Season 6, Episode 24, “The House Meets the Mouse-Part 2”

After last week’s cliff-hanger ending with Michelle wandering off at Disney World, this week’s episode opens with her dancing in front of a calypso band like some sort of creepy little goblin while a crowd of people watches.  So that’s where she went!  None of the guys in the band seem to mind that she’s there, presumably because they’re high out of their minds.  I don’t know why the audience is cool with it.  She asks one of the band members if they think she’s bossy and he’s like, “no way,” then he gets everyone in the audience to applaud her.

After the performance, Snow White approaches Michelle and mentions that she knows that she ran off, but instead of grabbing her and returning her to her family she just grants her second “princess for a day” wish of having a tea party with all the Disney characters.  Way to be a responsible adult, Snow White!

Meanwhile, Jesse and Joey wrap up their radio show, which is being recorded inside of a strange underwater dome that has a Canadian flag on it for some reason.

Jesse says that he needs to get the fuck out of there because he promised Becky a romantic evening for their anniversary but then Joey refuses to leave the dome because he sees a shark in the tank.  But they were swimming around in there for a good portion of the last episode… Where was the shark then?  Jesse tries to ditch Joey but Joey clings to him, refusing to let him leave him alone in the dome.  Isn’t there anyone around to help them?  Also, how do they get in and out of that dome thing, anyway?

Meanwhile, Becky waits for Jesse on the dock like a sucker while Chip and Dale mock her for having such a shitty husband. You know what I’ve always wondered?  Chip and Dale dancers are those erotic male dancers who keep their bow ties on when they strip… so why do they share the same namesake as these cartoon chipmunks?  And which one came first?

Jesse calls for help from the underwater dome while Joey just sits there, totally unapologetically ruining Jesse and Becky’s anniversary.  Jesse eventually says fuck it and forces Joey to leave the dome with him, which is just about the most uninventive way to resolve this conflict imaginable.  The next shot is of them swimming outside of the dome, so I guess we’ll never know how they actually get in and out of there.   Joey continues to whine about being afraid of the shark but then the situation is apparently resolved when they reach the surface even though they’re both fully submerged in water, right by the shark.

Snow White brings Michelle to her tea party but then sad music plays as Michelle says that she wants her wish back because she’s sad that her family isn’t there.  After the commercial break, Mickey Mouse arrives at the tea party with all of the Tanners in tow.  Danny actually gets pretty mad and tells Michelle that she freaked everybody out and that they’re going to have a long talk later.  Michelle protests that nobody would do what she told them to but then Vicky explains that good princesses are fair and kind and don’t just act like totally spoiled pieces of shit all the time.  Then they all have a tea party.

Jesse arrives at the dock too late to find Becky but is redirected to the hotel by Chip and Dale, who have just eaten his pic-a-nic basket.  Jesse spots Becky in the lobby of the hotel but she gives him the stink eye and walks away.  Luckily there’s a big piano right next to him so he is able to woo her with a terrible song.

This is one of those moments that perfectly encapsulates what a fucked up relationship they have.  How many times have we seen Jesse totally neglect to do the one simple thing that she asks him to do and/or act like a total asshole and then completely get away with it with some breathy vocals and goo goo eyes?  He’s not even a halfway decent musician.  I wonder if he sang her a song like this every time their bills were due or their children needed food and clothing during all of those long stretches that he was unemployed.  I also wonder if he isn’t using some sort of hypnosis on her, or maybe his songs include subliminal mind-control messages, like the one Zack Morris used to get Kelly to ask him to that dance.  Or maybe Becky just totally hates herself. Anyway, she instantly forgives him and then they make out on a little boat.

While the family all gather to watch an Aladdin-themed parade, some camel statues spit into the crowd and hit Danny right in the face.  Well, at least it wasn’t Joey doing it for once.

Next they all go see a stage reenactment of The Raiders of the Lost Ark.  Before the show begins, Vicky gets a page on her beeper from work and excuses herself.  As soon as she’s gone all the girls ask Danny if he’s proposed yet, because it’s not like they would have mentioned it if he had, and Danny says that he keeps getting interrupted but is pretty sure that he’s finally figured out the right way to ask her.

DJ hallucinates that Indiana Jones is Steve and then stands up and shouts his name when she thinks that he gets run over by that giant boulder.  How humiliating!  It’s bad enough to be so immersed in a shitty stage show that you lose all grip on reality, but it’s a million times worse to do it while projecting your stupid boyfriend onto the scenario.

After the show, Danny asks Michelle what she wants to do next and then Stephanie says that she’s gonna go back to the hotel to chill out and it’s pretty evident that it’s because she’s sick of Michelle’s stupid ugly face.  The rest of the family head off to enjoy a montage of fun rides without her.

Later, in the hotel lobby, DJ thinks that she sees Steve again but then it turns out that he’s actually there.  They run towards each other in slow motion and then Steve trips and falls before they reach each other, which is actually sort of almost funny.

Steve explains that he was also having weird hallucinations while they were apart so he had to spend thousands of dollars to fly across the country and stay in an overpriced hotel rather than wait a few more days for her to come back.  Then they don’t have sex.

Joey approaches Stephanie while she mopes on the beach and he asks her if she wants to go see her sister in the parade.  Stephanie says that she’s pissed that Michelle got to be the princess for the day and is sick of her getting whatever she wants all the time.  Preach!  Testify!

Joey explains that by getting all pissy and resentful, Stephanie cheated herself out of having a good time at Disneyland, which is actually kind of insightful.  Then, as if to make sure that they don’t settle for making a valid point, the music comes on as Joey reminds Stephanie of how upset she was when Michelle was missing and Stephanie concedes that she loves her.  As if that weren’t saccharine enough, the next moment Michelle shows up, followed by Snow White, who I guess has to follow Michelle around all day, and Michelle tells Stephanie that her last wish is for Stephanie to be the princess for the rest of the day and to get to ride in the parade.  It’s weird how even when Michelle is being nice she still has the cadence of an obnoxious asshole.  I guess she can’t turn it off.  Actually, she’s probably just making that wish to make Stephanie feel shitty for hating on her all day.  Finally, just in case you aren’t barfing in your mouth already, Snow White says that because Michelle was so generous, the whole family gets to be in the parade.  What a shocker! This perfectly aligns with the central moral lesson of Full House: anyone who chooses to do the right thing will instantly be rewarded with whatever they want.

Next there’s an extended parade sequence in which the denizens of the full house are prominently featured while an unfortunate crowd watches and waves.  Man, just once I’d like to see these assholes end up somewhere where they’re not the central focus of everything.  Seriously, these fucks could go to the presidential inauguration and they’d still make it all about themselves.

Bringing this 2-part monstrosity to a climax, Jesse’s shitty band have their concert in front of a large crowd of people who probably thought they were there to see Sting or something.  Instead they’re forced to endure a horrible cover of, “The Hippy Hippy Shake.”

Then Jesse plays a slow song that I don’t recognize (I think it might be from Pinocchio) as everyone sways in the audience.  The fireworks come on and Danny mentions that he’s been trying to ask Vicky something all day before a large, fateful message appears in the sky.

Dang, how much did that cost?  Danny grabs Vicky and tells her that he loves her and asks her to marry him because I guess putting the phrase in gigantic glowing letters in the sky wasn’t enough to clarify the request.  He literally spelled it out for her!  She says yes for some unknowable reason and then they hug, sealing their passionless romance for the ages.

The episode ends with a succession of shots of the characters hugging or dancing or making out or smiling like idiots as Jesse finishes his terrible song, and with that Season 6 is fuckin’ done, son!

Another one in the can!  Tune in next week for Season 6 Reviewed!  Phew!

 

 

 

 

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129 Responses to Season 6, Episode 24, “The House Meets the Mouse-Part 2”

  1. JGA says:

    Congratulations! You’re two more seasons away from freedom.

    The shitty slow song Jesse sings isn’t from Pinocchio. It’s from Cinderella, which doesn’t make it any less shitty.

    JGA

    Liked by 1 person

    • katie says:

      I’d be pissed if I paid all that money to go to Disney World and heard such a crappy rendition of “A Dream is a Wish.” Why is there always some lame Saxaphone solo with his band?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Jordan says:

    “Steve explains that he was also having weird hallucinations while they were apart so he had to spend thousands of dollars to fly across the country and stay in an overpriced hotel rather than wait a few more days for her to come back. Then they don’t have sex.”

    This might be my favourite paragraph so far, from any of your reviews. It builds and builds in its ridiculousness, and then bam… last line seals the deal.

    This 2-part episode was always one that I, even being a little kid who usually didn’t know any better and tuned in every week to watch this crap, rolled my eyes at. Disneyland, really? Bleh.

    Honestly, though, it’s close to the Hawaiian episode in terms of on-location-but-still-just-off kind of vibes.

    Like

  3. penny says:

    Anniversary? Weren’t Jesse and Becky married on Valentine’s Day? Unless they mean “anniversary of Becky telling Jesse she was pregnant with those twin potatoes,” which of course was the end of Season 4ish.

    Also, isn’t the Indiana Jones stunt show at MGM? They were clearly in the Magic Kingdom. You can’t just walk from one park to another like that in one day. False advertising, Disney.

    I wish I could pull out all the little things I absolutely love about this review, but I’m so overwhelmed by its awesomeness.

    Like

    • Stephen says:

      Yeah, it seems like they went ALL the way to MGM just to see that one show, then ALL the way back to MK. Who goes all the way to another park just to see a stunt show, then all the way back to the one they were at before? I am not sure if they had parkhoppers 20 years ago but I’ve gone to MGM/Hollywood Studios to only see their Fantasmic show, but that was at night and that was the last thing we did for the day.
      Unless the Tanners rode some rides at MGM (providing that Michelle wasn’t too afraid since they’re all mostly thrill rides) then I think that was pointless and a waste of time.

      Like

    • Ryan says:

      You can get from park to park pretty easily in one day if you have a park hopper, especially if you only want to ride certain rides and you go during the slow season. I dunno if it was feasible back when this was filmed, but it’s easy to do these days.

      Like

  4. Sally says:

    My mother had a Chippendale table growing up so I’ve always been under the impression that it was a type of wood and both the characters’ and the dancers’ names played off of that. Any takers?

    Like

    • Morgan says:

      You are right both the characters and the dancers are named for the canbinet maker Thomas Chipendale. The characters came first, sometime in the late 30s early 40s. The dancers came late 70’s, but they are both named after the same company/man.

      Like

      • SHough610 says:

        Also, one of the villains on the animated version of the Tick was Chairface Chippendale.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I love the SNL skit with the buff, good-looking Patrick Swayze and the doughy Chris Farley auditioning as Chippendale dancers. Chris’s character got the role even though Patrick’s character was all hot and all sex! I like to think the two of them are performing that same skit in the Afterlife.

        Like

      • Polly says:

        And you made me tear up….thanks.

        Like

      • LongTimeListenerFirstTimeCaller says:

        This is in the running for best thread ever. Read it again if you don’t believe me.

        Like

      • pigsnot says:

        Pat got the job not Chris

        Like

      • Kayla says:

        In Europe–or at least Germany–they are called Chip and Chap! Did a double-take when I saw that written on a DVD.

        Like

  5. mactbone says:

    The Indiana Jones show is at Hollywood Studios which is one of Disney’s parks in Orlando. Back then I think you had to pay for a ticket to get into each park but now they have a special ticket called “park-hopper” that is a little more expensive than the standard ticket but you can go to multiple parks on the same day.

    Gotta say, this is a really weird ad for Disney – tons of unrealistic expectations of great and horrible things that don’t actually exist there. Totally true though? Completely average bands playing covers on stages – saw a band playing Lit songs and other late 90s early 2000s alternative rock at Hollywood Studios.

    Like

  6. jbeeee says:

    I can’t bring myself to watch, but I am curious- at the start of this episode when Michelle is dancing, is she any good? I remember that Stephanie had some dance scenes and she clearly had taken lessons and was an okay dancer. I’m willing to bet that Michelle sucks at dancing, just like she does at acting too.

    And it would have been awesome if Stephanie was shown having the best time ever instead of looking for Michelle. They all should have taken advantage of a few hours of freedom.

    Billy Superstar- Another great review. Are you taking a break before starting season 7 or are you jumping right in?

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      Nope. Recall pretty much every second of this episode, and Michelle can’t dance for shit. it’s too bad they didn’t expand on Stephanie’s dance skills. They could have written some excellent episodes about trying very hard, and dancing, and trying to do too much at once, and getting hooked on pills… wait.

      Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      next week i’m writing a review of season 6 (i’ve done this for each season) then i’ll start season 7 the following week. it’s always tempting to take a little break between seasons but not so much as being done with this whole project sooner.

      Like

  7. Itsbarbiebitch says:

    “Then they don’t have sex”
    Hahaha you are my favorite person

    Like

  8. katie says:

    I know it’s not even worth being annoyed over but how can Danny do an elaborate proposal like that and somehow only Vicky notices. “Hey girls she said yes!” Um, they are standing right next to each other. Did they not see or hear the proposal? Shouldn’t they react to when she said yes? Damn it the Tanners are oblivious.

    Like

    • magellan333 says:

      I was just thinking how many other fiancees took credit for that firework proposal? I didn’t know fire works could be so legible. I have seen shapes and all, but nothing like that.

      Like

      • Billy Superstar says:

        i feel bad for any women named vicky in the crowd who have deadbeat boyfriends

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I never cared for the nickname of Vicky for Victoria. If you or anyone has a chance, go see “Mama” and you’ll see two absolutely fabulous young actresses who play Victoria and Lilly. Both girls, especially the very young Lilly would give the Olsen twins a run for their money in the acting arena!

        Like

  9. lovetolaugh says:

    Congratulations on wrapping up another season! On the plus side, the review had me in stitches, as always. You never disappoint!

    On the down side… am I the only one who is really sad that there are only two seasons left to review? What will make me laugh I Friday mornings when this project is over?

    Couple of things:

    – Did Michelle really defend her decision to run away by claiming that no one would listen to her? Am I totally losing it, or did the previous episode emphasize that the sisters did indeed listen to Michelle all day and were getting sick of it? That was the whole problem, that they were doing too much of what SHE insisted on doing!

    – You know what terrifies me about this episode? Joey is NOT the biggest asshole in it, not by a longshot. Michelle and Jesse surpass him with flying colors.

    – Those Tanners sure will die happy, won’t they? In a matter of 6 years, they have:

    1. Sang onstage with the Beach Boys at their concert

    2. Performed in Hawaii

    3. Been to a television premiere with Frankie and Annette

    4. Partied with Scott Baio

    5. Met Tommy what’s-his-name Page

    6. Ridden on their very own float in Disney World

    My life will never measure up to theirs. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Like

    • Sally says:

      That is so funny! You are absolutely correct! Not to mention they’ve also hosted the Beach Boys at their own home! And though we love to give Jesse hell, how many people can say that their uncle had a number one hit? I’m starting to think that anytime someone famous came to San Francisco in the 90s, they had to make an obligatory stop to the Tanner’s house…
      Also, how many people can say that a live chimpanzee has been in their home?

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        Or a donkey and a horse for that matter?

        Like

      • katie says:

        or was saved by a pig?

        Like

      • penny says:

        Don’t forget the elephant.

        Also, I’m suddenly remembering the publicity they did for this episode, in that they filmed it during the Easter Day Parade in Florida, which was broadcast on TV. One of the draws when they were promoting the parade was that the cast of Full House was on the float. And my 10-year-old self recalls Jodie Sweetin wearing that dress. Talk about being economical with your budget! Film it during a real parade so you don’t have to hire extras, and Jack up ratings both on a Sunday morning in April AND a month later for probably the same footage.

        Like

      • Blake says:

        And don’t leave out Bubba the turtle. I loved that amphibian.

        Like

      • Stephen says:

        The episode was shot in early to mid March, and Easter was on April 11th in 1993. Did they have to go back nearly a month later to tape the Easter parade (which is usually pretaped a few days before?) lol. I have seen that behind the scenes footage. Michelle/Mary Kate calls Minnie a “pro” because she is really good at waving to the crowd.

        Like

      • lovetolaugh says:

        Sally you’re so right! And lets not forget the cherry on top: Little Richard.

        It really is fascinating how, on the one hand, everything those Tanners touch turns to gold; on the other, they are portrayed as loser misfits who are incapable of functioning and socializing normally in the outside world (Becky and DJ are possible exceptions to this). Maybe the writers were going were going for some sort of paradox?…..

        Nah, I’m giving them too much credit. If any of the writers ever even mentioned “paradox”, the other writers probably would have been like, “what’s paradox? Sounds like the name of a condom company or something… Ooh are you pitching an idea for a Very Special episode in which DJ has a pregnancy scare?!”

        That’s just how they roll.

        Like

      • Michelle's acting coach says:

        Members of this family also stumbled into two television shows and a radio show without any discernable talent. The only bad luck they encounter was the birth of Michelle and damage to red convertibles.

        Like

      • Kyle C. Haight says:

        There would never be a Full House episode where DJ had a pregnancy scare. It was pretty obvious that impossibly their relationship never evolved into anything sexual for the two years they were together.

        Like

      • lovetolaugh says:

        It’s fun to snark on everything Full House related, including DJ and Steve’s sans sex relationship. But really, DJ is supposed to be only like 15 or 16 at this point. Thats pretty damn young and not everyone is comfortable having sex at that age, even those who are in relationships. I know I wouldn’t have been.

        Plus, where would DJ and Steve even be able to get busy? She’d have to somehow double chain her bedroom door shut to keep Stephanie and Michelle from barging in to read her diary as it was happening…and in season 7 we will all reexperience how much shit Danny loses when DJ try to get some privacy at Steve’s place.

        Like

    • Sully says:

      I’m going to call you Frank Grimes from now on

      Like

      • lovetolaugh says:

        Me? Who is Frank Grimes? Sorry, I don’t get it…? Lol

        Like

      • penny says:

        Frank Grimes: Homer’s hard-luck coworker in the Simpsons episode “Homer’s Enemy.” Absolutely incredulous of all the amazing things Homer has done — gone into space, met President Ford, etc — despite being an incompetent idiot who can’t even do his own job. Look it up– classic episode.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I remember that episode. Frank Grimes’ son, Frank, Jr tried to kill Homer because he blamed him for his father’s accidental death.

        Like

  10. Bridget says:

    Why would those writers think Michelle would be missing for a long time at Disney? Well, she could have gone the way of then 14 year old Elizabeth Smart and get snatched by a religious zealot and his wife. They could dress Michelle in robes and call her Rachel or something! I am glad Elizabeth Smart escaped that life of hell and is happily married now! I do think Stephanie should have yelled at Danny, “I have been complaining legitimately that Michelle is a spoiled little monkey brat since California and you haven’t listened, Dad! Mom would never let her get away with this crap and you do all the time, Dad! I miss Mom every day and if she wouldn’t have died, I would have a normal family instead of Mom’s brother and others crowding us!”

    Like

    • Crashing Sally says:

      This is just a strange comment

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        I agree with you about my comment. I read and watch too many missing kid stories, I admit. I do think Stephanie should have spoken up and told Danny how she was feeling because she let her bad feelings fester even though they were legitimate. I do think Stephanie would have ended up in therapy along with DJ if their dad and others treat Michelle like some kind of saint!

        Like

      • Sally says:

        Yes, but in order for the Tanner children to get the psychological help they need it would require them to not be so passive-aggressive about their feelings. Nobody on this show shares the way they feel up-front, they have to dance around their feelings for a couple of days before they finally confront them. That bothered me even as a little child!

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        No, no. You only get to share your feelings when the music comes on.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I agree with you. When Stephanie was overly clingy with Danny, Joey and Jesse had to tell him to send her to therapy because he didn’t put one and one together to come up with the fact that her sudden clinginess had to do with the earthquake. Sure he asked her what was wrong, but he chalked it up to the fact that Stephanie needed attention and that she loved him.

        Like

  11. Mike B says:

    Wow…. the opening shot of Michelle dancing is right in front of the Enchanted Tiki Room… then a few years later right across from there is where they would build the Magic Carpets of Aladdin ride (aka Dumbo #3). I worked for WDW in the College Program from January – June of 2002, and this was the area where I worked!

    Anyway…. excellent review, sir! Looking forward to season 7!

    Like

    • Lauren says:

      I was leaving my college program right when you were getting there! I worked merchandise on Main Street. Later I got to work at the Grand Floridian front desk and was constantly remembering this stupid episode every time I was at work.

      Like

  12. heather says:

    Please!! We only have 2 seasons left! What are you going to review when this is over?

    Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      i’m definitely not going to write another blog like this, that’s for sure. i’m seriously considering doing a podcast after this… i’ll write more about it in next week’s season 6 reviewed post.

      Like

  13. Karen says:

    It’s perfectly clear why Becky always forgives Jesse for being a shitty dad/husband. The girl is dickmatized.

    Like

    • lovetolaugh says:

      Hahahah.

      Is there anything in the world more annoying than that smoldering look that’s on Jersey’s face EVERY TIME he sings??? Even when he’s not singing to Becky!

      “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes” isn’t even a sexy song, yet he totally makes love to the audience with his facial expressions. Hell, he had that same look when he sung “Mich-Elle Smiling” in Season 2.

      Weird.

      Like

  14. Michelle's acting coach says:

    What an unsatisfying season finale. I don’t remember how the next season starts but I’ll bet they don’t even mention danny and what’s-her-name’s engagement.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Melanie says:

    1. Snow White is like, 13 years old MAX, so I don’t expect her to be a responsible adult.

    2. That Canadian flag has to be Coulier’s fault somehow. First, hockey – now, this?

    3. I remember being baffled by how anticlimatic that shark scene was even when I was 7.

    4. Okay, but I also remember thinking that being wooed by John Stamos at a piano was totally fuckin’ romantic and being way jealous of Becky. So there you go. Also, check out that carpeting. Damn, remember when everything was pastel colors in 1994?

    5. What kind of wholesome family just lets a 12-year-old go all the way back to the hotel (it’s not exactly in the park) by herself? (I don’t actually know if Stephanie is 12. She looks about 12 anyway.) Oh, wait, maybe Joey is with her. Well, who the hell leaves a 12 year old alone with Joey?!

    Like

    • Laura says:

      Actually, I think she’s only about 10 here, which makes it that much worse.

      Like

      • Casey says:

        Melanie: This is hands down the best comment this week 🙂 I was totally jealous of Becky too. Uncle Jesse was SO dreamy. I also wanted a Disney World proposal forever (not from Danny Tanner of course.)

        Like

      • Jennie says:

        Hello, This is my first comment. I discovered this blog several months ago one day while I was watching the Hawaii episode and was googling facts from the episode. Anyway my husband actually did propose to me in Disney World. It was very sweet and romantic, however I completely forgot this proposal existed in this episode, anyways I do not think my husband was inspired to propose there because of this shitty show. He played a lot of sports in his youth and didn’t really watch tv.

        Like

      • She’s 11. Her and Michelle are five years apart and Michelle’s 6. Also, you should make a fanfic Based on part 1. Stephanie gets so upset that she begins starving herself. But as her and Michelle are arguing over Michelle being a brat, she faints and goes into a coma. Her family takes her to the hospital and DJ feels guilty for letting Michelle cut her, and Michelle feels guilty for acting like a spoiled brat. Will she survive?

        Like

    • Bridget says:

      I wanted to make sure, but Joey’s mother Mindy is Goofy at Disney and Joey says she wears the costume and shakes the hands of children.

      Like

    • Lisa says:

      As a Canuck, the random Canadian flag made me happy even back then. I can’t get on board with the Dave Coulier hate on this site, as he seems like a nice person, but he is half-Canadian, so maybe he is responsible for the little shout-out up north. On the other hand, this is Full House, so the dome was probably a prop from some other show and they didn’t have the money or intelligence to cover up the irrelevant flag,

      On another note, I SO agree about the Uncle Jesse serenades. I was totally in love with Uncle J and thought he was so romantic! In fact at my bachelorette party (which took place a good decade after FH ended) my maid of honour had a life-sized poster made of one of his cheesiest publicity photos and we played pin the kiss on John Stamos. Actually, one of the things I find funniest about this website is how it is pointing out to me, a grown woman, what an arse Uncle Jesse’s character really was when all those years I thought he and Rebecca Donaldson (!) had the perfect marriage.

      Like

  16. Dr. Bitz says:

    “Seriously, these fucks could go to the presidential inauguration and they’d still make it all about themselves.”

    Alright…I got this.

    Beginning: Danny announces that Wake Up! San Francisco will be sending him and Rebecca to DC to cover the inauguration. This means everyone (including Steve) is coming too except Kimmie Gibbler since her feet have been declared a biohazard and a deadly threat to the Commander-in-Chief.

    Joey: After arriving at the inauguration Joey seeks out a friend who is a sound technician. During a conversation the technician mentions his computer mouse but Joey believes he’s referring to an actual mouse. This causes Joey to freak out and bump into a sound machine which causes Beyonce’s pre-recorded National Anthem to start skipping.

    DJ and Steve: Steve hears great things about the White House kitchen and goes to seek it out. DJ follows. Steve meets the head chef and challenges the chef to make enough food to satisfy Steve’s insatiable appetite. After hours of cooking the chef begrudgingly gives up. DJ shakes her head at Steve and then they make out (keeping their hands to themselves).

    Jesse and Rebecca: Upon arriving at the inauguration Jesse promises Rebecca that she’ll get to meet her personal hero, Michelle Obama. Rebecca says it’s not necessary but Jesse is already off on his mission before she finishes her sentence.

    Jesse tries a series of elaborate plots to get to Michelle Obama. His final approach is to sweet talk a female security guard and Rebecca overhears the sweet talk and she gets pissed. Jesse is about to go apologize when Michelle Obama comes walking through. Jesse rushes towards Michelle Obama causing the Secret Service to arrest him.

    Being held in the White House, Jesse tries to plead his case to the head of security but head of security turns a deaf ear. Jesse then talks about how great Rebecca is and how pissed she is and how she’s his world and he needs to make up with her. The head of security is resolute but Barack Obama had overhead Jesse’s speech and orders Jesse to be freed. Barack sympathizes with Jesse because Barack loves Michelle Obama in the same way Jesse loves Rebecca.

    Danny: Danny decides to babysit the twins at the inauguration to give Jesse and Rebecca some time alone. The twins end up running off into the Oval Office. Danny arrives in the Oval Office to find the kids have made a mess. This prompts Danny to start cleaning the Oval Office which turns into Danny cleaning the entire White House.

    Upon completion Danny is accosted by security, but the head of the White House cleaning staff interrupts and says Danny has done the finest cleaning the White House has ever seen! Danny receives a medal for his efforts.

    Stephanie and Michelle: Michelle says she’ll be President someday. Stephanie disagrees. They end up meeting Malia Ann and Natasha Obama and they become fast friends. The president’s daughters bring Michelle and Stephanie to Michelle Obama to settle the disagreement. The first lady, after commenting on loving Michelle’s name, agrees with Michelle also. If Michelle wants to be president she can be president because in America you can grow up to be whatever you want to be. To prove this, Michelle Obama convinces Barack to have Michelle give the inaugural address.

    Michelle begins her speech saying that someday she’ll be president because she loves America. She also loves her family. She brings them on stage and each Tanner (and Steve) tell the audience what they love about America. Jesse states that he loves America because it has Elvis and Rebecca. This causes Rebecca to forgive him. Jesse sings Forever.

    Ending: Jesse and Rebecca are in the Lincoln Bedroom. They say sweet things to each other and then make out. They fall onto the bed as Jesse says “have mercy” in a “seductive” way. They are interrupted by the entire Tanner clan and the Obamas. Jesse says “have mercy” in an exasperated way.

    The End

    Liked by 1 person

  17. teebore says:

    this week’s episode opens with her dancing in front of a calypso band like some sort of creepy little goblin while a crowd of people watches.

    Best description ever.

    Way to be a responsible adult, Snow White!

    Way to open up yourself up to a lawsuit, Snow White (if the Tanners were litigious like real people).

    Luckily there’s a big piano right next to him so he is able to woo her with a terrible song.

    It wasn’t “Forever”, was it? Also, excellent screen cap of Jermsey there.

    It’s bad enough to be so immersed in a shitty stage show that you lose all grip on reality

    As others have pointed out, that’s actually the Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular, and it’s not shitty, it’s awesome. Well, it’s a little dated and the act could use some sprucing up, but it’s still pretty awesome.

    Then they don’t have sex.

    Well done.

    Snow White says that because Michelle was so generous, the whole family gets to be in the parade.

    And thereby diluting Stephanie’s moment in the spotlight, thus serving as one final “eff you” from sister to sister.

    Then Jesse plays a slow song that I don’t recognize

    It’s actually a pretty good song when Jermsey isn’t singing it. One of those classic Disney tunes.

    Like

    • Casey says:

      To play devil’s advocate, perhaps the Tanners are litigious. You have to admit they seem to have an endless amount of dough (at least Danny does.) They have no moral qualms (at least when it comes to acting socially appropriate.) And no one, especially Danny, seems particularly interested in teaching Michelle the concept of taking responsibility for her actions. In fact, they encourage her in always demanding she gets her way.
      I’m not saying the Tanners are repeated suers… but it wouldn’t surprise me.

      Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      teebore, i find your defense of the disney-related elements in these episodes really endearing.

      Like

  18. Jimmy says:

    “”She asks one of the band members if they think she’s bossy and he’s like, “no way,” then he gets everyone in the audience to applaud her.””

    I cannot properly react to that. I can’t…I don’t know whether to laugh, or scratch my head, or just…god…

    Like

    • Jimmy says:

      “”Michelle protests that nobody would do what she told them to but then Vicky explains that good princesses are fair and kind and don’t just act like totally spoiled pieces of shit all the time. Then they all have a tea party.””

      *Barely* didn’t spew juice out my nose. TWICE. Although I think I feel it up there…

      Like

  19. FHRFan says:

    I wish you’d publish these reviews more often…but then I have something to look forward to each week after work. What will we do when you run out? I vote for a Saved By the Bell review blog!

    Like

  20. Sarah Portland says:

    Okay: Somebody mentioned this before (I don’t recall who, but I was glad someone else was thinking about it), but I knew this episode was coming up soon, and this has been bothering me for weeks: this is before everybody and their animagus dog was carrying a cell phone. Disney World is comprised of multiple parks across acres of prime Orlando real estate. It is large enough to have it’s own fucking freeway between parks. How the holy hell did Steve find them? I know some people out there are like my father, and type up itineraries for trips with hotel info listed, and give them to people who aren’t actually going on this trip (for emergencies), but why would they give one to Steve? Did he drive from hotel to hotel, asking at the front desk? Did he ask the hallucination of DJ that appeared in his Sizzler cheese-toast where she was staying?

    Like

    • Casey says:

      He meets them in the hotel lobby. Maybe before they left, DJ off handedly told him they were staying at the Grand Floridian. He remembered that and just stayed in the lobby all day and waited for them.
      Or, because this is Full House, Steve ran into Aladdin, who took him to the family on his magic carpet. When Aladdin drops him off, Joey does a crazy impression of Robin Williams!

      Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Answer One makes too much sense. Answer Two is just right for Full House. Congratulations, you win a years’ supply of Rice-A Roni, the San Francisco Treat! Ding-ding!

        Like

  21. ButIWantedToBeYankeeDoodle says:

    I’m amazed, given the usual total lack of adult supervision on this show, that they even cared that Michelle went off on her own. Also, Jesse’s band is awful. Disney World couldn’t find a better band somewhere between Florida and California? Why were they even hired in the first place?

    Like

  22. What a great review of a shit episode!

    I loved the comment about it not being Joey spitting in someone’s face for once, which also made me wonder why Joey didn’t just flat out spit in Jesse’s face when he wouldn’t let him leave the sphere.

    What the fuck is up with that sphere? I couldn’t get over how pointless and dumb that is. Who care is if you do a radio show from underwater – no one can see it, and it doesn’t sound any different. And what sense does it make to have to swim to it? Where is the air lock so it doesn’t flood with water (and ruin the broadcasting equipment) when you go in and out?

    So here we have a two part episode about what a piece of shit Michelle is, but there really needs to be a Joey intervention episode soon. He really crossed a line for me tonight. Jermsey is lucky he was able to win Becky Donaldson-Cochran-Katsopolis back with that stupid song, because first and foremost, she’s so damn hot, but also because this time it wasn’t really his fault.

    Joey has to be stopped, preferably by a train.

    Like

    • SaCha1689 says:

      I interned at a radio station for a while, and my boss required me to dress formally, even though my audience would only be hearing my voice and not seeing me. Apparently she thought it would help me sound more professional on the air.

      So they did the show underwater because… um, they wanted to sound… like they were underwater? Fuck it, I don’t know. We’ll have to fill in the plotholes ourselves, because the show sure as hell won’t do it for us.

      Maybe whoever hired them sent them underwater in the hopes that they’d get eaten? Yeah, that sounds about right. It explains why they didn’t encounter a shark before – its handlers just then released it so it could devour them.

      Damn it, shark! You had ONE JOB!!

      Like

    • Christian says:

      I always just assumed that the sphere was actually lifted in and out of the water whenever they needed to put the actors in there and that the whole swimming to and from the sphere was a big load a crap dreamed up by the writers because they thought it would be funny.

      Stupid writers.

      Like

  23. Propanehead says:

    What a way to finish of the two-parter, Billy! This review was as epic as the last one!

    Also, I know I’m really late in saying this, but yesterday I came across a reply you had for me after I thanked you for creating this very blog and it really means a lot to me.

    Today, I had a really, really bad day and I came to this blog and it actually made me feel a lot better. I know that sounds incredibly corny and all, but it’s true!

    Again, thanks so much for this blog and thanks for supporting me.

    Cheers & Hopefully Things Will Continue To Go Well For You, I Tell Ya What.

    -Propanehead

    Like

  24. Grant Spatchcock says:

    So Creepster Mickey is giving Danny a congratulatory humping in that final screenshot?

    Like

  25. “This perfectly aligns with the central moral lesson of Full House: anyone who chooses to do the right thing will instantly be rewarded with whatever they want.”

    You speak the truth!

    Like

  26. PerEkman says:

    In the later seasons Becky becomes one fucking super-bitch who always must get her will done. And since she is woman and she is hot she will also get her will and nobody accually questions it.

    Like

  27. IfEveryWordISaidCouldMakeYouLaugh says:

    Billy, I just want to let you know that you’ve reached a Canadian audience! I’ve been reading this blog for a couple years now, and I love it so much that I’ve been telling everyone I know about it. I hope Dave Coulier hasn’t made you think any less of us! Anyways, amazing review as always, and I can’t wait to read next week’s season recap!

    Like

    • Propanehead says:

      @IfEveryWordISaidCouldMakeYouLaugh: You’re still cool with me!

      @IfEveryWordISaidCouldMakeYouLaugh & Billy: I looked it up online

      to see if Dave Coulier really was from Canada, and it turned out

      that he’s from the Detroit suburbs!

      Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      We don’t hate you, Canada. Even if you did give us The Bieb.

      Like

  28. Pin a Rose on Your Nose says:

    Tonight I’ve joined the long list of fans who “have finally caught up” and now must wait seven days for my fix!

    I find it interesting that Joey had a moment of clarity when providing Stephanie insightful advice in a children’s theme park. The one time he acts like an adult. Surely he’ll go back to acting like a child once they go back to their universe in season seven. Don’t call me Shirley.

    And now to go back and read all 90+ comments. They are just as fun as the blog post itself. Keep up the good work and I’m happy to be with you “live”.

    Like

  29. Morgan says:

    This may be of no interest to anyone but I was reading NME and they did a piece on Patrick Carney of the Black Keys and here is what he had to say.
    “I really love Full House. It’s an awful sitcom from the 90’s Bob Saget’s wife dies so he has to raise his three daughters on his own and his brother and his best friend move in. It’s basically the most embarrassing show ever made. It’s so cheesy. One of my friends in high school had been watching so many episodes that he sat down and drew an architectural plan of the house and basically proved that the house couldn’t actually exist, there were too many rooms.”
    I wonder if he knows about this blog, if not I am sure he would be a fan.

    Like

  30. S. says:

    I may have said it before, but I’m gonna say it again: this show was the bane of my already shit childhood and this blog is validating and perfect as an adult.

    Like

  31. Ella Stern says:

    It was “Cinderella”, haha. Btw, I love these!!

    Like

  32. prison bride… lol…so true!! & princess stephanie is looking a little too much like bethenny from rhony in that top pic.

    Like

  33. sara says:

    I laughed so hard I almost cried, and thoroughly enjoyed your review. Just awesome!

    Like

  34. Chuck says:

    Random fact: this ep originally aired in 2 parts, but when it was rerun in early Sep. 93, ABC aired both parts together, as an hour-long ep (the reverse of when certain eps would originally air as hour specials, then be broken into 2 parts for the rerun).

    Like

  35. e_x_i_t says:

    So Michelle uses her last wish to make Stephanie Princess for the day, couldn’t she have just given her the crown and last wish instead? It’s as if she is mocking the poor girl by wasting the last wish and at the same time adding to her terrible ego with that “good deed.” And what happened to this long talk Danny was supposed to have with her? Who am I kidding, we all know how it would have ended anyway, she would’ve flipped the script and made everyone else look like an asshole.

    Like

  36. SunThruYellow says:

    You’d think Steve could’ve gotten the whole Tanner clan into Disney free. He was the voice of Aladdin, after all.

    Like

  37. Megan says:

    its cute when Dj and Steve run up to each other excited to see each other and if you watch the show or even possibly have the dvd there running in slow motion while a romantic pop tune plays and its cute when Steve trips over i think a duffle bag . Steve is such a cutie. Dj is very pretty. Steph is my favorite FH charcter on the show.

    Like

  38. Stephen says:

    Upon closer observation it looks like the Indiana Jones show was shot at night because I could see the opening of the arena behind them and it looked like it was dark out. Plus when I went 14 years later during the day, it was definitely NOT dark in the arena unless they remodeled it or something. Also if this episode was shot in early March, how did they do the Easter parade? Did they do 2 parades and not air it until April? I happen to love the end of this episode btw. Every time I watch it I get all tingly inside. lol

    Like

  39. amanda says:

    i know this is random, but vicky and danny were at the underwater restaurant thing, while jesse and joey were actually underwater…and then we see becky, alone, waiting with the chipmunks..and then we know that dj, kimmie, stephanie and snot nose michelle are walking around the park…so like, who is watching nicky and alex???????

    Like

  40. Becky says:

    The location shows always bothered me as a kid. They always had a more rehearsal vibe than anything else. And it’s too quiet. Is it because there’s no studio audience? Is there even a laugh track? Maybe the tinny laugh track can’t take the place of an obnoxious studio audience.

    Like

  41. Smartacus says:

    These reviews are the highlight of my day. Yes, DAY, since I’m still trying to get caught up… just in time for it to all be over, but whatever. The comment about Michelle dancing like a creepy little goblin made me laugh harder than anything else I’ve read here.

    Also, Becky is an a-hole. They went to Japan for Jersey’s ‘job’ and Becky bitches that he isn’t making enough time for her and those dead-behind-the-eyes twins. Now they go to Disneyworld, again for work, and again Becky pouts that Jesse isn’t spending every waking moment entertaining her. She’s just a grown up version of Michelle.

    Like

  42. Kenny says:

    Ugh this show fucking sucked and the song Jersey sings at the end is from the Disney classic Cinderella.

    Like

  43. tinkerbeth says:

    HOW THE FUCK DID DISNEY LET THE WRITERS GET AWAY WITH THIS UNBELIEVABLE BULLSHIT?

    For fuck’s sake. Okay. I am over the top mad about this. I’ve been reading this blog for nonstop like 5 days now and read about one clusterfuck after another that are so implausible they make my eyes bleed but this time they have gone too fucking far.

    YOU WOULD NEVER, EVER, IN A MILLION YEARS SEE SNOW WHITE IN THAT PART OF THE PARK. It just wouldn’t happen. Disney does a lot of shit to make a lot of people happy even on an individual basis but the entire fucking point is total immersion in fantasy and Walt Disney had them build mother fucking tunnels underneath the god damn park so you never saw a character walking through a part of the park that they didn’t belong in. You just ain’t gonna see Snow White in adventureland, she is strictly fantasyland and main street. Holy fuck. This is infuriating.

    And I don’t care how much expendable money this Danny Tanner supposedly has, ain’t no way he can afford to put up his big ass family in the Grand Floridian hotel for a week. Now I *suppose* that Jersey and his shitty band and his screwed up family were probably put up in the hotel what with them performing, and I *guess* the shitty radio station might have paid for Joey ’cause he might as well be expensively useless someplace else… but out of all the overpriced hotels at the WDW resort, the GF is the over-priciest.

    …I worked at WDW for a year. This shit’s infuriating.

    God damn it.

    Like

  44. Melody says:

    Jesse’s getting a lot of unfair hate in this episode, so I feel like this needs to be said . . .

    At the beginning of the first part of this episode, Jesse runs up to his attic-house to tell Becky that his band got a gig at Disneyland, and Joey barges in on his heels to tell them that he and Jesse are supposed to be doing their radio broadcast from Disney, too. Yeah, Jesse told Becky that he managed to arrange things so they would be together on their anniversary (which is more effort than my husband puts in — I’m lucky if he remembers what month, much less which day, our anniversary is) but he didn’t know yet about the radio station making him work that day. It was pretty unfair of Becky to be all huffy about his busy schedule, since she knew from the very beginning that the trip was more business trip than vacation for him. She should have sucked it up and enjoyed Disney with her little boys — not unlike that advice Joey gives Stephanie about letting your jealousy ruin what could be a fantastic time. Except that Stephanie had every right to be upset, and Becky had none.

    Becky was sometimes given the role of “sensible adult” (a role that only a woman could fill as the default role model for Danny’s daughters) and should be thrilled that her husband’s questionably-successful band is getting LIVE COVERAGE. Because that’s a big deal, isn’t it?

    Like

  45. methylmercury says:

    So much wtf. Not only do I hate that one trope where an aggravating brat runs off when they are called on their shit only to have the family freak out and forgive them immediately (seriously wtf?? If I ran off as a kid even without being horrible beforehand, my parents would have kicked my sorry ass), the whole set up was extra unbelievable. Snow White, you’re a grown ass woman. Pretty sure people can actually go to jail for what you did.

    Like

  46. Matthew Flores says:

    I bet Harrison Ford, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas were pissed off when they saw how Full House when they saw Steve as Indiana Jones. If I were Spielberg, I would’ve sued the creators of Full House.

    Like

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