Fuller House Episode 3, “Funner House”

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Stephanie and Kimmie Gibbler flaunt their sexy outfits as they prepare for a girls night out.  DJ approaches them and even though she’s clearly wearing a shitload of makeup and has her nails did, she is apparently not prepared for a rambunctious ladies night out.

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It never really works when people on tv are supposed to look like shit but also look nice for tv at the same time.  DJ says that she wants to just stay in and be a boring ass mom but Stephanie and Kimmie Gibbler aint havin’ it.  Kimmie Gibbler coerces her to come out on the town with them and names their group, “the she-wolf pack,” even though that seems to suggest that they should stay inside all the time and make reenactments of famous movies.

DJ continues to resist the pull to go outside and have a life.  When she points out that the kids don’t have a babysitter, she is told that it’s been taken care of.

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That’s right, the world’s most useless asshole is going to be taking care of the kids.  You’d think that DJ would remember her own ruined childhood and refuse to let Joey anywhere near her progeny but I guess she blocked out most of the stuff that she lived through.

DJ says that she’s going to go upstairs to change but Stephanie insists the she changes in their Uber instead.  Oh yeah by the way this scene makes a big point of mentioning Uber, Instagram, selfies and “fleek” because it’s 2016, y’all.  That means that we have to shamelessly namedrop things that became a big deal two years ago.  But, anyway, DJ says she doesn’t wanna change in the car, protesting, “what if Uber sees my boobers?” which is weird because that’s a really forced rhyme and also Uber is not a person.  That’s like saying, “what if Checker Cab sees my nutsack?”  Joey responds to DJ’s concerns by saying, “then you wont have to give him a tip” because it’s not already unsettling enough already to think about the kids being left alone with him so he had to go and say some fucked up shit like that.

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The parents say goodbye to the kids but they’re all just on their iphones and stuff because Uber Instagram fleek Facebook.com.  The parents leave and Joey discovers that the kids all went to hide in their rooms, probably because they didn’t want to look at his stupid face for one more second.  Did I mention that Joey appears to be wearing Heelys?  Boy do I wish he was dead.  He approaches the baby, who is physically incapable of escaping his presence, and starts doing some impression at him.  I really can’t tell who it’s supposed to be. Ralph Kramden?  That’s my best guess.

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The ladies arrive at a club called Euphoria, which isn’t the worst set I’ve ever seen.  The audience are all like, “aaaaaaaaoowwwwww!” when DJ appears in her sexy goin’ out dress, and it’s a lot more understandable than when they hooted when Joey showed up.  Wouldn’t it be great if the audience all just started booing when Joey showed up, and then he left?  That woulda been just the best.

It turns out that Kimmie Gibbler is well known at this club, so the ladies get this special V.I.P. section with roped-off couches to have conveniently staged moments in.  Kimmie Gibbler explains that she used to hang out at this club all the time with her estranged husband and then Stephanie offers to get everyone tequila shots.  And then everyone agrees to drink tequila!  It’s not even made out to be a big deal or anything!  I am almost totally positive that this is the first time anyone has ever drank alcohol on any sort of Full House thing, except for that one time that DJ’s boyfriend drank a beer, which only occurred for the purpose of showing us how bad drinking a beer is.  Now drinking booze is just being casually presented as something that adults do when they go out.  I am willing to call that progress.  It’s like they almost sort of live in some kind of reality, finally.

Stephanie approaches the bar and the audience starts hooting.  I think it’s because of the appearance of these 2 guys at the counter.  Are these guys from something?  I don’t recognize them at all.  I also can’t tell if they’re supposed to be attractive or sleazy or some sort of combination of those things. Regardless, they each give Stephanie’s ass a good long stare.

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Stephanie invites the guys back to the private roped off couches area and calls dibs on one of them (banging dibs) and then he does this weird move where he wipes his mustache off with his fingers.  I guess he’s just trying to get all the crumbs off before she places her vagina there.  What a gentleman!

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Joey barges into the boys’ room while they are silently engaging with their screens.  He starts bugging them with some shitty impressions and they’re like, “fuck off.  You haven’t been on tv since before we were born, and even then you sucked shit.”  Joey can’t stand not being the center of attention so he steals all the kids devices and locks them in a drawer.  He then unveils a bunch of Nerf guns and silly string and shit like that because I guess simulating violence is preferable to sitting quietly in your room and watching pornography.  DJ’s middle kid exclaims, “holy chalupa” when he sees all the toy guns.  I’ve tried to avoid any articles or listicles or whatever about this show but it’s been pretty unavoidable to learn before watching this episode that this is his catch-phrase.  I don’t even know what to make of it.  If I hadn’t been warned that he’d be saying it again later, I wouldn’t have even thought about it.  It’s just some dumb thing he says.

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Anyway, Joey encourages the kids into having a Silly String battle because he doesn’t have to clean the floors later.

Back at the clizub, DJ and Stephanie describe an old episode of Full House to the sleazy guys and the guys pretend that they think it’s funny because they’re trying really hard to get laid.  Then, all of a sudden, Macy Grey walks in.

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Why is Macy Grey on this show?  She had, like, one song, and it was in the late 90’s.  This is even more bizarre than when she was in that Spider-Man movie.  She’s a pretty random one-hit wonder to feature on any show in 2016, but this one especially because it’s all about early 90’s throwback shit and Macy Grey had her 15 minutes several years after the original series went off the air.  Like, if Right Said Fred showed up in this scene, you’d have the same, “oh, they’re still alive?” reaction that you get from seeing Macy Grey, but you could sort of rationalize the appearance by realizing that he was fished from the same dried up pool of nostalgia that Full House was.  You know, the “things that ruined 1992” pool.  Seeing Macy Grey here just has nothing to do with anything.  I’m sure the real answer is that her manager is a producer on this show or something and they’re just trying to promote her new album (spoiler alert: Macy Grey will be plugging her new album shortly) but, even still, I find this guest-spot to be very odd.

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So apparently Stephanie knows Macy Grey because they did some shows together or something so she decides to subject the singer to DJ and Kimmie Gibbler.  Another thing about Macy Grey that makes her appearance on the show extra weird is that she has no onscreen charisma whatsoever.  She seems really detached from everything that’s happening.  It’s a very unique brand of terrible performance, which actually sort of makes sense when you consider her truly bizarre singing voice.  Like, it’s not just that her delivery is flat, it seems like she’s in a trance or something, or like her lines are being beamed into her brain from a government satellite.  She’s never really looking at anyone and displays no emotion whatsoever.  This whole thing is just really weird.

After Macy grey abruptly wanders off, the sleazy guys start urging DJ and Stephanie to get grinded on the dance floor.  They ladies say that they’re into it but they need to find some loose, STD-ridden guy in a collared shirt for Kimmie Gibbler, too.  Stephanie says that Kimmie Gibbler should have no problem finding a guy because there’s plenty of “eye candy” in the club and then Kimmie Gibbler sees a guy’s ass while he’s bending over and refers to him as, “butt candy.”

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The term butt candy is really disgusting, and should never be used as a joke, especially a sexual one.  Anyway it turns out that the butt candy in question is Kimmie Gibbler’s estranged husband, Fernando.

Fernando sees Kimmie Gibbler and immediately starts waggling his penis at her.  I can’t get over what an over-the-top Latin stereotype he is.  Every single line he says is drenched in Spanish-speaking sexy guy overemphasis.  I was curious about who this actor was and why he was willing to portray such an abrasive cultural stereotype and then I discovered that he played Jesus on some tv series.  I don’t know why exactly but I think that’s amazing.

Macy Grey takes the stage and plugs her new album (I warned you!) before performing her new song, which I’m sure is going to be a really big hit.  Fernando is overtaken by the music, which is a common ailment for Latin stereotypes, and convinces Kimmie Gibbler to join him on the dance floor.

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DJ and Stephanie join the sleezy guys for a lengthy, choreographed dance number.  It definitely challenges disbelief to present these dances, which are clearly heavily rehearsed, as something that’s occurring spontaneously between strangers, but as an actual dance number on tv it was not bad.  Stephanie has another moment where she’s really begging the audience to see how talented she is, but, honestly, her moves are pretty good.  I gotta say, too, that Stephanie herself is looking not too shabby.  I cannot endorse fake titties at all, but her overall appearance is worthy of some audience hooting if you ask me.

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I knew that Stephanie was gonna pull some “oh my god please look at me” dance moves during this series, but I was really surprised when DJ ripped shit up on the dance floor, too.  Good for her!  Meanwhile, Kimmie Gibbler and Fernando do some much more moderate moves while talking about how they used to win this clubs’ nightly dance competition all the time (you’d think that they wouldn’t have them do a dance that’s way less impressive than the 2 we just saw while talking about how they always win dance competitions…) and then Fernando’s date shows up and is like, “what the fuck?”  Apparently Fernando was trying to bag Kimmie Gibbler right quick while the blonde hoe that he brought to the club was taking a shit, but now the hoe is back and she’s throwing mad shade at Kimmy Gibbler.  For some reason she doesn’t get mad at Fernando for trying to bang someone the second she left the room and puts all her energy into being an asshole to Kimmie Gibbler instead.

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Kimmie Gibbler gets all upset and heads back to her private roped off bourgeois section of the club to drink more booze and then her homegirls leave the sleezy guys on the dance floor so they can console her.

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Meanwhile, back at the full house, the kids have completely trashed the place during their silly string war.  As they fire shots at each other, they vent their frustrations as well, the best of which is Ramona’s chastising of the boys for pissing all over the bathroom floor.  The doorbell rings and a voice from outside claims to be a pizza delivery and even though the kids haven’t heard anything about a pizza, they rush to answer it.  They must be the easiest to murder kids in America.  It turns out to be worse than a murderer because it’s Joey, who immediately starts shooting them with slime from a Super Soaker (are Super Soakers another throwback thing or are they still around?).  He douses them with slime for a really excessive amount of time and then, as though that didn’t go on for long enough, he shoots rolls of toilet paper at them with this prop comedian toilet paper launcher thing.

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He finishes his assault with an impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger, after which the kids just kind of stand there like, “we have no idea who you’re impersonating because we are children and you haven’t updated any of your references since 1993.”

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Macy Grey tells the audience about the dance competition because I guess she’s not just the headliner, she’s also the MC.  Kimmie Gibbler says that she doesn’t wanna hang around and watch Fernando win the dance competition with some blonde hoe but then DJ tells her that the two of them should team up and win it with their Dirty Dancing routine from 1987.  The 2 sleazy guys come back and even thought it would make sense to dance with them for the competition, the ladies snub them. The guys decide to dance with each other instead and then they tear their shirts open while the audience goes nuts, which I don’t even know how to react to.  All I have to say about it is that, if I have to have that image burned into my brain forever, so do you guys.

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Stephanie talks Macy Grey into performing, “Time of My Life,” and then she sings it with her because why shouldn’t she be the focus of everything all the time?

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DJ and Kimmie Gibbler start dancing together and I must say that it is pretty erotic.

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There’s totally gonna be some scissoring in the fuller house later.  The 2 sleazy guys engage in an equally homoerotic dance, which is a lot weirder because they’re supposed to be brothers.  They eventually start bickering like an old married couple, which disrupts their pelvic thrusts enough to get them thrown out of the competition.

You guys aren’t gonna believe this, but Kimmie Gibbler and DJ are up against Fernando and that blonde hoe at the climax of the competition.  DJ and Fernando both prepare to be the Patrick Swayze in the lifting Jennifer Grey move and then DJ reminds Fernando that he’ll be causing emotional duress for Kimmie Gibbler if he wins so he throws the move by feigning a toe cramp.  DJ still feels like she has to complete the move for some reason so she enlists the 2 sleazy brothers to lift Kimmie Gibbler even thought they’ve already been eliminated from the competition and were a different team.

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Macy Grey announces that the winners are, “these 2 luscious lesbians.”  Whoa!  That was actually amazing!  They really did seem like a couple during the competition, and I’m really impressed that the show actually acknowledged its own homeosexual undertones for once.  They don’t even make a big deal of it, or treat it like it’s an unfortunate misunderstanding or anything, they just kinda throw it out there.  All I ever wanted was for the show to recognize that it’s kinda gay, and it finally did.  I’ma sleep soundly tonight.

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Just to ensure that not too much progress has been made, DJ delivers a long, self-indulgent speech to the audience as she accepts her dance contest victory.  She goes on about all the personal life lessons she learned by getting drunk on a weeknight and dancing with her homegirls and then the audience goes, “aww.”  At the end of the scene, Macy Grey says to no one in particular, “what am I doing here?  I won a Grammy.”  Points for self-awareness, yet again.  That was some real shit that she just said.

The kids arrange to dump a big tub full of slime onto Joey when he walks through the front door but the recipients of said slime end up being the ladies returning from their night out.  Nevermind how the kids managed to rig that whole thing, or where all the slime came from.

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Stephanie exclaims, “how rude!” and the audience are overjoyed by this split-second  revisitation of their corny childhoods.  The kids aren’t sorry at all about sliming the parents, and neither is Joey.  Before the moms can even say anything, Joey gives them this whole speech about how he brought the kids closer together by ruining the house.  He then starts heading for the door and issues an incredibly condescending, “you’re welcome” to all the adults on his way out.  Wait, where’s he even going?  What time is it supposed to be?  I would assume that it’s pretty late since the adults just came back from getting drunk at a club and winning a dance competition, but the kids are also still up, so maybe it’s only like 9 or something.  But even still, I doubt Joey is about to get on a plane and go back to Vegas right now.  It seems odd for him to just peace out like that.

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I’m gonna give the show credit here.  I took Joey’s terrible babysitting and condescending speech to be a tongue-in-cheek acknowledgement of what a useless dickhole he is.  This moment really is a perfect balance of “classic Joey” for Full House fans and “if you really think about, Joey is a complete piece of shit” for people like me, who can’t seem to not watch this terrible show.  What percentage of people are watching this show because they actually like it and how many are watching it just because they’re compelled by how bad it is?  I’d really like to know.  Anyway, the kids all spray slime at Joey with Super Soakers and that’s the end.

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I don’t know, you guys, I thought this one was kinda fun.  I liked that they drank alcohol and DJ and Kimmie Gibbler rubbed their vaginas together on the dance floor and Joey was portrayed with some acknowledgement of how much he sucks.  Also, the kids weren’t in it very much.  It’s hard to really evaluate a show like this because it has set such a low bar for itself that you can’t really compare it to anything else.  But, compared to Full House itself, I feel like this was not too bad.  I feel like I need to further justify that statement.  Like, I expected this to be completely horrible and it was just really bad, so I kind of liked it.  I’m doing the best I can here.  Whatever.

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90 Responses to Fuller House Episode 3, “Funner House”

  1. Eric says:

    Hiring Joey as a babysitter? You might as well send your kids to a concentration camp.

    But yeah, this episode was sort of interesting. Those party scenes were to the Tanner kids as We Can’t Stop was to Miley Cyrus, or I’m A Slave 4 U was to Britney Spears. Sort of the end of the shitty “clean” image for some partying.


    • Bridget says:

      Why couldn’t they hire Danny as the sitter or even Great-Aunt Becky? Joey trashed the house and he wasn’t sorry even! I am glad the show acknowledges how gay it is, and now if only Derick S. Boyd would do the same.


      • goodgollyregina says:

        Maybe Danny has so little faith in DJ he doesn’t respect her enough to not subject her and her kids to Joey. But yeah, why couldn’t Danny or Becky babysit? They wouldn’t have tried to destroy most of the house. Boy, are DJ’s kids gonna sleep soundly tonight or what?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Eric says:

        If only Derek returned on Fuller House as openly gay. I mean, a wedding episode for Derek would be great, especially considering how gay marriage was legalized last year.

        Also, I agree. Becky should have babysat. Didn’t she offer to babysit in the first episode?
        Danny would have induced almost a child abuse amount of O.C.D tendancies on those kids, but he’d still be better than Joey.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Because John Stamos still has something resembling a career.


      • goodgollyregina says:

        I would love to see a gay marriage episode revolving around Derek. Since gay marriage has been legalized, it would be perfect for this show. And yes, even Danny and his OCD tendencies would be better than being subjected to Joey. There’s literally no point of Joey being on the show, other than the whole nostalgia “Hey! Remember me?” stuff. Hell there wasn’t even a point of Joey being on the show past Season 4 on the original show.


  2. Shaan says:

    In case you didn’t know, the two guys dancing with DJ and D.J. are from Dancing With the Stars. Still, When I woke up I was like “oh damn, here comes the Joey episode”. However, it seems like you hate this show slightly less than full house. Which makes perfect sense. This show has more Gibbler, less Joey,
    and absolutely no Michelle. Lets keep it that way.


    • Mars says:

      No Michelle is such a win all on its own.


    • Eric says:

      The lack of Michelle is great, however, I wonder what she would have been like when she became an adult. Very likely one of those bitchy valley girls, constantly asking her father for money. She also probably became a celebutant like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian. Mostly the latter, since Kim K. actually lost a parent, similarly to Michelle, and both have, at one time, lived with too many goddamn people in one house, and have relatives who are part of the LGBTQ community.


  3. Shaan says:

    Those two guys are from Dancing with the stars. Also, Fuller House is pretty good so far. I mean, for a sequal series of Full House. It’s basically Full House, but with more Gibbler, less Joey, And No Michelle, who is responsible for the most disturbing images and shitty moments. I mean, you were emphasizing your severe hatred for Full House, but Fuller House ive seen more hatred for it on other sites. Could it be that after being exposed to eight seasons of full house, this show is exceeding your expectations?


  4. Steve says:

    I can’t believe the Moms just let Joey leave the house after that, instead of making him clean up that disaster. Yes, where the hell did that slime come from and how did they rig it?


    • Non-Jerk Michelle says:

      Love the term ” the Moms”. Guessing the slime is leftover from the 90’s after Nickelodeon studios closed down? Otherwise it’s something gross Joey’s been collecting all these years…ewwwww, that even grosses me out. Disregard 😦


  5. Guest 2.0 says:

    I fucking hate Joey. That house is TRASHED and he doesn’t give a damn, he just leaves everyone else to clean it up? I was really hoping DJ would wring his neck at the end. Fuck Joey.


    • goodgollyregina says:

      Good to see Joey hasn’t matured or changed one bit since Full House’s original run ended. He’s still the same manchild he always was, only this time he’s 20 years older. Do the writers of the show hate us so much we have to be subjected to Joey even on this show? Like, are they trolling us here?

      Great review like always Billy!


  6. JonnyW says:

    I feel like the writers of this new series kind of owe you some credit. It’s like they read the blog and went out of their way to point out the stupid bullshit while it’s happening. Kind of odd that they took that route instead of, you know, actually making something people would want to watch for a change


  7. Pink Dork says:

    Oh Billy, it’s like you have Stockholm Syndrome or some shit. Is it already time for the intervention?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Jacob says:

    I’m with you, Billy. This was the first episode I kind of enjoyed. I really found it funny how DJ and Stephanie’s way of hitting on guys is to recap old Full House episodes for them, and I was trying to imagine if that would work for anyone in real life.


  9. E McF says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who was like, who?! when the audience cheered for the sleazy guys. However, I think one of them was Candace Cameron’s partner from when she was on DWTS.


  10. Macy Gray really was amazing on Fuller House. Like a character from a completely different show being forced to hang with these lames wondering what the hell is going on. How I expect Macy Gray exists in real life, tbh.


  11. Mike says:

    When Joey did his toilet paper launcher thing the only thing I could think of was: Joel Hodgson.

    Quit it, Joey.


  12. LupinThe8th says:

    Honestly, yeah, this episode didn’t totally suck. The self-awareness wasn’t limited to “Remember the old show?” for once and the adults got to act like adults. Did even the grown-ups ever drink alcohol in the old show? Even Uncle Jesse?

    The use of the word lesbians really threw me, and I had to back up for a sec just to see if that’s what Macy really said. And the fact that Kimmy and DJ didn’t immediately start protesting was surprising. Between that and the sexiness of the dance, I can’t help but wonder if one of the writers shipped them while growing up, and decided to make his fanfic a reality.

    No idea how I was supposed to react to the two brothers. Were they meant to be sleazy, or was I supposed to like them? Fernando was even worse; he’s such a stereotype, it almost makes me regret wishing Full House had some diversity. The writers clearly aren’t up for it.


  13. Valerie says:

    This show being available through an internet platform is so unsettling to think about because at least with the original being broadcast to every home on a major network, you got the feeling that these were people you were more or less forced to hang out with due to them being in the same proximity as you and therefore convenient company. You never really had to consciously think about whether you liked them or not, they were just there. We were all Kimmy Gibbler tolerating this corny ass family because no one and nothing else was available so we might as well, sort of like the stockholm syndrome feeling I sometimes have towards people I grew up with and have nothing in common with except for the context of our shared childhoods. It was very much a relationship based on the environment and time it occurred.

    With Fuller House being online — where pretty much anything is easily available but that variety forces you to have to deliberately decide to seek something out and spend time consuming it — we’re all made to really look hard at ourselves and admit these are people we’re actively inviting into our lives and investing and that’s scary. Hanging out with them is no longer even convenient and their influence is no longer residual and from simply being in the same proximity so the question of why we’re still here should haunt all of us lol.

    Great review by the way! I assume you watch this garbage stoned so I like reading it because it reminds me of hanging out with the friends I choose to involve in my life.


    • Emma says:

      I think you just nailed why this show makes me feel so deeply uncomfortable, even though I haven’t been able to resist watching (I think it’s the glimpse-into-the-past factor that compels me). Part of it is that it’s just objectively terrible, of course, but I also experience an unsettling amount of self-loathing just for inviting these people into my home again. And that’s just it – this time, I’m actively inviting them in, as opposed to passively allowing them in. Shudder.


  14. I would have thought that Joey would have berated the kids for opening the door to a stranger and a potential dangerous situation. But no, he’s a complete fuck head, he doesn’t give a shit about their safety. Stephanie looked banging in this episode, DJ too for that matter. I love how you picked up on DJ already looking ready to go out.


  15. Steph says:

    I’m just gonna throw it out there that the sleazy brothers are two of the professional dancers for Dancing with the Stars. Or they were at one point. I recognize Stephanie’s from when I would see my mom watching the show. So that’s probably why the audience reacted real big to them.

    Anyway, great review as always! “The parents say goodbye to the kids but they’re all just on their iphones and stuff because Uber Instagram fleek Facebook.com.” was my favorite line by far.


  16. enannapanna says:

    Haha! I was waiting for this review. Macy Gray was the weirdest thing ever. I did love the typical FH move of making everyone in the club listen to the FH-ers sing, and give a speech, and watch them dance…Totally bogarting everyone’s night out.
    I too was confused about the brothers, but I looked it up and they are the dancing brothers on Dancing With the Stars, hence the dancing theme. Stephanie is going to be on that show apparently, so the tie-in makes sense.
    Finally, the time thing- what the hell time was this supposed to be happening? The end of the night dance off at a club would presumably not happen until pretty late, yet the kids were happily up magically conjuring up slime and nobody blinked an eye…
    Anyways, thanks Billy for brightening up my Friday mornings at work yet again- I only made it through the first few episodes so far (Coachella killed me- you will see what I mean), but will try to keep up with you 🙂


  17. Smash says:

    Macy Grey as a guest star is a total mystery to me too. And yesss! Thank you for noticing how weirdly detached from everything she was, so bizarre.

    I can’t stand choreographed dances that don’t make a lick of goddamn sense. It really bothered me when Stephanie and her sleazy hookup started dancing all maniacal like that. It just reeked of sad desperation.


  18. The two guys are from Dancing With The Stars. They’re brothers. Candace (DJ) was on the show and one of them was her partner. That’s the tie in. 🙂


    • Julia says:

      Lol she did ask them to once on as a tie-in neither was actually her partner (wonder if it was awkward for the guy who actually WAS or f he thinks he dodged a bullet avoiding this show? XD)


  19. Sam says:

    Am I the only one who has noticed all of the ship/ocean stuff all over the Full House now? Since when are the Tanners so into boating? Don’t get me wrong,they’re the whitest family to ever exist, so they’d totally be into it, but I’m honestly just baffled by the set design.


    • They did show that Danny was into boats and sea life a few times. He made the guys go fishing for their first guys night out, he took up scuba diving to take his mind off Vicky, he took her to that ocean restaurant in Disney World, and he bought a boat after Papoui died, just for a few examples. And they live in a port city so I imagine boating and ship/ocean things must be common. Either DJ’s fine with keeping it or Danny didn’t take it with him in his new home, or she just doesn’t feel like redecorating.


  20. I knew you were gonna love this show.


  21. And yes, Macy Grey acted like her manager was off camera with a gun pointed at her.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Ellen says:

    Know how in the dancing scene, DJ says she got her moves from “watching Dancing with the Stars all the time”? Candace Cameron was on DWTS, and the brothers in this episode were played by two dancing brothers from the show (Maksim and Something Chvesomething). So just some more shameless self-referential humor! I guess it helps the whole scenario make a bit more sense.


  23. I thought this episode was alright, but I agree that there several things that felt forced and it showed just how much different the image of this show will be.

    I’ve never been to a club– are they that small in real life? I thought it would be much bigger.

    I agree about Macy Gray’s appearance being just odd and her acting completely detached. It was like she was drunk or all of her lines and directions were being fed the same way they were to the Olsen twins on the original show. Really the whole club scenes were just weird.


  24. Patrick says:

    I think the biggest reason Fuller House “sucks less” is simple. Replacing Joey with Kimmy Gibbler. Could you imagine if Joey moved out of Full House and then (in a Steve Urkel like way) came up with a way for Kimmy to have moved in instead. 10x better at least. Plus the audio descriptions on Netflix make this show so much funnier too.


  25. dottie says:

    “Wait, where’s he even going? What time is it supposed to be?”

    Ha. It was definitely a meta moment when they said “wait, you flew from Vegas just to babysit for the night?” and his only brilliant comment was: “Yes.”

    Please, please tell me that you noticed the colored penciled bedposts off to the side in the boy’s bedroom.


  26. Christan says:

    The only thing that came to mind when I saw Macy’s odd performance was “Wow, this chick has done a lot of drugs in her day…and it definitely shows”. She couldn’t even lip synch her own song right. So bizarre.

    And, I’m sorry, but those guys were hot. If they continue to have hot shirtless dudes then I’ll definitely keep watching. No Michelle, no Joey, more Kimmy, more shirtless dudes.


  27. Oasis says:

    Joey left his 1990s vintage Steve Yzerman Red Wings jersey there. Being a Wingnut myself, I yelled at him “GO GET THAT BEFORE THEY SLIME IT, YOU MORON!”
    Alas, he ignored me…..


  28. Sam says:

    Must admit, Fuller House works because it manages to feel exactly as awful as the original while still appealing to those who actually liked it and simultaneously being a not unclever self-parody. The snarky self awareness is cynical as hell and not always funny, but it also gives the show some much needed depth the original lacked. Also, the three leads are far more likable. I think it’s a better show.


  29. Karen says:

    I’m not sure how I never noticed this, but you always write Kimmie’s first and last name instead of just her first name.


  30. Jen says:

    Not gonna lie…Stephanie gives me a ladyboner. She turned out pretty damn hawt. I wonder though, with her being a world famous DJ and all, how did she not notice that Kimmy has dragged them to the lamest club EVER. It looks like it’s in a church basement. They don’t even turn the lights down, ffs.


  31. Ceely says:

    Do you think either of the Olsen twins have seen any of Fuller House?


  32. B-Low says:

    I won’t lie this show really isn’t as bad as the first episode made me think it would be. I actually laughed out loud a few times this episode (when Kimmy was crying and Stephanie was trying to stop dancing with her partner to go console her.. “wait… Have… To… Go… Pretend… To… Care…”). And I agree she looks great, boobs or no boobs.


  33. Tootsie Roll Sperm says:

    When I watched this for the first time, I was waiting for some character to offhandedly remark that Euphoria used to be the Smash Club.


  34. brad says:

    Fernando is totally the Balki of Fuller House.


  35. Bridget says:

    Maybe the Olsens have seen it but maybe not! I have my story about Pamela Margaret Tanner written here and here goes. Everyone, tell me what you all think!
    Diary–Property of Pamela Margaret Tanner
    June 1976
    Dear Diary,
    I don’t know how to tell Danny this, but the baby I am carrying is not his child. He has been getting home late and is too tired for sex. I had no idea being a sportscaster could be so exhausting for him! About a month or so ago, Danny’s best friend Joey Gladstone visited me. I was lonely and wanted company badly! We ended up having sex on the couch and here I am pregnant and it’s not Danny’s. I need to keep up the illusion that this little boy or girl belongs to Danny. He is thrilled about the baby and fatherhood is all he talks about!

    February 9, 1977
    Dear Diary,
    I go into labor and Danny rushes me to the hospital. Joey soon joins us. I push a beautiful little girl into the world. She is blond like me and looks like Joey who is also blond. Danny is too excited to realize the resemblance Joey and my new daughter share! We want to name her Farrah after our favorite TV star, Farrah Fawcett. Joey misunderstands our intentions of course and thinks we want to name her after a hairstyle. As much as I like Joey, he is kind of dense! I grab the baby name book and turn to the D section with the though of giving the baby a D name like Danny’s. Danielle is nice, but 2 Dannys can be confusing! I see the name Donna and it means lady. I suggest Donna Tanner and Danny wants to add Jo to honor Joey. The baby becomes Donna Jo Margaret Tanner. Margaret is my middle name. I guess Ernestine for Danny’s middle name of Ernest sounds too old ladyish!
    She soon becomes DJ and it suits her. DJ babbles as much as a disc jockey and will be an early talker like I was! My father says he could never keep me quiet and I could talk the ear off of a statue!
    That’s all. What does everyone think?


    • There's a CAR in the KITCHEN! says:

      Brilliant, Bridget! It all makes perfect sense…although I have to say it strains my disbelief rather strongly that ANYONE would want to have sex with Joey. To paraphrase Billy from an earlier review, “No sex at all is better than sex with Joey.”


    • Lara says:

      Hahahha awesome!


      • Bridget says:

        I’m glad you all like the diary entry! I could write one about Stephanie, Michelle, and then the twins belonging to Joey.


    • goodgollyregina says:

      Awesome job! It would make perfect sense if Joey was DJ’s real father, because they both look so darn alike. This reminds me of another Full House site I used to go to, where the webmaster also posted entries from Pam’s Diary. I don’t know if you remember it, it’s called “Full House Forever.” It might even still be on the internet today. But yeah, this webmaster used to post all sorts of entries from Pam’s diary, including a page Danny wrote after Pam’s death. Can you imagine what he would’ve said to all those cheating/affair entries? Even though he’d go on to ruin Jesse and Becky’s marriage on Jerry Springer many years later in my bash fics. XD

      Speaking of Becky, I need to start up my Becky’s diary project up again. Where Becky does the same thing as Pam does, cheat on her husband with a close friend or relative of his.


      • Bridget says:

        GG Regina and everyone, I am glad you liked the diary entry. I will write more and I hope it’s all good!


    • Non-Jerk Michelle says:

      Oh Brigey, it’s perfect. Please do more Mrs. Tanner diaries. Especially when Pam becomes a ghost : )


  36. There's a CAR in the KITCHEN! says:

    Great review, Billy! This one seems like fun–as you said, even saying the word lesbian is progress for the whitest family in America. And Macy Grey did a similar stint back on “That’s So Raven” in the early 2000s..similar problems, too, with her having very little emotion. And personally, I’m surprised that she didn’t sing “Forever.” Someone’s going to sing that eventually, right?


  37. So the internet ate my well-thought-out response to this episode, but the long and short of it is that I can’t stop seeing Candace Cameron-Bure bitchily defending those Cake Nazis to Raven-Symone on The View, and it totally colored the way I think about her as DJ. I see her dressed in that little clubbing dress and ask, “Did she approve of that before wardrobe asked her to wear it?” Seems like she’s more comfortably-covered in those sweats she’s wearing in the first scene. Did she take issue with that dress? I submit that the answer is yes, given that she unnecessarily plays with her hair in the opening credits to cover up the fact that her tank top is fairly low-cut. Then I see her dancing with the DWTS guy, and it’s pretty erotic. Presumably, she would have done more stuff like that on DWTS, but then she does the Dirty Dancing dance with Kimmy, and again, it’s erotic. Then Macy Grey calls them lesbians, and we know that she’s homophobic, so I have to wonder how much she just goes along with, and how much teeth-gnashing she might be doing off-camera. “Really? The Dirty Dancing dance? Isn’t that kind of racy? How about the Opposites Attract dance from that Paula Abdul song? That’s the same year, and Macy Grey won’t call us lesbians.”


    • Lara says:

      Reportedly, Candace said she would be okay if there was a gay storyline on Fuller House. So while I think she doesn’t agree with it, she seems more open to it than her craycray fundie brother. Not that I am defending her at all, but when I heard that I was like “WHOA WHAT?! NICE!”


      • Spoiler alert if you haven’t seen the episodes after this one- I think it would have made more sense if they had Matt be gay. Rather than the whole story line with her deciding between him and Steve, it should have been in my opinion that DJ falls for Matt because of his looks and they go out with her not realizing he’s gay and he does not mention it, thinking that they’re just going out as friends or because DJ wants to get to know him more. They go out and he invites her to his apartment to find that his boyfriend/husband is there, officially revealing what he thought DJ already knew.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I guess that’s a start? Frankly, I think the Camerons are just another couple of actors who Play It Normal on tv. Not only are they looking at normal in the rearview mirror, they’re ignoring the fact that the GPS is kindly trying to direct them back there.
        “Turn around when possible.”
        “No way, Jeepus-lady! Imma make me a Christmas movie about how I’m being persecuted!”

        Liked by 1 person

    • Julia says:

      I think Candace is more open to doing stuff she might not necessarily partake in in her real life for a fictional role than some other actors (including her brother, who had his wife don a wig and face away from the camera in place of the female lead of a movie he was in for a kissing scene because he didn’t want to kiss anyone that he wasn’t married to).

      However, I do think when she’s not playing a character she sticks to her convictions a bit more. (Example: I watched her season of Dancing With the Stars and she NEVER wore anything as revealing as her dress in this episode. I remember at one point they gave her quite a racy song for one of her routines and even then she was still somewhat covered from head to toe.)


  38. Lara says:

    I whooped when Macy Gray called them lucious lesbians. I have to agree, this episode was pretty fun, considering. And they did the Dirty Dancing dance, which I love with all my 80’s child heart.


  39. CloudQueen91 says:

    I love these reviews. As I watched it I kinda imagined what your reactions to certain things would be. I can’t wait until the kids really start getting obnoxious…without spoiling anything, I think the worst part of this whole show was how DJ’s kids acted, but whatever.kinda the life I hope to have some day – happy, perfect, but with better kids.

    And since you seem to like to review shows from the 90s I’m just throwing it out there that if you ever decided to review Home Improvement I could die a happy woman 😁😁


  40. tiger66466 says:

    I accidentally made my alcoholic beverage a little stronger today. I don’t know if it was that or the episode truly sucked less, but I enjoyed the dance competition. Dirty Dancing was, of course, one of my favorite movies back in the day. So I enjoyed them all doing the end of summer talent show dance numbers – even if it was a bit goofy and tongue-in-cheek.

    I really was waiting for there to be a super long line to get in the club and the “she-wolf pack” just blatantly cuts the line – and no one called them on it. That would have been the epitome of the “world caters to us” mentality that the original show had. Though as pointed out – they still managed to make it all about them with the dance competition and DJs speech and Stephanie singing. Though I have to give her props – I thought she sang quite well.

    I was howling with laugher over “what if Checker Cab sees my nutsack” and the thing about the dude wiping his mouth to wipe off the crumbs because Stephanie’s vagina was going to be there.

    I don’t watch Dancing with the Stars so it took me a minute to recognize the guys. (I’ve seen them on Ellen.) Apparently they have/had their own show (live performance type thing) were they danced shirtless a lot. I think the taller one is fairly hot but the other one seemed super sleazy. They don’t seem to be that way in real life so unsure why they had them be so date-rapist-y. I wouldn’t have been shocked if they were going to have an adult version of a special moment when the guys tried to roofie DJ and Stephanie.

    And in some good news, seems the middle kid has learned not to yell every single one of his lines.

    Also did anyone else feel like Tommy was giving Joey the stink eye? I think that baby was thoroughly traumatized by Joey’s awful Mr. Woodchuck bullshit in the 1st episode and smartly hates Joey already.

    And yeah, there’s no way a freeloader like Joey wouldn’t be staying at the house versus a hotel. Who the hell would fly round-trip from Vegas to SF in one night just for babysitting?


  41. amythyst4444 says:

    The main thing I do while I watch this show is attempt to pinpoint parts that you’ll absolutely despise (like any appearance of Joey that doesn’t include bodily harm) and parts that you’ll almost appreciate. It’s great fun.


  42. I know that “Horsin’ Around” on BoJack Horseman is meant to directly mock these same kinds of 90’s sitcoms, but when the middle kid on HA delivers his catchphrase to audience silence it reminds me of Shouty Middle Kid on this show, tossing out his “holy chalupas!” Will the audience eventually stop laughing and clapping at that, or will it continue to mostly be a pity-clap? It’s so obviously a catchphrase that it’s painful.


  43. Non-Jerk Michelle says:

    There’s no way DJ was unprepared to leave the house to go to a club. She had a full face of makeup on and a salon blowout complete with a large barrel iron curl. C’mon Deej, all you had to do was show [the] Uber [driver] your boobers. Takes like 6 seconds, if you’re shy.

    Even with Joey being the last minute babysitter for the night, by far the most baffling part of this episode is Macy Gray’s cameo. I only remember her because she was always on the radio in 1999 singing that really catchy song in the most grating way. Ohhh…now I get what she and original Full House have in common.


    • Non-Jerk Michelle says:

      Forgot to mention, saw the first episode of Fuller House reviewed on The People’s Couch on Bravo (if you don’t watch this show you should!). Derek S. Boyd/ Blake Ewing and his friends are regulars and I was so disappointed they didn’t watch and comment; they’re hilarious.


  44. anonymous says:

    The slime looks like a nod to the 1980s Nickelodeon Classic: You Can’t Do That On Television.


  45. Patrick says:

    Imagine if Danny walked into the slime instead and saw the house in that state, heaven only knows how he’d react to such a sight!


  46. Katie says:

    Kimmy Gibbler def got drunk at a party on the original series and buzzkill DJ acted like it was the end of the world and was mortified and acted like a snot about it.


    • Tess says:

      Because she was acting stupid and tried to drive home if I’m remembering correctly. Remember DJ’s famous, “My mother was killed by a drunk driver!” line?


  47. Mothra says:

    I generally watch this show pretty glazed over but when Joey made that comment about DJ not having to leave a tip to the Uber I said aloud: “FUCK, SERIOUSLY?!” Couldn’t agree more that Joey is the worst character on this show. I hated him as a kid and I hate him now.


  48. Elizabeth says:

    Macy Gray is here since this show is a flop and so is she.


  49. nerdygirl111 says:

    No one mentioned that they finally revealed where the second staircase went!


  50. ANoelle says:

    I honestly forgot that Jodie Sweetin was a dancer. And I had no idea she could sing! She’s honestly so freaking talented, I’m glad she was able to move past her addictions.


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