Season 1, Episode 9, “The Miracle of Thanksgiving”

This episode is very special because it’s the first holiday show of the series.  Danny wakes the uncles up early because Grandma is snowed in and can’t make them dinner like they’d planned.  I wonder if we’re ever gonna see Grandma again?  We keep hearing about her, but she hasn’t appeared onscreen for a while.  I guess it’s no big loss if we don’t because she was a pretty uninteresting Grandma.

Danny is buggin’ out because it’s the first Thanksgiving after his wife died and he doesn’t wanna heighten his daughters’ trauma by serving up a busted-ass dinner.  Joey tries to put his mind at ease by coining the catchphrase for this episode, which is “the miracle of Thanksgiving.”

After he says “miracle” he makes a little trumpet sound.  He says it a lot, and it’s the most baffling catchphrase since the one about how much Jesse loves his turtle.  Hey, I wonder if we’re ever gonna see Bubba the turtle again? I guess he’s probably sittin’ in Tacoma with snowed in Grandma, wondering where it all went wrong.

So the dads spend some time trying to make the dinner themselves but quickly realize that it’s too hard.

They tell the kids that they’re all going to a restaurant and then DJ is all, “we never went to a restaurant when Mom was still alive…sniffle…”  so everyone decides to make dinner together as a family instead.

The making of the dinner is represented by a dance montage set to “Get Ready” by The Temptations.

When the uncles go to carve the turkey, they discover that it’s frozen solid.  This is exactly like the housekeeping episode!  Maybe if this family would actually put a little elbow grease into the task at hand rather than having a dance montage they’d get some better results.  Besides, what’s the big deal with telling DJ that the turkey’s not done and they’ve gotta cook it some more?  What, her dead Mom never had to put the turkey back in the oven?  And how the fuck do you bring a frozen turkey to the dinner table without realizing it?

They put the turkey back in the oven and try to come up with a diversion when the doorbell rings.  Some ladies have lost their way and are afraid they won’t be able to bring their hot turkey to their dinner in time.

Inevitably, the dads immediately scheme to get their hands on that hot turkey.  First they try to lure them with sex appeal and then they offer them money, which says a lot about this show’s attitude towards women.  The ladies are almost persuaded by the money but then Joey runs into the room after getting his tongue stuck in a bottle that got stuck in a chair.

The ladies clear out and then Joey herds Danny and Jesse into the kitchen to show them that the turkey’s on fire.  How did a frozen turkey get completely burned in 5 minutes?

The kids get all upset, setting in motion a chain of touching moments.  First Danny consoles DJ and the music comes on.

Then Jesse consoles Stephanie by showing him his old family album.

Then Jesse confides in Danny that he’s all upset about his dead sister, and the music comes on like you wouldn’t believe.  I guess since this is a holiday episode they thought they’d really pile on the touching moments.

So finally the family all sit together to eat their burned turkey.  While they’re saying grace Joey alludes to his estranged father’s 3 wives and his gambling addicted mother, which is actually kind of intriguing.  Any evidence as to what the hell is wrong with that guy is enough to get my attention.  Amen!

Firsts:  Holiday episode, Joey’s shitty family

This entry was posted in Season 1. Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Season 1, Episode 9, “The Miracle of Thanksgiving”

  1. furburger says:

    this is the greatest thing since F*ck You Penguin. Thank you. Thank you so, so freaking much.


  2. emmeye says:

    Hey, notice that Joey is wearing the same shirt at the beginning of this episode as the end of the last episode? PJs or just a hideous shirt he loves so much he can’t take it off?


  3. Of the many things I hate about ’80s TV, for whatever reason, the most rage-inducing is that trend of white people dancing around to inoffensive ’60s tunes. To this day, I can’t hear “Splish Splash” without seeing in my mind’s eye Meredith Baxter-Birney doing the Watusi in the Keatons’ kitchen, and then I inevitably blackout in a blur of anger and shame.


  4. Nicky says:

    Uncles –> uncles

    busted ass dinner –> busted-ass
    (otherwise you’ve got an ass dinner that’s busted)

    sittin in Tacoma –> sittin’ OR sitting

    the Dad’s –> the dads

    the Uncle’s –> the uncles

    at hand rather than –> at hand rather than
    (extra space after “hand”)

    Inevitably, the dad’s –> dads

    this shows attitude –> show’s

    family all sits together —-> sit


    • beandip says:

      I know I’m late to the game here, but noticed a missed typo (I think).

      “Then Jesse consoles Stephanie by showing *her* his old family album.”

      Glad I finally found out about this blog, I’m in tears reading it – no shit.


  5. wc2011 says:

    May I ask what the premise was in which Joey ended up with his tongue stuck in a bottle that was stuck in a chair?!


    • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

      He was making seltzer water for the ladies (Alcohol is forbidden in the Tanner house) when Joey got his tongue stuck in the bottle and tried to get it out by pulling it out with the empty kitchen chair that used to be Pam Tanner’s chair.


  6. Chuck says:

    Love the dated New Monkees reference following the Get Ready lip-sync sequence…I think that short-lived revival was nearing cancellation by the time this ep aired.


  7. Bridget says:

    DJ said Grandma was going to put her in charge of the turkey and when I heard that, I thought “She’s a 10 year old Tanner girl, not a 10 year old Duggar girl!”. I think a kid of ten could be trusted to make the stuffing or set out the pie, but not make a 14 to 20 lb. bird! I saw the AFV episode with a vegetarian girl who made her first Thanksgiving turkey and she thought the gizzard in the bag was the stuffing and cooked it inside the bird.


  8. Brady says:

    I had my groomsmen act out a scene from this episode as part of my wedding vows, which is probably one notch away from a Full House tattoo on my neck.


  9. Hyundai says:

    All of u suck my dick


  10. Amelia says:

    Troll! Troll on the blog!


  11. williec29 says:

    Yeah, I think the Joey getting his tongue stuck in the bottle while the bottle was stuck in the chair needs more explanation. Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe all we need to know is that Joey is a weird dude.


  12. Confidence says:

    The part where Jesse is showing the album to Stephanie, it says “Then Jesse consoles Stephanie by showing him his old family album.”, obviously should be “by showing her”. Nicky was off her game for this one.


  13. SJSiff says:

    Grandma couldn’t come because of the snow in Tacoma in November? Tacoma is an hour or so south of Seattle. Some winters we don’t even get snow at all. There have been a few times snow shuts the city and surrounding areas down (6-10 inches of wet snow, steep hills, above-freezing temps during the day then below at night leading to lots of ice, not a lot of snow plows and the like) but those are usually in late December and January. Hmm, let me pull out a photo album…Okay, found a picture of toddler-me in my Christmas dress, and there’s an inch or two of snow outside. Looks like it was a normal winter, where snow sticks around for a couple days at most.

    Just because we’re north of California doesn’t mean we get real winters. Sadly. I like snow. And LOVE your blog.


  14. Jeanne says:

    I know it’s already lame enough that 2 “hot” women happen to show up to a house with single men, and a turkey, which they needed.. But thinking back to all my holiday meals with family, and even including friends’ holidays, heck even families on TV or in movies or books… Shouldn’t the person who’s hosting the dinner make the main dish? (Turkey, ham, what have you) I understand bringing a dessert, or stuffing or something minor… But having someone else bring the turkey… That’s odd. What’s the point of hosting if everyone else is doing all the work?


  15. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    Funny thing about that episode that most of you DIDN’T know, is that it’s the episode where my former company’s logo (the LORIMAR-Telepictures logo) appeared in 3D at the very end. It killed one girl in Dallas and then we just went back to 1D.


  16. Isn’t this the episode that had that turkey-boot thing and DJ dropped it and cried?


  17. Nate says:

    I have never seen this episode and laughed so goddamned hard at your mention of Joey’s tongue stuck in a bottle that is stuck in a chair… Man, this show was shit!!


  18. Livvie says:

    I’ve never seen this episode… do they skip this one in syndication because it sucks so much? lol


  19. Kimmy's Fashion Sense says:

    Every time Joey does ‘Miracle of Thanksgiving *trumpet sound*’ I want to stab him in the ear with an icepick. Not myself, him.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s