Season 6, Episode 15, “Be True to Your Preschool”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Stephanie and Michelle read DJ’s diary and have a real good laugh about it.

Jesse, Becky and the twins hang out with some other married couple that we’ve never seen on the show before who have a baby.  The shtick is that the married couples’ kid, Cooper, is hella smarter than the twins.  Coopers’ parents go on a big long thing about how important preschool is and how it’s gonna effect their kids whole lives and stuff, which makes a big impression on Jesse.  It’s weird to see them find a really precocious, articulate little kid to play the role of Cooper.  It’s like they’re actually going out of their way to point out to us that the twins are just two regular ass dumb kids that shouldn’t be on tv.  The scene ends with Cooper singing the alphabet and he sounds like he’s in a trance or something but the audience still goes, “aww,” but only a little bit.  I don’t know, you guys.  These Full House reviews are finally really getting to me.  I think I might actually lose my shit this time.

Just as Danny prepares to leave the full house for a bike ride, Kimmie Gibbler comes over and tells everybody that she just got her drivers license.  The girls all want to go out driving with her in he brother Garth’s car, “wild thing,” but Danny aint havin’ it.  DJ points out that Kimmie Gibbler is actually a hella good ass driver so Danny decides to take her out on the road to test those claims.

Jesse comes home with an application for the preschool that Cooper is going to go to and reviews it with Becky.  Joey comes in and tells Becky that he just put her whites and colored laundry together and then he doesn’t even give a fuck when she runs downstairs in a panic to check on the damage that he’s done.  Instead Joey just casually hangs around and convinces Jesse that it would be a good idea to lie on the applications because his babies are a couple of fucking simpletons, just like all the rest of the assholes in the full house.  At least I can give this scenario some credit for addressing Jesse’s concern over his kids getting into a good school so they don’t end up like him, getting a night school high school diploma in their 30’s.  That’s about as understandable and complex a motivation as any character has ever had on this show.

Meanwhile, Danny comes home and admits that Kimmie Gibbler is actually a hella good driver and so he gives her permission to take the girls out in her brother’s car.

Becky comes home and tells Jesse that the twins have an interview at the fancy preschool.  Jesse gets all worried because I guess he didn’t realize that his kids would have to go to an interview-much less actually attend the school-to back up his spurious claims about their mental proficiency, which in and of itself is quite a testament to what fucking dimwit stock those poor doomed twins come from.

As soon as they arrive at the fancy preschool, Jesse admits to Becky that he told a bunch of lies on the kids’ applications.  Before she can react, they’re greeted by a representative from the school who seats them and then goes into the other room, where she sits down behind a two-way mirror with another woman and tells her, “let’s observe them through the two-way mirror to see how they relate to the children.”  Why would she need to explain that to this other woman?  Isn’t it her job to do this?  She’s already sitting behind the two-way mirror with a clipboard.  Also, what a fucking creepy thing to do.

Anyway, it doesn’t even really end up mattering at all because all they do with the two-way mirror set-up is show Jesse picking a hunk of walnut out of his teeth in front of it while the women watch.  Inspired!

The interview with the representative from the school consists of Jesse either being really pushy or stammering through half-assed explanations until Becky finally admits that they lied on their applications.  The representative is like, “no shit,” but doesn’t seem to care, probably because they can afford to enroll the kids in the school.  The representative actually says that them lying on the application only shows that they want what’s best for their kids, which is yet another deeply skewed interpretation of someone’s amoral behavior on this show.

Kimmie Gibbler and the girls go out cruising in her brothers car while listening to “Wild Thing” on the radio and I kept waiting for there to be a disclaimer that read, “just in case you forgot that white people have no rhythm” on the bottom of the screen while they were jamming out.  The girls spot a bunch of nerds from the chess team and decide to mock them by getting out and running in circles around their car.  Yeah, I don’t get it, either.  But the jokes on them because they lock themselves out of the car, which the nerds think is pretty funny.  Hey, I just noticed that this is like one of the only times ever that they’ve had a scene that takes place out in the city.  I’m pretty sure that this is actually L.A. though.  Anyway, the girls all sit on the curb in defeat while the car is left running in the middle of an intersection and then all of a sudden Danny pulls up on his bike.  Pretty convenient!  But not entirely implausible, as he was talking about going out for a bike ride in an earlier scene.  Never you mind that this is supposed to take place the next day.

Anyway, Danny scolds the girls for abusing the privilege and responsibility of driving and then he tells them that they have to walk home, then they all just leave the car there, still running, in the middle of an intersection.  Somebody is totally gonna break the window and steal that car, you guys.  And frankly they should, because you can’t just leave a car in the middle of an intersection like that.  Purely for convenience, no other cars appear, but even still!  The only creative invention that ever goes into this show is all the new ways that are devised for the Tanner’s to be a total inconvenience to everyone around them.

Jesse works relentlessly to drill knowledge into his children’s thick skulls to make up for his own wasted life, but is unable to offer them much guidance after failing to properly label a pentagon, which he refers to as a “five-side-agon.”  The boys throw the pentagon block at his head and then kiss his injury, which makes the audience go, “aww,” and then Jesse realizes that he’s pushing them too hard, which is more likely just him giving up due to his inability to put a sustained effort towards anything.  Michelle comes upstairs with a letter from the fancy preschool but Jesse and Becky decide that it doesn’t matter whether or not they got in and throw it away.  Literally two seconds later, they pick it out of the trash and find out that the twins were admitted, but then they decide not to admit them anyway.  Wait, why?  What’s the lesson there?  Don’t send your kids to a good school?  What the fuck did I just watch?  Usually this shows morals are heavy-handed and overly-simplified, but this time I’m not even sure what I was supposed to be told to think.

I don’t know, you guys.  I usually try to just stick to the reviews but I gotta tell you that this shit is really killing me.  This is the most difficulty I’ve ever had with just sitting and watching the show.  It’s been so bad for so long, but somehow it just keeps getting worse.  It is physically hurting me to write these Full House reviews.

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70 Responses to Season 6, Episode 15, “Be True to Your Preschool”

  1. magellan333 says:

    Great review Billy! I do feel your pain. I will sometimes watch older season reruns so I may read your reviews with renewed knowledge of the episode. Even though I know I have a scathing review awaiting me at the episodes completion, tolterating those thirty minutes can be a real chore. Maybe you just need a break? Even professional athletes have an off season. Perhaps you could revisit Saved By The Bell for a few weeks. After commenting on the absurdity that filled the halls of Bayside High, you might be refreshed enough to resume your assault on the Tanner household and the continuation of the literary genius that brightens the Friday mornings of so many.


  2. lovetolaugh says:

    What the fuck did I just watch? Usually this shows morals are heavy-handed and overly-simplified, but this time I’m not even sure what I was supposed to be told to think.

    Billy Superstar, I’m pretty sure this is what you’re supposed to think: Jersey has no problem lying, embellishing and cheating in order to validate his own existence and get what he wants, even if it means taking an opportunity away from somebody much more deserving, but at the end of the day he is too lazy to follow through, even when his selfishness and entitlement unrealistically yield the desired results.

    Nothing you didn’t already know. 🙂


  3. Kelvin Thompson says:

    Hi. My name is Kelvin. I’ve been a fan of your blog for a couple of weeks and after how far you’ve come, I’d like to strongly urge you not to give up on these reviews. They make my friday and a lot of other people’s fridays; it’s delightful to see you skew a cultural icon that’s gone uncriticized for a rather long time. As someone who grew up on the show, I love seeing you tear it apart at its weak spots. Please, continue with the blog.


  4. Bridget says:

    Billy, sometimes you gotta play through the pain. No one rewards deception in real life on job applications or anywhere else. The only place embellishments get rewarded are on TV commercials with advertisements saying their products are the greatest thing since sliced bread. I think the preschool directors should have up and rejected Uncle Jesse’s application because as the lady said very few 2 year olds are proficient on the large instrument I forgot what she called it. You want to see a very bright 2 year old, watch “Pearl the Landlord.”. I never saw Michelle as very bright because anyone could repeat one-liners if they are given the incentive to!


  5. FeministPrincess says:

    I agree with one of the above comments, maybe take a break and write a Saved by the Bell review. I really enjoyed that one! But please don’t stop writing! I know it’s painful, but I LOVE your writing! And eagerly await Friday morning every week to see what you have written! Thanks for the reviews and all your hard work and creativity!


    • Hypno Hustler says:

      Your SBTB entry is how I stumbled upon this blog! Maybe a similar one-off could lead to more peeps discovering FHR, while also giving you a mental break. And I’m finally all caught up with the archives and looking forward to reading my first freshly-published review tomorrow. Keep up the great work, bro!


  6. Rudy Zoltec says:

    Only 43 weeks until my favorite episode!

    (Hint: Gibbler shows us how real people actually party)


    • cerebralPaulz says:

      I don’t remember these episodes anymore, I stopped watching after the twins were born because I hate them so God damn much. Are you referring to some ‘very special’ episode?


  7. Papouli says:

    I would have like to have seen the expression on Kimmie’s brother Garth’s face when she told him that his car was stopped & running in the middle of an intersection somewhere.


  8. Jeremy says:

    I love how they decide to Make fun of the chess club. They do it in a weird and stupid way, but they’re supposed to be these sweet straight laced kids, but they still fucking attack people for no reason.


  9. cerebralPaulz says:

    So… nothing changed, no lessons were learned, and no one suffered any consequences for being assholes. I just realized why I find this show equally repulsive and fascinating, it’s a mirror of my life only I’m always Garth.


    • Bri says:

      But you’re forgetting – the girls had to WALK HOME!!! The humanity! Did Danny even bother to ask them WHY they got out of the car and ran around it? Did they tell him they were making fun of the nerds? Did he not think they deserved to be reprimanded for that? Or did he just not bother to ask why they’d do something to moronic?


  10. Bridget says:

    I think the twin dullards were accepted because the director of the school probably thought of Albert Einstein. When he was a kid, Einstein’s teachers thought he was challenged, but he grew up and could use 10% of his brain’s potential, whereas everyone else uses 3-5%. Maybe the director thought that kids were hiding their real potential underneath a dull exterior.


  11. Comet says:

    F**k, Marry, Kill

    1) Frankie and Annette
    2) The Beach Boys
    3) Wayne Newton

    1) Steve
    2) Ricky the Paper Boy
    3) Bitterman

    1) Vulture (Uncle Jesse)
    2) Lumberjack Jess (Uncle Jesse)
    3) The Professor (Uncle Jesse)


  12. Phil says:

    Have you ever seen The Great Outdoors? There’s this scene where John Candy is challenged to eat a 96 oz steak in order to get a free meal. So he’s chowing down, and at first it’s pretty easy, and he’s having a big laugh. But the scene drags on, and he’s obviously getting more bloated and uncomfortable, until you begin to feel an empathetic pain with every bite. He’s not enjoying himself, and likely bringing on a coronary episode, yet everyone keeps cheering him on. Until he takes a final excruciating bite and is just left with the gristle and fat. And at this point the restaurant guy let’s him know that the gristle and fat is part of the deal. So I kinda feel like the restaurant guy when I say: You aint done yet.


  13. seasoned salt says:

    I remember this episode for the dumb little details like Jesse calling himself “Ambassador Katsopolis” on the application and saying his kids were proficient on the bassoon. It’s funny cos I played bassoon all through high school and some parts of college. Also, it’s funny cos bassoon.


    • Becki says:

      Seasoned salt, my daughter is learning to play the Bassoon. She has played the Flute and Piccolo for years. She is also the Field commander at her high school. I really hate how tv sitcoms usually portray the Nerd Characters as being in the school band, or playing a instrument like the Bassoon. Those people don’t realize how much time and hard work and dedication it takes to play any instrument. I’m sorry I went off on a rant. I just realized that the shit that happens on Full House pisses me off. My apologies.


  14. Adam says:

    It’s weird realizing I’ve been reading this blog for YEARS now. And he’s not even on the season 7 I bought him yet. The slow, gentle decline into insanity is an expected and understandable change. Billy, I know you’re in PDX, if you ever need someone to buy you a beer then I’m your guy.


  15. Sean Herron says:

    It’s a wonder that you haven’t ate a bullet having to watch this vapid dog shit. But if you make it thru this, you can have the satisfaction of burning the DVDs when finished.

    That seems like a fair reward……………….or a justified one.


    • SaCha1689 says:

      Maybe sell the DVDs on eBay and get a monetary reward for this self-inflicted mental torture. Or I imagine they could make pretty interesting Christmas tree ornaments.


      • Bubba the Turtle says:

        This would work. Back when I worked retail we would get these CDs of awful Christmas music from corporate that we would have to play all day everyday from about Halloween on. Every Christmas Eve, the second we closed, I would take those holiday CDs out and burn the fuck out of them with my lighter. Then they went home and became mangled ornaments on the tree. A testament to months of aural displeasure suffered at the altar of holiday consumerism.

        I’d imagine those DVDs could be your mangled trophies as well.


  16. Bri says:

    No matter how much money Aunt Becky makes, no school would accept this family. Moron children with lying, manipulating parents… no school wants to deal with that shit. And come on, your toddlers are proficient on bassoon? His lies aren’t even on this planet. My god, this show is just awful.


  17. Bridget says:

    Not to mention the fact that Jesse and Joey said the twins were multi-lingual and I don’t remember if one of their languages was Mandarin or something along those lines?


    • navarro says:

      They said they were “unbelievably lingual” on the application


      • Bubba the Turtle says:

        I’d imagine that Jersey would put down something like “my boys are cunning linguists, just like their old man…amirite?”

        Of course, that would require a level of clever wordplay that Jersey’s HS dropout ass would be completely unable to attain. Not to mention actually having to give a shit about his wife’s satisfaction.


  18. Bri says:

    Also, I’m watching the episode now, and there are totally a few points in that early scene where the kids are playing with the big Lego blocks… where the twins pull grass out of the ground and you can actually see the big mat of fake grass lift up. This show was so lazy and cheap they couldn’t try to get a shot where that DOESN’T happen? For crying out loud…


    • Kayla says:

      When Jesse threw the acceptance letter in the trash they cut to show just the garbage can with the paper going in. His shot was no where near the can.


  19. Ben says:

    The next one’s a real doozy…it’s the one where Michelle actually thought she and Steve got married.

    You could make a reboot of Full House that wasn’t played as a family comedy. It would be the sad tale of a young father grieving the death of his wife. Thinking they would help with raising his kids, he lets his college friend (still chasing a comedy career despite a lack of talent) and brother-in-law sponge off him and chase their increasingly delusional dreams of stardom. Have Jesse go on a Nate Fisher from Six Feet Under arc (they both really never mature even though they try to convince themselve they’re family men). Later on, it becomes apparent that Michelle has cognitive deficiencies.


  20. Ryan says:

    Please don’t give up on this, Billy. Take a break for a week or two if you need it. I commend you for actually reviewing this pile of shit for as long as you have.


  21. Bridget says:

    Billy, take a bath like Homer Simpson did with bubbles, lit candles, and Churchhill Downs Horse Tranquilizers. This will calm you down when you watch FH and when the tranquilizers wear off, you can use your weakly venom to demolish the show.


  22. zashavonbraun says:

    I don’t care what you write as long as it comes with your angry rants and you have it up on Fridays. I’d read saved by the bell reviews, too. I would like to see this blog make it all the way through each season, but there is no reason you should’t take a hiatus from FHR if you are losing interest. I don’t read your blog for the review of a dumb show from my childhood, I read it because of your extreme incredulity that pop culture let this garbage fly for so long. That kind of response can be aimed at any cultural phenomenon so don’t feel like you have to limit yourself for FHR’s sake.


  23. Lisa says:

    In order to taunt some Chess Club nerds, DJ and Kimmy get out of their car and run around it …WITH TODDLERS!! How tough and cool can you be while toting your dumb little sisters around with you??


  24. tobiagorrio says:

    I remember reading that the creator of the show, Jeff Franklin, left after the fifth season and left it in the hands of new showrunners starting this season. Could that be one reason why it’s more difficult to watch? I don’t remember the differences among seasons that well, but maybe with Franklin running the show it was bad in a personal, idiosyncratic way, while now it’s bad and impersonal.


  25. Teebore says:

    I love the little detail that, odd nerd-mocking shenanigans aside, Kimmie actually is a good driver. Further proof she’s the real star of a better show running in the background of this one.

    Also, we can now check the “freak out about preschool and do crazy unrealistic stuff to get your kid into one” cliche off the scorecard. They’ve burning through these lately!

    Joey comes in and tells Becky that he just put her whites and colored laundry together

    Jeez, Joey does Becky’s laundry? If I was Jermsey, I wouldn’t want that hideous man-child anywhere near my hot wife’s underwear.

    The representative actually says that them lying on the application only shows that they want what’s best for their kids

    Huh. I wonder if college admissions in the Full House universe work the same way?


    • lovetolaugh says:

      Teebore, it always makes me laugh when you call Jesse “Jermsey,” I don’t even know why. 🙂 How did that originate?


      • Teebore says:

        I honestly can’t remember the specifics – well, sort of.

        Basically, there was an earlier episode where some character mistakenly referred to Jesse as Jersey, so me and Dr. Bitz and a few other regular commenters took to referring to him as such in our comments.

        Then there was another episode, the one where his Greek family comes to visit, where he’s called Hermes (or we learn that’s his real name or something like that), so “Jersey” got combined with “Hermes” to form “Jermsey”.

        Or something like that. I try not to remember too many of the details of this show.🙂


      • lovetolaugh says:



  26. Casey says:

    Cooper looks like a very young Keanu Reeves


  27. Bridget says:

    My neighbors across the way have a yellow lab named Cooper and he and my golden Buddy said hello to each other in the doggy way and they played together for a little while.


  28. The Venerable Bede says:

    I think it’s very possible that some psych grad student one day could use this blog to do a dissertation on what this show has done to your sanity.


  29. Joe says:

    PLEASE do one of these for boy meets world! It would be new and there is soooo much material there!


  30. Liz says:

    It seems so out of place to have a cute, well-spoken child on this show.


  31. Leslie says:

    For some reason, I seem to remember that the woman interviewing the doofus parents of the unintelligible twinsies was the principal of another show w/twinsies, Beverly Hills 90210,,,not sure if I remember correctly or not….


    • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

      It seems that all of the guest stars ended up in Beverly Hills…

      …That’s where they wanted to be…Guest starring on Beverly Hills


  32. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    Were chickenlegs’s feet really that rank? Or did the family overreact whenever she would take her shoes off?

    I understand that this little shit was obnoxious in all (barging into this family’s home and eating their food), but was she not allowed to take her shoes off if her feet hurt and shit?

    And Josef couldn’t get into Bouton Hall and he was fourteen? I wish that he were dragged to death by a bus. And we the taxpayers would charge him for HIS blood that is dragged across the street.


  33. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    There’s been a lot of talk recently about “Nerd Minstrel Shows.”

    I recently voiced my opinion via telegram and Facebook that the “Big Bang Theory” was a “Nerd Minstrel Show.” I told this particular friend that calling the Big Bang Theory a Nerd Minstrel Show was a slight overreaction. That’s like calling Amos n’ Andy a “MINSTREL…Minstrel Show,” when in actuality it should have been remembered for what it was. The black Laurel and Hardy.

    Full House and Saved by the Bell? Those are the two prime examples of “Nerd Minstrel Shows.” Obnoxious portrayals of people who study quantum physics. Is it any wonder that all the kids who are cool are all nerds who wear glasses? I’m disgusted.


  34. John Q says:

    What the hell was the point of this episode? They go through all that trouble and then they don’t want the kids to go to that school?? WTF? It’s like a zen riddle or something.

    You should have included a picture of Gibbler making fun of Danny in his spandex bike pants. How long was Danny’s bike ride 2 days?? It’s also pretty convenient Danny just happened to be ridding his bike as they locked themselves out of the car.

    How were they “mocking the chess club” by running around the car with 2 little kids? I didn’t get that, Am I missing something. They looked like idiots.

    It’s pretty disturbing that Joey is washing Rebecca’s clothes. “Jesse, I’m missing some of my bras and panties, have you seen them”?

    Those girls have the worst diets, it’s like every other comment out of their mouth is about pizza or ice cream.

    Isn’t it kind of disturbing that the school had a 2 way mirror?? What was that about? and they were just supposed to wait for lady, it’s pretty convenient they got into some hi-jinx so the lady could observe them. So they condoned his lying because he wanted what was best for the kids?? What?


  35. Melody says:

    Pre-Credits Gag: Stephanie and Michelle read DJ’s diary and have a real good laugh about it.” — My mom did something like this to me . . . twice. The first time, she just sat me down for a humiliating talk; the second time, she SHOWED people the stuff I had written, completely behind my back. It wasn’t until these people I didn’t even know started coming up to me to talk about my totally personal problems that she confessed to it. I can’t stand the Tanner family’s “We all share everything, we have no secrets, you should be more generous when your snotty little sisters sneak into your room when you’re out and steal your clothes and jewelry.” Even in the books (I read a few since my new town was seriously lacking in reading material and I hadn’t discovered FHR yet), DJ goes on a school trip and Stephanie and Michelle fight over who gets to stay in DJ’s room and use her private phone — and no one, at any point, even Danny, asks DJ if any of this is okay with her.

    . . . That was long, and I haven’t even read past the pre-credits gag sentence yet.

    Second, I normally avoid blogs, sites, and commenters who swear, but you’ve turned it into something I can enjoy. That’s a feat my mother and brothers have been trying to accomplish for years, so, congratulations!🙂

    The representative actually says that them lying on the application only shows that they want what’s best for their kids” — And yet another ‘wrong’ is made to look ‘right’ because ‘good intentions’ are behind the act. Kind of like Danny bribing Stephanie and Michelle with raises and advances on their allowances to say they like Vikki’s cooking, and Vikki should be mad at Danny for doing that but isn’t, because of course he didn’t want his rude children to hurt her feelings and she thinks that’s sweet instead of a ploy to get her into bed. It also sucks that she makes Danny do the dishes to ‘repay’ her for being a dink and you can tell by his orgasmic sigh that doing the dishes is a reward, not a punishment, because he’s Danny Tanner, the boy who wanted to be a maid when he grew up.

    Jesse realizes that he’s pushing them too hard, which is more likely just him giving up due to his inability to put a sustained effort towards anything” . . . “but then they decide not to admit them anyway. Wait, why? What’s the lesson there?” — I think the point of Jesse and Becky deciding against letting their kids go to that fancy school is that no matter how incompetent a member of the family is, you love them anyway.

    Or, “I don’t practice what I really should preach, so I’m going to say nothing and take no action and hope no one notices what a total hypocrite I am.”

    It ‘helps’ that lying and being lazy (he makes no attempt to teach the twins anything Cooper proved he could do) got his kids into that school — maybe he thinks that sitting back and watching the kids eat glue will also magically get them into a good college.


  36. methylmercury says:

    I kinda hate myself for saying that but the Olsen twin in the first pic looks almost cute. Maybe it’s just the contrast to how awkward and homely Stephanie has become.


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