billy. After all this time, it’s strange to think there will be no more Friday updates… But I’m glad you’re free. You’ve got a talent, don’t let it go to waste, keep on writing, brother.


  11. RachWho? says:

    Damn it. That almost made me cry. I think one of the things that drew me to your blog was not only your hilarious writing about a show that partially defined my childhood, but that I could sense that this was coming from a real person. In all the scathing commentary and witty sarcasm, it was clear that the author was a real, honest-to-goodness, 3-dimensional human being (unlike the residents of the Full House). Knowing more know about how you came to begin this project and what was going on in your life as you wrote each post proves that. This is, hands down, my favorite blog of all time and my favorite group of commenters of all time. This, without question, is a sad occasion. I’ll miss you and this blog more than I could really say, but I am comforted to know so many other folks here understand exactly what I’m feeling.


  12. Jen says:

    I’m not sure if I’ve ever posted before, but I found the blog while you were reviewing Season 4 and I’ve been reading along since (after I caught up with the old seasons). I was 10 when the show started, so I think I stopped watching after Season 4 or 5 in real life, but I decided to stick with Full House Reviewed until the bitter end. Congratulations on making it to the end! My Fridays won’t be the same.


  13. Thanks for sharing all that stuff. It was interesting to hear about what was going on in your life during the duration of this project.

    I agree, your comments section is very unusual. I love the community and friendliness of it. I hate internet comments sections because most of them are filled with such mean-spirited, idiotic trolls, and I’d rather not waste my time with that. But yours is different.

    You really created something special. FHR is the real Mc Coy, the Coke original. But you’ve inspired so many people to add to your product line. Not all of them are still active, but there are several review blogs that would not have existed with out you. Mine included.

    I hope this isn’t the last post, exactly – you had said you were going to post some photos and/or video of the wrap parties. Since I reside in the midwest, I sadly couldn’t make them. I’d love to be able to catch a glimpse of what happened.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Orangutan Twin says:

    Thanks for sharing the behind-the-scenes story, Billy. I think having a regular project, even a dumb one, really helps get a person through the shitty times in their life. It’s motivating, and it shows you that you can accomplish something, even if that something is of nebulous value. It sounds like you’ve accomplished a lot of actually valuable things also while doing this, which is awesome.

    I’ll miss new entries every Friday morning, and I’ll definitely keep an eye out for future projects. Despite all the vitriol, your tone and the tone you set for the blog was fun and never mean-spirited, which I think was what made the comments a pleasant place to be (which is a big accomplishment, the Internet being what it is).


  15. jbeee says:

    Thanks for toughing it out during all the ups and downs for us. This site is my favourite. Thanks for all the laughs and memories. Will miss you!


  16. Cairenn says:

    Thanks for the laughs, BillySuperstar! Lucky for me I only found this blog a few weeks ago and haven’t read it all yet. Even I got tears reading this, though. Can’t we all just have a group hug?


  17. Cairenn says:

    “After I found a new apartment and got my shit settled in I started to feel this incredible euphoria. For the past several years I’d been trying to make a crappy relationship work and spending all my time getting high and working at home and all of a sudden I felt this wealth of possibility. I felt like I’d just come out of a coma. I started going out and doing stuff, I made a bunch of new friends, I started sleeping better, I worked a lot less, I went to the river, I got to be a judge in a sandwich competition, I started dating someone new and it was amazing. It was actually this period when I found it to be most difficult to maintain the blog but, like I said, a few people had contributed those $10 DVD box sets, so what choice did I have.”

    this part reminds me of the ben folds song “landed”. just a thought!


  18. Sully says:

    I started reading a few years ago when I googled something or other to do with Full House, and up popped your site. From the first line I read, I was hooked. How can anyone not cackle with glee at someone smashing to pieces a tv show that an entire generation thought was the best shit ever to be broadcast, when in fact, it was the absolute WORST! I can distinctly remember PLAYING Full House with my friends when I was 9 or 10. Yes, that would be a bunch of girls pretending to be characters from the show, and playing “house”.

    My favourite part of the blog was anticipating what cringe worthy episode or scene would come next. I had incredible flashbacks of watching those scenes as a child and feeling embarrassed for everyone involved. It’s like I knew it sucked, even when I didn’t realize it sucked.

    I’ll miss my Saturday morning routine; I’d drink coffee and read at work, as I’d wait for customers to trickle into the store.

    This shall not be goodbye as, I have also told my friends who think I’m insane, we have SBTB to look forward to! Just as FHR was my first foray into blog following, SBTBR will be my first foray into podcast following. You truly are an inspiration.

    Thank you so much Billy for all your efforts. They were truly appreciated by many.


    • Eric says:

      “I can distinctly remember PLAYING Full House with my friends when I was 9 or 10. Yes, that would be a bunch of girls pretending to be characters from the show, and playing “house””. It must have been hard for the person pretending to be Joey, as it’s impossible for a person to possibly come close to surpassing his obnoxiousness. I, too, discovered the blog when searching for things about Full House, in fact, I believe that I was searching for the eating disorder episode. I think that I also always knew that the show sucked, despite being a fan of it, and I was embarrassed to enjoy it, as well. Luckily, I’ve never ever laughed at any of Joey’s jokes, so I’m proud of myself for that.


  19. I'm Not DJ says:

    You’re completely off about Full House never tackling the issue of non-conventional families. That’s like, literally half the series. One scene in particular comes to mind is when Michelle gets sad that she doesn’t have a mommy and tries to fix Danny up with her preschool teacher and the “big special talk” literally went like this, “There are all different families and they all work. Some kids JUST have a mommy, or just have a daddy, some kids have two daddies.” Similar morale resulted from the episode where Stephanie doesn’t have a mom to take her to a mother/daughter sleep over for her hunny bees.

    Seriously if you’re going to watch shows only high, don’t expect your criticism to be taken seriously … You don’t even remember most of what you watched. So how can you have anything useful to say about the show???


    • Chris says:

      I think you meant “moral,” not “morale.” And citing two episodes is not half the series, especially when it doesn’t seem like you’ve even bothered to go back and read what he actually said about those episodes.


      • I'm Not DJ says:

        Did you really want me to mention every single instance of the series highlighting non-conventional families? There were a ton, I just mentioned two that sprang to mind. The very first episode touched upon it as well, and every time one of Michelle’s little friends mentioned how it’s weird that there’s a Joey in their lives and no mother. I could go on and on. Moral vs morale is petty nitpicking nonsense.


    • Lisa says:

      Nope, Chris is right. It was not “literally” half the series. And of the examples you cited, you completely misquoted Danny. Your claim is just wrong. And I don’t personally have a dog in this fight about traditional versus non-traditional families.


  20. Amy says:

    Ok, so now we’re in week one of no new content. *sigh*


  21. I'm Not DJ says:

    “but the lesson in real life would be that sometimes you fuck up and humiliate yourself and that’s all there is to it. Suck it up, kid. Better luck next time. That’s a pretty valuable life lesson, and one you never once hear on Full House.”

    Ummm… did you watch the seris at all??? What about the epsidoe of Stephanie in the spelling bee where she, um, fucks up, humiliates herself, and that’s all there is to it. Suck it up, kid. BLNT.


  22. Nukegrrrl says:

    Billy, when you turned “the big three-o,” did your friends and hanger-on-ers throw you a surpise party in your backyard-driveway?

    I hope so. And a party every day after that. Because you deserve it just as much as Michelle deserves to fall down her living room stairs.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Max says:

    I’m surprised you didn’t make a post about the Dannon Oikos Super Bowl ad with the three Full House dads. I’m sure someone said something about it somewhere, but I’m not willing to search the comments for them.


  24. Christian says:

    Sigh. Even though I know there won’t be any more reviews. It just feels wrong to not come here ever Friday.


    • Jes says:

      Agree! Too bad Michelle wasn’t here as a fan, she would have had the ability to make him stay here FORVEVER doing Full House reviews!


  25. octopop says:

    Thank you for the wonderful conclusion to this website! I’ve had such a wonderful time reading your posts. You’re a very good writer. Also I would like to thank you for sharing some things about your personal life. I have had a rough past few years and maybe I will start a project like this if things get bad again, or even if they don’t. While I’m a visual artist rather than a writer, I feel like maybe doing a series of something, maybe paintings or drawings all on the same subject, would be awesome practice for me. Maybe some will be Full House related. :b Anyways, again, thank you so so so much for your time and dedication to this site, it’s been a joy for me and many others to read. Hope things continue to look up for you. :)))


  26. Vamking12 says:

    I did’t know you were going to make more after the last episode.

    Got some reading to do.


  27. jbeee says:

    Going through FHR withdrawal! Just came back to see if there were any updates/news. Missing the Friday fun!


  28. TayciBear says:

    I know its been three months, but I just couldn’t bring myself to read these last entries. I hate finishing tv shows or books so I’ve waited. Just wanted to say I’ll miss you. And fuck those Asshole Parthenons.


  29. Rob says:

    Thank you so much for this awesome blog. The repressed memories of me always finding this show annoying as hell has recently helped me through a recent break up. I’ve been cackling with laughter as you’ve shredded everyone in the full house a new asshole. As I’ve just discovered it, I’m barely on season 3 but going through them at a fast pace. Again, thank you for your pain and suffering in reviewing every shitastic episode of this extremely unfunny, annoying, and corny series.


  30. Jo says:

    It’s been a while, but I’ve rarely commented and felt like I should on this last post. I tend to visit this blog every 2-3 months and catch up on a bunch of entries at once so I missed the goodbye posts, but I wanted to join the chorus of people saying thank you for making the days I read the blog a little brighter. I watched this show as a little kid and used to think it was the shit and this blog highlighted how awful it actually was but was a nice trip down memory lane. Anyways, thank you and I wish you success in your future endeavors.


  31. JCC says:

    I got to be a judge in a sandwich competition

    And he awarded first prize to Michelle Tanner!

    Yeah, i deem weed bad solely because I only record Full House to watch it whilst high.[/hangs head in shame]


  32. Tanim says:

    Hello, I recently came across your blog, and it is inspired genius! Considering how much you hate the real Full House, and your four year journey exploring it you might be interested in these three stories that…”reimagine” it.
    1. Full House: Weekend Bonanza (http://www.geocities.ws/horst_franken/fh_1.html)

    2. Full House: Weekend Recollection (http://www.geocities.ws/horst_franken/fh_2.html)

    3. Full House: The Grocery Store (http://www.geocities.ws/horst_franken/fh_3.html)

    In my opinion, Joey, Jessie, and Danny are much more realistic, and disturbed, characters in these stories than they ever were in the full house. Enjoy!


  33. I’m so inspired by this blog that I’m publishing some letters I wrote back around the same time period, about the wild adventures I had with my crazy cousin and what a monster he is. check it out: larryinchicago.blogspot.com


    • Lisa says:

      This blog is really good. You guys should check it out. It doesn’t look like he’s updating anymore, but what he has posted is great, and maybe he’ll be inspired to resume if he gets some readership. Plus you know Larry and Balki were just asking to be skewered with snark.


  34. Kristin says:

    I love this blog! I grew up watching Full House and loved it never understanding why my sister hated it. As I’ve gotten older now I know why. Cheezy. I hope there are enough people still here to answer some questions.

    1. If Danny was such a clean freak, why was there always a basket of laundry sitting on the washer?

    2. What was with the stamp machine behind Uncle Jesse’s bed? I don’t think he wrote too many letters since all the people he knew were in the full house.

    3. Was there only one bathroom for the whole house? Before Joey moved in the basement.

    4. Kimmy Gibbler. If they hated her so much, why in the hell did she have a key to the house? Also, we heard about her parents and brother early on, but little to no mention of them later. Did she kill them with her foot odor? How could she afford living in that presumable three bedroom San Fran house?


    • deebiedoobie says:

      1) Probably because it “looks” good for TV. Consider how whenever characters return from the grocery store, there’s a baguette and a carrot sticking out of the brown paper bag. It’s the same concept.

      2) I never noticed a stamp machine there so… I don’t know.

      3) I think there were two before all the renovations. One main bathroom and one in Danny’s room. There’s an intro gag where Michelle brushes her teeth and spits in the sink, and that bathroom doesn’t look the same as the main one.

      4) DJ must have given her one. Then again, their house is never locked, which is why she was able to pop in whenever she wanted. Continuity is not in Full House’s dictionary, my dear. The first episode mentioned she had three sisters. Throughout the rest of the series, she only had a brother.


  35. Kimmy says:

    I just (re) found this website and it has been ruling my life for the past 3 days as I read all of it. Thank you so much for this. I can’t stop laughing at all of your reviews. Will be buying a tshirt soon.


  36. steph says:

    Since discovering this blog, I have spent the past few months reading a few episodes each night before I fall asleep. Tonight I reached the final entry and I feel sad in my heart. I want to thank you so much for starting this project and thank you even more for seeing it to its completion. I now know more about Full House than I ever cared to know. Your reviews are truly amazing and to have the strength of character to stick through all eight seasons is nothing short of inspiring. You really are a superstar, Billy.


  37. I kept saying this guy is ugly, stupid, and EVIL!!!


  38. My comments had better NOT be gone by the time I return!




  40. Don’t you people know that the guy who wrote this blog is EVIL INCARNATE?!?!?!


  41. Reginald says:

    this blog is amazing, i can’t believe i just now stumbled across it… and I WILL PAY MONEY FOR A FAMILY MATTERS VERSION OF IT


  42. Furienna says:

    Okay, I know I’m really late to this party. But I want to say a few things. I know that Billy seems to hate just about everything about this show. So I can only find it scary, that he still managed to review all the eight seasons. Why would be spend so much time on something, that he claims to hate so much? Of course, he says he did it because of all his reviewers. And that’s cool, I guess. But I hope that he started a new project about something, that he actually likes and enjoys.

    As for the “Full House” show itself, I know that many people hate it. And I won’t deny that it was cheesy and corny. But I still like it, in the same way that I like many family-centered sitcoms. Why? Well, I guess Billy said it best:
    “So why was this show such a success? Honestly I think it just hit the right note at the right time. It was just harmless enough, friendly enough, easily digestible enough.”
    I believe that “Full House” was a perfect show for parents and kids to watch together (even though I’ve almost always watched it on my own). And I think that most girls (who seemed to be the show’s target audience) could also relate to at least one of the three Tanner sisters.


  43. Sofia says:

    Not sure if you still check for new comments, but I feel I owe you one after hours of entertainment. I finally clicked on the link to this blog after multiple people suggested it in a comments section of an article regarding the new full house spin-off Fuller House.

    I’m glad I got sucked in to this. Even as a kid I always hated Michelle, but this blog brought to light the stupidity of the whole show. Thank you so much for the sarcastic jokes -including the several times I spit all over my phone in unexpected intense laughter. Throughout the blog you refer to this as a “shitty project” but you truly do have a gift for comedic writing, and I hope you’re still using it! I sped through this blog in a couple weeks which cut in to time for more productive activities. I regret nothing. Thanks for everything!


  44. livvie21 says:

    I just completed reading this for a second time and it still made me laugh out loud. The first time I’d read the post and move on but this time I took the time to read the comments and it made the second time around even more enjoyable. I can honestly say that Michelle Tanner, for me, is the worst character of all time in any show. She was a selfish beast that never really faced any consequences for her horrible actions. Honestly I’m surprised that Jesse and Danny didn’t reimburse her after she bought that donkey and lost all her money. It sadly would’ve been believable given the fact that they catered to get in every other way. Anyway, thanks for writing this blog and making a lot of people laugh. I’ll have the blog bookmarked forever and I’ll come back to it when I need something to make me laugh.



    • livvie21 says:

      *catered to her in every other way


    • Furienna says:

      Seriously? Don’t you realize that Michelle never became older than eight years old during the show’s run? Children will do stupid stuff. Were you never selfish at that age? She was not “a beast”. She was a child acting like children do! I’m sorry, but I have never understood this pathalogical hatred, that some people out have against Michelle. It seems like you Americans are some twisted child abusers, who can’t even stand if a kid breathes without a grown-up’s permission. Unbelievable…

      And also, Michelle was punished several times during the show’s run. They even made a whole episode about her first punishment. Michelle was punished along with Stephanie for getting on an airplane to New Zeeland, despite that I blame the adults involved for what happened. And she also was punished for calling an expensive phone number without permission. Not to mention that I’ve heard about an episode, which I’ve never seen myself, where she was punished for following DJ to the movies, despite the fact that she would have been home alone if she had refused to go. And that is probably just the top of the iceberg, as Danny was possibly the most uptight father in any sitcom at the time. So don’t you come and say that Michelle never faced any consequences!


  45. Megan says:

    DJ’s first kiss on her birthday.


  46. Dave Nielsen says:

    You’re what’s wrong with America, dude. The show sucks, but to watch and review every episode? Buy a gun and blow your brains out, please.


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