Season 2, Episode 20, “I’m There For You, Babe.”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle enters Stephanie’s room and demands a horsey ride.  When Stephanie tells Michelle that she’s too busy to give her a horsey ride, Michelle rips off Stephanie’s old routine of repeatedly denying the other person’s lack of availability and then fake crying.  This is sort of a landmark moment in the series, as it is clearly the exact moment where the producers decided to shove the middle child as far out of the spotlight as possible and give all of her screen time to the baby.  Stephanie may get the middle child treatment from here on out, but at least she’s got it better than Judy from Family Matters…

Jesse is woken up on his 26th birthday by his family singing, “Birthday,” which is yet another butchering of a Beatles song on this show.  Incidentally, did you ever notice how the Beatles are dying in the order of how awesome they are?  I bet Ringo outlives Paul by like twenty years.  Anyway, the girls gift Uncle Jesse with a plaque that says, “Worlds Greatest Uncle,” which they give to him right in front of Uncle Joey.  Take that, Uncle Joey, you big piece of shit!  Danny gets Jesse a day-planner, which is lame, and Joey gets him an Elvis watch, which I think is supposed to be a cool gift.  Jesse ruminates on how awesome everything in his life is going and then invites the family to his gig at the Smash Club that evening.  DJ reminds him about her soccer game that afternoon and Jesse says of course he’ll be there because he’s the coach.  Since when is Jesse DJ’s soccer team coach?

The Uncles fuck around in Joey’s room, “working” on their latest advertising jingle.  Joey comes up with an idea and performs it in sort of a meta-way in that he’s got his back towards Jesse, who he’s supposedly performing for, and is instead directly facing the studio audience.  Danny comes downstairs to pressure Jesse into using his day planner and to share the news that he convinced a big critic from the “San Francisco Mirror,” (which is not a real newspaper and doesn’t even sound like it could be) to come down to the club to watch Jesse’s shitty band perform their terrible music.  Jesse gets all excited and then tries to make time to work with Joey on their jingle and also look at Michelle’s jack-in-the-box with her but then he realizes that he has to go coach DJ’s soccer game.

As he’s exiting the front door Stephanie enters from who knows where, which is the second odd bit of staging in as many minutes, and demands that Jesse bake 100 cookies for her school bake sale tomorrow.  Damn, how you gonna demand 100 cookies with no notice?  And on his birthday, too?

Jesse returns to the full house after DJ’s team has won their game and is immediately forced to start baking cookies.  As he puts his humiliating apron on, Rebecca Donaldson comes over and promises him some hot birthday fucking and then starts making out with him in front of the kids.  It’s been a while since there’s been a scene where everyone is staring at Jesse’s while he’s making out.  I guess that’s because he’s settled down and stopped being such a big hoe this season.

So anyway Jesse tells the kids to get ready for his performance at the Smash Club and continues baking while Rebecca Donaldson reminds him that he’d promised to go with her to her Uncle’s First-Wife’s Son-in-Law’s wedding tomorrow.  Jesse tells her, “I’m there for you, babe,” which he’s said to everyone who’s asked him for something the whole episode, and then, as if the theme of Jesse having to help everyone all the time weren’t overwhelmingly apparent enough, Joey and Danny file in as Joey brings up their advertising deadline and Danny requests help with his car, which is just totally out of left field.  Instead of just telling everyone to back up off his nuts for like 2 seconds, Jesse promises everyone to help them but not until after his performance.

So I’m pretty sure that this is the first appearance of the Smash Club, which becomes a frequently used location throughout the series.  I know that they’ve gone to clubs a few times in previous episodes but I’m pretty sure that they never specifically went to the Smash Club before so I’m marking this as it’s first appearance unless some internet nerd can prove me wrong.

It turns out that Jesse double-booked his band so he’s the only one there.  The family offer to be his backup band and for some completely unknowable reason, Jesse agrees.  Why didn’t he just go up there and play his guitar by himself?  Why would he ever in a million years agree to have his no-talent, attention-starved family back up his performance?

So guess what?  They suck shit.  Also I think now’s as good a time as any to mention that Jesse is wearing a leather jacket with fringe and leather chaps over jeans in this scene.  So, yeah, anyway, not only is the family totally incapable of playing music, but they’re also totally inconsiderate of the fact that this performance is a big opportunity for Jesse and so they start hogging the spotlight by doing solos and telling jokes and shit.

By the end of their performance, after the entire audience has walked out, Jesse is visibly destroyed and yet the family just goes on gleefully singing campfire songs to an empty room. Man, I’ve seen this family act like assholes in so many ways now, but this has gotta be the assholiest move of them all.

In the morning, Stephanie wakes Jesse up by reading him the scathing review their band got in the newspaper.  The reviewer’s credibility can’t be called into question because the only positive thing he says is about Kimmie Gibbler.  After waking Jesse up with shitty news, Stephanie demands that he bake her those cookies, and then the baby comes in wanting him to play with her jack in the box, DJ has a soccer game, Joey needs help with a jingle and Danny is having car problems.  Everyone just stands around him and bitches about what they need from him all at once with no regard towards Jesse or each other.  Jesus Christ, as if this shit wasn’t bad enough before, the entire family just finished callously destroying Jesse’s dreams of being a musician and instead of processing that for a second they just go on demanding more shit from him.  Finally, Jesse does the first sensible thing that anyone has ever done on this show, which is to have a manic episode and then hide under some blankets.

Jesse awakens from a catatonic stupor to find his family bringing him accommodations for a much needed day of rest.  Danny tells Jesse that he needs to learn to balance his priorities, which is probably just another passive aggressive attempt to get him to use that dumb ass day planner, and then Jesse says he thinks it’s really important to be the world’s greatest uncle.  Man, he really took that piece of shit novelty plaque to heart.  The family reassures him and then they all dogpile on top of him before agreeing to leave him alone.  Everyone leaves Uncle Jesse at peace except for the baby, who still demands that he play with her jack in the box, which is supposed to be a cute ending for some reason.

So I guess the final lesson here is that Jesse needs to learn proper time management…  But what about he fact that his family totally ruined his musical performance?  Why is that never addressed?  All of Jesse’s time management problems come from his whole family being up his ass all the time and constantly fucking up everything he does.  It’s just appalling.  But, really, I think the worst thing about this episode is that it’s basically the same exact premise as the two-part episode from last season where Jesse takes off because the family won’t leave him the fuck alone for two minutes.  That was actually episodes 19 and 20 of last season, so the 20th episode of seasons 1 and 2 are virtually the exact same story.  See, the more you know about Full House, the more it totally fucking sucks.

Firsts: Smash Club

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46 Responses to Season 2, Episode 20, “I’m There For You, Babe.”

  1. Teebore says:

    Stephanie may get the middle child treatment from here on out, but at least she’s got it better than Judy from Family Matters…

    Man, ain’t that the truth?

    they start hogging the spotlight by doing solos and telling jokes and shit.

    It’s like a disease or something. Put someone from the full house in the lights, and they can’t not ham it up, consequences be damned.

    The saddest part of this episode is that someone, somewhere thought the whole “family backs up Jesse and ruins his career” bit was funny.

    Liked by 2 people

    • rmc says:

      “Man, ain’t that the truth?”

      Hm, the former ends up a meth addict, the latter does porn because her family bilks her out of her money. I’d say it’s a wash, actually.


  2. Uncle Jesse is only 26??? WTF?? And he’s settled for this? Any idea how old Stamos really was at the time? Just curious. Thanks!


    • Megan says:

      This episode aired in April 1989 and John Stamos was born in August 1963, so it’s pretty accurate.

      I’m 26 and the thought of living like Uncle Jesse would make me want to kill myself.


      • Thanks Megan! I love this blog. And this show sucks. And I hate that I actually remember these episodes. My little sister loved it. And she taped every episode and would watch it over and over. AND I can still remember when people at school talked about this show. One girl asked me if I saw the baby on it and I was waiting for her to say how ugly it was but instead she said the baby was so cute…and then everyone was chiming in and agreeing! I can’t believe how that memory has been etched into my brain. sad.


      • manos says:

        it used to climb up and down my spine when people would go ON AND ON AND ON about how “cute” and “adorable” and “hilarious” that trained chimp-duo was. “oooh michelle did this” and “oooooh she’s so cute” and “oooooh I just want to pinch her cheeks” and what not… As a result, I thought the whole world was blind when I was growing up. Ugliest tv kid. EVAR.


      • Mary says:

        Try living in a household where my parents were convinced (and sadly, rightfully so) that my sister looked EXACTLY like the Olson twins. At the time, I suffered severe jealousy and Stephanie syndrome when my parents would fawn over my sister and call Full House “her show” (I was only 4 when that show first came on the air, so I cannot be accountable for my actions) Now, I realize that it is not a proud thing to have looked like those trolls, and I feel genuinely bad for her.


      • Valyazhnaya says:

        I SO wish I could see a picture of your sister, because mine was told the exact same thing as a child! I always felt like a fucking fat troll doll when in reality SHE WAS THE TROLL. This is game-changing.


      • Austin says:

        Yes, but that baby grew up to be so hot.


      • Livvie says:

        Not really… I guess if you’re into the drugged out look than maybe.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hugh Jasso says:

    So guess what? They suck shit. – Awesome.


  4. Leroy Cook says:

    assholiest… you my friend, are building my vocabulary. poor uncle jesse…all this being a freeloadin’ douche should not come at such a price. if only he had the option of leaving…


  5. Lauren H says:

    “Stephanie may get the middle child treatment from here on out, but at least she’s got it better than Judy from Family Matters…”

    I literally said almost this exact sentence to my husband yesterday!

    “Since when is Jesse DJ’s soccer team coach?”

    Since when is DJ on a soccer team?! So I guess she no longer does karate…?


  6. JGA says:

    I’m surprised nobody has mentioned that Jamie Foxworth, aka “Judy Winslow”, went on to become a porn actress under the name of “Crave”.

    This blog is brilliant, btw. Just brilliant.


    • Billy Superstar says:

      i’ve definitely insinuated as much but no one ever seemed to run with it.

      glad you like the blog!


      • JGA says:

        “…Uncle’s First-Wife’s Son-in-Law’s wedding…”

        Jesus, the writers on this show were such fucking morons. Rebecca’s uncle’s first wife would be Rebecca’s aunt. Her aunt’s son in law would be the aunt’s daughter’s husband. But if the daughter isn’t married yet, how is it her son-in-law? Wouldn’t it be her fiance? Why didn’t they just say “Rebecca’s cousin’s fiance?”

        Such awful writing. I’m gonna go tell my mother’s first husband’s second son’s older brother all about it. Wait…that’s me!

        I really don’t know how you put up with this shit, Billy. You’re a goddamn modern marvel.


      • JGA says:

        * The daughter’s fiance, that is.


      • JGA says:

        Actually, upon further review, why the fuck didn’t they just have Rebecca say “We need to go to my cousin’s wedding”? I hate this show. This blog is its only saving grace. ON TO THE NEXT EPISODE.


      • Lisa says:

        I just saw that episode recently and I agree that whole line sounded dumb. An “in law” is someone you are related to through marriage. How could that person be getting married?


      • kevin jickity john says:

        If Rebecca’s uncle’s first wife (aunt) was previously married, she could have had a son-in-law if her previous husband had a daughter from a previous marriage who hated Rebecca’s aunt because she felt that Rebecca’s aunt had tried to replace the her real mother when she was growing up and later resented Rebecca’s aunt for disciplining her throughout her tumultuous high school experience and frequent run-ins with the law. That step-daughter could have later married a guy who got along really well with Rebecca’s aunt and he might have tried to be the voice of reason between his wife’s and mother-in-law’s ongoing feud. After enduring a few years of crazy mood swings and violent outbursts from Rebecca’s aunt’s step-daughter, this guy could have started cheating on her and developing a relationship with some new gal. Now the guy is re-marrying this new lady but is afraid to divorce his current wife until the last possible moment because of what she might do to him and his own family, so he’s filing the divorce papers tomorrow morning, which must be why Rebecca still refers to this guy as her aunt’s son-in-law. Why Rebecca is so close to her oft married uncle’s first wife is a different story and would make good fodder for a spin-off series about Rebecca.


  7. Mr.Manhattan says:

    Wow, they were really asshole Parthenons to Jesse

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Enea says:

    Jesse is 26? Seriously? That might be the most fucked up thing about this show thus far. Really.


  9. Lisa says:

    I’ve always wondered about the Smash Club. What kind of shitty establishment is this? A night club that let’s children in?? How can that possibly be the place where Jesse thinks he’ll get his big break??


    • PuppetDoctor says:

      I was going to bring up the same thing. Another thing that bugged me about this show is that the children for some reason always were able to enter the Smash Club. I would imagine since it is a club and has a bar you would need to be 21 or older to enter. What kind of club allows children to enter.


    • Meg says:

      I was just about to comment on that. Why are these children constantly allowed in nightclubs? Are there no adults-only establishments in San Francisco or are the Tanners just being their obnoxious, entitled selves?

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Santanaonfire says:

    OH, BOY!

    I fished the first year of posts! What a wild ride! I’ve laughed, I’ve cried!

    You are up season 5 currently, I can’t watch to catch up live. Until then, I’ll keep plugging away, and enjoy the ride.


  11. Axel says:

    It’s been brought up before, but…

    holy hell. I’m as old as Uncle Jesse. That hurts.


    • Jeff says:

      Hurts, indeed. I’m 26 with a 3 year old son named Axel. You have an excellent name,btw.

      I shit you not, this particular blog entry has sparked a quarter life crisis in my currently alcohol soaked mind. I’m 26 fkn years old, married with two kids. And even looking at these screen caps, John Stamos looks a HELL of a lot older than 26 to me. Have I started the old persons delusion? Do I look just as old as he, and I’m just fooling myself? Am I the creepy old bastard to high school girls everywhere just like Joey Gladstone surely must have been? My wifes is hotter than Rebecca Donaldson so at least I can be consoled this much.

      I suppose I’m lamenting at this moment that when Stamos was 26, he was famous on a bizarrely popular sitcom, and now that I’m 26, I’m an exterminator. Just like Jesse back when he was Jesse Cochran. Whoa, meta.

      This identity crisis will surely only get worse as the years pass, when the characters my age become millionaires with perfect lives and giant beautiful houses. I should just stop watching tv now and save myself the frustration. No wonder my dad was pissed off all the time.


    • Cyanide says:

      I have a little brother named axel btw But I feel really bad for this 26 year old man having to live with this family of attention starved freakish assholes… how does he not get the urge to light the house on fire every five minutes


  12. Courtney says:

    Holy shit. I am now older than Uncle Jesse was during the show.


  13. lugnut says:

    Just saw this on Nick@Nite at 4:30 AM half-drunk, but did I hear something wrong or is there a major goof in this episode? There’s a scene right after Jesse realizes he needs to go coach the soccer game where Kimmie and DJ are screwing around kicking the ball in the living room. Kimmie says DJ would never get a shot past her, but DJ distracts her by pointing and saying “Look, a jeans sale!” and kicks the ball through their goal.

    This is all fine and well, but I’d swear Candace Cameron then says “Whoo-hoo, Candace scores again!” instead of “DJ.”


    • Kylie says:

      She actually says “Tanner scores again!” haha. I felt the need to watch it after reading that comment and I’m pretty sure she says Tanner. And yes, I know I’m late


  14. megan says:

    he’s 26 years old it doesn’t mean he can do 26 things come on people give him a excuse my lanuage give him a fucking break!!!!


  15. Casey says:

    Oh my god. I actually love Full House (sad right) but I also love this blog. This is the best thing to ever come of the world


  16. williec29 says:

    This is another one of those episodes that drove me nuts. The Smash Club scene where the family rapes Jesse of any possible dignity as a musician. Why didn’t Jesse just say ‘get off the stage you succubi and let me just play alone?’ I have no idea why he allowed that to happen. And yes, I was very upset that no one in the house seemed to give two flying farts about the crappy review in the paper or the fact that Uncle Jesse looked like a freaking loser. They all just want something from him. I am not sure why he just didn’t move out and live with Rebecca. Oh and Jesse’s band is so popular they get double booked? Please…


  17. Kate says:

    Technically, Jesse is the girl’s only (biological) uncle. Pam did not have any other siblings and Danny only had one sister who at the time, wasn’t married (she’ll show up later–with a fucking chimp, I might add–, bone Joey, and then she’ll disappear forever). Joey was just a friend of Danny’s and the girls never had to use the formality of the title of someone who was “like” a brother to Danny (they never call him Uncle Joey once, even though I was forced to call my mom’s best friend Aunt Denise even if they hardly speak any more). So they probably got Joey a card for his birthday that says, “World’s Best Strange Man That Lives In Our Basement That Has More Toys Than We Do”. Trust me, Hallmark will have a card for that shit.


    • bd911 says:

      There has to be an uncle though because they have a cousin Steve. Of course, he did walk out on his family so I think even Jesse would be a better uncle than him.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Charles says:

    Well, let’s be honest, it’s not like Jesse was John Lennon without the Tanners…


  19. Lila says:

    When Jesse hugged Danny and Danny pointed out what he was doing, the look of shock on Jesse’s face was PERFECT. He was literally wondering what he was doing with his life. I’m glad someone in this show notices.


  20. Matt says:

    The part where Joey acts like a blues singer during “Do Wah Ditty” is possibly the funniest Joey did during the entire series. Which is pretty sad.


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