Season 4, Episode 6, “A Pinch for a Pinch”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Joey teaches Michelle how to play “house hockey” and she scores a goal on him.  Up to this point, Michelle’s line deliveries have all been pretty clearly prompted by an off-screen baby-wrangler, so she always had a sort of blank-stare, confused delivery, but by now she has a developed cadence that makes her about 10 times more obnoxious than she was before.  Her every delivery is as drawn-out and bratty as humanly possible, and I must once again ask you, the reader, if it really is wrong to want to punch a little girl in the face.  Seriously, this kid is the exception that makes the rule of, “never punch a little girl in the face.”  Exclusively in this one unique case, I’m sure it would be ok.

Danny brings in the paper after walking the dog before going to work while Jesse sits around in his bathrobe, contributing nothing.  Rebecca Donaldson come over to meet Danny for work and OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO HER HAIR!??!

I guess she likes to stick her head out the window during her morning drive to the full house.  Anyway, she and Danny take off and then Joey enters the kitchen to tell Jesse that he has to take an emergency trip to the dentist so he needs Jesse to fill in for him as the parent helper at Michelle’s preschool.  Jesse flat out refuses, saying that this is his “one free morning,” which is pretty hard to believe considering that Jesse is unemployed and has no clears goals in life.  He also conveys a really shitty attitude towards the preschool classroom in general, displaying a disdain for children that has never been seen in the last 3 years of this show.  Since when does Jesse hates kids so much?  I know that he is terrible at taking care of them, but this newfound contempt is clearly being pulled out of nowhere to service yet another half-baked storyline.

Joey combats Jesse’s animosity by having Michelle come in and put on a big show about how sad she’ll be if Jesse doesn’t come to her class.  She finally convinces him by making a hideous face that is supposed to break down his curmudgeonly stance even though it actually totally justifies it.

Seriously, if that’s not a face that’s hunchin’ for a punchin’, I don’t know what is.

DJ and Kimmie Gibbler actually acknowledge the storyline from the previous episode by giving Stephanie a copy of their school newspaper.  This attention to continuity actually made me really uneasy until it was immediately disserviced by Kimmie Gibbler endorsing her horoscope column after being assigned the gossip column last episode.  Phew!

Stephanie makes a really mind-blowing wisecrack when she responds to the column with, “horoscope?  What’s that, Kimmie?  A telescope that can only see your face?”  Get it?  Whore-o-scope.  Dang, that’s a pretty racy joke for this show…

Anyway, the girls read Stephanie her whore-o-scope and the beginning of it immediately comes true, leading her to wonder if the rest will, too.

Before bringing Michelle to class, Jesse once again clarifies that he thinks preschool sucks dick and will be a real sourball about helping out all day.  Incidentally, isn’t it kind of weird that Michelle has the same exact preschool classroom from last season?  Why isn’t she in Kindergarten by now?

Anyway, Jesse maintains his outlandish and totally unnecessary negativity while being forced to play music for the kids.  After being referred to as “Uncle Doofus” by Michelle’s previously established classmate, Aaron Bailey (he was in her preschool class a year ago), Jesse does an Elvis-styled rendition of “The Farmer in the Dell” for about 15 seconds before refusing to play the kids any more songs.  Seriously, if I was the teacher, I’d prefer no help over this guy, although I’d say the same thing if I was Danny Tanner and that sure hasn’t yielded any results.  Next, the teacher assigns Jesse to hand out animal crackers, because I guess this classroom has no enriching activities whatsoever, just poorly-devised entertainment, followed by snacks.

Jesse is quickly frustrated and overwhelmed by the dispensing of snacks, so much so that he is unaware when Aaron jacks Michelle for her elephant cracker.  When Michelle reports the problem to Jesse, he says that when somebody does something shitty to you, you should do it back to them, so she ought to steal his cracker in return.  Michelle confronts Aaron, armed with her newly established Old Testament code of ethics, which results in a riveting battle of pinches.  That’s right, Aaron Bailey, you pinch that rotten child!  Pinch her, and then PUNCH HER IN THE FACE!!!

Sadly, the fight is broken up by the teacher before Aaron has a chance to punch Michelle in the face.  Foiled again!  The teacher makes both the kids sit in the corner and asks Jesse what his fucking problem is that he would instigate a fight between a couple of 4 year olds.  Jesse refuses to admit that he was wrong and the argument escalates until Jesse finally grabs Michelle and declares that he doesn’t want her to go to that school anymore.  Wait, what!??!

While Danny and Rebecca Donaldson kick it old school in the living room, Joey comes home and does a lame post-dental-visit slurred speech about what happened to him, complete with an impression of a drill.  They really milk it when he answers the phone and has an unintelligible conversation that’s supposed to showcase his comedic prowess.  I’m not making a joke when I say that I wish Joey would die.  I really, honestly do.  I wish he would die.

Jesse comes home with Michelle after taking her to the zoo and Danny’s like, what the fuck?  Jesse totally unapologetically admits that he pulled her out of preschool and says he plans to educate her through exposing her to real-world experiences, which, understandably, makes Danny super pissed.  Jesse refuses to see the error in his methods and questions his role in the full house, which seems like the perfect opportunity for Danny to finally realize that these 2 shitheads are doing irreparable damage to his children’s psyches and he really needs to throw them out.

Joey delivers some more excruciating physical comedy, proving that undergoing a root canal procedure is in fact more enjoyable than watching Joey make jokes about having had one.  Stephanie comes home and goes on about how her whore-o-scope has thus far come true, creating a sense of dread and unease within her feeble psyche.  She goes upstairs and shares her distress with DJ and Kimmie Gibbler, who admits that she just copied the horoscope out of an old newspaper so it’s all a bunch of bullshit.  Wow, what a great subplot that was!

Michelle enters the room and enforces prison rules when she pinches Stephanie for borrowing her clown lamp.  Jesse witnesses the tyrannical behavior that his incompetent teachings have wrought and decides to have a heartwarming talk with her.

Jesse admits to Michelle that he was “a big jerk” and that he handled the problems of his youth through fighting and only now sees the error behind it.  He instructs her to try to solve her problems with words, and if that doesn’t work she should tell a grown-up.  But… she did tell a grown-up…  that’s how this whole mess got started.  Maybe he should be more specific, like, tell a grown-up that isn’t a fucking idiot.  Anyway, once that’s all cleared up, Danny enters the scene and says that he did damage control with the teacher so Michelle can go back to school.  He asks Michelle what she’s learned and she says, “Uncle Jesse’s a big jerk.”  Dang, it’s too bad Jesse just learned such a valuable lesson, because if this had been an earlier incident he just might have punched her in the face…

So many wasted opportunities…

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47 Responses to Season 4, Episode 6, “A Pinch for a Pinch”

  1. Dr. Bitz says:

    First of all, I’m still trying to decide if you made up the whore-o-scope joke. I just can’t beleive Full House went there.

    “Jesse totally unapologetically admits that he pulled her out of preschool and says he plans to educate her through exposing her to real-world experiences, which, understandably, makes Danny super pissed.”

    How long has Danny let Jersey and Joey screw up his kids? Two-three years? Frankly, Danny has no one to blame but himself.

    Also, I love the whacky sitcom contrivances like “preschool parent helpers.” Is that a real thing? Don’t most parents have jobs? Even back in the 90’s didn’t a lot of households have both parents working? Is it too much to ask the preschool teacher to do the job she’s being paid to do?

    Speaking of which….shouldn’t Joey and Jersey be, I don’t know, working!? Glad to see them doing everything they can to make Danny’s investment pay off.


    • billysuperstar says:

      the whore-o-scope bit is indeed in the episode. to be fair, i think the joke is supposed to be “horror-scope” but that’s actually more of a stretch than “whore-o-scope.”


    • Mumu says:

      I have a child in preschool in 2011, and yes, parent helpers are real.
      Not at all required, but parents can volunteer to help out.


    • Lauren says:

      My mom’s a preschool teacher. I haven’t ever seen them have parent helpers, though like someone else said, parents could come in and help if they wanted to, and they’d have extra help like when they do their field trips to the farm or the library or whatever. And they do a career day thing where parents (or aunts/uncles or whoever) with jobs that would interest a preschooler come in and talk to the class. But never heard of anything like Uncle Jesse’s doing where it’s required and he seems to actually be leading the class.

      What gets me in this one is the kids mobbing Jesse like that when he’s giving out snacks. Love how the teacher just lets the kids act like greedy little monsters. At my mom’s preschool, the kids all have to sit down at the table and then the teacher passes out the snacks to them.

      Kinda explains part of what’s wrong with Michelle, preschool is the first real education she’s getting and the teacher doesn’t give a crap what the kids do and lets them get away with everything (well, except for pinching).


    • Sarah Portland says:

      I teach preschool, and I cringe at the thought of parents “helping” in my classroom. Granted, the age I work with is generally 1 1/2 to 3, so they’re younger, but parents add a weird vibe to the classroom. And if their own kid acts up, who is in charge of handing out the consequences?


    • Lisa says:

      My kid attends a co-op preschool, which means one parent is required to help out each day. With snacks and cleanup, though, not actual teaching.


  2. Sam says:

    Bahaaaahahaha. Prison rules. Awesome.


  3. Teebore says:

    Since when does Jesse hates kids so much?

    Seriously. He hates them so much he took Michelle out shopping and bought her clothes that exactly mimicked his. Sounds like a man who hates kids…

    Next, the teacher assigns Jesse to hand out animal crackers, because I guess this classroom has no enriching activities whatsoever, just poorly-devised entertainment, followed by snacks.

    What the hell does the teacher have to do that’s so important that Jersey has to hand out the snacks? Grade term papers?

    Jesse comes home with Michelle after taking her to the zoo

    Well, at least the zoo is quasi-educational. Danny should be happy he didn’t take her to, I dunno, a motorcycle rally.

    But… she did tell a grown-up… that’s how this whole mess got started.

    Ah, Full House. You can’t even get your treacly life lessons right…


    • BOTR says:

      Seriously. He hates them so much he took Michelle out shopping and bought her clothes that exactly mimicked his. Sounds like a man who hates kids…

      He’s probably the type that would say, “I hate kids…except my own and ones I know personally.” I know someone like that; he likes his own kids but can’t stand anyone else’s.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Scott says:

    Yowza, look at that hair! Still, totally would.


  5. CC says:

    I remember this episode! My innocent child-mind thought that Stephanie meant horror-scope, like that Kimmie Gibbler’s face was horrific, but I like your interpretation better.


  6. Pete says:

    The past two episodes wasn’t Jesse unemployed? He seems to be getting more badass without advertising jingles tying him down. Without Rebecca, he might’ve went back to full blown Dr. Dare!


  7. Megan says:

    As soon as you mentioned the Elvis-esque version of “The Farmer in the Dell” I heard in the back of my mind the line that goes “honka honka stinky cheese, the cheese stands alone.”

    I need to drown that out with some vodka…


  8. I think this might be the start of Jesse’s egotistical fool behavior, especially when it came to children and raising them. He was always such an asshole to the preschool teachers, both Michelle’s and his own kids’. And the teachers just stood there and took his bullshit. I don’t even know what that’s about.

    Anyway I love this blog and I can’t get enough of reading the recaps for each awful episode. Finally someone who understands how terrible this show was and yet can’t help but watch every damn episode.


  9. Lisa says:

    Another episode dealing with Jesse’s issues with school??? I can’t. I just can’t. I thought I had covered all of them. Oy. (See my comment from Season 3, Episode 18).


  10. B-Dub says:

    Proof of the whore-o-scope:


    • Immurshun says:

      That’s a room full of REALLY bad actors right there. I remember really liking this show when I was a kid. I clearly had no taste.


  11. Oh, Rebecca Donaldson! What happened to your hair?! You were the only one that had a sort of timeless hairstyle and didn’t seem to be the victim of period hair trends! Alas, ’tis no more!


  12. kp199 says:

    I always that the “whore-o-scope” joke was actually “horror-o-scope” because it would be a horror to see her face. Meh, whatever. Either way, it’s the best thing the writers ever came up with in the script.


  13. Emily says:

    I haven’t laughed out loud at this blog yet.

    But then there was this:

    “That’s right, Aaron Bailey, you pinch that rotten child! Pinch her, and then PUNCH HER IN THE FACE!!!”


  14. Chuck says:

    If they hadintended to say “whore-o-scope”, it would’ve worked much better on Kathy Santoni.


  15. franz chong says:

    I can’t help it If they had let The Simpson’s Maggie had been allowed to grow up at the same pace as Little Michelle here or for that matter more recently that than Stewie on Family Guy would the outcome be any different.Homer and Peter let their babies get away with More Crap than Uncle Jesse did on Full House.


  16. Stacy says:

    This review is comedic gold. I laughed and snorted my way through this one. “Hunchin’ for a punchin'” – brilliant.


  17. Kenny says:

    Seriously, if that’s not a face that’s hunchin’ for a punchin’, I don’t know what is.

    LMFAO she is sooo deserving of it thats for damn sure.


  18. Laney says:

    Thank you because I KNEW there was a joke in one of the episodes that I couldn’t believe they made and I was hoping that by reading this site, I would find and remember it. And I did- it must have been the whore-o-scope joke. But damn, you’re right, they must have meant for it to be horror-scope. I had re-seen this episode on nick and nite a few years ago and had thought “did they really just say that????” And then for years had remembered that a seemingly off-color joke was made but couldn’t remember what. Mystery solved.


  19. Moxie says:

    It is absolutely fine to want to punch Michelle in the face. I’ve wanted to since the show aired and her little demon baby face accosted my eyes.


  20. kelsy says:

    Dude, never have kids. These child abuse jokes are gross, to be honest. Yikes.


  21. beautifulsorta says:

    If you look at Michelle’s face, I think it’s apparent she’s already been punched many a times. How else would you explain such a smashed troll face?


  22. Chris says:

    I think two years of preschool, from age three to age five, is becoming pretty standard in American preschools. Hell, I’m 33 and I had two years of preschool when I was a kid. Not quite sure why I did two years, but I do know from experience that, once they reach kindergarten, you can tell which kids had two years of preschool and which didn’t.

    Of course, if that teacher let the kids mob Jesse, then two years of preschool isn’t doing any of them any good.


    • Cat says:

      I agree that it really isn’t that bizarre that Michelle is in preschool for a second year. I’m a year older than those obnoxious snotbags, but yes, I was in preschool for two years as well. I think it was fairly common at that time. I assume she’s not in kindergarten yet because she’s not yet 5?

      Parent participation preschool is also definitely a thing, but not quite the way it is handled here. I want to say you need to have a background check done first, but I could be thinking of Girl Guide/Girl Scout leaders. That said, Jesse is a shithead in this.

      I’m thoroughly enjoying this blog. It brings a sense of nostalgia while also pointing out how insipid the whole thing was.

      I also realized reading this that Becky was probably my first TV crush. At the age of 5.


  23. Bluejay says:

    Rebecca Donaldson looks like someone attacked her hair with a curling iron, and that was all they managed to do before she could get away without getting burned.


  24. John Q says:

    To be fair the joke was “Horror-Scope” not “Whore-A-Scope” There’s no way a show like this would ever make a joke like that. Although it doesn’t help that Jodi Sweetin had trouble with the English language and couldn’t pronounce “horror” correctly.

    Rebecca’s hairstyle was a style that you used to see a lot during the late 80’s and it’s really because of Tom Cruise. It’s basically a version of the Kelly McGillis hairstyle in “Top Gun” and Elisabeth Shue’s hairstyle in “Cocktail”. Women were infatuated by Cruise during the late 80’s and wanted to emulate the actresses’ hairstyles in two of his biggest films. Although now it appears a bit funny that women were so infatuated by Cruise considered all the closeted gay allegations and bizarre behavior linked to Cruise during the last 20 years.

    Joey recycles his cheesy French Canadian hockey player voice that we saw last year in the episode where they pitch the denture adhesive.

    I love how people just barge into the Tanner house without knocking like Becky does in an early seen.

    I was also wondering what time does “Wake Up San Francisco” start that Danny and Becky are still at Danny’s house around 8:00 o’clock in the morning? Shouldn’t they already be on T.V. when Jesse is reading his morning paper?? And why is Jesse free anyway? Didn’t they just start a new t.v. production studio??? I also love how Joey could just go to the dentist and have a major procedure like a root canal done without any dental insurance and no discernible way to pay the bill.

    What kind of pre-school has no teacher aids and requires parents to “volunteer” everyday??? And then Jesse is basically left to run the class while the actual teacher leaves the room??

    I love how Jesse just takes it upon himself to remove Michelle from the school without consent of a parent. Is that even legal? My sister would probably have killed me if I ever did something like that. Again another massive boundary issue in the Full House.

    Jesse’s advice in the end is also classic when he tells Michelle “rather than pinching somebody just call them names and tell them to buzz off”. Yeah, good advice Jesse, teach the kids to escalate the situation by a series of name calling.


    • JCC says:

      “I was also wondering what time does “Wake Up San Francisco” start that Danny and Becky are still at Danny’s house around 8:00 o’clock in the morning?”

      More like “Good Afternoon San Francisco”. Motherfuckers are probably on their way home from work when those two are finally rolling into the studio.


    • Lisa says:

      As a Canadian kid (universal healthcare) the thought of underemployed Joey’s dental bill never crossed my mind!


  25. Odotry says:

    Oh no! Rebecca is adopting the hairstyle of the Tanner daughters. Turn around before it’s too late!


  26. JCC says:

    That is a clear case of just-been-fucked hair. I’m theorizing that Rebecca Donaldson is seeing her old college professor on the sly.

    Gotdang, Lori Loughlin was/is hot!


  27. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    I like how Michelle’s African American persuasion teacher acts all white and stuff and then when Michelle tells her teach what went down, she gives Uncle Hermes the black look. That “oh no you din’t” look.


  28. Lucky says:

    I think it meant horror scope


  29. Lloyd Mongul says:

    Jesse has three well defined goals doing shitty covers, eating fried chicken and tapping as much sweet Rebecca Donaldson ass as humanly possible.


  30. Mary says:

    Can we talk about Jesse and Michelle end all of the lectures with a peck on the lips? Is that ok now? Was it ok then? What is going on?


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