Season 4, Episode 23, “Joey Goes Hollywood”

Note:  The comments don’t seem to be working for some reason.  This will be fixed as soon as possible!

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle tries to get Jesse to play puppets with her but he really doesn’t want to do it.  She manages to persuade him by making a hideous face, which he refers to as her “very first guilt trip” even though she pulls that shit all the time.  She finally gets him to cooperate but then she just criticizes his unenthusiastic chipmunk voice the whole time.

Stephanie interrupts Kimmie Gibbler copying DJ’s homework by announcing that she needs to change her name because all the kids at school have been calling her “step-on-me.”  I gotta say, if the cruel nickname the kids at her school have given her doesn’t describe her face in any way, she should be thanking her lucky stars!

Danny comes in the room and delivers this really passive-aggressive front to DJ where he acts like he thinks her phone bill is so amusing to him and then he gets all pissed about how big it is.  Apparently someone’s been making all of these really expensive calls to Japan but none of the girls will claim responsibility for them.  During Danny’s investigation, Stephanie starts ragging on Kimmie Gibbler real hard, and even though her jokes are totally weak, Stephanie gets a big bumptious kick out of her own material.  It goes on and on, too.  It’s moments like this that perfectly define why I hate this shitty show so much: not only is it obnoxious and unfunny, but it’s patting itself on the back for being so clever and hilarious at the same time.

Joey abruptly enters the scene and tells everyone that he’s leaving for L.A. for the day and then exits the room just as quickly as he showed up, which is a pretty obvious cry for attention.  The rest of the family, ever unable to resist behavior that begs to be noticed,  follow him out of the room.  Once the coast is clear, Michelle comes in and makes a call to a woman in Japan named Miko, who is apparently perfectly willing to sit attentively while Michelle counts to 100 into the phone.  How did that relationship even get started?

The family are so dedicated to disregarding one another’s privacy and personal space that they block the exit until Joey will tell them where he’s going.

Joey discloses to the family that he got an audition for a role on a sitcom that stars Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello, but he was trying to keep it a secret because he’s pretty sure he’s going to fail miserably like he has at everything he’s done his entire life.  The kids are pretty unclear as to who Frankie and Annette are but Danny explains that he got his first boners watching Annette develop big ass titties on the Mickey Mouse Club when he was a kid, plus they made all those rad beach movies.  Danny tells Joey about a fan letter that he wrote to Annette’s titties when he was a kid and there is some speculation as to whether or not she would remember the note, which may or may not come up again later…

Anyway, Joey continues to stew in his insecurities about the audition but then Jesse tries to lift his spirits by evoking a fantasy sequence about how great it’ll be if Joey gets rich and famous on tv.

The weirdest thing about Joey’s fantasy is that he still lives in that room in Danny’s house.  I guess his wildest imaginings still cant produce a reality in which he’s capable of supporting himself.  Anyway, Joey walks around with leather pants on and delivers the same lame jokes he always does, except even more pompously than usual and with greater success, plus the Laker Girls live in his room with him.  Oh, also, a teenage fan appears in his room and starts grabbing at him and screaming, he has a poster that’s an enormous picture of himself on his wall, and that mannequin that he used to have when his room was the alcove is back.  So, yeah, the inside of Joey’s mind is pretty much as unsettling as you thought it would be.

Joey is so revitalized by his disturbing fantasy that he races out the door to his audition in L.A.  Michelle bids him, “sayonara,” which tips Danny off that she was the one that made the calls to Japan.  I’m impressed that Danny was actually willing to recognize that Michelle was the culprit this time, as he usually goes through several stages of denial and refusal before taking any sort of responsibility for what a terrible child he’s raising.

As Jesse puts the finishing touches on the cake he’s baked for Joey to congratulate him on his audition, Danny gives Michelle a fake phone that she can make pretend phone calls on so she’ll stop making hella expensive ass calls to other countries.  Subsequently, Stephanie refuses to come downstairs until she is called by the new name she’s chosen for herself, “Dawn.”  Danny expresses some disappointment towards the name his dead wife gave to his second-ugliest child being changed, but “Dawn” seems pretty confident that you can polish a turd after all.

Speaking of overconfident pieces of shit, Joey comes home and says that he kicked ass at his audition.  Proving that there is no justice in this world, the phone rings that very second and it’s Joey’s agent on the other line, telling him he got the part.  Seriously?  Who in their right mind would ever cast Joey for a role on a sitcom?!!?

Joey tells the family that they’re all going to L.A. to watch the pilot being filmed and then a camera zooming in on the Hollywood sign does as much work as a bunch of expensive exterior shots would have to let us know that the family is now in Hollywood.

For some reason Joey’s walking around in a bathrobe when the family visits him backstage.  Man, this whole episode’s like one traumatic Joey moment after another.

Anyway, Annette Funicello walks by and then Danny starts bugging her but then she remembers him from the creepy beat-off letters he used to write her and is actually happy to meet him.

Becky comments on what an embarrassing ass-kisser Danny is being but then she gets all up in Frankie Avalon’s face when he shows up.  Wait, before we move on, I just want to make sure you guys all got that:  Danny was ogling Annette Funicello and then Becky was judging him for it, but then when Frankie Avalon showed up she did the exact same thing.  You see, it’s ironic because she herself exhibited the same behavior that she’d criticized just moments earlier.  Adding layers to it, the seed for this entire interaction was planted in a previous scene, when Danny mentioned the creepy beat-off letters he’d written to Annette Funicello when he was a kid.  Also, there is a woman in Japan who will sit and listen while Michelle counts into the phone.

Rounding out the guests stars’ subjection to the personalities of the Full House cast, Jesse talks hair maintenance with Frankie and Stephanie insists that they call her, “Dawn Arielle Tanner.”

So then they start to film the pilot, which is for a show called Surf’s Up.  So what is this exactly?  I remember on Married…With Children how they would sometimes have episodes that were actually pilots for some other show the creators were trying to get on the air, but I don’t think that’s what this is.  I guess Surf’s Up should be taken at face value as the fictional pilot on an episode of Full House, but if that’s the case then why is it given so much screen time?  At least nobody spent any money on sets or anything.  Seriously, the beach set on Surf’s Up keeps the Malibu Sands beach episodes of Saved By the Bell from being the shittiest looking beach location in the history of television.

Frankie and Annette sing, “Who Put the Bomp in the Bomp, Bomp, Bomp,” to a bunch of extras in bikinis until Joey runs in and interrupts them.  During his buffoonish entrance, Joey is trampled by a herd of beach-goers and Michelle fucks up the shoot by hollering at him to make sure he’s ok.  It’s not enough for the Tanner family to have the pilot be ruined just by one of their own being featured in it, they have to fuck it up even more by interrupting the shoot, too.

Joey plays Flip, Frankie and Annette’s idiotic mailman who is more or less a shitty impression of Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.  Joey delivers a letter to Frankie and Annette from the Beach Boys, who I assumed would be sending a letter of commiseration for being another once-likeable act that have hit an all-time low by appearing on Full House, but they’re actually just inviting them to perform at their show in Hawaii.  Joey offers to watch Frankie and Annette’s burger stand for them while they’re gone and then he sets his ass on fire.  And that’s it.  That’s the whole Surf’s Up pilot.

Later, back at the full house, Danny tells Stephanie that he thinks the name “Dawn” is at least as lame as her real name and she agrees to go back to being called Stephanie pretty quickly.  Just as that subplot wraps up, Joey comes into the living room and tells everyone that, much like most people in show business, he’ll be finding out the fate of the pilot he appeared in by watching a segment on the Hollywood Insider.  Joey actually says that his agent called to tell him this.  Why wouldn’t the agent just tell him the actual news?

Anyway, the host of the show says that Surf’s Up has been picked up by the network but that it will now be an animated series.  Joey is disappointed until he finds out that he’ll be voicing his same character, who is now a kangaroo.

Joey is unsure if he can do a kangaroo voice that’s as shitty and irritating as all of his other terrible impressions but then Jesse helps him figure out how to hack it out in like 2 seconds, and then the credits come on.  Wait, what?  Does that mean that Frankie and Annette are gonna make a bunch more appearances on Full House since they’re Joey’s coworkers now?  I have no memory at all of Joey ever having this job so i don’t know if this storyline is just going be lost like so many others that came before it or what.  Anyway, who gives a shit?  All that matters is that we get a closer shot of that production artwork for the Surf’s Up cartoon.  Dang, you guys, somebody got paid to draw that.

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45 Responses to Season 4, Episode 23, “Joey Goes Hollywood”

  1. Teebore says:

    announcing that she needs to change her name because all the kids at school have been calling her “step-on-me.”

    Seriously, if “Step-on-Me” is your biggest problem, you ain’t got problems…

    Michelle comes in and makes a call to a woman in Japan named Miko, who is apparently perfectly willing to sit attentively while Michelle counts to 100 into the phone. How did that relationship even get started?

    Further proof that in the Bizarro-verse of Full House, the denizens of the Full House reign supreme! Everyone else HAS to do what Michelle says!

    I remember on Married…With Children how they would sometimes have episodes that were actually pilots for some other show the creators were trying to get on the air, but I don’t think that’s what this is.

    I remember that too! I’m pretty sure there was one that featured a very young, pre-Friends Matt LeBlanc, in fact. That crap always weirded me out as a kid.

    the beach set on Surf’s Up keeps the Malibu Sands beach episodes of Saved By the Bell from being the shittiest looking beach location in the history of television.

    Sadly, those Malibu Sands episodes were shot at an actual beach club (well, the exterior stuff, anyway). It was the same club that Beverly Hills, 90210 used for their beach club episodes too.

    Yes, I am a nerd.

    Why wouldn’t the agent just tell him the actual news?


    Dang, you guys, somebody got paid to draw that.

    Maybe it was just some producer’s kid’s drawing? That would explain a lot…


    • Billy Superstar says:

      Yeah, Joey from friends was on a show called top of the heap that started out as an episode of married… with children. i think it lasted about half a season.

      i know that the malibu sands beach episodes were shot on location but they still look pretty shitty. i think its because its like 40 degrees out and overcast in every single episode. i love on the dvd commentary where peter engel talks about how the interiors are a set and the exteriors are on location, which, according to him, you can’t tell because the interiors were so perfectly replicated. peter engles sbtb commentaries are so fucking amazing! i wish he’d done more of them…


      • Teebore says:

        Despite having the SbtB DVDs, I have never listened to the commentaries. Sounds like I need to do that.

        You’re right though: it does always look miserable outside in those episodes.


      • Billy Superstar says:

        there are only a few commentaries but the ones with peter engel are pretty fucking hilarious and sort of unintentionally explain how a show like that could ever have been made.


      • Melanie says:

        Well, now I feel like I HAVE to rent SBTB DVDs just to hear the coomentary even though I’m pretty sure the entire series is currently on Netflix.


      • pdxcentric says:

        If I remember correctly, wasnt the pre-Friends Joey sitcom where he was named Vinnie Verducci or something like that and used to say “va voom” all the time? It’s too bad that shit is probably unfindable because that show was fertile grounds for reviewin’


      • Livvie says:

        90210 got to shoot in the summer while SBTB was relegated to shooting their beach episodes in the winter lol.


  2. First, great review! I’ll assume the lack of comments is because of the technical issues you espoused.

    Doesn’t DJ have to pay for her own phone bill? Then again, Danny probably didn’t stick with it, because none of these kids are ever made to follow though on anything, and are never given any actually responsibility.

    More important that how the relationship got started, how does Michelle even know how to all Japan? I tried to call the U.S. from Mexico on my honeymoon once, and I could not figure that shit out.

    Not only do I doubt that Joey would ever have any one fawning over him, (much less the Laker girls – BTW, don’t the 49ers have girls?) no matter how popular his tertiary, insignificant character is on this show, I doubt that even Dave Coulier had anyone fawn over him no matter how popular Full House got.

    It surprises me not at all that Joey would be comfortable still living in Danny’s house rent free, even if he did hit it big in a show. What does surprise me is that he would reside in S.F. when the show is shot in L.A. Maybe he flies his f’in plane down there for the shoots.

    And in conclusion, I’m sure they will never mention Joey’s job again. It was just a lame excuse for yet another crappy Full House episode.


    • pdxcentric says:

      “I doubt that even Dave Coulier had anyone fawn over him no matter how popular Full House got.”

      Apparently he managed to parlay some theater beej out of Alanis Morrissette.


  3. Riggins says:

    Could be mistaken, but isn’t the overzealous teenage fan in Joey’s fantasy none other than Kimmie Gibbler? I feel like in the fantasy world of Full House Gibbler is usually shat on, which speaks volumes of grown ass men having weird fantasy sequences that include their teenage daughter/niece’s underage best friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. flower says:

    Quit using bad language!


  5. Emily says:

    I see from your screencaps that this episode was screwed up on your DVD too. Apparently they couldn’t find a good copy of this episode? But it looks fine when it plays on TV . . .

    Fun fact, Lori Loughlin played Frankie and Annette’s daughter in one of those beach party movies – 1987’s “Back to the Beach” ( Does that mean she was crushing on her own dad? Ew.


    • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

      We don’t need no stinkin’ continuity…


      • BC says:

        She probably called in a favor to get them on FH. If you want to see some prime shots of Rebecca’s hot ass, that movie has some nice shots of her shaking it.


  6. Sarah Portland says:

    Most of what I remember about this episode was feeling sorry for kids named Stephanie and Dawn 😛


  7. e_x_i_t says:

    Wait so Danny didn’t do shit about Michelle talking to some Chinese lady for hours on end, he just gave her a fake phone and that was that? As if that poorly thought out diversion will stop the little hell beast from using DJ’s phone, chaining her to a tree in the backyard like the little monster she is would help solve her behavioral problems tho.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Stacy says:

    In the screencap of Joey’s fantasy sequence, I thought that it was a poster of Hugh Hefner and not Joey at all!


  9. Dawn says:

    First off don’t ever feel bad for Dawns They rock! The only annoying name thing I’ve found over the yrs is ppl thinking its funny to sing Delta Dawn wen they see you. Obviously I specifically remember this el. & wen Danny was going thru the bad things about ‘dawn’s I remember thinkin no one Ever is lame enough to say that shit to me. I guess only in the full house world are those considered insults. MORE IMPORTANT: Did anyone notice how tired & shitty Jesse looked this episode? Seriously in one scene his eyes were barely open! Maybe after hearing Joeys good news the snuck to their working area & Jesse let joey catch for awhile- It’s gotta be hard keeping up with a newly busted virgin & ongoing penis parties-there’s so much love in the full house!


  10. Megan says:

    the name Stephaine is a really pretty name so why does she want to change it? okay so some kids are teasing you saying step on me hey there kids they’ll grow out of it. the name Stephaine is a nice lovely beautiful classy and very sophisacted name. i like the name Stephaine. im a Megan i have a childs name.


  11. Laci says:

    I was just watching this episode, and during the “beach”scene there is a lady in a bikini in the background that does not seem to be wearing a top. Her nipples are very, very clearly displayed….I paused it on my tv and sure enough, she’s topless. How did that slip by?

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Ashley says:

    At least I never had to watch this episode to find out what happens. I was able to read about in on this blog. I’ve avoided any episode that centers around Joey. Apparently I am not missing much. Although you can say the same for any Full House episode.

    I hate Joey. I wonder if anyone actually even liked Joey, even people who are fans of this show. I know I loved this show when I was kid, and I never liked him. Michelle and Joey are probably the two most hated characters on this show.


  13. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    Laker Girls. No objectification of women there.

    And the little princess strikes again with her calls to the Pacific Rim. Send the bill to Gloria and Dawn, the ugly stepsisters. Domo.


  14. rmc says:

    If I remember correctly, there was also some bullshit about how Danny sprayed his creepy jerkoff letters to Annette Funicello with Pledge, basically retconning his anal hyper-retentive clean freak persona into being a lifelong character flaw.


  15. Ceeslaw says:

    Ah. The one with Annette Funny Jell-o.


  16. Wiley207 says:

    Given how the cartoon version of “Surf’s Up” was devised due to the success of “The Simpsons,” I’m betting if they did follow up on it in later episodes, it would’ve been cancelled after one season, like a few other prime-time animated shows that attempted to duplicate “The Simpsons”‘s success in the early 90s (such as Hanna-Barbera’s “Fish Police” and “Capitol Critters.”)


  17. Steve says:

    I remember how Danny said the kids would call her “DAWWWNER and Blitzen, or DAWWWWNALD Duck” or they’d sing “Dawn Dawn Dawn Dawn d-d DAWN DAWN DAWN” to the tune of the William Tell Overture, and that just makes me laugh for some reason.


  18. Laurie says:

    Ugh I hate “Pilot Within an Episode” episodes. To my recollection, Married With Children did it, The Nanny did it and Golden Girls did it. Empty Nest was birthed from Golden Girls. But, I digress. Joey sucks.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Casey says:

    Just now realizing that the artwork at the end indicates that Joey will be playing a female kangaroo.


  20. The Pillow Person says:

    Did anyone else notice that Michelle introduces Joey in his fantasy dream like “Here’s Johnny!”


  21. Bridget says:

    Stephanie’s jokes are unfunny Dad jokes.


  22. Andrew says:

    Joey saying he was flying to L.A. just so he could get a bag of honey roasted peanuts was hilarious. But seems more like something Waldo from family Matters would do.


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