FAQ

All of your burning questions, as written by Teebore from the Gentlemen of Leisure Blog.

1. Why Full House? Why now?

Like many people, I spend an awful lot of time dicking around on the internet.  One fateful day in 2010 I finally got caught up on a video series I’d been watching on youtube for over a year and became desperate for a new source of free online entertainment.  I decided that it would be fun to read a blog that reviewed every episode of Family Matters and was disappointed when a google search didn’t lead me to one.  Up until that point I’d always assumed that any dumb idea you could come up with already existed in some form on the internet.  I figured that if no one had created this blog already then maybe I ought to just write that shit myself.  I was at a point where I’d been seriously considering designing a disciplined writing exercise for myself and thought that this might be the one to do.  Then the idea fell apart when I discovered that Family Matters never had a proper DVD release, but by that point I was fired up enough by the concept to try it out with a different show.

I decided that the show I chose had to be at least kind of awful because I was more interested in writing wise-ass humor articles than in-depth analysis.  I also thought that a nostalgia factor was important because a review series like this is very much about recreating the experience of watching the show.  One thing I’ve noticed about blogs and vlogs that shit all over something that sucked from previous decades is that they bring people together by presenting a shared experience.  I considered reviewing Saved By the Bell for a while because it’s my all-time favorite show to sit around and make fun of with people but, even though there wasn’t an episode-by-episode review series for it, I found a bunch of individual reviews and episode synopsis’ already existed when I googled it.  Eventually I decided that the best choice was Full House.

2. Judging by these posts, you sure seem to hate this show. If you hate it so much, why are you taking the time to review it, episode by episode?

I’ve always been compelled to watch Full House whenever it’s on tv but I’ve also always thought that it was unbelievably awful.  This masochistic urge to sit through what I’ve always considered to be the most aggressively obnoxious program in history has always perplexed me.  What’s the appeal?  Is it self-loathing?  Do I get stimulation out of the visceral anger it incites?  Do I secretly like it?

I’ve also noticed that many people who enjoy the blog are experiencing it with clear hindsight after being fans when the series aired (perhaps we should refer to them as “recovered Full House fans”).  This, too, intrigues me, and makes me wonder if the show’s success isn’t the result of some mass hysteria that people are only now recuperating from.

I don’t think I’ll ever find real answers to these questions, but they intrigued me enough to finally choose Full House as the subject of this blog.

Aside from the larger questions that can’t be answered, there’s also a very simple explanation for why I chose this show:  I think that Full House is the funniest show to hate on.  There’s just so much wrong with it, on so many levels, that every single episode easily provides enough material to write a 1,500+ word article that examines its flaws.  One thing I regret about not choosing Family Matters or Saved By the Bell is that I have a certain amount of reverence for those shows, which I think might be a better undercurrent for a project like this than the pure, seething hatred I feel for Full House.  But then I have to recognize that, on some level, I hate Full House so much that I love it.

3. But don’t you have better things to do with your time? Why not try finding a job instead of wasting your time writing scathing reviews of a show you don’t even like every week.

I don’t know why it bugs me so much when I get negative feedback in the comments that suggest that I go and find a job.  Since I write anonymously, I shouldn’t care at all about the assumptions people make about me, but that particular comment always bothers me.  I do have a job, and I work all the time.  I think it’s pretty self-evident that this project is the result of someone with a diligent, if not compulsive, work ethic rather than some slacker who sits on the couch all day.

Another thing that I’ll put out there is that I’m able to write this blog because I work from home and I choose my own hours.  I spent many years working a shitty day job (which is a big part of how I got hooked on reading stupid shit on the internet like this blog) and toiling away on my days off to turn what was then my hobby into a career.  I finally quit my day job in 2008 when I got a career break and then a few years later I was settled into that new career enough to try to find a new hobby for myself.  I always figured that my new hobby would be learning to play the bass guitar or something, but for whatever reason I ended up doing this instead.

So I write Full House Reviewed late at night after my work for the day is done.  It’s become a ritual for me.

4. You seem to refer to Joey as “Uncle Joey” a lot, but shouldn’t you know they never call him that on the show? There’s other stuff you get wrong too; what gives?

One thing that I think gives me a unique perspective as I watch this series is that I’ve never been a fan of it.  Like I said, I would frequently watch it when it aired, but almost always in syndicated reruns.  For that reason, there are a handful of episodes I’ve seen over and over again and plenty of others I’ve never seen.  I don’t know why syndication seems to work like that but isn’t that the experience everyone has with it?  Anyway, yeah, I do get details wrong sometimes, and the reason is because I don’t really know the show all that well.  This blog is about chronicling one persons experience watching every episode rather than a super-fans effort to create an encyclopedic review archive for the web.

As this blogs readership has grown, I’ve started getting more comments that point out mistakes I’ve made about the shows chronology (i.e. “you mislabeled the first time Michelle said, “you got it, dude”) or the way I might refer to characters’ relationships (i.e. he’s never actually referred to as, “Uncle Joey”).  Since I’ve never claimed to be an expert on Full House, and would probably kill myself if I did, I never fault myself for these errors.  If any commenter wants to defeat me in a game of Full House trivia then they can be my guest.

Contrarily, I do get occasional comments that point out my misuse of apostrophes, and those really tear me up inside.

5. If you could boot anyone out of the full house, who would it be?

Joey.  A thousand times, Joey!  I really do think that he’s the worst character in the history of television.  I’ve occasionally thought about what it might be like for a cast member of the series if they stumbled onto this blog (which, as far as I know, has never happened) and felt pretty guilty about it.  Even though I rail on Danny and DJ every single week, I can see how this was a good gig for the actors who played them, and bear no ill will towards them personally.  But Joey?  Dave Coulier?  That’s different.  I hate Joey the character so much that it makes me hate Dave Coulier the person, too.  Fuck you, Dave Coulier.  I hate your guts.

6. Is there a character on the show you find less annoying enough to consider a favorite?

I actually really like Kimmie Gibbler.  She’s like this amazing eccentric indie rocker kid who’s trapped in this Twilight Zone world of corny assholes.  She dresses like girls I dated in college and she’ll turn on DJ at the drop of a hat.  What’s not to like?

I also thought that Stephanie was a really cute little kid who provided a few genuinely funny moments in the first few Seasons.  Unfortunately, that’s all over after Season 3 and from there on out she becomes second only to Joey in her hateability.

Finally, I liked Rebecca Donaldson pretty well, back when she was Rebecca Donaldson.  She was the only character whose behavior ever made any sense, plus she had a hot ass.  Now that she’s gone crazy and assumed the role of Aunt Becky I’m afraid that her days are numbered.

7. Have there been any episodes yet that you genuinely enjoyed?

One thing I noticed after I took a minute to look back at some of the episodes I’ve reviewed when I completed Season 4 is that they all kind of blur together.  It’s difficult for me to describe any episodes at all, much less pick one that I actually liked.  But I’m pretty sure there was one where Danny was dating a woman with a messy apartment  that also included Stephanie doing a choreographed dance in a multi-colored unitard that was good-bad instead of just awful-bad.  There was also the episode in Season 4 where Urkel guest starred, which was the only one I was looking forward to in the entire series.

8. How about your favorite episode to review so far?

Hands down, the Urkel episode.  Urkel is rad, and the explanation they had for him visiting the full house was awe inspiring.

9. What other TV shows do you actually like? 

I kinda don’t want to say, lest I fall under scrutiny.  What the hell though, right?  I really love Taxi, Cheers, I Love Lucy and early episodes of the Simpsons.  I think that those are all great sitcoms.

10. Who would win in a fight between Steve Urkel, Joey Gladstone, and Cody from Step by Step? Show your work.

There are a lot of factors to consider here.  First of all, which show is this taking place on, and what year?  And can we assume that this fight will be seen through to its completion, or will there be some sort of intervention set to gentle music that teaches everyone a valuable lesson about not fighting, followed by hugs?

But let’s just assume that they really are having a straight up bare-knuckle brawl and that there’s no bias involved.  This still leaves one major question, which is whether or not this fight occurs before or after Urkel invented that machine that changed his genetic material.  If it took place before that then Cody would totally beat his ass, but if Urkel has the ability to assume the identity of Bruce Lee, as he did more than once late in Family Matter’s run, then it would be no contest.  Bruce Lee Urkel single-handedly beat the shit out of an entire biker bar so it stands to reason that Cody wouldn’t stand a chance.  Regardless of any of these scenarios, Joey comes in last every time.

If anyone else has any questions you can post them below and I will reply.