Season 5, Episode 18, “Too Much Monkey Business”

Michelle answers the door to find a goddamn monkey standing there!  At first I thought it might have been a large mirror, but, no, it’s an actual monkey!  So what the fuck’s a monkey doing at the full house?  Well, Danny’s sister, Wendy, who we’ve never heard of before, is in town visiting and one of her few characteristics is that she has a pet monkey.  The girls are all reacquainted with their estranged aunt and introduced to Ginger, the monkey.

Michelle asks Ginger if she can do a monkey face and then tries to do one herself.  Bitch, every face you make’s a monkey face!

Jesse and Becky come into the living room to say hello to Wendy and then Ginger immediately reaches into Jesse’s pocket and starts giving him a hand job.

Joey enters the living room and promptly engages Wendy in some juvenile teasing.  Danny tells them to fucking quit it with that bullshit, then he asks Joey to drive Wendy to a job interview at the zoo.  Meanwhile, Ginger continues to grope and caress Jesse.

Stephanie opens a package that arrived at the house for “Tanner” and finds an African statue inside with a note that says that if it isn’t fed it will curse the house.  Suddenly, DJ and Kimmie Gibbler enter the room and say that they’re going to be in the bathroom doing beauty makeovers for the next 3 hours, then they leave as quickly as they came in.  Stephanie and Michelle continue to investigate the statue and then its eyes light up and it says, “feed me,” which frightens them.

Joey and Wendy return to the full house with Ginger, who continues to grope Jesse and put her mouth on him.  Joey and Wendy are left alone and there’s this really unpleasant scene where we’re supposed to believe that there is romantic chemistry brewing between them.  One of the ways he gets her all worked up is by doing an impression of the Tasmanian Devil.  That’s how Joey spits game, you guys.  And the worst part is that it works.

Danny walks in on his sister and his worthless best friend making out on his coffee table and he’s a little taken aback.  Joey thanks Danny for getting the two of them together in this real sly, “thanks, bro” kind of a way that’s really upsetting.  Anytime Joey is acknowledged as any sort of sexual being it really makes me feel upset. Danny tells Wendy to go take a nap up in his room and then when he gets Joey alone he’s like, “back the fuck up off my sister.”

Joey actually tells Danny that he’s gonna fuck his sister whether he likes it or not, which is astonishingly aggressive behavior for him.  It’s like he grew a dick all of a sudden, after years and years and years of not having a dick, or balls.  He tells Danny that he has no right to tell him who he can or cannot date, which I think might be a little debatable since he’s just some loser that lives in Danny’s house for free.  Hey, wait a minute, I just realized something.  Joey’s the host of a children’s show now, so he must be making plenty of money.  So why the fuck does he still live in the full house?  It made sense for all those years when he was an unemployed stand-up comedian, but he has an actual career now, plus the girls are older, and it’s not like he’s helping Jesse and Becky with their kids.  Seriously, what is that guy doing still living there?  What the fuck is this show even about anymore?

Anyway, the monkey runs loose in the house while Joey and Danny look for her and argue.  DJ and Kimmie Gibbler are visited by the monkey, who starts messing with Kimmie Gibbler’s hair dye just as DJ explains how careful she was when she mixed it.

Jesse gives his ten millionth demonstration of what a terrible husband and father he is by falling asleep while holding one of his babies.

Becky wakes him up and puts the baby down and then Jesse starts grabbing on her and saying that he wants to fuck.  Seriously, I don’t know if there’s ever been such an overt allusion to sex on this show before, and it’s a little unsettling.  What’s up with this episode?  It’s like everyone’s all jacked up on testosterone or something.

Oh, I get it!  It was a set-up!  Jesse gets in bed and then lies motionless on his side with his eyes closed, which is how all men present themselves when they want some sex, and then the monkey crawls into bed with him.  Naturally, Jesse never opens his eyes or turns around, and he can’t tell the difference between his wife’s touch and a monkey’s. Instead he is lovingly fondled and even spanked by a monkey for several minutes while Becky watches.

I have to say that this scene is so fucking over-the-top ridiculous that it’s almost kind of enjoyable.  You can tell that John Stamos knows that this is the most deliberate, nonsensical premise for a scene ever, and it makes it less painful to watch than most of the terrible moments on this shitty show.  Even still, what the fuck am I watching, you guys?  What am I doing with my life?

Kimmie Gibbler’s hair comes out all fucked up but then she likes it.

Meanwhile, Stephanie and Michelle offer an incredible assortment of foods to the African mask.

Seriously, where’d they get all that stuff?  Wendy approaches the scene and tells the girls that the statue is a tacky souvenir she bought that’s actually an electronic bank.  Stephanie is pretty pissed off that she went through all of that anguish to try to keep the statue from cursing the house but that’s what she fucking gets for opening other people’s mail.  Why the fuck would Aunt Wendy mail that thing to herself anyway?

Joey and Danny follow the monkey out onto the tree outside of Stephanie’s window and then they have a heart-to-heart talk.  Gentle music plays as Danny explains that his sister’s pretty flaky and since Joey’s emotionally like 6 years old he’s probably going to get hurt.  Joey thanks Danny for his insights but maintains that he really wants to fuck his sister seriously super bad, so he’s gonna do it no matter what the consequences are.

Later, Wendy tells Joey and Danny that she’s going to take that job in town so she can be closer to Joey, because what reason is there for a woman to exist around the full house if she’s not banging one of the dads?

Jesse comes into the room in a robe because he just finished banging his wife and then the Monkey touches him some more and that’s the end.  So, wait, is Danny’s sister ever going to be on the show again?  I certainly don’t remember ever seeing her.  Finally, and in conclusion, I will say that even knowing what I know from watching so many shitty episodes of this terrible show, I still can’t believe they had an episode about a monkey running loose in the house.

Firsts:  Danny’s sister Wendy, Ginger the monkey, Joey grows a penis and balls, exterior shot of the tree outside Stephanie’s window

 

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60 Responses to Season 5, Episode 18, “Too Much Monkey Business”

  1. Joel says:

    I remember this episode! It always did freak me out how the monkey stuck it’s hand in Jesse’s pocket for no real reason (unless it really was jacking him off). The producers also wasted money on a real monkey when this would have been the perfect opportunity to use both Olsen twins in the episode. Not like anyone would have known the difference!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hebrewersfan says:

    The thing about Wendy taking the job reminds me of when Dorris Roberts said she was going to move into the full house and then they convince her to look for an apartment in the area, never to be seen again. You’d think with all the family that supposedly lives in the area, they wouldn’t have had to head up to the sticks for their Bay Area Tanner reunion, seems like the full house would have been more than accommodating.

    As for why Joey hasn’t moved out, look what happened when Jesse tried to move out after marrying Rebecca, Michelle guilt tripped the shit out of him to stay. There’s really no escape to the full house. Its like the Overlook Hotel.

    Like

    • Riggins says:

      So let me get this straight, the producers had the Olsen twins wear fake teeth to cover up the fact they were losing teeth at a different rate. Where the hell was that commitment to 99% of the other continuity issues?!

      For example Danny’s sister was never mentioned before this episode or there after, but God forbid Michelle’s teeth look different in a given episode, wtf kind of priorities is that?!

      Like

    • Uncle Jersey says:

      I like running around my house naked in high heels, it’s so funny…

      Like

    • navarro says:

      U gotta admit that first picture is pretty cute!

      Like

    • The Venerable Bede says:

      Preface: This is going to sound like I’m joking, but I’m actually being serious.

      “Ashley acted out the more serious scenes, while Mary-Kate took the funnier scenes.” So that probably means Mary-Kate was doing all of those shitty scenes where Michelle overeats cake, cookies, and ice cream? Is there any chance that this had something to do with the eating disorder she developed later in life? Probably not, but it’s an interesting fact, regardless.

      Like

  3. cerebralPaulz says:

    I’m not sure on what level this is stupid anymore. How can you defend an episode centered around a monkey. Not really any conflict around the monkey, just that it’s there. Light mischief with no consequences. The music should have come on and Danny talk to his sister about hitting in Joey. I think in most states it’s a crime to be sexual with the mentally handicap.

    Like

  4. Teebore says:

    Michelle answers the door to find a goddamn monkey standing there!

    A monkey episode?!? Why do I have no recollection of this? That’s, like, the best 80s sitcom cliche ever!

    Anyway, the monkey runs loose in the house while Joey and Danny look for her

    How hard can it be to find her? I mean, the house isn’t that big, and it isn’t like the monkey is tiny.

    Naturally, Jesse never opens his eyes or turns around, and he can’t tell the difference between his wife’s touch and a monkey’s.

    Another fantastic sitcom cliche. This episode is really firing on all cylinders now.

    Gentle music plays as Danny explains that his sister’s pretty flaky

    I love that Danny’s beef with this situation is that his sister isn’t good enough for Joey. Talk about missing the forest for the trees…

    Also, not to be that guy, but I’m pretty sure that’s a chimpanzee and thus an ape, not a monkey. Not that I blame you, considering the show couldn’t be bothered to get it right and I call her a monkey myself…

    Like

    • SHough610 says:

      Gentle music plays as Danny explains that his sister’s pretty flaky

      I love that Danny’s beef with this situation is that his sister isn’t good enough for Joey. Talk about missing the forest for the trees…

      Goddamn, seriously. How much of a pussy is Danny supposed to be? You don’t screw a buddy’s sister. Though I guess Danny probably didn’t see his clean comedian with a mullet friend as a danger.

      Like

  5. I was going to quote a few things I loved in this review, but I would have wound up quoting pretty much the whole episode.

    Loved the opening line about the mirror – fantastic.

    Also, they let the chimp outside and to climp up in a tree? This is calling Rise of the Planet of the Apes to mind here.

    I was kind of hoping that Jermsey would get his face bitten off by the chimp – those fucking things can be dangerous! Or, at the very least that it would fling some poop at him that would wind up in his mouth and give him hepititis or something.

    I know she bore twins and all, but Rebecca Dondalson-Katsopolis-Cochran is still pretty hot. I’m insulted that Jermsey couldn’t tell the difference between him and his wife. What an asshole parthenon.

    Great episode review. One of the best so far!

    Like

  6. Corey says:

    It’s time to officially decree a variation of “Godwin’s Law” that states that the longer a sitcom stays on the air, the closer the probability that said sitcom has a monkey episode approaches 1.

    Like

  7. G says:

    Actually, Danny’s sister does appear in one other episode after this. She and Joey go on a biking date together, but that’s the last we see of her.

    Like

  8. carinthekitchen says:

    “Bitch, every face you make’s a monkey face!”

    Truth.

    Like

  9. Bridget says:

    I feel a bit uncomfortable with this sexual tension in a house with little kids in it and the fact that Ginger the monkey is horny takes the cake. Maybe Joey’s sexual frustration is rubbing off on her. Of course some animals are a bit more promiscuous than others.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Fritz says:

    OK this is, for real, the greatest blog ever. Also, I came across this site by Google Image searching “Bubba the turtle.” I shit you not.

    Like

  11. Dave says:

    The in-depth revelation that Joey doesn’t need to be in the full house anymore had me in stitches. Why doesn’t he now live with Danny’s sister? The fuck am I doing with my life thinking about this show and its worthless review?

    Great job, good effort.

    Go Birds.

    Like

  12. Jimmy says:

    Ginger is a chimpanzee. That is not a monkey; it’s an ape. No tail.

    And come on, it’s John Stamos! Wouldn’t you give him a handjob and a spanking?

    Like

  13. Dr. Bitz says:

    I didn’t remember this episode at all until you mentioned the chimp spanking Jersey. Whatever that says about me it’s probably not good…

    Like

  14. The Pizza says:

    I think you just reached an important revelation in your full house journey. “what the fuck is this show even about anymore?”

    Like

  15. Lisa says:

    Why didn’t Danny’s bitch sister step up and help out when his wife died??

    Like

  16. Bridget says:

    Can’t wait for the episode where Michelle messes with Jesse’s very expensive equipment after he told her not to.

    Like

  17. TayciBear says:

    “Suddenly, DJ and Kimmie Gibbler enter the room and say that they’re going to be in the bathroom doing beauty makeovers for the next 3 hours, then they leave as quickly as they came in.”

    My immediate thought was fingerbang.

    I’ve been away for a month and all the memories are flooding back. Asshole Parthenon, Uncle Jermsey, it’s just so much joy.

    Like

  18. Tess says:

    I think every single Jeff-Franklin Production used the “monkey molests someone” story arch. It was almost as common as driving a car into the kitchen.

    I’m surprised there were never any episodes where a monkey drove a car into the kitchen.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. kp199 says:

    Joey’s hair in the fifth picture is absolutely horrific. A greasy mullet….disgusting. And once again, we’re to believe that an attractive woman is into Joey? Right….

    Like

  20. e_x_i_t says:

    Only thing I remember from this episode is the cursed statue. This just shows more proof on how completely useless Stephanie is as a human being. I mean damn, every kid knows that the only way to release a curse is to sacrifice the young and worst of all Michelle was standing right next to her the entire time, talk about a miss opportunity. What an idiot.

    Like

  21. dottie says:

    Um, wait a minute. Haven’t Danny and Joey known each other since they were kids? Then why would Danny have to tell Joey that she was flaky? Wouldn’t he have already met her many times by now?

    Like

  22. Michael says:

    Me and my sister just watched this episode and the line that really bugged us was when Jermsey was being spanked by the monkey and he thinks it’s Becky. He specifically asks: “has UNCLE Jesse been a bad boy?”

    Like

  23. Monkey/Michelle: Hard to tell the two apart. The first time Michelle tries to make a monkey face and it was the only time she didn’t look like a monkey. That’s irony.

    Like

  24. Kenny says:

    Michelle answers the door to find a goddamn monkey standing there! At first I thought it might have been a large mirror, but, no, it’s an actual monkey! So what the fuck’s a monkey doing at the full house? Well, Danny’s sister, Wendy, who we’ve never heard of before, is in town visiting and one of her few characteristics is that she has a pet monkey. The girls are all reacquainted with their estranged aunt and introduced to Ginger, the monkey.

    Michelle asks Ginger if she can do a monkey face and then tries to do one herself. Bitch, every face you make’s a monkey face!

    LMFAO! So goddamn true .

    As for the monkey premise it was fucking stupid and didnt really go anywhere.

    But as far as Jesse was concerned I.E. John Stamos….id have liked to have been that monkey dude was hot back then…before all that fucking plastic surgery he NOW has had done to his once beautiful face.

    Like

  25. Leo says:

    I was expecting Wendy to bring Grandma with her.

    Maybe Grandma = Ginger …
    Oh, Full House.

    Like

  26. Chuck Cunningham says:

    Am I the only one who thinks that Kimmy looks like April O’Neil after she got her hair dyed? Especially with that yellow jacket!

    Like

  27. Odotry says:

    I’m surprised the show didn’t make Danny’s sister Joey’s permanent love interest. Even if they wanted to do it what woman would tolerate being Joey’s girlfriend on screen, let alone off screen?

    Like

  28. Eloise says:

    Ok so first of all I LOVE this blog. I found it last week and haven’t stopped reading it. While I was reading this review, I realized that Wendy is played by my long time next door neighbor. Like, my window sees into her yard, I’ve looked after her kids, she comes to our christmas parties kind of neighbor. And she made out with Joey Gladstone. I’m at a loss for words.

    Like

  29. rmc says:

    “Michelle answers the door to find a goddamn monkey standing there!” The greatest opening line to a blog post I have ever read.

    Like

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