Season 8, Episode 18, “We Got the Beat”

Pre-Credits Gag:  The twins run into Michelle’s room and tell her a shitty joke.  That’s it.  That’s all that happens.

Stephanie and Gia practice the guitar and bass and then Jesse and Becky come in and applaud them.  The girls say that they’re thinking of starting a band and the thought of his niece growing up to follow in his footsteps by becoming a talentless piece of shit musician thrills Uncle Jesse to no end.  Becky tells them that if they’re serious then they should consider entering the Wake Up, San Francisco young talent search, because they can’t just be in a band and rehearse and stuff, you know?  There has to be some sort of climactic event and it should really involve Wake Up, San Francisco.  The girls decide that they need a keyboard player and drummer to round things out and then they enlist Jesse as their manager.

The girls think about who to enlist for their band and Gia suggests some girl that’s never been seen or mentioned before as the drummer and Stephanie says that she’d be perfect because she has no life.  They ponder over who their keyboard player could be, which is an essential addition to any band, and Jesse reluctantly suggests Kimmie Gibbler.

Once Kimmie Gibbler and some girl with no discernible characteristics are enlisted to the band, they start to jam out and Jesse is dismayed by how hard they suck.

Joey and Danny check in with DJ and discover that she’s been following the stock market for an economics project and would be making a shitload of money if she’d been playing it for real.  Joey decides that he wants to make real investments in the stocks that DJ’s been following and convinces Danny to do the same.

Stephanie and her band perform (and by perform I mean unconvincingly lip-synch) that timeless Ace of Base classic, “I Saw the Sign.”  Even though their terrible cover was on par with any of the terrible covers that Jesse has performed over the years, he insists that they need to rehearse a lot more before the talent competition.  They refer to him as “uncle slave driver” and duck out to the mall to pick out outfits for their performance.

When the girls come back from the mall, all they’re interested in is looking at themselves in the mirror in order to plan their visual presentation for their performance.  Michelle comes in and offers up her little gay friends Derek and Lisa as the singers for their band but the girls all just laugh at them.

Jesse comes in and tells the girls that they need to rehearse more but they’re all just like, “fuck that shit.”  Jesse, behaving responsibly and employing a work ethic for the first time in his entire life, continues to push them to practice, which leads to him and Stephanie having quite the argument.  Stephanie finally tells him that they don’t need him as their manager and Gia and Kimmie Gibbler agree while the blonde drummer girl just kind of stands there, having no lines and no character to work with.  I guess that having no life really is her defining characteristic.  Jesse walks out and then Stephanie looks wistfully towards the door while sad music plays.  The weirdest part is that the other girls immediately go back to posing purposefully in the background, which would seem odd even if it wasn’t in contrast to Stephanie’s heavy handed dramatic moment.

Danny and Joey check on their stock and discover that it’s way down.  DJ comes in to check on it, too, and I wish I’d invested in that outfit that she’s wearing.  I’d be a muthafuckin millionaire!

Stephanie’s band set up for the talent show at the Smash Club because WHERE ELSE ON EARTH COULD IT HAVE POSSIBLY TAKEN PLACE!??!  Jesse asks Stephanie if she and her band have been rehearsing and she tells him that they’ve put all their time and energy into their hair and makeup and all that shit.  Kimmie Gibbler gets Danny and Joey to carry her fancy new keyboard into the club for her and then DJ asks her how she was able to afford it.  She says that she invested in the stocks that DJ had been following, which have gone way up since the previous scene.  Danny hears this and starts doing a really bizarre jig that words cannot describe until Joey tells him that he sold their stocks earlier in the day when they were at an all-time low.  I don’t even know anything about stocks, but I do know that you don’t sell them when they’re at an all-time low.  But I also know that getting involved with Joey in any sort of manner whatsoever is going to fuck up your shit, so I guess it’s just Danny’s own fault for not realizing that himself.  How long has this guy been ruining his life for?  If he hasn’t figured this out by now then you shouldn’t waste your energy feeling sorry for him.

Danny and Becky introduce the talent show and then they loom over the first contestant, who’s a tiny little girl, until she finally tells them to fuck off.  Seriously, though, why were they just gonna stand around her on the stage like that?  It’s creepy.  Anyway, her violin playing is pretty crappy.

What follows is a montage of performances by kids, many of whom seem to be fairly stereotypical representations of specific cultures for some reason.  There’s, like, Riverdancing and shit.  Eventually it’s Derek and Lisa’s turn to perform, which is the representation of gay culture.

If you don’t believe me, they straight up sing “Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart.”  Seriously, this show just can’t get enough of pointing out how gay this kid Derek is.  I know that I talk about it a lot, but they just wont stop baiting me, constantly.  This performance makes the video that Elton John made with RuPaul for this song in the 90’s look like an episode of Baywatch, it’s so goldarn homosexual.

The kids are pretty decent performers.  They’re not great or anything, but all of the cultural stereotypes that preceded them were pretty lackluster.  The only thing that really sucks about the performance is that Joey is on the piano.  These kids are young enough that there’s still hope for them to learn that valuable lesson that Danny never will.  Never include Joey in anything.

The weirdest thing about the performance is this one shot of the audience’s reaction.  They look mildly dazed and uninterested, and one old guy is half-heartedly clapping along.  Why would they show us that?

After Derek and Lisa’s performance, Danny introduces the final act, Girl Talk.  That’s actually a pretty cool name for a band.  That might be the only neat idea ever in the entire series.

The performance starts off pretty well and the audience seems way more excited about it than they were about the last act, but then things go to shit pretty quickly.  Stephanie knocks her mic stand over and the band is completely unable to recover despite the fact that they’re obviously lip-synching.  They stop the performance and begin bickering with each other about whose fault it is.  Well, everyone but the drummer does.  She doesn’t care about anything.  The weirdest part about the bickering is that they’re right in front of the microphone, so everything they’re saying should be amplified into the audience.  Anyway, they try to start the performance back up but they realize that they’re butchering a beloved Ace of Base song so they run off stage.

Becky and Danny announce that the winners of the talent show are Lisa and Derek, because it’s not like some extra was gonna win it.

They come out and collect their trophy and say that they owe everything to their manager, Michelle, because they had to figure out some way to make this all about her, didn’t they?

Jesse goes backstage to have a very special talk with Stephanie.  She accuses him of coming back there to gloat about how shitty she was but then he starts sensually petting her hair and gets her to admit that she’s really mad at herself.

The music comes on as he admits that he was hard on her when he was her manager, but he only did it to try to prevent the horrible public humiliation that she just went through.  He goes on to tell her an amusing anecdote about how he endured a similar experience the first time that he performed in public because he spent so much time greasing up his hair that he was too greasy to hold his drumsticks.  I have trouble believing that this was the only time such an incident occurred.  Anyway, Jesse tells Stephanie that you can’t succeed at anything in life without working very hard, which is a good point, but also one that contradicts pretty much everything that’s happened career-wise to any of the dads in the full house throughout the entire series, especially Jesse.  He’s actually telling her all of this while sitting inside a club that somebody gave him, and not even for a good reason.  Anyway, it’s been 22 minutes, so they hug and that’s it.

I do think it’s worth mentioning that Stephanie’s band was only formed like a week before the competition so, all things considered, I’d say they do a pretty ok job.  I mean, they weren’t presentable, but what band is after a week?

Also, there’s an official Facebook event invite up for the San Francisco Full House Reviewed Close-out event at the El Rio on December 21.  Be sure to RSVP, y’all!  See you in a few weeks!  I’m also wrapping up the planning for the final event in Portland, OR.  It’s looking like it’ll be on January 24… More on that next week!

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111 Responses to Season 8, Episode 18, “We Got the Beat”

  1. Kitten says:

    I love your reviews!
    I gotta ask, when your finished with Full House will you review Captain Planet?

    Like

  2. J says:

    so just recently, i happened to come across this little gem:

    http://www.engadget.com/products/tiger-electronics/electronic/full-house/

    if anyone can get their hands on one, i propose it be sent to billy for review.

    Like

  3. sherlokiana says:

    Finally this episode!!! This is one episode I actually liked… 😀 😀

    I really think Derek is pretty good singer, and Lisa had a nice technique for an eight year old, but her voice was unconvincing… I´m surprised they didn´t make the Olsen twins sing, though… They sang everywhere else, and they weren´t good at it, lol…

    I actually felt sorry for Jesse in this one… He was pretty hurt, and I´d be too… As a musician I actually related to this episoe, and you shouldn´t never book yourself for any appearance a week after you formed the band… Though good experienced musiciansd can do it… i remember last year, for Christmas, we were preparing a presentation with a lot of carols and we had been rehearsing all month with the children{s choir, and two weeks with the grown up choir but only one week with the instruments… and we only rehearsed like, one time all together… And we were a success! But of course, we rehearsed every day over and over and over… That´s the whole point of being a musician…

    But Steph´s reaction is quite natural too, she wasn´t expecting hard work to come from a band, she´s not even used to it… I remember feeling the same way once, when a friend asked me to play for his sister´s wedding ceremony, i was fourteen at the time, i had all of the songs and only practiced a bit, and it was pretty fgood, but notperfect, and this day this friend was coming to hear me, to see if i was good enough for his singer, and my dad listened to me fist and told me i needed practice… And then he sat on a couch next to me and said “again, again , again” every time i finished until i jumped up and said that´s it! and stormed right out. Then we had a special talk, when i almost completely messed up in front of the friend… (it was actually my dad´s friend…)

    But hey, my comment is long enough already. Though I have a lot to say about this episode, i{m not the one reviewing it..

    By the way, this was my favorite review yet!!

    Like

    • Vamking12 says:

      Got any songs on YouTube?

      Like

    • Jesse's Weird Hair Mountain says:

      I’m gonna go ahead and assume that you cut that riveting tale short because the rest of it was about how your dad’s friend molested you in his basement. When my sister got married I immediately started asking underaged band geeks to audition alone for me in the back of my van parked behind Chuckie Cheeses. Those prepubescent strangers really added a touch of class to my sisters wedding ceremony. And I can’t believe Steph thought that music was just about looking good!!

      She forgot about the creepy dads and amateur proctology exams. Never forget that.

      Like

  4. Angela says:

    Stephanie’s band set up for the talent show at the Smash Club because WHERE ELSE ON EARTH COULD IT HAVE POSSIBLY TAKEN PLACE!??!

    This performance makes the video that Elton John made with RuPaul for this song in the 90′s look like an episode of Baywatch, it’s so goldarn homosexual.

    These lines, along with the screencap of the completely bored as shit audience, cracked me up :D.

    Here’s my thing with this talent show: good musician or not, Stephanie, at the very least, shouldn’t be allowed to be in it at all, given that her dad and aunt are running the thing. Potential bias, and all that.

    I also got a really good chuckle out of your comments about the bit with Jesse telling Stephanie that you have to work hard to get what you want in life. Yeah. THAT is rich.

    And as for the stock market bit-I always found it funny that Danny was considering investing because he said something about being tired of sitting there watching others get rich. Um, buddy? You might not be Bill Gates, no, but you’re certainly doing a hell of a lot better financially than some of us in this world are, so…shut up. And since you involved Joey in your stock market scheme, you have even less room to complain about not being rich.

    (I’m totally ignorant of the stock market, too, but from what I’ve observed of it, and given the nasty crashes involved with it, it just seems way too scary and risky to me. And it basically just seems like an excuse for the rich to get even richer.)

    And finally, agreed on Girl Talk being a good name for a group, and now “The Sign” is in my head. I heard that song on the radio SO much when I was a kid…

    Excellent review, as always.

    Like

    • Oh Mylanta says:

      Seriously! Danny’s a local celebrity with his own TV show. I’d like to think he’s doing pretty damn well for himself. That’s why that b-story from the Super Bowl episode about DJ needing a scholarship left me all flabbergasted. Surely her father and uncles and aunt, who are all pretty well paid, could cough up the dough for Stanford or wherever it was she wanted to go.

      Like

      • SavaFiend says:

        Well, Danny would be doing a lot better for himself if he didn’t have a house full of losers sucking up his paychecks!

        Like

      • Angela says:

        This is true.

        But yeah, exactly, Oh Mylanta-maybe they didn’t want her to rely on them her whole life, who knows, but even so, they could’ve definitely afforded to at least pay for some of it.

        Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      Nothing says “your band is talented” like nepotism.

      Like

      • Angela says:

        Ha. True.

        Sort of like the people who audition for “Idol” and flip out if the judges don’t like them. “Well, my MOM said I was good!” Yeah, and your mom’s also clearly tone deaf.

        Like

    • SavaFiend says:

      I agree, no way should Stephanie have been allowed to compete! But at least they didn’t win, so that was a plus!

      Like

    • Jackie says:

      I ended up watching this episode on Nick at Nite a few weeks ago. I too was wondering why Danny said he was tired of watching other people get rich. He has his own TV show, and apparently enough money to pay for all those freeloaders in his house. Plus after eight years of Joey fucking up everything, hasn’t Danny learned to never trust him to do anything smart?

      Like

      • Angela says:

        One would think he’d eventually catch on, yeah. For as many “life lessons” as this show likes to dole out, it’s amazing that the people giving them often tend to not follow their own advice, and learn new things.

        Like

    • Becki says:

      “And it basically just seems like an excuse for the rich to get even richer”. So? What is wrong with that?

      Like

      • Angela says:

        Considering how many people are struggling to even keep roofs over their heads, or eat, or afford to go to a doctor, seeing people who think, “No, I don’t have nearly enough in millions of dollars, I need MORE!” gets kind of infuriating after a while.

        Like

    • Isaac says:

      Girl Talk is actually in use as a band name. Well, it’s just one guy remixing songs illegally, but he is pretty good.

      I’ve been silently reading this blog since 2008. It’s one of those things I forget about for 6 months and then binge on for 3 hours when I should be working on something critical. I’m going to miss it. Godspeed Billy Superstar.

      Like

  5. Oh Mylanta says:

    Normally I’d be like, hey now, being flamboyant doesn’t necessarily make you gay. But seeing as the kid who played Derek is now a go-go dancer at gay clubs and recently released a music video that shows him kissing another dude… Yeah. I guess we did see it coming from a mile away after all. What comes to mind right now is your commentary from the Yankee Doodle episode where they first introduce him. Something about Harvey Fierstein cumming on your keyboard? Classic.

    Yes, Jermsey, I’m sure you worked very hard in order for that club to be handed to you… Asshole Parthenon.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      OM, I agree with you about gay stereotypes. It reminds me of an SNL skit with Dana Carvey as a husband and father who acted in a flamboyant way and everyone thought he was gay. He was the type that was straight as an arrow, but his actions proved otherwise! The actor, Victor Garber who was Thomas Andrews in “Titanic” came out of the closet earlier this year and he thought everyone knew he was gay! You are right about Jesse, too!

      Like

      • Grant Spatchcock says:

        I know what it’s like. When I came out nearly 6 years ago, I expected everyone to be all “we’ve known for years”, but it turned out to be a complete surprise to everyone, especially my parents!

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Grant, I think some gay people do act in that stereotypical way, but other gay people don’t. I had no clue my cousin was gay because he was married with 2 daughters. The marriage broke up when his wife discovered what he was surfing for on the computer. My mother did tell me she suspected he was gay from a very young age.

        Like

      • SavaFiend says:

        I had a friend back in my college years who was gay. He could turn the flamboyancy on and off on a whim. If he knew someone was homophobic, he would purposely act even more flamboyant and stereotypical just to bother them!

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Gay or not, I do think Victor Garber was excellent in looks and characterization as Thomas Andrews. I think all the actors did look like the real life characters they played, especially Kathy Bates.

        Like

      • Terrell says:

        He’s also trying to be a singer now, but, unfortunately, he tries to use the same technique on his voice as he did as a kid, and it just sounds really nasal with an adult’s voice. Even Michael Jackson sounded better with his falsetto when he went through a phase of trying to sound like his kid self.

        Like

  6. hebrewersfan says:

    I think DJ straight up stole that outfit out of Paula Poundstone’s closet.

    Like

  7. Christian says:

    But…knocking over the mic and arguing on stage is something that could have happened regardless of whether the band rehearsed more or not. Wouldn’t it have made more sense if the band went up on stage and they were out of tune, loud and playing all crappy?

    Sidenote, I went to the movies last night to watch the live broadcast of Rifftrax: Santa Clause Conquers the Martians. Right before the presentation they showed a trailer for some godawful comedy show called The Clean Guys of Comedy and guess who was in it? Joey Fucking Gladstone. They even featured one of his jokes as a selling point, believe it or not, and it was just as stupid as any joke Joey told on Full House. It was some crap about how his friend wanted to go skydiving before he died. Coulier’s response? “If you’re lucky you can do both on the same day” Har-dee-fucking-har. Jamie Kennedy’s also in it so you know it’s a winner.

    Like

    • Elle says:

      This always made me crazy as well. I did a lot of performing as a kid. When you’re dealing with children, no matter how much you practice errors like the one Stephanie made happen. The “lesson” in this episode would have been much more effective if the band actually made musical errors and didn’t just mess up because Stephanie was clumsy. Of course…this is Full House, so I don’t know why I’d expect the plot to actually make sense.

      Like

    • Stacy says:

      I had to comment since you mentioned Rifftrax. I have some friends that are pretty obsessed with Rifftrax and so I see a lot of those movies when at their place. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen the Rifftrax of “Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny”. Though I think the worst movie EVER (and its only saving grace was that it was Rifftrax’d) was Birdemic Shock and Terror.

      It amazes me that people spent time AND money to write, put together, get props and costumes, hire “actors”, “rehearse” (rehearsing is debatable though based on the outcome), film, and edit (and whatever else that goes into film making that I’m missing because I’m no expert). Some of the Rifftrax movies I’ve seen have been such abominable pieces of shit that I really can’t believe anyone would be willing to spend one red cent into the making of it.

      And yeah, having a Joey fucking Gladstone joke as a selling point for a comedy show is a joke in itself.

      Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      Joey steals his jokes from Droppo.

      Like

    • Corey says:

      I went to Rifftrax for the first time last night, and it COMPLETED MY LIFE. Maybe we should start a Rifftrax fan community to fill the void in our lives when FHR is over? 🙂

      *Candy lion!*

      Like

    • Angela says:

      That Joey joke. Oh, dear.

      Also, I’ve heard of Rifftrax, but have yet to actually check any of that out. I really need to remedy that.

      Like

    • Terrell says:

      You only think this because you didn’t watch the episode. The mic stand fell over because they decided to add choreography, something Jesse said was the last thing they should be trying to do when they are just starting out. If Stephanie had been standing still like she did in practice, the mic would have been fine.

      Like

  8. Pink Dork says:

    I’m trying to picture what the wardrobe lady is thinking while dressing the girls in the full house: “hmmmm… gotta make sure the troll always looks like a twee little chimp – we wouldn’t want to lose that valuable Laura Ashley sponsorship!

    “I’m still mad at the homely middle one for that time she got into my stash… she stays hella frumpy til I decide how to RUIN her! Gah!

    “And the goodygoody one needs a trademark. Hmmmm… I’ve got it! Suspenders! Yeah, I’ll just slap suspenders on even the most unlikely shit. It’ll be her ‘thing.’

    “There. I’m genius. My work here is done. Time to hit the bar. God I need a drink. This show is giving me a cluster headache above my left eye.”

    Like

    • SavaFiend says:

      DJ looks like a total stereotypical soccer mom in this one, WTF is up with that?!? At first I thought the wardrobe person just hated Stephanie, but it’s pretty obvious she hates DJ by this point too.

      Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        It seems as if DJ, specifically in the final season, is always dressed like either a soccer mom or a Von Trapp child.

        Like

      • Grant Spatchcock says:

        I say this as a gay man, so please don’t hate on me – but what happened to DJ’s boobs in that outfit?

        Like

      • Pink Dork says:

        And I say this as a boob owner – the fuck? I know! Her boobs look really bizarre.

        Like

      • SavaFiend says:

        I’m just glad other people here noticed that too, cuz I would’ve felt really weird if i was the only one who saw that!

        Like

      • Billy Superstar says:

        i’ve been pretty careful about not commenting on the girls’ anatomy in these reviews because it doesn’t really seem appropriate to me, but i will say here that stephanie’s boobs are coming in super weird.

        Like

    • Ryan says:

      “I’m still mad at the homely middle one for that time she got into my stash… she stays hella frumpy til I decide how to RUIN her! Gah!”

      I read this in an old lady English accent and it was fucking hilarious.

      Like

  9. Jake Bitterman says:

    Since when does Joey play piano?

    Like

    • Smash says:

      Lol, I’m assuming he took lessons the same day that he got his pilot and teaching licenses, you know, just in case!

      Like

      • Jake Bitterman says:

        who knew joey gladstone was such a reniassance man? Comedian, subsitute teacher, pilot, radio show host, children tv show host, actor (remember surfs up or whatever its called with frankie and annette), star search contestant, opening for wayne newton in vegas, game show host (joe stone, smh). Instead of being shitty at a thousand things, he should focus his energies on moving out and finding a girlfriend who lasts longer than 2 episodes. He’s like a douche bag jack of all trades.

        Like

      • Packerchu says:

        “The Joey Gladstone Movie. It’s like ‘Catch Me If You Can’ without interesting characters.”

        Like

    • SavaFiend says:

      That’s exactly what I was thinking! And what’s worse, Billy mentioned Elton John, and Joey looks like a low rent Elton John in that screencap where he is at the piano!

      Like

    • Terrell says:

      I believe he played it once before, perhaps in the Yankee Doodle episode. Since he does such an unconvincing job of playing, I’ve imagined that, even in universe, it’s just a recording and he’s up there for looks. Otherwise, why doesn’t he ever play any other time?

      Like

  10. SJSiff says:

    I adore your Joey rage, and how you refer to the dwelling as “the full house” always with “the.” I used to love this show, and even now it has some nostalgia factor, but your skewering is fantastic.

    Like

  11. numbskull says:

    those Tanner girls have really weird boobs

    Like

    • RachWho? says:

      Word. That is crazy true.

      Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Is it just me, or do women on sitcoms rarely wear bras? Is this an industry thing, or something? I really don’t understand at all. Because I feel like DJ is definitely not wearing one, and that a conservative girl like Candace would object to that if it wasn’t some kind of norm.

        Like

      • RachWho? says:

        I think there are a couple of things going on there.

        1) Many women in the industry have amazing breasts and are lucky not to need the support of a bra (which is also why they are in the enviable position to wear backless frocks with confidence).

        2) DJ and Stephanie are, as my 5th grade calculator often expressed, BOOBLESS.

        Like

      • Jake Bitterman says:

        I just snort laughed at this loud as hell at work. 2) DJ and Stephanie are, as my 5th grade calculator often expressed, BOOBLESS.

        Bravo!

        Like

      • SavaFiend says:

        For having small boobs and as young as she is in this episode, DJ’s boobs look depressingly low-hanging and saggy, IJS

        Like

      • Grant Spatchcock says:

        If I may quote Marcia Wallace as Edna Krabappel – “HA!”

        Like

  12. RachWho? says:

    My 80’s sitcom knowledge is blending into a mush of dementia. I could have sworn there was an episode where DJ and Kimmy form a band called The Lipsticks and Jesse wants them to practice more but they don’t and a fight ensues. I was clearly mixing up this episode with this one: http://www.fullhousereviewed.com/2010/11/05/season-2-episode-12-fogged-in/, where DJ and Kimmy record “The Locomotion” over one of Jesse’s jingles and a fight ensues and also this episode of The Cosby Show: http://www.huxtablehotness.com/2013/07/season-5-episode-9-how-do-you-get-to.html. And on that track, Cosby did this episode’s exact premise much better, and earlier than FH.

    Like

  13. Kyle C. Haight says:

    Eye-rolling moment when Derek and Lisa say they won the competition because of Michelle – of course they did… it has to be about her. Realistically speaking, it was clear that with Danny and Rebecca Donaldson hosting the show at Jesse’s club, someone affiliated with the full house was going to win. No nepotism here. All those ethnic stereotypes who performed had no shot, lame as they were, anyway.

    Like

  14. Smash says:

    No wonder all of DJ’s boyfriends have moved on. There’s nothing exciting going on up top at all and it takes like 2 and a half years just for you to round the french kissing base.

    Like

  15. Stacy says:

    Wow, that is the most unflattering outfit ever that DJ is wearing.

    I will be the first to admit that I am super hardcore nostalgic for the 90s. I really miss the 90s. Though screencaps like that make me realize how fugly some of the clothes were.

    I’m about the same age as DJ, but I would like to point out I never wore an outfit like that one. I swear. (And points for anyone who catches the “I Swear” 90s reference.)

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      By the moon and the stars in the sky, I want chunky shoes to come back.

      Like

      • Stacy says:

        You get the points, Sarah! Now which was your preference – the John Michael Montgomery or the All 4 One version? Because I lived in Arkansas at the time, I was eventually worn down by that point to where I liked some country music. (Still love me some Garth Brooks, Clint Black, George Strait, etc.) I actually really like John Michael Montgomery so his is the version I prefer – plus it came out first. And sometimes those “man bands” trying to beat each out other for hitting crazy notes and harmonizing mess up the song in my opinion.

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        I like them both, actually. I grew up in LA so heard A41 first, but then we moved to a really rural area where I encountered JMM. Either way, it’s a great song! (Also, was not aware that JMM’s version came out first – The More You Know!)

        Like

      • Orangutan Twin says:

        I was always more partial to Boyz II Men than All 4 One, but I have nothing but fond memories of the harmonizing man bands from the 1990s.

        Like

  16. Sarah Portland says:

    The drummer girl is an avox, punished because she spoke bad words about the full house. Woe be unto those who besmirch the name of Tanner! Woe!

    Like

  17. CathySantone says:

    The audience shot is glorious. Even the kid in the high chair looks disappointed. I think it sums up the general audience reaction when watching Full House.

    Like

  18. songbird says:

    I don’t really have anything constructive to add, except that this was hilarious as usual!

    Billy, are you gonna film the Q&A, slideshow, etc. at the close-out party for us unlucky folk who can’t make it?! We’d be grateful! 🙂

    Like

    • Grant Spatchcock says:

      Yes Billy, please film as much of the celebration as possible for those of us in far flung lands. I have zero chance of making it there from Australia…

      Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      i myself have no plans to record anything because i’ve got too much else going on, but it would be super cool if someone would take that on. anyone who’s interested in doing so is welcome to livestream the event, or if they just wanna record parts on their iphone or something we could post the videos to the fb site…

      Like

      • songbird says:

        I love you for replying. I hope someone decides to film it!

        If everyone who attended filmed it, then all the individual clips could be added together to create one mega FHR video. 🙂

        Like

  19. Itsbarbiebitch says:

    The audience reaction is like some kind of accidental meta moment

    Like

  20. Beatrice says:

    For some reason, the kid who played Derek decided he needed to come out of the closet three years ago…

    http://www.inquisitr.com/1014336/remember-derek-from-full-house-hes-a-chiseled-gay-go-go-dancer-now/

    Like

  21. Mike Blunden says:

    How is Stephanie’s band allowed to compete? You would think employees and their families of the station would be ineligible. Actually they probably were ineligible, but screw you if you’re going to tell someone from the Full House that the rules apply to them.

    Like

  22. Michelle's acting coach says:

    Stephanie, growing up in the full house, naturally assumed she would win the contest without putting in any work or having any discernible talent. Jesse, unfamiliar with dolling out advice to a failing family member, did what came naturally to him and talked about himself.

    Also, did Human Pudding not even enter this contest? They’re Human! And they’re pudding!

    Like

    • Corey says:

      Human Pudding really took off in the previous year, and sadly, their lead singer was in rehab at the time of this contest.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Billy Superstar says:

      i actually feel like giving the show some credit here. traditionally, stephanie’s band would have sucked and run off stage and then, after her very special talk with jesse, they would have been given another chance to perform and ended up winning the competition. one of the main lessons of this show is “if you accept that things dont always work out the way that you want them to, they’ll work out the way that you want them to.” so i was actually sort of impressed that stephanie didn’t end up winning the competition in the end, not because that’s a particularly impressive outcome, but because the bar has traditionally been set so low

      Like

      • Terrell says:

        They set it up earlier in the episode. Michelle offered to manage the girls’ band. Yes! Thank you. I was surprised you didn’t say that in the review.

        Like

  23. Corey says:

    On the Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget, the comedians all kept making jokes about how greasy John Stamos was. It was pretty awesome.

    (Somebody also went so far as to make a “Rebecca Romijn O’Connell” joke, and you could actually see a part of Jermsey’s soul die. It was even more awesome.)

    Like

  24. Ashley says:

    I’m actually surprised that Jesse didn’t find a loophole that would allow him to somehow enter the contest with whatever band he was playing with at the moment.

    I half-expected there to be a moment where Jesse gave Stephanie some sort of pep-talk about the value of hard work, practice, and self-discipline, only to have it somehow get picked up by microphones and broadcast to the audience, thus touching their hearts and resulting in Girl Talk winning top prize- because that’s just how this fucking show is.

    Like

    • Mike Blunden says:

      “It’s a competition for children.” “Yeah, and Jesse is crushing them.”

      Of course, he could have entered Nicky and Alex to perform Twist & Shout in a nod to Michelle’s graduation.

      Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Or maybe Jesse would join Girl Talk onstage for an encore which supposedly doesn’t suck (like the one guy claps along enthusiastically). Only it does suck because this is Full House. Then they receive a standing ovation at the end, and the ending credits start to pop up as the Girl Talk girls look all excited because they got to the end of the song without fucking up (and without really practicing). And Jesse kisses Stephanie like he kisses Michelle, even though that’s never happened before.

        Like

  25. Megan says:

    Very cool episode i love Stephaine Tanner! She is hot!!!

    Like

  26. Richard B says:

    Why did Jesse act all appalled over how bad the band sucked the first time they got together? Stephanie and Gia sounded equally terrible when they were playing the first time he heard them. I mean, if Jesse had any musical talent he would… oh, nevermind.

    “Stephanie’s band set up for the talent show at the Smash Club because WHERE ELSE ON EARTH COULD IT HAVE POSSIBLY TAKEN PLACE!??!” Haha, I’m sorry but I love how your desperation and anger gets more intense over the years! It seems like in the Full House universe you have two choices where you can arrange an event: at the full house or at the Smash club. If they were all going swimming sometime the full house would probably have a big pool somewhere that they’ve just forgot to mention over the years.

    Man, that thing with Derek and Lisa owing it all to Michelle just bugs the shit out of me. What. Did. She. Even. Do?!?!? I was gonna comment about what she was doing backstage, since she wasn’t performing. But of course, she was the fucking manager. And they owe it all to her.

    Great review, Billy!

    Like

  27. Lydia says:

    I love this blog! I’m very excited to see what you do next. Keep up the great writing.

    Like

  28. Jessie says:

    I’m surprised this isn’t mentioned already, but Girl Talk actually is the name of a band. Well, of a musician, anyway. Gregg Gillis creates digital music under this name.

    Like

  29. Alison says:

    I love how Stephanie looks horrified to have Jesse kiss her cheek. I once read somewhere that she hated having to kiss or be kissed by him because his lips were always super wet. I’d totally expect that from that creep. If I remember correctly, she even wipes his kiss off real quick after. i haven’t seen this episode in a long time though.

    Like

  30. Teebore says:

    This episode continues the proud TV tradition of making a band’s manager the most important element. Jermsey and Michelle here, Zack on SbtB, Steve on 90210…if you watched TV in the 90s, you knew what you needed to be in a successful band: a manager.

    Stephanie says that she’d be perfect because she has no life.

    I think the perfect person to be the drummer in their band would be someone who knows how to play drums, but I guess that’s why I don’t have a band.

    They ponder over who their keyboard player could be, which is an essential addition to any band

    I’m frankly impressed the resisted the urge to give Kimmie a key-tar. Those things were all over the place around this time.

    then Stephanie looks wistfully towards the door while sad music plays.

    Why is she sad? She’s the one who told Jermsey to take a flying leap.

    He’s actually telling her all of this while sitting inside a club that somebody gave him, and not even for a good reason.

    Ha! Nothing illustrates the hypocrisy of his lesson better than that.

    Like

  31. Kimander7 says:

    Dear Smash Club,
    After attending your recent “Wake Up, San Francisco Young Talent Search”, I was expecting the hot young men and ladies in various states of undress and perhaps some lap action. This was not the show I was expecting. Please when you change nights on your regulars it gives the wrong expectation. I enjoy your club for the Adult entertainment and less for the talent less group of amateurs. I would keep an eye on the young man who won, he has real potential.
    Signed,
    Horny Regular

    Liked by 1 person

  32. trlkly says:

    In case anyone cares, they didn’t even care to get the music right. They say the song only has three chords, but it has four. And none of them were A or E, like Gibbler said.

    What’s really weird is that it almost worked. The song was in G, which would have made sense since that would include the first three chords you learn on guitar, G, C, and D, and you could cheat and play C for the Am chord, giving you the four chords necessary for the song.

    And, oddly enough, when they tried to come back in after they messed up, that was the only time anyone played in A, which would have both an A and E chord. And the only one in A was Gibbler.

    Like

  33. maddy says:

    girl talk plays a really nice song
    i now the song

    i saw the sign and
    open up my eyes
    i saw the sign
    life is demanding without understanding

    Like

  34. I Love The 90's says:

    Just some tid bits from this episode.

    The girl drummer is actually quite hot. Ironic enough she quit acting in the late 90’s and loved the life of a normal kid.

    Gia’s hot as usual. She definitely would have been smokin’ in “Boogie Nights”. Fun Fact, in real life Gia smokes Marlboro Smooths.

    In today’s economy, 9 people living in a high San Francisco house would sound more appropriate as opposed to the 9 people living in a nice home during a booming economy during the Clinton Administration.

    They definitely should have done a sequel or even a TV movie called “Girl Talk”.

    Jodie Sweeton wrote in her book that this was her favorite episode.

    Derek S. Boyd in real life is gay which comes as no surprise. TMZ had video footage of him marching in the gay parade in L.A. a few years back.

    Like

  35. JCC says:

    At least there was a smidge of continuity what with Kimmie playing the keyboard, which she’s done in some previous episodes.

    Like

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