This episode opens with one of the twins pensively kneading play-doh while the other one shits in the other room. Becky comes home and excitedly tells Jesse that she got a 2-week tryout as a field reporter for a news show, which seems like kind of a step back to me. Isn’t having your own morning talk show better than being a field reporter? Becky learns that one of the kids just shit in the toilet and says that she’ll miss having little babies around but Jesse says it’s a good opportunity for her to concentrate on her career. Too bad her deadbeat ass husband was totally worthless as a stay-at-home dad or she could’ve been focusing on her career all along. Anyway, the scene ends with the baby going to go shit in the toilet some more.
Stephanie enters the living room and Danny asks her where Michelle is so she tells him that Michelle’s in the backyard with Scruffy. Who’s Scruffy? Well, Danny explains that it was nice of the girls to volunteer to watch the Davis’ dog. Who are the Davis’? That is never explained. Anyway, never mind that, because the real kicker is that Scruffy is actually a pig.
How or why did the girls lead Danny to believe that Scruffy was a dog instead of a pig? That is never explained. Anyway, Jesse begins to feed Scruffy with a bottle, which makes the audience go, “aww.”
Feeding the pig with a bottle makes Jesse nostalgic for last Season when he had little babies so he decides that he and Becky should have another one. Somehow I doubt that it’s a coincidence that this idea is coming to him at the same time that his wife’s new career aspirations are taking shape. Why is he so adamant about fucking up every aspect of her life?
Jesse makes Becky a romantic dinner and she notices that it’s the same dinner she made him when she revealed that she was pregnant. It’s funny that the writers on this show can remember this small detail but they can’t seem to keep track of entire characters or storylines. Remember when Danny’s sister moved to San Francisco and started dating Joey? It also seems feasible to me that Becky would interpret this pregnancy-news dinner as Jesse’s way of telling her that he knocked up a prostitute or something. Seriously, how could she even be surprised if he pulled some shit like that? I bet she wouldn’t even be mad about it and they’d just let the prostitute and the new baby live in the garage or something. Anyway, Jesse tells Becky that he wants to have another baby and they begin to discuss it but their exchange is cut short by one of the babies calling them into the other room.
They discover that one of the babies has a fever so Becky decides that she’s going to put off her reporter gig so she can stay at home with him. Jesse tells her to go to work and that he’ll take care of the kid by doing his radio show from home and then he decides that this situation is a perfect opportunity for him to prove that he can handle everything and that they’re totally ready to have another kid. Premise!
Describing the staging for pretty much the rest of the episode is going to be a real pain in the nuts because it’s one big convoluted cluster fuck. Danny puts a roast in the oven as Stephanie and Michelle take Scruffy, who’s been residing in a pen in the kitchen, for a walk. Jesse comes downstairs and hands one of the babies off to Danny while the other one, who’s sick, sleeps upstairs while they listen to him on the baby monitor. Jesse prepares for his radio show that’s starting in 5 minutes only to discover that Joey’s out rollerblading, then Danny offers him a kiss him on the mouth.
These 2 guys are in the basement who tell Jesse that his equipment is ready for broadcasting and then they leave, which makes me wonder why they’re in the scene at all. Of all the details that are constantly overlooked on this show, did somebody really think it was necessary for 2 extras to show up for 2 seconds just to explain that Jesse’s recording equipment was ready to use for a radio broadcast? Maybe they were friends with the producer and they lost a bet so they had to appear onscreen on this show as a penalty or something. They leave just in time to see Joey hobbling his way downstairs after fucking his back up rollerblading.
Joey lays on the floor as Stephanie and Michelle, not giving a fuck that there’s supposed to be a radio show being recorded, run downstairs and tell everyone that Scruffy got loose in the house. Danny hands whichever one of the twins he’s supposed to be watching off to Jesse as he looks for Scruffy. Jesse tries to give the baby a distracting activity to do while he hosts the show and Joey lies on the floor.
As soon as the radio show cuts to a commercial, whichever one of the babies is sick calls for Jesse on the baby monitor, which would totally interrupt the radio show if Jesse had still been on the air but whatever. Jesse tries to get Joey to get off the fucking floor and take over but he just lays there and groans. Jesse attempts to rush to the aid of his sick child but is distracted by his radio duties and the other kid fucking up one of his audio reels, which makes him wonder if maybe he isn’t cut out for having another kid after all. But he’s not cut out to have ANY kids!
Everyone runs around looking for Scruffy while Jesse makes his way upstairs to tend to his sick baby. On his way he runs into Danny, who he asks to man the radio show for him. Why didn’t he ask Danny to watch the sick baby instead? Also, how come like every single person who lives in the full house is home but no one will do anything to help Jesse? Seriously, if just one person would help him out he’d be able to host his radio show with like no problems. Or even if Joey had just been able to do his job correctly, just this one time.
Danny decides to totally shit all over Jesse’s confidence in him by going on air and being a big obnoxious ham. I know that all of these events are fictional and everything but I always think about the poor people who watch Wake Up, San Francisco or listen to the Rush Hour Renegades who are constantly subjected to content that would already be intolerable even if it wasn’t fraught with technical mishaps. Seriously, how do any of these people still have jobs?
Danny puts some music on the air and then DJ, Kimmie Gibbler, Steve and some extras come down into the studio and say that they didn’t know that anyone was going to be down there and they wanted to record a rap that they wrote for the pep rally. Oh, god damn it. After all I’ve been through already, am I really going to have to listen to these honkeys rap?
Oh hey I just noticed that one of the extras is black, which brings us to a grand total of about 8 black people who’ve ever appeared on this show, one of whom was Urkel. I wonder if the creators just weren’t that interested in having black people appear on the show, or if most black actors straight up refused to be on it. But in this instance, Danny insists that the kids perform their rap routine, so someone had to do the beat boxing, right? The rap routine is utter fucking chaos, so much so that even the characters on the show recognize that it sucks, but anyway it’s all just so that Danny can accidentally put it on the air so the radio show can suck even more than it already did.
Jesse hears his radio show completely going to shit so he puts his kid back in his crib and makes his way down to the studio. On his way he sees the pig and is able to lure him back into his pen. Jesse goes into the studio and is able to gain control for a few seconds before Michelle and Stephanie run downstairs and exclaim that the pig has been found. Seriously, doesn’t one person in this house give a shit that they’re trying to record a radio show down there?
So then the roast that Danny put into the oven earlier starts burning and Scruffy escapes from his pen and heads into the basement. The radio show is disrupted even further as everyone runs around trying to catch the pig and then they finally grab him and bring him upstairs. Up in the kitchen everyone discovers that Danny’s roast had caught fire so they all decide that Scruffy came downstairs to warn them and that he is a hero.
Becky presents a story about a mime who delivered a baby in the back of a cab while the mime acts it out because I guess this fucking episode wasn’t already excruciating enough so they had to throw a god damn mime in there. Becky holds the newly delivered baby and is overcome with maternal urges.
Later that evening, Becky comes home looking super fine in her reporter miniskirt and then, as Jesse greets her, the music comes on and he admits that he’s a big fuck up that can’t handle all of the responsibilities he’s taken on. Becky says that she’s decided not to take the reporter job because holding that baby made her realize that she’s ready to crank out another one, plus at this point doing whatever Jesse wants all the time has become pretty routine, especially if it involves ruining all of her hopes and dreams.
Then they decide to fuck right that minute, which is how the episode ends. I’m not even making that up. There’s a joke about them finding the pig in the bed after they turn the light off, but even still, I was kind of blown away by this ending. There’s no allusion or anything, they just straight up decide to have sex.