Season 5, Episode 6, “The Legend of Ranger Joe”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Stephanie gifts Michelle with her old tap shoes and tries to teach her a routine called “Tea For Two.”  Michelle attempts to repeat the act and sucks at it, but the audience seems to like it anyway, leaving Stephanie to sit off to the side with her head in her hands.  This sums up their relationship pretty well, I’d say.  It seems clear that the actress who plays Stephanie has a genuine interest in dance since her character so frequently busts out some dance moves, as shown here, but the audience would rather watch the baby suck at it than see the middle child attempt to do a decent job.  I guess it’s kind of understandable that having a childhood like this would lead someone to do a bunch of meth and then write a book about it and then do a bunch more meth.

Jesse eagerly tells DJ that he hopes his twins are a boy and a girl so he can name them Elvis and Priscilla.  Ok, never mind how creepy his stupid Elvis obsession is even, just think about how he wants to name his children after a married couple.  Jesse then goes on a big thing about how a person’s name determines their whole life and then DJ asks him why he’s so obsessed with names even though he just explained why.  Jesse then alludes to having gotten some shit about his name as a kid but then he doesn’t want to say more, which prompts DJ to invade his privacy in the very near future.  What else did he think would happen?  Privacy and the full house are like Joey and hilarious jokes.

Speaking of how terribly unfunny Joey is, he comes downstairs, looking like shit, and complains to Jesse about how badly he did at the club the night before.  I wonder if it was the Smash Club?  That’s like the only club where anything ever happens, right?  I bet it was the Smash Club.  Anyway, Joey has a rare moment of self-awareness when he says that his life is going nowhere, but it’s immediately contradicted by a totally ironic statement about how he can’t catch a break.  By that model, you know who really can’t catch a break?  Every adult in the world who has a job and pays rent.

If you had assumed that the next thing that would happen would be a radio station calling with a trivia question about Deputy Dog, then you, my friend, were correct.  Joey wins two tickets to a Donny and Marie show and then, signifying even further that his luck’s about to change, the cable guy shows up immediately when Joey was afraid he’d have to wait all day.  And what’s more, the cable guy’s a fine ass broad.

Not only that, but she recognizes Joey from his shitty stand-up and tells him that it really moistens her vagina to see a grown man do terrible impressions of cartoon characters. This seemed pretty far-fetched to me, but then I remembered that there’s some kind of rule on tv where a repair person has to either be a big fat guy or a really easy sexy lady.  I don’t know why this is, but it’s true even on good shows.

Joey musters up some courage and follows the cable lady into the living room, where she tells him that she scored him some extra channels for free and then turns on the tv to reveal the most sexual image that’s ever been on the show.

You kind of have to see it in motion to get the full effect, but those cars are definitely making love.  I guess that even these obscene images still weren’t enough to make the chemistry between Joey and the cable lady seem plausible, so she starts complaining about how she couldn’t get tickets to the Donny and Marie show, providing the perfect in for Joey.  He tells her that he just won tickets and offers to take her with him and then she gives him her number and is like, “after that Donny and Marie show, we’re totally gonna fuck.”

After the cable lady leaves, Jesse comes into the living room and tells Joey that it’s time for them to watch Wake Up, San Francisco.  I wonder if they watch it together every day while they sit in Danny’s house and eat his food and don’t have jobs.  Danny introduces the episode’s guest, Ranger Roy, and then he goes into a long ramble until Becky tells him to shut the fuck up because their show’s only half an hour long.  I thought this was remarkable because I’d always assumed that Wake Up, San Francisco was an hour-long show.  Aren’t all morning shows at least an hour long?

Ranger Roy announces that he’ll be retiring soon and is looking for a replacement.  While viewing at home, Joey expresses a desire to replace Ranger Roy just as Danny suggests him for the position.  Displaying a complete lack of consideration for all of the viewers at home who aren’t Joey, they proceed to make plans for Joey’s audition as Joey watches and revels in the lucky day he’s having.

The next scene opens with Michelle stomping frantically in her tap shoes while shouting “tea for two and two for tea” over and over again.  Stephanie is clearly bothered but Michelle just stomps and shouts while staring intently at her the whole time, and she even gets pissed at Stephanie because she doesn’t want to watch.  This grotesque nightmare of a wacky situation is interrupted by something even more hellish: the debut of Mr. Woodchuck.

Down at the tv station, Danny thanks Ranger Roy for granting his stupid worthless piece of shit friend an interview but when he reaches out to shake his hand, Ranger Roy recoils and says that he suffers from acute physical paranoia, which means he doesn’t like to be touched.  I’m not even going to question whether or not that’s a real thing.  When Joey shows up, Danny warns him by saying, “you can’t touch him,” but Joey, unable to understand simple, straightforward advice, interprets this as a metaphor.

At the start of Joey’s audition, he busts out Mr. Woodchuck and tells a single joke about wood before hanging him up.  I was going to have to mention this sooner or later, so I’ll just point out here that Joey has no ventriloquism skills whatsoever and that they try to resolve this by zooming in on Mr. Woodchuck whenever his voice is being done.  Anyway, the rest of the audition is just Joey doing those stupid fucking impressions that I hate so much.  After literally 30 seconds of auditioning, Ranger Roy says that Joey is clearly the guy that he’s looking for and hires him.  Joey is so overjoyed by this news that he starts aggressively hugging Ranger Roy and wont stop, even when Danny tries desperately to pry him off and tells him, “stop hugging him!”

Joey runs off in a manic frenzy but the second he’s gone Ranger Roy gathers himself together enough to tell Danny that Joey’s fired.  Dang, Joey and Ranger Roy’s relationship is less than a minute and a half old and already it’s seen such peaks and valleys. Also, the guy who plays Ranger Roy has the most amazing face in the world.

As Stephanie and Aunt Becky watch tv together in the living room, Michelle comes in, turns the tv off, jams her finger in Stephanie’s face and angrily accuses her of stealing her tap shoes.  Damn, I think this might be the rawest shit we’ve seen on Full House so far.  That little girl does not give a fuck.

This is some next-level obnoxious little girl shit right here.  When Stephanie responds to Michelle’s questioning, Michelle retorts by saying, “duh!” which really gets the audience all riled up.  She’s actually said this in the last few episodes, with similar reactions from the audience, but I didn’t know it was going to become a thing so I never mentioned it.  I guess it’s like a mini catch-phrase.  “Duh!”  Put that on a t-shirt!  Aunt Becky doesn’t even discourage this behavior at all, either.  She actually takes Michelle’s side and asks Stephanie what she did with the tap shoes.  It’s become really difficult to make a point of it when this show reaches a new level of obnoxiousness because I’ve already hated on it so hard for so long, but even after all I’ve seen, this scene is shocking.  Michelle doesn’t even make any jokes, she just acts like a complete fucking asshole.  Man, this show’s gonna have me believing in child abuse by the end, I just know it.

Abruptly, Joey runs in and summarizes his storyline in the episode so far and then runs off again.  What the fuck?  Just then, DJ comes downstairs and tells everyone that she spent enough time invading Jesse’s privacy to uncover that his real birth name is “Hermes.”  I thought she was gonna tell them about how his last name is really Cochran.

Comet the dog walks in carrying Michelle’s tap shoes in his mouth, followed by Jesse, who says that they were buried in the yard.  Stephanie admits that she buried them and then launches into a frantic monologue about how Michelle is driving her crazy, but then everyone just ignores her as she walks away.  After that annoying diversion wraps up, Michelle refers to Jesse as “Uncle Hermes” and then everyone laughs at him.  Jesse tells everyone that the name Hermes is rad and if they don’t like it then they can go fuck themselves and that’s pretty much the end of the Uncle Hermes story.  It’s weird how they’ve been using these tertiary plotlines that don’t go anywhere lately.  I guess they’re better than all those dream sequences they used to do to pad episodes.

Danny tries to tell Joey about how he got fired for his irresponsible hugging but he’s interrupted by a phone call about Joey’s Donny and Marie tickets being revoked and then the sexy cable lady coming over and telling Joey that there’s no way that she’s gonna fuck him if he doesn’t have Donny and Marie tickets.  As Joey tries to process this series of misfortunes, Danny tells him that he’s been fired by Ranger Roy.  After Danny explains Ranger Roy’s condition, Joey rushes off to intercept the hugagram he sent him, which is like a telegram except with hugging.  I’m not even going to question whether or not that’s a real thing.

Joey arrives moments too late to stop the plushophile that he paid to hug his new boss, which leads to the second scene in this episode where someone forcefully hugs Ranger Roy against his will while someone else struggles to pry them off.  Ranger Roy stumbles offstage where he hyperventilates as Danny walks up with Michelle and Teddy for some reason.  Danny tells Michelle and Teddy to go find spots on the Ranger Roy set, so I guess he was taking them to be guests on the show.  It’s strange how that was never mentioned before.  Also, Joey rushed out of the full house to come see Ranger Roy, but Danny, who was siting idly by when it happened, somehow managed to go get Teddy and Michelle and show up several seconds later.  But there’s really no time to process any of this, because apparently Ranger Roy is a live show and it’s about to start recording in a few seconds.  Since Ranger Roy is still recovering from that non-consensual hug, the people on the set force Danny to take his place.

Danny’s about as good at hosting the Ranger Roy show as he is at hosting Wake Up, San Francisco.  Teddy’s like, “this is some bullshit.  I came down here to see Ranger muthafuckin Roy, not some sorry ass punk,” and then Danny decides to grab Joey from offstage and get him to host the show.

Joey expresses his insecurities about trying to host the show and then Danny gives him a heartwarming pep talk, all on a live children’s program.  Joey then goes and grabs Mr. Woodchuck from behind a curtain where he left him at his audition because I guess no one would have moved him or anything.  Mr. Woodchuck tells three jokes about wood before Ranger Roy walks onstage and tells Joey that he was so amazed by his act that he’s decided to retire immediately and give him the show, then all the kids hug Joey.

Well, shit, you guys, that was the 100th episode.  I can’t believe I’ve watched 100 episodes of this shitty show.  I also just realized that the 2 year anniversary of this site was a few weeks ago, so everyone should eat a lot of cake this week to celebrate these things.

Firsts:  Mr. Woodchuck

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101 Responses to Season 5, Episode 6, “The Legend of Ranger Joe”

  1. Dana says:

    I think Ranger Roy is Morty Seinfeld, no?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Billy Superstar says:

      oh yeah! i shoulda checked imdb. i usually do…


    • Lauren H says:

      THAT’S why he looks so familiar! Thanks Dana!


      • Chuck says:

        Oddly enough, Roy remarks that he’s moving to a condo in Florida…talk about foreshadowing!

        And yes, WUSF was originally an hour show (Danny even mentioned it in “Tanner vs. Gibbler”)…guess Ch. 8 decided to cut it in half sometime between 88 and 91.


  2. carinthekitchen says:

    Wow, this episode showed some real depth in the writing. There’s the psychological base of middle child syndrome, Joey actually gets what he deserves for roughly 4 minutes, and the level of rudeness and inconsiderate behavior of the characters actually SHOCKED you. That is powerful stuff right there. Oh, and Joey’s hair in the screencap with Mr. Woodchuck’s first appearance is sooooo good. Those are some flowing locks that are definitely convertible-ready.


  3. Zozo says:

    Ah, the debut of the hell-spawn puppet Mr. Woodchuck. Was trying to think up a joke about wood, but this show already got them all.


  4. Jordan says:

    I remember this was my first exposure to hyperventilating, and it also being treated by breathing in to a paper bag. How the hell does that even work?


  5. Teebore says:

    Joey wins two tickets to a Donny and Marie show

    Further proving that, even when it originally aired, the writers ideas of pop culture were about 15 years late.

    the cable guy shows up immediately when Joey was afraid he’d have to wait all day

    I wonder if Joey pays the cable bill, or is just the designated cable/full house liaison because he uses it the most?

    I wonder if they watch it together every day while they sit in Danny’s house and eat his food and don’t have jobs.

    From now I will picture them doing exactly that. Also, they are laughing at Danny for working like a chump while they freeload.

    Stephanie is clearly bothered…

    Hey look, the show remembered her glasses!

    I’m not even going to question whether or not that’s a real thing.

    The whole “don’t touch me” thing, I’m pretty sure is real. Whether it was then or is now called what they called it, I’m dubious.

    I was going to have to mention this sooner or later, so I’ll just point out here that Joey has no ventriloquism skills whatsoever and that they try to resolve this by zooming in on Mr. Woodchuck whenever his voice is being done.

    Huh. Somehow I never noticed that watching as a kid, despite it being really obvious.

    Michelle come in, turns the tv off, jams her finger in Stephanie’s face and angrily accuses her of stealing her tap shoes.

    Snap that finger off, Steph! Snap it!

    and that’s pretty much the end of the Uncle Hermes story

    Aw, crap. Do we call him Jersey still, or should we switch to Uncle Hermes from now on? I can’t decide!

    then Danny gives him a heartwarming pep talk, all on a live children’s program

    Maybe the people of SF in the Full House reality are just used to that shit by now? Like, they’re watching TV and just shrug and say, “one of the Tanners is taking over the show again”.

    Well, shit, you guys, that was the 100th episode.

    Nice of the show to celebrate with a Joey-centric episode…


    • RachWho? says:

      I suggest Uncle Jesse be referred to by some portmanteaux of Hermes and Jersey. Jermses? Hermsey?

      Fuckin’ Morty Mothafuckin’ Seinfeld as Ranger Roy. How glad do you think he was that his character got a one episode arc?


    • Mario Speedwagon says:

      Snap the finger off? No way man. I say BITE it off, then spit it back in her stupid monkey face.


    • lugnut says:

      In fairness, as if the writers deserve it, Donny & Marie were actually on some kind of tour around this time. There was a bit of a semi-ironic 70s-nostalgia wave going on in the early ’90s and they cashed in on it while they could. Not too long after this they had a syndicated afternoon talk show, too.


    • Martin Tanner's Ghost says:

      Easy. Call him Jermes.


    • Lloyd Mongul says:

      Hermes is the god of travelers thieves and shepard’s and anyone who lives by their wits no this man is no Hermes


  6. Paddles says:

    I feel bad for Stephanie. This episode should have ended with the Ghost of Full House Future appearing to her as she sleeps and saying Don’t fret, Stephanie. For one day you will buy yourself some ‘tig ol bitties that will get you all the attention you want.


  7. carinthekitchen says:

    Looking back at these screenshots, I’m wondering if Stephanie Tanner is the queen of the hipsters. Is she the one to blame???


  8. Jimbone says:

    I looked at the first picture and instantly the song Tea for Two jumps into my head. I think nothing of it until I read the first couple of lines at which point I now feel dirty.


  9. ” I guess that even these obscene images still weren’t enough to make the chemistry between Joey and the cable lady seem plausible, so she starts complaining about how she couldn’t get tickets to the Donnie and Marie show, providing the perfect in for Joey”

    It’s almost as if everything were just scripted to perfectly fall in line for him…

    “As Stephanie and Aunt Becky watch tv together in the living room, Michelle come in, turns the tv off, jams her finger in Stephanie’s face and angrily accuses her of stealing her tap shoes. ”

    She looks like fucking Chucky in that screen cap. Or more accurately, the girl rip-off version from Dolly Dearest.

    “Just then, DJ comes downstairs and tells everyone that she spent enough time invading Jesse’s privacy to uncover that his real birth name is “Hermes.”  I thought she was gonna tell them about how his last name is really Cochran.”


    I was so excited that the show gave Joey all this good luck only to dash it all. Then I nearly cried when he ended up getting a new job at the end. If only the show could completely forget about Mr. Woodchuck like they did that Voiceover part he got at the end of last season… Total bummer. I’m going to go cry into some 100th episode/two year anniversary cake.


  10. CerebralPaulZ says:

    I hate duh so much! All the kids were saying it at the time and it drove me crazy. I hate Michelle so much.

    I’ll be seeing Joey’s act tomorrow irl, I plan on drinking heavily. If mister woodchuck is there, I’m leaving.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Billy Superstar says:

      let us know how it goes! did you get your shirt in time?


      • Cerbral PaulZ says:

        Yeah! I got two t-shirts today. I’m going to do my absolute best to get Dave Coulier to wear his for a photo. T-minus 5 hours, wish me luck.


    • Dunkel-Light says:

      I’m from the future, in 2020 I see a lot of people saying “Bruh” and is really annoying. I don’t understand where this came from…


  11. Starved Dog says:

    Great review, one of my favorites so far.
    So, this is the birth of Mr. Woodchuck (I’m Woodchuck over at the forums BTW)? Look forward to many bad “wood” puns in the future!

    Screen-cap 1: Is that Doogie Howser I see hanging beside of Nelson on the wall?

    Screen-cap 2: They sure do have enough laundry detergent (liquid) back there. With all the people in that house how come we never see them washing clothes? Between me, my wife and two kids – one of us is ALWAYS washing clothes!

    Screen-cap 3: I wonder why Joey didn’t have the decency to hide his morning piss-boner?

    Screen-cap 4: Looks like the Tanners would have a better TV than that late 70s model.

    Screen-cap 5: I’ve always hated how pregnant women in sitcoms only show signs of a large belly and nothing else. Believe me, women get chubby in their arms, legs, and faces, and their titties also get bigger.

    Screen-cap 6: Michelle looks like she’s straining a turd out. And, where did that table come from? It wasn’t there in screen-cap #1!

    Screen-cap 7: I want to point a loaded .45 in that mucus-covered mouth. And what’s up with the Barbie in the shelf? It only has one leg…

    Screen-cap 8: I would cough and gag if Joey hugged me also.

    Screen-cap 9: Awww, looks like a lost wittle puppy.

    Screen-cap 10: Ewwww, that looks like Chucky. I would have grabbed the remote and cracked her against the skull with it.

    Screen-cap 11: Something about this picture pisses me off.

    Screen-cap 12: It’s PEDOBEAR and Joey! Run for your very lives, kids!

    Screen-cap 13: Could a kid’s show look more boring?

    Screen-cap 14: Could a puppet for a kid’s show look more boring?

    Screen-cap 15: They should use this picture as a warning to kids against sexual-predators.


    • Steve C says:

      “Screen-cap 1: Is that Doogie Howser I see hanging beside of Nelson on the wall?”

      Actually, it’s a picture of Danny Tanner!


      • Starved Dog says:

        That is not Danny Tanner; just look at the screen-cap of Joey opening his big mouth. That is clearly Doogie Howser M.D..


      • Steve C says:

        Trust me, it’s Danny Tanner. That picture is in numerous episodes, and you’ll be afforded better looks at it in the future.


  12. Wilkins says:

    Allow me to provide a soundtrack for this image:

    Mr… Woodchuck…. LIVES.


  13. Bridget Hainline says:

    It’s not gross to name fraternal boy-girl twins after a married couple. Long ago, religious families would name their twins Mary and Joseph or even Adam and Eve.


    • Billy Superstar says:

      i think that’s gross, too.


    • magellan333 says:

      Sandra and Elvin from The Cosby Show named their twins, Nelson and Winnie, after a married couple, that later divorced.


    • Nicky says:

      Gross would be naming them Elvis and Lisa-Marie.


      • Bridget says:

        Denzel Washington named his twins Malcolm and Olivia and I wondered why he named them after that unhappily married couple Malcolm and Olivia Foxworth from the Dollanganger book series. Olivia locked up her grandchildren because their father and mother were half siblings.


    • It would have been better to name them Apollo and Diana, since Stamos is always pushing his Greek ethnicity in the audience’s face. I was shocked he didn’t name his twins Socrates and Aristotle.


      • Bridget says:

        LT, maybe Aristotle and Socrates are the middle names of Nicky and Alex. When you mentioned A and S, I thought of Aristotle Socrates Onassis who was married to Jacqueline Kennedy after JFK was killed. I thought Jesse would go the Greek way and use names from mythology too. I wonder if the boys would have been girls, would he name them Hera and Juno? I still like the names Nicholas and Alexander better than Dustin and Prescott!


  14. Navarro says:

    I think its amazing how easily these characters get on TV. danny and backy have their own tv show, joey happens to become the next ranger joe, michelle just so happens to be available for the filming of every episode of ranger joe to be in it, jesse got to be in a commercial last season, jesse and joey get their own radio show, and in season 7 joey somehow manages to get to host a gameshow for a day.

    this has got to be the luckiest family ever, they do no work but get all this fame

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Navarro says:

    and I cant forget stephanie being on that cereal commercial and joey having his own sitcom

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Bridget Hainline says:

    Off topica bit: if anyone wants to see a good, unusual movie with Elizabeth Olsen (Lizzie)’ go rent “Martha, Marcy, May, Marlene.”. She portrays a girl named Martha who escapes from a cult and is traumatized bythe experience. Lizzie’s older sisters, MK and Ashley certainly did not inherit their kid sister’s acting chops.


  17. pikachu says:

    What about starsearch?


  18. Joey's Mannequin says:

    -in nasally high pitched voice: Did somebody say ~looks back and forth, makes chip munk noises~ woooood?

    FUCK Mr. Woodchuck.


  19. Colin Sean says:

    Michelle could walk into the scene with a straight face, say the Jews had it coming, and the audience would go insane for it. I like to think that Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are experiencing some sort of karmic justice now because they couldn’t pay a studio to put them in a movie, and their little sister Elizabeth has been getting praised up the ass for the stuff she’s doing lately. It’s all very Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.


  20. PuppetDoctor says:

    Oh No! That terrible puppet Mr. Woodchuck has arrived with that awful show Ranger Joe! I was dreading this moment so much because I can’t stand Mr. Woodchuck and cringe whenever I see that hellish puppet.

    The whole “not being touched” thing is real but I am not sure of the name. Howie Mandel hates being touched and he won’t shake peoples hands because of it.


  21. PuppetDoctor says:

    I forgot to mention this but didn’t Joey do that pilot with Donnie and Marie which turned into a cartoon show. Wouldn’t he be able to have some contact with them because of that so he could get some tickets to their live show? Then again though this show has tons of continuity errors like many shows back in the day.


  22. Steph says:

    Who the fuck names one kid “Pam” and the other one “Hermes”?


    • JohnMo says:

      Awesome call!! How did I not think of something so stupid?!?


      • Bridget says:

        Julia Garner who worked with Elizabeth Olsen in the “Martha” movie did a movie called “We Are What We Are” and in it she was a teen girl named Rose Parker. Her older sister was Iris and little brother was Rory and I never heard of a Rory flower! This movie is about a canabalistic family and it was very good!


    • Sid says:

      We don’t know that Pam was her given name. Maybe she changed it to Pam because she didn’t want to be called Artemis.


  23. Taylor Kerekes says:

    As long as Joey admits he’s not very good at ventriloquism (compared to Edgar Bergen*), we’d be cool with that.

    *Anybody who’s a fan of the late Edgar Bergen would probably know that when he performed his characters, his lips would almost always be seen moving, but at least that’s forgivable for two reasons:

    1. Bergen always liked to poke fun at that fact in some of his routines.
    2. It shows that not all professional ventriloquists are perfect, whereas Joey is just an amateur.


  24. Dr. Bitz says:

    Why is every show in the Full House universe live? You know, if life was a sitcom all TV would be live and every other day something crazy would happen…except it wouldn’t be interesting or entertaining, just dumb.

    Shouldn’t a kids show be taped? What if one of the kids wet themselves? And if it’s live, why are they letting random mascots walk on the set and hug the host? Where’s the security!? And if all this zaniest and stupidity happening involved the magazine industry I’d be like “whatever.” But this TV, everyone involved with the show knows exactly how the industry works!

    And don’t get me started on the damned puppet. All Mr. Woodchuck is is every joke about wood ever made….except the funny ones.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Navarro says:

      why would a kid wet themselves? its only a 30 minute show that probably has a commercial break after like 15 minutes. im sure they tell them to go to the bathroom before. the real problem would be if one of the kids puked…cause you cant hold that in and you dont have much warning


    • Teebore says:

      Yeah, you’d really think the creators of a TV show could get the details of how a TV show works right…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Chuck says:

      That actually did happen (or at least it was implied)…in a later ep, Joey complains about the kids on the show that day, noting that he had “a crier, a wetter, and some kid who got a splinter in his butt” (aren’t those tree stumps on the set supposed to be fake?).


    • lugnut says:

      It’s not entirely unrealistic for there to have been a live kids show like this, but it certainly wouldn’t have been happening much (if at all) by the time this episode aired. Throughout the ’50s into the ’70s (and ’80s in some places) though, lots of channels had their own locally-produced kids’ shows like this that were just live from the studio and the host usually just played some games with the kids and showed whatever public-domain or cheaply-acquired cartoons the station had access to.


  25. Ben says:

    The point where Michelle starts saying “DUH” as a catchphrase is the point where she goes from “inexplicably considered cute” to “the horrifying product of Danny, Joey and Jesse’s approach to child care”. I can’t believe how a 5 year old can come across as such an asshole.


  26. Nicky says:

    a persons name –> person’s
    fine ass broad. –> fine-ass
    Donnie and Marie x3 –> Donny
    an hour long show –> hour-long
    wont stop –> won’t
    Michelle come in –> comes
    next level –> next-level
    After that annoying diversions –> diversion
    sorry ass punk –> sorry-ass


  27. Nicky says:

    For some reason, this Ranger Joe reminds me of Elliot Rhodes:


  28. Nicky says:

    (Skip to 0:54)


  29. Bridget Hainline says:

    I must insist that everyone be politically correct in regards to Michelle Tanner and call her an “Indigo Child” which is the PC term for spoiled brat. There’s a website devoted to these little monsters. The people who run the site think these kids are from outer space and have psychic powers. Michelle seemed to have powers of mental domination over the adults, but not over her sisters.

    Liked by 2 people

  30. Lauren says:

    Ok, not to defend Joey, cause good lord, I can’t do that. But Ranger Roy’s kind of an ass for firing him for that. Granted, hugging someone for getting a job is a little extreme, but it’s not like Joey knew about Roy’s panic issues. He was just happy about the job and hugged him.

    And wouldn’t the new host of the show be up to more people than just the retiring host? Like producers and network execs and stuff?

    Also, all these years later, I still have no clue what Ranger Roy is supposed to be about. All he did was sit there with that puppet that looks straight out of the bargain bin at Walmart and they did the “hug yourself” thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Navarro says:

      you act like its illegal to defend joey. ok no one likes him tat doesnt mean you have to go out of your way to proclaim that you will not say anything good about him, it really gets annoying


      • The Venerable Bede says:

        I think it’s a necessary preamble to defending Joey. Otherwise, I’d disregard the person’s opinions based on their horrible, horrible taste.

        Liked by 2 people

  31. pdxcentric says:

    It was annoying enough having that lame ass woodchuck puppet on FH, but does anyone else remember how some douchenozzle exec at ABC gave Dave Coulier his own show called “America’s Funniest People”? It was pretty much the santorum from America’s Funniest Home Videos interspersed with bonus Joey impersonations. If I recall correctly he used to recycle the woodchuck voice for another shitty character on that show.


    • JohnMo says:

      Yes, but wasn’t his cohost the very hot Daisy Fuentes? I bet she just loved those idiotic impersonations!


      • lugnut says:

        Nope, Daisy co-hosted a later incarnation of America’s Funniest Home Videos after Danny Tanner had left. Joey’s co-host was Tawny Kitaen, she of Whitesnake-video fame. (Though the *original* co-host was Arleen Sorkin, probably most famous for voicing Harley Quinn in the original Batman animated series… GOD WHY DO I KNOW THIS!?!)


    • Jen says:

      The Jackalope.


  32. Austin says:

    A kickass review like always, but a couple of the pictures near the bottom of the review aren’t working (for me, anyway)


  33. e_x_i_t says:

    “Michelle comes in, turns the tv off, jams her finger in Stephanie’s face and angrily accuses her of stealing her tap shoes.”

    Michelle accusations about someone stealing shit? She has some fucking nerve, that little bitch takes anything that isn’t nailed down. Stephanie should have slapped her in the face and wiped her hands of that entire situation.


  34. Pin a rose on your nose says:

    100th episode, huh? You know what that means….syndication and beaucoup bucks! What are the chances they put some of that money back into the show? Guess I’ll have to keep reading to find out.


  35. mercury says:

    “Ok, never mind how creepy his stupid Elvis obsession is even, just think about how he wants to name his children after a married couple. ”

    hey, it’s been done. Lily and James v.2 from Harry Potter come to mind.


  36. I always love to point out funny when I read it:

    “Not only that, but she recognizes Joey from his shitty stand-up and tells him that it really moistens her vagina to see a grown man do terrible impressions of cartoon characters.” 😀 LMAO!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Mandaliet says:

    As fun as it is to blame everything on the Olsen Twins, my guess is that Jodie Sweetin’s addiction comes from the fact that just being part of a hugely successful show is like a drug itself. When the show ended she was probably already addicted to the high of all that attention (even if it wasn’t as much as it was for the other cast members) so it makes sense that she would turn to drugs to try to get that feeling back.


  38. Melanie says:

    Ugh, Ranger Joe. I could actually feel my stomach turn when I read this title.


  39. Rachel says:

    I’m confused. Didn’t everyone already know his birth name was Hermes? They used that point already. There was a big ordeal in the Greek family episode where it’s outed that his name is Hermes but I guess since this episode is literally the biggest shit storm I’ve seen so far they had to bring it back.


  40. Claude says:

    Doesn’t Joey already have a voice acting gig for that cartoon show? Is he just abandoning that or is he going to do both?

    …Why am I even asking these questions when I’m fully aware of the writers’ blatant disregard for continuity and integrity? I think the other only show off the top of my head with worse continuity is Sabrina the Teenage Witch (also of TGIF fame!)

    Liked by 1 person

  41. trlkly says:

    The word for not wanting to be touched is hebephobia. And there does not seem to be a such thing as a Hug-a-gram, although there is a Hug-E-gram, but it involves sending a plush set of arms with a prerecorded message. And I though nothing could be creepier than that boyfriend pillow…


    • trlkly says:

      Sorry, I misspelled that. It’s haphephobia. And it also includes a fear of having your personal space intruded upon. Many also can’t stand touching others. Wiki that crap if you want more.


  42. Odotry says:

    That cable repair chick is damn hot, I mean she could making millions modeling, why on earth is she stuck repairing cables and dating Joey of all people?

    One thing that always bothered me about Joey (besides everything about him), the writers can never seem to decide if Joey is a loser or not. I mean he seems to score many decent gigs as well as plenty of above average looking women, yet seems to go nowhere in terms of careers or relationships. Is he a loser in the Full House universe or isn’t he?

    Liked by 1 person

  43. John Q says:

    I think this may be one of the worst Full House episodes which is saying a lot.

    *First of all it’s a big smug middle finger to the adult audience. I think they really got to a point around seasons 2-3 where they realized they could write the most ridiculous unoriginal, lazy, stupid and illogical piece of crap episode and people would still watch it.

    *What I hate most about this show is that it’s so lazy and dumb and has so much contempt for its audience. It became so smug because they knew people would watch this crap every week regardless of what they wrote. It’s like a friend who’s a big fat slob but somehow has an incredibly hot wife that defies all logic. And he drinks beer and eats chips and gets fat while she works hard to stay thin and in shape.

    *It’s also a big middle finger to any adult who has had to struggle in their life. Why does Joey deserve “a break”?? His whole life is a “break”! He’s a horrible stand-up who somehow gets continuous work. He ends up dating incredible hot women by accident. He rarely has a steady job yet he’s able to live rent free and eat for free in a beautiful house in San Francisco.

    “Mr. Woodchuck” is another big middle finger to the adult audience.

    *Wouldn’t the network take care of auditions over weeks/months??

    Joey literally does a 30 second audition of crap and gets the job.

    I don’t understand why the girls aren’t in school since this obviously looks like a week-day? And it’s not summer because Stephanie is doing some kind of home work.

    What the hell is Stephanie wearing anyway?? I couldn’t figure it out. Is she just wearing a yellow cardigan sweater with no pants?? And why is she wearing black cowboy boots?? Seriously WTF?

    This show acts like it’s the 1950’s-1960’s with the live kid’s show.

    Yeah, how exactly did Danny get to the station with Michelle??

    Why was Mr. Woodchuck still in the studio in the convenient location of the tree???

    There’s about another dozen ridiculous moments that I can’t even stomach to re-hash.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Bubba the Turtle says:

    Sexy cable chick shows up and wants Joey to give her the D. Did Full House really just venture into soft core porn?!

    Liked by 1 person

  45. I always called this the “Hermes Episode.” Another episode where Stamos wants you to know he’s half Greek, because you couldn’t figure it out by his last name. I wonder why he didn’t use “Apollo.” That would have been a much better name, since Apollo was god of the sun, male beauty, and also a twin.


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