Pre-credits gag: The Dads are all having so much fun blowing bubbles with Michelle that they don’t even notice when she wanders off. DJ comes in and jokes that they’d better have finished their homework if they’re going to be goofing off. Doesn’t anybody care that the baby just wandered off? I wonder how Eric Clapton would feel about this gag?
Danny films Michelle, hoping she’ll eat at her table like a big girl so he can share it with the viewers of Wake Up, San Francisco. I know I’ve said this before, but why the fuck would anyone in San Francisco want to watch a morning show where the host showed footage of his family all the time? Does Regis Philbin do that? I honestly don’t know the answer… Anyhow, I guess it’s as believable that people would watch Danny’s show as it is that real people actually watched Full House when it aired.
Stephanie barges in with her rad friend Harry and announces that she broke her school’s hula hoop record today. Danny totally blows her off so he can film the baby and the audience goes, “aww.” I can only imagine how annoying it would be to live with an entire family of attention-starved hams, but even still, Danny is surprisingly quick to tell Stephanie to get out of his face.
Meanwhile, the Uncles are hard at work on their latest advertising jingle. Whilst brainstorming, they do a rap routine that will make you hate white people.
Stephanie barges in with her hula hoop and the Uncles explain that they’re real busy but they’ll watch her later. DJ barges in immediately afterward, looking for help on her science project that she’s waited until the last minute to complete. For the sake of their own procrastination, the Uncles agree to help DJ figure out how to drop an egg from 2 stories high without breaking it.
When Stephanie sees that the Uncles have decided to help DJ right after telling her that they were too busy to watch her dumb ass hula hooping, she’s like, “what the fuck?” She makes another aggressive grab at attention with Danny but she just can’t compete with that hideous troll doll baby.
Alone in her room, Stephanie confides in Mr. Bear about how nobody gives a shit about her, prompting a fantasy dream sequence.
In the fantasy dream sequence, all the dads are so impressed with the baby blinking that they give her Stephanie’s bike. Stephanie has just returned from a trip to Mars but nobody gives a shit. Next, DJ is given royal treatment for getting the mail while the family ignores the fact that Stephanie has learned to fly. Although this is yet another dream sequence that seems to do nothing other than pad the story, it’s hard to hate on it because of Stephanie’s awesome pink spacesuit.
After the fantasy dream sequence, Harry enters Stephanie’s room for some arbitrary reason. She complains to him about her family and decides that she’s stuck there until she gets married. This leads to the brilliant revelation that she should marry Harry, and so she promptly forces him to propose.
DJ and the Uncles latest failed attempt on their science project is interrupted by a group of kids who arrive for Stephanie’s wedding. Also, Joey is sporting a serious Cosby sweater.
Stephanie and Harry’s wedding is exactly like every kids wedding you’ve ever seen on tv or in comic strips, complete with lots of mispronounced words throughout the ceremony and a Scooby Doo tattoo instead of a ring.
Meanwhile, DJ and the Uncles finally complete the science project, which of course inspires them to finally write their shitty jingle. Danny continues to obsessively film everything the baby does until Stephanie enters the scene and announces that she’s been married. As she prepares to leave the full house for good to start her new life with Harry, he immediately ditches her so he can be home for meatloaf night. Stephanie expresses her feeling that no one wants her and that her family will always treat her like shit because she’s the middle child. The family rebut with some positive perspectives about what it’s like to be the middle child, then the music comes on as Danny tells her that sometimes he’s real busy but she should always let him know when she’s feeling neglected. After she feels adequately consoled, Stephanie hugs each member of the family, one by one.
See, as of this episode a dream sequence is officially a clear signifier that an episode is being padded. There was no other reason for Stephanie to hug each family member individually than to kill time. Finally, as the credits roll, the family all appease Stephanie by watching her use her stupid fucking hula hoop.
This episode is actually pretty fucked up if you think about it. First of all, it seems pretty necessary to me that Stephanie’s family should put some effort towards discouraging her from barging into their rooms and demanding attention all the fucking time. That kind of behavior really calls for some tough love. Secondly, the fact that Stephanie’s immediate response to feeling neglected is to run out and get married is pretty alarming. I think that dealing with that sort of mentality and self-esteem problem requires a lot more help than some light talking over music and a procession of hugs. This brings me to my final point, which is that this episode is eerily prophetic of the life that is to come for the actress who plays Stephanie, Jodie Sweetin. I won’t get into it here but I figure that if you’re someone who spends time reading shit like this blog then it’s worth a google search.
therealfullhousereviewed.wordpress.com 
I would just like to counter that Stephanie and Harry in the wedding scene look super-cute and that it has always been one of the show’s highlights for me.
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I agree. That moment is a TV gem, mostly because Stephanie was the only non-annoying character on the show at that point, and Harry is the man.
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Omg. I made the mistake of watching this clip.. Billy, how can you stand the canned laughter?? I couldn’t even watch it for 20 seconds. I made it to 18 secs. I was afraid my ears were going to bleed if I watched any longer. Sir, I commend you for your awesome blog, and your ability to watch this cr*p for so many seasons!
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Even back when this show aired, I wondered who did her fancy hair.
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It’s just in a high ponytail and some barrettes, it’s too perfect but not too fancy that it’s impossible she did it with some help from a “wedding guest.”
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“I wonder how Eric Clapton would feel about this gag?”
This. This single line right here made want to jump your bones….how psychologically damaged am I that you referencing the death of a singers child to coincide with the hopeful demise of a sitcom baby makes my ovaries pump in hopes our spawn will be as twisted as this?!?!?!
Damn I Love this blog.
P.S. Stephanie’s behavior of wanting to run away and get married w/ the first guy she meets to avenge her dad is what My Mexican heritage is all about!
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I too LOVED this line. Freaking high-larious.
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Totally random, but my name is Kari, too! Spelled the same and everything.
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what is with the Eric Clapton connection?
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every review is better than the last.
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Eric Clapton? f-in genius.
Also? Asians don’t eat meatloaf.
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Ooh, good point. Borderline racist, but still a very good point.
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Borderline racist? Good point? What the even fuck. It isn’t borderline racist, that’s pretty straight up racist, which means it isn’t a good point. His family could be like third generation or even older, which means they probably eat a lot of different food.
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Uh, racial differences do have merit in medicine, though. Asians have to take a lower dose of Crestor than white people. African-Americans are the only ones who get sickle cell anemia and Jews are the only ones who get Tay-Sachs disease. In other situations that are not medical, race doesn’t matter, but in the case of disease, it matters greatly.
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It’s stereotyping and generalizing and possibly ignorant but it’s not actually racist! Not everything even mentioning race or the generalized preferences within that race is racism. No one is being oppressed by the notion that many Asians aren’t eating a lot of meatloaf.
Not to mention this was clearly a joke. I’m notable to reply to “Uh” or I would’ve instead, btw.
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Joey’s sweater is nice and all, but how about that cool man Mr. Bean sweater DJ has on. WTF is that? And where do I get one?
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How funny that the J’s are so wrapped up in blowing bubbles that Michelle wanders off entirely unbeknownst to them. They’re not just gay, they are some strange new breed of super-mega-gay.
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Damn people like you NEVER stop obsessing over gay people grow up and EVOLVE already ffs.
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Blowing bubbles doesn’t make someone gay unless “bubbles” is a euphemism…
When have you ever seen gay men blow bubbles?
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Has anyone noticed that the baby’s crib cannot possibly hold any baby who doesn’t want to roll out onto the floor? The mattresses go all the way to the top of the crib’s rails. Here’s more proof that Michelle’s safety is not their prime concern.
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Those are the rail paddings… the mattress is a lot deeper..
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I’ve always liked this episode for all the (horrible) reasons listed above. I think I’ve actually used the line, “I can see up your nose, darling.”
I’m glad you mentioned Joey’s sweater because reading this blog and seeing all of Joey’s sweaters has got me thinking this isn’t an accident. It might seem ridiculous, but listen: the producers of this show were fully aware that the Cos was (and still is, I’d guess) the supreme ruler of profitable family comedy. I’d say it’s no accident that they constantly put these sweaters on Joey to affect some sort of subconscious signal of, “Here’s the funny one.” No depth is too low for this show to sink to nab viewers.
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That ugly shite was just in fashion. It’s not deeper.
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I like the final part of this blog because it is so true about the future of Jodie Sweetin’s role in Full House. She is a very talented actress and its sad they didn’t utilize her to her full ability in later seasons.
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“Doesn’t anybody care that the baby just wandered off? I wonder how Eric Clapton would feel about this gag?” Oh my God, I just died laughing.
I read that line AFTER I was noticed that Michelle’s crib seems to have at least two mattresses on it and that the top of the upper most mattress seems to be a mere foot below the rail (assuming that the layer that touches the top of the rail is a bumper guard and not another mattress). Michelle, who may even be too old to have four-railed crib, could easily climb/fall out.
I wonder how Eric Clapton would feel about THAT?
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I swear I had not read the comments yet when I posted this. I saw the first photo and the opening gag description and immediately scrolled down to the bottom to post my comment.
Also: AFTER I was noticed = AFTER I noticed, which was poorly edited from AFTER I was noticing
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“Doesn’t anybody care that the baby just wandered off? I wonder how Eric Clapton would feel about this gag?”
I should NOT be laughing at this! Welp, I’m going to hell.
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Yeah, I think we all are. That was so perfectly evil, but my god, it was brilliant.
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I wish I had holy mattress money! Like millions of dollars!
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Why is it that friends of the girls always just walk into their room? How did they get in the house in the first place? Did they just let themselves in or did Danny, Jesse, or Joey open the door and tell them “Yea, they’re somewhere in the house. Go look for them yourself.”?
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Watching them answer the door to let the friend in would be the wasting valuable time better spent on the story. With a show this jam-packed with twists and turns that leave you on the edge of your seat they need every available second to reveal the intricacies of the nuanced plot.
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That kid from Neverending Story 2 is Jonathan Brandis, from such hits as Ladybugs and Seaquest DSV. He committed suicide for realz. Another one on the list of “now dead” including Michael Jackson and Patrick Swayze references.
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So, is anyone with me in thinking that Stephanie’s dream sequence where the “dads” fawn over Michelle for blinking isn’t that far off from the Full House reality?
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And the Michelle-centricity only gets worse with time. Seasons seven and eight are the worst.
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in reading some of the other blogged episodes, you have mentioned that you felt the show had a particular Asian bias, meaning, they are actually subtly hating on Asians.
So, do you think there is a coincidence here that they had Stephanie marry one? As kind of the ultimate in “fuck you daddy?” If I am to believe in the Full House Asian conspiracy of brutal- yet subliminal- racism directed at Asians-I’d have to believe the wedding was actually NO coincidence. Fantastic. I think you are totally correct on that. Spitting out sushi and eloping with an Asian, no doubt, there’s is terrible hate on this show.
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This brings me to my final point, which is that this episode is eerily prophetic of the life that is to come for the actress who plays Stephanie, Jodie Sweetin. I won’t get into it here but I figure that if you’re someone who spends time reading shit like this blog then it’s worth a google search.
Speaking of, she just recently divorced husband #3. Who’d ever thought that she’d be the one that would have that many marriages in a such a short amount of time?
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Drug addiction aside, Jodi Sweetin grew up to be pretty fucking hot.
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Dude, you are nuts, and full house is the best tv series from the 90’s and 80’s you have no right to treat us fans and our favorite show with garbage, I’m so ready to fight you some day, And besides as a teenager Stephanie is so hot! And she has my problems every now and then. You are a dork and and dweeb with no sense of humor!
Full House Forever!
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WHAT? HAHAHAHA
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Hi, Joey
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My daughter is watching the episode where Michelle marries Steve and he left her to go home for meatloaf too… and now I want meatloaf Lol
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Idk man…this episode lays the foundation of one of the few consistent storylines of the series in which Stephanie is slowly written off by the producers. I remember that by the end of the series, Uncle Jesse’s unbearable offspring had more interesting storylines than she did, all of it accompanied by Jodie Sweetin becoming more and more tense and wooden in her acting (something she tried to overplay by being needy and in your face obnoxious for a while before retreating sullenly into the background as the show pimped the Olsens and DJ’s various kissing scenes). The only other storylines of the same prominence and consistency I can think of are Danny’s descent into various anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorders and Uncle Jesse gradually but inevitably losing his youthful charisma and easy-going persona and becoming a weirdo has been.
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Kitty, you’re right about Jodie Sweetin because she probably knew she was playing 2nd fiddle to two sets of twins and the fact that there was only one of her clinched it! Are you watching the “Unauthorized FH Movie” on Lifetime? Maybe the movie will talk about that. In a way, it’s better to play 2nd fiddle because at least you’re playing in the band. I think when a show brings on a much younger, cuter costar on it can be quite threatening to the older children in the cast (I.e., Olivia on “The Cosby Show” and Andy on “Family Ties”). This makes it doubly harder for Jodie Sweetin because the Olsens got older and she thought she was going to be the star of the show and that never happened!
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Harry’s the only character on this show I don’t want to lobotomize
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