Season 4, Episode 17, “A Fish Called Martin”

I try to keep things strictly business ’round these parts but I just had to acknowledge real quick that FHR was mentioned on metacritic last week and then it got straight up blasted all over the whole mufuckin internet (including by the Huffington Post!!!).  I’m not quite sure who to thank (aside from this snazzy blog, I can’t say I’m too internet savvy, so it’s all kind of mystifying to me…) but my readership just increased like cray cray, so I just wanted to welcome all you new readers (especially those of you who have been going through the archives and commenting as you slog through my backlog) and send a big thank you out to all you famous bloggers and twitterers and tumblerers who spread the word about this ridiculous, masochistic hobby.  Welcome to my dumb ass waste of time!  Also, big ups, as always, to Teebore at the Gentlemen of Leisure Blog, who is this blogs blood brother and the only reader who leaves me a comment every single week.  What a great guy!

Anyway, I’ll save all other shout-outs and self-promotion till the Season Review, so without further adieu:

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle jams out with Jesse’s shitty band.  Surprisingly, his band features the same members that we saw the last time they played together, which is probably just to prove me wrong from when I made a snarky observation during their previous appearance about how the band always has a completely different roster.  Anyway, the band lets Michelle screw around on a fake guitar in front of them, which is all well and good, but then Jesse forces them to back her up while she sings, “Doo Wah Diddy.”  This one’s pretty rough, you guys.  I think I may have been abusing the word when I said that she “sings,” but I don’t know what the fuck else to call it.  She just coughs out this off-key, garbled mess…  And then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, she insists that the band play, “I’m a Little Tea Pot” and we have to watch the whole thing!  This is the longest pre-credits gag ever, by a lot!  It just goes on and on.  Up until this point, the only good thing about pre-credits gags is that they were short.  At least it explains why the members of Jesse’s band are always changing, because being forced to back some monkey faced little girl during rehearsal is a total deal-breaker.

As Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson make out on the couch in preparation for their wedding next week, she mentions that her family has a tradition of celebratory square dancing that they have to prepare for.  Holy shit, this explains everything!  For the past 2 Seasons I’ve been totally baffled as to why Rebecca Donaldson would ever give anyone in the full house the time of day, what with her sense of reasoning and her totally hot ass.  She always seemed too good for the rest of the assholes on this show, and I always wondered what hidden psychosis she must be harboring that would explain why she stuck around.  Well, today I got my answer: she’s a square dancer!  What an epiphany!

As Jesse tries to weasel out of square dancing, as if anyone in the full house could ever be too cool to do anything, Michelle comes home from a fair with the other dads and shows off a goldfish that she won.  She explains that she won the fish when she, “threw a ball into his bowl” and the audience laughs.  Really?  That’s not even kind of a joke.  It’s just straightforward information.  Anyway, Jesse exclaims to Michelle that she’s got her very first pet, which is a total disservice to Comet the dog and, more importantly, Bubba the turtle, the Tanner’s long lost, never-mentioned-again pet from Season 1.  I loved that amphibian.

DJ met some hot piece of man-meat at the fair and as he walks her to the door she’s about to offer him a rim job when Stephanie comes up and totally salts her game.  Bobby, the man-meat himself, is enthralled by a passing car and starts blathering on about how cars are the best thing ever.  He asks DJ if she likes cars, too, and she fakes interest because she’s so very, very desperately lonely.  Bobby is all jazzed about meeting a girl who likes cars as much as he does so as he’s leaving he tells her, “I’ll call you tomorrow…  and we can talk about cars.”  Although I think it’s pretty unhealthy of DJ to feign interest in something just to get a boys attention, I can’t fault her too much because it’s been clearly established that every character on this show is strictly limited to 2 or 3 characteristics that define their entire personality, so they really couldn’t possibly have anything else to talk about if she wasn’t interested in cars.

Michelle names her fish Martin and Joey offers advice about how to take care of him:  keep him clean and feed him once a day.

As Rebecca Donaldson makes another attempt to get Jesse to learn how to square dance, DJ comes into his room and asks if she can borrow some car magazines.  She explains that she lined up some hot schlong at the fair and all she needs is to learn about cars to seal the deal and then Rebecca Donaldson says that it’s shitty to pretend you like something just to win someone’s affections.  Jesse sees this as an opportunity to justify his refusal to square dance but Rebecca Donaldson’s like, “fuck you, Jersey, I’ve put up with more stupid bullshit in the last 2 years than in the rest of my life combined, plus I’m fine as hell and have a successful career, whereas you have some made up job and you live in your brother-in-laws nursery.  I wear the pants in this relationship, and you’re fuckin’ square dancing!”

Joey walks in on Michelle standing beside a full bubble bath and discovers Martin’s limp, lifeless body within.  How many times have I said that they shouldn’t let that fuckin’ kid walk around unsupervised all the time?  You see what happens?!!?

I’m really surprised that they showed Martin’s floating corpse inside that bowl.  That’s gotta be the most graphic image in the entirety of the series.  Full House has always featured the most vanilla, non-controversial visual vocabulary possible, seemingly taking place in a world without pubic hair or violence or drug use or bodily fluids of any kind, and yet they took something that would be pretty darn easy not to show and they held it out right in front of the camera for us all to see.  The really fucked up part about it is that Joey’s too inept to explain to Michelle that she killed her fish, so he just lets her believe that Martin’s sleeping and lets her carry his corpse back to her room inside of the fish bowl.  Now Michelle’s like the Norman Bates of fish owners.

Joey takes Danny and Jesse aside and tells them that Michelle killed Martin and he doesn’t know what to do about it.  You’d think that Joey failing to explain to Michelle that her fish died and letting her walk around with his rotting corpse in a bowl all day instead would be the final signal to Danny that he absolutely should not be housing Joey and allowing him to raise his daughters, but no dice.  After further discussion with the uncles, Danny decides that they should have a very special talk with Michelle to explain what happened.

Jesse, Danny and Joey all fumble through their attempted very special talks, the worst being when Joey just rambles about Road Runner cartoons and makes sound effects.  Danny eventually manage to spit it out about Martin being dead and Michelle gets all confused and asks how he died.  Joey explains that he died in the tub, which is clearly his way of substantiating to himself that the incident was all Michelle’s fault when he’s the one that told her to clean him and then he just let her walk around unsupervised.  Joey is totally ruining this little girls childhood right in front of Danny, week after week, and yet he never gets kicked out of the full house.

The dads all buy Michelle a new fish with a decked out ass fish tank but she’s all bummed out about fish and doesn’t want it.  The weirdest part about this scene is that Jesse carries Michelle into the room at the opening and she’s smiling and laughing, and it’s not until they give her the new fish that she gets upset.  It seems like she was pretty over the whole death of Martin incident, so why didn’t they just leave well enough alone?  Anyway, Jesse’s like, “we already paid for this tank and fish food and shit so if you don’t like it howsabout he’s the family fish?”  Michelle hesitantly agrees and then expresses a little more self pity before sulking off to the living room to do some more unsupervised activities.  Once she’s gone, Jesse asks the other dads what they’re gonna do if the new fish dies and then they unveil a secret stash of spare fish in the dining room cabinet.

That’s gotta be the weirdest joke ever once you think about it.  You hardly ever see that cabinet but, from now on, whenever you do I want you to remember that it’s filled with spare pet fish.

Stephanie quizzes DJ about cars and DJ gets all nervous because she’s learned jack shit.  Rebecca Donaldson comes in to summon everyone for the family square dancing practice but she’s distracted by DJ’s boy problem.  She explains to DJ that it’s fucking dumb as hell to lie about your interests and that she should just be honest with Bobby.  Just then the phone rings and when DJ answers she tells Bobby, “look, I want to be honest with you.  I think cars are boring and they cause pollution.”  Bobby promptly hangs up on him and then DJ just reacts by telling Rebecca Donaldson that any guy who hangs up on her is probably not her type.  How’s that for totally fucked up!??!  If this had been last Season I think that Rebecca Donaldson would still have had the sense to point out to DJ that she was being a rude bitch and maybe dropped some knowledge about social tact.  First the square dancing, now this…  I guess since this is the last episode before the wedding they wanted to make Rebecca Donaldson as crazy as possible to finally fully initiate her into the full house.

Oh my god, you guys, the Tanner’s fucking square dance.  I’ve seen so much at this point that I’m not even sure if I can call this an all-time low, but it’s certainly down there.  At the same time, it’s pretty unsurprising if you think about it.  Full House, at its essence,  is pretty much a cruel stereotyped rendition of white people, so it only makes sense that the corniest, white-breadiest family of all time would eventually engage in the crackerest activity known to cracker ass crackers.

Once they’re done hoeing down, Rebecca Donaldson gets Jesse to admit that square dancing is fun after all and then they promote once again that the wedding episode’s next week.

Michelle breaks up the square dancing party by frantically shouting about there being something wrong with the new fish.  The family runs to investigate and discovers that the fish has given birth.  Michelle is commended for alerting the family and they explain to her that they’re gonna put the mom fish in her own bowl, followed by an extended shot of them doing so.  What’s that all about?  Is that something that you’re supposed to do when a fish has babies that I don’t know about, like she’s gonna eat them or something?  It just seems like a really unnecessary detail to me.

Anyway, Danny tells Michelle that she can keep all the baby fish in her room and then the family calls her a hero and actually applaud her.  What?  She didn’t even do anything!

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84 Responses to Season 4, Episode 17, “A Fish Called Martin”

  1. Scott says:

    If nothing else this business with the fish better prepared Michelle for similar experiences down the road with Heath Ledger. I wonder how THAT special talk with Joey went.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A-Dawg says:

    While normally Full House is full of shit they did get the fish live birth thing right. Mama fish will eat their babies if they get the chance.

    Like

    • billysuperstar says:

      i guess what’s weird about it to me is that Full House seems to omit any harsh details of real life from pretty much any scenario, so why would they include this one? When a dog had babies a few Seasons ago there was no blood or anything, but they decided to acknowledge that a fish will devour its own newborn children.

      Like

      • Teebore says:

        The puppies can be torn away from their mother ASAP just so the full house can have a dog, but we gotcha make sure kids know fish will eat their babies…

        Like

      • DrVenkman PhD says:

        In defamation of Full House, I should point out that the Tanner family probably separated the mother from the baby fish not because they knew (and wanted to share with the audience) a scientific fact about fish life, but because babies running around unsupervised while the parental units are in another room is the only life they know.

        Having said that, I basically stumbled upon this blog by accident last week (I was trying to showcase lame San Francisco Giants fans and did an image search for Danny Tanner in a Giants jacket, and hey, here I am) and it has been an absolute treat reading these. I’ve mentioned it to all my friends that grew up on this show. I’ll be sad when I catch up and actually need to wait a whole week for a new entry.

        Keep it up!

        Like

      • Sonya says:

        To be fair, they pointed out that Michelle saved the baby fish from being eaten by the mom fish because it’s relevant to the plot. Michelle was depressed she drowned her pet fish Martin by mistake but at least she saved the lives of a bunch of new fish. I read mom fish can eat the babies 5 minutes after delivery so by speaking up and having them separated, Michelle was a hero.

        Like

  3. Teebore says:

    Aw, ’tain’t nothing. As Stan Lee once (sorta) said, you keep writing ’em, I’ll keep reading/commenting on ’em.

    Michelle jams out with Jesse’s shitty band

    You know, you probably could have just posted that screencap of Michelle with the band and called it a week. It pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?

    DJ met some hot piece of man-meat at the fair

    Love that extra large, backwards baseball hat.

    Joey offers advice about how to take care of him: keep him clean and feed him once a day

    Obviously, this comes back to bite him in the course of the episode, but really Joey? That’s your advice? Yeesh.

    Your extended Rebecca Donaldson rant is one of this blog’s finest moments. Suck it up Jersey!

    Is that something that you’re supposed to do when a fish has babies that I don’t know about, like she’s gonna eat them or something? It just seems like a really unnecessary detail to me.

    Yeah, the mom fish will pretty much chow down on the baby fish ASAP, but you don’t HAVE to separate them. I had fish when I was a kid, and one of them gave birth, and my parents just let everything be, and a few of the kids survived.

    At any rate, it IS an odd detail to feature on the show, like it’s a PSA message for handling pregnant goldfish or something…

    Like

  4. Isabelle says:

    I don’t understand the showing of the dead fish. Was it actually planned ? I mean, it was in the script for sure, but they killed that fish so that they could show it dead in the fucking bowl ? This show is definitely weird !

    Like

  5. “…the crackerest activity known to cracker ass crackers.”

    This brown kid cracked the fuck up at that. Yup. One of my melanin-challenged friends invited me contra dancing once, and when they explained that it was, “kinda like square dancing,” my reaction was to ask why the heck people would want to do it, then. Square dancing is one of the single lamest things one could ever do. So OF COURSE the Tanners are all about it!

    Like

  6. khoreia says:

    a friend posted the link for the site to her facebook at some point a week or two ago… been hooked ever since! I have compeletely caught up on every entry. amazing. thank you for being brilliant. I always thought it was a bizarre show but I remember watching it with my family almost every week.. now that I look back, it is kind of creeping me out.

    Like

  7. Audrey says:

    This blog has definitely opened my eyes to what horrible writing this show had. I always knew it was a bad show, but when you actually READ the episodes you realize just how bad they were. This was an absolutely pointless episode!

    Like

  8. PT says:

    “You hardly ever see that cabinet but, from now on, whenever you do I want you to remember that it’s filled with spare pet fish.” That cracked me up so hard! Not to mention blowing my mind.

    Like

    • The Complexities of Full House says:

      I know! It actually kept getting funnier to me. Like, I giggled. And then thought about it and laughed. And thought more about it and laughed harder.

      And the weird thing is, the only other thing that has ever occurred with that cabinet is when Michelle hid in it to spray Rusty with whipped cream— at which point the cabinet was completely empty. Do these people not understand what storage is for? They made Danny sell crap at a rummage sale and then move it to storage because he didn’t have enough room in the attic. But apparently no one things to use the huge cabinet in the dining room for anything other than toddlers with ice cream toppings and spare fish.

      Like

  9. Molly says:

    I’ve only recently discovered this blog, but let me just say that I find it nothing short of fucking delightful. I also just want to say that beyond enjoying your commentary, I really do appreciate the supreme sacrifice you’re making here. If I had to watch Dave “My Only Other Claim to Fame is That I Fucked Alanis Morissette a Decade Ago” Coulier every week, I assure you that I would have fucking laced my own food with rat poison months ago.

    Like

  10. Angie says:

    When I started reading this, I didn’t know it was an ongoing project, and my soul hurt a little bit with the realization that I have to wait a week in between each new blog.

    Like

  11. Jenn says:

    Is this the first time we see the bathroom? It’s such a weird design. I hate the two shower curtains around the tub. And why are there two hand towels nowhere near a sink? And Joey’s pants are so ugly…but not as ugly as his face. How did he get this job? Would someone else have been better at it or is it customized for him? Hmmm…who would you pick as an alternate Joey?

    Like

    • Cory says:

      I’d like to see an alternate universe where Howie Mandel got the role.

      Like

      • Cory says:

        Or what if like, Weird Al got the role of Joey?

        Or Bobcat, or Gilbert, or Tom Arnold.

        Like

      • Kristin says:

        With Howie Mandel’s OCD about touching people the poir guy wouldn’t survive ten minutes with the personal space invading Tanner fam.

        Like

    • JohnMo says:

      As lame as it is that I know this, we saw the bathroom in the episode where Stephanie loses Danny’s wedding ring down the sink. We’ll see it again when Stephanie moves out of her bedroom in a few episodes.

      Like

  12. furburger says:

    ive finally gone through all the archives and incessantly tweeted my favorite quotes to the point where everyone in my life (for the past 2 days) thinks i’m bat shit crazy (OR A NUTBURGER???). if that’s the case now, god help them when i have to wait a week in between fixes. all i have to keep me going is my new found love of the word JAMMY.

    Like

  13. Katie says:

    I’m so glad Huffington Post led me to your blog last week, and I’ve finally made my way through all of your archives! I am anxiously awaiting your review this Friday. Thanks for being the best entertainment during my long days in the office!

    Like

  14. Mojo says:

    What really keeps me laughing day in and day out is the fact that you always refer to it as ‘the full house.’ Something about that image just makes me giggle.

    Like

  15. jaspermarie says:

    NOOO! can’t believe I’m caught up…. that was like a solid week of reading. Your blog is great, so glad you’re getting love from the internets.

    Like

  16. Sam Kobb says:

    Honestly, I used to LOVE Full House. My sister and I watched re-runs that aired on ABC Family every single day, about six years ago. Then I smartened up and realized how fucking awful this show is, but my sister on the other hand, was still in love with it. So, we continued watching it and, for me, the show became one HUGE fucking joke. Eventually, my sister caught on and we have both vowed NEVER to watch this shit again.

    Now that I have found this blog, I really, really realize how absolutely fucking STUPID Full House was. I wasted a lot of beautiful summer afternoons glued to the TV, watching a pile of horse shit.

    Your blog is fantastic!

    Like

  17. Tanya says:

    I just found this blog last week through Stumbleupon, and have read through the whole thing – Hilarious!

    I looked up the Doo Wah Diddy skit on Youtube. I read an interview with Mary Kate and Ashley stating that they used to work for gummie bears on Full House, in that they would crawl towards them/reach for them….aka act like animals.

    At the end of the Doo Wah Diddy skit, right before she starts strumming on Uncle Jesse’s guitar, it looks like he hands her one and she holds on to it until the scene ends.

    She might be getting to big for this to continue longer, but if you notice it again it might lead to humorous things.

    Like

    • SZA says:

      I’m guessing Uncle Jesse hands the baby a guitar pick, not a gummy bear.

      And yes, I hate myself for actually going to YouTube, watching the clip myself, and coming to such a reasonable conclusion.

      Like

  18. Stoic says:

    Something is starting to bug me.. How does Uncle Joey afford to keep his wardrobe filled with grotesque multi colour sweaters and sweat pants when he and Uncle Jesse only seem to record one or two jingles a season?? And you just know that Jesse is screwing him on royalties.

    Like

  19. Full House, at its essence, is pretty much a cruel stereotyped rendition of white people, so it only makes sense that the corniest, white-breadiest family of all time would eventually engage in the crackerest activity known to cracker ass crackers.

    I almost did a spit take trying to contain my laughter after reading that line. Bravo.

    Like

  20. Pete says:

    Aside from Steve, DJ really had bad taste in guys.

    Like

  21. bri says:

    god, if I were in a band that had a toddler being featured in every rehearsal, I’d be out of there soooo fast. Also, why does the band always practice in front of the staircase and in a performance setup? Usually when practicing, you face each other so you can talk and bounce ideas off each other… and there must be better places in that huge house to practice than in front of the stairs…

    Oh, and wtf happened to the newspaper delivery boy that DJ was crushing the fuck outta? For once, DJ somehow managed to whip out just a teeny bit of game… or something like that… oh man, I just remembered one of DJ’s future boyfriends… I think his name is Snake or Viper or something… and he’s supposed to be this badass rocker guy, but he’s totally the lamest geek-burger ever… even worse than Jesse. Yeah, did you like how I slipped in that awesome Full House slang? I know you did.

    Like

  22. SZA says:

    @ Tanya, I’m guessing Uncle Jesse hands the baby a guitar pick, not a gummy bear.

    And yes, I hate myself for actually going to YouTube, watching the clip myself, and coming to such a reasonable conclusion.

    Like

  23. Zozo says:

    In the toilet that is Full House, this episode is one of the biggest turds.

    Like

    • The Venerable Bede says:

      I don’t know if it’s fair to compare Full House episodes to turds; I mean, I actually feel proud of myself when I push out a big turd.

      Like

  24. Larry Cooper says:

    Ever notice when DJ is talking to the car geek, he turns his big head around so fast to look at the passing car, I though he was gonna get whiplash.

    Like

  25. JGA says:

    I know what happened to Bubba The Turtle. That ape-faced little cunt murdered him, just as she did with the fish called Martin.

    There are three distinguishing behavior characteristics found in children that should act as red flags parents should look for in order to identify if their child is on track to become a potential serial killer. They are chronic bed-wetting, setting fires, and torturing small animals. Michelle Tanner is 33% on her way to becoming the next Aileen Wuornos.

    Actually, come to think of it, one of those creepy little hoes ended up growing into full adulthood and killing Heath Ledger, so maybe the trinity was completed elsewhere along the line after all.

    Like

  26. PuppetDoctor says:

    “I guess since this is the last episode before the wedding they wanted to make Rebecca Donaldson as crazy as possible to finally fully initiate her into the full house.”

    I like the way you keep mentioning how Rebecca is getting closer to the craziness that is caused by the Full House. One thing I have been wondering is when Rebecca gets married are you going to write her name as “Aunt Becky” or still as “Rebecca Donaldson.” I know I could check later entries of the blog to find out but I want to be surprised.

    I wonder how fast fish have babies because that mother seemed to reproduce super fast.

    Like

  27. “I’m really surprised that they showed Martin’s floating corpse inside that bowl. “

    I’m guessing the end credits did NOT say “no goldfish were harmed in the making of this episode”? They totally iced that fish just to get the shot, I’m sure.

    “Now Michelle’s like the Norman Bates of fish owners.”

    Brilliant!

    “That’s gotta be the weirdest joke ever once you think about it. You hardly ever see that cabinet but, from now on, whenever you do I want you to remember that it’s filled with spare pet fish.”

    Not to mention that now SOMEONE has to take care of a dozen extra fish. In secret. Maybe they with have a “family-quality-time” fish fry later in the season and Rusty can push Danny in a septic puddle again.

    “Full House, at its essence, is pretty much a cruel stereotyped rendition of white people, so it only makes sense that the corniest, white-breadiest family of all time would eventually engage in the crackerest activity known to cracker ass crackers.”

    Cracker ass crackers. Love it.

    Like

  28. kp199 says:

    Every one of your write-ups have been absolutely hilarious, but I think this one might be your absolute best yet.

    Like

  29. kp199 says:

    Also, I forgot to mention, the fish is never shown, or even mentioned, again. They end the episode with the fish tank on the kitchen table, and the next day, gone. Why do they even bother?

    Like

    • JohnMo says:

      EVERY episode is like this. Girlfriends, boyfriends, best friends, cars, fish, turtles, bands, Urkel, they all appear for a single episode and then you never, ever hear from them or see them again.

      Like

  30. Sarah Portland says:

    “The Norman Bates of fish owners”.
    She wouldn’t even harm a fly…

    Like

  31. e_x_i_t says:

    “If this had been last Season I think that Rebecca Donaldson would still have had the sense to point out to DJ that she was being a rude bitch and maybe dropped some knowledge about social tact.”

    Maybe she realized that these kids are a lost cause and doesn’t even want to bother anymore. I mean you have DJ who’s always all over the place with her self loathing, Stephanie’s a complete mess and Michelle is just an obnoxious little asshole. The thing is and I can’t believe I’m about to say this, DJ is probably the most realistically portrayed kid on the show. No wait I take that back, the all mighty Gibbler is the most realistically portrayed kid on the show, for a second there I almost lost myself.

    Like

  32. N says:

    Hi,

    Just wanted to point out that it is a fact that when female fish give birth, they need to be separated from the kids or else the moms will eat the babies…

    Like

  33. Dawn says:

    OMG 54 comments& especially you Billy-shame shame shame! I kno someone mentioned Joeys wardrobe BUT how could you not point out that the sweater he was wearing during the cracker dance (u pointed out the hand sweater & other disasters the family has been caught wearing) It looked like Betty White dry humping the floor while writing a harlequin novel! Seriously that hideous sweater-from what I could see-portrays an old woman with white hair,laying on her stomach & knees with paper & pencil in hand I was so intrigued by what was on Joeys sweater I barely noticed the Tanners dancing & that’s hard to miss! Another great installment as usual You Keep my mornings bright!

    Like

    • JohnMo says:

      OMG, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the fuck was on that sweater of his! I was thinking the same exact thing as I read this recap, “I don’t really remember them square dancing”, it’s because I was transfixed on that damn ugly ass sweater!

      Like

    • BOTR says:

      This is really hard on the eyes.

      Like

  34. cassparilla says:

    There’s no way she got the original Martin at a fair. That thing is a fancy goldfish with the bumpy head–that thing’s a couple bucks at the pet store. The only fish you get at fairs are the scrawny little feeder fish you can buy for a penny that live a maximum of twelve hours…just long enough for the kid to become attached to their new fish and for the parents to shell out all the money for all the stuff you need for a fish. THAT would have been a great lesson that Full House wouldn’t have followed through on: dealing with death and how anything you get for free is crap.

    Like

  35. Megan says:

    i actually thought the guy from the funfair Bobby was his name . he was cute but the thing is Dj doesn’t like cars and he does oh well.

    Like

  36. Kenny says:

    Anyway, Danny tells Michelle that she can keep all the baby fish in her room and then the family calls her a hero and actually applaud her. What? She didn’t even do anything!

    Amazing they all kept getting dumber and dumber as this series progressed even up to the end of the series itself.

    Like

  37. Jonny says:

    I still can’t get over this. That type of fish does NOT give birth to baby fish, it lays eggs. Also last I checked it takes 2 parents to create those eggs to begin with. Are we supposed to believe there is some kind of god damn stork delivering these fish?

    Like

    • Simone C. says:

      Good point! And I mean I really doubt that a pet store would even sell a mom with her eggs, if we could pretend THAT’S the reason why the fish seems to have babies so quickly (plus I doubt the “Full House” writers would have written anything that would require the viewers to figure out their own conclusions).

      Like

    • karalianne says:

      It looked like a molly to me, and those are livebearers.

      Like

  38. Daniel says:

    ” Anyway, Jesse exclaims to Michelle that she’s got her very first pet, which is a total disservice to Comet the dog and, more importantly, Bubba the turtle, the Tanner’s long lost, never-mentioned-again pet from Season 1. I loved that amphibian.”

    I read these reviews in bed and this line made me wriggle around under the covers and laugh uncontrollably.

    Like

  39. Allison says:

    The minute I read the title I remembered which episode this was. There was a cupboard at the end, that came out of nowhere that revealed tons of fish in case Michelle (Troll Doll), my mom recently asked if they still look like troll dolls.

    Who was going to keep feeding all those fish? They were all gong to die anyway by the hands of the troll doll.

    Like

  40. DJ Tanner's Awesome Hair says:

    Wow your anti-white RACISM is at an all-time high here, you dumb dick. “Ooooh I’m a little pussy bitch who can’t handle criticism even though this entire blog is, ironically, overly critical … hypocrisy should be the title of this fucking blog. you beg for money, then make fun of jesse and joey for being mooches .. hell, you even need the seasons purchased for you! you blame whites for being racist even though everything you say about whtie people is prejudicially racist, and you can’t handle criticism even though that’s your entire life’s meaning and essence.

    Like

    • Simone C. says:

      I know this comment is over a year old, but it’s still worth addressing.

      I don’t know if this was trolling (given this is the Internet, that’s a strong possibility), but people have gotten really angry at Billy’s blog before, so this could have been in earnest.

      White people can experience prejudice, and I do believe it’s possible for them to (sometimes) experience racism, but it will more than likely NEVER be on the level this commenter was referring to (racism against blacks, Hispanics, just people of color in general).

      Billy’s white (from what I could tell from seeing him in the videos where he read some of his reviews live, but correct me if I’m wrong), so it’s also him probably kind of poking fun of the race he comes from himself. Even if he’s not, your temporary discomfort because of Billy’s joke in no way compares to the jokes made at POC’s expense that’s been going on for years.

      I know it might be dumb to address such an old comment, but it’s something I feel strongly about, so I felt it necessary. (I’m white myself by the way.)

      Like

  41. Charles says:

    It takes hours of painful, expensive waxing, but Rebecca Donaldson’s groin is as smooth as a ten-year-old’s.

    I have a theory for why Joey is allowed to live in the full house: he’s actually mentally ill/handicapped, and Danny is his legal guardian. If you like, maybe he was brain-damaged in the same car accident that killed Danny’s wife.

    Like

    • Simone C. says:

      I don’t think waxing was quite so big in the 90s, but I was born in ’94, so was a child of the late 90s/early 00s, and only know so much about trends in the 90s. (I know about the big ones, fanny-packs, Beanie Babies, etc., but not more specific ones, i.e. women’s grooming habits.)

      Like

  42. Martin Tanner's Ghost says:

    RIP, my body. RIP.

    Like

  43. Anoyomous says:

    When I was a kid around 7 I won a goldfish at my local carnival and it lasted a decade in my backyard pond before my pet turtle ate it,

    Like

  44. Anoyomous says:

    I had a goldfish I won at a carnival for ten years, What Danny and Joey did wrong was put the damn thing in a fish bowl. Goldfish need at least 20 gallons and that doesn’t include the filters and pumps required to clean the tank

    And yes Michelle is the Norman Bates of fish and er turtles Poor Bubba!

    Like

  45. Bridget says:

    Anonymous, someone should have taught Michelle to clean Martin’s bowl properly! I mean, Joey says fish like to be clean and she takes that to mean cleaning him in the bathtub. I have 2 goldfish that live in a big snifter glass in my room with a filter and all and my dad showed me how to clean their environment and I haven’t lost the 2 of them.

    Like

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