Season 2, Episode 21, “Luck Be a Lady-Part One”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle and Danny crawl around on the floor and bark like dogs.

“Wake Up, San Francisco,” is doing its first on-location episode in Lake Tahoe so for some reason the whole Tanner family is going.  Jesse looks forward to a long weekend of banging Rebecca Donaldson and says he plans on using the occasion to “tell her the three little words that every woman wants to hear.”  I assumed he meant, “I murdered Joey,” but I guess he’s actually planning on telling her he loves her.

While Danny and the girls check out their hotel room the manager comes in and refers to the place as the “FABULOUS Ali Baba Hotel and Casino,” about fifty million times.  It’s one of those jokes where they figured that since it wasn’t funny the first time, maybe it would become endearing if they just did it over and over.  And over.

Jessie calls up Rebecca Donaldson’s room to tell her that he’s ready to tear that ass up all night but she shoots him down, saying that she has to prepare for her big interview with famous actor Todd Masters tomorrow.  She consoles his swollen testicles with a promise that they’ll have breakfast together in the morning.

In the morning Jesse arrives at the taping of “Wake Up, San Francisco” all butt hurt because Rebecca Donaldson flaked out on their breakfast plans so she could go hang out with Todd Masters some more.  He tries to yell at her about it but the taping begins so he has to just stand there and watch her and Todd Masters have a sexually suggestive conversation on live television.  Incidentally, why exactly did they go to Lake Tahoe to interview this famous movie star guy?  What is the correlation between Todd Masters and Lake Tahoe?  Also, check out this shows rendition of a big movie star:  He looks like a naive art sculpture of Joe Piscopo made from old tires.

Meanwhile, the girls are seduced by the allure of gambling and convince Joey to play the slots for them because they’re too young and what the hell else is Joey good for?  Joey hits a winning streak and asks the girls to watch the slot machine for him as he walks off-screen to go get a change bucket.  And, wouldn’t you know it?  As soon as he’s gone, the girls just can’t avoid the urge to gamble and they play the machine, instantly pulling the grand prize of $100,000.  Joey takes the credit as Danny’s live show covers the win and everybody gleefully jumps up and down like a bunch of assholes.

For some reason Rebecca Donaldson just hangs back as the gambling win is covered and chats with Todd Masters as he continues to rub his boner against her leg.  He offers to take her out to dinner but she tells him that she can’t because she’s dating some failed musician with greasy hair.  Todd Masters is actually pretty amicable about the whole thing but that doesn’t stop Jesse from rolling up on their conversation and getting all bent out of shape.  Jesse talks a bunch of shit to Todd Masters and then hits on some fake-titty waitress to make Rebecca Donaldson jealous.  Then, as if all that shit wasn’t bad enough, he storms onto the show during the live taping, repeatedly interrupts anyone’s attempts to explain why he’s being irrational, and dumps Rebecca Donaldson.  Again, this all happens on live television.

Joey coaches the girls about keeping their cool while he collects their winnings from the slot machine.  Stephanie immediately lets it slip to Danny that DJ was the one who pulled the handle and Danny whips out his high-and-mighty set of morals.  Dodging responsibility, Joey uses one of the greatest excuses I’ve ever heard, “I had nothing to do with it.  I was getting a money bucket.”  Regardless, Danny insists that they refuse the money, which I guess might seem like a feasible decision since he’s a highly paid talk shot host.  Actually, you know what?  Fuck that.  There’s isn’t a human being on Earth who wouldn’t take that money.  Jesus Christ and Ghandi and Spider-Man would all take that money.

Anyway, once the flamboyant hotel manager arrives, Joey gives him a long, fumbling explanation in which he constructs a version of what happened that might not prevent him from getting the money.  Once he’s done the hotel manager tells him that the whole incident was filmed and he knows that the girls played the machine, therefore they do not get the money.  Well then why did he stand there and listen to Joey’s whole explanation???

Jesse confronts Rebecca Donaldson in her hotel room and is totally unapologetic about humiliating her at her job/on television.  He just accuses her of a bunch more stuff and absolves himself of any wrongdoing until Rebecca Donaldson finally clarifies that she turned down Todd Masters. Jesse then feels bad for about two seconds before opening up a while new spiel about how he just has to act the way he feels.  He tells Rebecca Donaldson that he loves her and then she says that she loves him too so, naturally,  the only logical conclusion is that they should get married that very minute.  Rebecca Donaldson agrees even though she’s commiting herself to sharing her life with a bi-polar narcissist who is clearly willing to destroy her career in order to accomodate his unstable emotions.  But will they go through with it?  Find out next week in the shitty ass season finale of Season 2!

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32 Responses to Season 2, Episode 21, “Luck Be a Lady-Part One”

  1. Teebore says:

    “I had nothing to do with it. I was getting a money bucket.”

    I think that’s going to be my default excuse from now on.

    “Did you take out the trash?”

    No, I was getting a money bucket.

    “Did you clean the catbox?”

    I was getting a money bucket!



  2. Rachel says:

    You know what sucks? I’m actually a little excited to find out if Jesse and Rebbecca get married. This is dumb because I know they eventually get married and live in the attic and have horrifying children.


  3. DrBitz says:

    And thus we see one of the greatest sitcom clichés of all time. The episode where a character nearly strikes it rich but screws it up because of their own stupidity or misguided morals. It happened all through the 80’s and 90’s in some form or another. (And nearly once a season on the Simpsons.)


  4. The Pizza says:

    nice post as usual. “I was getting a money bucket” SHOULD be a thing. great idea, teebore. also, I agree with Rachel – the second set of twins on the show were really horrifying. this show is actually somewhat historical in that there are TWO sets of the butt-ugliest twins ever.


    • Santanaonfire says:

      Isn’t the reason they used twins for Michelle because of child acting labor laws? They could actually film for longer by using one then the other? Also then ensuring that, not only is the shooting schedule not inconvenienced, but the actual twins never get to spend time together to develop that special twin bond?

      And by this logic, would that mean that the Katsopolis twins were really quadruplets? IMDB, here I come…


      • marino says:

        Accodring to IMDB, one set of twins played the baby twins (I guess because they weren’t featured as much as Michelle, they didn’t need to spend as much time filming? Or maybe by then the producers and directors had really streamlined the “make a shitty tv show” process), and another set of twins played Nicky and Alex from ages 2-infinity.


      • You could have a baby up to the age of two ON SET for a maximum of two hours. Kids being away from each other for fours hours a day a few days a week isn’t going to prevent bonding. Michelle was a heavier feature than Nicky and Alex. The boys’ scenes would be partly filmed during episode-weeks where they weren’t doing as much. That wouldn’t work for Michelle.


  5. rwan says:

    fuck u
    full house the best tv series in history


    • manos says:

      you must be talking about the alternate historic timeline where hitler won, and we’re all speaking german. Cause in THIS timeline, full house sucks the dick that blew the cock-snot into miss olsen who then wretched forth two of the ugliest mammals known to man from her gurgled up twat. The fact that this show even exists is proof that hitler may still be alive, or at the very least, the full house script was his last act of war before his passing.


  6. Leroy Cook says:

    “Jesus Christ and Ghandi and Spider-Man would all take that money.”
    …the hits keep commin’. i cant sit at this desk without reading this pointless shit at least once a day.


  7. PuppetDoctor says:

    [i]”Then, as if all that shit wasn’t bad enough, he storms onto the show during the live taping, repeatedly interrupts anyone’s attempts to explain why he’s being irrational, and dumps Rebecca Donaldson. Again, this all happens on live television.”[/i]

    Lol, that last line just cracked me up.

    I guess I am the only person here who actually liked Jesse and Becky’s twins. When I watched this show as a kid they were my favorite characters. Although, admittedly when I began to watch the show in syndication in high school it changed over to Stephanie who I feel is a very underutilized character. I actually didn’t like Stephanie as a child but by the time I was old enough to remember the episodes Stephanie was never used as a character.


    • Grace F says:

      I never liked the show very much at all, but I liked the twins ages 2+. I thought they were sort of cute. And Michelle took over everything, so the older siblings barely got any time.


  8. Mrs. Peterson says:

    “Also, check out this shows rendition of a big movie star: He looks like a naive art sculpture of Joe Piscopo made from old tires.”

    HAHAHAHA!!! Hilarious!
    I haven’t commented on this fantastic blog yet, but I just had to say that it’s lines like these that will keep me coming back week after week once I’m all caught up.


  9. Santanaonfire says:

    Screen cap # 2 is the gayest moment between Jesse and Joey yet. Jesse has bedroom eyes and Joey is swooning.

    The color palette (except Joey’s Cosby sweater) is all very gay as well.


  10. Gregorio says:

    This blog is making me do a ton of visits to imdb, mostly with depressing results. Todd Masters, however crappy his acting career was, has made a name by doing makeup/prosthetics for a lot of big name shows and movies over the past ten years.


    • Andrew says:

      I actually thought “Todd Masters” was a fictional celebrity created for the show…haha, thanks for setting me straight.


      • Red_Nicole says:

        He was. Steve Bond played “Todd Masters”. I wonder if Stamos got him the gig because they were on General Hospital together – Stamos playing “Blackie Parrish” and Bond playing “Jimmy Lee Holt” who was the illegitimate son on Edward Quartermaine.

        BTW, when they wrote Stamos off GH his character was going to jail for manslaughter for 10 years. It’s almost 30 years later and he’s still there!


      • Livvie says:

        That’s who he is! I couldn’t remember where I had seen that guy (Todd Masters) before lol. You saved me a trip to imdb. Stamos totally got him that job, just like he got Kin Shriner (or whatever his last name is) the guest spot as the cop who loves tomatoes that arrests Jesse on his wedding day.

        I must say that I like Full House (please don’t hold it against me) and I love these reviews. They’re hilarious.


  11. Cristina says:

    Bravo Sir!! I literally spit my drink out when I read that whole rant! Freaking great!


  12. DeeBerone says:

    Is that hotel manager the micro machines guy??


    • Katie says:

      According to IMDB, the hotel manager is Luis Avalos. He was also on The Electric Company in the ’70s and Tim Allen’s hit movie, Jungle 2 Jungle.


  13. mercury says:

    wow this blog is the single most awesome thing I’ve ever read on old sitcoms. ironically, full house is the only one I actually remember in vivid detail, perhaps because a lot of it was just as mind bogling to me as a kid as it is now.
    and I am so glad someone agrees that “Michelle” was hands down the ugliest kid on tv of all times. she actually looked not so much like a kid, but like one of those unfortunate people with rare genetic diseases who never age and just grow old and wrinkled in a toddler’s body. back then i was like 8-10 when i watched this and i just thought she was a creepy troll child. i have no idea how the Olsen twins got cast for this let alone how they went to be the only famous cast members after the show.


  14. Full house Expert says:

    This blog is exceptional. But why no mention of the fact that the only thing that could possibly unsexify 20 something John Stamos is putting 20 something John Stamos in turtle necks. Which the early season wardrobe people liked to do constantly. While we’re on the topic of firing the wardrobe staff, let’s talk about how frumpy DJ and Becky always looked. I mean, squeeky clean DJ Tanner looked like a grunge punk and talk show diva Becky Donaldson -to-be-Katsopolis looked like she might not be obsessed with her appearance. I don’t care that it was the 80’s/90’s and Becky was from Kansas… it was gross to look at on camera. Joey’s wardrobe was hideous but that’s realistic since Joey is a very creepy character. Danny’s wardrobe was lame but so is he, so that was fine too. Kimmy’s wardrobe was perfect for her loud ass white trash character–by the way, Andrea Barbara said that at the end of every season, they were allowed to take home whatever they wanted..and she never wanted anything because it was ALL “so ugly”. HAHA!!! The actress was the total opposite of her character. Gotta love it. Seriously, DJ and Becky got some BAD wardrobing.


  15. portcityperson says:

    I know it is off topic in regards to this episode, sort of, but I can not wait to get to the seasons with Nicky and Alex. I never could stand those two. They had the combined IQ of a potato, and the acting abilities of afterbirth. I bet Becky wondered if it was too late to have an abortion when she realized how fucking dumb her kids were.


    • Bridget says:

      I didn’t care for N & A either and I thought talented twins with dark hair could have been hired! Talented dark-haired twins played N & A as older Nicky and Alex.


  16. Logical Fallacy says:

    Wow, no-one has commented on the title yet? “Luck be a Lady-Part?”


  17. JCC says:

    I actually thought it was genuinely funny when Rebecca Donaldson blows off Jesse and then he pretends to blow her off over the phone and then Rebecca Donaldson walks into the room exposing his pathetic ruse. There was even a callback in the second part. Much like the blind squirrel, the Full House writers find a nut every so often.


  18. Martin Tanner's Ghost says:

    I can’t believe you didn’t make a three-way joke or at least mention Todd Masters offering to take both Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson to dinner after she turns him down.


  19. Flora Fauna Maryweather says:

    Jesse looks forward to a long weekend of banging Rebecca Donaldson and says he plans on using the occasion to “tell her the three little words that every woman wants to hear.” I assumed he meant, “I murdered Joey,” but I guess he’s actually planning on telling her he loves her.

    I am so grateful for you.


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