Season 3, Episode 3, “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do (in 22 Minutes)”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Danny and Michelle play basketball.  After scoring, they each say, “in your face!” and then he gets her to recite slogans for the NBA.

As the dad’s prepare for Michelle’s playgroup, Stephanie interrupts them with the news that she’s lost her front tooth.  I guess that when you have a show with young kids in it you have to write this kind of stuff in when it happens.  Either that or the producers wanted to do this episode so they knocked her tooth out.  I can’t say I’d put it past them.

DJ comes home with big news of her own:  she jumped her first fence on that horse from that one episode in the second season.  As I predicted, we never see the horse on camera again, but it’s nice to know that they’ve at least bothered to mention it.  Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson enter the full house and Jesse’s all fucked up and covered with mud from falling off a horse.  Jesse declares that he’s never going horseback riding again and Rebecca Donaldson says that’s no fair because she always does the things he wants to do, like seeing his shitty ass band perform at the Smash Club ten million times.  Jesse pompously declares that everything he likes to do is awesome so he should be appeased at all times.

Joey does lame impression for Michelle’s playgroup and the kids all listen stoically.  It’s interesting how the show sometimes acknowledges how fucking lame and unfunny Joey is… Is it supposed to be that he really is funny but sometimes people don’t get it, or that he’s endearingly bad, or what?  3 seasons in, I still have no understanding whatsoever of what the producer’s intention is with Joey.   Anyway, Danny shows up with a bunch of toys but then immediately starts scolding the kids for being messy and cleans the perimeter of the sandbox with a little hand broom.  Man, that’s not even anal retentive anymore, that’s straight up psychosis.

Danny hands out more toys to the kids but Michelle keeps being like, “my toy!” and grabbing them away.  Danny makes excuses for her and refuses to recognize that she’s being an asshole.  Surprisingly, Joey recognizes the problem and even goes so far as to point out that Danny’s incredibly flawed personality may be the root cause of it.  Man, when Joey steps in as the voice of reason, that’s when you know you’re really in trouble.

Rebecca Donaldson comes over to tell Jesse that she won’t be coming to see his lame ass band perform at the Smash Club that evening.  He gets all pissed and they argue until Michelle summons Jesse over a baby monitor that’s in the kitchen for the first time ever.  Kinda makes you wonder if that baby monitor will serve as some sort of plot device…

Sure enough, Jesse goes up to Michelle’s room and starts spouting off to the baby about what a selfish jerk Rebecca Donaldson is and, naturally, she hears the whole thing over the monitor.  Rebecca Donaldson gets really pissed and calls Jesse out on his bullshit but he refuses to back down so the fight continues to escalate until they ultimately break up.

Stephanie wakes up to find that the Tooth fairy has left her $20.  When she shows Danny, he’s like, “aw, fuck!”  At breakfast, Danny tries to talk Jesse into patching things up with Rebecca Donaldson, probably so he doesn’t have to deal with constant tension between his co-worker and his worthless live-in brother-in-law, but Jesse aint havin it.  As the family sits down to eat, Michelle tries to claim all the pancakes as her own so the family stages a routine about how great sharing is.  The routine is really long and doesn’t even have any jokes in it, they just all pass a pancake around a table, but in the end Michelle learns to stop being such a selfish asshole so I guess it’s kinda worth it.

Rebecca Donaldson shows up at the full house and Jesse pompously assumes that it’s to try to win him back but it turns out that she just put all his shit in a box and is all, to the left, to the left.  She explains to the kids that she and Jesse have broken up and they freak out.  DJ tries to convince Rebecca Donaldson to accompany the family to the movies later but she says she has plans already, which Jesse assumes means she has a date. As Rebecca Donaldson leaves the full house (incidentally, she exits through the back yard, presumably because they already have a set built for back there), DJ confronts her and expresses her concerns over how she’ll be effected by their breakup.  Rebecca Donaldson explains to DJ that even though she’s broken up with Jesse they can still go horseback riding and she’ll be there to teach her about tampons and stuff.  Upon learning that the breakup between Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson will have no direct effect on her, DJ is consoled.  Damn, DJ, way to not give a fuck about your uncle’s feeling at all.   Anyway, it turns out that Rebecca Donaldson was bullshitting about having other plans and so she agrees to take DJ and Stephanie to the movies later.

DJ and Stephanie hatch a zany scheme to get Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson back together.  As they stall Rebecca Donaldson up in their room, Jesse comes home with some cheap hoe, just like old times.  The hoe starts to get annoyed with Jesse for constantly talking about Rebecca Donaldson but then he smoothes things over by inviting her up to his room for some hot fucking.  He heads upstairs then DJ grabs Jesse as he enters his room and convinces him to try to talk things out with Rebecca Donaldson.

The two begrudgingly try to work out a resolution but then the moment they agree to patch things up that hoe reenters the scene.  The timing here is really odd because that hoe was supposed to follow Jesse upstairs but then she disappeared for about 3 minutes.  What was she supposed to be doing all that time, washing her vagina?

Anyway, the hoe is cordial enough to tell Rebecca Donaldson that Jesse wouldn’t shut the fuck up about her during their whole date and, for some reason that totally defies logic, this touches Rebecca Donaldson enough to not be mad that Jesse was about to bang her.  The hoe goes home and Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson have a talk about resolving their differences as gentle music plays, thus saving their relationship.

The relationship between Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson makes no sense to me.  I can see why he’s into her, on account of she’s hella fine and has a really good job and seems to be the only person in the entire Full House universe that has any common sense or reasoning or basic consideration towards other people whatsoever.  But what does she get out of the relationship?  Jesse is greasy and self-absorbed and only cares about Elvis, his shitty ass band, his hair,  and fried chicken.  Every time they argue, Rebecca Donaldson is clearly in the right and Jesse’s behavior is totally intolerable.  I know that this show needed some kind of romantic storyline to keep things moving and everything but, God damn, this is one shockingly unhealthy relationship.

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42 Responses to Season 3, Episode 3, “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do (in 22 Minutes)”

  1. Teebore says:

    Jesse pompously declares that everything he likes to do is awesome so he should be appeased at all times.

    I could totally get behind this declaration if everything Jesse did actually was awesome. Playing at the Smash Club kinda skunks it, though.


    • Austin says:

      And his obsession with Elvis. If you’re going to pick one artist or band to show what a hard ass rebel you are, Elvis was a bad choice (sorry that wasn’t witty enough; I really agonized over finding something better to say.) It seems like they just chose him because the viewers might like him.

      Seriously, dudes don’t like Elvis. It’s a chick thing.


  2. KimanderEvil says:

    “What was she supposed to be doing all that time, washing her vagina?” You are my hero!


  3. DrBitz says:

    “this is one shockingly unhealthy relationship.”

    Couldn’t that be said about all forms of relationships on Full House?

    I also find it humorous that the writers couldn’t even bother setting up the whole baby monitor thing with forshadowing. Immediately after the monitor is introduced we get the pay off. That’s stellar writing right there.


  4. Carrick says:

    Best thing about reading this blog instead of watching the show? Not having to listen to the music.

    Even though I’ve read this entire blog, I only JUST NOW noticed that you always use Rebecca Donaldson’s full name. lol


    • Chrissy says:

      And Kimmie Gibbler


    • Lauren H says:

      I really want to know why billysuperstar uses their full names all the time. Do tell, oh wise one!!


    • Jordan says:

      I just realized this myself, and laughed heartily.


    • santanaonfire says:

      I have noticed this for a while, and was waiting to comment on it.

      I had actually decided that this was the time, because she now has her own spot on the opening credits, which is almost like getting a star on the walk in Hollywood.

      Lo-and-behold, many other people chose to comment on the topic on this very post as well!

      It cracks me up that he uses her first and last name every time.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Wainwright says:

    Rebecca Donaldson shows up at the full house and Jesse pompously assumes that it’s to try to win him back but it turns out that she just put all his shit in a box and is all, to the left, to the left. 

    I don’t know who I found this line so goddamn funny. I FUCKING LOVE this blog!! I read season 1 in a day and a half, so I’ve tried to slow up so I read those these to fast, like when you’re running out of pot so you alone a little more so it can last you a few extra days.. yea like that, you’re so awesome I just compared you to pot… So, yea… You’re welcome.


    • Penny says:

      It IS like pot. Except, I didn’t do a great job of rationing, considering I discovered this blog just a few weeks ago. My only new entries are the ones I’ll get each Friday. Can’t wait to LOL each week; it always cracks me up!


  6. Wainwright says:

    Goddamn auto-correct, and being stoned and sidetracked and writing things in-grammatically.


  7. Kent Wellington says:

    All of my relationships are shockingly unhealthy


  8. kp199 says:

    “…..but it turns out that she just put all his shit in a box and is all, to the left, to the left. ”

    OMFG! Now I’m singing that stupid song, LMAO.


  9. Chuck says:

    By the next ep, Stephanie’s lost tooth was back, full-sized…continuity issues much? Oh, and loved the “washing her vagina” comment.😀


  10. Take-away:
    “Man, when Joey steps in as the voice of reason, that’s when you know you’re really in trouble.”


  11. nyrB says:

    Not to detract from the awesomeness of the commentary but I wanted to try and clear a mystery up. Jesse never invited the hoe upstairs to his room. When the hoe appears upstairs she even says “Jess, I thought we were leaving”. What happened was that they were planning to go out, Jessie popped upstairs to grab something, got waylaid by the girls, and the hoe got tired of waiting downstairs and came up to find out what happened to Jessie.


  12. How Rude says:

    Stephanie wakes up to find that the Tooth fairy has left her $20. When she shows Danny, he’s like, “aw, fuck!”
    This really made me laugh. And then it made me think, someone should do like a youtube series of full house replacing it with people saying shit like that. Like instead of Stephanie saying ‘how rude’ she could just be all like ‘fuck off’. I think it’s golden.


  13. The Venerable Bede says:

    “Either that or the producers wanted to do this episode so they knocked her tooth out. I can’t say I’d put it past them.”

    I’m *this* close to peeing my pants, *THIS* CLOSE!!!!


  14. Laney says:

    In response to the question as to what Rebecca Donaldson sees in Jesse, let’s not forget that he IS pretty hot during these seasons. This is post-mullet, but before the hair got longer and greasier. He and Becky are a super hot couple, no joke.


  15. Jamie says:

    “To the left, to the left” hahahaha, you are perfect. Also, a way better comedian than Joey. But I’m pretty sure everything, ever, is a way better comedian than Joey. It was still a compliment, tho. Favorite blog e v e r


  16. Activia by Jamie Lee Curtis says:

    This comment is coming in several years late and no one will ever see this, but I felt compelled to clarify why Rebecca Donaldson would be in a relationship with Jesse:

    Stamos is disgustingly hot. I’d bang him TODAY even though he’s now approaching his early 50s. I mean I would do crazy shit with him. I’d gob all on that knob until he screamed Opa, slammed a dish on my head, and unleashed enough of his Oikos yogurt to fulfill my weekly protein requirement.


  17. Charles says:

    That ho was indeed washing her vagina. Jesse likes his fuckholes Danny Tanner-clean.


  18. kt says:

    Is this the only episode with a sandbox?


  19. Bridget says:

    Billy forgot to mention the celery Danny was preparing for the kids. No peanut butter or raisins were used to make ants on a log kids like to eat. I like celery in moderation because I hate those strings. Why not have apple slices or carrot sticks for the kids?


  20. Kate says:

    It’s 2015 and John Stamos is still arguably the most attractive man on the planet, and I’m still obsessively reading a full house blog. Yup. Sounds about right.


    • Bridget says:

      Kate, since you obsessively read this blog, are you looking forward to “Fuller House” on Netflix and the “Unofficial Full house Movie” on Lifetime? I admit I am looking forward to the both of them!


  21. Will White says:

    I need to second / third / fourth the many appreciations of John Stamos’ hotness, which is never to be underestimated.


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