8 Predictions for Fuller House

Why, oh why, is there going to be more Full House? It’s the worst 90’s throwback since the invasion of Iraq.  Never in my wildest dreams did it occur to me that there would ever be more of this shit.  And yet, here we all are.

Starting next week, I’ll be reviewing every episode of Fuller House, just like how I reviewed all of the original series except not ten years after the fact.  I thought I ought to write an initial post to get back in the groove and give y’all a heads up that FHR would be coming back (I sure do get asked that a lot, even in comments on posts where I explicitly state that, yes, I will be reviewing Fuller House.  I bet that this post gets at least one comment that asks that) and a look ahead seemed like the best way to get back in the saddle.  At the time that I’m posting this, Fuller House should have just become streamable on Netflix, but I’m happy to say that I haven’t watched it yet.  Maybe this post is really just me holding on to those brief final moments of my life before seeing the Full House revival.  I’m just holding on to this moment, before things get bad again.

It goes without saying that this 20-years-later return to the worst sitcom of all time will be terrible. The question is not about what level of quality we can expect, but rather just what the particularities of the awfulness will be. Here are my speculations about what we should anticipate as we emotionally prepare ourselves for the return of the greatest atrocity in American history:

fuller-house-01

1) It Will Be Bland

Remember that Boy Meet’s World follow-up, Girl Meet’s World? I decided to check it out for the sake of curiosity, and because it was streaming on Netflix. I only made it through one episode, and only managed that because I was reading stuff on my phone the whole time (ironically, the episode was all about the folly of smart phones and how those damn kids these days should be going to the library instead). My point is that, once you work past the initial intrigue or curiosity that’s built into these kinds of throwback shows, there’s usually not much there. Sure, I’m curious to see just how poorly Dave Coulier has aged, but after that 2-second intake, what more will this show have to offer? If I want to see Uncle Joey do his stupid fucking Bullwinkle impression for the ten millionth time, I can just watch an old episode (I mean, I don’t, and I wouldn’t, but I could if I did). A lot of these nostalgia cash-ins seems to be more of a reminder to revisit the old thing rather than an incentive to see what’s currently being made. Unfortunately, most people who will find themselves checking out old episodes of Full House for the first time in a decade will very likely be horrified to realize what a pile of garbage they wasted their youth watching. Full House has aged as poorly as Dave Coulier’s withered mug.

Fuller House will fail to fully establish itself as either Full House Season 29 or as a whole new show. It will be self-referential, but it wont be self-aware enough, it wont update any old ideas (I mean…what ideas?), it wont say or do anything new. It will probably be less obnoxious than the old series, but more hollow as well. That overbearing, confrontational arrogance was pretty much the only stand out quality the original series had. Instead of grating moments that makes you want to tear your hair out, Fuller House will have bland scenes that you wont even remember.

Ultimately, Fuller House will underwhelm, and most people who bother to check it out wont make it past the second episode.

2) No People of Color

Full House is a show by, for and about white people. It takes place in the Bay Area, one of the most ethnically diverse places in the world, and yet it is a total cracker fest. Back in the 90’s you could get away with having an all white cast on tv (you practically had to) without any criticism. Well, those days are over. I’m really curious to see what the twitter hashtag that condemns this show for being nothing but a collective of super lilly white honkeys will be. My guess is something like #FullofWhitePrivilegeHouse. I can’t wait!

Full House is a show about white privilege, so much so that it fails to recognize that any other kind of person exists. Even the token ethnic friends that showed up every now and again were at least half white. Think about this, you guys: the blackest person to ever set foot in the Full House was Urkel. That’s right, Urkel.

3) No One Will Have Made Any Personal Progress

As we revisit the Tanner family and the hangers-on who have managed to leech off of their success (Joey, Jesse), we will be met with no surprises whatsoever in regards to how anyone has changed in the years since we were last subjected to their antics. This won’t be played for laughs, and it wont be a sobering reflection on how people don’t really progress and are bound forever to make the same mistakes and do the same annoying shit. This will happen because these are tragically underdeveloped characters, and there’s just not that much else that can be done with them. Danny will still be an obsessive compulsive cleaner because what else could he possibly do? Joey will still do a bunch of terrible impressions all the time, and it still wont make any sense at all why he’s involved with this family.   Wouldn’t it be nice if Joey returned to television having learned not to spit in people’s faces all the time? Or if any of these people came to the realization that they are not in fact the center of the universe? Like, just seeing any of them wait their turn in line for something or go anywhere without needing to become to the focus of the whole crowd’s attention would just be amazing to me.

Jesse’s lack of personal progress will be most dissatisfying because we all know a guy like him-an aging fuck up with a shitty band and no regard for anyone else-and most of us have seen that guy go to jail. Not Jesse, though. There will be no repercussions whatsoever for his lifetime of selfish worthlessness, I can guarantee you.

4) Still No Exploration of the Theme of Alternative Families

Another thing that bugs me about the underutilized San Francisco setting is that San Francisco is the gayest place on Earth and yet, somehow, this show about three gentle, sensitive men who live together to raise kids as a family, seems completely unaware that gay people even exist. Just look outside! I guarantee you that people are having butt sex in that park across the street from the full house at pretty much any given time. Inside the house, there will be occasional hilarious misunderstanding where someone walks in on Joey and Jesse wrestling in their underwear or something and it sure is funny when it’s taken out of context, but no one is ever like, “hey, this show is totally about gay dads!”

Rather than some half-baked, tacked on 20-years later sequel, I think that Full House could really use a reboot. The world is ready to watch a show about a polyamorous unity between 3 men who are raising kids together. I’d watch that shit. Also, replacing all the actors would be a major bonus! Don’t bring the full house back, burn that shit to the ground, and maybe you could actually build something that’s worthwhile on top of its smoldering remains.

Unfortunately, based on that amazing time that Candace Cameron got told by Raven Symone on the View, I can only assume that she’d do everything in her power to prevent this from ever happening.

5) None of the New Characters Will Be At All Memorable or Interesting

I guess DJ and Kimmie Gibbler have kids now and maybe there will be new love interests or some shit but I can pretty much guarantee you that, after viewing all of these episodes, I won’t know anything more about any of those new characters than I do right now. That’s not because they wont have their own storylines. I’m sure that there will be obligatory episodes about how DJ has to go to her boring kids karate tournament at the same time as an important work meeting and how’s a working single mom supposed to make it in this day and age? And I’m sure that each new character will have some overly simplistic characteristics that define them, like the hungry kid or the fidgety guy that Kimmie Gibbler is dating or the kid that really likes science and says affirmative all the time, but none of the new characters will leave any lasting impressions. The worst part is, the new characters will actually make us miss the returning cast members when they’re not onscreen. I can’t think of a bigger offense than that.

If there’s one thing that’s guaranteed about this series, it’s that every returning character will be spewing out their most overused catch phrases from back in the day at the slightest provocation. They might as well call this shit, “Remember That Dumb Ass Catch Phrase From When You Were 12? The Series.” There will also probably be some attempts to bestow the new characters with catch phrases of their own, and all of them will fail. This will partially be because the new Netflix model of releasing everything all at once doesn’t allow for a shows creators to gage an audience reaction to something in order to make decisions about what to develop into “a thing” (one of my all-time favorite tv moments was in the E! True Hollywood Story for Blossom in which Joey Lawrence thoroughly explains the evolution of his catch phrase, “whoa.” So THAT’S how it happened!), but it’s also probably true that there will be no new or good ideas injected into this series, so it wouldn’t have worked anyway. Regardless, I’m willing to bet that the shows creators will do their best to make assumptions about what will get the audience all riled up, resulting in some new and misguided catchphrases.  Here are my predictions for what some of them will be:

“I’m so itchy!”

“I made a doo doo in your bed”

“Wha-wha-wha-whaaaaaaaaaa?!!?”

“That’s not my problem”

“I don’t care about you at all”

“#AllLivesMatter”

6) There Will Be No Mention of Stephanie’s Fake Titties

The elephant in the room will not be addressed. There might be some gross, family-friendly references to how much Stephanie has “grown up” or something in response to all of the low cut shirts she seems to be wearing in all the promo stuff, but no one’s gonna just straight up be like, “damn, Stephanie, what’s up with them fake tittays?”

7) The More Successful Cast Members Will Smugly Phone In Their Appearances, While the More Desperate Ones Will Give It Their All, To the Point Of Making It Uncomfortable To Watch

John Stamos has done really well since the show ended, so much so that he seems willing to grease his hair up and neglect his wife on tv again just for the fun of it. It’s also possible that he’s doing it as a favor to the rest of the cast, or maybe even just because he missed working with them. Regardless of his reasons for showing up, he knows he’s too good for this show and this will be apparent in every moment that he’s onscreen. Bob Saget will also smugly phone in his performance, doing his best to communicate to the audience that he’s smarter and funnier than this show even though none his stand up has proven this to be true.

Jodie Sweetin seems to have had the roughest time out in the real world, so much so that I can’t help but wonder if this reunion isn’t some charitable deed by everyone else involved to try to help her get some work. Her biggest claims to fame in recent years has been a tell-all book about being a meth addict and a series of failed twitter campaigns where she lobbied for a spot on Dancing With the Stars. I think it’s a safe bet that her presence onscreen will be that of a person trying way too hard to prove her performance chops so that maybe, just once in her life, she might get an acting job playing someone besides Stephanie Tanner.

8) They Will Not All Die

Proving that sheer force of will cannot alter reality, and that nobody on the executive staff cares about all those letters I sent, the series will not conclude with all of the characters dying horribly. How great would it be, though, if the house collapsed or exploded or something and the family all died. That’s the only thing that would validate a return to the full house. It’s the only possible way anyone would end up saying, “this was worth waiting for.”

 

Tune in next week for Fuller House Reviewed Part 1.  It’s gonna be real cranky!  Also, feel free (or even obligated) to check out Saved By the Bell Reviewed, a weekly podcast where myself and 3 other real funny people talk about a way better show than Full House.

 

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89 Responses to 8 Predictions for Fuller House

  1. pokemega32 says:

    Just came here after torturing myself with the first episode (had some homework to procrastinate on).

    Your predictions are on point so far. It’s definitely not final season Full House level of horrible yet, but it’s up there. Stay strong.

    Like

  2. AgentAK says:

    Just finished watching the first episode and Stephanie’s rack distracted me any time she was on screen. I have the sudden urge to buy a motorboat now.

    Like

  3. Showwatch1124 says:

    You are a gentleman and a hero. Thank you.

    Like

  4. Cooper says:

    Just finished the first episode. You’re gonna have a field day with this one, Billy.

    Like

  5. Uncle Jesse's Girl@gmail says:

    I can tell Fuller House is going to ruin Kimmy Gibbler’s character. From what I’ve seen of her in the previews, they’ve made her as obnoxious and grating as the Tanners. The original Kimmy would never stoop so low as to howl like a wolf and make ears on her head, or go off on a 90s-themed tirade (Hammer time! Talk to the hand!) Look what living in the Fuller House for only one episode has done to her! Looks like there is a fatality after all. RIP, original cool Kimmy Gibbler. Even your hipster spirit could not withstand the hypnotic power of the House.

    Like

  6. Bridget says:

    Billy, I saw the trailer for Fuller House and when I saw Stephanie wearing that red dress and it left nothing to anyone’s imagination, I heard Piper Laurie as Margaret White in “Carrie” say, “Red, I might have known it would be red. Everyone will see your dirty pillows.”. I did like Kimmy’s bacon and eggs scarf, though! In regards to Nicky and Alex growing up to be like how Jesse and Rebecca imagined them, I am glad it didn’t happen. When Jesse said, “Damn, we still look good,” I wanted him to say, “Except Joey looks like a blond Al Bundy.”.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Tara says:

    I’m 2 episodes in and Jesse is already eating fried chicken. And since Steph is the “new” Jesse she’s already had fried chicken twice! Ha! I cannot wait for your review

    Like

  8. Lounges hep says:

    Long time reader, never commented, here goes.
    Got to episode 3.
    1. Poor Macy Gray.
    2. Ep 3 dance club lotta subtle homosexuality especially with DJ and Kimmy.
    3. Poor, poor Macy Gray.
    4. This show is not subtle at all, except for the two closeted guys and DJ and Kimmy in episode 3 being like really subtle.
    5. Yeah they aren’t even subtle about how Stephanie looks. She wears revealing clothes a lot.

    I think I’m either watching this….show….just so I know what you’re talking about each friday, or I hate myself. And I do listen to the savedbythebellreviewed podcast! Favorite is the really long drunk one that had to be edited down and reuploaded later, shoulda kept the original.

    Watching while I work! Gonna need a lot of drinks.

    Like

  9. Carrie says:

    Super excited for your reviews! I’ve been looking forward to this show just so I can read about how awful it is.

    Like

  10. Well, I just watched episode 1 and a few minutes of episode 2. It was not as horrible as I was expecting.

    You’re wrong about a couple predictions, but I won’t say which ones. NO SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS, PEOPLE.

    Bob Saget aged the worst of everyone, in my humble opinion. He looks… swollen? puffy? It’s bizarre.

    ps. plz don’t me offended by my username. it was made sarcastically to comment on the blog my three angles

    Like

  11. Being a glutton for punishment I said, this I gotta see. My heart dropped when I saw Michelle’s ugly Monchichi looking face. But then relief when it said 29 years later. You were pretty spot on with these bland, white bread corny people because right off the bat you see that these motherfuckers haven’t changed one bit. Plus the use of old catch phrases. I can’t wait for your new reviews!!

    Like

  12. George says:

    Bill, thou Art a gentleman and a hero. Thank you

    Like

  13. Alicia says:

    I know this is akin to torture for you, but we appreciate the fact that you’re going through it for us!

    I was hoping Kimmi would be married and hella successful but I guess the writers can’t imagine that the abuse she experienced at the hand of the Tanners would push her to become something. And you’re probably right about the whiteness/straightness of the show, quite the opposite of what life in the bay area is actually like.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Il y a VOITURE dans la CUISINE! says:

    Oh, Billy, you poor, brave soul. Thank you for subjecting yourself to this–you truly suffer for your art! 😀 I think your predictions are spot-on–and how I hope that one of the initial released episodes will be Very Special (what do you think the theme will be? Um…Facebook stalking, maybe? Online bullying?…in any case, it’ll be resolved with music and hugs and Joey spitting in people’s faces). And what if, instead of everyone dying at the end, you got to make a guest appearance with the sole purpose of punching Michelle in the face?

    Also, I’m glad that I get to be a part of the awesome FHR comment community! Hello, everyone!

    Like

  15. Non-Jerk Michelle says:

    :Sigh: The real first sign of the apocalypse is officially in motion with the release of Fuller House. So far I’ve barely been able to stand seeing promos, although I only have myself to blame as E! is one of my white noise channels. For shame…Definitely putting off watching the first ep as long as possible.

    I completely agree with all predictions above, especially the blandness factor. I think people who loved the original show growing up who haven’t actually rewatched it sans nostalgia rose colored glasses consider the show wholesome. The reality is it’s about boring, selfish lame-os.

    I predict the only San Franciscan aspect of Fuller House is that it recycles…dog shit. It’ll be exactly the same with new annoying kids taking on the roles of the original girls only they’ll have smartphones and use current slang that frightens and nauseates my age demographic.

    Can’t wait for the reviews to start up again; only reason to check out Fuller House. Thanks Ryan!

    #likewhiteonricebutneveronsushi #ewwwIjusthadasquidinmymouth

    Liked by 1 person

    • goodgollyregina says:

      ” I think people who loved the original show growing up who haven’t actually rewatched it sans nostalgia rose colored glasses consider the show wholesome.”

      This. All those Facebook fans only like the show because it “was a show that they watched when they were little. It reminds them of their childhood, so therefore it’s a great show.” I have a feeling they haven’t watched it without those rose colored glasses, and don’t know how to look beyond the obvious, and see that this show really is terrible. And none of these actors can act for shit, nor do these characters know how to think about anybody other than themselves. They clearly haven’t changed one bit since we last “saw” them 20 years ago.

      I also want to know, has everybody lived in the Full House all this time? And anybody who is not DJ, Kimmy, Stephanie, and their respective kids is only NOW moving out? Like, I don’t get how those arrangements work. I know DJ is enlisting the help of Kimmy and Stephanie to help her raise her kids. But did everyone else still live in the Full House before that?

      From what I gather, Fuller House is just a completely recycled version of the old show. DJ is like Danny, widowed, three kids, and enlists the help of her best friend and sister to help her raise the kids. And the first episode is aptly titled “Our Very First Show…. Again. How original. It looks like a complete rip off of the old show. Oh well, can’t wait for your reviews next week, Billy! Can’t wait to LOL and read your scathing reviews!

      Liked by 2 people

      • goodgollyregina says:

        Also, I hope my above comment didn’t sound too spoiler-ish. I don’t get Netflix, so I can’t watch it even if I want to. But I hope my last paragraph didn’t sound like I was spoiling anything? Outside the basic premise of what the show will be like? Just checking.

        Like

      • Danny still lives in the Full House. Gloria and her kids moved in when her husband died. No one else lives there anymore.

        Like

  16. The word “hero” gets thrown around a lot these days, but you, sir, are a true American hero.

    Honestly, you’re the only reason I’m even going to watch this shit-ass show, just so I can read these reviews and know what the heck you’re talking about, because man, it’s going to be TERRIBLE. I mean, I love nostalgia more than most people; I dedicate an obscene amount of time and creative energy on it every week, but from all appearances, this doesn’t even look like a play to nostalgia, it looks like an attempt to just straight-up do the show again, as much as possible.

    And I just don’t see how anyone can think that would work – the original was such a product of its time, its market, it’s format, and all three of those things are different now. Like you said, how do you develop a catchphrase when all the episodes are released at once? Will there be laugh track? Will they pipe in some computer-generated “awwws” when an adult inappropriately open-mouth kisses a child after they explain that it’s okay to have the entire world center on them? How will this even work?!?

    But, here we are regardless. At least we’ve got each other. We’ll just have to take it step by step, day by day, and maybe we’ll make it better the second time around…

    If I want to see Uncle Joey do his stupid fucking Bullwinkle impression for the ten millionth time, I can just watch an old episode

    Or go see his stand-up.

    Fuller House will underwhelm, and most people who bother to check it out wont make it past the second episode.

    Except for all of us…

    I’m really curious to see what the twitter hashtag that condemns this show for being nothing but a collective of super lilly white honkeys will be.

    I dunno, I feel like that would be Twitter giving this show too much credit? I mean, like, we’re upset the Oscars are so white because the Oscars (rightly or wrongly) have some level of cultural cache and, for the professionals involved in the industry, a bearing on the kind of work they do and opportunities they’re given. To go after this show on the same level would suggest it has any cultural relevance, and I dunno, maybe it does? But it’s kind of frightening to think so.

    or the kid that really likes science and says affirmative all the time…

    I will pay you SO MUCH MONEY if this turns out to be true.

    but no one’s gonna just straight up be like, “damn, Stephanie, what’s up with them fake tittays?”

    Even moreso than this, I’m really curious if they address the OTHER elephant in the room, the lack of any Olsen Twins. Like, will there be a line of dialogue saying it was sad when she died on the way back to her home planet (best), will they just not acknowledge her at all, as if there is no third Tanner sister and never was, that this entire group of people didn’t spend an inordinate amount of time attending to the every whim of a ghoulish child demon for ten years (good), or will they just toss off a single line of dialogue, like, “oh, your sister wishes she could be here, but she sure is busy being a professional in that city that’s far away from here!” (most likely)?

    John Stamos has done really well since the show ended, so much so that he seems willing to grease his hair up and neglect his wife on tv again just for the fun of it.

    Rightly or wrongly, it really does feel like Stamos is descending from on high just to throw his less fortunate cast members (who he does genuinely seem to like) a bone and the opportunity to bask in the opulence of his hair.

    so much so that I can’t help but wonder if this reunion isn’t some charitable deed by everyone else involved to try to help her get some work

    I honestly had that same thought, once the show went from the “a rumor it was happening” stage to the “hey, a bunch of the original cast members are coming back for it”. Like you said, arguably nobody needs to do this show more than Jodie Sweetin (well, except for maybe Dave Coulier, but he doesn’t seem to realize it or refuses to acknowledge it).

    Liked by 3 people

    • Blah says:

      Seeing you here is almost as good as seeing Billy back! Are you not going by Teebore anymore?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Austin Gorton says:

        Thanks! And yeah, I’ve mostly shed the Teebore moniker. Between writing for sites beyond just my own blog, and doing the podcast every week as myself, it’s just sort of faded away.

        Like

    • Il y a une VOITURE dans la CUISINE! says:

      From what I saw of the trailers, Teebore/Austin, they DO acknowledge Michelle–she’s taken the role of Grandma in the first season as someone who the cast mentions and occasionally talks to on the phone. The girls say that Michelle is “busy with her clothing line in New York,” so they leave her a message yelling “YOU GOT IT, DUDE.” I wish I was kidding. I really wish I was.

      And it’s a pleasure to see you back!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Austin Gorton says:

        It’s even fourth wall-ish, since the Olsen Twins are principally fashionistas these days, I believe.

        And thanks!

        Like

    • Non-Jerk Michelle says:

      Oh Teebore/Austin, you hit the nail on the head as always. Glad you have pledged your membership to The Coalition of Suffrage as is voluntary by all of us who honor pop culture gone by and scrutinize that which does not make the cut due to idiocy. We are tributes.

      But more importantly; yes. “Whenever Poochie’s not on screen, all of the other characters should be asking: ‘Where’s Poochie?'”

      Liked by 1 person

    • Annie says:

      To be fair, this show isn’t all that lilly white. There are at least 5 characters of color.

      Like

    • so glad to see you back in the comment section, masochism has not lost its appeal, clearly. billy up top, teebore downstairs. it’s party time! (my own attempt at a catchphrase!)

      Liked by 1 person

  17. robotcousin says:

    Hey Billy, I used to comment once in a while on the old site (or the same site that got moved here? I don’t know).

    I look forward to your reviews, and I’ll be watching, again, like Teebore above (see? I’m telling you, I used to read this blog religiously). I should point out that this whole revamp of Full House?

    It was John Stamos’ idea. Yes, seriously. Billy, I’m not sure you read all of our comments, but I hope you do. You need to know that it’s all Uncle Jesse’s fault.

    That is all.

    Like

  18. Mrs.Meerkat says:

    I love Full House. Like absolutely full on adore it. BECAUSE it is horrible. And I have spent the last 3 weeks reading every entry of this blog in preparation for Fuller House.

    You have made me laugh out loud on more than one inopportune occasion & I can’t wait for more!! Great job!!

    (And I know how much you truly hate this franchise, so a Godspeed as well) 😉

    Like

  19. Uncle Joey's Nappy Pubes says:

    Hey, are you going to be reviewing Fuller House? That’d be sooo fucking cool!

    Stephanie looks like a non-gender binary individual.

    Like

  20. I look forward to the blogs! I racked my brain trying to recall a successful revival of a sitcom and the only one that came to mind was “The New Leave It To Beaver”. Granted, I wasn’t around when the original aired, but I sure did enjoy it’s 1980s follow up.

    Like

  21. Jenn says:

    I refuse to watch this hot mess on Netflix, but I’m happy it exists just to torture you, so I get even more of your snark per week than usual. Welcome back!

    Like

  22. DJ_1973 says:

    So, are you gonna review the new show??? (Kidding.)

    I think I’ll wait for your reviews, then watch, maybe… I’m too old for the original FH demographic, but for some reason my college roommate liked it, so I caught the original reruns and the end of the series, back in the day.

    Like

  23. Ivane says:

    Oh my GOD, how I’ve missed you! You are SO hilarious, you crack me up all the time! I’m very surprised you’re going to review “Fuller House” I know it’s going to be absolute HELL for you, but your pain and suffering will be so worth it to all your fans!

    Like

  24. jerrbear81 says:

    Fuller House was far worse than I assumed it’d be. The only bright spot was Kimmy Gibbler and her sprog. Seriously, my brain is bleeding from how nauseatingly putrid this show turned out to be! Netflix should feel more ashamed than a masturbating-addicted priest spreading peanut butter on his dick and trying to lure a dog into oral sex.

    Like

  25. llamas says:

    Holy crap, Raven Symone is ultra hot these days!! I had no idea! Candace looks so plain and boring next to her. Dayum.

    Like

  26. Guest 2.0 says:

    Your predictions about catchphrases are KILLING me. You should write sitcoms!

    Like

  27. 1980s.me says:

    BS, great to see you back! I do not believe that you don’t enjoy Full House though! =P

    I have not watched yet, and agree with your predictions. One thought I had recently was the hashtag #FullHouseSoWhite. And yeah, Sweetin went way to far with the fake tettas, just does not fit her and is really distracting, but not in the good way.

    My prediction, I would add, is that the character Kimmie Gibbler that you enjoyed will be thoroughly robbed of any of her qualities that set her apart from the others. Part of it is it seems they are trying so hard to portray to the world that they are all BFF’s that it’s ridiculous. In Sweetin’s tell-all she pretty much came off as being the Screech of the cast and did not have a lot of contact with the other girls in her darker years. But the lines are really blurred between the show and reality from what I have seen in their promos. So that dynamic of Gibbler vs the Tanners will be ruined.

    Like

  28. Bridget says:

    Welcome to all of you! Let’s all sing a chorus of “We Love Billleeee” from “Chicago.”. He should be congratulated for the sacrifice he is going to make to ensure all of us are happy every Friday!

    Liked by 1 person

    • goodgollyregina says:

      Indeed! Even if it means that Billy will have to endure 13 episodes of pure torture. But anything for us!

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        GG Regina, I know Billy has a soft spot in his heart for all of us and he won’t let us down and it will help him pass the rest of this winter when he is occupied by this.

        Like

      • goodgollyregina says:

        Yeah, and he’s gonna need all the luck he can get here getting through this revival show. Though 13 episodes is better than 192 episodes and 8 seasons. So Billy has his work cut out for him!

        Like

  29. Casey White says:

    About to watch the first episode myself. Godspeed Billy Superstar.

    Like

  30. Lauren says:

    I am so so excited to be able to comment on this blog in a timely manner! I had all these comments, but it was like 5 years after the posts were made so I kept it to myself.

    This blog wins the internet!

    Like

  31. Kim says:

    I didn’t discover this blog until you were pretty much finished, so I never got to be part of the whole community here (although I definitely enjoyed the comments along with the recaps), but let me just tell you, the whole time I was watching Fuller House, I just kept thinking about how you would react to certain situations and dialog.

    I can’t wait until you do these too!

    Like

  32. DownWithJoey says:

    Having just TRIED DESPERATELY to get through the first episode…. I highly suggest booze and or heavy drugs. It’s bad. I announced my inability to complete once sentence, remarking at the end “thank GOD for Full House Reviewed, I simply can NOT do this”. Then I went and cried in a really hot shower, because I felt that filthy. You are a saint. A warrior.

    OH and if you want some fun, during the party at the Tanner house, where DJ opens the door, check out the creepy bald extra in the back ground. He totally checks out her ass!

    Like

  33. EverywhereYouLook says:

    The “replica” set looks smaller than the original set, yet Mr.
    Woodchuck was bigger and effing creepier than the original. Why!

    Like

  34. ER says:

    Can’t wait for the new reviews. I made you a new banner for the upcoming series. I put about the same amount of work into it as the same amount you are enthusiastic about reviewing the new episodes. http://i.imgur.com/UpkSFnF.png

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Annie says:

    You’re wrong about quite a few predictions, but whether you’ll think that’s good or bad, we’ll see.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Julia says:

    Welcome back! 🙂

    LOL at the “John Stamos phoning it in” prediction since this whole thing was his idea. XD

    I don’t want to spoil too much but a lot of your predictions did come true in some way. 😛 (Though the POC and LGBT stuff both do pop up in some ways and are…interesting. Yeah, really don’t want to spoil more. :P)

    The episode of Girl Meets World Billy saw was a very early one and doesn’t really reflect the show now. Yeah, it’s definitely not as good as the original but there are some episodes that have been awesome and it is waaaaaaaaaay better than most of the other Discoms from the past decade or so.

    And I found it interesting that Billy mentioned Jodie’s various twitter campaigns to get on Dancing With the Stars because she’s going to be on this coming season. By the time Billy gets to it it’ll have already been officially announced but I totes saw it coming, especially since there’s a Fuller House episode that may have had an ulterior motive in that regard. 😛

    Like

  37. trlkly says:

    Dude, you can’t be at full blast before you’ve even seen the show. Sure, it’s fun seeing the guy freak out over a perfectly innocuous show, but you’ve got to go in with hope, or else you’re going to be the boring one, just repeating all your old stuff.

    I watched through episode 3. That’s probably the first one where it feels like its own show. And when the acting gets better. Because the one thing they kept in pilot was the kids’ bad acting.

    Like

  38. Mike Sanders says:

    Watching this for the sake of shared pain. I’ve loved your blog, but so far it is pretty bad.

    Lori Laughlin is still hot though.

    Like

  39. At least they say words like ”DAMN” in it, which makes it less ”softee” than Full House, and they make fun of Trump. But it is still the shit we all thought it would be.

    Like

  40. Oh and adding on to what I just said, they do not have any ”heart to heart conversations” in this show, thankfully.

    Like

    • Annie says:

      There were a couple, they just weren’t as overbearing and cloying as the original show.

      Like

      • Anisky says:

        Exactly; they tend to contain such gems as, “You’re not a loser… you’re just not a winner.”

        I do have to admit I’m baffled by how Stephanie was an internationally successful DJ but couldn’t seem to book any gigs in San Francisco. It’s not like it takes place in South Dakota or something.

        Like

  41. Just dropping by to thank you for elevating the art of the hateboner to masterpiece level. I’ll be back to comment on each episode’s post!

    Like

  42. Can’t wait to chime in on the first episode. #FreeKimmyGibbler

    Like

  43. Patrick says:

    8) They Will Not All Die

    Proving that sheer force of will cannot alter reality, and that nobody on the executive staff cares about all those letters I sent, the series will not conclude with all of the characters dying horribly. How great would it be, though, if the house collapsed or exploded or something and the family all died. That’s the only thing that would validate a return to the full house. It’s the only possible way anyone would end up saying, “this was worth waiting for.”

    Back in late 1993 on a bootleg video the legendary stand-up comic Bill Hicks spoke about a “Let’s Hunt and Kill The Cast of Full House Easter Special” shame his dreams couldn’t come true. 😦 Plus I’m very sure that he’s rolling in his grave over both the new show and the fact it came out on the anniversary of his death. :/

    Like

  44. Daisy says:

    I’ve watched every episode of Girl Meets World, hoping it will get better, and so far it has only gotten worse. You’re right, there’s not much plot there. Every episode takes the most meandering, confusing route to a heavy-handed “life lesson” and by the end of the episode I’m never quite sure what that lesson was supposed to be.

    In comparison, I thought Fuller House was way, way, way better than GMW (so far I am 6 episodes in). I think it strikes just the right blend of cheesy dorkiness with a pinch of newfound self-awareness. At least I like to think so. There were a couple points where all I could think was “can’t wait to see what FHR says about this!” As if the writers went out of their way to include all the things you normally make fun of. Either it’s an intentional wink and a nod, or they’re just so supremely oblivious that they gleefully replicated every terrible aspect of the original in total sincerity. It’s gotta be one or the other; there is no in between.

    Either way, I’m really enjoying Fuller House so far (actually, genuinely, non-ironically), but I am also really looking forward to watching you skewer it. Thank you so much for coming back on board!

    Like

  45. Liz says:

    In Fuller House (the pilot episode) Danny has remarried to a black woman who likes his freaky cleaning habit, Also Stephanie has a british accent for 10 minutes

    I’ve already watched 8 episodes and hate it

    Like

  46. Sara says:

    Did no one catch the masturbation joke, the weed joke, Kimmy’s daughter calling the Fullers/Tanners the whitest family in America and all the sex jokes that have come up so far? The show is not that vanilla or boring, c’mon. I think it’s pretty funny and I actually like the way that they’ve done the show so far. Anyway, I’m going to be showing up here like a stalker every Friday to read the reviews!

    Like

  47. Bridget says:

    Sara, it’s okay! You had me at the R-rated jokes the writers have put into “Fuller House.”. Ramona Gibbler sounds like a chip off the old block with Kimmy being the old block and I am looking forward to Billy venting his rage against the show!

    Like

  48. Michelle says:

    Fuck you dude!! Full house and Fuller house are the shit!! Full house is the best sitcom from 80’s ever dude so fuck off okay??!!!

    Like

  49. Mike says:

    I really think people need to STOP spoiling stuff in the comments. I personally don’t care if stuff is spoiled for me but Billy said several times he didn’t like how people would always tell him would happen when he did Full House, and that was a show he’d already seen. This show is brand new to everyone, and it would be nice to get Billy’s amazing reviews without it being ruined for him weeks in advance.

    Like

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