Season 6, Episode 13, “The Dating Game”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle teaches the twins how to sweep.  The terrible little pants in this scene reminded me that I don’t spend nearly enough time criticizing the outfits on this show.  To be fair, I’ve been watching this shit for years now, you guys.  Years!  Sometimes I can’t even see it anymore, and that is a truly terrifying thing to know about myself.

Danny prepares a complex meal that he refers to as “turkey in a boot” for what’s-her-name in commemoration of him making it for her on their first date.  It’s the middle of the day, though, so I guess he’s just gonna reheat it later or something.  All the kids come home and Stephanie has her friend from the baseball team, Josh, with her.  Kimmie Gibbler takes her shoes off and everyone complains about her stinky feet, including Danny, who asks her to, “think about the ozone.”  Why is that such a timely reference?  It’s weird that you never really hear about the ozone layer anymore.  Did it get better?  I guess environmentalists just gave up on it and moved on to organic food or something.

Josh asks Stephanie if she wants to go get pizza with him later and then it turns out that Steve and DJ are the only ones available to give them a ride.  The boys conveniently leave the scene so the girls can all have an exchange where DJ and Kimmie Gibbler point out to Stephanie that she’s about to go out on her first date.  Stephanie tries to downplay the situation but DJ assures her that Josh totally wants it, which makes Stephanie nervous.

Joey and Jesse perform a routine on their radio show called, “The Cartoons of Our Lives,” which is basically a mock radio drama with Joey doing all the voices as terrible impressions of cartoon characters.  What the fuck is this?  I thought that these guys were supposed to be playing popular music for their audience.  I can’t think of anything I would hate to listen to more when I’m stuck in traffic than what they are doing here.  If I was stuck in a car and I had to listen to this, I am absolutely positive that I would actually kill myself.

To top it off, Jesse performs an advertisement for a clothing store and suggests that if women can’t find the proper fit there, they should lose some weight.  Yeah, that’s right, plus-sized radio listeners!  Go fuck yourselves!  Joey gets all nervous when their boss, Alison, shows up outside of the booth because apparently he wants to bang her.  See, I told y’all that that’s what would happen if she was ever on the show again!  What other storyline could there ever be for a woman boss?  Also, I can’t believe that I didn’t catch last time that she’s played by OG MTV VJ Martha Quinn.  Thanks, comments section!  Anyway, Joey gets all nervous and starts knocking shit over.

Alison comes into the studio and tells Jesse that it was insensitive to tell their female listeners to lose weight.  OH MY GOD SOMEBODY CALLED JESSE OUT ON HIS STUPID BULLSHIT!  IT’S A MIRACLE!  I’m surprised that they didn’t reserve such an occasion for the Christmas episode last week.  It’s way more surprising than Jesse making it snow in the backyard.  Alison is officially my favorite character ever now.

Jesse refuses to take any blame for his shitty comments or for being a generally terrible person who treats women like garbage and then Joey invites Alison over to dinner, leaving the argument to be continued at the full house. Alison excuses herself and then Joey pleads with Jesse to prove that he can be respectful towards women during the dinner so that he can fuck her.  Makes sense.

Stephanie buys some stupid teen magazine and reads a bunch of rules about first dates to DJ and Kimmie Gibbler.  Stephanie and Kimmie Gibbler talk hella shit to each other as Stephanie reads a bunch of idealistic dating tips that will inevitably lead to disappointment.  I think that magazines for teenage girls are probably the only thing that are as equally fucked up in the real world as they are in the full house universe.

Stephanie gets all dressed up for her date with Josh but he seems pretty disinterested in her romantically.  Or at least ambivalent.  Josh is a very nuanced character and it’s a little bit difficult to get a clear read on his subtle emotions.  Anyway, DJ and Steve take them to some pizza place where Steve immediately starts eating stray leftover pizza that he finds on a table.  Damn, Steve’s obsessive eating is starting to be on par with Danny’s obsessive cleaning, or Joey’s obsessive general behavior that makes you want to punch him in his stupid face.  I think that Steve’s incessant eating must be an outlet for his sexual frustration.  Anyway, Stephanie forces Josh to sit with her in a booth with Steve and DJ and then DJ tells her to fuck off.  DJ pulls Stephanie aside and Stephanie starts talking about that stupid magazine article again and how the date has to be perfect and that she needs DJ to direct her.  They go back to the booth and Stephanie tries to follow DJ’s lead, which leads to wacky mishaps.

Meanwhile, back at the full house, Jesse tries to make an impression on Alison that he’s not a complete piece of shit and then Joey somehow manages to accidentally pelt her with salad.

He’s been making a lot of fumbling mistakes because he’s so nervous around her, but that still doesn’t really explain how he manages to throw salad all over her like that.  Moments later, Joey heads over to the oven to pull out Danny’s turkey in a boot, and guess what happens?  No, seriously, you’ll never guess where this is going!

Joey drops the turkey in a boot!  Right on the floor!  Danny is crushed, and apologizes to Vicky for the misfortune, stating that, “I know turkey in a boot is your favorite meal.”  Where’d he get that from?  Just because he made it for her one time?  She clarifies that she doesn’t even like it, which makes the whole scenario pretty hilarious.  Seriously, what a self-absorbed asshole.  Not only did he never realize that she was only humoring him by saying that she liked it, but he actually decided that it must be her very favorite food.

Michelle, who for some reason doesn’t seem to get to eat dinner this evening, comes downstairs and starts telling Alison about how Joey said that he “has the hots” for her.  I think I mentioned this recurring routine a few reviews ago, where either Stephanie or Michelle brazenly repeats something that they clearly aren’t supposed to, much to someone else’s humiliation, and we’re all supposed to think it’s cute.  Well, here it is again.  Anyway, Alison is forced to recognize that her seemingly-asexual employee actually invited her over so he could bang her so she makes a quick attempt to excuse herself.

Jesse stops Alison on her way out and insists that she gives Joey a second chance.  Doesn’t this constitute sexual harassment?  Not only did her employee try to trick her into a date with him, but now her other employee is doing whatever he can to prevent her from gracefully exiting the situation.  Anyway, Jesse makes a big point about what a great guy Joey is and then, astonishingly, Alison responds by telling Jesse that she misjudged him before by reacting poorly to his constant shitty behavior and that, after being pressured into dating his unfuckable idiot friend, she now sees what a great guy Jesse is.  What the fuck is this?  Is Jesse some sort of hypnotist?  Or maybe this is another example of the full house breaking down the will of some poor, unsuspecting woman, like it did with Rebecca Donaldson.  Either way, I can no longer claim that Alison is my favorite character.

Joey enters the scene and then the music comes on as he apologizes for his inappropriate conduct and then Alison lets him down easy with the ol’ “I just got out of a bad relationship” excuse.  Despite its many flaws, I’m glad that this storyline at least acknowledged in some way how unappealing Joey is to women.

Josh and Stephanie stare at DJ and Steve as they make out on the back porch, which continues the grand Full House tradition of people being stared at while they make out.

Stephanie then plants one on Josh, who quickly wipes his mouth off and asks her, “what’d you do that for?”  Ooh, burn!  Stephanie runs upstairs in shame and then DJ follows after her for a very special talk, which wakes up Michelle.  As DJ and Stephanie recount the incident, Michelle has another incredible line reading where you can actually see her being prompted.  She asks Stephanie, “You kissed a boy?” and then she sort of sits blankly for a few seconds while the off-stage baby wrangler feeds her the next line, at which point she makes a disgusted expression and says, “ew, cooties!”  Truly inspired!  Anyway, the music comes on for the second time in like 3 minutes as DJ tells Stephanie that she shouldn’t go chasin’ waterfalls, and should stick to the rivers and the lakes that she’s used to, because although she’s going to have it her way or nothing at all, DJ thinks she’s moving too fast.  Then they all hug.

 

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86 Responses to Season 6, Episode 13, “The Dating Game”

  1. Jordan says:

    The TLC part was my favourite. Good one.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Melissa says:

      yes…. I lol’ed

      Like

    • khoriea says:

      hell yeah!

      Like

    • Angela says:

      Same here. That was awesome.

      Other favorite parts: the shot of Joey bent over in the studio, because dear god, that’s hilariously wrong on so many levels, and your comments on the “Cartoons of Our Lives” thing. I would love to see the reaction of some citizen in San Fransisco who turns on the morning talk show Danny and Becky do or turns on the radio once and sees/hears all the stuff that goes on at both. Talk about a surreal, WTF? kind of moment.

      And I think I literally saw a light shining down from the sky when you praised Alison for calling out Jesse at the station. Shame your love for her died so quickly, though.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sully says:

        I some how feel like watching citizens of San Fran react to the crap that “happens” to the Full Housers would look very similar to a Dave Chappelle skit.

        Like

    • The Venerable Bede says:

      Same!

      Like

  2. You had me at Waterfalls.

    Like

  3. CaulkRocket says:

    As a kid watching Full House growing up, this didn’t occur to me until reading this review:

    Turkey in a boot? What the fuck?????

    I even tried googling it and nothing came up about this. Where the hell did they get this idea?

    Like

  4. shane says:

    great review, man. I’m jealous over at the Winslow’s.

    Like

  5. Manny Tanner says:

    “That’s right, plus-sized radio listeners! Go fuck yourselves!”

    I should NOT be reading this at work, you guys. Jesus, I am laughing so hard.

    Like

  6. RachWho? says:

    I will never forgive you for that screengrab of Joey sticking his ass up in the air. I’m off to be sterilized now.

    Like

  7. Bridget says:

    I do think there should be a Full House cookbook with Danny’s Turkey in a Boot, Joey’s flounder tarts, Jesse’s fried chicken, Rebecca’s meat mountain, DJ’s Mexican food, and Michelle’s frozen orange juice on a stick. I would say to put it in the humor book section because no one would seriously make these recipes except for the orange Popsicles and Mexican food. It’s like whenever people enter the Full House they forget how to cook decent food! I think Julia Child would make terrible food if she entered that house!

    Like

  8. kt says:

    FRIDAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY! because of this website. i spent weeks reading all your archives and i’m caught up now. thank you for this service to humanity/The Internet. The other day I caught a snippet of a Full House ep featuring DJ’s post-Steve boyfriend, Viper, and I was glad that I knew someday you would watch the whole thing for me so I wouldn’t have to experience it first-hand : ).

    The screengrab of Alison being doused with salad killed me. Masterfully captured.

    Turkey in a boot sounds disgusto.

    And Stephanie and her voyeuristic date are both creepy and hilarious.

    Thank you again. Bless you.

    Like

  9. Bridget says:

    Thank you, but I forgot the Stephanie Tanner Cheese Donuts and Jesse’s grandpa’s Mouseka. I hope I spelled that right and I did have it once because a girl I know is from Macedonia.

    Like

  10. Bridget says:

    The only reason I bought 16 magazine back in the day was to read the Monkees articles. I can’t believe Davy’s been gone for a year. My mom’s friend is married to a real piece of work named David and I joke that the wrong Davids died (Nelson and Jones). All the Monkees are gonna hate their birthdays because Davy died two weeks after Peter’s b-day, a few days before Micky’s and Davy and Mike share a birthday and are like twins born three years apart to different moms.

    Like

    • Angela says:

      Just want to say “Yay!” for Monkees mentions.

      I read teen magazines back in the day, too, but weirdly, the parts that interested me the most were the letters to the editor section and any “true story” sections, where someone talked about something really scary and traumatic that happened to them. Why I liked those, I don’t know.

      Like

  11. lovetolaugh says:

    Question for Mr. Superstar:

    So I know you already spend enough time out of your precious life reviewing this show (which we all VERY much appreciate), but this is something that I’ve been quite curious about. You are hilarious in your mockery toward all of the FH characters, making it clear that Kimmy is held in higher esteem than the full house inhabitants. I was wondering though, how would you rank these characters, from most tolerable to least tolerable, at this point in the serious?

    Danny, Jesse, Joey, Aunt Becky, DJ, Stephanie, Michelle

    So I have a pretty good guess as to who least tolerable would be (JG?), but other than that, it’s hard to tell with all of the similarly heinous crap all of the others pull in a given episode. So, was just wondering out of curiosity what you thought about that. Thanks again for the laughs!

    Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      good question! ok, most to least tolerable: Becky, DJ, then a tie between Danny, Stephanie and Jesse, none of whom are at all tolerable, then Michelle, and finally, Joey, the worst human being on the planet.

      Liked by 1 person

      • lovetolaugh says:

        Hehe thanks for the reply, that seems like a pretty good assessment!

        Speaking of the horror that is Joey, I was watching an episode (they are airing reruns weeknights now) where he was doing an obnoxious Wizard of Oz bit for the kids, and I found that I couldn’t even look at the screen. I sunk back into the couch and cringed, that’s how embarrassed I felt for him. It made me wonder, am I the only one who, despite the paycheck, would never play such a ridiculous character on a television show? I mean, obviously I would play a character who was different than I really am or one that had to have annoying quirks, of course I understand the importance of taking jobs where you can get them and compromising. But I seriously think a character like Joey is pushing it for me. I know Dave Coulier got paid well to play Joey and he got fame and exposure and all of that, but people will always associate him with that character (a corny, unappealing manchild who basically has no life of his own and insists on mooching off of his best friend for at least 8 years and sharing a hallway with his three daughters) and not in a good way. Might be too much humiliation for me, I don’t know…

        Like

      • Allison says:

        DJ, Becky, Stephanie, Danny, Jesse, Joey, Michelle

        Liked by 1 person

      • As a kid, I loved this show except I really, really hated Michelle. My childhood hatred for Michelle drives much of my love for this blog. I think I was jealous of how much brattiness I was prohibited from expressing while Michelle let it all hang out there. As an adult, I also hate Danny, because he’s the one who made Michelle that way. And you make some really great points about what a terrible failure Jesse is–how he never listens to his wife or works hard at anything. I never noticed that as a kid. So now I hate Danny and Jesse as well as Michelle. I still don’t hate any of the others. Yes they’re obnoxious, but they don’t send me into a screaming rage. I guess I rank them Comet, Stephanie, Becky, Joey, DJ, Kimmy, Jesse, Danny, Michelle.

        Like

    • RachWho? says:

      That’s an awesome question. I think there should be a poll or something on this site. Here’s my votes (not that you asked for them):

      Becky
      DJ
      Jesse
      Danny
      Stephanie
      Michelle

      Joey

      Like

      • lovetolaugh says:

        Haha thanks RachWho, love how Joey is down several spaces. Poor guy, everyone needs to be loved by someone….

        Like

      • Billy Superstar says:

        yeah, i think it’s great if more people weigh in on this!

        Like

      • Melissa says:

        Ok, and this was AGONIZING since I fucking hate all of them….

        DJ
        Becky
        Jesse
        Danny
        Stephanie & Michelle (I group them together since I loathe them equally)
        Joey

        These people make me itch.

        And lovetolaugh, I saw that shitty episode just last night. What was that bitch thinking? If I saw some guy with a pristine mullet doing that lame Wizard of Oz bit I would look for the first available thing with which to kill myself. And then I watched her kiss him a little later in the episode and I couldn’t help but imagine his mouth must taste like failure and despair…. fuck this show…..

        Like

      • BGA says:

        Becky, DJ, Danny, Stephanie, Jesse, Michelle, Joey.

        Like

      • Amy says:

        Becky, DJ, Jesse, Stephanie, Danny, Joey, Michelle

        Like

      • Angela says:

        This would be my list, too. I can live with this.

        Like

      • Justin says:

        DJ (annoyed me a lot in early seasons but annoyed me less towards the end of the series)

        Stephanie (same as DJ)

        Becky (Started out cool but became worse and worse as time went on, I stopped liking her at all around the time the twins were born)

        Danny (always seemed like he was just a huge dork with some moderate mental health issues like OCD, rather than a total asshole like most of the people in the Full House, so even though he’s annoying, he annoys me less than some of the other characters)

        Jesse (Total asshole, especially to his wife and any poor soul he ever had any sort of work or business relationship with; Also, my asshole becomes one giant hemorrhoid whenever I hear “Have Mercy!”)

        Michelle (Spoiled, unfunny, and a total brat; looking like a half-chimp/half-human hybrid for the first few seasons didn’t make me like her any better either)

        Joey: (I can’t even list all the reasons I hate Joey.
        I wouldn’t just say Joey is my least favorite Full House character; I would say Joey is probably in the top 3 of my list of most hated TV characters of all time. Even when I watched Full House as a dumb little kid and thought it was a halfway decent show, I still wanted Joey to die or just go upstairs and never return, like the older brother on Happy Days or Judy on Family Matters. Also, even though uncle Jesse’s “Have Mercy!” catchphrase makes my asshole erupt into a deafening cacophony of painfully exploding hemorrhoids, I would rather listen to a looped playback of that for an entire 24 hours than listen to 30 seconds of Joey doing ANY sort of comedy routine, Pop-Eye impression, or cartoon voices, or Hell, even just hearing him speak at all).

        Like

      • LisaLu says:

        DJ
        Becky
        Comet
        Jesse
        Stephanie
        Danny
        Joey
        Nicky and Alex

        Michelle

        Like

    • Katie says:

      I added some more characters since they were originally snubbed, yet technically qualify.

      Becky
      Comet
      DJ
      Jessie
      Mop head twins
      Stephanie
      Michelle
      Joey

      Like

    • Teebore says:

      Becky
      DJ
      Stephanie
      Jermsey
      Danny

      Michelle

      Joey

      those terrible moppet kids of Jermsey’s.

      Like

      • Propanehead says:

        I know I’m late in this, but I can’t resist! You did leave a couple of characters out, though.

        TOLERABLE:
        Kimmy Gibbler (I’m so surprised no one’s included her, yet)
        Becky/DJ/Stephanie
        Steve (Not so surprised)

        SEMI-TOLERABLE:
        Vicky

        Danny

        Jesse

        LEAST TOLERABLE:

        Michelle/Joey

        Like

      • Mary says:

        Hmmm…

        Becky
        D.J.
        Jesse (despite the fact that his character is pretty useless viewed through my adult eyes, at least he’s easy on them).
        Danny
        Stephanie (as a kid, I loved her…now I want to punch her in the face for the latter half of the series)
        Stupid MopHead Babies
        Joey
        Michelle

        Joey lost by a slim margin to Michelle, who I couldn’t stand then, and hate even more now. Words cannot describe my hatred for this spoiled, monkey-faced, brat of a character. Uch. Uch. Uch. While Joey makes me cringe, he isn’t the denizen of evil that Michelle is.

        Like

    • Ashley says:

      I doubt that there is anyone who likes Joey. Not even fans of the show like Joey.
      Mine is:
      Kimmy, Becky, Steve
      DJ and Stephanie
      Danny and Jesse
      The twins
      Michelle

      Joey.

      Like

  12. Michelle's acting coach says:

    Here’s my theory on the “Rush Hour Renegades”: It’s a fake show funded by Rebecca Donaldson. Knowing Jesse would never give up his delusional music career, she pulled some strings to set him up with a fake radio show so he’d believe he was contributing financially and he’d be around when she needed sex. How else would that show still be on the air? Its target audience seems to be Beach Boys fans, troubled teens and viewers from Ranger Joe — none of whom are sought after by advertisers.

    It also helps explain why they live in the attic when they’d otherwise be pulling in two really good salaries. They’re a one income family — not two– and this year are down about $20,000 in snow cones.

    Like

  13. kenzington says:

    To be fair, the Rush Hour Renegades sound not much worse than some of the truly unfunny morning radio shows in the Los Angeles area when I was a teenager.

    Like

  14. Comet says:

    Okay Superstar, let’s play “Fuck Marry Kill” with the following…

    1) Jesse
    2) Danny
    3) Joey

    1) DJ
    2) Stephanie
    3) Michelle

    1) Granny Tanny
    2) Duckface
    3) Comet

    Like

    • KimanderEvil says:

      thank you for bringing this up!
      This first one is too easy
      Fuck: Jesse
      Marry: Danny
      Kill: Joey

      This one is tougher (’cause it is totally pedo)

      F:DJ
      M: Michelle
      K: Stephanie

      This was surprisingly easy, gross but easy.
      F: Granny Tanny
      M: Duckface
      K: Comet

      Like

      • Angela says:

        I would switch Michelle and Stephanie around in the second one, myself, as well as Duckface and Comet in the third, mainly ’cause the idea of (theoretically) killing a dog makes me sad.

        Like

    • Richard says:

      Fuck Jesse
      marry Danny
      kill Joey

      Fuck DJ (only cause she’s closest to being legal)
      Marry Steph
      Kill Michelle

      Fuck Granny Tranny
      Marry Comet
      Kill Duckface

      Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      ok, i’ll do it.

      fuck jesse, marry danny, kill joey. (i think that this would be pretty much anyone’s answer)

      for the second set i will assume this applies to now, otherwise it’s too fucked up.

      marry dj, fuck stephanie (i’ve never touched a fake boob so at least there’d be some novelty to it), kill michelle

      fuck granny tanny (since she’s the only one with a vagina), marry duckface (i’d have to move to a different state), kill comet

      Like

      • dangertime says:

        You’d really rather marry Duckface? Being married to a dog wouldn’t be much different than owning a dog (except you’d probably have to confer with the dog before getting a new credit card) and Golden Retrievers rarely live past the age of 12 so it would be a pretty short lived marriage.

        On the other hand, Duckface is probably pulling in a pretty good accountant’s salary by now.

        Liked by 1 person

      • jbeeee says:

        This thread is amazing and has me laughing so hard, I’m crying. Genius!

        Like

      • The Venerable Bede says:

        Definitely agreed on your second one. Jodie Sweetin–regardless of the fake breasts, which I personally find unattractive–is HOT.

        Like

    • Stacy says:

      I find it oddly and funnily coincidental that you are suggesting the fuck/marry/kill game for this show based in SF because I played this game on the trolley (or are they streetcars? can’t remember which they are officially) in San Francisco the one time I was there (as an adult). My friends and I were really into it and others nearby seemed to appreciate the game as well. Some others even joined in to weigh in their opinions. The most popular debate was when we debated the Golden Girls (that one got even more mileage because we could do different combos).

      And I want to play:

      We’re all unanimous with fuck Jesse, marry Danny and kill Joey.

      Hmmm, for the girls, I’m picturing them as adults but with their characters’ personalities NOT their own personalities (which would make a difference in my answer), so I’d go with fuck Stephanie, marry DJ and kill Michelle. (If we were basing it off their real life personalities from what I understand I’d probably fuck DJ as I think she’s attractive but I wouldn’t be able to deal with the Jesus freak stuff and marry Stephanie. Though I’m not sure if this is accurate when you factor in the Olsens’ net worth. Depends on the whole prenup thing. Man I’ve over thought this! lol).

      Finally, I’d marry Comet (it would definitely be a sexless marriage) as Goldens are my favorite breed of purebred dog, hmmm, the next is more difficult, probably fuck Granny Tanny and kill that muthfucka Duckface.

      Like

    • LisaLu says:

      F:Jesse
      M:Danny(ew)
      K:Joey

      F:DJ
      M:Stephanie
      K:Michelle

      F:Granny Tanny(Ew)
      M:Comet
      K:That muthafucka Duckface

      Like

  15. Melissa says:

    So, I saw an episode the other day, and Kimmy had this boyfriend, I am pretty sure his name is Dwayne? Correct me if I am wrong. This guy is probably my favorite Full House character…. even with as dumb as he is, he is still funnier and smarter than the denizens of the full house….

    Like

  16. Papouli says:

    I’m pretty sure the turkey in a boot is actually a giant glazed donut.

    Like

  17. Bridget says:

    Oh, I wouldn’t kill Comet! He was adorable in that hat DJ forced him to wear before she went to Mexico. All goldens want is to be hugged and kissed and stroked. I sound like the Abominable Snowman from “Bugs Bunny.”. As for food, I thought of Becky’s green Jello soup.

    Like

  18. SaCha1689 says:

    I remember during the dinner scene, Jesse was going out of his way to prove to Alison he’s sensitive and gentlemanly and all that, so he bragged about putting the twins to bed and then offered to do dishes or something. When he asked asked Becky to tell Alison how often he offers to do dishes, she says, “Counting now? Once.” Clearly she would have no part in that charade.

    Like

  19. Bridget says:

    My mom used to call our dog Buddy her “lova” like that SNL skit with Will Farrell and Rachel Dratch and I always thought my dad would run off to Aruba with my late dog Daisy when she was alive.

    Like

  20. navarro says:

    I’d fuck the Olsen twins when they were like 17/18. Jodie sweetin is far and I can’t stand dj, what she looks like and what she acts like.

    Like

  21. Collin says:

    My favorite aspect of this episode (other than the concept of “turkey in a boot”) has always been Joey’s weird purple jacket. Is he Willy Wonka?

    Like

  22. Teebore says:

    Danny prepares a complex meal that he refers to as “turkey in a boot” for what’s-her-name in commemoration of him making it for her on their first date.

    Did we ever see that? Is the show calling back on its own history, or is that an unseen retcon?

    Also, I can’t believe that I didn’t catch last time that she’s played by OG MTV VJ Martha Quinn.

    Who had to have lost some street cred for this, right?

    Joey pleads with Jesse to prove that he can be respectful towards women during the dinner so that he can fuck her.

    What odd stakes for a first date. I need *you* to be respectful towards a woman so *I* can bang her.

    I think that Steve’s incessant eating must be an outlet for his sexual frustration.

    Gotta eat something, amiright? 😉

    …she needs DJ to direct her…

    How typically sticom-y…

    Alison is forced to recognize that her seemingly-asexual employee actually invited her over so he could bang her so she makes a quick attempt to excuse herself.

    Ah, he tricked her. That makes sense. I was wondering why she agreed to the date in the first place. But of course, she didn’t know it was a date!

    Josh and Stephanie stare at DJ and Steve as they make out on the back porch

    Judging by the screen shot, that’s not hyperbole.

    Didn’t Stephanie go on a date with that baseball kid who was mad because she was a better player than him? Or was that just a matter of school yard shenanigans.

    Like

  23. lovetolaugh says:

    Billy Superstar,

    I want to wish you a wonderful, happy Thanksgiving 🙂 I am quite thankful for the laughs you give us every Friday, as I’m sure every other reader/commenter is. Truly, thank you for the work you do to provide entertainment. Have a great time celebrating, hope you can enjoy a delicious meal without being taunted by memories of the Turkey Boot. Wishing you a great holiday,

    Appreciative FHR reader

    Like

  24. Bridget says:

    Billy, have a great Thanksgiving! Remember to cook your turkey long enough or you’ll be giving two married ladies with a hot turkey $300.00 or so dollars for their food. Maybe all your blog readers will make turkey in a boot and didn’t those 3 morons think to buy Stovetop Stuffing and make that? It’s as good as regular homemade stuffing and if you buy the big box, you’ll have plenty of it.

    Like

  25. Corny Robot says:

    Poor Martha Quinn. She’s so gorgeous and they totally ruined her! So, so sad.

    Like

  26. mercury says:

    here’s my personal ranking
    DJ
    Becky
    the twin boys (boring as hell but otherwise harmless)
    tie between Jesse and Danny
    Stephanie
    tie between Michelle and Joey. i seriously think they both deserve the title of the worst people on FH and possibly the planet.

    Like

  27. e_x_i_t says:

    “Stephanie tries to downplay the situation but DJ assures her that Josh totally wants it, which makes Stephanie nervous.”

    What’s even better is that not only was DJ wrong, the boy flat out rejects her and proves how unfuckable Stephanie really is.

    Like

  28. Dawn says:

    Like I’ve mentioned before I’m rewatching the eps on Nick & reading the archives as I watch I must say wen Allison came over to the full house I was so distracted by her red dress & how sickengly skinny she is Now we kno where the Olden twins got their views on body image-her teeny body her teeny tiny legs I was so distracted she looked emaciated. Joey certainly would’ve crushed her! That’s y she ran! I don’t kno where I’m going with this I just wanted to point out this huge distraction

    Like

  29. tinkerbeth says:

    “Either way, I can no longer claim that Alison is my favorite character.”

    Well damn that was short lived! At least it took a few seasons for rad, sensible Rebecca Donaldson to turn into nutty, lame Aunt Becky. Allison lasted like less than twenty minutes. Maybe the full house gets stronger as it sucks the common sense and will to leave out of its ever increasing number of inhabitants…

    Like

  30. Caitlin says:

    I like this episode … 🙂

    Like

  31. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    I feel bad for Steph in this episode. Clearly this Josh character is gay and she’s going out of her way to impress him. And unless she’s one of those fat chicks that Uncle Jesse is talking about, then what the fuck is Josh’s problem? Likes zee cock?

    Like

  32. John Q says:

    I thought Joey was doing an Edith Bunker imitation instead of Olive Oil.

    I really don’t know how or why she didn’t infer that Joey was asking her out?? Why in the world would Joey think he was asking his manager out on a date only to be dinner at the Tanner’s house and some f-uped “Turkey on a boot” thing??? Then in the end Alison never thought of it as a date?? I don’t get it. I guess they couldn’t even figure a way to write the dialogue for that conversation because it happens off screen. The whole premise is so convoluted.

    Why would she even agree to such an offer if she clearly can’t stand Jesse? And why doesn’t she just fire his ass on the spot???

    And how could Danny have known that Joey was bringing a guest with him?

    And then are the girls that dumb or deaf that they didn’t hear the boy say they were having pizza with the whole team and this clearly wasn’t a date??? And then they don’t even sit with the team. Oh man how awkward.

    And what’s up with the Steve character? He actually ate the leftover food from somebody else’s table. He eats all the Tanner food, he went home to eat, yet this is t.v. so the character never gains weight. This show is so odd in that some of the characters are written with odd quirks but they’re all insanely obsessive about their quirks to the point of addiction.

    I love how Michelle doesn’t eat diner yet nobody cares.

    Like

    • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

      Steve has zero manners. Which is why he is the ying to the oldest stepchild’s yang.

      Josh is in the closet, so where they sit is a moot point. Ultimately, you have to feel for the middle stepchild.

      Working in radio professionally for six years, he would’ve been fired on the spot. Sensitivity training would be imminent for the rest of us. And in a world of Entercom, and Clear Channel, one call from Operations to corporate and it would be like “thank you.” You got yourself a lawsuit and a damaged reputation, because San Francisco isn’t like New York or LA. It’s a top ten market, but it’s still a secondary market.

      Like

    • Bubba the Turtle says:

      Seriously, WTF is the premise of Steve being on the wrestling team about? Have the writers ever known anyone who’s participated in wrestling? Those guys are always starving themselves, spitting in a cup, and forcing themselves to vomit to cut weight before weigh-in. Yet another inconsistency on this horsepile of a show.

      Although I’m pretty sure Mary Kate and Ashley picked up wrestling eating habits somehow.

      Like

  33. Jen says:

    Well, of course Michelle doesn’t have dinner with them. Her diet consists entirely of cake and cookies.

    Like

  34. CanOx says:

    Ahahahahahaha TLC, best line.

    Like

  35. CanOx says:

    Also anyone realize Dwayne was in Wonder Years, he played Wayne’s friend who went to Vietnam then came back all messed up from the war. His name was Wart.

    Like

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