Season 1, Episode 3, “The First Day of School”

Finally, Kimmy Gibbler appears onscreen!  After an enticing mention of her as DJ’s friend on the phone in episode 1, we finally get to see her in the flesh!  Her first appearance doesn’t really leave any lasting impressions, but let’s just say that you haven’t seen the last of ol’ Kimmy…

Like the previous episodes, the title of this one pretty much tells you everything you need to know.  That’s right, the girls are getting ready for the first day of school.  At the outset, Kimmy and DJ are planning a fruitful year of note passing and saying “ew” about boys, but Stephanie is worried about starting kindergarten.  All this character-driven angst is interrupted by Joey and Jesse entering the room after apparently smearing poo all over Michelle.

They tell Kimmy to go home and then decide that they’d better give the baby a bath.

While in the tub, Jesse and Joey get to know each other a little better.  It’s never really clear how familiar they were before the series begins, but they clearly hit it off once they move into the house.  Here their relationship deepens as Joey discusses his passion for comedy and Jesse shares his for Elvis.  Joey claims that his pursuit of comedy comes from his desire to make people happy.  I don’t really know how getting all up in everybody’s faces with terrible impressions all the time is supposed to spread joy, but we can at least assume from his conviction that he means well and really doesn’t realize what an annoying fuckhead he is.  Jesse’s adjoining Elvis spiel results in him serenading Joey with “Love Me Tender,” which is such a gay moment that Danny Tanner, the most stereotypically gay dad in the history of television, comes in and makes a bunch of jokes about how gay it is.

I’d like to take a moment to clarify my feelings towards the gayness of Full House.  Gay people are a-ok in my book, and I believe they should be given the same rights and opportunities as anyone else.  When I say Jesse and Joey are acting gay, I’m not saying that they’re lame or stupid, I’m merely making an objective observation that they are appearing as two men would who are in a loving relationship with one another.  All the dads in Full House act really gay a lot of the time, and while I don’t have a problem with it, it’s nearly impossible to evaluate this show without pointing it out from time to time.  What strikes me as most paradoxical is that this show seems to really appeal to good ol’ middle American down home values, and yet at the same time it seems to me to be screaming in support of gay parenting.  If the producers had just bitten the bullet and embraced its gay dads premise, it might have done some good to persuade conservatives to ease up on queer rights issues.  Maybe it’s for the best… Much like how decades of over-the-top, in-your-face feminist art and activism have dissuaded a lot of people from identifying with or supporting that particular movement, it’s probable that a show of this quality allying itself with LGBT culture would ultimately be a hindrance.  So in conclusion, although Full House is a really gay program, it’s only in the most superficial and unconstructive way possible.

After Danny is done gaybashing his children’s surrogate fathers, he goes to check on his daughters, who should be sleeping but aren’t because Stephanie is so anxious about school.  There’s a gag about the outfit she’s chosen to wear on her first day, but because the shows aesthetics are so dubious, I can’t even tell what the joke is.  Is she supposed to look stupid, or too fancy, or what?  I have no idea what these characters’ idea of a good or a bad outfit would be because they pretty much act like they live in a completely different universe than I do.

The next morning Danny greets his kids with, “Chef Boyar-dad made some super great lunches for a super great first day of school.”   After the girls are escorted out the door by a trio of singing dads, Stephanie quickly reenters the scene and declares that she’s not going to school.  With that, there is a musical note and then a commercial break, ensuring us that this is a really big deal.  What, you’re just gonna decide not to go to school?  Who gets away with that?

Rather than telling her to quit fucking around and walk her ass to the school bus, the dads totally coddle her, which can only contribute to this bullshit behavior.  Stephanie makes a sad face and expresses her concern that she won’t have any friends, which results in the first time the audience goes, “aww.”  Danny declares that he’ll go down to the school with her so she won’t be by herself, and then Jesse gives a speech about first times:  when he was 14 he fucked some college girl at the drive-in.  I’m not even making that up.  There are actually some pretty racy jokes in these early episodes…

Danny’s futile attempt to pep-talk Stephanie down at the kindergarten is interrupted when Michelle takes an enormous shit in her diaper.  Thankfully Jesse is waiting in the classroom, where he happened to stop by on the way to his job as an exterminator.  His brilliant plan is to totally disrupt the class and then give away all the milk in an attempt to bribe the other kids into befriending her.

When that doesn’t work, he approaches a little girl in just about the creepiest way possible, which inevitably results in her shouting “stranger!” and blowing into her rape whistle.  Soon Joey enters the classroom and creates an incredible disruption of his own with an impromptu game of duck duck goose.  It never ceases to amaze me how many of the jokes on this show revolve around the main characters being really pushy and totally inconsiderate towards everyone who isn’t in their immediate family.   At this point the teacher is pretty fed up with all these strange men barging into her classroom and acting like they own the place, which cues Danny’s entrance.  His visit is cut short when Joey spots DJ, who just happens to be climbing the fence to escape school grounds at that precise place and time.

DJ is lambing it because she’s upset about being put in the smart class, which she refers to as “Geekville USA.”  She’s been separated from Kimmy and is worried about making new friends, which conveniently coincides with Stephanie’s storyline.  So Danny gives DJ a pep-talk about confronting her fears and then DJ gives Stephanie the same pep-talk and then they both go to class.  Surprisingly, the music never comes on, but even more surprisingly, no one ever tells these girls that they have to go to school because it’s the fucking law.

Firsts:  The audience goes, “aww,” Jesse’s job as an exterminator.

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28 Responses to Season 1, Episode 3, “The First Day of School”

  1. Nicky says:

    At the outset –> At the outset,

    Dj –> DJ

    Kindergarten –> kindergarten
    (adopted as English word/general place name, so doesn’t require a capital)

    While in the tub, –> While Michelle’s in the tub,
    Please, for the love of god, tell me this should be the latter. Joey and Jesse aren’t really in the tub together, are they?

    it’s gay dad premise –> its gay dad premise

    these characters idea –> these characters’ ideas

    first times: When –> first times: when
    (preferable)

    Kindergarten –> kindergarten

    When that doesn’t work he –> When that doesn’t work, he

    Firsts: The audience goes, “aww.” Jesse’s job as an exterminator. –> “aww”; (or “aww”, if you prefer the comma)

    Like

    • junia says:

      I was just perusing this blog, wasn’t intending to comment on anything, but really? You had to go there? People like you make me feel depressed about the future of this world.

      Like

      • Billy Superstar says:

        nicky is copy editing this blog. she e-mailed me offering to send in corrections where they’re needed and i gladly accepted. she was originally going to e-mail me the corrections but felt it was easier to post them here. i can see how these comments might seem weird if you didn’t know that.

        Like

      • Kate says:

        I was going to say, this “Nicky” is a real ball buster!

        Like

      • Casey says:

        Oh damn. I’ve made some nasty comments toward Nicky. Sorry, Nicky :l

        Like

      • Sara Wilson says:

        and i’ve made some comments that she should have emailed them instead of posting them here with no other explanations… whoops sorry bout that. i feel dumb lol.

        Like

      • Please don’t discourage such people. Even though the OP may feel offended or you empathize with the OP, the fact is that a lot of people read this. It isn’t the worst thing if some of us learn a few things as well. I’m glad this guy took the time to point these out. I honestly didn’t realize the difference between “its” and “it’s”, I’ve been making the same mistake as well.

        Like

    • the police says:

      you are sincerely the worst person EVER.

      Like

  2. Alwyn says:

    I couldn’t find in the credits, the name of the lil girl who blew the whistle… i think she did it perfectly…albeit a small role…Has she appeared again in Full House? Or elsewhere?

    Like

  3. Christian says:

    By episode three you were already able to pinpoint exactly what bothered me about this show: Their complete and total disregard of other people for the sake of coddling each other! They did this throughout the entire fucking series and while the writers thought it was hilarious, it only served to show what a bunch of selfish punks these guys were. And yes, why were these girls allowed to do whatever the fuck they wanted without anyone saying “don’t fucking do that!”? Instead telling them that it’s not cool do things like trying to escape from school like it was Alcatraz, they give them a sappy speech about how it’s perfectly normal to react to sad feelings by doing dangerous things.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. brilliantkg says:

    i totally forgot that DJ and steph dressed like extras from “big love” in the first episodes.

    Like

  5. Kenny says:

    I’d like to take a moment to clarify my feelings towards the gayness of Full House. Gay people are a-ok in my book, and I believe they should be given the same rights and opportunities as anyone else. When I say Jesse and Joey are acting gay, I’m not saying that they’re lame or stupid, I’m merely making an objective observation that they are appearing as two men would who are in a loving relationship with one another. All the dads in Full House act really gay a lot of the time, and while I don’t have a problem with it, it’s nearly impossible to evaluate this show without pointing it out from time to time. What strikes me as most paradoxical is that this show seems to really appeal to good ol’ middle American down home values, and yet at the same time it seems to me to be screaming in support of gay parenting. If the producers had just bitten the bullet and embraced its gay dads premise, it might have done some good to persuade conservatives to ease up on queer rights issues. Maybe it’s for the best… Much like how decades of over-the-top, in-your-face feminist art and activism have dissuaded a lot of people from identifying with or supporting that particular movement, it’s probable that a show of this quality allying itself with LGBT culture would ultimately be a hindrance. So in conclusion, although Full House is a really gay program, it’s only in the most superficial and unconstructive way possible.

    This was very articulate and one of the most sincere and honest responses I have ever seen regarding gay rights .

    Like

  6. Mike hunt says:

    I just want to personally thank you for saying what I’ve though since I was a kid. I hated this fucking show, I hated the entire cast. I’m not really sure what made producers think that people would love this corny, lame ass attempt at humor. This show ranks right up there with other so called TGIF shows such as family matters and perfect strangers. Lastly, I have to agree that Dave coulier is horrible and he earned what I assume was close to 25 years in the unemployment line. I guess it’s just good to know I’m not the only one who’d rather talking a scalding clothes iron to his genitals than watch this fucking garbage.

    Like

  7. Jeanne says:

    Has anyone else noticed in the pic w/ Stephanie holding the milks.. That other little girl with the pink hat? What is that??

    Like

  8. John Q says:

    It seems like there were really trying to market this show to adults when it first aired which is really bizarre and shocking in retrospect. There’s definitely more sexual or adult themed material in season 1. That scene of Jesse telling about having sex at the drive-in was edited out of the syndicated version. The scene where Joey is taking a shower in that ridiculous outfit is also edited out.

    There’s also more gay type innuendo/jokes in season 1. Seriously it really does feel like they wanted to make a show about 3 gay men raising 3 girls. That moment where Jesse and Joey were in the bathtub looked really gay.

    WTF is D.J. wearing to school??? She looks like an Amish girl or somebody from “Little House on the Prairie”.

    What time did those girls go to bed 7:00 P.M. ?? Jesse is telling Joey that he has to do a comedy gig at 9:30 and they’re still giving Michelle a bath?

    I love how the Danny, Jesse and Joey just barge into the kindergarten class and take it over without the teacher or any school official kicking them out immediately or calling the police.

    Then there’s the ridiculous moment of D.J. trying to climb over the picket fence??? How was this little girl able to escape the school without anyone seeing her or noticing that she’d disappeared??

    Like

    • To be fair about the dress, that was very stylish at the time. Yes, it was Little House on the Prairie (still very popular), but combined with the 80’s love of all things denim.

      Like

  9. Lisa says:

    What I remember about this episode was DJ’s comment that she was the “only blonde” in the smart class. To this day I wonder, what the heck was that supposed to mean? That all geeks are Asian? That blondes are too dumb to be in gifted classes? Either way (speaking as someone who was an Asian kid in gifted classes) I found it kinda jerky.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Lisa, I agree with you about the writers thinking that all blinds are airheads and can’t be geniuses. Famous writer, Laura Ingalls Wilder’s older sister, Mary was a blond who lost her sight at age 14. Mary went to a blind school in Iowa and she did extrememly well! Laura said Mary was a very bright girl who was eager to learn. Jodie Foster could read at age 3 and she went to college after she had a very successful career as a child actor. Today she still acts and is a respected director as well. She starred in and directed “Little Man Tate” about a boy genius because she knew first hand what it was like to be a genius as a child. Heather O’Rourke, the little towheaded girl who was in the “Poltergeist” movies before she died at age 12, had straight A’s during her school career. I read about Dr. Victoria Zdrok who was a blond Playboy playmate. She skipped high school, went to college, and got a PhD from Villanova. Elisabeth Shue attended both Wellesley and Harvard and she went back to school and received a degree in Government. Ivyann Schwann from “Parenthood” was very bright and could read at age 3. Christina Applegate from “Married with Children” was blond airhead Kelly Bundy and in real life, she was interested in poetry. I think the “Full House” writers thought a person’s hair color and nationality are the only determining factors of intelligence, when there are other factors to be considered. I think with all the bone-headed things DJ did i.e., sneaking a horse into the house, playing with her uncle’s equipment without permission, and putting off the egg drop assignment at the last minute, she didn’t exactly qualify for Mensa!

      Like

      • Furienna says:

        Smart people can still do mistakes, especially if they are as young as DJ was at the time.

        That was a nice list of intelligent blondes, by the way.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Furienna, thank you for liking my list! I add another genius blond to the list: January Paige “Jani” Schofield. I thought with her long curly hair she looked like Sammi Hagar! I digress, though. I read the book written by her father Michael titled “January First.”. Jani was diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 6 because of the ton of imaginary friends with number names and the imaginary place these fictional people and animals live in. Jani was given an IQ test at age 4 and she tested very high. Throughout the book Jani reminded me of Helen Keller, except she could see and hear. In “The Miracle Worker” Helen was totally out of control until Annie Sullivan came along to teach her manners and use her fine mind to help society. Unfortunately for Jani, her mom Susan wants her to learn how to function in society, but her dad doesn’t think it’s necessary for his high IQ child! These parents are under the control of a very bright, rather beastly child who always gets her way to the point Susan had a baby brother for her named Bohdi. Jani and her dad had to live in separate apartments because she tried to hurt her brother. As a baby, she didn’t sleep the normal amount a baby would and had to be stimulated constantly! Her dad is an obnoxious man who admitted he shook her as a baby and would crow incessantly about his child’s high IQ! Personally, I think IQ tests are rather flawed!

        Like

  10. Kimmy says:

    one of the best lines in this blog:
    “All this character-driven angst is interrupted by Joey and Jesse entering the room after apparently smearing poo all over Michelle.”

    Like

  11. davejay says:

    It’s not the law that you have to go to school. You can homeschool or even “unschool” your kids if you want. Unschooling in particular looks nothing like traditional “school” and it just encourages the child’s natural curiosity and desire to learn.

    Like

    • Furienna says:

      It is the law here in Sweden. We even frown on home-schooling, which is really rare over here. We do have some private schools though, even if most children go to public schools.

      Like

    • Lolshark says:

      It is the law, though. DJ and Stephanie are being truants, committing truancy.

      Homeschooling and unschooling still require adherence and parental consent.

      Like

  12. Kimmy's Fashion Sense says:

    This episode is pretty dumb and DJ’s ugly denim dress has haunted me for 25 years

    Like

  13. Matthew Flores says:

    The actress who played Stephanie’s teacher was also in Gremlins as the wife of Mr. Futterman.

    Like

  14. Buck says:

    Hi. I just came across this blog.
    My sister was an obsessive “Full House” fan when we were lids.
    One thing that always disgusted me about this particular episode of “Full House” was DJ’s given reason for not liking being in “the smart class”: ” Dad, it’s Geekville, U.S.A. On the first day of school, some kids showed up with homework.”
    Thus, according to DJ, intelligent children are geeks and should be avoided at all costs. This episode was made when the word “geek” was still a put-down.
    Think of theme message that DJ’s line gives to child viewers of the show.

    Like

  15. My sister was an obsessive “Full House” fan when she and I were kids.
    One thing that has always disgusted me about this particular episode of “Full House” is DJ’s explanation to Danny as to why she didn’t like being in “the smart class”:

    “Dad, it’s Geekville, USA. On the first day of school, some kids showed up with homework.”

    Thus, according to DJ, intelligent children are geeks who should be avoided at all costs. This episode was made when the word “geek” was still a put-down.
    Think of the message that DJ’s line gives to children watching the show.

    Like

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